i require meat

When in doubt, Thaumaturgy and bad choices

So first, let me say that I am playing a 5e Tiefling Greatweapon Fighter with Criminal background in a group at my local comic shop. I joined in 2 weeks ago (three Wednesdays in the US, that’s when the shop holds weekly D&D) and been in two Wednesday sessions so far due to no DM one week.

The First session I was Chaotic Good and joined the party in investigating “The Cave of Moving Earth” (Elemental Evil campaigns for everyone). With the exception of being severely lower level than everyone else and being put into death saving throw range every fight except the “Final boss” it mostly went went well. Mostly. There was a point where we had taken the long way around a foyer and avoided a major battle. While in the room we had arrived, devoid of enemies, I had decided to quietly look into the room we had bypassed. I failed to get the door open, and the DM who was filling in for the week had it so the handle fell off and made a loud noise to boot.

I was able to hear movement on the other end, so i used a Tiefling’s natural ability to use the Thaumaturgy cantrip to make my voice boom and say “FOOLISH MORTALS! DO NOT COME THROUGH THIS DOOR IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIVES!” I rolled a mid strength number (don’t remember exact) and the door was opened. The DM described the being on the other end as being “a humanoid half [my] height” and gave no other description.

Both in and out of character the thoughts that went through my head were as follows. “We’re underground, in a temple like structure and we’re dealing with some kind of evil cultists… Gnomes and Drawfs would be half my height  and they both have strong ties to Earth… I AM NOT GETTING MY BALLS SHANKED BY SOME EVIL DWARF OR GNOME!” My reaction was to “This is SPARTA” kick the figure in the face. It was a kid… one of many kids we had been sent down to save… and the DM had me roll a d4 as though I were a monk instead of the 1+STR mod that nonmonks are supposed to do for unarmed damage… I put the kid into death save range when i rolled the 4. He lived though due to other member of the party healing him while i was still out cold from the Orcish thug who blind-sided me afterwards and put me into death save range. On top of that, the DM had me roll a D20 to see if I dropped in morality (despite the fact that kicking the kid was an instinct thing, not premeditated).The die had not been with me at all that night, so when I didn’t meat his requirement of nat 20, I wasn’t surprised that I dropped to Chaotic Neutral.

Fast forward two weeks to last night. Our party is one smaller because our Necromancer decided she was going to join the other group at about the same point instead, leaving our group as me, the fighter, a half-“drow” monk, and a human ranger. We had one combat encounter this session, with a different (and in my opinion more reasonable) DM. Cultist riding giant vultures, and us heading to a “spire” citadel to find a missing delegation from Mirabar. We arrived at night, so even wearing chain mail i didn’t have disadvantage.

We found no way to get in without a grappling hook (we had plenty of rope, but not a hook) aside from the main entrance draw bridge that was currently raised so that we couldn’t cross the gorge. There was a bell there that we could ring, so we decided to “ding-dong ditch” to try and get them out by shooting the bell from a hidden point. Well, this works out well, with the exception of me getting a total of 4 on my stealth roll when they look out from the Spire.

I decide, maybe I can get the gatehouse open another way. Thaumatury for booming voice and a hit of harmless tremors in the earth as i speak. “PATHETIC LITTLE WHELP! I AM A POWERFUL BEING OF THE LOWER PLANES, HERE TO SPEAK WITH YOUR LEADER. LET ME IN NOW, OR I WILL DESTROY YOU AND YOUR SOUL WILL SUFFER FOR ALL ETERNITY.” Natural 20 on the deception check, and the DM is honestly not sure what to do. As it looks like they’re going to not let me in, I speak again. “TURN ME AWAY, AND YOU WILL LOSE THE POSSIBILITY OF GAINING A DIPLOMAT TO ACT ON YOUR BEHALF. I COULD GAIN FOR YOU ALLIES FROM THE ELEMENTAL PLANES.” 15 rolled for persuasion, no bonus. DM is flipping from book to book, at a loss because he never planned anything like this, and neither did WOTC when they made this adventure.

After another 15 generic charisma check, and he has the guard open the draw bridge and let me cross. The guard asks me “Why exactly are you here?” In and out of character, I don’t think I can succeed at these games of deceit much longer, and I figure I’ve got a better chance for the other thought in my head. Seeing as I’m now Chaotic Neutral instead of Chaotic Good, I decide to leave it to a 50:50 chance roll. It came up as the second option. I put my hand on the cultist’s shoulder and say, calmly say “I’m hear to help you fly” before trying to throw her off the bridge. Figures that the die would be on my side when I’m not acting on my strongest point. I rolled horribly and failed to throw her at all. She drew her sword and two other cultists are coming from within the Spire.

That’s were we had left off, because the DM is not sure if his sub from the first session I played handled the alignment shit well, and I think he’s going to give me a chance to do that shit over should he verify with other DMs that I should have stayed CG. I’m honestly expecting to die because the other two are basically like “We’re going to just let what happens happen at this point.”