i regret watching this show but hey netflix

This guy seemed pretty cute from his profile pic and he had a really cool car. We were texting for maybe 2 weeks before our schedules freed up enough for us to hang out. We had set up an actual dinner date, but he invited me over for beer and Netflix the night before. I figured hey why not since that would totally lead to boning and it had been a while for me. So he picks me up in his car and immediately I notice that his profile pic had done him way too many favors. Immediately regretted this decision after he pulled out of my driveway. But we go on to his house and his roommate is gone and he had bought me my favorite beer (I was only 20 at the time so that was really cool). We decide to watch some show on his couch and I’m halfway through my first beer and I’m starting to feel a bit loose. At this point I’ve decided to just drink as much beer as I can to get laid because it had truly been a long time. I get through three beers (I’m such a lightweight) and I’m completely plastered and he starts making a move on me so I don’t object. He had a tiny weener which was even more insult to injury, and I could barely feel it inside me. I’m on the pill so I told him he didn’t have to use a condom and he kept asking me if I was sure. I was like HELL YES IM SURE I DONT WANT A BABY. I think it was his first time having sex without a condom because he ended up cumming twice and then took me home. The next day he actually told me he didn’t think it was a good idea to see each other anymore so I let him think he was the heartbreaker.
A month later he texts me to tell me he’s worried as shit that I’m pregnant and asks if I had my period yet. I hollered with laughter when I got that. I wanted to mess with him, but that’d be really mean, so I simply told him “No babies here”.

TL;DR I was desperate and had mediocre drunk sex with an unattractive guy with a tiny weener, and then he asked me if he knocked me up a month later.