i run out of words for you

I know a lot of you are looking for an update from any number of my fics, but I’ve somehow found some inspiration for my original fantasy novel so I’m going to run with it as long as I can. The last time I was this productive with an original piece, I finished a whole book. So I’m gonna see how far this will take me. 

After all, I can probably get out a good 100,000 words in a fews weeks if I’m inspired enough. Maybe I’ll actually have something worth editing and publishing in the end. 

I can only hope. 

That Little Girl

Pairing: Bucky X Reader (]platonic)

Request: anonymous: Could you write something where Rumlow had a daughter that they had the winter soldier protect and they gave her certain trigger words that disable the soldier mode incase he lost control? Since he’s dead now and she’s still a minor she runs away to find the avengers and gets the trigger words to them to help Bucky. He remembers her and how as a child she would sneak him snacks and how kind she was to him. The team ends up keeping her since she’s a kid with no place to go.

A/N: I find this fic really cute, the idea was great so the story turned out great. Thank you anaon! I am too tired to write ANYTHING anymore, so I’ll just stop. I didn’t wanna use google translate so I sneaked in some hindi in this fic. Please overlook any mistake I couldn’t edit that much. Hope you like it!

Warnings: mentions of being captive, being sedated, cells.

Word Count: 1696

Originally posted by coporolight

It was a usual day for him, for the winter soldier. After being stitched back together and being given the necessary to keep him just alive, he was thrown in his cell again. he didn’t struggle, struggling just made it worse. Struggling was of no use.

He looked up the window from where the moonlight or the sunlight would seep through sometimes, clinking his metal fingers against the bars so the biting silence which waited with its jaws open wouldn’t hurt so much. He was looking down, drumming his fingers when he couldn’t feel the light on his eyes. He looked up and found a child looking curiously at him. why wasn’t she scared?

‘are you the winter soldier?’ she tilted her head and looked at him with her curious (y/e/c) eyes. He was too tired to function, and he wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone, he kept mum and gave her a glare. ‘you have very pretty eyes’ she sat down cross legged and smiled at him. this was new.

‘go away.’ Was all he said.

‘it’s hot, are you hot?’ she asked unaffected by tone which was used with her. boy was he, they never gave him cold water, and the suit didn’t help either. ‘here, I got you an ice cream cone.’ She offered him the bright wrapper treat. He was always on a strict diet, he really wanted to take it, some voice inside him said he had really liked such sweet treats.

‘I can’t.’ He said almost grimly and looked down. ‘go away, or they will hurt me.’ he muttered and then looked at her. ‘you too, maybe.’

‘they won’t, please take it. you will fell nice and cool-‘she heard footsteps and quickly handed it to him. ‘sit in’ she pointed. ‘that corner, they won’t be able to see you there’ she said. ‘bye, wintey!’ she chirped and ran away.

It was an alien experience for him, he wasn’t used to such….. warmth. He hesitated a little but picked the cone up and unwrapped it. And that’s how the winter soldier had an ice-cream for the first time in decades.

Her visits became more frequent, and he wasn’t complaining. She was sweet, she would talk to him, crack weird jokes, bring him snacks, braid his hair, tell him stories, give him drawings of herself and him. it was all nice, he was feeling again. affection does that.

She came back and he eagerly walked to the window, almost forgetting his broken rib. But it didn’t matter, she was here, what was her name..? he didn’t care. He went there and received a little kiss on his cheek, it was the first time she had done that. She fixed her hairband and ran a hand through her (y/h/c) hair.

‘you look very happy, ___’ he looked at her.

‘yeah-‘before she could finish she was picked up by someone. It was Rumlow, he recognized him at once.

‘you slimy, sick, bastard, how dare you even talk to my daughter!’ he growled. Bucky’s ‘handlers’ busted in the room. everything happened so quick, he just couldn’t wrap his head around it all. She was being taken away from him, he struggled, he couldn’t let the little happiness he had left go away. He punched, he kicked but soon; he couldn’t. he was sedated.

  ‘he’s a bad man, sweetie.’ Rumlow started to walk away and rubbed her back soothingly. Her eyes were fixed on bucky’s and his on her. ‘wintey’ she mouthed with a hint of tears in her eyes. With the last of his strength, he shouted, he called out her name.

‘(Y/N)!!’ bucky shouted and sat up in his bed. he wiped the sweat and realized it was a dream, a repressed memory that found its way back to him. the memory of her, of (y/n), sweet, little, kind (y/n).

You were here, standing in front of the avengers’ base. you wanted to go, you wanted to help him, you wanted to expiate for what your father had done. But you couldn’t find the strength. After a lot of chaos, you made you way to the gates.

‘for him.’ you thought. ‘you were stopped by the guard. ‘I-I am Brock Rumlow’s daughter’ you said with great difficulty and the guard’s eyes gre wide. ‘I am here to help.’ You said and he was quick to make a call.

A call had set everything in a quick motion. What was it? bucky thought. A new mission? A new problem? Nobody would explain him. just pass away after giving him a soft expression.

You were standing in front on earth’s mightiest heroes, while they studied you. you hadn’t felt this conscious in your rugged clothes before.

‘I didn’t know he had a daughter.’ Clint broke the silence as he breathed.

‘he kept it off records, he knew the system quite well.’ Natasha said.

‘kid, we won’t hurt you, but before you tell us more about those codes you talked about, can you tell us how you got here?’ tony asked as he stepped forwards and looked at you. you too a deep breath and nodded.

‘i-I ran away. Dad was the only family member I had. With him gone… I couldn’t take it so I ran away. I don’t know how or what to feel about him. I just want to help,’ you looked up at them. ‘expiate for what my father did.’

‘it’s very brave of you (y/n)’ bruce smiled at you. it indeed was very brave for a teenage girl like you to travel such a great distance all by yourself.

‘where is he?’ you asked. Tony nodded and called steve.

Steve grabbed bucky’s arm and gave him an assuring smile, bucky returned it but he was scared, were they going to do something to him? he shook that thought away and got ready for whatever it was.

Bucky stopped when he saw the girl standing in front of him, same (y/e/c) eyes but less curious and more tired, (y/h/c) still shiny and what they seemed like soft, the same complexion just a little darker because of all the sun you must have been in. it couldn’t be. It couldn’t be you.

‘bucky, this is (y/n).’ steve said and he didn’t care what else he had to say. It was (y/n), his little companion (y/n). the sweet little, but not so little now, (y/n).

‘(y/n)?’ he breathed and you nodded with a familiar smile. ‘(y/n)!’ he moved closer to you and sounded happy. The avengers were very confused at this sight. Bucky wasn’t one to smile, how could he grin like that on seeing the girl?

‘wintey.’ You said rather sheepishly and he scrunched his nose. ‘how are you?’ you tilted your head in the same way.

‘very happy.’ He replied. ‘me too’ you said. ‘why are you here?’ he asked.

‘to help you.’ you answered. ‘your programming, I can undo it. you were once sent to protect me. I had a code which could bring you to the ‘neutral’ state if you were to lose control.’ You explained and everyone listened carefully.

‘buck, do you wanna do it?’ steve asked. Codes. The words did something to him he couldn’t explain. He was scared but it was you, you wouldn’t hurt him, would you?

‘I do.’ bucky looked steve in the eyes and then looked at you. ‘you won’t hurt me. I just know.’ He said and you nodded.

‘it’s a very powerful code and it was made in hindi. you might feel dizzy or faint.’ You said and he nodded understandingly. ‘okay.’ You smiled and took in a sharp breath. Everyone took a defensive position without looking too obvious.

‘dard.’ You said and his breathing hitched. ‘dost.’ He felt something flooding back to him. ‘vardi.’ He sat down, breathing heavily and steve and others stood by him. ‘loha.’ He felt a sting. ‘insan.’ Everything around him started spinning. ‘andhera.’ There wasn’t enough oxygen. ‘aatman.’ His eyes started to close. ‘shaanti.’ His eyes closed and you stood close to him.

‘what happened?! Is he okay!?’ steve asked and everyone looked at you.

‘he is. Let him sleep. he will wake up, things will start getting better.’ You smiled at him and lightly patted his hand.

17 hours. It took him 17 hours to wake up. steve greeted him with a tired smile when he rose from his bed.

‘how do you feel?’ steve asked.

‘light.’ Bucky replied after thinking a little. He rubbed his face ‘what happened?’

‘when (y/n) said the last word-‘

‘where’s she?’ he asked as the memory came back to him.

‘oh, here for now, sleeping on the floor in the living room.’ he replied and scoffed. ‘weirdly cute kid, said everything else was-‘

‘too soft.’ He interrupted and steve nodded. he quickly made his way to find you. upon reaching the common room he found you peacefully curled up on the floor with your old backpack. He ran to your side and sat down next to you. god, you had grown so much.

Your eyes shot open and you sat up to face him. your father had trained you well.

‘oh, it’s you.’ you rubbed your eyes.

‘yeah, it’s wintey.’he grinned and you chuckled.

‘I was a kid.’ You muttered.

‘you kinda still are.’ He shrugged.

‘not really,’ you stood up and he followed. ‘I have to be all grown up now.’ You gave him a tight smile and hung your bag. ‘bye, I gotta go, was just waiting to see if you are okay. I hope you have a great life-‘

‘nuh-uh. You are not leaving me again. you’re not going anywhere.’ He pointed. ‘but-‘

‘you can stay here, kiddo.’ Steve was leaning against the door frame. ‘we got plenty of rooms.’

‘thank you. but i-‘ you couldn’t speak anymore for bucky had pulled you in a tight embrace. When was the last time you got a hug?

‘nope, not going anywhere.’ He mumbled in your hair.

‘thanks.’ Your muffled voice came out. He pulled away and had a grateful look. ‘thank you,’ he kept a hand on your cheek. ‘for everything you did.’ he ruffled your hair.

The Dream

Pairing: Dean x reader

Summary: Weird dreams happen to everyone so it isn’t very uncommon that you had one as well.

Word Count: 1,286

Warnings: some fluff

A/N: this is my first challenge ever! I wrote this for @kas-not-cas Kas’ 2.5K Dialogue Prompt Challenge. I was actually happy with the way this one turned out. The prompt is highlighted in bold within the story.

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16x8 #2: late bills

we can be like weed and Snoop
like a drop top on a coupe
I can be the potato in your stew
you can be the orange to my blue
we can be like Kesha and short skirts
like an excited utterance blurting
bumblings of broken sentences
words we found on last call
dancefloors and share the pain of
all-our-hurts band-aid our hearts
and send them back out to the playground
we can ipod-cd-walkmens then stop
playing around these questions
work answers paycheck to paycheck
until we save what they left of us
pay off the love of each other’s debt

I’m running from her
I’m running from me
You’re running from him
we trip and scrape knees
we get munchies
we can ask for a raise
find a new job
postmark checks for future delivery

i cry when the pilot light goes out. when the clocks run out of battery and suddenly my world is timeless.
outside the GoTrain rumbles down the same old vandalized tracks. i wrote a poem for you on that train once (but tore it up halfway to Toronto and let the pieces fly out the window).
it is summer but i shiver. it is summer but the yellow bedsheets have frozen together.
they put me on meds but i spit up blackened tar and swallowed sobs nonetheless.
you fought for me.
so i fight-
jam blankets in the cracks of the windows, pour boiling water over my head, board up the doors, blast 70’s music.
it is only a matter of time before i find a way to wake up.
—  i will wake up, and this will have been a dream; e.d.
creators.vice.com
The Longest-Running Everyday GIF Artist on Tumblr Just Broke 4 Years
Angular Geometry’s mesmerizing loops have been a GIF art staple for nearly half a decade.

Angular Geometry (@angulargeometry) is so great! 

After we told him Tumblr’s data confirms he’s the longest-running everyday GIF artist, he said, “I have no idea how to word what I am feeling to be honest. I am really moved.

Awww. And as if his GIFs themselves weren’t inspiring enough…

His advice to artists on their own everyday creative journey is, "Don’t worry so much. So much greatness is ruined by anxiety. Some days will turn out like garbage, some days you will be magically inspired and you will make something you are extremely happy with. The great thing is that the days just keep coming.”

It’s been a beautiful four years, Tyler. Here’s to four more. 

I hope that you will find yourself before anything else, that you will not run out of your house in the middle of the night just to search for the missing pieces of you in strangers. I hope that you will stumble upon a love you live to give away, the kind that flows endlessly, that lives forever. I hope you will be happy for a long, long time.
—  Lukas W. // My good wish to you

the theater teacher at school runs a dnd club and hes running us through the haunting of harrowstone. my character has proven to be absolutely useless missing every attack i (and my animal companion) make, while also managing to provoke unneeded fights with ghosts. we were checking out all the doors in the hall in order and found a huge room

DM: this room is open and unremarkable except the piles of fabric strewn across the floor. across from you you can see a single skeletal hand reaching up and out from under some of the fabric

me: i cast spark to set it on fire

entire party: NO WHAT IF ITS A GOOD GHOST

me: why in the world would there be a good ghost in here weve been attacked by literally everything since we got here but fine i dont do that

sorcerer: i wanna look around [rolls high perception]

DM: as you look at this boney hand peeking out at you your vision shifts. it seems to be moving, but not moving, but its turning towards you but the hand itself is still but you see movement all the same. the next thing you see is a soft apparition of an older woman, who looks at you incredulously

woman: “what are you doing here? its too dangerous to be here”

cleric: “oh she cares about us!”

witch: “wait is this the wardens wife holy shit”

me: “oh. good thing i didnt set you on fire then.”

woman: [laughs] “its happened before”

me: [sudden realization that she burned to death here] “OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY”

Forbidden Love | Pt. 9

▷ Jimin Angst

❥ “I think about you a little more than I should..”

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

You read the last text message over and over again, each time sobbing harder because of the pain in your chest.

You never thought that leaving him would be so painful and hard for you. Each passing day, you felt weaker and weaker, the longing for his love and touch growing every second.

But you had him now. He needed you, just like you needed him. He changed your whole life, making you realize that you could love someone even more than you’ve ever imagined.

He made you realize that you had to be strong. For him and for yourself..

You snapped out of your thoughts when your felt the bed beside you dip slowly, two arms wrapping around your body and squeezing you tightly as much as he could.

Smiling softly, you hugged him back and closed your eyes, relaxing to the feeling of his soft and warm touch.

He belonged to you and you belonged to him. And you were ready to do everything not to change that.


Jimin sighed as he looked at his phone screen. It was another day and he had send another text message, just like everyday since you left.

At first, the text messages were expressing his anger and disappointment he felt towards you. But as time flew by, his anger turned into pain and the disappointment vanished away as if it had never been there before. He started missing you like crazy and hoped to find you as soon as he could.

But just like everyone, he had times too, where he felt like he was losing his hope, fighting for something no one could guarantee he would achieve someday.

Nonetheless, he believed in his love and promised himself every single day that he would find you.

Standing up from the bench, Jimin tucked his phone into his pocket and started walking with heavy steps towards his apartment.

Suddenly, he felt something bump against his leg and heard a silent whimper.

Turning his head around, Jimin looked down and saw a little boy sitting on the ground. The little boy was observing his knees carefully with his teary eyes, making sure not to touch the wound that was forming on his them.

Jimin crouched in front of him immediately. “Hey, are you okay?”

The little kid looked up at him with his teary eyes without saying anything and in that moment, Jimin felt his heart break into million pieces.

Reaching out for his purse, he took out two bandaids and covered the wounds with them so the little kid couldn’t be able to see them.

Patting his head, Jimin smiled at him. “Next time, be a little bit more careful, okay buddy?”

He watched how the teary eyes of the boy in front of him turned into amazed and happy ones. “Buddy? Can I really be your buddy?”

Jimin smiled widely at the question and nodded immediately. “Of course! But first, we need to find your mommy or daddy so you can go home safely, ok?”

Just before the kid could answer his question, they heard a panicked voice nearing them, making them turn their head towards the voice.

“Jihyun! You promised me you wouldn’t run away like that again! You scared the crap out-”

“Mommy!”

Jimin froze the minute he saw your face and heard the words coming out of the little boy’s mouth.

You, on the other hand, looked at Jimin with widely opened eyes, your heart beating furiously against your rib cage.

Just before you could say anything, Jihyun spoke again.

“Mommy look, this hyung looks just like my daddy you showed me in the picture!”

Again

Originally posted by natpekis

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 7,501 (ok kinda sorry)

Warnings: angst!, a tiny bit of violence, swear words, alcohol

Summary: Being Bucky’s best friend (after Steve of course) gets a lot of perks - but being in love with him WHILE being his best friend means that your adoration must be kept a secret. That also means you have to silently endure every single encounter with women he has whether he tells you or you see it for yourself.

A/N: So this one shot is based on the Amy Shark song “Adore You” (she speaks to me on so many levels!) and I just really wanted a Bucky fic for it because he’d be absolutely clueless to someone adoring him like this…I also kind of skipped over the “oh look at him I’m in love with him” fluffy stuff and I just focused on the couple of days leading up to the point reader can’t take it anymore. I like the angst - it fuels me *evil laugh*

Y/F/I = Your First Initial


I’m just gonna stand with my bag hanging off my left arm

I’m just gonna walk home kicking stones at parked cars

But I had a great night ‘cause you kept rubbing against my arm

I’m just gonna stand with my bag hanging off my left arm


You hugged Wanda and Nat, giving small waves to the boys, before turning to Bucky. 

“Hey B, I’m going to head back to the tower. The mission took a bigger toll on me than I thought.” You made a show of rubbing your neck, hoping the sadness in your eyes would be mistaken for exhaustion.

Bucky turned away from the young, curvy brunette tucked under his arm, his smile fading as his eyes scanned over you with concern. He didn’t move away from her, nor did you move any closer, instead you gripped the strap of your bag hard, until your knuckles were white, in an effort to ignore the pain radiating through your chest.

“Are you sure? Did you want me to come with you?”

You gave serious thought to saying yes, knowing he’d probably give the woman a kiss and get her phone number before following you out of the bar, talking your ear off about how she was this and that. All the while, you would be fighting the anger and nausea bubbling up your throat, fighting back the urge to scream at him to shut up about her and every other woman, just fighting to keep your face neutral as you listened to the love of your life pine after any and every other woman but you.

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The witch’s word rang through Sam’s mind as he listened to his brother talk about their latest hunt.

“…but the spell didn’t affect me, so I managed to run out, grabbed some witch killing bullets and ganked the bitch.”

Mary nodded. “Good job. But why didn’t the spell work on you and did on Sam?”

Dean shrugged and gulped down the rest of his beer. “Who knows? Dumb luck probably.”

Sam stared at his clasped hands at the table, refusing to look at either of them. Maybe he should have told Dean?

“Sam?” Mary asked and Sam could hear suspicion in her voice. She was good.

“What?” Sam tried to ask casually, but judging by the way Dean’s eyebrows furrowed as he peered at him, he did a poor job.

“Sammy? You’ve got something to share with the rest of the class?”

Sam let out an exasperated sigh and raised his hands as he yelled out, “The spell doesn’t work when a person is already in love with someone!”

The bang of his hands lowering to the table again was the last sound heard, prolonged silence stretching over them. Mary raised her eyebrows questioningly, but didn’t comment on the revelation.

When Sam dared to look at Dean, he expected anger, but instead he saw his brother fighting a smile and looking shyly - shyly! - at the table.

Dean finally looked up and grinned. “Looks like Cas always saves the day.”

  • *Junkrat and Roadhog run into Mercy*
  • Roadhog: Tell her we need her help! Tell her to rescue us and car for us. And whatever you do, do not scream “poop” at the top of your lungs!
  • Junkrat: I’M THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN!
  • *Mercy pulls out her pistol and starts shooting*
  • Roadhog: It’s over, idiot. We’re gonna die here and now, and the last words out of your mouth will have been “poop train”.
  • submitted by mother-fricking-sorcerer
THE SIGNS AS LORDE LYRICS

Aries:  We gladiate but I guess we’re really fighting ourselves. Roughing up our minds so we’re ready when the kill time comes. Wide awake in bed, words in my brain, “Secretly you love this do you even wanna go free?” - “Glory And Gore”

Taurus:  We’re never done with killing time. Can I kill it with you, ‘til the veins run red and blue? We come around here all the time, got a lot to not do. Let me kill it with you. - “400 Lux”

Gemini:  Baby be the class clown, I’ll be the beauty queen in tears. It’s a new art form showing people how little we care. We’re so happy, even when we’re smiling out of fear. - “Tennis Court”

Cancer:  My mother’s love is choking me. I’m sick of words that hang above my head. What about the kid? It’s time the kid got free. - “The Love Club”

Leo:  There’s nothing I want but money and time, million dollar bills and a tick tick tick tick. There’s nothing more cruel than only nine lives, a limit in spite will do the trick trick trick trick. - “Million Dollar Bills”

Virgo:  Cola with the burnt-out taste. I’m the one you tell your fears to.
There’ll never be enough of us.
- “Buzzcut Season”

Libra:  Dancing around the lies we tell. Dancing around big eyes as well.
Even the comatose, they don’t dance and tell.
- “Team”

Scorpio:  This dream isn’t feeling sweet, we’re reeling through the midnight streets. And I’ve never felt more alone. It feels so scary getting old. - “Ribs”

Sagittarius:  Don’t you think that it’s boring how people talk, making smart with their words again, well I’m bored. Because I’m doing this for the thrill of it, killing it, never not chasing a million things I want. - “Tennis Court”

Capricorn:  All work and no play, let me count the bruises. All business all day, keeps me up a level. All work and no play, lonely on the new shit, yeah. - “Still Sane”

Aquarius:  Raise a glass, ‘cause I’m not done saying it. They all wanna get rough, get away with it. Let 'em talk 'cause we’re dancing in this world alone, world alone, we’re all alone. - “A World Alone”

Pisces:  You’re the only friend I need, sharing beds like little kids. And laughing 'til our ribs get tough, but that will never be enough. - “Ribs”

a friend like mine [2]

Summary: A discussion about a break up leads to….interesting revelations. || Sebastian x Reader || part 2 of 2 || part one is here

Warnings: smut and all that entails, thigh riding, choking, spanking, seb being a dirty lil shit, swearing, and i think that’s it?

Note: I’m going to hell and you’re all coming with me

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You’re In Love With Him But He Likes Your Best Friend: Part 3

Part 1

Part 2

Masterlist linked in bio


“Out!”

It’s the first thing Y/n wakes up to, Savannah’s outraged voice echoing along the walls of Y/n’s bedroom.

Y/n groans, squinting her eyes open at the sudden movement of her bed shaking wildly.

Savannah’s pulling the stranger out of Y/n’s bed, her merciless hands continuously pushing him out the bedroom door. He’s half awake, his slumberous daze making him scramble as he attempts to throw his clothes back on.

“Fuckin’ Jesus” the unknown man grumbles, his eyes still half closed from the immense amount of alcohol he consumed the previous night.

Savannah remains relentless, despite his attempt to get fully dressed. He even falls at one point, when he hops on one foot to get his leg through his jeans, but she doesn’t stop for a second.

You, get out of here!” she demands, her hand giving him one last shove out the door before she slams it shut.

Y/n groans again, her sensitivity to anything other than complete darkness and silence making her throw the duvets over her head and bury her face in her pillow. She’s well aware that she has to embrace the very few seconds she has of total peace and quiet before Savannah begins to lecture her for the irresponsibility she just walked into.

She’s only able to reunite with darkness for a split second before Savannah pulls the covers completely off of her, bringing her back into the horrifying sunlight.

Y/n falls off the bed, letting out a groan as her still slightly intoxicated body makes contact with the wooden floor. Her hungover state is making it nearly impossible to figure out the chaos unraveling in the room; all she can really understand is the pounding in her head and the burning in her eyes every time she exposes them from their lids.

She rolls over onto her back, huffing as her fingers dig into her eyelids. She coughs, her abrupt movements making her stomach flip with every turn she makes. She’s given no time to recover before Savannah rips her arms away from her face, gripping onto her wrists as she pulls Y/n off of the floor.

“What the fuck is going on here, Y/n?!” Savannah yells, eyes glaring at Y/n’s very, very hungover stance.

Y/n nearly trips over her own two feet as she attempts to balance herself after Savannah harshly pulled her up from her collapsed figure. If she had the capability to answer back, she would have, but she’s still fucked up from last night and can barely stomach the sunlight seeping in from the curtains.

“Is this what you’ve been up to?!” Savannah spits, angry laughter tying into her words, “Is this the kind of shit you’ve been doing while cutting everyone off?! Sleeping with random guys?!”

The last thing Savannah expected to see was Y/n in bed with a half-naked man and empty bottles of alcohol scattered across her bedroom floor. It was extremely rare for Y/n to carelessly consume alcohol and have consistent one night stands. Savannah’s witnessed her go through these phases only a handful of times throughout their friendship, all of which stemmed from Y/n’s toxic intolerance of being alone.

She should have seen this coming, though. After finding out she’s been in a relationship with someone Y/n was in love with, the first thing she should have done was check up on her. But there was so much fear holding her back, so much guilt preventing her from confronting her about it.

She wouldn’t know exactly what to say, or how to say it, without making it sound like she was the shittiest friend in the world. She had a feeling Y/n had feelings for Harry, considering she had mentioned him a plethora of times once she met him.

And Savannah still took it upon herself to date Harry, for her own selfish reasons. She never thought that it was the potential reason Y/n was so distant. That thought was the last one in the back of her head, completely throwing her off guard when she found out.

She’s tried to reach out to her multiple times, only to be deliberately ignored and shut down. After a while, she figured all Y/n wanted was space, so she stopped trying for a couple days.

But nothing stopped Harry. He’d spend hours knocking on her front door, on his knees, begging for her to speak to him. He’d call her when he wasn’t near her, because he had driven himself crazy knowing he never told Y/n what he needed to tell her so urgently.

Y/n knew—she knew just how much effort he was putting into seeing her again. She heard him, every day, through her front door, but she never knew what to do. The constant fear that Harry didn’t feel the same way back was all the convincing she needed to never speak to him again.

There’s only so much her heart could break, and she didn’t know how many more times it could before she finally snapped.

Y/n grips her head as she squints her eyes shut, hissing at the throbbing in her head when Savannah’s voice booms throughout the room. The overwhelming migraine taking over Y/n’s head practically forces her to sit on the edge of her bed, the palm of her hands still digging into her eyes.

“Not cutting anyone off,” Y/n mumbles, grumbling when she opens her eyes properly to look at Savannah, “I’m just adjusting.”

It isn’t a lie. Her intention wasn’t to ignore them, not at all. But as time went on, the more her emotions started becoming fragile; one wrong sight would have made her break.

And as stupid as it sounds, having sex was the only time she felt wanted after Harry and Savannah started dating. Even if it was in a drunken state, even if it was just purely for physical pleasure, the hours spent with random men were the only moments she felt purpose.

It was also her biggest distraction. Having one night stands was her emotional outlet, her way of letting out all of her emotions without actually doing so. It sure as hell was better than being alone—anything was.

Savannah sighs, shaking her head softly as she kneels eye level to her. She’d never seen her like this before, so lost and broken. She would have lectured her further if she wanted to because she had every right to smack some sense into her. But after all this time, after all the pain she could only imagine Y/n going through, could she really do that to her? Could she really blame her for doing this to herself?

“Y/n,” she rubs her legs, “I have been the shittiest, most horrible friend to you. I was so selfish and so inconsiderate, and I don’t blame you for not speaking to me these past couple days. But, Y/n, this—” her hands gesture around the horrendous state of her bedroom, “this isn’t adjusting. Having drunk sex isn’t going to rid your feelings for Harry. You’re suppressing your emotions, you’re running away. That’s what you’re doing.”

Y/n’s lips begin to quiver as her eyes well with tears; the first time she’s truly cried since the night she saw Harry at Lexi’s. Savannah feels somewhat relieved when she sees the tears falling from Y/n’s eyes. It isn’t a familiar sight to see, but it shows her that she’s actually accepting what she’s been hiding all along.

“You have to talk to me. I don’t care if you yell at me, Y/n. I don’t care what you do to me, but you have to talk to me. You have to show me something. I can’t be hearing about your feelings from Harry, that’s not fair for anyone.”

“What was I supposed to say?” Y/n whispers, her words breaking beneath cries she so desperately wishes she could stop.

But there’s no going back now. The alcohol is still running in her system and she’s reacting instinctively. There is nothing holding her back, not now.

“How was I supposed to tell him that I was in love with him when I knew he didn’t feel the same way? And how was I supposed to tell you anything about him when I knew this would end up happening anyways?! And what was I supposed to say to the both of you when you both decided to take it upon yourselves to flirt in front of me?!

By now, Y/n’s blood is starting to boil. The words coming out of her mouth are laced with venom, her sudden shift in mood making Savannah swallow thickly. But everything in her is operating a million miles an hour, her words coming out faster than her brain can register. She doesn’t even remember standing up from the bed while she paces around her bedroom, empty bottles rolling around the wooden floor.

“Because no matter what I would have done, it would have ended the same! The way it always does, Savannah! The way it always ends with you getting what I want, even if I want it more—“

“Y/n—"

“Even if I need it! You still get it!”

The harshness in her voice is replaced by violent cries, her words drowned in uncontrollable sobs.

The pain is all over. Everything she’s attempted to numb is now all hitting her at once. All the loneliness, all the anger, all the hurt she’s been burying is now reaching the surface. She can barely breathe, all of the emotions suffocating her, squeezing against her throat.

Savannah is quick to embrace her shaken body, shushing her as her hands rub up and down her back.

A part of her always knew she was the reason Y/n’s love life was barely existent. Although Y/n never admitted it, she drops hints at it every so often. She did notice how all of Y/n’s high school crushes ended up liking her instead, and did notice how whenever Y/n tried to date, she would barely mention them to her. It was as if she was hiding them from her, completely intimidated that Savannah would take away her only chance at a relationship.

And Savannah can’t shake the horrible feeling she has when Y/n admits all of it to her.

Y/n buries her face in her shoulder, her tears soaking through her t-shirt. She wishes she could hold a grudge against Savannah, but she doesn’t have the heart to blame her for anything that’s happened. Everything is because of Y/n, everything happening is because of her fear of emotions and every bit of her has no one else to blame.

“I need him.” Y/n sobs into her shoulder, her hands tugging at the ends of her shirt for some sort of release.

“I need him so much. And I hate it—I hate that I do so m—much.”

“Oh, Y/n.” Savannah kisses her temple, holding her higher against her.

She knows how much Y/n needs him, and knows now more than ever. She was her happiest when she first met him, she was almost an entirely different person. But now, after everything that’s happened, Savannah has never seen her more of a wreck than she is in this moment.

“Let’s sit you down, you need to breathe.”

Y/n whimpers as she’s placed back on the bed, Savannah reminding her to breathe every couple of seconds. She looks at Y/n with sadness in her eyes, comforting her whenever she needs it most.  

“He needs you, too, you know.” Savannah sighs, shaking her head as she takes Y/n’s fidgeting hands into hers.

“I never noticed it until you distanced yourself from us. He didn’t open up to me the way he should have, never talked to me the way he had with you. When I asked him about it—asked him why he wasn’t communicating with me properly, he always mentioned you.”

Y/n flutters her eyes shut, pursing her lips with the slight possibility that Harry may actually feel the same way towards her. There was always a part of her that fully believed the only reason he’s tried so hard to reach her was because he felt guilty for hurting her so much.

But knowing that there’s a chance in Harry reciprocating feelings gives Y/n an overwhelming sensation she’s ever experienced before. It’s the first time in a while there’s a particular type of warmth in her chest, and she swears she begins to tear up from the bit of happiness she’s been missing.

“He would tell me that you were the only one he truly felt comfortable around. Even confessed you were the only one he’d ever be able to talk to, even if we were in a relationship. He was going absolutely mental.”

Savannah sweeps the pad of her thumb under Y/n’s eye, catching the few extra tears that are overflowing. She smiles weakly at her in reassurance, raking her knotted hair between her fingers.

“No matter how much he claimed to like me, he loved you. He’ll always love you. And even when he was completely oblivious, I know now that, deep down, he was always yours. He was never really mine, no matter how much we all thought differently.”

Y/n nods slowly, a small smile tugging at her lips when she hears Savannah’s words. It’s the first sense of hope she’s felt in a while, and it almost completely rids the pain. Almost.

“I’m sorry for ruining your relationship, though. I kind of feel like this is all my fault.”

Savannah laughs softly, finding it almost completely unbelievable that Y/n always finds a way to apologize, even when things aren’t her fault.

“Are you serious, Y/n? Nobody, including me, can love that man half as much as you do. I ruined your relationship. You barely had anything to ruin.”

She runs her hands through Y/n’s hair one last time before patting her shoulder, a smirk growing on her face as she stands up from her kneeling position.

“Now, up you go. I believe you have to talk to someone who’s been dying to see you.”


It’s when Y/n is about to walk out of her door, freshly showered with a new change of clothes, ready to face Harry when she realizes she never said it.

She never fully told Harry she loves him, not when he was conscious, at least. She had felt it for so long, it has taken over her for so long, yet she never told him how she felt. It almost makes her wonder if it’s the reason why he’s been trying so hard for her.

He needs to hear her say it.

“It’s not hard.” She mumbles to herself as she unlocks her front door.

“Not hard, I just have to fucking sa—”

“Y/n!” Harry breathes out, springing from his position on the ground up to his feet.

He twitches when he instinctively brings his hand up to reach for her, but he holds himself back. He isn’t quite sure how far he’ll allow her to go, but if it were up to him, every part of her would be against him. Every single part.

She sucks in a breath, not expecting to see him waiting on her doorstep, and certainly not expecting him to seem so relieved to see her.

“H—Harry,” she whispers hesitantly, “what are you—“

“I’m sorry!” He stutters, interrupting her before she has a chance to finish asking her question.

“I know how inappropriate it is of me to just sit on your doorstep so unexpectedly but I knew Savannah was coming and I thought that maybe this would be the only time I’d get to see you and I was going to come in but some guy came running out of here and I didn’t want to get in between your time with Savannah so I just figured I’d wait until you came back out but I wasn’t sure if you ever would so I just figured I'd—“

He stops rambling when he feels Y/n’s hand on his cheek, her eyes looking at him with so much tenderness he swears his heart melts.

“Catch your breath, Harry.” She mumbles, rubbing her thumb along his cheek, “Just take a breath.”

He inhales sharply as he closes his eyes, turning his head so that her hand is against his lips. He kisses her palm softly before she moves it to play with his unbrushed hair.

His eyes flutter shut at her touch, his body almost completely melting into her. He feels his weakest now more than ever, and he’s never been more relieved to be this close to her again.

“Who was he, Y/n?” he whispers.

“The guy, who ran out of here, who was he?“

As much of a coward as it makes him, the thought of her in bed with someone else physically and mentally pains him more so than he’s ever expected. His head swims with thoughts of her naked, trembling, crying as she devotes her love to some other man, and the more he thinks about it, the more sick his stomach feels.

“Have I been trying for nothing? Have I been wasting my time?”

How could you ever doubt my love for you? is the first thought that comes to her. How could you ever question how much I love you?

Instead of saying the words right at the tip of her tongue, her eyes crease inward, slightly shaking her head as she scrapes her fingertips delicately against his scalp.

“I don’t know, Harry.” she whispers honestly, “I don’t know who he is.”

He nods softly, but nothing in her answer reassures him. He knows there is no other explanation for a guy to run out of her house at nine in the morning without a shirt on.

“May I come in? Wanna talk.” He asks tentatively.

“Of course you can.”

Silence falls between them as they both claim spots on opposite sides of the room. 

There’s a tension in the room they both can’t seem to shake, an unaddressed barrier between them making it nearly impossible to find an appropriate way to start a conversation.

Harry’s the first one to break the silence, however, after a few minutes past of each of them refusing to make any eye contact with each other. 

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

The question caught Y/n’s attention quickly, her head that was once resting in the palm of her hand now up on its own, a small “hm?” parting past her lips.

She’s acting dumb even though she knows exactly what he’s talking about. She just isn’t prepared to answer him, not in the way he wants her to.

“That you’re in love with me. Were you ever going to tell me?”

She shrugs, her teeth biting her bottom lip as she tears her gaze away from his. She isn’t used to confrontation, especially when it involves her emotions. It’s one of her weaknesses, but there’s absolutely no way around this one. Even if there was, she wouldn’t have the audacity to take it. He deserves to know—everything this time.

“I told you before.”

Harry’s jaw clenches, eyes narrowing as he looks at her from across the room. No, he may have been oblivious about her feelings in the beginning, but he sure as hell would never have forgotten it if she told him how she felt.

“Bullshit!” He scoffs. “You didn’t tell me shit! We wouldn’t be here right now if you had told me!”

She sighs, her cheek laying right back down in the palm of her hand, almost as if shying away from him.

“Well, it’s just—you were sleeping.”

Harry stands from his place on the couch, face scrunching in aggravation as his hands rub up and down his face.

“You’re kidding me, right? You have to be fucking kidding me right now!”

His fingers harshly grip the roots of his hair before stomping is way towards her. If he doesn’t get any answers out of her, he swears he’ll lose his goddamn mind.

His hands grip the sides of her face, squeezing her jaw between his hands as he looks at her bewildered.

“I need answers, Y/n. I don’t think you understand how many fucking answers I need right now.”

He speaks through clenched teeth and a tightened jaw, frustration boiling in his blood as she gives him the outright most ambiguous and outrageous answers he’s ever heard in his life.

Y/n places her hands on top of his, her fingernails digging gently into his skin. Despite the harshness of his stare, this is the first time she’s seen him in weeks, and she still finds him to be the most beautiful sight she’s ever seen.

“It was the night after I drove you back from Lexi’s, when you and Savannah were kind of going through that rough patch.”

He falls to his knees in between her legs, an almost unnoticeable smile tugging at his lips from the memories of that night. Because although Savannah had left him by himself, he had a night with Y/n that changed him forever.

"You fell asleep on me, after you told me you were still going to fight for her. That was probably one of the worst things you could have said to me, but you didn’t know, and I was angry at myself for not telling you sooner. I didn’t know how else to tell you unless you were—you were sleeping.”

His hand reaches up to her lips, his thumb tracing along the outlines of her mouth once she’s done speaking. No matter how much she confuses him, and no matter how fucking angry she makes him, he wouldn’t want to be staring at anybody else right now.

“I loved you then, too” he whispers, “I didn’t know it. I didn’t know anything until you left me. I knew you meant everything to me, I knew you were the only one I trusted so deeply. But the second I lost you, I felt empty.”

He presses his forehead against her collar bones, her heart beating quickly against his neck. She sighs, her fingers intertwining with his against her lap as her hips slide more towards the edge, her knees supporting the sides of his chest.

“Didn’t matter that I had Savannah. She was lovely, don’t get me wrong, but she wasn’t you. I tried so hard to make myself believe I was just missing you as a friend, but there was nothing that convinced me.”

His tearful eyes looked into hers, both chuckling slightly at their current state. They’re both crying, both their hearts racing in their chests. If someone were to tell them now that there’s a feeling even remotely close to how beautiful they feel now, together, they wouldn’t have believed it for a second.

Y/n wipes away the loose tears on his cheeks while she sniffles, giggling softly at how stupid they probably look.

“I’ve always loved you, Harry,” she whispers, “there’ll never be a time that I stop. No matter how hard I try, my love for you is stronger.”

It’s when the words fall from her lips that Harry realizes all he needed was for her to hear her say it. Her voice is so sweet as she says it, too, and her eyes leave no trace out doubt when she looks into him.

He tries to hold back the irresistible urge to kiss her, but it’s completely impossible. His lips press feverishly against hers, both of them releasing moans at just how right it feels to be kissing one another. Their kiss isn’t the slightest bit romantic. It’s harsh, it’s desperate, it’s messy but it’s just what they need.

Harry crawls on top of her, his hands on every part of her they can touch. He groans when he feels her nails scratch down his back, leaving her giggling underneath him.

“Mine.” He growls, his thumb putting pressure right underneath her chin.

He admires her face, the glorious look of her swollen lips, wet eyes, and pink cheeks. It’s the most beautiful sight he’s ever seen. A soft whimper leaves her lips, craving nothing more than to feel his lips against hers again.

“These lips are mine. All of you—all of you is mine. No other fucking wanker gets you the way I do.”

She smirks, her eyes half-lidded.

“‘m not allowed to sleep with random guys but you’re allowed to fuck my best friend?”

He presses his lips against her again, his hands brushing loose strands of hair away from her face as he does so.

“Never fucked her,” He mumbles against her lips, “couldn’t get you off my mind.”

Y/n rolls over so that she’s on top of Harry, her legs on either side of his waist as her hands roam his chest through his t-shirt. He looks priceless like this, weak and breathless underneath her as her hands grip the sides of his face.

“The prettiest man I’ve ever seen.”

He blushes, his bottom lip in between his teeth as he sends her the biggest grin she’s ever seen on him. His eyes are full of love, too, and Y/n swears every breath she had the chance to take has been knocked right out of her.

“Nobody makes me feel the way you do, Y/n. Nobody.

Who owns me?

Bucky x reader

Notes: mentions of past trauma, violence, past torture/brainwashing, fluff, smut, discovery of past self.  

Summary: when Bucky’s in hiding in Romania, he finds a girl he’s sure needs his protection. He doesn’t remember who gave him the mission; but he’s so sure some one gave it to him. After setting it all up, he notices that there’s more to this girl than meets the eye. She might need him watching over her more than he initially thought. 

(This takes place after TWS and before CW)

A/N: Hi guys! It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything; I just had to get something out there. Part two will be here soon, there might be more parts after that, because I have an open ending atm. (I do love me some open endings now and then)

Originally posted by caps-bucky

He doesn’t know who she is. He doesn’t know why she’s important, but she is. He knows the only thing that matters is that she’s safe. It’s his mission to protect her from all harm, to make sure she lives her life however she wants, without any disturbance. Often he tries to remember who it was that gave him this mission; maybe it was Pierce, maybe Rumlow, which would indirectly mean it’d have been Pierce. Or maybe it was the Captain. The last time he saw the Captain was about a year ago, before he ran to try and get all of these things floating around in his mind in order. He’d listen to the Captain. He used to, he thinks. Before his commander was Pierce; even before it was Karpov. He sometimes imagines that the Captain was good to him, and the others.. Were there others? He thinks so.

Keep reading

Twenty things I’ve learned in Twenty Years

1. Life will break you down until you’re crawling on your hands and knees, until you feel like you are Atlas holding the world upon your shoulders, until you feel like the raging inferno inside of your chest is going to combust. These are the moments that will forge you in a fire and make you more unbreakable than diamonds.

2. We are made of stardust, at least that’s what they say. I remember someone told me that every atom in my body once belonged to a star that exploded. At night I stare at my hands and wonder when I will erupt. I know now that I cannot trust anyone else to keep me whole in the darkest hours of the night but my own two star infused arms.

3. You will fall in love, and that is okay. Sometimes we need to fall in love to remember that there is good out there. Fall in love with the boy who opens the door for you, fall in love with your boss who works too hard, fall in love with the woman who hands out roses on that one street corner, fall in love with yourself.

4. They weren’t lying when they said we accept the love we think we deserve. I grew up being told I was a mistake and so I adopted the idea that no one could ever love a mistake. I was wrong (they were wrong) and now it’s up to me to prove them wrong. Don’t believe the things they said, you are so much more than the toxins they tried to poison you with.

5. Close your eyes, count to ten, and open them again. You are not alone. I know it may feel like you are the only one, but believe me when I say that you aren’t. I was where you are, and now I have talked to more people that have been through much worse than I than I would like to admit to. You are never alone, not really.

6. Music can save. Play it as loud as you can with the windows down as you drive (probably a little too fast). Play it while you are at work and while you are in the shower and play it when you want to give up in the middle of the day and when you want to give up in the middle of the night. Just play the music that tugs at your heartstrings, it may save you.

7. Nothing in life is easy, not really. You will catch a few breaks here and there, but the rest of the time you will find yourself fighting tooth and nail to make it back to the top. Don’t give up, I almost did this year and if I had I wouldn’t be able to witness what the sun looks like shining in her eyes.

8. You will have scars, and that’s fine. We all have them but it’s up to you if you want to hide them or show your battle wounds to the world so they know how strong of a warrior you are, so they know not to fuck with you.

9. Watch the sunrise, and watch the sunset. There is something about the sun that screams life; let the light bleed into you and consume you until you shine with it. Sometimes it’s the simple things we are missing in life that we need the most.

10. They will say they love you and then they will turn around and break your heart. You cannot compare your life’s worth to the empty spaces that were once filled around you. People will leave (willing or not) and life will go on. Let life go on.

11. If you are under the impression you are broken, then it is up to you to decide if you are or not. It took me years to admit that I was never quite whole, but when I did it was the most freeing feeling ever. Brokenness does not take away from perfection, and you are the very definition of perfect.

12. It’s okay to let people in, you don’t need to cage yourself away from the rest of the world, don’t forget to live your life while you pursue safeness.

13. Hobbies will save you when all else fails you, find a hobby and stick to it. When the world feels all too loud, a hobby can make you go deaf.

14. The moment you realize Wonder Woman or any other superhero you idolized as a child is not going to swoop down and save you is when your life changes. You have to be your own hero in this world. Stop waiting for someone to save you and go save yourself.

15. They are gone, she took her own life and he died in a car crash and she died from cancer and he left. You cannot live your life counting how many people that held a piece of your heart vanished, I’m not saying to forget about them I’m just saying that it’s okay to say goodbye.  

16. It’s okay to cry; cry in the shower and in bed and in your car, being sad is okay as long as you don’t let it consume you.

17. Smile as much as you can even on the bad days.

18. For God’s sake, don’t let them ruin you. You are so strong, you’ve made it this far and that means you can make it another day. If you can get through today you can get through tomorrow and every day that follows. If you feel like you can’t get through the day then sit down and don’t move until the light is peaking in through your window.

19. Never say never. If you think you can’t do something try anyway, this is your life, you are the main character of your own story, but you are also the author of your story. Write it however you want, but don’t give up halfway through.

20. Just don’t take your life. While this is something I learned this year I’m also writing this as a reminder to myself and to you. Don’t do it, please. There can be more to life than what you are feeling right now, don’t rob yourself of the beauty of this world. Don’t give up, no matter how much it hurts.
—  An open letter to myself, and to you. (Sometimes I write until I run out of words) ALightLitInTheDark

Do you ever think about what it will be like for us shippers and just readers of fanfiction in general when we are old. And I mean like 90 years old, in case we get the privilege to live that long.

Do you ever think about the fact that after all the challenges of life you will have been through, all the pain and suffering and laughter and love you will have felt, you will be sitting in a squishy armchair, perhaps a cup of tea in one hand and a phone or tablet in the other and you will stumble upon one of your favourite fics that you read when you were still so, so young.

You will begin to read it, a warm feeling of nostalgia will overwhelm you as if someone had lit a warm fire in your old and bruised body. And you will smile and laugh and cry with your favourite stories again, all the more precious this time because you know life is running out for you and this might very well be the last time you get to feel these words about your favourite people in your favourite imaginary world. 

It will remind you of all the stories you’ve read, where you read them, what they taught you and how much more beautiful your life was because of them. At that moment you won’t regret a thing in your life, because, no matter what you’ve been through, it has all led to this wonderful humbling feeling of love.