What? No hugs and tears for an old friend? Not like i’d expect it though. If you’d shouted “Fang!” and hugged me i mighta had a heart attack on the spot. But i’m glad to see you’re still the same.It’s been a long time,after all…
Harry Potter and His Complete Lack of Shower Etiquette.
Harry tossed his uniform over the back of the sofa as he flicked open the top few buttons of his shirt and entered the kitchen to get himself a long drink of water. He was hungry; Draco had already ordered Chinese. The take-out containers sat on the table, neatly arranged in the centre under a Stasis, with two plates, forks and the paper-wrapped chopsticks laid out ready.
But it was a sudden craving for something cold and sweet that hit him and after pointlessly digging around in the freezer for a few seconds, he gave up and went looking for his boyfriend. He could hear the shower running now, as he walked further into the flat and the muffled humming that seemed strangely magnified as it echoed off the wet tiles.
The bathroom door was ajar and Harry elbowed his way in. Draco was a long, blurred form in the tub behind the curtain, his hands in his hair as he lathered. He hummed the chorus of the song for a fifth time - he was pants at memorising the rest of the lyrics.
Snorting softly, Harry curled his fingers around a fistful of the damp curtain and pushed it aside with a careless, “Hey, are we out of–”
But his question was drowned out at Draco’s vague humming morphed into a severely high-pitched shriek as he turned around to face Harry, both hands flying down between his legs to cover his bits. Sweet smelling suds of shampoo ran down the sides of his face and his hair was sticking up in wet bunches. The shower was still running, pouring onto his shoulder and back, the steam rising around him like a cloud. His eyes were huge and round with shock and his mouth was open in a scream that went on and on.
He was frankly completely adorable.
“Stop screaming.” Harry rolled his eyes. “For fuck’s sake, Draco, it’s just me. Are we out of ice cream? I saw a tub in there last week–”
“GET OUT!” Draco shrieked, lifting one hand to violently point a soapy finger towards the door, spattering Harry with streaks of apple scented water. “YOU ILL-MANNERED WRETCH! GET OUT!”
“Oh my god, I fucked you in here only this morning!” Harry reminded him incredulously. “I’ve seen you naked literally every single fucking day for over three yea–”
“HARRY, I WILL STAB YOU IN THE FUCKING EYE!” Draco bellowed, eyes bulging manically, hands curled into fists. “I HATE YOU! GET OUT! GET OUT!–”
“Fine!” Harry was already backing away. “Jesus Christ,” he muttered under his breath as he exited the bathroom, shutting the door firmly behind himself so that the continued screams of have you no sense of propriety whatsoever and how is it that I’ve ended up with a shamelessly indecent, completely uncouth piece of shit like you faded away to muffled screaming coupled with the steady gush of the shower.
I’ve seen a lot of different posts about Wonder Woman and representation.
And the thing that a lot of them don’t seem to talk about is just what a huge fucking deal this is for Jewish women.
Gal Gadot, a Jewish woman, is playing Wonder Woman and it is massive deal for Jewish women.
My Jewish ass is just like on cloud nine right now.
It is so exciting to have this cool badass Jewish lady who is openly Jewish and proud of it.
Like there is very very little for Jewish women in terms of representation so this is a pretty big deal for us.
And before anyone writes some ignorant ass shit about “oh it’s a religion why do you need representation blah blah blah i know nothing.”
Judaism is an ethno-religion meaning that some Jewish is an ethnicity as well as meaning someone who practices Judaism.
This means you can have people who are ethnically Jewish but not religiously Jewish, people who are not ethnically Jewish but converted so are religiously Jewish, and people who are both ethnically Jewish and religiously Jewish.
So like I said huge fucking deal for us with Gal Gadot and like really massive deal.
It was now Friday, the first day of rehearsal. You’d gotten there a little early, deciding to stretch and mentally prepare yourself, this would be your focus for the next few months. You’d gotten a text from Yoongi this morning, wishing you luck, so you felt pretty good about today.
To their fans thinking their hips thrusts got better ever since they stared dating Y/N
“I didn’t want to hide this from ARMY anymore, this here is the beautiful light of my life. I love Y/N with all my heart, and it would mean so much to me if you could accept us” Namjoon finishes a little hopeful, yet scared about how his fans were going to react.
“IS THIS WHY YOUR HIP THRUSTS ARE SO MUCH BETTER?” someone shouts out from the crowd. You cover your blushing face while Namjoon stumbles over words trying to come up with an appropriate response.
“I- Uh.. It’s not- Well..”
“Um.. Hyung?” the boys ask slowly gathering around Seokjin who was sitting on the couch going over his newest lyrics. “Yes?” he says looking up in confusion to all the company. “So there have been a few whispers going around the fans… you know how your dancing has improved?” Namjoon begins. “Yeah I’ve been practicing!” Seokjin says brightly, happy that someone had acknowledged his dancing and hard work. “Yeah I’m sure you have” Yoongi mutters under his breath, causing Taehyung and Jungkook to start laughing. “Yoongi…” Namjoon warns. “ARMY THINKS YOUR HIP THRUSTS GOT BETTER BECAUSE YOU STARTED DATING Y/N!” Hoseok yells unable to take the suspense anymore. Seokjin just stares at the boys unsure of how to react “Um well.. they’re not exactly wrong..?”.
Yoongi was just adding the finishing touches to the composition piece he had been working on for the last month when Jimin slammed open the door. “Yoongi-hyung you’re gonna have to be careful, the fans are starting to think that Y/N is the reason that your hip thrusts have been getting better these days” Jimin says taking a seat in Yoongi’s studio, ignorant of the dumbfounded stare he was receiving.
“What, did you expect me to just hip thrust in front of a mirror for hours on end? Don’t be ridiculous!” Jimin can’t believe the words he’s hearing “YES! That’s what the rest of us have to do!”
“Guys listen up! I saw the randomest thing floating around the social media that I was not on today!” Hoseok says throwing himself on the Namjoon’s bed. “They think that my, wait what was the wording ‘hip thrusts have gotten so much more violent and aggressive on stage since dating Y/N’!” Namjoon freezes hearing the words, trying to find a way to console Hoseok and to kill the rumours. “Did they really think I needed the practice, because if you ask me, my hip action had been on fire since day dot”
You couldn’t keep the shit eating grin off your face as you went to find your boyfriend “Jimin~” you sing song. “Babe guess what!” you say tackling him in his seat. “What?” he asks entertaining you in your amused state. “Your fans have come up with a theory… they think that I am the reason your hip thrusts have been so damn hot lately” you say coy smile adorning your features. “Well you know.. I do think my moves have been a little off recently.. how about we go and practice and test out this theory, why don’t we” Jimin says licking his lips, looking you up and down.
“Hyung what is it exactly that you’re insinuating?” Taehyung asked getting angrier by the second. “I’m not insinuating anything, I’m just letting you know what the fans have been saying” Seokjin says trying to calm Taehyung down. “Y/N is not that kind of person, so please reframe from thinking of them as so” Taehyung so walking out of the dorm.
“Baby you’ll never guess what I was told today” Taehyung say thrusting into you. “Really? You’re bringing this up now?!” You say frustrated at you’re boyfriend for half killing your mood. Taehyung leans down and whispers in your ear “People think that you are the reason that my hip thrusts are getting so good” enunciating each word with a hard, determined thrust.
“Aish what is with ARMYs, their minds are so dirty!” Jungkook says after hearing from Taehyung what their fans had been saying about his relationship with you and how it had been affecting his performance. “Even if that was the case- which it’s not, the fact that that is the first thing they go to..” Taehyung looks at the younger boy shocked at his reaction to the news “So you’re not flustered, you’re not owning it proudly, instead you’re worried about our fans’ train of thoughts…”. Jungkook turns his attention back to the man in front of him “Well when you put it that way… but I mean it might have helped.. but don’t tell anyone, okay?”
Alright, kids. It’s that time of the year again (?
So I just reached 2k followers, and it happened astronomically faster than I expected. So instead of doing a giveaway for that, I’m gonna do it for the 3k milestone :D
BUT THIS TIME, THINGS WILL BE A BIT DIFFERENT.
As in the previous occasion the prizes are:
A Glade Born Tree tarot spread (19 cards, no questions, this is a spread where the Tarot conveys whatever it feels it needs to say)
A Daemon reveal session (I prefer using the term daemon over totem or spirit animal since it’s not directly associated to any specific minority or culture). This will have to be done via private chat, Skype, or a similar medium and can take a long while, even several days and different conversations.
Up to five questions (to be discussed with me beforehand so we can formulate them the best way possible) to be answered by an Oracle deck of my choice (I’ll pick the best depending on the questions you want to ask). Each question will be answered with a spread of one up to five cards.
Five sigils created specifically for you. I can help you word the request but it’s not necessary, you can simply give me the final consonants and I’ll draw them for you, no questions asked. I will later on publish the sigils if I feel they should be shared because others could benefit from them, but I won’t disclose those with private meanings nor your association with them if you don’t wish me to. Also you don’t have to ask for all five sigils at the same time, although I don’t recommend you wait years in case, I don’t know, I die?
One spell or hex designed specifically for you according to the ingredients you have access to (I refuse to create spells that will harm someone undeserving of being harmed, mess with somebody’s free will, threaten somebody’s sexual consenting abilities, or disproportionate if they’re meant for punishing).
Help and tips in building your altar and/or witchy supply storage (especially recommended if you’re a closet witch). We can skype and I’ll give you ideas of where you can hide stuff. I’m incredibly shady so I know where you tuck things so nobody will notice. This is more of a practical prize, but shit, I’ve been seeing a lot of witchlings who could use a hand!
HOWEVER, TWO MORE, VERY INTERESTING PRIZES WILL BE ADDED TO THIS LIST:
7. A flash course on alternative spirit work. Specifically how to tame, bind, banish, and exorcise spirits. This will come along with a small handbook for you to have as a resource for future reference.
8. A tarot reading by Yeyé. I really have no idea of how many cards, she usually needs about three, but it varies. This one will take a while because you would have to give me your questions and when I saw her I would let her know so she can do the spread for you. She requires a few things, so don’t choose this prize if you’re not comfortable with sharing: age, name (just first name), date of birth, place of birth, and time of birth.
All of these prizes can be adapted to your needs.
1) NO TAGGING THIS AS GIVEAWAY, you’ll ruin it for everyone, don’t be that guy.
2) I RESERVE MYSELF THE RIGHT OF REFUSING REQUESTS THAT GO AGAINST MY MORALS, meaning helping you in racist, homotransphobic, islamophobic, etc. ways. YEYÉ CAN ALSO REFUSE TO ANSWER QUESTIONS SHE DOESN’T FEEL COMFORTABLE ANSWERING.
3) Each reblog counts as an entry. Likes can be used to bookmark. Maximum three reblogs per day. YOU MUST BE FOLLOWING ME.
As soon as I reach 3k followers, I’ll be picking the winner randomly using the page RANDOM.ORG. I’ll record it and search for the winner during the video to show the contest’s transparency.
I’ll get in contact with the winner via PM or ask. If these options are disabled, I’ll try to do it via tag. In any case, the winner will have FIVE DAYS (120 hours since the moment I announce it) to reach me back, else I’ll pick a different one.
Have this photo of my Yeyé with a big ass leaf, just because she’s cute.
This giveaway is in no way associated with Tumblr.
prompt: “I really hope my future soul mate is doing great right now, because someday I’m gonna’ need someone to help me emotionally get through that shit you just pulled.”
“You’re practically my least favourite person. What makes you think I’d help you?”
“Well…” Loki answers nonchalantly, waving his hand in a dismissive gesture as he speaks, “…first of all you’re stuck here with me, if you don’t help we both stay. Second, you’re one of the good ones. It’s in your nature to help. Isn’t this why you ended up here with me of all people in the first place?”
All of these are mine, free for grabs. I just want to know if you write them because I want to read them. Some are darker, some are crack material. Enjoy!
You’re holding me in a chokehold and there’s a gun pressed against my temple, I shouldn’t feel the way I’m feeling about it, but I can’t help it, fuck.
I came to make a deal with some shady gang and there you are, tied up and bruised, great, now I have to make the deal about you so that I can get you out of there.
You turned me in to the police and I’m going to jail, but you keep saying it was for my own good, are you fucking serious? Also why can’t I hate you?
My boss ordered me to drive you to the desert and kill you there, god damn it stop crying there, it’s so pathetic, no, I’m not letting you go, are you mad, oh god, stop, it’s starting to get on my nerves and… am I starting to feel sorry for you?
My boss ordered me to drive you to the desert and kill you there, but you have no idea and keep talking about our future, please stop, I can’t take it.
I’m a priest and you’re that one guy who comes to confess his crimes every week, son, could you go to the police already, I’ve had enough of hearing about murders, also, stop saying how much you love my voice, okay, it makes me really uncomfortable.
We’re holding you captive and I’m supposed to feed you, I swear if you try to bite me again, I’ll punch you in the face.
We’re holding you captive and I take care of you, I had to leave, now I’ve come back and you’re not in the state I left you in, what the hell have they done to you?
I’m a hooker and you are a cop, you gave me your number like a year ago during some investigation in this area and sorry, I know it’s 2 am but I’m in real trouble and could you please come and save me?
I’ve kidnapped you and I’m trying to film a very menacing video of me asking for ransom but you keep giggling and apparently I’ll have to gag you, you stupid idiot.
My partners in crime finally decided to kill you, but after the weeks of holding you captive I grew kinda fond of you. I was trying to keep cool, but when they held the gun to your head, you looked at me and whispered you weren’t afraid, and I lost my shit.
I’m a cop, we found you in the dark alley during my patrol and I thought you were dead, but then you grabbed my hand, what the fuck, you scared the hell out of me.
We’re held hostage together and you keep coming up with crazy plans to escape, just shut up, you’re delusional and it annoys me.
Hi, I’m your cellmate, welcome to hell. Oh… damn, shouldn’t you be like in juvenile, you’re a fucking baby, are you alright, do you want me to hold you?
I’m on the run, jumped into your car, aimed a gun at you and yelled at you to drive but oh my god, you’re like the worst driver in the world, I’m fucked.
I’m at Starbucks ordering coffee late at night, you’re the barista and why the hell are you staring at me like that, oh shit, I didn’t notice I had blood on my clothes.
I accidentally witnessed your kidnapping, now I’m no hero but hold on tight, I’m still coming to the rescue.
We’re holding you captive but you got really sick, hell we need you alive, you can’t die on us, what’s wrong with you, is it pneumonia or what, what am I supposed to do, will some Advil do or do I need to rob a pharmacy now?
I’m a cop, you’re resisting arrest and now I’m practically sitting on you trying to handcuff you and… are you actually laughing?
Listen, I’d be okay with you breaking in my apartment and stealing my things, but you managed to kill my hamster in the process, now I’m coming for you, you bastard, do you hear me?
I spent half of today on various “10 crazy medical tools used in the past” and “Be glad you weren’t alive when these horrible tools were used” sites because I was checking out Iosefka’s clinic and her equipment there. Unfortunately I have zero expertise with medicine and so I couldn’t find out anything worthwhile (on the plus side I know stuff about distusting random medical practices now).
But I really wanted to make an educated lore post about the clinic. So here is some dumb stuff I found.
There really is a crazy amount of blood transfusion syringes in her clinic. Each “bed” has a bucket of these and there are multiple other ones just standing around. It explains why the dogs all have gone rabid, too, because Iosefka must have injected everyone and their dog with this.
She has a lot of bottles labelled “HCL”. Now, I could tell you exactly what this is if I hadn’t spent each chemistry lesson hiding behind my book hoping the teacher wouldn’t notice me. I think it’s hydrochloride which is used in injections
to make the substance water soluble. Or maybe it’s
which is apparently used in household cleaning. Who knows.
Iosefka has an array of books, most of them probably medical ones (and of course some copies of “How to pick up fair maidens”). But there is also what I can only assume to be the “Book of Funny Textures”. Probably a good read when you need a break from transfusing tons of blood.
Then there is this shit. Guys. I can’t tell you how long I’ve tried to identify those two weird looking instruments. Really, I sat there for hours. The right one looks like something used to gouge someones eye out. But that’s not really Iosefka’s job, right? Unless she was taking courses from the Hemwick sisters. If you have a masters in 18th century medical practices please speak up.
She also owns a huge amount of saws. What for, Iosefka? In case someone needs not only blood, but a foot? Does she use them to make her own shelves to fit more blood vials? No idea.
Also. Someone lost a shoe in her clinic and she never bothered to return it. She didn’t even pick it up. Who knows, maybe the foot is still inside. Maybe she took one of her many saws and just…took the whole foot off and left it there because no one needed it.
Last but not least. The dead person the beast was chewing on.
The shoelaces aren’t tied. It’s apparently a common problem in Yharnam and surrounding areas that no one knows how to tie shoelases as Micolash, everyone’s favourite eye enthusiast, also did not tie his shoes.
Request from @iamanoreo4: Hi! Don’t know if this has been requested before, but could you do an imagine where Reader is friends with the Golden Trio and she has feelings for Harry but after meeting Draco (who may or may not like her *shrug*) those feelings fade? And you can take it from there because you’re an amazing writer! Thanks in advance!
Thank you for requesting! This was so fun to write, I hope you enjoy :) I decided to add it so that Harry likes Reader but he’s really bad at showing those feelings so theres more drama because lets face it I’m a slut for a bit of angst ;) By the way, this turned out to be longer than expected and I wasn’t too sure whether or not to make it into a second part so it’s just a really long piece of writing.
You didn’t know when you started to like Harry, but you knew you liked him for sure. You’d dream about him; you pictured the simple future the two of you could have together and how perfect it would be, living a life of harmony at last with the Chosen One. “Tell him Y/N. I know Harry, he likes you back.” Hermione said one night in the common room. It was a Thursday night, it was just the two of you alone because the boys had gone to Quidditch practice and well, you didn’t really know where anyone else was. “He doesn’t Hermione. We’ve been friends for five years, he should’ve made a move by now.” You mumble, highlighting an extract from the stupid transfiguration book you had to read before Monday morning.
Hermione slammed her book shut, sighing as she leaned forward. You felt her staring at you and your lips turned up in a smirk as she waited for you to say something. “I’ll talk to him.” She says, knowing it’ll get a reaction out of you. “No you won’t!” You argued. You set your book down, leaning back. “Why does everything have to be so complicated?” Hermione chuckled. “Boys are boys - whether you like it or not, Harry’s a bit dim when it comes to girls. I doubt he even knows how to get a word in sideways about how to talk to you about this sort of thing.” You roll your eyes, the whole concept feeling really stupid. “Well he needs to learn because it’s really inconvenient.” You look down at your watch, cursing.
“Shit! I was meant to meet Draco Malfoy in the library five minutes ago! McGonagall’s going to kill me.” You practically yell as you grab your bag and head toward the portrait hole. Hermione wishes you a good luck before you leave. Professor McGonagall had (without your permission) signed you up to help Draco with certain topics concerning Transfiguration. The rest of your friends never got on with him but you’d never been a victim of his so-called name calling-general wrath thing he had going on. You bound your way down the staircases until you arrive at the library, panting as you make a mental note to work on your cardio. To your surprise, Draco seemed to be running late as well; he turned up at the same time, sweaty and flushed. “You’re running late as well?” You ask, pulling your hair behind your ear. “No, well yeah, I had Quidditch practice and Flint wouldn’t let me go.” He apologises with a smile, opening the door for you to walk in first. You thanked him as you waited for him to catch up.
“I hear they’re really coming down hard on Quidditch this year.” You say in attempt to make small talk. “Uh, yeah. It’s definitely becoming more of a workout.” Draco chuckles, sitting down at a table amidst the completely desolate library, exempt for Madam Pince. “I can tell, you’re all sweaty.” You laugh, pointing at his glistening forehead. Despite what you’d been told about the Malfoy boy, he seemed to be nice and fairly good looking. You couldn’t believe you’d never had a single conversation with him before, and you couldn’t help but stare at the way his green Quidditch undershirt hugged his muscles. “Marcus would never had let me go early if I didn’t look like I was about to pass out from exhaustion.” Draco laughed, pulling out his Transfiguration book from his rucksack. You bit your lip, suddenly feeling bad. “I’m sorry McGonagall made us do this tonight of all nights. You shouldn’t have missed Quidditch training for me.” You declare, watching as Draco’s lips formed a small smirk. A small butterfly swam around your stomach, but you ignored it. “I wanted to.” He smiled before the smallest blush flashed across his cheeks.