i regret telling anyone about my problems

I got trust issues problem with people.

Sometimes you trust someone and tell them what comes to mind. But then you realize how stupid you are when you told them this thing and trusted them.

A long time ago, I’ve been betrayed by my friend. I will talk to her about my problem or if I have something on my mind. I say keep it as a secret, but then everyone knows. Since that, I’m not trust anyone even my family. If I’m having trouble, I keep it secretly. And it become to be my habit.

Recently, I’ve family issues. Well, I don’t know who to be trust. So i did tell my cousin how we really feel bout this. But then, when they come to my house, they ask me, “Is it true blablabla…” Nah.. I feel so regret, so i tell myself, what ever happen– keep silently. Don’t show any feeling, or it will hurt you back. Even your cousins.

Surely, I’ve a lot of friends, but none knows my stories. None of them. I don’t want to share something private, or my true colors because I don’t want people see my weakness. I’ve to be strong for my own good. Yet, I do tell them– but it still have to be secret or people who I can be trusted.

Hey, you’re so lucky if you’re one of them that I trust tho. But most of them, have taken their own life. Whenever you right now, may Allah bless you and hope you’re doing well. Thank you for being there when I need you.

—  I know I shouldn’t keep this as my personality or my habits, but soon or later– I’ll fix it. Yeah, surely. Hm