i ruined a perfectly good picture for this

Pagan Min’s Calls: A Comprehensive List (In Progress)

I love getting those calls from Pagan Min while playing Far Cry 4, but I haven’t been able to find any kind of comprehensive list or videos. So I’ve decided to make one. I made up the titles pretty much. Anything title in italics needs the full transcript. I’ve linked clips I’ve found where possible because obviously you need to hear him say these things. Please send any transcripts and/or clips you have found!

It would also be really interesting to learn if there’s any specific order they typically come up in. I personally have heard each one up through “Yuma’s First Impressions”, in this order.

Last Updated: 15 Feb 2015, 6:00pm EST

“Again with the Crab Rangoon”

…I had him killed. Or was it his family? Either way, the spread will be better next time…That’s the last time I’m kidnapping a fucking TV celebrity chef…

“That’s It. That’s the Call.”

“Ajay? Ajay? Aaaaaaaaajaaaaay?”

“Uh? Yes?”

“Awesome! Oh, just making sure you’ve been listening.”

Our Little Family

I wish you could remember what it was like back then, Ajay. Your mother and I, with you on her hip, oh those were the days. She was never happier than she was back then, and I should say the same for myself. We had such plans, not just for our little family, but for Kyrat. It wasn’t always like this, I long for those days but then it’s too late. I tried, I really really did, this place is ruinous. Try not to let them drag you down, Ajay. Ishwari didn’t send you back here for that.

“Kanye”

I’ve been thinking about my image, on the world stage, and I think what I lack is a celebrity endorsement, you know, a visit from Dennis Rodman type. Perhaps I could get Beckham to bring the Galaxy over for a game against my best 11? A bit cliché now I suppose. A pop star? If the dictator of Turkmenistan can get J-Lo to sing him “Happy Birthday” then who’s to say I can’t get my fading star of yesteryear? I wonder how much Kanye is going for. Do you follow him on Twitter? It is gold. I would love to shoot the breeze with that young man.

“No Homo” (7:57-8:32)

Uncle Pagan here, just checking in on my favorite nephew. So tell me, Ajay, who are you rooting for so far? Have you fallen into Amita’s honey pot, or have you been dazzled by Sabal’s flowing locks and bad-boy jawline? Hey, each to his own, that’s your lifestyle choice to make. He isn’t my cup of tea, contrary to the rash assumption some may make about my appearance. I am indeed batting for the other team. You, more than most, should know that there was only ever one woman for me, my boy.

“Always Money in the Banana Stand Temples” (8:32-9:31)

Oh, I’d love to give you a tour of my vaults one day. Right now, I’m looking at all the wealth of Kyrat. Gold medallions, ivory statues, jade carvings, such delightful trinkets! The Golden Path says I stole its wealth, but I did no such thing! They robbed themselves for centuries instead of putting it to good use! I, on the other hand, have been selling off whatever I can to the West, and whatever I can’t, I melt it down and make something a little more…contemporary. There’s a lesson for you, Ajay. People are hypocrites, and they all want someone to blame for their shit-filled lives, they never want to accept their share of the responsibility. The next time they’re whining about building schools or clinics, remember they’ve been hiding away their fortune in dusty old monasteries for centuries!

“Fucking Candles”

Ajay, you’ve been out and about exploring Kyrat for a while now. Tell me who lights all of those fucking candles? The country is in the grips of a civil war, an apparently monstrous dictator has the country on it’s knees, and yet some industrious fool has put it upon himself to wake up every morning and go around lighting hundreds, and hundreds of candles. Oh I’m tempted to employ someone to blow them all out again. Actually I have a better idea—Gary. GARY! Put it down this is important. Listen, candles are now illegal. What? Yes all of them! Treason punishable by death, thank you—and thank you Ajay, you just made my week.

“Zippered Meat Pockets”

Ajay, I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of having a new suit made up for you. If you are to lead Kyrat when this is all over, you’re going to need a sharper look than denims and fucking sneakers, my boy. And that jacket. Oh, don’t get me started. Why on Earth do you need so many zippered pockets? What do you keep in them all? Handfuls of meat? Huh, I suppose you do. I’ll make a note for my tailor: “Ajay’s jacket, zippered meat pockets.” Perfect. Well, don’t let me slow you down.

“PowerPoint”

Did I ever tell you about Noore? This is one of my favorites. She used to be a doctor, quite a benevolent soul. She came to Kyrat on some aid mission in the early days of my reign. She had the audacity to write a report on the human right abuses perpetrated by my regime! So I reached out to her, invited her to come back, to see the improvements, how we’d acted on her recommendations. I extended the invite to her family. So she came, husband and kids. I put them up in the palace, I even put on a little meeting for her, made a PowerPoint, “A 12-Step Action Plan” to address Kyrat’s human rights violations *chuckles* Except each slide was about how I was going to ruin Noore’s life. *laughs* So Paul “De Pleur” kept her family hostage while I forced the great humanitarian, Dr. Najjar, to run the most terrible parts of my Kyrati empire. Oh, between you and I, I think she actually enjoys it now.

“Lancing Boils” (9:32-10:14)

A word to the wise, Ajay. The next time you need something lanced, employ the services of a professional, as scarce as those services may be around here. Did you know because of your mother I sponsored an entire class of students to study medicine in Singapore? And they never came back! Can you believe the depth of that ingratitude? Paul dealt with their families here in Kyrat, and I had my contacts in Singapore track them down and find a fitting end for each of them, yes. Oh, as satisfying as that was, I now find myself lancing my own boils. Gary! Bring me some gauze and some fucking antiseptic ointment!

Yuma’s First Impressions

I’ve spent a lot of my life apologizing for Yuma’s first impressions. She has a remarkable ability to make consistently terrible introductions. I’d love for you two to meet on better terms, she really has been the driving force behind most of my successes. She forges deals with my international buyers, she polices Noore and De Pleur, she even finds time to run my army. Well, that is until her recent obsession with Kyrati superstition took a hold of her. She thinks I don’t know about the expeditions she’s been sending up the mountains looking for magical paintings or whatever it is. I’m as open as the next fellow about negligible losses for the sake of employee morale, but only so many pens can go missing from the stationary cupboard before someone has to lose a hand!

“Piano Recital”

I was in America not so long ago. I looked up Ishwari, but I couldn’t bring myself to see her, not after all these years. You always regret those decisions when they die, don’t you? Anyway, I was there with De Pleur, or rather “Paul Harmon”. He invited me to his home to meet his family, to see the other side of him. It was incredible to see the man behind the man. Paul, the loving father and husband. I was as jealous as I was happy for him. We went to his daughter’s school to see a recital. There was his darling Ashley, the light of his life. I could see the tears welling up in his eyes, so proud, so much love. It really made me think, what if I had followed Ishwari? What if that were you clumsily stumbling through a piano recital as I looked on teary-eyed through a viewfinder, capturing every precious moment. It always hits you when it’s too late, Ajay, always when they’ve gone.

“Cocaine and Yak’s Blood”

After Ishwari left it was a very dark time for me. Oh I was a cruel and angry young man. It’s this time more than any that gives me the reputation I have today. Yes, yes, I murdered countless innocents, yes I outlawed religion, yes I changed the currency so everyone’s savings were meaningless. And yes, I may have gone through a period of bathing in yaks’ blood and slamming rails of coke. But…I’m reformed now, look at me, getting this country back on it’s feet again. Top shape, Ajay. *snorts a rail of coke* Top shape.

“Pàng Xióng”

Ajay, did I ever tell you about my first body double? Not the one you wiped off the map, he’s number three or four now perhaps. Anyway, the first one, Jeong was his name, started brilliantly. He looked the part, diligent in his duty, but back then I didn’t realize what becoming me could do to a man. He went completely berserk! And it wasn’t the random beheadings or the blood-drinking that did him in in the end, no! It was a particularly embarrassing incident where in full costume, he was caught trying to sneak into Disneyland! Using a forged Dominican Republic passport–this is the best part–under a Chinese name that meant “Fat Bear”. Fucking imbecile!

Story-Relevant (spoilers!)

“Poor Eric” (15:06-15:53)

“Hello Ajay, did you miss me? Oh wait, yes, you did!”

“Pagan? I just killed you!”

“No, no, you just ruined a perfectly good body double with hair loss. Do you know how expensive he was to make? He wasn’t even Asian, for Christ’s sake, he was from Melbourne, I think. His only crime was being born with fabulous cheekbones. Whose picture do you think’s on the money? No matter, what’s done is done, I suppose next time it’ll just be you and me.

"Choices” (18:35-19:46)

“Oh Ajay, I can almost see your furrowed brow from here.”

“Pagan, what do you want.”

*tutting* "Tone! I’m merely calling to check up on you! I hear your little friends are having a bit of a spat. It must be hard, what with you in the middle of it all. Choices are difficult. Trust me, I’ve been there. In fact, you should be grateful for the choices I’ve made. Choices like Yuma. I went on live television to serve her up to you, and I loathe television. Radio is so much more my thing. And you, you jumped on the opportunity. Poor Yuma, she will be missed. It was a tough call to make, picking you over her. But it was the right call. You’ll see. Of course, you’re in a hurry. Places to go, shit to tear up. I’ll let you get back to it. But don’t forget, Ajay, choices have consequences.“

"Something More Contemporary” (20:07-20:37)

Really, Ajay? What do you have against my likeness? All those posters, Eric my double, and now this. Am I missing a hint? Should I start taking this personally? That statue was solid fucking gold. Literally! I’m not being metaphorical. Do you know how many artifacts I had to melt down to get it made? And poor Eric standing there for God knows how long just to pose for it! Well, what’s done is done. And dinner’s nearly ready.

Farewell Address

If you’re listening to this, I am no longer with you. At the time of this recording, Ajay Ghale has just ditched me at a dinner party, and I am admittedly a little ???. I have a plan for what should happen next, but the future is a fickle mistress. Regardless, I hope I leave Kyrat in better hands than my own. And to the Golden Path, oh ho! Fuck you. I’ve always hated the lot of you. Sincerely, Pagan Min.

Escape from Durgesh DLC

“That’s My Boy”

Well I had something important to say, but I suppose you just want to get out there and start shooting things. *chuckle* That’s my boy.

“Typos”

You know what I hate? Typos. You pay good money for propaganda posters, you expect them to be properly proofread! Ajay, be a good little errand boy and destroy the less than perfect propaganda in that center. While you’re at it, teach the people there a lesson. We’ll see if they’ll ever spell Pagan with an ‘e’ again! I’ll bet this is Yuma’s doing. She knows just how to piss me off.

“Elephants!”

I feel so much better knowing those terrible posters will never see the light of day. I’m giving you elephants. That’s right, elephants! I call the big one Hurley. He’s clumsy, but oh-so-adorable.

“Boom Boom”

Well, Daddy’s tower didn’t go boom-boom, so that means you must have succeeded. Excellent work, Ajay. You are, er, let’s see here, “capable and valued”, yes, those were the words for the day. I’m a believer in positive reinforcement in case you haven’t figured that out. Your reward! It will be made available to you when you head to your little landing zone. Thank you so much!

“Positive Reinforcement”

I still believe in you, and I still value you, Ajay. I’m a believer in positive reinforcement. I’m in control of my temper, even if you did just fuck up royally!

 


Honestly not really sure what this is.


Remus isn’t surprised.

He would do anything, absolutely anything to be surprised by what just happened. He would give anything to feel the usual tightness of disbelief, the throbbing of hurt in his chest. But he feels nothing. He feels hollow.

He isn’t surprised. Why should he be? This is a pattern for them after all. He should learn to see it coming is what he always told himself. It would be better, healthier even, if he could just see it coming. Only, now that he does, he doesn’t feel better at all. Expecting this from Sirius is worse. Feeling… almost relief, when the blow up comes, was so much worse. It was just jealousy, Remus knew that, but he still couldn’t stand how angry Sirius got, how defensive. He supposed it was left over from his childhood, maybe the fact that he finally had something to hold onto and he didn’t want it to be taken from him. He didn’t want it to walk away. But if he could just see that Remus wasn’t going anywhere…

Remus raises his face from his knees, pulling them tighter against his chest, when he hears the familiar boots against the wood floor of the hall. His spine pressed uncomfortably into the door, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. He’d given Sirius quite the earful, telling him how sick he was of it all, of him ruining a perfectly good night with this irrational fear of his. He’d left Sirius standing, speechless for once, in the living room and locked himself in the bedroom.

The boots stopped just on the other side of the door, hesitant. Remus could picture Sirius pulling at his hair, pushing it off his forehead and letting it fall back. There’s a soft, barely there knock.

“Re?”

Remus isn’t sure if it’s the plank of wood between them that makes his voice sound thick or emotion.

“Re… Please, are you in there?”

Remus wants to roll his eyes. No, Sirius, I went out the window. But his chest aches. His reflex is to answer, to put Sirius out of his misery as soon as possible. But he’s done with it. He’s done with the shielding, the mistrusting of anyone who approaches Remus. He’s definitely done with letting Sirius blame it on how much he loves him anymore. It’s more than that and they both know it.

Remus holds his breath when he hears two thuds followed by one softer one. Sirius’ knees hitting the floor, Sirius dropping his forehead against the door. Remus presses a hand to his chest, like it would hold him together, make this easier on his heart.

“I know I fucked up. God, Re, I know, okay? I know I- I don’t know why I…”

Remus closes his eyes, letting his head fall back against the door as he does, and then freezes, realizing only too late that Sirius definitely heard that. There’s a beat, and all the air leaves the room for a moment. Then he hears Sirius let out a breath.

“Fuck, you’re right there, aren’t you?”

Remus bites his tongue. He swears he can feel the heat of Sirius’ body through the wood.

“I don’t mean to do it, Remus. I just get- I get so… fuck, I’m jealous. I get… I get worried. I know that sounds stupid as fuck but I do. I can’t help it, you’re everything to me and if some bloke were to just walk up and-“

Remus hears another thump, just next to his head, and a curse.

“Remus, I’ll try harder. I know you’d never… I know it wouldn’t ever happen. God, this isn’t about you it’s about me and you’ve never done anything to make me think you’d do anything to hurt me… us.” He hears a soft, sad laugh, “I’m realizing that I’m the one who does most of that.”

Remus turns, palms pressed against the cool wood, forehead forward, and somehow knows he’s mirroring Sirius’ position, kneeling.

He hears Sirius let out a shaky breath and his heart tightens, “I really will try… God, please open the door. Just open the door, can’t we talk?”

His body responds before his brain and he’s sitting back on his heels, turning the lock and opening the door.

Sirius’s head snaps up, palms still outstretched, as if the door was still there to support them. His eyes are rimmed with red, hair mussed and looking soft against his tan skin. Remus wants to say something, to tell him that this isn’t fixed, that it would take some work-

“I know.” Sirius only has to read Remus’ face. He nods, “I know, I do, Re. God, just- come here, please. Please-”

Remus falls into the embrace, needing it more than he can admit right now.

“You have to try.” He finally says, combing his fingers through Sirius’ hair, “You know I’m yours.”

Sirius keeps his face hidden in Remus’ neck, but he feels him nod and plant a kiss there. And really, that’s all the answer he needs.

Picture Perfect (Part 2)

A/N: hi this is my first real one shot/imagine type thing I hope its not terrible also Technology doesn’t work near hogwarts,, but we’re gonna,, forget that rule for rn,,
I didn’t really proofread this so it’s probably not the best just bear with me plz
Gifs aren’t mine. Requests are open!!
Summary: (Y/N) has liked Sirius for a while. Although flirtatious as he is, he starts coming off a little more than used too. Especially when taking pictures.
Word Count: 2087
Pairing: young!Sirius Black x Reader
Warnings: like one swear word, grabbing thigh, think that’s it

“Hello, (Y/N),” Sirius says quietly. He was wearing a black AC/DC shirt and pajama pants, and his hair was down and parted in the middle, per usual.
I turn my head, startled. I noticed that it was just Sirius, so I relaxed my shoulders and turned back to my photo album. “Hello, Sirius,” I reply. “Want to sit with me?”
“Sure,” he makes his way from the top of the stairs of the boys dormitories to the couch in front of the fireplace and sits down next to me.
While putting the pictures of us into the photo album, I pipe up and speak.
“So, Remus seems to think you might have a crush on me,” I told him smiling.
“Oh really?” Sirius says, a smirk forming on his pale face.
“Yes, but I must say, I don’t exactly agree with him.” I say with a giggle.
Sirius raises an eyebrow, The smirk still plastered to his face. “And why is that?”
“Well,” I pause and smile, “you’re definitely not scared to show your flirtatious side.”
“Mmm, that’s true, But, what if I told you,” Sirius moves closer to you, “That Remus was right?” His hand moved to my knee.
My breath hitched a bit, Sirius noticed this and smiled.
I answer Sirius, “I’d be a bit surprised,” our faces were getting closer.
“I don’t see how you’d be surprised, for such a smart, lovely, sexy, girl,” Sirius says smiling.
Our eyes met and I almost melted. They were like black diamonds, with twinkles in his eyes. I saw his stubble that he hadn’t shaved in a couple days. The dark bags under his eyes from late nights. Every imperfection I saw, I loved.
Sirius looks down to my lips and looks back up to my eyes. Getting the message, I collided my lips with his. He immediately kissed back for a few seconds. I was a bit sad when he pulled away, not showing it in my expression though. His hand was still on my leg, it had worked up from my knee to my mid thigh.
“(Y/N), would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?” Sirius asks. He squeezed my thigh a bit and made me smile.
“I would love too. Maybe you could buy me some more film there?” I ask, laughing.
“Oh, clever, like the three galleons weren’t enough?” He snaps back with a laugh as well.
Sirius pulls me in for hug, both arms around my upper body. I put my arms around his neck, and he kisses me on the temple. We both smiled like idiots and fell asleep on the couch.

_______

SOME EXTRA FUNNY STUFF

“Awe, Padfoot, as cute as you both are, you’re going to have to get your lazy arses up for class!” James yells from the top of the stairs going down.
Sirius’ eyes shot open and he sat up quickly, moving me off of his chest and onto the couch.
“What time is it?” I say quietly. Sirius was stretching out his back, his shirt lifted up and I saw his (rather lovely) midriff.
“Well you missed breakfast, so I came back here to get you lovebirds,” James says.
“Give us two minutes,” Sirius says. I finally got up and ran upstairs to grab my robe and bag.
“See James? Ruined a perfectly good morning for me and (Y/N),” I hear Sirius say from downstairs.
“Oh, but I though I was your one true love?” James asks sarcastically, “Don’t worry, I caught your beautiful moment on camera,” James pulls up a picture of me and Sirius, asleep on the couch all cuddled together.
I started walking downstairs, putting my robes on, “And I thought you didn’t know how to use muggle cameras?” I ask.
“Quick learner,” James quickly replies.
I smile and roll my eyes, “Whatever, c'mon boys. Mcgonagall will have a fit if we’re late to her class one more time.”
I make Sirius and James grabs there bags, and we all start walking to class. Once in the hallways, Sirius puts his arm around my waist.

anonymous asked:

Honestly, Damien in Dream Mom's would then be a trans woman not a trans guy, so your art would be perfectly acceptable. I still don't like seeing gender swaps of him due to all the fetish art floating around, but like I understand entirely your picture and how it goes. Sorry you're getting a lot of hate, it's just really a sensitive subject for everyone due to actual shitfucks ruining stuff. Have a good day!

Hey, thanks for stopping by and explaining it to me! I totally missed all the fetish art, so didn’t even know that it was problematic. For me to do genderbend art is mostly to imagine what whould something look like with women protagonists in it. Basically when I do genderbend, it’s all about women, because when I was a little girl I thought that women were not interesting, not as cool and smart and hero-like as men, but oh my gosh how wrong I was. Feminism is a huge part of my life now and I want to reflect it in my art, because my art is the strongest tool I have. So it’s really upsetting that people interprete it as something offensive, when all I really want to do is to show my love and respect for all the women out there.
Sorry, that was unnecessarily long! Have a nice day!

In case anyone is wondering why I threw a perfectly good book that I really wanted to read in the bathtub, people were harassing someone here on tumblr for taking a picture of a book in the rain - they were worried it would ‘ruin’ the book - even though the book was clearly dry.

And I hate book snobs who try to tell other people what to do with their books, so I decided to take drastic measures.

My sister thinks I’m insane but that’s ok.