@resistancepilots and I have no self control and could not stop thinking about Accidental Pirate Obi Wan Kenobi and how he got his start. This isn’t really fic, it’s more like… aggressive headcanoning. Cheers to @albaparthenicevelut @forcearama @fireflyfish @jerseytigermoth @writegowrite @lurkingcrow
Obi Wan and Rex travel to Tatooine, with Obi Wan feeling like he left his heart in pieces on Mustafar and Naboo where Padme’s funeral is currently happening. Singing to infant Luke with Rex watching his back (he doesn’t need the help, but he’s Tired and the Force feels painfully empty now).
They arrive on Tatooine only for their transport to be seized by the Hutts, who don’t hold back anymore now that the Republic is dead and their old trade agreements are moot. So the Hutts seize this transport and take all the sentients on board as slaves, and Rex is like um sir,,, we need to do something.
Obi Wan is in a state of “I fucking give up” and so he doesn’t want to do anything. They all just shuffle into whatever dank cells the Hutts have set up, cold, sad, and dejected.
And then Luke starts screaming. He’s an infant, after all, and no Skywalker has ever been silent in expressing their displeasure. And this infant Luke is driving Obi Wan up the wall and Obi is like good GOD this Skywalker already hates slavery and if we don’t get out of here I’ll kill the kid myself.
Obi doesn’t… kill the Hutts but he defeats them all and you know it’s even more suave and Cool than when Luke does it twenty years later. He just takes over and sends the Hutts to become regular citizens. He maybe chops a couple limbs/tails off, but he’s got a wailing baby on one arm, a long line of tragedies in his heart, and not a whole lot of patience left. By the time he and Rex free all the sentients and get out, the palace is on fire and he doesn’t look back as he cradles baby Luke under his cloak (now a bit tattered at the hem) and takes him to Owen and Beru.
He liberates all of Tatooine from slavery but he’s smart so he just uses the Hutt money to free all the slaves instead of freeing them by force. At some point he realizes he’s Ruling Tatooine now so he makes slavery illegal. The previously rich slave owners are now significantly less rich and there’s a lot more gainful employment on the planet.
Anyway so now Obi Wan rules Tatooine and has given tiny Luke to Owen and Beru, but he’s bored in the palace alone (he’s not been without companionship like…ever) and Rex can only do so much. Rex is grieving and getting old too and deserves a life of his own. He helps Obi rule Tatooine tho bc Rex’s face gets him in trouble, you know, since he’s got the clone face, so he can’t exactly be anonymous anymore.
Obi hangs out with Luke all the time and Luke LOVES him and pulls his floofy hair and beard constantly, and by the time he’s three, he follows Obi Wan everywhere. Rex knows to wait up for Luke because the kid will inevitably escape his aunt and uncle and find Obi Wan, even with express instructions to stay put. Even when Obi Wan is nowhere near the old Hutt palace (now Obi Wan’s base of operations) Luke just always unerringly finds him. It must be the Force Rex thinks, setting aside some blue milk for the little one.