My Little Sky
Requested: By the lovely, lovely @winchesterandpie
Pairings: Cassian Andor x insecure!Reader
Summary: Y/N doesn’t love herself like Cassian thinks that she should, and he most certainly intends to do something about it.
Warnings: insecure reader
Word Count: 1,278
A/N: I really hope that I did this request justice. I always want people to feel fantastic about themselves, but I know that that isn’t always an option. So, I hope that something like this can help, even if it is only a little. <3
You had never seen someone look so confident in themselves. Cassian was in the middle of a meeting and the way that he carried himself made you love him even more.
The two of you had grown up together, both of your parents working for the rebellion. And you had had a crush on him since you had met. You had kept it a secret for years, until he finally told you that he felt the same way. Well, K2 may have accidentally mentioned something about it, but nevertheless, both of your secrets were out and you couldn’t have been happier.
Well, you might have been happier if he wasn’t always off on missions. Or if the other girls on base weren’t constantly flirting with him because they simply couldn’t believe that the two of you were together. Or if maybe he would actually realize that they were flirting with him and ask them to stop. It wasn’t his fault that they found him so attractive. You did. In fact, it wasn’t his fault that he didn’t realize what was going on. You just wished that he would find a way to reassure you, no matter how ridiculous that sounded.
You didn’t look like the other girls, and even though people weren’t constantly pointing it out, it was something that always stuck out in your mind. You would take one step towards loving yourself, and a badly timed comment or the sight of Cassian with one of them would send you flying three steps back.
You knew that you should just talk to him. Cassian would do anything for you, you knew because he told you exactly that all of the time. But there was some invisible force whispering in your ear, telling you that someone would find out, someone would notice something that you had been trying to hide from him for years. You aren’t good enough for him.
He was an amazing captain of the rebellion, you just worked in the kitchen. He was out saving lives and you were stuck in a kitchen trying to piece together a meal that tasted a little less like scrap metal and a little more like something that people would enjoy eating. Not out of necessity, but because it was too delicious not to. And the girls on base weren’t afraid to remind you of your lowly status, either.
The worst part was that no one would ever just come right out and say it to your face. The people on base dealt in cruel whispers and looks that cut you right to the heart. When Cassian was home, it was almost worse. You couldn’t curl up in your bed and let it all out. He dealt with enough stress in his life, always telling you that you were his oasis when he came home. You provided him with a safe place to stay, in a certain kind of way, when was back on base.
He didn’t get a break often from missions, but when he did you wanted it to be stress free for him, knowing that he would be leaving again soon enough.
Today had been worse than usual. A few girls had asked if cookies were really necessary. You had somehow managed to get ahold of extra sugar and some flower, and you were not passing up the opportunity to do something nice for the rest of the base. Several dozen batches of cookies later, you were cheerfully handing them out when a beautiful blonde girl insisted that she couldn’t possibly eat one if she wanted to fit in her flight suit.
Rationally, you knew that she hadn’t meant it to be hurtful, but it stung nonetheless. The food tasted like nothing to you for the rest of the day, and you thanked the universe that Cassian wasn’t home right now. After a hot shower and a good cry, you would definitely feel better.
You quickly cleaned off after a long day and pulled your favorite pillow into your chest, and let the tears flow. Even though a lot of people saw crying as a weakness, it gave you strength to purge the negativity from your system.
Apparently, you were crying so hard that you didn’t hear the door open and Cassian slip inside because you had thought that you were alone until a familiar pair of arms wound their way around your waist, pulling you close.
“What is wrong love?” he asked calmingly, peppering kisses on the side of your face closest to his.
“It’s nothing.” You said, quickly drying the tears from your face and willing yourself not to make any new ones. You had royally screwed up now.
“It’s something if it is causing you hurt.” He placed his hand under your chin, drawing your eyes up to meet his. “You know that you can tell me anything.”
“I can’t tell you this.” You whispered, knowing that it was the truth.
“And why is that.” He asked, a bit of laughter breaking through his serious demeanor. Cassian couldn’t comprehend why you would feel uncomfortable telling him anything, especially if it was something that he could help you with.
“I’m not good enough for you, Cassian. This whole base knows it, I know it…” you sniffled, wiping away a tear that refused to stop. “You know it, but you’re too sweet to do anything about it.”
“That’s nonsense.” You didn’t know what you were expecting him to say. Maybe inform you that you were right and asking you to leave. But you weren’t expecting him to offer you such kind words and to sound so hurt while he said them. “Why would you ever think something like that?”
“I- all of the girls… and I work in the kitchens and I’m just so big. Like I take up more room than I’m allowed in this universe.”
“Mi cielito,” he whispered, and the tenderness of those two words made your heart break. He was always calling you something affectionate, but this one broke your heart. ‘My little sky.’ He insisted that you were his whole world, and your favorite nick name did nothing but reinforce the sentiment. “I wish that you would have told me that you were hurting.” He was so calm, so gentle as he gathered you up in his arms, a calming hand stroking the length of your hair, just to remind you that he was there.
“You were too busy saving the galaxy.” You said, a halfhearted laugh following your sorry attempt at a joke.
“You are my whole world.” He said, his eyes betraying more emotions than you could possibly name. but above all, his eyes were full of love. “I would save you before the useless galaxy any day.” He insisted, nuzzling his face against your neck.
“I love you so much.” You whispered.
This one conversation wasn’t going to fix all of your problems. Your scars ran deep, and a few kisses wasn’t a cure all. But you knew that Cassian was going to be there for you. Because he loved you. And he was going to have a stern talking to with anyone that had something to say about the matter.
“I love you more,” he replied, before pulling you onto your bed and wrapping his arms around you. you couldn’t help but smile as he told you about his day and you told him about yours. Even after his data pad began pinging off the hook, he reassured you that it could most certainly wait until the morning.
“How can I be expected to save anyone else’s universe, if my own is in trouble right here?”