i really enjoy how his expression is exactly the same in all of these

Yuri!!! On Stage Event Report!

So today (4/29/2017) I went to the Yuri on Ice Yuri on Stage event. To clarify though, I was not at the actual Tokyo event, rather a live viewing at a local movie theater. Which of course does alter the experience but it’s the next best thing. At first I thought the theater was only doing the afternoon session, but very last minute I ended up being able to attend both!

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A cage of golden glass

Synopsis: There was you. An ordinary human girl, wrong place, wrong time. Then there was Loki. God of Mischief, war criminal. When Thor brings you to Asgard to ensure your safety, there is nobody else you come to hate more passionately than his evil foster brother. Then Odin finally decides on a new and much more effective kind of punishment for Loki, causing your whole world to fall apart. He would simply marry him off to a mortal, someone who is, by all means, “beneath” him. You.

Pairing: Loki x Reader
Rating: M
Chapter: 1/1 (Oneshot)
Words: 7217
Warnings: smut, forced marriage

Read it on AO3!

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It Ain’t Me: Part 6

Jungkook x reader ft. Yoongi

Request: Can you make a fake text about how bf hears a rumor about y/n and decides to break up without even knowing the true facts

*This series did not have a name until this part so don’t get confused!*

Genre: Angst 

Words: 1.4K 

Part 5 | Part 7


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{PART 1} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU

Originally posted by jengkook

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Vampire!AU, Fantasy, Angst, Smut

Summary; You drive to your boss‘s house with the intention of returning his wallet he left at the office. You feel uneasy, seeing his manor for the first time - Jungkook also feels uneasy, but for reasons that you could never begin to imagine.

A/N; This is the first instalment of a request I received that I decided to turn into a series that will contain smut. I’ll release a new chapter every Tuesday between 9pm-10pm (U.K Time), I hope you enjoy part 1 ^^

{Part 1} {Part 2}

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Better Latte than Never

it’s my birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE 21ST OF SEPTEMBER IS FINALLY HERE, and that means a fic!!! have a destiel coffee shop AU on me. <3

read it here on AO3!!

“What are you having?” Castiel asked with a smile, and Dean’s stomach flipped.

“Um. Regular latte,” he managed to say, and smiled.

“Regular latte,” Castiel repeated. “Coming right up.” He turned away, and began to prepare Dean’s drink, tanned hands picking up a plain white cup which he spun into position onto the coffee machine, glancing up to see whether Dean had noticed. Dean smiled, hoping it came across as ‘impressed’ and not ‘totally smitten’.

Shifting his weight from one foot to the other behind the cafe counter, Dean waited for his latte to be ready. He preferred espresso, if he was honest - but lattes took longer to drink, and just recently, Dean had found himself becoming a professional in the niche field of ‘reasons to take a long time over drinking a coffee in a small cafe’. He’d never even liked coffee that much - it had always been more of a necessary evil, utilized when he’d pushed his sleeping schedule beyond the reasonable limit - but that was something that he’d conveniently forgotten, just recently.

In fact, he could date this very specific amnesia to the exact moment that he’d walked through the door of this tiny cafe, tired in the middle of a long day at work and gasping for something to drink on his lunch break. That had been the first time he’d come, but there had been a second time, and a third… and now it was almost a whole month later, and Dean was still coming in every day.

He wished he could say that it was the coffee at Better Latte Than Never that kept him coming back. The coffee was good – or at least, Dean thought it was, though he was no expert - he hadn’t exactly sampled a whole lot of different brands. In fact, recently, he hadn’t even bothered buying his usual packet of filter coffee when he went grocery shopping. He spent so much time in Better Latte Than Never that he was starting to genuinely worry about the effects of overcaffeination.

After all, maybe those effects included giddiness, and butterflies in his stomach, and a heart rate through the roof, all of which Dean had been experiencing on a daily basis - but if he was honest, Dean didn’t think he could blame the coffee so much as the maker of the coffee for the symptoms.

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Writing is Hard, part 7: The Shower

Summary: Dean doesn’t appreciate the story you write about your first time.

Read Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Warning: Smut, awkward sex gone wrong (but it gets fixed!)

Word Count: 3000ish

A/N: This is all written with love for fan fic. I’m teasing, not putting it down in any way. Hope you enjoy! (Sorry, tag list is closed!) XOXO


It’s a little sweaty when you wake up. Dean’s on his stomach with his face turned away from you, snoring a tiny bit, his body sprawling over the king-sized bed and leaving you curled up in one tiny little corner.

He does look good, though. The sunlight can’t get through the curtains, but you left a lamp on, and the muscles of his back are all exposed in the dim light. You lean up to get a better view and appreciate him fully, and instantly groan. Your muscles hurt. Apparently, you’ve been curled up in knots all night, and you desperately need to stretch out.

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Secrets

This is a (decently long, sorry for the lack of writing these past few days) one-shot for the below prompt! It… didn’t turn out exactly like the ask, but I hope you like it anyway! I’ve been wanting to try writing trans!lance for a while because I absolutely love that hc, and I really enjoyed writing this, so let me know if you guys like it, because I could definitely see myself doing another fic with it.

Trans! Lance where an asshole alien keeps miss gendering Lance and being transphobic and he starts to get upset and then the team overhears this happening and are about to kick the aliens ass.

I tried to make it gen… but it ended up being very klance, especially at the end… so uh… I hope you like it anyway! Sorry this always happens when I try to write gen fics.


Only half the team knew.

Contrary to their belief, Lance was actually an expert secret keeper. With a large family like his, he had to know when to keep his mouth shut. So, despite the loud, obnoxious, open persona he displayed for the others, he could also be sneaky.

He’d the had practice of years sneaking out of the Garrison, or even his house when he was little to go see the beach at night with his siblings.

So, keeping a secret on an unbelievably large castle ship with only six other people on it was easy.

Or at least, it should’ve been.

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Then and Now

hey here’s some @dilfosaur 2demons AU because I love that shit

—–

“Can I ask you kind of a weird favor?”

Hanzo shrugs one shoulder, his gaze kept on the tiny bonfire between himself and McCree. “I suspect that you will ask me regardless of what I say,” he responds. Which is true–something he has learned about McCree in the past six weeks is that McCree is a very forthright person, when the situation allows for it.

McCree does not take offense, though, instead chuckling as he swigs deeply from a steel flask. He offers the flask to Hanzo, and Hanzo takes it gratefully. Alcohol has simply not been the same since his change 10 years ago, but McCree somehow always has a full supply of a whiskey so potent that even demons can enjoy drunkenness. On some nights, that becomes close to a necessity. 

He drinks, and McCree regards him for a moment. Then he asks, “Can you show me what you look like? What you really look like, as a human.”

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“My mom is better than yours” - Batmom x Damian Wayne

Summary : The Kent family have invited your family over for dinner, and of course, as usual, Damian and Jon don’t quite…behave. 

I just wanted to write a short little cute fic with Damian and his mama because I just love the idea of Damian being super proud of his Batmom and blahblahblah maybe it’s a bit too long sorry. I hope you will like it

My masterlist blog : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com

_________________________________________________

Bruce thought it was extremely cute, how Damian’s eyes always seem to shine when looking at you. How his face brightens. Even how ashamed he is when you scold him when he’s too cocky, or simply being a plain brat. 

The kid thought you were just the best damn thing on this planet. 

He admired everything you did…

The Batman had to admit it, sometimes, he was a bit jealous. 

But mostly, he just thought it was really cute, to see his boy completely accepting you as his mother. Hell, he was even calling you “Mama” (damn period dramas) now !

You were the one he considered his mom (Talia actually tried to kill you a few times because of that, jealous beyond everything of you and the love “her” son seemed to have for you…She tried harder when Damian told her that she was “never his mom”, that you showed him what a real mother was, and also, when she realized how in love Bruce was with you, while she had to drug him to get him to sleep with her…Yeah, pretty jealous. You always pulled through though, mostly thanks to your boys, husband and superfriends).

Well, to be honest, he never doubted the fact that you’d get along with him. You had a special effect on people. If you really put your mind to it, you can convince anyone to do what you want, you can win anyone’s heart in a little flutter of your damn beautiful eyelashes…

When Damian first met you, he was most disagreeable, and you…grounded him. “Young man, in your room, no dessert for you tonight”, and he was so stunned that he did it, though he didn’t even listen to his father at the time, and thought he knew everything better than everyone ! He knew you only for a few minutes, and he already had more respect for you than for anyone else. 

Sometimes, Bruce suspected that you might be a meta-human, because the power you could have over people with your magnificent aura was…something. But he tested you in every way possible, and he had to admit that, you were just like him. A simple human. A simple human with incredible abilities. 

Yes. Bruce always thought it was extremely cute the way his son, your son to the both of you, almost worshipped you. 

Well, your older kids did too. Again, there was just a way about you…

You started dating Bruce when he first took young Richard Grayson in, about twelve years ago (right after Talia drugged him actually), when he was barely 8 years old and heartbroken because of his parents’ death…And though you were merely twenty, quite younger than Bruce really, you took your job as a surrogate mother for Dick very seriously. Quickly, the boy asked you if he could call you mom, if his own mother would be mad and…well, the hug you gave him was answer enough. Though he was twenty and had his own flat in Bludhaven now, Dick was still quite the momma’s boy. 

It was pretty much the same with Jason. You winked at him and told him it was pretty cool and brave to try and steal the batmobile’s wheels, and boom, you had him wrapped around your little fingers. He lived for your bedtime stories and cuddle when he had trouble sleeping. 

Tim was even easier to treat you like his mom. After only a few months he was already introducing you as his mother, and that was that. Just natural. Unlike Jason and Dick, his birth mother wasn’t exactly…the best, and you gave him a chance to have a real mom. One that would die for her son, do anything for him,  even if it meant staying up all night to sing him soothing songs while he had the flu, putting ridiculous costumes to go trick or treating with him, or, more recently, since he was now 15 (already ?!), gaming with him until you’d both pass out out of exhaustion. 

Quite like Tim, Damian never had the love of a “real” mother. How it should be. The mom taking care of her son, no matter what. Not letting him do whatever he wants, but making sure he’s happy…and so, just like his older brothers before him, he came to simply adore you. 

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Talon: Clawing to the Top

Alright, everyone, craziness went down today, but one of the things I’m most HYPED about is the confirmation that Talon is run by a council of leaders.

Most importantly, these leaders disagree with each other.

This is a big deal.  We know so little about Talon’s structure that it’s great to finally get some news on the internal hierarchy of the organization.  Some of the things I’ve pulled together are statements or implications made by Blizzard, some of it is just putting the pieces together, and a lot of it is pure speculation.  I’ll try to keep it clear what’s what.

To start off with, I’m going to be dropping my main hypothesis:

[Main Hypothesis]: the “global conflict” that Doomfist’s faction within Talon has been trying to spread is the Second Omnic Crisis.

[Subset Hypothesis]: the group within Talon that is trying to prevent this is none other than Sombra and Reaper.

As a sort of guide, when I say [Factual Lore] these are things you can double-check in Overwatch dev interviews, Chu’s GDC talk, heroes’ biographies, etc.  When I say [Implications], I’m talking about trying to read in between the lines, to assess what certain things are trying to hint at or indicate.  When I say [Hypothesis] I’m just speculating and constructing a discussion point.

We’re gonna go way, way far back, all the way to the beginning:

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Being Tony Stark’s Daughter and Dating Peter Parker Would Include (Part 2):

Summary: Just dating Peter… and being Tony’s daughter.

Authors Note: This was highly requested in the comments and I really enjoyed making the last one, so here ya  go! <3

Warning(s): swearing and deadpool (again)


Being Tony Stark’s Daughter and Dating Peter Parker Would Include (Part 2):

•y'all “tis about to get wilD


•you and peter have a stable relationship™

-y'all don’t really fight

-if you do it’s something stupid

-“I CANT BELIEVE YOU ATE THE LAST BROWNIE, THE AUDACITY, I AM DISGUSTED, YOUR BEHAVIOUR IS ATROCIOUS”

-“ I’m lactose intolerant Peter”

-“YOU ARE A TERRIBLE- wait you are?!?!”

-“HAHAHA SIKE” *cue you running away with the last brownie*


•Tony usually mediates your fights.

-he doesn’t want his spiderlings to be sad.

-not good for his representation in the ‘approving dad’ world

-“(Y/N) I suggest you give Peter back his brownie”

-“I ate it”

-*tony giving you the scolding parent look*

-“what do you want me to do? Shit it out?”

-*cap bursts through the door* “LANGUAGE (Y/N)


•peter still uses pickup lines on you

-“my Spidey sense isn’t the only thing that’s tingling”

-“peter do you know what that means?

-“yes it means I feel all tingly and happy when I’m around you”

-“BOiIi”

-he clearly gets these from Wade


•peter going on dad dates with Tony

-“I can’t believe you remembered our anniversary”

-“I could never forget it Mr Stark”

-“um Peter…you’re dating me?”

-“This is an A B conversation (Y/N) leave”

-your dad and Peter have probably been on more dates with each other than Peter has with you.


•you and peter are always together

-the avengers freak out when you aren’t.

-“WHERE IS THE LOCATION OF BROTHER PETER?? HAS HE JOINED THE DECEASED??? I SHALL AVENGE YEE MAN OF SPIDER”

-“Thor chill… he went to the bathroom”


•Peter always has his hands on you

-whether it’s holding hands, or he’s touching your shoulder, wrapping his arms around your waist.

-he likes to know that you’re always there.


•hUgS frOm BehInD

-y'all this is the only time Peter feels like he’s the big spoon

-he’ll rest his chin on your head and your back will be pressed to his chest

-aw™


•peter using his height to his advantage

-he’ll hide your things in high places

-so you call for help

-usually ends in you standing on him to get what you want.


•HICKieS yO

-it happened when you first showed Peter your room

-Tony told you to leave the door open but y'all didn’t let that bother you ;)

-“YOU HAVE TAINTED MY YOUNG PETER HE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME”

-“ father why do you not express this concern for me”

-“it’s because you’re the devils spawn”


•finally perfecting that spiderman kiss

-“WE FINALLY DID IT”

-“HELLS YEAH”

-“how do I get down?”

- *cue peter’s web snapping*


•stealing Peter’s clothes

-old and new

-he leaves a sweater at your place?

-BAM it’s yours

-buys a new shirt?

-BaM It’s yours

-he eventually runs out of clothes

-Tony buys him a new wardrobe


•having a meme group chat with Ned

-sending memes about spiderman

-peter regrets introducing you to Ned


•going on dates to the zoo

-Peter taking pictures of you admiring things

-a passerby reports Peter to the security guard for looking like a creep

-your dad has to bail peter out


•whenever peter loses you in a large group of people he always knows how to find you.

-“yo Pete where’s your girlfriend?”

-“hold on one sec” *shakes wallet*

-“DID I HEAR MONEY?!?!”

-“found her”


•spoiling peter bc you’re filthy rich and he deserves the world

-“happy birthday baby!!”

-“(Y/N) is that a car???”

-*you smiling uncontrollably*

-”(Y/N) I can’t drive’’

-’’Its a keepsake’’ 


•convincing your dad to take peter on missions.

-instantly regretting it bc peter is a soft boi who needs protection.

-“If you die on this mission, I will kill you”

-updating the suit bc you must protec™

-“I’ve added extra padding to your suit to soften any falls”

-he literally cannot breathe now


•accidentally admitting that Tom Holland is your celebrity crush.

-“but we look exactly alike??”

-“don’t be ridiculous Peter, you look nothing alike”

•dates to museums and science exhibitions

-watching peter nerd out

-v cute™


•going out with Liz and Michelle for girls nights

-peter dropping in on you as part of ‘patrol’

-almost activating ‘instant kill mode’ when a guy talks to you


•you putting on the suit just to talk to Karan

-“am I the only one that thinks Peter smells like avocado? Like does he even eat avocado?”

-“I too have detected this unusual scent Ms Stark”


•Peter freaks tf out when you get sick

-like mental break down freak out

-he googles your symptoms

-which means he always thinks your dying.

-“I DIDNT KNOW WHAT SOUP YOU LIKED SO I BROUGHT ALL OF THEM USING YOUR DADS CREDIT CARDS”

-he brought like 50 tins of soup

-will not let you leave his sight

-“Peter I need to take a dump”

-“I’ll come with you”


•Wade is always crashing your dates

-he thinks you guys are friends

-“Wade will you ever leave us alone?”

-“Of course Peetie! When (Y/N)’s father accepts my adoption papers”

-“Why would a grown ass man need adopting?”

-“It’s to fund my expensive lifestyle”

-Wade also steals Peter’s wallet so he has an excuse to come along.

-eventually getting a restraining order on Wade.


•Star Wars marathons

-you thinking Luke Skywalker is hot

-Peter getting jealous

-he dresses up like Luke the next day.


•he finds your old spiderman fan account on tumblr

-when he does he just stares at you smugly from across the room.

-“what?”

-“oh nothing” ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)

-he starts texting you the ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º) face.

-“so you bet spiderman is one sexy specimen under that mask?“ ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)

-you want to die

-"I will delete you from my life”


•going to Starbucks for your anniversary dates


•peter insisting you have him on speed dial just incase anything happens

-you mostly use it to get food

-“hi”

-“(Y/N)??? Are you okay??”

-“I’ll have a double cheeseburger and fries please.”

-“(Y/N) pls”

-“what? I’m hungry”

-“may I remind you that I am  not supposed to be used for ordering take out”

-“then what the fuck are you supposed to be?”

-“your boyfriend”

-“oh yes that too”


•you wear matching outfits to school sometimes

-you are the power couple of the school


•taking Tony’s car for a joy ride

-crashing it bc peter gets nervous and webs up the windscreen

-it’s all good tho

-you use his card to buy a new one

-and blame it on Wade


•cute goodmorning texts

-“make sure to brush your teeth, you have terrible morning breath xox ~ (Y/N)

-"please brush your hair today, yesterday you looked like a yeti that had been run over and drowned in toilet water <3 Peter”


•everyone noticing how whipped Peter is for you

-except you

-peter doesn’t even know what that means he’s so outdated


•Peter has coffee mornings with Steve

-you’re never invited


•sending each other selfies

-your ugliest ones usually end up as your lock screens

-“who’s that horrendous looking creature?”

-“my fucking boyfriend bish”


•you die when peter speaks Spanish

-“pan caliente”

-“ I don’t know what you just said but please let it be the only thing you say at my funeral”

-he said hot bread


•Peter worries about your wellbeing

-he sets up daily reminders on your phone to drink water

-irl it’s just him texting you h20 puns and jokes


•you are very territorial

-if a girl so much as looks at Peter

-you will snatch the weave

-one time you actually pulled out some girls hair

-Peter thought it was hot™

-Steve and Tony did not ™


•stony are your parents tbh


•like your dad you have a lot of issues

-you’re scared peter will leave

-but he never does

-he always comes back


•arcade dates

-Peter gives you a promise ring from a vending machine

-the avengers freak out and think it’s an engagement ring.

-Steve gives you a lecture about patience and how you should wait.

-Tony on the other hand…

-“I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME I HAVE BEEN PLANNING THIS FOR MONTHS”

-“Uh Mr Stark, we’re 17 and it’s just a promise ring”

-“You are both disappointments and disgraces to the Stark name”


•caring for him after missions

-cuddles

-back rubs

-Peter is very clingy at this point.


•knowing exactly what calms each other down.


•Training with Peter

-having a run on the treadmill whilst he does weights.

-you trip and hit your head

-Peter drops a weight on his foot bc he’s shook.

-you both go to hospital and agree never to workout together again.


•carnival dates

-peter sees a game and insists he wins a price for you

-he loses

-3 times

-you end up having a go and you win a fish

-peter has the fish for 4 days of the week and you have him for 3

-the fish is your son™

-his name is ‘the fish™’


•stargazing and talking about a future together


•you both trust and love each other a lot

•you love peter a lot

-although you don’t say it often

-you show it though

- but he already knows it

Saw Great Comet yesterday (7-30-17), and I just wanted to share some of my experience with you guys! I was sitting in the rear mezz, which I highly recommend!

*I'mma skip over a lot of the main details just because they’ve already been covered, but I’ll try to include things that were particular to this show/not often talked about.

“Prologue”

• There’s a little vignette right before the show starts where Andrey is leaving for war, and it begins with Natasha screaming the most heartbreaking no you’ve ever heard in ur life.
• When Oak came out, there was thunderous applause. Like, it went on for at least a full minute. I was so happy.
• Also, hearing that first accordion note reduced me to tears bc I’m sensitive™.

“Pierre”

• So lemme talk about Oak’s voice real quick. Someone noted that it’s this perfect blend between Groban’s smoothness and Malloy’s roughness, and I have to wholeheartedly agree. It’s absolutely beautiful. He’s a beautiful Pierre.
• Also, he plays Pierre with a lot of melancholy. It’s almost as though he’s always on the verge of tears.
• “He’s charming; he has no sex.” While the ladies are skipping around him, Hélène is conducting them, and it’s hilarious.
• “I pity you. I pity me. I pity you.” — Oak sings these lines so gutturally. His agony echoes off the very walls of the Imperial.
• “Pierre” received a long applause as well.

“Moscow”

• GRACE MCLEAN DESERVED TO BE NOMINATED FOR A TONY AWARD!1! HOLY CRAP. HER VOCALS BRING THE HOUSE DOWN!!!!!!!
• The moment she belts her first lines, you know exactly what kind of personality Marya D. has, and that’s a tribute to her actress. Srsly.
• During the song, Marya will sometimes act maternally to Sonya, but the moment Natasha comes back into sight, she’ll roughly push Sonya away, and it’s hilarious.
• Natasha’s humming is absolutely heartbreaking. It’s one of the many moments in the musical when you realize how young she is.

“The Private and Intimate Life of the House”

• There were understudies for both Mary and Bolkonsky/Andrey, Courtney Bassett and Ken Clark respectively. They were wonderful. Ken’s performance especially stood out to me.
• “People enjoy me, though…” Before he sang these lines, he held eye contact with a person across from him for, like, five seconds, and it was incredibly funny. (Same goes for him patting his wig and powder flying into the air.)
• “BRING ME MY SLIPPERS! YES, FATHER. YES, FATHER. BRING ME MY WIIIIIIIIIIIIINE.”
• The audience interaction in this one is A+. Mary’s suitor and Bolkonsky’s cheap French thing draw huge laughs from the crowd.
• “They are there upon his head.” I’ve seen a few posts where people lament that the audience laughs at this line, but I truly think it’s supposed to be laughed at. Mary is kind of coy when she says it, like she’s laughing at it herself. After that, though, her mood dips, slowly sinking into this utterly palpable reproach.
• The audience was completely silent.
• While she’s singing her final lines, Bolkonsky is slowly making his way back to his chair, and your heart shatters as you watch. He’s clutching his back and using the railing for support. When he finally collapses in his chair, he kinda puts his head in his hands.

“Natasha and the Bolkonskys”

• Towards the beginning of the song, Natasha and Mary hoist chairs over their heads and join a table of people on stage. It’s hilarious. They really milk the awkwardness of the moment.
• “Constrained and strained” is so frickin’ good. When Courtney and Denée sing it, it’s really low and creepy.
• “Says the mean, old man in his underthings” drew huge laughs, especially bc of Bolkonsky’s hand movements. He kept gesturing towards his entire body.

“No One Else”

• Honest to God, I could write essays on how perfect Denée Benton and her performance of this song is. She emotes so beautifully. Her voice, her movements, her facial expressions all come together to create Natasha, a young, lost girl who wants nothing more than to see Andrey again.
• I cried (obviously).
• The blue light is absolutely gorgeous in this song. (The blue light is meant to be the moon.)
• At one point, Andrey shows up, and snow begins to lightly fall on him. He reads one of Natasha’s letters, brings it to his lips tenderly before walking away, and just behind him, almost able to reach him, is Natasha, her face the perfect picture of despair.
Denée Benton.
• The applause after this song was long and well-deserved.

“The Opera”

• Just for the record, songs like this one, “The Duel”, and “The Abduction"—where all of the cast members are out—are absolutely electric. The energy is incredible.
• “The opera, the opera…” Marya D. belts these lines so loudly, lololol.
• On one side, you can spot Heath Saunders as one of the opera goers, and lemme just tell you guys, that long, black coat suits him.
• “Hélène and Dolokhov arm-in-arm…” They aren’t so much arm-in-arm as they are passionately making out on stage. Omg. I love them.
• “Noooo, I’m enjoying myself this evening.” Pierre pumps his fist and smiles this absolutely giddy smile.
• When Marya sees that Natasha is talking to Hèlène, she runs up and pushes Nat behind her.
• To indicate that the “curtain rises,” some of the light bulbs retract. It’s a cool effect.
• I know the literal opera part of the song sounds incredibly weird on the recording, but in person, it’s more hilarious than you’d think. The actors are doing ridiculous things and making animalistic noises, lol.
• When it’s over, the spotlight turns to Natasha and Sonya. Sonya’s asleep, lolololololol.
• Right before Anatole comes in and around the time Natasha begins to “pass into a state of intoxication”, she hallucinates Andrey being injured during the war. The two circle each other around Pierre’s salon, simply gazing into each other’s eyes, and it’s intense.
• Anatole’s entrance is frickin’ ridiculous and amazing all at once.
• You know those measured beats at the beginning of his introduction? During each of those, he sharply turns his head in a new direction, ostensibly to show off his head.
• Also, his walk is literally a swagger.
• Either in this scene or during “Natasha and Anatole”, he caught a lady unaware and kissed her on the cheek. She jumped so badly, lolololol.

“Natasha and Anatole”

• During the intro of the song, Anatole checks himself out in a mirror before posing himself perfectly for the moment Natasha turns around to see him.
• Also, let’s talk about Lucas Steele for a hot minute. He is Anatole Kuragin, from his almost exotic voice to the way he walks. Out of the cast, I’d say that Steele is the one who plays the crowd the best.
• Throughout this number, Anatole and Natasha play the roles of pursuer and the pursued. Natasha tries so hard not to be wrapped under his spell. :(
• When he takes the flower off her head, Natasha makes a perfect :O face. I love Denée Benton.
• “And kiss me on the neck.” He does manage to get this kiss, and it’s really rough-looking.
• “How do you like Moscow?” Lolololololololol.
• For the most part, the two are roving around the stage (mostly bc Natasha is running away from Anatole), but at the end, they sit down next to each other, and it’s played as a really significant moment.

“The Duel”

• “The Duel” is epic live. Holy freakin’ crap.
• The moment Dolokhov, Pierre, and Anatole clink their glasses together, the strobe lights come on and the real party begins. There’s intensely sexual dancing, half-naked people, and glow sticks everywhere.
• Y'all, I saw Marya D., in a skin tight, black costume no less, whip several people with a riding crop with my own two eyes.
• Also, in the very back of the rear mezz, there was, like, a threesome going on.
• The energy during this song was absolutely nuts.
• Sonya’s party outfit is so cute. It’s an almost innocent looking dress, and she’s wearing bright sunglasses.
• The ensemble echoing back “corpulence” is really frickin’ funny.
• Nick Choksi really highlights the psychopathic part of Dolokhov, especially in the “Here’s to the health of married women” sequence. His movements are jubilant but also shark-like. He and Hélène make out for a loooooong time.

“Dust and Ashes”

• Oak’s “Dust and Ashes” is an absolute privilege to hear, and if you have the chance, I would go and listen to it while you can. His voice could have shaken the entire foundation of the theater.
• While he’s singing, the entire cast lines up in the rear mezz to provide backup vocals, and it’s incredibly poignant. (Also, tho, Lucas Steele stood in front of me, and I died.)
• “Don’t let me die while I’m like this…” During these lines, Oak starts crying, and it guts you.
• There was a two minute applause for “Dust and Ashes”, and I was on the verge of crying just bc he was getting such a huge applause.
• Oak is perfect, okay?

“Sunday Morning” / “Charming”

• “Everyone sees a man!” Ingrid delivers this line so well. It got a huge laugh.
• AHHHHHHHHH, now here’s a symbolic moment for you. When Natasha says that she can see a shape in the darkness as she’s looking into the mirror, Pierre is standing up right behind her. Pierre is her future.
• (The moment Nat leaves, he sits back down.)
• Amber Gray can slay me, tbh. “Charming” is everything I could have ever asked for.
• When she walks in, the lights are bright behind her, and her hood is over her head, effectively masking her identity. It’s a really neat moment.
• The lights dim when she takes off her hood.
• Natasha is in her undergarments throughout the song until Hélène gives her her cloak. (Btw, Natasha looks gr8 in said cloak.)
• At some point, Natasha starts mimicking Hélène’s movements, and it’s adorable but also a really nice character touch. Same goes for Hélène snatching Andrey’s necklace off of Nat’s neck and exchanging it for her own pearls.

“The Ball”

• This number was enchanting. I had a hard time focusing on the main stage bc the dancers in the rear mezz. were so mesmerizing in their movements.
• Also, tho, the ensemble dancers mimicked what Anatole and Natasha were dancing at times.
• When Natasha tries to run away from Anatole, he pursues her up the steps and forces their first kisses. She’s surprised at first, but gives into it with abandon a few seconds later. The kiss lasts a very long time.
• At the end of “The Ball”, Natasha and Anatole run through the doors together and then turn to face the audience. They’re holding hands. The lights are bright behind them.

“Letters”

• “Letters” is such a frickin’ jam, y'all.
• When it starts, the cast members spill out of the double doors singing.
• At the beginning of “Letters”, just as Pierre is addressing Andrey, Andrey appears at the top of the stairs. Pierre faces him.
• “I see nothing but the candles in the mirror.” For one of the very few times in the play, Natasha and Pierre face each other.
• The geometric symmetry in the choreography is really wonderful all around. For instance, at one point, Mary, Natasha, and Pierre are all positioned in a triangle, taking turns facing one another.
• Anatole’s love letter was an absolute showstopper. People were whistling, clapping, and screaming when he started holding those really long notes. Holy crap @ Lucas Steele!!!!!

“Sonya and Natasha” / “Sonya Alone”

• “Sonya and Natasha” is intense. I was on the edge of my seat for their fighting.
• “I’m soooooooooooooo happy, and sooooooooooo frightened.” Kill it, Denée!!!! (When she’s singing about her happiness, her arms are extended widely, and when she’s singing about being frightened, she withdraws into herself.)
• “I have no will. My life is his.” During these lines, Natasha is wrapped around an increasingly agonized Sonya.
• “Sonya Alone” is one of the most powerful numbers in the show, and you really don’t recognize it until you see it live.
• The theater is almost completely dark with the exception of a spotlight on Sonya. Throughout the entirety of the song, Natasha is ambling about, tightly clutching Anatole’s letter.
• Sonya never takes her eyes off of Natasha, and your heart can’t help but ache for both of them.
• Ingrid Michaelson is truly a wonderful Sonya—maybe not as sure as Brittain but she definitely doesn’t lack heart.
• On the first “I will protect your name and your heart”, Natasha stumbles on a stair, staggered by the weight of her friend’s words. Then, she walks to the opposite side of the stage, only to be completely stopped by Sonya’s, “I know you’ve forgotten me.”
• For the rest of the song, Natasha is still, her head inclined towards Sonya.

“Preparations” / “Balaga”

• When Pierre greets Anatole at the beginning of this number, it’s almost as though he’s caught Anatole out. Anatole had been trying to sneak past unnoticed.
• Anatole shaves in front of a mirror during “Preparations”, lol. At one point, he turns to the crowd with shaving cream still on his face.
• Dolokhov sings his arguments at Anatole very fiercely during this song, even more so than he does in the recording.
• I looooooooooooove “Balaga”. It’s such a wild performance. Paul Pinto moves with such agility and manic energy. The ensemble hands out the egg shakers during this one.

“The Abduction”

• “THE ABDUCTION” IS SO GOOOD. HOLY CRAPPP.
• Anatole singing “WHOOOOA” while swinging his green jacket cleared my skin, watered my crops, and cured my depression.
• The whole theater is absolutely alive with commotion. There’s a dance off between a guy in the rear mezz and a guy on stage that’s frickin’ amazing.
• People are doing backflips.
• Natasha smashes a painting on Balaga’s head.
• Marya and Hélène are making out.
• Pierre is doing a cute jig.
• It’s beautiful, beautiful chaos.
• When Pierre screams his “WHOA” part, everyone collapses on the floor, absolutely exhausted, and then, then, the most wonderful thing happens.
• Pierre giggles.
• “Hee-hee-hee.”
• God, I love Oak.
• “Wait, wait. First we have to sit down.” Anatole made room for himself next to a girl, which was hecking funny, but what was even funnier was that the girl leaned her head on Anatole’s shoulder. The whole theater dissolved in laughter. Anatole held the quiet for a comedically long period before getting up, and when he did, he kissed the girl on the cheek. It was really cute.
• When Marya entered at the end of the song, surrounded by this harsh, red light, there were audible gasps in the audience. People weren’t expecting her, lol.

“In My House”

• GRACE MCLEAN DESERVED A TONY NOMINATION: PART TWO.
• She acted her butt out through this entire song. I’m serious.
• Her voice is dangerously quiet until, “YOU LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU. YOU LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU.”
• The tension in the room was palpable.
• Also, all of the yelling you hear on the recording? It’s so much more intense live. It’s fierce enough to make you flinch.
• “Don’t touch me!” At one point when Natasha screamed this, she physically pushed Marya away, and Marya wasn’t angry so much as she was stunned.
• “Natasha’s whole body shook with noiseless, convulsive sobs.” She was literally bent over, grasping the railing like she couldn’t breathe.
• “And she threw herself down on the sofa.” Natasha stands erect with her arms crossed and her head buried in them. The spotlights focus on her, and that’s when Marya softens.
• You can see the fight leave Grace McLean’s body. Her voice is incredibly tender.

“A Call to Pierre” / “Find Anatole”

• GRACE MCLEAN DESERVED A TONY NOMINATION: PART THREE.
• Her face is absolutely devastated as she’s talking to Pierre. Like, I still have chills thinking about it.
• Also, Pierre is waking up from a nap at the beginning of this number, lol.
• “I have been… studying.” He glances quickly at the place he had been napping.
• The sheer power in Oak’s voice really comes out in these next songs. Anger and fear simmers behind the way he sings. A+++
• At the beginning of “Find Anatole”, he truly sounds out of breath. His body is fully bent over for a couple of seconds.
• “He can’t be married!” The absolute horror in Denée’s voice nearly slaughters you, tbh.
• When Pierre discovers Anatole and Hélène and gets mad, they start to run away.
• Pierre is livid when he finds Anatole and Hélène. I mean, livid.

“Pierre and Anatole” / “Natasha Very Ill”

• Pierre nearly throttling Anatole is a sight™.
• “Amuse yourself with women like my wife!” The spotlight shines on Hélène as she stands up and bristles indignantly. What an amazing character touch.
• During that long pause before Pierre apologizes to Anatole, Natasha walks right between the two and drinks the arsenic. A few moments later, it begins taking effect, and she starts screaming. It’s a terrible, convincing sound. She runs off stage. Marya and Sonya follow her.
• “FOR PETERSBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURG!” :’)))
• There was a pause between “Pierre and Anatole” and “Natasha Very Ill” while we all wildly applauded that C#. Holy crap @ Lucas Steele!!!!!!!!!!!!
• “Natasha Very Ill” is sad. Everyone is devastated, especially Sonya and Marya.

“Pierre and Andrey”

• Ken Clark is an amazing Andrey. He has a v. human approach to the prince.
• When Pierre and Andrey are trading insults, there’s a lot of affection between them. It’s really as though the two haven’t seen each other in quite awhile.
• Andrey’s somewhat tender tone continues until he asks Pierre to confirm whether the rumors he had heard were true, and when Pierre replies in the affirmative, that is the very moment when Andrey assumes his colder exterior.
• It frickin’ breaks your heart.
• #PoorAndrey
• “If you wish to be my friend, never speak of that again.” During “If you wish to be my friend,” Andrey’s voice breaks seemingly on the edge of tears, and then it hardens at the end as he jabs a finger in Pierre’s chest. The moment he does so, though, he immediately looks horrified. Did I really just threaten my friend?
• “Well, goodbye” is soft.
• #PoorAndrey
• CRAP. I FORGOT THE WORST PART OF THIS SONG. Behind Andrey and Pierre, Natasha and Sonya are standing in a darkened corner. Whenever Andrey refers to Natasha, she flinches and buries herself into Sonya.
• :(

“Pierre and Natasha” / “The Great Comet of 1812”

• “Pierre and Natasha” broke me.
• At the beginning of the song, Natasha slowly makes her way down the staircase, entirely dependent on the railing to get down. It tears at your heart. You can’t help but remember how lovely and vibrant she had been at the beginning of the play.
• The nightgown she’s in makes her look so small, and with her braided hair, she looks just like a little girl.
• Oak emotes his lyrics so tenderly, so gently in this one. His voice is always on the verge of breaking.
• “She began to cry…” Yeah, no. She sobbed, and you sobbed with her. Her whole body was shaking. She had to hold on to the rail.
• An interesting tidbit: Hélène is sitting right behind Natasha, and she has her head in her hands like she’s reacting to the sadness of this scene, too.
• “All over…” At this point, Natasha is walking back up the staircase, and the theater is absolutely silent. You could have heard a pin drop. Oak says the written line to her back.
• I’ll never forget the way Oak delivered it, and I will never want to either.
• His voice simply broke on “if I were free”.
• Pierre turns away from her, and then she turns towards him, slowly making her way back to him.
• During her last lines, Natasha touches his cheek, and it is sincerely one of the most beautiful moments of this very beautiful play.
• “The Great Comet of 1812” was moving, too.
• The theater very much looked like a beautiful night sky. The comet prop was stunning, too.
• Pierre sat down at the end of the song and gazed reverentially up at the comet.

This play was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life, and I recommend it with all of my heart and soul. Please, please support it if you can.

this is my @aftgexchange gift for @sirandking i’m not sure if this is quite what u were hoping for n it’s messy but idk i kinda like it 

tw for mentions of alcohol as a coping mechanism, as well as super brief blink-and-you-miss-it mentions of riko, drugs and self-harm

ao3 link


“That sweater is new,” Kevin comments as he seats himself in the beanbag next to Andrew’s, passing over a mug of coffee as he does so. It’s a small, meaningless comment - the kind of small talk they both collectively despise - but it’s something, and since the death of Riko, Kevin’s found that there are not really any other threads connecting the two of them. Silence has panned out between them for weeks. He tells himself he’s irritated by it because it’s bad for the team’s dynamics - a rapport with your teammates is essential for a successful team. He won’t admit that Andrew is probably the closest thing to a friend Kevin has around here, except for maybe Neil.

He doesn’t expect his comment to be dignified with a response; he knows Andrew well enough to know to expect perhaps a nod of acknowledgement, or a stony look his way, questioning and judging his observation. Nevertheless, the silence makes him ever-so-slightly self-conscious, so as his eyes catch the way the sleeves fall over Andrew’s hands, he tacks on a lousy “–and too big for you.”

Andrew Minyard has always been best at defying expectations.

“It’s not mine,” he responds coolly, devoid of emotion or even acknowledgment, eyes still trained on the contents of his mug as he mutters, as though talking to no one.

It’s an easy enough admittance, casual and shameless, yet it still manages to leave Kevin embarrassingly taken aback. He knows, realistically, that he probably has the best insight into the relationship between Andrew and Neil than any other outsider, however he’s still never quite got it. The logical part of his brain tells him it shouldn’t work - two people both so shattered and fiery, like shards of broken glass, in such close proximity can only end in further shattering, as far as he’s aware. And flames. It’s concerning, something with so much power, with so many sparks - just one wrong move could become a savage wildfire that burns his team down to nothing more than ashes. It’s risky and dangerous and stupid and he hates it, is terrified of it, but this admittance that comes so easily changes something in him.

Because something about the idea of Andrew Minyard curled into a beanbag with a cup of coffee and his boyfriend ’s (and isn’t that in itself another unexpected and ever-so-slightly strange thing to wrap his head around) sweater on feels less like untamed sparks and more like a candle light. And that’s much more soothing than terrifying, even if it is still a little strange to him.  

Perhaps trying to understand this would be a good idea, he concludes. So he asks “When did all this start for you anyway?” waving a hand conspiratorially to punctuate the question. And this time he’s almost convinced he’ll be ignored, or delivered a vague, meaningless answer as a result of the unspecific question, but the furrow of Andrew’s brow as he lifts his gaze up to Kevin’s tells him otherwise. It’s a strange, uncharted territory.

“February.”

“You liked him before then,” Kevin suddenly finds himself accusing before he can stop himself, still processing this new information, whilst considering every sign he could remember, the most poignant being the way Andrew did things for nobody but Neil. Could only have his arm twisted by Neil. Had always drifted towards Neil, had never raised a knife to Neil, had always been straight with admittances to Neil; Neil, Neil, Neil was the exception to every rule of the Andrew Minyard handbook, the one Kevin had studied meticulously and still never found a loophole in. He finds himself itching to know more.

“I hate him.” Andrew deadpans, a reflex at this point, and if Kevin was anyone else, he’d have furrowed his brow, wrinkled up his nose, frowned and found himself reprimanding Andrew, but he’s not anyone else, so he smirks instead, because he thinks he’s finally starting to understand how Andrew works, and this kind of understanding is as scintillating as it is spine-chilling, like watching a horror film, driving past a car crash or finding a spider in your room - the kind of fear that keeps you captivated, unable to tear your eyes away from it even when you know it’s awful, and you shouldn’t, and if this is what Andrew feels around Neil, no wonder he hates him. Andrew has never enjoyed feeling, as far as Kevin knows, and something so intense and contradictory, something that can’t be calculated and analysed can only be devastating.

The words “I know,” feel foreign and awkward on his tongue, his body tense as they slip out and it all multiplies when Andrew’s blank stare shifts from the mug he warms his hands on to Kevin’s face. “Why him?” he eggs on, trying to coax something out of Andrew, whether it be more answers and information, something to help him understand, or just a reaction, something to put the world back in order and dissolve the itchy curiosity and mere residue of fear that has settled on his skin.

Andrew ignores it entirely. “You’ve reached your daily quota of questions you can ask me for free.” He pauses, as though considering something for a moment, before finally deciding against whatever it is and dismissing Kevin with a curt “You can go now.”

Kevin goes.


The next time Kevin sees Andrew, it’s because he’s paused the exy game on his laptop and emerged from his room for the first time in hours after smelling something divine. He is greeted with the sight of an unholy amount of Indian food scattered across the table, and isn’t sure whether he wants to kiss Andrew (if he was not in a relationship, if Andrew was not in a relationship, if either of them were in any way attracted to each other and if he had a death wish - none of which are even remotely true) or kill him, because really , this is not how future professional athletes should eat, but he can hear Jean’s voice in his head telling him to relax, to loosen the tight leash of control he has over his life in order for total success, thus he reluctantly picks up the spare fork left on the side and a tub of something orange, before sitting on the other end of

the sofa to Andrew.

“Nicky and Aaron will be here soon,” Andrew states at the exact same time that Kevin asks “Where’s Neil?”, changing his course of action to start Kevin down instead.

There’s a handful of new mottled bruises adorning his face from who knows where, and a nasty looking cut beneath his eye that he’s certain Aaron will fuss over later, much to Andrew’s dismay, and for a moment he considers asking if he’s okay,  before swiftly realising what a stupid idea that is and dismissing it completely as Andrew opens his mouth again.

“I’m not his keeper.”

“I know.” Again. Andrew sighs.

“Did I or did I not tell you that you have asked as many free questions as you are permitted to today?” This time, as Andrew snaps, Kevin hears it.

“Free?” he asks around a mouthful of rice, swallowing hastily before he continues. “So if I give you something, I can ask more?”

It’s a rhetorical question, but Andrew grants him a small nod anyway. “Neil and I have - had - a thing.” Kevin agonisingly anticipates his next words as Andrew scoops up another mouthful of food. Static silence stretches out between them until he swallows again. “Truth for truth. For everything you ask me, I ask you something.”

“Deal.”

“It’s my turn.” His gaze shoots skywards, face contorting in mock-thought. “Why are you so interested?”

“In?”

He rolls his eyes. “Do I have to spell it out?” is punctuated with a sigh. “Me and Neil.”

“I don’t understand it,” is all Kevin replies, because, really, he’s not all too sure.

“Understand what?”

“Any of it. It’s a lot to process.” Andrew nods as Kevin finishes, despite the answer being indisputably lame.

“It’s your turn.”

“Why him?” falls out of Kevin’s mouth again like a reflex. He watches as Andrew’s blank expression twitches and his eyes shut for a second in something akin to stoicism.

“He’s interesting.” Kevin knows how much that means from a perpetually bored man.

“He’s kind of messed up,” he replies hesitantly, though there’s really no “kind of,” - there’s not doubt that Neil’s messed up - and he isn’t sure whether his words are a challenge or a disagreement.

There’s something almost wistful in Andrew’s eyes. “Exactly.”

Kevin gets that, too. The reason things have always worked with Thea, even when others told him, told both of them , that they shouldn’t, is because she always got it. She knew what it was like to be a Raven, she knew the complicated relationship he had with Riko and the Moriyamas, she never judged, never told him his reactions were gratuitous or invalid, she just understood .

Understanding, true understanding, is unparalleled in rarity, and perhaps the most coveted trait of all.

“Why alcohol?” interrupts Kevin from his thoughts, and it takes him a moment longer than it should to process that it’s Andrew’s turn again.

“What?” Kevin asks, wrinkling up his face.

“You could have any coping mechanism you wanted: drugs, self-harm, running yourself to the bone, food addiction, therapy, adult colouring books…” he lists off, his eyes infinitesimally lighter than usual, and Kevin resists the urge to roll his eyes, because of course the only person who can amuse Andrew Minyard is Andrew Minyard. “Why alcohol?” he repeats.

“It’s the only thing that can make me forget.”

“There are drugs that could do that much easier,” Andrew replies, but there are lines in his forehead as he tacks on “probably.”

“After Seth and Aaron,” Kevin responds cautiously, “and you – cracker dust is the worst I swore I’d ever do. And that–” he pauses again, mind casting him back to nights at Eden, panic attacks in toilet stalls and the burn in his throat that leaves his brain null and void of all things Evermore. “–It’s not enough on its own.”

“It’s weak. And unhealthy.”

“I know.” He replies, and there’s something cold and cumbersome building up at the pit of his stomach as the topic is stretched out like an elastic band, millimetres away from snapping or closing back in on itself, so he tries his hardest not to trip over words as they stumble out of his mouth. “It’s my turn again. How does it work - you and him - after everything? Your past. How do you–”

“No.” Andrew cuts him off, fists clenching tighter around the cutlery in his hands. “You don’t get to ask that. Something else.”

Kevin doesn’t say sorry, but his face does, even if there’s something about pulling a reaction out of Andrew that sets his nerves on fire. “What are you scared of?”

Andrew blinks at him once, empty composure regained. “Heights.”

Kevin’s face wrinkles up. How can a man who has spent so long mocking Kevin for his fears of the Moriyamas, of the Ravens, of death , be afraid of something so trivial, something that is a fear of death, in a way, in itself. “I thought you said you weren’t afraid of death.”

“I’m not.” Andrew replies, a hint of a sneer on his face as he adds “And I hate that word.”

“Afraid?” Kevin asks, shrugging when Andrew nods. “If you’re not afraid of death, what is it about heights that you’re scared of?”

“Falling.” Andrew replies hollowly, and Kevin’s about to ask more, about to ask about how he can go to a rooftop so often with Neil - does Neil know? - when the conversation is interrupted by the sound of a key in the lock, and the two boys shift around just in time to watch a drenched Neil, looking like he’s just taken a fully-clothed shower, stumble through the door, flanked by Dan and Allison, both also varying levels of waterlogged.

As the girls immediately make their way over to the excess of food lying on the table, eyes wide and begging Andrew and Kevin to let them have some, Neil slides effortlessly into the space between them and turns to Andrew, who tentatively reaches out towards him and ruffles a hand through his hair, watching as Neil slides his soiled jacket off and finally wiping his now wet hand on Neil’s shirt to dry it.

The sides of Neil’s mouth twitch and Kevin battles with the urge to turn away, to leave.

“There’s enough food there to feed a small army,” Neil mutters, low enough that the words were really meant only for Andrew, and softer than Kevin’s ever heard. It’s more than slightly disconcerting.

“You’re a small army,” Andrew retorts, only Neil must be hearing something else completely in that, because next thing he knows, Neil’s turned around to face the girls who are still fawning over the makeshift banquet.

“Invite the rest of the team and you can help yourselves,” he states, watching with eyes showing something reminiscent of fondness as Allison immediately pulls her phone out and Dan digs through their drawers for extra cutlery.

Neil turns back to Andrew, the ghost of a smile hanging from his mouth fading after a second, face wrinkling up.

“Isn’t that sweater mine?”

Kevin’s mind may say “Disgusting,” but he can feel the sides of his mouth quirk upwards as he finds Andrew’s face encrusted with crumbs of fear like he’s tumbling, freefalling, into an abyss.

Promises (Part One)

Requested by Anonymous

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Synopsis: Peter Parker is your best friend (and crush), although you don’t know he’s Spider-Man yet. One day, you’re attacked by The Vulture and badly hurt.

Word count: 1,472

Warnings: Some violence and mention of blood.

Tags: @thisisthelilith @idroppedthefries @avengers-earths-mightiest-heroes

A/N: I’m still shook about spiderman: homecoming, the avengers: infinity war trailer (that i didn’t even get to see smh), and I recently found out that infinity wars was being filmed in Queens A WEEK before I was planning to visit NYC…so I’ve been working on this request to calm me down lol. I have way too many feelings about Marvel atm. Someone please help me 🙃 (Also, I’m turning this request into multiple parts because I had way too many ideas for it and it was about to be way too long)

(Part Two)


“Hey, you,” You heard from behind your locker door.              

The voice scared you so much that you slammed your locker shut in panic. When you saw who it was, your cheeks turned bright crimson.

“Jesus, Peter. You scared the shit out of me.”

Peter just grinned, amused that he was able to fluster you without even trying.

“Sorry. Why so jumpy today?” he asked with a chuckle.

“I don’t know. I just woke up feeling kind of weird today. It’s no big deal. What are you doing after school today? Ned told me he got the Lego Deathstar set.”

Peter raised an eyebrow and leaned against the locker beside you. Your quick change of subject and flustered rambling couldn’t trick him. He knew something was wrong with you, but he decided to bypass it for now. He didn’t want to make you talk about something you didn’t want to talk about, so he just shook his head and carried on with the conversation as if everything was normal.

“I heard. I wish I could help you guys build it, but I got the Stark internship after school.”

You rolled your eyes and copied his pose, your shoulder falling hard against your locker.

“You always have the Stark internship. Doesn’t he ever let you take a break?”

Peter chuckled again.

“Uh, not really. No. It’s okay though, I like it.”

You were still annoyed, but you didn’t want to crap all over something Peter loved. So you just gave him a little fake smile instead.

“I’m glad you enjoy it. Ned and I will miss you though.”

Peter gave you one of his little appreciative half-smiles.

“I’ll miss you, too. Uh, both of you… I mean,” He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. “Anyways, can I walk you out?”

You nodded and the both of you headed towards the front entrance of Midtown High.

You and Peter had parted ways a while back on your journey home. You felt a little antsy walking alone in Queens, and Peter was reluctant to leave you alone, but you convinced him that you would be fine. You kept checking your phone nervously, waiting for Ned to text you back about the plan for that night. When you looked up, you realized that you didn’t even know where you were walking anymore. You stopped and looked around. There was an ominous feeling in the air – the same creepy feeling you got when you woke up this morning. Something bad was about to happen. You could feel it.

You spun around, and just as you did, you saw a winged creature swooping down to grab you. The last thing you saw before you blacked out was a pair of mechanical talons gripping your shoulders.

When you woke up, your vision was blurry. You tried to sit up, but when you did, your body was wracked with pain. You fell back to the ground and hit your head on the pavement, worsening your anguish. When you reached back to cradle it, you felt something warm and sticky on your hands. You tried to lift your other arm, but couldn’t. You tried and failed to move your legs as well. You didn’t know what happened to you, but you knew that it was bad. You lay still, waiting for the pain to stop when you saw a blurry figure running to you.

“Y/N!” You heard the figure scream, and you knew at once that it was Peter.

But you were out before you could even say his name.

… 

Beep…Beep…Beep.

The first thing you heard before you opened your eyes was the steady beeping of the heart monitor next to you. The next thing was worried voices speaking next to you.

“She’s going to be alright, kid. It’ll take her a while to get there, but she’s going to be alright.”

“You don’t get it, Tony. I let this happen. Me. This whole thing is my fault.”

As soon as you recognized the second voice as Peter’s, you knew you had to open your eyes for him. It took all of the strength in your body, but finally your eyes fluttered open. You tried to say something comforting to him, but nothing came out. Instead, you made a grunting noise and tried to reach out for him.

Peter immediately kneeled down next to you and put an arm on your shoulder.

“Y/N? Are you okay? Wait, no, don’t try to talk. Or move. Just…thank god you’re okay.”

“P…Peter. W-what…happened?” You struggled to ask.

Peter just stared at you with a pained expression.

“It’s…complicated. You got hurt. But you’re going to be okay now.”

You turned your gaze to Tony Stark, who was standing sullenly in the corner of the room.

“Why is he here? Where am I?”

Tony stepped forward and gripped the footboard of your hospital bed.

“You’re in Avengers Tower. In the medical bay.”

“What? Why aren’t I in a real hospital? Where’s my parents…?”

You shifted uncomfortably under your sheets, trying to sit up, but stopped abruptly and groaned when you felt a sharp pain in your ribs. Peter pressed gently on your shoulder to keep you from moving.

“I wouldn’t do that, Y/N.”

“Why am I here? And where are my parents?” You asked again sharply, starting to fully regain your voice.

“Your parents are on their way here. And, uh, you’re here because… well, because…”

“Because Peter reached out to me for help when he found you. We’ve got the best and brightest working here. You’re in very good hands,” Tony interrupted.

“Yeah, exactly. Plus he offered to keep you here for free so your parents won’t have to pay any medical bills. He’s been really helpful with all of this.”

You relaxed back into your pillows, staring at Tony with a questioning look.

“Thank you, Tony,” you mumbled, not buying that that was the whole story.

“No problem. Any friend of Peter’s is a friend of mine. I should go, but Peter here will take excellent care of you. It was a pleasure to meet you, Y/N. I’m just sorry it had to be under these circumstances.”

With that, he patted Peter roughly on the shoulder, gave him a look over the rim of his glasses, and walked out the door.

“What was that about?” You questioned Peter.

“Nothing. It’s fine.”

He put both of his elbows on the edge of your bed, balling his fists together and resting them against his lips. He was thinking very hard about something.

“Peter… don’t think for one second that I’m going to give up asking about what’s going on. I’m not stupid. I know something bad happened, and I need to know what it was,” You croaked.

Peter looked into your eyes, and you could tell he knew you were right. He had to tell you, no matter how hard it was for him. He sighed loudly and got up to pull up a chair beside you.

“Okay. Uh, I don’t really know how to say this…but, uh, you were attacked. By The Vulture. Do you know who that is?”

You furrowed your eyebrows, searching your brain for any prior knowledge you had of who that could be. When you finally remembered seeing him on the news a few times, you nodded slowly.

“Spider-Man fought him a couple of times, right?”

Peter nodded at the floor, not able to look you in the eyes.

“Ned called me and said you never texted him back. He seemed really worried, so I started walking to your house to see if you were there. And then on the way I saw him… and I found you. Just laying there in an alley. I was so scared. I thought that I was too late. I thought I lost you, Y/N.”

He looked so upset that it took everything in your power not to sit up and wrap your arms around him. Instead, you rested your hand on top of his. It was all you could muster. Peter sniffled a little bit and gave you a weak smile.

“I don’t understand, Peter. What would The Vulture want with me?”

Peter looked up at you and shook his head slowly.

“I…don’t know, Y/N. I’m so sorry.”

He looked like he was almost in as much pain as you, so you intertwined your fingers with his in an attempt to comfort him further.

“Why are you sorry? This isn’t your fault, Peter.”

He smiled again, but he still looked tormented.

“I’m never going to let anything bad happen to you again,” he whispered, tightening his grip on your hand. “I promise.”

You smiled at him sleepily. Feeling your cheeks beginning to burn, you cleared your throat and released his hand.

“So…Avengers Tower, huh? Do you think you could get Black Widow to pay me a visit?”

BTS Reaction to Them Being Insecure Before Getting Intimate

GENRE: really fluffy & a tad angsty

WARNINGS: insecurities

REQUESTED: yes

A/N: i got a lil carried away, but i hope you enjoy! sorry if it’s not exactly what you wanted at times! enjoy!

MASTERLIST || PLEASE REQUEST


JIN


You reached for Jin’s top button of his shirt, and his breathing hitched. You stopped immediately, feeling as if you did something wrong. You opened your mouth to speak, but soon shut it as Jin’s large hands were placed on top of yours. You locked your eyes with his, and you noticed how zoned out he seemed. You felt your heart ache as you two stood there, wanting to know what was wrong. Jin had never stopped you, and you had never stopped him.

“The managers told me that I need to lose some weight. They want me to cut my diet down, so that’s why I’ve been cooking more healthy foods for us… I still feel as if I am not up to their standards. If they feel that way, you must too. I feel as if you will leave me if I don’t thin up.” Jin spoke quietly, only loud enough for you to hear. You lowered your hands from his chest, feeling tears welling up in your eyes. “Y/N, it’s not that big of a deal; I’ll just keep my shirt on if that’s alright—”

“Jin, you’re so small,” you croaked out, not understanding why he was seen as anything less than perfection. Jin shook his head as he placed his hands on your cheeks. He looked you in the eye, seeing the pain that those words had caused you. You couldn’t imagine being in his spot and being told that. “Please don’t lose weight, Jinnie. I don’t want to see you in an unhealthy place. If you lose weight you'll—”

“I love you,” Jin interrupted. Jin wiped the tears that left your eyes with the pad of his thumb. He nodded at you, not needing to hear the rest of what you had to say. He knew what his baby wanted, and that was the healthy version of him. “I’ll talk to them, okay? I’m sorry I brought it up.” Jin smiled faintly before connecting his lips to yours again. The returned feeling made your heart beat out of joy instead of sorrow. Jin reached his hands down to yours, placing them on his chest again.


YOONGI ( SUGA )


Yoongi’s hands would be on your thighs as you straddled him, his lips on the crook of your neck. You were already down to just your underwear, yet he was still fully dressed. Lowering your hands down to the hem of his shirt, Yoongi’s eyelids fluttered open. His eyelashes tickled your neck, and you stopped yourself there. Usually he would just help you remove his shirt, not wanting to wait much longer. This time, he removed his lips from you.

“Yoongi, did I do something?” You asked, looking him in the eye.

“N– no, you’re… you’re great,” Yoongi breathed. You could hear the pain in his voice as he took your hands in his. You would have gotten off his lap, but he held you close so you wouldn’t. He didn’t want you to leave him. “I just haven’t been with you enough. I’m always away working, and we rarely have nights like this where it’s just us.” Yoongi was never good at expressing himself, but neither were you. “I… I don’t know if I’ll be able to give you what you want.”

“Yoongi,” you squinted your eyes at him. He let out a small sigh, leaning back in the office chair you both resided on. You saw the pain in his eyes as he held onto your hands, rubbing his thumb over your skin. “Time doesn’t change how I feel about you. I don’t care if we both don’t feel satisfied; I just want to be with you. I would be just as happy sleeping with your arms locked around me.” Yoongi nodded. “Plus, name one time we did not receive a noise complaint from my neighbors or the boys.”

Yoongi chuckled, “never.”


HOSEOK ( JHOPE )


Hoseok smiled as the two of you sat on your shared bed. He had just thrown your shirt to the floor, and so far everything seemed picture perfect. Hoseok picked you up and placed you on his lap, your cheeks reddening as he did so. He loved seeing the impact he had on you, and you could help but let out a soft giggle as he tapped his fingertips against the small of your back. He grinned against your collarbones at the sound, closing his eyes. You reached down for the hem of his shirt, slowly pulling it up to tease Hobi. He kissed your collarbones.

“My stomach is kind of fat right now jagi,” Hobi stated, making you stop. You could tell with the tone in his voice that he was unhappy with his body. You could see no imperfections, and his words had surprised you. You had seen him shirtless this morning when he got out of the shower, and his abs were definitely there. Even if they weren’t, you didn’t care. Hoseok was Hoseok no matter his body, and you would love him anyway. “Baby?”

“You’re not fat,” you mumbled. Hoseok sighed softly as he lifted his head, his eyes meeting yours. He smiled at you, glancing down at your lips. “If you think you are, then you shouldn’t. Hoseok, I don’t see where you got that idea at all! I saw your abs this morning when you were getting ready. I can feel the muscles in your back!”

“You always used to praise me for my figure, and you no longer do,” Hoseok explained. You rolled your eyes.

“I thought you got bored of the same compliments I gave out,” you pressed your nose against Hobi’s. He smiled, knowing you didn’t mean to hurt him. He was beautiful no matter his size, and you didn’t have to vocalize that. “If you need me to, I’ll tell you every second of the day how much I love you. I’ll say all of the words that will change your mind. I will kiss you and assure you that your abs now are far better than what they were. Want to know why they’re better?”

“Because they’re mine, and I love them too,” Hoseok finished with what you had planned to say. You giggled, nodding. He grinned widely before throwing his shirt off, placing his lips on yours.


NAMJOON ( RAP MONSTER )


Namjoon had not been in the best mood lately, due to the constant spotlight on the two of you. Because both of you are idols, you both get hate from either sides. His seemed to be more intense than yours, and he understood why. You were gorgeous, with hair that always seemed to flow effortlessly, and a body that could stun anyone. He was lucky to call you his, and he knew you felt the same about him. You constantly told Namjoon how much you adored him, but times like this he forgot.

The words repeated in his mind as he had you pinned against the wall of your room. Your hands were tangled in his hair, which had always been his weakness. With your back arched, his only desire was to have your body covered with his kisses. He reached around to your back and began unzipping your dress, noticing how the fabric loosened on you. He placed his lips on your shoulders as he slid the straps of your dress off, allowing the fabric to fall to the floor.

You placed your hands at the waistband of his jeans, holding Namjoon close to you by his belt loops. You unbuckled his jeans, and he slid off the hoodie that he wore. You wrapped your arms around his neck with a smile, your lips connecting again. With your body pressed against his, Namjoon couldn’t help but smile. You were his everything, and he could feel your love whenever you were around. The words began to replay again, and he slowed his kiss down. You knew something was up, being able to tell easily with Namjoon.

“I love you,” you breathed as you looked Namjoon in the eye. You smiled, feeling his fingertips tap on your lower back. The words seemed to disappear with you standing in front of him. You didn’t know why he was upset, but you knew he was. Namjoon wasn’t an open book, but he had a few ripped pages on the floor. If you had to guess, it was the attention constantly on the two of you. “I wouldn’t want anyone else, Joon. I’m the lucky one, and you shouldn’t feel insecure about yourself.”

“I love you too, baby,” Namjoon smiled, and he meant every syllable.


JIMIN


You woke up early one morning, not feeling the warmth that Jimin produced beside you. Squinting your eyes open, you could vaguely see Jimin standing in the bathroom you shared. He had practice, and you knew that he got up early to get ready. He didn’t notice that you had woken up, and you watched as he pinched the skin on his stomach. He carried a frown, clearly unhappy with the skin on his stomach. He only wore a towel covering his lower half, and you knew he had just showered. He let out a sigh, running his hand through his wet hair.

“Chim, you’re not—”

“Ah,” Jimin turned around swiftly to face you. He must have saw the displeased expression on your face, because he looked down at his feet. You wanted to burst into tears then, begging for Jimin to never do that again. He self-consciously wrapped his arms around his stomach. “I was supposed to leave a few minutes ago.”

“Why haven’t you then?” You asked, sitting up. He frowned, turning towards the bathroom mirror, his back to you. You could see his muscles on his back, and you didn’t understand. “Jimin, you are tiny. What you were pinching is skin, and last time I checked, everyone has it. You don’t need to stress, oppa. I have that too.” Jimin nodded, sniffling. He turned around to face you, clearly feeling terrible now. “I love you, Jiminie.”

“I’m sorry,” a tear slipped down his cheek as he rushed towards you. Jimin sat down beside you, wrapping his arms around your waist. You hugged him tightly, kissing his bare shoulder. “You’re perfect, and I am doing what I hate you doing. You’re so beautiful, Y/N, and I’m sorry that we both are being stupid and ignoring each other’s words. I love you more than the stars in the sky, and I promise to never make you feel sad like that again.”

You then realized that you had been crying.


TAEHYUNG ( V )


Tae loved you more than anything else in his life, and he’d give up everything for you. Because of that, he often felt as if he was not good enough to be with you. He felt as if you were the most unique and fascinating person in the entire universe, and he felt lesser of himself. Whenever it came to taking any clothes off around you, he did not feel comfortable. It only got worse as your relationship hit the one year anniversary mark, and the two of you had yet to ever undress in front of each other. He wasn’t alone with his insecurities, because you felt the same.

“Tae,” you greeted him as he stood in the kitchen eating leftovers. You wrapped your arms around his waist, and his heart started beating. You two were never a pair that did much skinship besides loose cuddling. You both often wished that you had done more, but you couldn’t help it. Clinging onto Tae, that was probably the closest you had ever been to him your entire relationship, including when you two were just friends. “Good morning.”

“M– morning,” Tae stuttered, placing his free hand on top of your hands. “Do you want the rest of this? We can go get something to eat if you’d like. Or, I could ask Jin to make something for you.” Taehyung spoke quickly, clearly wanting you to let go of his waist. You took the hint, removing your arms from him. He immediately felt guilty after seeing your expression. You loved him, and he knew that you didn’t see anything wrong with him. “Baby.”

“Taehyung,” you breathed unsteadily. He saw tears brimming in your stunning eyes, and he quickly wrapped his arms around you. He shushed you before you could say anything, feeling your hands grip onto the fabric of his shirt. You didn’t want to hug him back, fearing that he would feel awful about himself again. “I’m sorry. You’re absolutely perfect and I don’t understand why you are insecure. I’m sorry I made you feel bad about yourself…”

“Shh,” Taehyung breathed. “I’ll ease up, but that means you have to too, okay?” Taehyung spoke softly, and you nodded faintly. It would be hard to get out of your habits, but you had Tae with you. “You’re the most amazing and incredible creature, and I love you, baby.”


JEONGGUK


A smile would be on your face as you sat on Kook’s lap. It would not be the first heated makeout session between you two, but this one seemed to last a lot longer than the others. He held onto your hips, his hands under the fabric of your shirt. You would lower your hands down to the hem of his shirt, knowing what was on both of your minds. You had been together for eight months, and nothing had come out of it yet. Today that would change, or at least you thought so.

“Babe,” Jungkook breathed as you broken away from him. You quickly removed your hands, knowing he was uncomfortable. Jungkook held onto your hips still, letting out a sigh. “I don’t have much experience… I don’t see why you’re the one always initiating this, because you can probably tell I’m not as good as—”

“Jungkook,” you interrupted. He tilted his head, confused. You would smile, placing your hands on either sides of his face. You would kiss the tip of his nose, a blush appearing on his cheeks. “I don’t care if you aren’t experienced. I want to be with you, and I know that you’re great already. You’re more experienced than me, so I should be the one talking about not being any good.” Jungkook chuckled, shaking his head.

“You always find a way to boost my confidence,” Jungkook stated. He took your hands in his and placed them on the hem of his shirt. “I love you.”

MASTERLIST || PLEASE REQUEST

10

The Many Faces of Victor Nikiforov - Episode 3

And we’re back with episode 3! There’s actually a lot to be said about Victor here even though the focus isn’t on him most of the time. We get to see the choreo for Eros and Agape for the first time, get some more insight in how Victor acts around people other than Yuuri, and truly get introduced to Victor the Coach for the first time.

Again, I’d like to delve into this set and look at the specific scenes chosen. I hope everyone enjoys!


We start off with the intro choreo to Agape. When I chose this gif, I found myself stuck between three different options: the intro, the close-up of him skating with his fingers steepled, and the ending. In the end, I realized it didn’t matter because I had the same thing to talk about for all of them. With the intro, we see Victor reaching out with open hands as if to bring something into himself, in the middle it seems as if he is thankful and holding something gently, and at the end he presses back out from his chest with his hands firmly clasped. If we combine this with the concept of agape – unconditional love – we can see a possible interpretation of bringing love into oneself, holding it gently, then, with a firm grasp on it, giving back. I’ll talk a bit more about the meaning of the Eros and Agape routines in respect to Victor in a few, but I still felt the choreo was interesting in the respect that it also tells a story – a story of the acceptance of outside love, of cherishing that love, and of giving it back.

The second and third gifs I’d like to first talk about as a pair. Both are from the Eros choreo, but if you look at Victor’s expressions, are almost complete opposites on the emotional spectrum. The first looks to be confident and suave, and the second looks so vulnerable and sad that I couldn’t help but wonder at the contrast. Then I thought about the story of Eros, how it tells a story of a playboy who goes after “the most beautiful woman” (I say that in quotations because there’s actually no woman in this tale, it’s actually a man stealing the heart of another man then disappearing from his sight). Then I started to question the choreo in this program, whose perspective is it being told from? In the end, I came to the conclusion that it’s both. We see the playboy at the start (the first of these two gifs) and at the end when there’s a pushing away gesture. As for the jilted man, we see him in that second of the two gifs. Victor undoubtedly gets lost in his skating and his expressions become very telling as to the emotional meaning behind the programs he’s skating.

On that note, let’s look at these two individually. The suave, seductive look at the beginning of the program to me always looks so empty. After you get past the initial heart-eyed reaction of Victor looking that way in your direction, you start to see how devoid of emotions that expression really is. What we’re actually watching is Victor’s media face in action. I feel there are a couple of reasons for this but the primary one is simply that Victor is not a playboy. He tells this story with two parts within Eros’ program, but he at heart is not and has never been a playboy. So the only way he knows how to portray something like that is through his carefully crafted image that relies entirely on the watchers being too smitten with him to catch the fact that there’s nothing of him actually in it. In most cases, it takes multiple watches of this particular Victor smile to catch it but when you see it, it’s really difficult to unsee.

On the other hand, we get the third gif of this set, where he looks so incredibly sad during the Eros choreo. If you check out Yuuri skating the exact same clip, you can see that his face is completely different (confident even), which says to me that Victor’s expression here is intentional on the side of the creative team. The reason for that? This is Victor emulating the man who was seduced and then abandoned, left with his own thoughts for three months and attempting to figure out what exactly happened the night he was (quite literally) swept off his feet. We don’t know if this expression existed at this point in the program before Victor came to Hasetsu, but the fact that this is not the face of the playboy within the story is undeniable. And the sadness we can see painted on Victor’s face is a clear indicator of how he feels in this position at this point in time. Unlike when he tries to play the part of the playboy, this role is much truer to him. We are looking at the true Victor Nikiforov, unshielded and wearing his heart on his sleeve. Truly, something that one can only see on the ice.

This fourth gif… well, I could say a lot of things, but they would mostly be stating the obvious. He’s gunning really hard for Yuuri in this moment, both (I think) because he wants Yuuri as well as because he knows Yuuri wants him. Victor isn’t as oblivious to Yuuri’s interest as Yuuri thinks (or rather, hopes) he is, even if Yuuri keeps trying to run away from it. That said, if you compare this Victor, who is actively trying to seduce Yuuri and show him “what Eros is to him” to the suave look at the start of Victor’s rendition of Eros, it brings to light just how false the look in the Eros choreo is. Because if this look here is genuine, then there’s no way that the look in the program is too.

Even though the face in this fifth gif is meant to be comedic, I can’t help but think deeply about this scene. This is the face Victor wears immediately after Yurio calls him out for saying that Agape isn’t a program where one shows off their confidence, and yet still skates it so confidently. Victor then gets asked what Agape is to him and he deflects the question back onto Yurio with an overly bright smile and a flimsy answer – “you just feel it, how am I supposed to tell you?”. What this says to me isn’t that Victor is some sort of genius, as others in-show continue to say he is, but quite the opposite (in terms of his own emotional awareness and how that comes out in his skating, anyway). Victor skates out his feelings, the same way that Yuuri does, and that always reflects into his programs. But, as we can see if we look at Stammi in episode 1 and combine it with the knowledge that he was lonely but didn’t know it, he isn’t always fully aware of the full emotional depth to these programs in regards to himself. So, if we assume that Victor’s confusion and obvious diversion mean that he doesn’t know what Agape the program means to him, then can we figure it out? I think so. There are many things that agape as a base concept could mean for Victor – it could mean Makkachin, his skating family, or his fans, among others. What I think it means, when you take in the entirety of the program’s meaning and how he skates it, is that it’s a love letter to his audience. It’s always looked to me like a complete story. Going back up to the first gif, where I described Agape as an acceptance of love and a giving back, I feel that we can apply that here. The program also feels like an all-encompassing gesture, almost like a goodbye of sorts. We can look at Eros and Agape as programs that are 2 sides of the same coin. If Eros is Victor’s struggles to move on to a new part of his life (a beginning), then Agape is his struggles to move on from his past and present (an end). So, even if Victor doesn’t realize it, I think that Agape was meant to be a goodbye to his skating career. He knew his time was coming, and while he didn’t want to let it go, he also knew it was almost time. And so, Agape was born as a way to say to his audience, “thank you for the love and support you have given me all this time”. Truly “Agape” indeed.

Returning to the comedy, this sixth gif is pretty much a clip of Victor’s suffering in action. Just earlier that week he shoved his face right up in Yuuri’s, got the guy all flustered, and asked him what Eros meant to him. And the answer that Yuuri came to was food. FOOD. Not only does Victor know that this isn’t what Yuuri’s Eros actually is (he knows it’s him), it doesn’t even make sense to the story of the program. From a more outside perspective, sure, food can make sense if you only look at the written definition for desire, but on a conceptual level, what Eros as a program truly embodies, katsudon couldn’t make any less sense. Unfortunately, there’s not much more Victor can do other than scream internally about Yuuri’s obtuseness to the entire concept of sexuality that seems to only exist when he’s sober.

Or he can go drown his frustrations in alcohol, which is what he ends up doing. Throwing his responsibilities for the night out the window, he decides that drinking until dawn is the best way to come to terms with his current situation. As comedic as this scene is initially played out to be, it actually brings up a serious underlying issue. When Victor doesn’t know what to do with his emotions, or he feels lost, he drowns his sorrows in alcohol. Whether he even realizes he’s doing this, we can’t know for sure because he’s never mentioned it himself but I worry both for his kidney and his mental health that this seems to not just be a one-off occurrence but a habit. Even if you factor in the possible use of the Russians being heavy drinkers stereotype, the fact that Victor is shown drinking every night since he arrives in Hasetsu and then goes off to get smashed after getting ignored (yet again) by Yuuri before proceeding to coach with a hangover in the middle of an intense training week doesn’t speak well to how he processes his unpleasant emotions and situations.

The third to last choice is a gif, even if it’s not moving. I chose this still image shot specifically because it presents us a view of Victor with a very uniquely complicated expression and none of the other shots of him during this scene really portray how far into his own head he is in this moment. I feel that this is Victor when he realizes he’s at a crossroads in his life and there’s nothing more he can do to affect the outcome. He’s taking a moment before he needs to go out and judge both Yuris’ skating to consider what either result will mean for him. On one hand, if Yurio outperforms Yuuri, which Victor at this point know is the most probable given what he’s seen over the last week, then he will need to give up on the spark of hope he felt from the banquet, the viral Stammi video, and saw in Yuuri himself when he accepted Eros. Victor would return to Russia, to the place that he felt was suffocating him, as a coach and not even a skater. He knows that his heart doesn’t want this, even if his logical mind knows that if Yuuri can’t perform to his potential then it’s what he’s promised to both of them. For Yuuri, the only way he could outperform Yurio would be to show Victor that spark that was shown within the viral video, to reawaken the side of himself that he showed Victor at the banquet, and to channel the confidence he had when he was first assigned Eros and demanded Victor stay if he won. For Victor to get the outcome he wants, Yuuri is going to need to pull out all the stops and show to the world (or at least those watching this ice show) the potential that Victor has seen only in small spurts so far. Looking forward from there, Victor knows that working with Yuuri isn’t going to be straightforward, but it’s still what his heart desires. He knows he has a bias, but as much as Yurio yells about Victor breaking a promise by coming to Japan (he didn’t, he still choreographed a debut program for him), he is still a man of his word and will go back to Russia if Yuuri can’t show Victor right here and now that that spark still exists. In light of all that, it’s no wonder Victor foregoes the pep talks during the warm-ups!

This second to last gif was the moment that spawned a world of controversy when this episode first aired. There were many people who initially found it hard to believe that Victor could take a situation involving Yuuri this seriously, but now that we’ve learned so much more about him, we can look at this scene a lot more critically. The thing that stands out to me the most is Victor’s honesty. Yuuri confides to Victor, through his actions more than his words, that he’s anxious but is swallowing down that emotion for the sake of showing Victor that he is all that Victor has seen in him. That he can perform up to Victor’s standards. And Victor takes this seriously and honestly. Victor does care about Yuuri, on every level that this question could imply. Yuuri wasn’t looking for a response when he admitted his worries to Victor through seeking out a comfort hug but he got one anyway. Victor reassured Yuuri on a deeper level than just “I’m looking forward to your skating”. He was assured that Victor is there for more than that, as well as for more than flirting, but for Yuuri as an entire individual. And Victor wants nothing more in this moment than to see Yuuri succeed. Victor does still want to stay in Japan, and he lets Yuuri know this through the exact words he uses – a direct response to Yuuri’s wish for if he wins, to continue eating katsudon with Victor. As tough as Victor has had it since he got to Japan, he still doesn’t want to leave. And I think this is exactly what Yuuri needed in that moment; honesty, and the reassurance that his feelings were reciprocated.

This last gif is one of the first real glimpses we get of Victor the Coach. Even at this early point, we can attribute his pat on the back then instant critique way of greeting Yuuri as he came off the ice as an emulation of the coaching style that he has had used with himself for years. Victor would have definitely seen how other coach and skater pairs interacted, but the only real long-lasting experience he’s had with a coach has been with Yakov. We know from watching the show that Victor’s coaching style evolves (and quite rapidly) to suit Yuuri’s needs but it’s fascinating to see where he begins, and how confused he is when it very obviously doesn’t work with his student.


That ended up becoming a lot longer than I initially planned but it turns out I had a lot of thoughts, especially concerning Victor’s portrayal and interpretations of Eros and Agape. If you got this far then I hope you enjoyed and if the wall of text was too much then I still hope you liked the gifset regardless! Thanks for reading! :)

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12]

Bonus because I can never get enough of Victor skating:

Hellborn - Chapter 1

Genre: Smut; Angst; Demon!AU, Dom!Jimin, Sex Slave!AU

Word count: 6282

“The things I’m going to do to you are going to be the opposite of sweet and gentle. I’ll hit, bite, slap and scratch. You’ll be begging me for mercy. Begging me to give you your sweet release. Begging me to stop…Begging me to let you go…” He smirked a devilish, evil smirk. “But I won’t. Because from now on, you are my property…” You saw him snap his fingers before everything turned black.

Keep reading

Possession

Summary: Dean wants Cas to possess him.

Warning: consensual angel possession, masturbation (sort of?), smut

Word Count: 1250ish

A/N: This was requested by @caerulaen. It’s not exactly what you wrote, but I hope you enjoy it just the same! XOXO

“I’ve said yes a hundred times, Cas.”

“I know. I just want to make sure that you’re-“

“Comfortable,” Dean interrupts. “I know. You want to make sure I’ve thought it through and all. I have. Just come on. I ain’t getting’ younger here.”

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