i really need to start signing shit

Your best bet for creating an exploitable rift between you and Johnny Dickhole is to start finding ways to get busy. And by that, I mean lie like a cheap rug. Or, shit, tell the truth. I personally find that exhausting. I can’t really be going out that much or having appointments and such. But whatever works for you. They want to hang out this weekend? No dice, your brother just got out of jail and needs some talking to about how to properly de-crime his life. They need you to come over and watch the kids on Thursday? Shit, you just signed up for a cheese-making workshop on Thursday nights. You’d love to help, but it’s ricotta week.

The longer you go without having real, personal contact, the less of a person you become and more of an idea. The idea of you is way easier to forget than the reality. Soon you’ll be a hazy memory. “Didn’t I know a guy once who I used to exploit and take advantage of because I’m a dirtbag? Hmm.” But by then they’ll probably have moved on to using someone else and you’ll have more freedom to take more cheese-making courses. Mozzarella is life, folks.

4 Steps For Dealing With Terrible Friends

in-a-trans-like-state  asked:

does mace go to kamino and get the kaminoans to stop basically breeding slaves? And then go back to the council and say we should really look into whoever ordered this army seeing how its peace time. Is someone planning to start a war maybe??? oh and the force is telling me to be really suspicious of old palpy so we should totally start the investigation with him…

Mace is both like “errrrgh I am pretty sure we might still NEED THAT ARMY” and also like “oh forcedammit this is literally slavery and if I sign off on this Anakin Skywalker is going to hear ONE MORE TIME that he exists in a galaxy where it is normal for people to be Property” and ALSO probably like “SO HEY FELLOW JEDI LOOK AT THIS INTERESTING PLANET OBI-WAN DIDN’T FIND, CHECK THIS SHIT OUT”. He is large, he contains multitudes. Anakin NO do not adopt the clones. ANAKIN I SAID NO CLONE-BROTHERS. ANAKIN

And then Mace Windu does NOT have a couple million already-produced clone-sons, but the Jedi kinda do, which is proving to be uncomfortably close to the same thing. 

Chapter 4: Not everyone gets what they want

Chris:

Shit was popping off on the corners. Niggas was getting caught being reckless and some Gangs was losing money. I needed to ensure that I stayed on top and that my money came consistently.

I pulled up to the tattoo parlor to meet up with Paul Beckon. He was the Chiefs of police in L.A. The reason I chose him was because police was heavy in L.A, and I needed to form a straight alliance. I just needed to make a deal with him. Just one deal. I knew this nigga could run the plan throughout Cali, he had mad connections. I just needed to be in his circle.

Keep reading

roasting

Aries: hate to break it to you, but sometimes the universe doesn’t revolve around you
Taurus: shut the fuck up for like once and quietly reflect
Gemini: you’re very passive aggressive and it’s kinda really childish
Cancer: i know you’re afraid of being naive but like STOP ACTING LIKE YOU KNOW BETTER THAN EVERYONE
Leo: you love things really deeply but you need to stop shoving those things down everyones throats
Virgo: melodramatic much? one bad thing happened okay your life isn’t falling apart
Libra: you start shit and then complain about the shit?? You FUCKING STARTED IT
Scorpio: if something is good you highkey like making it bad and then get sad about it
Sagittarius: okay yes you’re really strong but not every fight needs to be aggressively fought
Capricorn: you exaggerate basically everything to a point where it’s kinda made up, stop lying
Aquarius: you’re really fucking sensitive just admit it
Pisces: have you ever thought that maybe something is your fault?

How to attract the signs/ How to know if they like you

Aries: As far as I know, they usually only pay attention when you stand out. Me being a water sign with dominant being air, I tend to fall for those confident extrovert types. These guys say that they hate clingyness but they’ll cling onto you for sure. They don’t want you to know that they need you but in reality, they really do. So before you start thinking they never loved you in the first place, think about it. Talk to them about it, be blunt, they don’t play games./ To attract them, again, they like you to stand out in order for them to see you. You don’t have to be an extrovert or anything, just make sure they remember your name and you’ll be one step closer to getting them wrapped around your finger. These guys don’t play games so if you like them, tell them. Don’t stalk them and/or ask your friends to confess for you, they’ll lose total interest. Just be you when you meet them and let it go from there.

Taurus: Most of the time, these people like a female/male who stays in touch with their gender. For example if you’re a female they’d appriciate cute little dresses. If you’re not the dress type think of it this way. In public situations dress how you wanna. But to make them feel special make an exeption for them and wear some dresses or male wear (you know what I mean). Not trying to be that guy but most taurus like to be taken out to dinner/like taking you out to dinner, so you should expect that most of the time. Most taurus like fancy, beautiful things, to make them feel important and maybe wealthy. Most taurus I’ve met like plants. They can be pretty tempermental but they mean well and care a lot even if they may seem like control freaks at times. I know this from expirience since my mom is a taurus soooo./ Taurus can make you feel as if they’re pretty detached but that’s not it. It’s true that most taurus like their space and value the comfort of home and like money. Taurus loves to make their lovers feel special. Making them feel like Price/Princesses. If you like the mature, you can usally find that in a Taurus. If you want stability and love with a bit of possesivness and romance, you’re most likely looking for a Taurus. 

Gemini: Most of these look for carefree funny people. I mean, the sign that falls for me the most are Gemini even though I still have no clue as to why. This sign isn’t your average, anywhere near mature sign. If you’re a person that needs some light and fluffy fun, then a Gemini is probably for you. They’ll make you feel as if all you’re worries have flown away into oblivion and are never coming back. They’re that lover that when you come back from a tough day, they’ll have a good joke and you’re favorite movie waiting for you. Most people say that gemini is a very extroverted sign and they usually love the rebellious party life but the kinds of gemini i’ve been involved with in any way may have quite a share of friends but they still manage to be a bit quiet and they tend to keep to themselves and not show much of themselves either. Most i’ve met have been pretty shy and stuff. That may be other planetary infuences but it’s most that I know so who knows./ When a gemini likes you they’ll flirt. Most gemini like to get all touchy touchy and come up with excuses to talk to you. They tend to ask and care about you a lot more than their other friends. It might even come to they point where they actually ask you if you’d ever want to date them or anything. This sign will lighten your life. If you have a tough life and are looking for an escape, a gemini is the way to go!

Cancer: The way I see it, this sign won’t be hard to take notice. They’ll also try to make up excuses to talk to you and they may get all touchy touchy. This sign is a romantic sign and is usually really kind to the people they like. You’ll probably be able to tell when they like you since they usually can’t hide their feelings that well. They usually fall for people they know and can be pretty shy and detached at times. But they will make space for you in order to feel special, like you’re royalty./ A cancer will make you feel needed. They’ll make you feel loved and wanted. Whenever you wanna blow off steam of whatever, they’ll be there for you to listen to you the whole way. This sign cares like no other. And it’s true that they’re pretty emotional and moody but they love a lot and they want to give you everything. I say it’s worth it. If you can show them and hug them when they rant and blow off steam, blame you even. If you can still manage to smile and love their moody ass self, They’ll love you for eternity.

Leo: This make be quite obvious but leos need you to take notice of their pride meter. Most leos like to be the center of attention. This sign loves people and will do they’re best to be loved by every kind of person. This sign is a popular hoe. You probably know they’re name even if they don’t know yours. Try to stay on their good side because the’ll be there when you need them, friend, or not. Most leos at first may look like egoistic bitches that only care about their hair. But surprisingly, they’re pretty sensive and love very hard./ When they like you you’ll know. The’ll flirt a lot and look even more confident around you. They’re known to be one of the flirties but if you pay close attention and notice them staring at you while they’re hugging a girl/boy you don’t know, Chances are they like you much more than the hoe they’re hugging. This sign will make you feel powerful. They’ll make you feel loved, and if you’re dream has always been to be in the spotlight but have always been afriad to, a leo is your match because they’ll drag you right into it and will make sure you get the attention you deserve.

Virgo: These guys at first may leave you with a bitter taste in your mouth, or is that just me? These guys personally always seem like the fanciest bitches around. They may have a natural bitch face which at first might scare you away but know that it’s not the case. These guys will talk to you a lot and will usually may be more prideful around you. They want to look like that one spiderman movie when peter parker fights that guy and impresses mary jane with his moves. They want to look as cool as possible around you but may actually look like a shy mess./ If you wanna attract them, you want to be a calm and discrete person most of the time. Discuss the shit you like with them and see what they think. Learn to discuss topics of interests with them too. Don’t be an immature dumbass. Don’t feel too butthurt when they “judge” you, as they may sound like an asshole at times. They do mean well and only point things out because they care. If you want orginization and stability in your life, a virgo is the one for you.

Libra: To attract this sign, again you have to make yourself known. They usually again may end up being a pretty well known popular person so you can’t expect them to know who you are. Ask questions about them. Dress your best and smile a lot a them, give them the hinty hints. Be willing to compromise. They are known to not make the fastest choices and may leave you hanging when it comes to choices so you have to be patient with them. Unlike aries, you can’t really be blunt, the most you’re going to get out of that is being ignored because they have no absolute clue as to what to say to you seing as how fucking blunt you where. So beware aries, you’re going to have to let them know you in order for them to like you./ This sign will be flirty at times, in my expirience they may let you boss them around depending on how much they like you. If they like you quite a bit they will do stuff for you. They can be shy but try to be your best friend. Most of the time this sign might abandon their regular groups of friends in order ot be around you. So if you notice them haning out with you more than usual, they may have some interest in you.

Scorpio: These people don’t fall for just anybody. To attract this sign you have to be a bit of a tease. Challenge their views on things, they like a bit of a challenge. Be honest, if you’ve been in the zodiac life long enough you may have heard the legend of scorpios and how they can smell bullshit from a mile away. They know stuff you may not even know. So don’t lie, or you’re fucked. Listen to them when they talk. Something that a scorio tends to hate is an ass looking everywhere else than at them when they speak, doesn’t everyone hate that? The best way to get a scorpio to hate you is to not pay attention so do yourself a favor and don’t waste their time. This sign will make you feel so wanted you may want to feel less wanted with them around. They love hard and are known for being possesive, they’re a more romantic and sensitve aries that will do their best to make you feel really loved, so don’t take advantage of them or you’re fucked 100% son.

Sagittarius: To attract this sign you have to try and be laid back. Like gemini this sign isn’t known for being serious so be too serious and the’ll lose all interest in you. Try to make them laugh and try to even laugh at your self. Some people may be weirded out and even pity your stupid mistakes and stupidity in general but sagittarius is one of the only signs that will laugh and join you in the horribly embarassing moment. Try to share personal stories and interesrting facts. Sagittarius is the sign of curiosity, that cat that died because curiosity killed it? Yea, it was a Sag, so if you have some little trivia that you think they might not know, share it, who knows, they may instantly fall for you./ This sign will try to strike up as much conversation as they can. They love hanging around you and will try to make you laugh. They’ll want to take you on their adventures and introduce you to their friends. This sign isn’t known to be the most commited to relationships, but that doesn’t mean they’re sluts who never chill out with one person. Sure they have their commitment fears but they try to love you as much as they can.

Capricorn: To attract these hoes you gattah be responsible and honor your comitments.You can’t say you love them and then give up the next day and start liking someone else. If you can, wait for them. These people need to be sure in order to like you so be patient and pay close attention to them, don’t give them pressure. Try to be self assured and relastic. Capricorns admire your childhood dreams to be a mermaid and all that shit but lets be honest, that won’t happen. So try to be realistic. This sign will make you feel appriciated. They may seem a bit detached but if you give them a chance and try to understand them. You won’t be sorry.

Aquarius: Attracting these people isn’t the easiest task. You have to share your opinions. They love to share theirs so if you share yours and get them to notice, you may earn some good points. Try to be active and laid back. Being too srious is a bore for them so try to be laid back and make a joke once in a while. Be curious, question everything. This sign is known to be a sign with many weird ass questions, so if you have an answer to one, they may just beg for marriage(this is a joke, not true lol). This sign loves the weird ones and will make you feel like you’ve got a best friend, better than your actually best friend. They aren’t known to be the most romantic but they come up with other ways to love you. So don’t lose hope./ When this sign likes you they’ll share your interests and drag you into their world. They will make you laugh and try to be your best friend. They have to know you in order to fall for you.

Pisces: Always be there for this sign. They’ll most likely always be there for you, so turn in the favor and do the same. Compliment them in subtle ways. Give them hinty hints of your interest in them and they’ll most likely take notice. Talk about unusual things. This sign enjoys the weird ones. If you take notice of odd things most people wouldn’t notice, point it out to them, they probably noticed it too./ This sign will look like a mess around you. They’ll be shy, smile a lot, try to start up conversations with you and talk to you about their imagination and wierd shit they think about. This sign will make you feel very loved. They’ll do their absolute best in order for you to feel loved. They love like any other, you are most likely the center of their air head world. This sign is romantic so take them out to picnics sometimes too.

This Also works with Moon & Venus signs :3

The Signs on a Road Trip

Aries: picking a fight with another passenger; possibly whining about not getting to drive

Taurus: asking for a rest stop every ten minutes; eating from the bag of chips they brought

Gemini: “are we there yet? What about now? How about now? Are we there yet? When are we gonna get there?”

Cancer: trying to break up the fight that Aries started; telling the driver to slow down when they really don’t need to

Leo: peering at themself in the rearview mirror; singing along loudly to whatever pop song is on the radio

Virgo: keeping to themself; possibly reading a book and only occasionally participating in conversion

Libra: watching the road and possibly backseat driving; might be the one driving the car

Scorpio: staring out the window with earphones in; inserting themself into the conversation at random and surprising moments

Sagittarius: reading off every road sign and chattering about whatever the sign says, however unrelated it may be

Capricorn: arguing with Aries while also trying to focus on reading the map and figuring out where they are this second

Aquarius: could be derailing Sagittarius’ rambling even further; also could be cheering “fight, fight” at Aries and Capricorn

Pisces: ignoring everyone around them and staring melancholically out the window pretending they’re in a music video

The signs based on people I know
  • *REMEMBER. This is not 100% accurate. And if I don't know you I'll base you off a famous person. No offense needed to be taken*
  • Aries: Lies a lot actually. Starts to believe their own lies. But also a caring person
  • Taurus: (John Cena) A rightful person. Majestic. Can't see them usually.
  • Gemini: (Josh Dun) Beautiful person. Amazing friend. Insecure. // ALSO (Donald Trump) piece of SHIT. Disgusting liars.
  • Cancer: needs other people approval to make decisions. Usually is subject to peer pressure. Either really annoying or really funny (or both)
  • Leo: hates conflict. Not very confident in themselves. Weird sense of humor that only few can understand.
  • Virgo: been through a lot. Incredibly sweet and kind.
  • Libra: definitely not straight. Super opinionated and will fight you even if they can't.
  • Scorpio: sly motherfuckers. Also extremely loyal. And horny.
  • Sagittarius: man. There are so many different Sags. Most are highly loyal to their small friend group. They will cut a bitch bc the only person allowed to talk shit about their best friend is them. Thinks their hecka hardcore but are scared of bugs
  • Capricorn: either huge dicks or loving people.
  • Aquarius: Will never betray their best friends. Only has like 2 or 3 though. They consider their best friends their family.
  • Pisces: really successful people. Strong minded
My Thought Process Upon Seeing the 5B Poster...

1. Oh, that’s really cool! I wonder which talented fan made that?

2. Hm, no watermark, but there’s a little “X” source link. I’ve got to find out who made this because there’s no way this is official artwork. That would be too good to be true, Emma getting the 5A artwork and Killian the 5B… 

3. Ah, here’s an article; this must just be the article that inspired that poster, which is nice–but really, who made it?

4. Wow, it’s official! For real? Yes, it’s right there. That’s the official 5B promo. Holy shit, how cool is that?! I still need to not get my hopes up as far as the actual content of next season, but this is probably a good sign!

5. *Literally start cackling; others in the room look concerned by my seemingly inexplicable laughter* Oooh, the Hook haters are going to be SO pissed off and I know it’s not right but I love it!