i really miss my grandma

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because it was my grandma’s favorite.  We girls would spend all of Wednesday there getting food ready for the next day.  My sister made desserts; I made the dressing (and usually pumpkin pie, which was ironic, because I don’t even like pumpkin pie).  The dressing recipe wasn’t complicated, but it was very slap-dash a-bit-of-this kind of thing.  I tried to get Grandma to write it down once, but it basically started with “some chicken and a few celery stalks” and went from there.

We would stay the night (when I got older, I was the one who got up super early to put the turkey in the oven) so that we’d be ready to get everything going the next morning.  There always seemed to be enough food to feed three times the number of people we actually had coming (although there was never too much cherries jubilee).

I still make the dressing every year, a way of still bonding with someone who isn’t here any more.  And while I’m making it, I always sing her Thanksgiving song.

Thanksgiving Day is here at last
And all the children shout!
“Hurray for the turkey, me oh my!
For cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie!
Thanksgiving is here at last!”

Started listening to the new Night Vale but I got to the part about your grandmother’s house and your relationship with your grandmother and her forgetful moments and trembling hands and so I stopped and I’ll finish it tomorrow and I’m mostly gonna cry and go to sleep now

I am jealous of old people couples

I know it’s strange but I am jealous of them. I am jealous of the way they watch each other with love and understanding. How they walk slow together, holding hands. How they sit across from each other at Denny’s restaurants and watch each other. How when you go over to their house, the walls are lined with pictures of their kids, and grand kids. How they measure their success by the lives they’ve changed. I am jealous of how easily they found each other, how confident and sure they are. How they have faith in the unseen when my own faith is shaken and broken. I am jealous of old people, because their bodies maybe frail but they have so much love.

I remember when my grandma died, and my grandpa came to pick me up from school. I felt like somehow I had failed him, and I got into his car and didn’t know what to say. I had prayed so hard for her to live but it wasn’t enough. All I could do was cry and hold his hand as he drove me back to his house. So sometimes when I see kids out to eat with thier grandparents, I feel bad for them. I would give anything to hold my grandma again, she taught me valuable lessons. I am jealous of the old people couples, because I don’t think they make love like that anymore.

I want to crochet like really bad, but every time I start getting into it. I think about my grandma teaching me and how easy it was when she explained it to me and now I can’t get it and I wish she was here to make it make sense.

now that I talk to my grandma on the phone and she says I miss you I actually feel it unlike with frienda who say it a lot but I know that a lot of them just say it to be polite, but when she said it it was with this tender voice that really got to me, and then she said now that the lights are off upstairs it feels so empty in here I just felt a crack inside of me 

and now I’m crying

so my mom is mad at me…… after her husband yelled at me to the point I started crying and shaking…… because I told her I’m worrying he drinks too much alcohol……. after seeing my father drunk for most of my childhood and knowing her husband’s parents were both drugs addicts….. that’s just…… makes so much sense really….. obviously her husband is the only person on earth who cannot, who is /unable/ to get addicted to alcohol…… her laughing about it and then yelling at me and then crying is totally normal as well……………. why do I have to live here……………………

anonymous asked:

3 random things (; 1. Who is your no.1 otp in EXO? 2. Do you have a nickname? 3. When is the first time u know abt EXO? (Which era?)

1. my no. 1 otp in exo is my ultimate otp ever….

2. yeeeeees! i actually have a lot haha, it goes from nic to gracey to something i really miss hearing from my late grandma, 小雅. it’s pronounced as ‘xiao-ya’ c:

3. sighs this question sends a whole load of regret into my heart. i learnt about exo in august, just last year. one week after they came here for tlp omfg sobs an ocean

comeherebeback asked:

Come back be here, mine

Thank you for asking!!!

Come Back Be Here: I really miss my grandma and grandpa and uncle..

Mine: the best thing that’s ever been mine…. My concert tickets 😂😂😂 also my mom is pretty awesome so I’m glad she’s mine! We always have The Best Day;)

anonymous asked:

2 & 17

My shoe size is 40 (European). Google tells me that should be 9.5 US and 7.5 UK.

At the moment, I really miss my grandma.