i really don't know why i do this to myself tbh

how I see the signs and what I want them to know
  • (side note - View of a Virgo rising, Leo sun in the 12th, Libra moon in 2nd, mercury Cancer in 11th, venus Leo in 12th, mars Leo in 11th)
  • Aries: was once my best friend, she made literally everything in my life brighter and always helped me to just enjoy things and stop worrying all the time. Also great hugs. Just simply has that energy, wherever it may be - physically, mentally, staying up until you binge watched that show, giving you their last money so you can get yourself something to eat before you starve to death, always down for a talk and a walk even if they had a packed schedule. Please don't miss out on times when you just have to take a day off to get your beautiful and strong energy back. I care about your health so please don't forget to eat properly and don't miss out on that quality time if needed.
  • Taurus: a girl from my drama class and my little sisters moon sign, I am just so in love with your sense for aesthetic. Total sunshines. I feel like I can always rely on you, super compassionate and knows how to make you feel comfortable when youre not. I love that when you have a goal in your mind, you will give your everything to achieve that! Also so humble but like I want you so desperately to know how beautiful I think you are!! I enjoy your company a lot. Please don't be afraid of changes, I know that's such a mainstream thing to write for Taurus but I really do believe that maybe sometimes you need to be reminded that life can also begin at the end of your comfort zone.
  • Gemini: a guy and a girl from biology class, I am literally stunned at how much these people know. Eloquent fluffballs. I could listen to you spreading knowledge 24/7, make great jokes in my opinion and just kind of knows... everyone?? Get along with so many people, can be very chill but also full of energy when they're talking about things they are interested in. Also fun-fact kings and queens. Please remind yourself to stay loyal to your true friends, you may know many people with whom you get along with so well and for sure everyone is intersting in their own way, but it's very possible to feel lonely in a crowd. Your closest friends will always get you out of that and help you, I promise.
  • Cancer: a close friend of mine, literally the most caring person I've ever met. Actual comedians. I don't know I just straight up fell in love with your humour. All the Cancers I know have or had some extreme physical problems going on, please get well soon if you read this and you're also not feeling well. Mentally on the next level, strong and kind of unbreakable. Don't hide their feelings because they just know that when you bottle up your feelings it's never going to end well. They just get you and will be there for you no matter what. Please take care of yourself just as well as you do with your friends and family, you are a true blessing and it's definitely okay to rant or cry or just let it all out.
  • Leo: my english teacher and a guy I used to be close with, very often completely misunderstood and taken for granted, which can lead to unhealthy behaviour. Will make you feel great after a plain shit day. I strive to be this talented at just expressing myself or being confident, even if you just want the world to think you are confident when you're actually not. Cuddly queens and kings. Better not hurt their pride because it took them a lot of time to actually get to that level and in a world where people hate on you for loving yourself, to them it feels like, despite all their work, they are not worth of loving themselves. Please don't forget that although sometimes it's hard to look in the mirror and like what you see, there are caring and warm-hearted people who love you just the way you are.
  • Virgo: a girl in my class I simply adore, I always annoy you with my endless compliments. Kind of just in love with these down-to-earth and sweet people. Either super chill or worried a lot, I wish I could just hug you until you feel less stressed. Smol but strong beans you can learn a lot from. So reliable, I actually hate doing group projects and always want to do everything myself but since you share that opinion we created something I was really proud of and now we always do them together. Please remember that passion is something you shouldn't be ashamed of, you simply don't have to be because it's something you love and your needs are valid. Also dreaming big, it's possible, especially for you so why not?
  • Libra: a girl I recently got to know and am already completely amazed by, literal social butterflies who sometimes only know in hindsight how much they enjoyed the company of someone because they adapt so easily and it's rare to find someone where you can just simply be yourself. Love how they view life and that they make me want to talk more. Very open and you never feel excluded because they just know how to include everyone. Please don't forget to remind yourself who you truly are and not to lose yourself in another person, because there really is only one you no matter how good you are at adapting to literally every social situation, you are amazing and I want you to be comfortable as well.
  • Scorpio: my dad and my ex boyfriend's mom, two very caring peole in their own way. I always love how sharp their sarcasm can be. Can comfort extremely well when they want to. So many secrets and things to know about them that I can lose myself in them wanting to explore whats actually behind their shell. Teaches you life lessons. Please don't forget that humans aren't flawless and that's completely okay. You don't have to hold onto old grudges, communication is key and talking about these things, confronting these people who did you wrong will help you grow as a person.
  • Sagittarius: an old friend of mine, very cute people who get interested in so many things and they are so versatile and adventurous I absolutely love their lively nature. Memes™. Total dorks you can fall for in a second. Are actually the best partners to just talk to about anything because they will be interested and share their opinion with you. Please remind yourself that cutting off people can be a very wise decision and you don't have to keep up with everyones shit if that's just not what you're in for.
  • Capricorn: I am literally so attracted to these people it's unreal, although I kind of always think that they don't like me...... anyways, my bigger twin sisters are caps and they are humble souls who really had to fight for a lot in life sadly. So proud of you. Keep up with the hard work, you really deserve everything. So realistic and pure I have heart eyes. Supportive and extremely loyal. Will stand up for you if you need it. Straight face™ but still manages to make even the most serious people laugh. Please remind yourself to not overdo it with the work, take a day off to relax and let yourself go maybe, even if it's hard - with the right people you don't ever have to be afraid of being yourself.
  • Aquarius: my ex boyfriend whom I had a crush on for like 4 years, teached me great life lessons. Will always have a weakness for aquas, they just attract me so much, how much of a fluffy dork can you be tbh? Capacity of acceptance is incredible. So much fun to be with. Are kind of just good at everything? You can talk to them about anything, it won't feel weird, they won't question it and just talk to you about that topic. So friendly, an underrated trait in my opinion, just complete and simple friendliness you enjoy to the fullest. Please remind yourself to let people not only see your amazing shell but also your stunning core, there are people who love to talk about the same things you love and nothing about you is weird, you are special and I absolutely love it.
  • Pisces: a very sweet guy I've been texting with for the past months, very open minded and also have that sensitivity I strive to have. Very inspirational smol puppy. Actual daydreamers™, may be late to school but love deeply and would never neglect your love. Kind of hate almost everything that's planned out? (I'm sorry I just love to plan things out) will hug you no matter what. Does not fear to dream big, is very talented at artsy stuff in my opinion. Please don't forget that even if it seems hard, and yes our school system is kind of very bad,we get to have that education and your dreams will be reality if you work hard enough to achieve them. You have so much potential, please don't ever waste it.

anonymous asked:

what about the stairs in the forests!!! and what doc were you watching and would you recommend?

ok so I DON’T BELIEVE IN THE STAIRS IN THE FORESTS! mainly because I’m A Search and Rescue Officer for the U.S. Forest Service, and I Have Some Stories to Tell a) is posted on /r/nosleep so it’s definitely made up, b) the op admits to knowing about David Paulides, and lbr knowing about = being influenced by, so it’s definitely made up, and c) if you read all the way through to the end it stops being even vaguely believable and starts reading like a WTNV transcript, and then he plugs his book, so it’s DEFINITELY MADE UP. however, it is an amazing (read: terrifying) thread, some of it is obviously based on truths/insider SAR knowledge which means a lot of it is probably uncomfortably close to actually being true, and it’s a good Gateway Read into MISSING PEOPLE IN NATIONAL PARKS CONSPIRACY THEORIES, which is where I live now. (plus, if you read this before getting into anything else it imbues every single missing persons case with an unsettling sense of Eldritch horror, which is why I had to turn on three overheads and unfocus my eyes all the way to the bathroom last night at 2am.) 

so yeah, after reading that /r/nosleep thing for the first time I drew a line under it and moved on until SOMEONE (ahem@roundtop) sent me a link to an article called How 1,600 People Went Missing from Our Public Lands Without a Trace (on a legit and sensible outdoorsy people website), like ‘haha, stairs in the forest!’ and I SWAN DIVED DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE. thus: the documentary-watching, staying up till 2am and spending all day today trying to find copies of David Paulides’ books for less than $80 inc. postage. 

THIS DUDE DAVID PAULIDES. he was in law enforcement before, for some reason, deciding to become a ~*~cryptozoologist~*~ and certified gung-ho Bigfoot conspiracy theorist, and through that found out about how many people had disappeared without a trace from National Parks in the U.S., did 7,000 hours worth of digging, and wrote a bunch of books about it. his books are called Missing 411 and are about the ridiculous number of people who go missing in National Parks, the usually weird circumstances around their disappearances, the fact that when people are found (dead or alive) it’s often in places miles and miles and sometimes waaaaay higher up mountains than where they disappeared from, and all sorts of creepy crap to boot. like they can’t get bloodhounds to find a scent, or they find tiny children miles away from where they got lost, barefoot, without a scratch on the soles of their feet, human remains being found years later in places that were search dozens and dozens of times. not to mention the National Parks… People (? I really don’t know enough to be making this post) are aware of what’s happening but don’t keep a list of the people who’ve gone missing on their lands. 

(which is all part of why I’m A Search and Rescue Officer for the U.S. Forest Service is so freaky – enough of it (people being found miles away, kids being found up mountains, the people in charge being cagey about it all) sounds real that you can believe it was actually written by a SAR Officer. heebies!) 

it’s all real nightmare fuel, if you’re the sort of person who is absolutely terrified by all this Scary Forest Disappearing People Unexplainable Deaths stuff, i.e. me. luckily I can’t afford to buy any of them! phew! however, I haven’t let that stop me from a) SCARING MYSELF SHITLESS and b) BECOMING A TIN HATTER, and it shouldn’t stop you either: you can read loads of stuff over at /r/missing411, listen to one of his initial interviews (in which he talks about how he was approached by two park employees in plain clothes who were like ‘please investigate this, there’s SOMETHING going on and it’s so goddamn weird’) on Coast to Coast AM (which is, like, a paranormal radio station… I’m sorry), watch a bunch of Paulides’/CanAm Missing Project’s vids about disappearances on youtube, and listen to hours worth of interviews and late night spooky radio/podcast discussions with Paulides. 

the documentary I thought I was watching was Missing 411, which is based on his books and Kickstarted by the public in 2015, but it turns out that they’re apparently shopping it around at festivals so it’s not out yet. what I was actually watching (and quickly abandoned) was a weird supercut of all of David Paulides’ tv interviews and some cryptozoologist chatter about Bigfoot. Paulides, god love him, never ever SAYS Bigfoot in any of his books, and everything he presents is 100% factually accurate and extensively researched, but… I think we can safely say he thinks it’s Bigfoot. tbh, after reading about Jaryd Atadero I think it’s Bigfoot. I mean, goddamn. 

so, yeah. I’ve finished reading every search and rescue story on this blog (Hunt for the Death Valley Germans is LONG but awesome), I’ve got West of Memphis ready to watch after work tomorrow because I remembered how much I love that case and spooky true crime things, if you have any related LINKS or STUFF about This Shit then REBLOG THIS/MSG ME AND TELL ME, or if you have a copy of a Missing 411 book you wouldn’t mind mailing to me then LET ME KNOW, and in conclusion I can’t believe America is so fucking huge and unkind, goodnight.

Pentagon Reaction to you usually being cute but having a sexy performance on stage

A/N: I'm sorry if this is not good I hope you like and the request are still open srry for the delay also                                                                                  **************************************************************************************

Hui: Tbh he was busy judging your singing to notice your performance       Backstage after your performance: *lecturing you about your singing*

Hui: Hey y/n you did a great job out but during your solo you were a little off key, so I am going to coach from now on.

You: *thinking back to the last time he tried to coach you and the huge fight you got into and stop talking to each other for like a month*                  “you know I think it would be best if I do this myself it could help me grow as a singer” 

You make up some random excuse so you guys don't have to go through that again.

Originally posted by jniho

Jinho: Hein be would be giggling and laughing because he felt awkward, he had never seen this side of you before.

Kino: You’re really enjoying the performance, huh? *weird look*

Jinho: No this is just weird; do you think it’s weird? 

Originally posted by definitelythis

Hongseok: He would just be really confused

“She was doing agyeo like 2 minutes ago,. Does she have a split personality?” 

Originally posted by madtwn

Shinwon: He is actually enjoying the performance and he is happy to see a different side of you. He’s is also happy that you are comfortable with the concept and you don’t feel uncomfortable.

Originally posted by won-an

Yanan: *gif* he is just so cute ahhhhhhhhh!

Originally posted by yeo1

Yeo One: He would just be questioning everything and he doesn't get how he never saw how sexy you are.

*in his head* “What is happening? What is she wearing? has she always been this sexy and I've never noticed? Am I not a good boyfriend? What is life even?”

Originally posted by neweraidols

Yuto: Honestly he did realize it was you up there until tour solo came on and he recognized your voice.

Originally posted by jjaebs

E’Dawn: Like Hongseok he would be really confused.

E’Dawn: *babbling to himself* “Why is she like this? She was just making me look at cat videos with her. Now I feel like I am watching one of Hyuna subnae’s performances.”

Originally posted by 94dawn

Wooseok: Y/N are you gonna dress like that all the time now. Well, I already intimidate a lot of guys with my height so you could if you want to but I want the old y/n back.

to say the least you would have to spend the next hour explain that this was just a concept and you were really changing.

Originally posted by woozeok

Kino: Dancing along to your performance and actually really enjoying it.

“That's my girl!”

Originally posted by j-1-n-h-0

anonymous asked:

Tbh I still love Sherlock. It's still the most important thing in my life. It's still the show that saved me when I didn't know how to cope. It helped me to understand my own sexuality and I can't really see myself letting it go.I'm still part of the TJLC fandom and I can think about season 4 and laugh about it. But I'm bitter. I feel like a fool, I don't understand why things are like this. Why is the writing so embarassing?They owe us some explanation but we'll never get it. I'll keep believin

Hi Nonny!

*HUGS* To be honest, Sherlock and its fandom saved me as well, and I love it to pieces. As I’ve stated before, like you it’s helped me discover myself, and I just will forever love this show because of it. And there are some aspects of S4 that I think are phenomenal, so it’s not a complete embarrassment. 

But the writing, what the hell happened? This show, in past seasons, was a critical darling in the media; they loved it, but even they are aware of the flaws of S4 and they only pay attention on the surface level of the story, so that says a lot about the fuckery of it. It’s okay to feel bitter about it, I can understand completely. Sadly I don’t think we will ever get an explanation for what we received, but that seems to be the norm for us as of late (that or bullshit excuses). But as I’ve said numerous times, Mofftiss can’t take the fandom from any of us; it’s still a wonderful place of amazing people who continue to make this show the story it should have been. I too will keep believing; for me that entails that one day the true story WILL be told about John and Sherlock, and someone will finally be the first to do it. I am sad that this series wasn’t that show, but I think it will happen in our lifetime.

anonymous asked:

You are one of the only people I could find that still really believe destiel could become canon. I'd LOVE for that to happen, but I mean... We've had much more obvious romantic storylines between Dean and Cas before (looking at you season 8), and they still didn't make it canon. I'm really hoping you're right about this, but I don't see why it would happen this season


Well, I follow quite a few people who I believe are pretty positive about canon Destiel, but I think the important thing to most of us (including me) is that it is clear to us that the story is there, that we are not making it up.

Whether they decide to follow through on what has been laid down in the text and on screen is another matter and while I am cautiously positive I also am not deluding myself that it is a certainty.

Personally, I don’t have a lot of knowledge of the production side, but from what I can tell since Dabb took over (I believe officially since s12 but really since mid s11) the Dean/Cas story has really ramped up and I can’t believe anyone would be so stupid as to ramp this up without following through at this point. It has already been a PR disaster for the show, Supernatural is the no 1 show that comes up on google when you search ‘queerbaiting’, the fandom is divided, it is a controversial subject. Why would you even touch it with a barge pole let alone increase the subtext and lead it even into the text at this point?

TBH I got to early season 11 feeling like they had decided not to follow through and it was only with the Casifer / Dean’s reaction / Sam’s reaction to Dean story that I started to sit back up and think hang on, I feel like there’s been a turning point in TPTB here and then found out the showrunner had changed? And now we have a whole host of new writers too, under this showrunner, who when he writes, writes AMAZING DESTIEL EPISODES. So perhaps I’m reading too much into it but as this is how I felt at the time it felt like it was kind of obvious to me?

Listing my favourite episodes recently I realised many of them are written by Dabb. Most of these are extremely heavy on Destiel (either between them or by paralleling them with canon couples), so I feel like Dabb gets it and is working towards this as endgame.

So, mid s11 onwards made me sit up and notice this again. Now the story so far this season has heavily rested on focusing on the emotional side of the characters (as Dabb said it would).

With Dean it focuses on the dropping of his façade and his wanting to be honest, also letting go of his brother and letting him grow up. With Sam its his self forgiveness arc and his misunderstanding of his brother. With Mary it’s the guilt. With Cas it’s his sense of belonging and family.

Meanwhile we have whole Cas-centric episodes resting on stories about Angels loving Humans, the whole Lucifer arc rests on the result of ‘love’ between Angels and Humans. The whole BMOL arc rests on (dis)honesty. The honestly arc for Dean, the love arc for Cas - these are things they didn’t have to have the whole season focusing on repeatedly, nearly every damn episode!

Do I think they’ll end this season in each others arms kissing and declaring their undying love to each other? Hell no. I believe in endgame Destiel. In the meantime it’s gonna be painful. Because that’s how narratives like this work and that’s how this show works. But I will be surprised if it’s not endgame given everything we have now seen since mid s11 and the choices they have made regarding their story.

Am I right? Who knows! We shall see!

Honestly though, joking aside, but also in no way to I expect it, I just really want this for this season finale as Cas gets dragged off to I don’t know where ;)

Originally posted by watchthebeesandfish

anonymous asked:

"Namjoon is a genius and namjoon is in the top tier of kpop rappers." How so? I don't disagree, I just want to hear some Namjoon appreciation.

me: loves this ask

me: takes 8 years to respond

im sorry i took forEVER to respond pal! i wanted to do this justice and ive been hella busy


1) lets look at the obvious first; the reception of various rappers and the general rap community

  • Warren G: “Even though I wasn’t able to understand his lyrics completely, I can say that it was really good. The flow, the style and his rhythm are all very good.” and “When listening to Rap Monster’s songs, it sounds a bit like me or Snoop Dogg rapping over the beats to what we’ve made.” AND “If I comment from an artist and a producer point of view, Rap Monster is one of the best rappers I know. The way he delivers his rap is outstanding.” (me: *chokes*)
  • Tiger JK: called namjoon “the industry junior who changed his preconceptions about idols.”
  • SPIN Review: “With smartly snagged instrumentals from Run the Jewels and Big K.R.I.T., a cameo from Tech N9ne sidekick Krizz Kaliko, and surprisingly sturdy hooks on the piano-bar blues “Life” and the hammering standout single “Do You,” Kim Namjoon actually stands a chance of making a dent in the States.”
  • XXL Mag: “Rap Monster rarely fails to live up to his name. The Ilsan, South Korea-raised rapper is one of the region’s most dexterous rappers, capable of switching flows effortlessly as he glides across an array of diverse instrumentals.”
  • DJ Booth (Lucas G): “I really like the balance between rapping in Korean and rapping in English. If the project was all in Korean, I’m not sure I could have connected with him but by mixing the two languages together he provides the listener with a brand new experience; I don’t feel like a passive listener. Shit even when he’s rapping in Korean, I can still feel his words. He’s got a hunger and an excitement that can be felt in any language.”
  • Tony Jones: “Rap Monster can outrap any rapper” (tbh not super relevant but i had to include it bc its so cute)
  • i highkey feel like there is more but rn im functioning on half my brain cells rip

2) lyrics; this is really important to me. lots of ppl pick rappers off of their beats and how lit they are.. THIS ISN’T RAPPING. if yall want lit beats tune into the producer or just listen to trap. that’s not what rap is about. 

lyrics are CRAZY important! and like, diss and bragging lyrics are such a sidebar. if you can only diss and brag I’m sorry but you aren’t worth shit lol.

here in my opinion are some of his best lyrics (READ THIS SHIT! YALL PLEASE)

  • “the thing that redeemed me too, the things that pushed into me - the distant precipice and everything, that’s all me - foolish humanity, you too can become gods - hold your head straight and try, a saint’s smile - Jesus’ footsteps, Allah’s prayers - even until Maria’s love, all of it is inside you - this is unconditional redemption and unconditional belief” (God Rap)
  • “I live to understand the world - But the world didn’t once understand me” (Always)
  • “these people who clamor for respect with their own mouths - even they don’t know the misjudgments of those words - freedom and self-indulgence, they’re obviously different” (Do You)
  • “if you look less at wits, there are a lot of things that change - you were born as a hero, why are you trying to become a slave? - “because it hurts, it’s youth” - that kind of definition is the biggest problem - in life a genre is a trap, just like music - because you become an idiot as soon as you’re tied down there - fuck that.” (Do You)
  • “every night inside me I quietly fight with myself - my heart pounds, my colleagues stab me in the back - while saying that I became a moron after joining a company- yeah fuck you I’m an idol, yeah yeah I’m an idol - at one time I hated it but now I love to get that title” (Awakening)
  • “I thought I could catch the mirage known as happiness - but the me in front of my desk wasn’t happy even for a moment - without my mom knowing, I put a sheet of white paper between the pages of my workbook - my identity that I wrote down matched to the drum and bass - a different, relaxed feeling compared to when I got my report card” (Voice)
  • “do you know the reality that there’s no shadow in the fire? - then will I become the fire or will I become the light, that’s my question - so if I become the light then in the daylight, then the darkness - closes his eyes when it’s bright and when others sleep, opens his eyes again - even though I felt suffering I thank you” (God Rap)
  • “life is more beautiful knowing that we’ve taken a loan on death - even light is treasured more when there’s darkness - the sunshine appears after we’ve passed through the storm” (Life)
  • “but the thing that we all learned at some point was how - to step on someone, to catch them, to erase them, to hate them - fuck all the peace and love, I know that that’s the natural enemy of success - that’s too obvious” (Life)
  • “everything can coexist, positive and negativity - the thing that guides me and this world is ultimately those two’s synergy - all wanderings related to existence, sometimes until they’re chaotic - even those moments now seem lovable - if you’re confused about what is right and what is wrong - what makes me want to live again, think about it” (I Believe)
  • OK SO LIKE THESE ARE DISS LYRICS BUT YALL BETTER KNOW THIS IS SOME OF THE MOST SAVAGE SHIT IVE EVER HEARD: “Even if you don’t like me, you know me - I like hate comments more than no comments - I DON’T KNOW YOU - BUT YOU KNOW MY NAME” (Cypher 4
  • credit to btstrans for lyrics

3) delivery…  every rapper has their own style and namjoon for sure has great fucking delivery omg (that voice tho). in terms of pure flow i have three fav songs…

Awakening: the song that made me a Rap Monster fan (way before I knew what kpop was). The intensity and emotion in his voice still gives me chills.

Joke: his vocal control, his phrase stylization, his ability to spit so flawlessly with like no air… Joke is ALL about flow

P.D.D.: so chill… but the way he raps still draws in the listener; this is partially due to the natural depth and beauty of his voice, but a lot of it is in the energy his delivery has, even when it’s relaxed as fuck. namjoon raps like he’s telling a story, and the rise and fall of his voice is perfectly responsive and sensitive to his lyrics.

4) live stages! his lives are great. i won’t say they’re perfect, but they are still awesome and he always gets hype as FUCK and gets the audience into it

What Am I To You: i literally get so fucking emotional. dont debate this with me, this is honestly his best live stage ever. fucking flawless.

Do You: you see me bopping to this shit in my home? im getting fucking hyped yall as i write this

OKAY BOO BOO HOPE YOU LIKED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!! comment/reblog with what you think makes Namjoon an amazing rapper!!

as always, if you think im wrong, pls message me ;)

anonymous asked:

Hi! Thanks for all the work you do maintaining this blog. Can I ask about life under and shortly after Don't Ask Don't Tell? Also, I had a look through your discharge posts, but I wasn't entirely sure - how would a soldier be discharged if they were outed under DADT?

Thank you very much!

I enlisted shortly before DADT was officially repealed, (which was September 2011, though they were working on repealing it in 2010) so I only had to deal with it officially for about a year, although it would be three years before I actually came out to anyone nonetheless. 

It’s hard to explain being enlisted under DADT. I wasn’t entirely sure what would invoke DADT’s wrath, whether they had to have proof or whether just not acting hetero enough was sufficient grounds for an investigation.

I was only 19 and my sexuality was sorta w/e and I didn’t even call myself bisexual at the time because I was going through my “I don’t like labels” phase, but I got really paranoid really fast. I’m still super paranoid about looking or sounding stereotypically “queer.” I used to write fanfiction and I worried that somehow the government was powerful enough to track me down through my deleted work. I even restricted my porn to het only because I didn’t want people finding gay porn on my laptop.

Sometimes while I was bored in the field or at work, I’d write slash fic in a notebook and then either burn it or flush it down a toilet so no one would find it. I remember losing such a notebook once and freaking the fuck out thinking that someone would eventually find it and read it and KNOW, but then again my handwriting is terrible and the worst that came of it was some asshole drew dicks on the sketches I’d made (why ARE straight dudes obsessed with dicks???). I guess I’m sorta lucky I’m bi, if you wanna call it lucky, ‘cause at least I wasn’t completely faking my sexuality; I was just omitting part of it.

I actually knew a guy who was ballsy enough to be “openly” gay (or as openly as was possible at the time) and he even had “the voice.” I worry he thought I was a homophobe because being around him made me uncomfortable; I was convinced “they” were gonna come for him one day and I didn’t want to get roped into it. He was a nice guy though, don’t think he ever got kicked out (somehow). 

In basic training if we hadn’t fucked up during the week, on Sundays they let us have our phones for an hour to call our parents and tell them we aren’t dead. Shortly before leaving for basic training I actually had met a guy (on World of Warcraft, no less) and we’d been flirting, and he was still texting me while I was in basic which gave me like a million anxieties, because my phone was in my drill sergeants’ possession and like all they would have to do is just start going through it, and it was an old phone so it didn’t even have a password lock or anything. Nothing ever came from it, of course. Never texted him again actually; kinda feel bad about it.

The thing is that like, for me in 2011, there wasn’t a witch hunt or anything. DADT was on its way out at that point. It’s not like people were breathing down my neck trying to trip me up. I’m lucky I joined so late in the game because it was a lot worse back in the day. But still, it just felt more suffocating than in the real world, especially because when I first enlisted I intended to serve my full 20 years and it terrified me thinking that my entire life career could be ruined because someone found a Digimon fanfic I wrote when I was eleven. 

For me, most of my stress about DADT came from not knowing what was wrong, and the rest of my stress came from the constant paranoia and worrying about which aspect of my personality was grounds for dismissal. tbh this probably helped set the groundwork for me becoming the agoraphobic neurotic depressed anxiety-ridden loser I am today.

You might consider reading this post from a few days ago regarding how people might try to kick one out for DADT. If you have a more specific question, you can always ask again! Hopefully this post answers your question and isn’t just me rambling.

Edit: life after DADT for me was the same as before: say nothing, hope nobody notices you. At that point it was just easier to keep my head down, partially because there was a major election coming up in 2012 and for all I knew they were going to repeal the repeal.


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anonymous asked:

(1/5) Hi, I have some questions about real person shipping, and I hope you can help me out. I used to be an antishipper (not involved in discourse, just quietly thinking that some ships are bad/harmful) but reading the arguments of you and others has helped me changed my mind since then - people can do with fictional character whatever they want cause you can’t hurt fictional characters. But I still don't get how shipping real people and writing fics about them is okay.

Some context- I’m ace, somewhat sex repulsed and a csa survivor. The thought that anyone (who is not a partner who knows and respects my boundaries) could think about me in a sexual context makes me incredibly uncomfortable, to the point where I never wear any revealing clothes, even if I’d like to because they’re pretty or it’s just really hot outside, so I don’t „encourage“ people to think of me as hot or sexy. Knowing that if I was a celebrity, there might be people who write porn involving me makes me physically sick to think about. Now, I’m not a celebrity, but I can’t help but think that there is no way of knowing if a certain celebrity feels the same way - they might be sex repulsed, ace or a survivor, and even if they’re not -isn’t writing smut about them still some form of involving someone in a sexual context without their consent? (Even if they might never know about it.) It just feels incredibly invasive. (Tbh, I’m also uncomfortable with people fantasising about others without their consent - when I had a crush on my friend, I never allowed myself to fantasise about more than holding hands and hugging, both things we’d already sometimes do platonically. But I realise this is getting close to thought policing, something I really don’t want to do, so I just try not to think about that.) (5/5) I really don’t want to be judgemental, but I can’t help feeling that with shipping real people you can also hurt real people. Maybe you can help me understand why it’s not as bad as it seems to me?

Apologies for answering so late, have had a hell of a lot on my plate recently. 

First, I get where you’re coming from, I really do. I also have a very complex relationship with sex and sexuality and everything that surrounds it, also due to abuse during childhood (I have stretches of time when I can be accurately described as ‘oversexed’ and am naturally kinky, but there are also times when I can’t bear to be touched or looked at with any kind of desire. As you can imagine, it’s caused quite a few problems in my relationships, over the years).

One place where we differ, however (and I worry about being able to reach consensus, specifically because mine is an almost completely opposite view of the world) is the fact that I take a very firm stance on my various personal issues being specifically that – personal. This means that it’s not obligatory for the rest of the world to shape itself around me and my particular needs, save for what is already accepted as common social courtesy – making sure that the environment and the available tools are structured in such a way that I can simply not deal with whatever I can’t handle. This is, fundamentally, more so than the ‘fictional people aren’t real’ thing, what stands at the crux of my displeasure with the whole anti thing (well, this and the fact that the whole thing is incredibly authoritarian in nature, but I’ve talked about that before). I can understand that others see this differently and sympathize with their position, but that always firmly stops at ‘and this is why one mustn’t do X or Z’ arguments. 

As far as real-people-fiction and shipping is concerned, I’ve always been of the opinion that it’s not something problematic if common-sense and common courtesy are respected. Meaning: 

  • keeping it firmly away from the people it depicts (something that youngsters in fandom these days have a clear problem actually doing)
  • understanding that one is working with a ‘public persona’, rather than an exact image of the individual in question
  • tagging it for who wants to avoid RPF 
  • limiting its distribution (the best example for this last point is AO3′s ability to make certain fics show only to logged-in users, something that most of the other RPF writers I know have turned on by default)
  • being able to treat it as a fictional exercise and separating it from reality (meaning no bloody temper tantrums that Band Member So-and-So is dating a woman, instead of Band Member Such-and-Such!)

I go a bit farther and write fics focused mostly on people who are no longer with us, usually by a difference or a few decades, specifically to ensure that the person in question never accidentally runs into the thing, even with all precautions. 

What really baffles me, in all this recent shouting against RPF on here, is that we’re not talking about some recent social aberration or whatever else along those lines. The common people writing fictive narratives about the beautiful, the notorious, the rich and powerful, is as old as the written word. Hell, as old as spoken language, I’d argue – the history of my people is littered with orally transmitted tales about the exploits, sexual or military, of various warlords, most being traced back to the time when the warlords themselves were still alive. We’ve got what could be argued as RPF, written about the rulers of the day, all the way from ancient Egypt and we’d likely have had sources from ancient Sumeria and Babylon as well, if not for the fact that most of the clay tablets that were preserved dealt with financial transactions. It looks frankly odd, to me, such a campaign against something that’s been with us for most of our history and that’s been used for everything from bawdy tales to subversive political manifestos. 

It’s perfectly a-okay to be squicked out by RPF on principle and to not want to deal with it. That’s something I support fully. I also support criticism of how some RPF fans behave (the utter shitshow that is the One Direction fandom is a prime example here – I’m not even in that fandom and I still cringe at some of the shit I hear!) I come down hard myself when the rules I listed above aren’t obeyed. My problems inevitably start when the whole ‘stop writing this!’ thing gets put into motion, as always.

So I’m probably going to get hate for saying this but tbh I don’t care about the skin color of TV characters or movie characters. At all.

I don’t friggin care about “whitewashing”

I don’t care if the entire cast is black

I don’t care if the entire cast is white

I don’t care if the entire cast is purple with polkadots made out of the friggin color from H.P. Lovecraft’s “The Colour Out of Space”

LISTEN: You don’t need a character to have the same skin color as you to be able to relate to them.

You do not need a character to have the same skin color as you to be able to enjoy them.

And believe me, I know. I’m not black and yet there are some black characters whom I really relate to and enjoy.

Case in point? Iris West from CW’s The Flash. For the first season I was kinda neutral towards her, but when she landed a journalistic job and became more aware of Barry’s feelings towards her I really started to grow attached. I’m a journalistic writer like Iris, I’ve got two siblings like Iris, I’m here for emotional support like Iris, if my brother/boyfriend was a superhero I’d probably run around getting myself into trouble like Iris, too. #IrisWestIsTheNextLoisLane

My point is that you don’t have to have the same skin color as someone to be able to relate to them!

My point is that skin color doesn’t matter because we’re all humans. People of every ethnicity go through the same struggles, such as:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Love
  • Heartache
  • Loss
  • Abuse
  • Rape
  • Poverty
  • Loneliness
  • Responsibility
  • Guilt
  • Emptiness
  • Hopelessness
  • Envy
  • Vanity & Pride
  • Anger
  • Yeah basically all the 7 deadly sins

I could go on but I think y’all get the point.

I just can’t see any reason for why we need to have exactly 25% black characters and 25% Asian characters and 25% Muslim characters and–

like, for the love of Dormammu I don’t care, just give me a compelling character who’s going through a relatable struggle

I can understand why it would matter if you’re trying to make a film that focuses specifically on racism, or the Holocaust, or oppression as a key theme. Then I can understand why casting and skin color matters.

But the vast majority of entertainment are about superheroes and ninja turtles and starship captains and elves and teenage drama and adult drama. Most of these shows and movies take place in privileged America where your biggest dilemma is the fact that they took Doctor Who off of Netflix, not the fact that you fear getting shot in the streets because of your skin color.

To clarify: I’m not against having a diverse cast. I’m not saying that we should just turn a blind eye to racism. I’m not saying hate crimes don’t happen in America.

What I’m saying is that if you really want to make a change, focus less on entertainment (which you are so very privileged to receive in the first place) and more on the REAL issues in the world, like the fact that people are dying for being LGBT, women are being raped. Stop complaining about how some dumb TV show didn’t cast enough black people and try doing something substantial for once. Go out and join a club that actually raises funds to help people or something.

I feel like we’re getting worked up over all the wrong things.

Sorry if I triggered anyone out there.

Originally posted by robotjedi

anonymous asked:

1/5 I think I'm nonbinary, I don't like being called a woman, or she pronouns generally, I don't connect to being female, and I can't even write a girl in first person! only enbies or boys(I'm a writer), I really want to use they pronouns, and I like it when people use masc terms towards/about me(handsome, boy, prince, dude, etc.) But the thing is, that's it. Some days I really hate how I look, but I don't know that I'd change it if that makes sense? Besides I have no idea what I want to

2/5 look like, and anyway some days I’m completely comfortable in my body. And besides tbh it’s mostly just my hips and I can’t change them anyway. I don’t want short hair, I’ve considered binding that would only be occasionally even if I do? I hate my chest some days, but most days I just wish it was a tad smaller or don’t care about it at all. I feel uncomfortable having a vagina (it’s the only thing that I always feel uncomfortable with) but I don’t want a penis either. I actually like

3/5 my waist, I don’t want facial hair, I wear makeup, i prefer masc clothes, but not really rly manly ones, and not even always, sometimes I do like looking more"womanly"(though put me in a dress and I’ll kill you). And anyway even with the things about myself I don’t like, it’s never a constant pain, it’s not really horrible dysphoria, it’s incredibly mild most of the time. So my problem is, I feel like I’m nonbinary, but how can I be if I’m still comfortable presenting as my assigned gender?!

4/5 I look like a woman, and I don’t want to look like a woman, I want to look nonbinary, but actually I don’t want to change the way I look at the same time?! I guess it’s more about how I’m perceived…. but how does that make any sense! I know I’m enby, but, I have no reason to be almost?? So how can I be. It’s so confusing. On the one hand I know it doesn’t matter, I present just as masc as say, Kaitlyn Alexander, (more actually as they ware dresses) except I don’t have short hair, but

5/5 then I just keep saying to myself “well clearly as you don’t have short hair and constantly wear shirts then you CANT be nonbinary!” And I know it’s not true, but on the other hand, it kind of is? Why am I? I’m so confused. Am I nonbinary, or am I just faking? Or giving in to gender roles just because I’m not high femme? And enforcing toxic ideas? Oh but I do love being called they/them and masc things! Ugh why is gender so difficult ?!? Sometimes I wish we didn’t have it 😂 help? Advice? 

I’ll give you a little tip… If you’re seriously asking if you’re faking, you’re probably not faking.

There are so many different ways people might feel dysphoria! Just because you don’t tick all the boxes doesn’t mean you aren’t nonbinary. You don’t have to hate your body or want to change it. You can be perfectly happy with your body, not as a female body, but as a nonbinary body! Because you are nonbinary, and so is your body! 

There is no “reason” for being nonbinary. You certainly don’t have to feel a certain way about your body or want to present in a certain way to qualify. Being nonbinary means something different for everyone; you just have to find your own definition. 

Honestly, it sounds to me like you already know in your heart of hearts that you are nonbinary. Now you just have to work on booting out all the exorsexist thoughts that are wriggling their way into your subconscious. It’s going to be okay. Don’t worry too much about what it means to be nonbinary - just figure out what it means for you.

Robron fandom ramble

I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed with the Robron / Emmerdale fandom lately. It’s like I’m actually overwhelmed by how many talented people we have in this fandom (not necessarily in a bad way - it’s a good problem to have, really) - it’s like nothing I’ve ever really seen before.

My previous fandom was a lot smaller, and while there were many great people within it once upon a time, there weren’t many “voices”. There were probably only a handful of people who actually spoke about stuff (myself included), and everyone who did speak had pretty specific styles and voices and each of us seemed to have a role, which balanced things out. There was something for everyone, really, and the fact that there were so few of us who actually had things to say made it all so manageable, if that makes sense.

With this fandom it’s different. There are SO MANY people here, and so many who are just…..amazing. I don’t feel like there are any “big names”, or fandom “celebs” - I feel like there are too many amazingly talented people for those kinds of labels.

There are the people that make insane gifs and edits and artwork, there are the people that write beautiful fanfic and headcanons and meta and some wonderful freaks of nature who can do all of those things. There are those that theorise and can look back over episodes with such care and attention, there are those that speculate and are positive and level-headed and those who, even when having a total fangirl moment writing all in capital letters freaking the fuck out, can still write so wonderfully, can put a point across so beautifully, without even trying.

Whether it’s just a small text post with just one little paragraph (or even one sentence!) or a huge essay about Aaron or Robert or their relationship or the show in general, the level of talent displayed in this fandom literally blows my fucking mind.

It is a privilege to be a part of, but at the same time it makes me question my place here, it makes me feel like a drop in the ocean, it makes me a little insecure, because in my old fandom I was one of a few, my voice was loud because nobody was really shouting with me, but now I don’t really have a role, there are people far more talented than me, and sometimes I think of something to say but I see someone has said the same thing, albeit in a much briefer, purer, simpler yet wonderful way, or someone has said it with far more depth and beauty than I feel I could ever convey, and it makes me feel a little insignificant, which is hard when coming from a fandom where, for some time, I was considered quite significant.

And I know these are my own insecurities, my own paranoia, and it’s not a competition, and nobody has ever done anything to make me feel this way; if anything, people have been nothing but lovely, kind and encouraging towards me, people have been supportive or things I have written (actually, I have also been totally overwhelmed by how well-received some things I have written have been), and I feel like I’ve made some pretty great fandom-pals here, on all kinds of levels; I adore that one minute someone can be having a silly little “war” over a ship name, and the next they can be writing something serious and beautifully poetic, that we can all go from daft and fun and fangirly one minute to serious and mature essay-writers the next.

It’s amazing. I adore how versatile everyone is. I love how talented everyone is. Sometimes I can only sit back in awe, scroll through my dash and reblog the living crap out of all of these epic posts, whether they’re a funny little text/gif post or a mammoth essay about where a storyline is going, or a beautifully put together gif-set or an amazing piece of art.

Sometimes it actually BLOWS MY MIND. And as I said before, it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced in any fandom I have ever been in.

I was on the fringes of the Robron/Emmerdale fandom from the very start, as I’ve been on tumblr since 2010 (I DON’T KNOW HOW EITHER) and would search #Emmerdale now and then to see if there was anything (answer: there was always literally nothing until Robron was born). It took a while for me to properly throw myself into the fandom myself and use my own voice; for so long I was just a reblogger, who contributed nothing of my own (and there is nothing wrong with that, fans/fandom members like that are just as valid) - I’m someone who has never liked to spread myself too thin and at the time I was clinging to my old fandom and still trying to make an effort within that, even though it was dying and I wasn’t particularly happy there, but I’m loyal to a fault and it took me a while to let go.

And honestly, falling deeply into this fandom, just becoming brave enough to use my voice and say what I wanted to say about characters and a show I have loved for more than a decade, was the best thing I have done in recent years. At first I felt out of place; all the fans seemed really new (which I thought was amazing but also a little intimidating) and I was genuinely insecure that people wouldn’t like me because I’d been around the show long before Robron (in hindsight I could see that was totally stupid of me to think that, but paranoia/insecurity is a fun thing lmao) but I was amazed at how quickly people welcomed me and even reached out to me and made an effort with me - and how there were plenty of older fans, just like me, too.

And it’s been quite some time now since I’ve been in deep, and I feel like I know so many of you even though not all of us have spoken about too much outside of our amazing show and ship.

What I’m trying to say is, you’re all fucking amazing, and I appreciate every one of you. Whether you’ve been watching the show for 48248 years or 3 months, you’re fucking awesome.

I get overwhelmed because I want to follow everyone, but I’ve always been scared of following too many people and then missing stuff because my dash is too busy. I’ve been on tumblr almost 7 years and I still only follow 394 people (and tbh, I reckon at least a hundred of those are since the Robron fandom was born) - and yet every day it seems like a new name pops up, having written something amazing, and I’m like “where did you spring from?!”, and I have to give them a follow, and it’s like…..WOW.

I could tag a whole bunch of people who I find ridiculously amazingly talented but I’d be here all fucking day, and I couldn’t possibly list everyone, and then I’d feel bad for everyone who I’d missed so….I won’t.

So as arse-kissy as this post might sound, I just want to say a giant THANK YOU to everyone who contributes to this fandom, on any scale, in any capacity….thank you. And thank you to those that follow me too; it makes me feel genuinely proud and I know it’s something I really need to hang on to when I’m feeling down on myself. All your kind words mean more to me than I could ever properly express and I need to hold onto that forever because sometimes I really, really need it.

So…..there were are. Keep doing what you’re all doing. Know that even if I give your post a reblog without saying anything too profound in response, whether in a reply or a message or even a tag (writing stuff in tags on reblogs to someone’s post is so important!!), just know it’s because I’m probably just feeling overwhelmed by how fucking awesome I think you are.

I have no idea where this has come from really, apart from this is just how I’ve been feeling lately, but in a nutshell….I love you. I love all of you. Even if I haven’t agreed with everything you’ve said, I still probably love you. I respect all of you. I’m overwhelmed and intimidated by all of your talents. Thank you for being amazing. KEEP DOING WHAT YOU’RE DOING. Keep this fandom the best fucking fandom I’ve ever been in. Keep spreading the love and the positivity and the excitement, because by god, the next month or so of life in this fandom is going to be WILD and I’m so happy to be here going on this ride with you.

As always with my long posts; if you get to the end, thank you. This only makes me love you all the more.


Originally posted by justleavemebreathless

inlookingglass-archived  asked:

hello! this is... kind of a silly question tbh. but. what does it *feel like* to be (hyper)empathetic? like are there physical symptoms when you... catch stuff (?) from other people? do sad feelings from seeing someone else cry feel different from feeling sad in general? does it hurt & if so, how? i don't experience empathy at all bc brainwierd but have a couple autistic characters who range between moderately & hyper empathetic and im *constantly* second guessing their reactions to things...

and this didn’t fit in the last ask but thank you very much for putting the time & effort into this blog !

And thank you for reading!

We’ll be doing an empathy masterpost soon. For now, as a hyperempathetic person, I’ll try to give a brief answer (and fail, because I’m incapable of being brief, apparently).

I am so sensitive to the emotional states of others that it often eclipses my own emotions (and I’m often unable to identify how I actually feel). It can be debilitating, though it can also be very pleasant, depending on the situation. Here are a few examples of real-life implications:

  • When I see someone upset, I can’t comfort them. It’s too overwhelming. To even look at them makes me feel overcome with whatever sad emotions I imagine they’re experiencing. (And this is important: I’m not psychic. I am reacting to my *perception* of how they feel - and due to my sensitivity, I know that I tend to overestimate the severity of other peoples’ feelings, which causes me to feel more strongly than I probably should.)
  • I can’t comprehend teasing, bullying, or any kind of hurting another person intentionally. If I called someone a name I knew would upset them, I would hurt myself even more than I’d hurt them. The idea that someone would feel strong by putting down someone else is completely foreign to me. This also prevents me from understanding why anyone would tease or bully me.
  • I can’t watch a sad scene in a film or hear sad music without crying. I can’t talk about my feelings without crying. I can’t talk about anything emotional without crying. This can be very embarrassing. For example, I might be trying to tell the parents of one of my students that they really worked hard that day and I could see how proud they felt about their success– and whoops, I’m crying again. I actually have anxiety about watching films with other people, because there is always at least one moment at the climax of the film where emotional music plays, and–yep, you guessed it. Crying. 
  • When I see children playing happily, the world can melt away. When they get excited over some mundane thing in the world, I get excited, too. I turn into an excited little kid all over again.
  • I can’t get angry at my students, even if they’re behaving atrociously. If I make them feel bad - well, you get the idea.
  • I wind up a very easy target for abusers and have, unfortunately, been in several emotionally abusive relationships. They don’t have to threaten me. I can’t break up with someone, because I’ll hurt them. I’m not afraid of what they’ll do to me - I’m afraid of how bad I’ll make them feel. All they have to threaten me with to control me is “but I’ll be so sad” and I’m defeated. (It takes the support of many friends to get out of a situation like this.)
  • I tend to reflect people’s personalities back at them. In a way, I become like the person around me I identify with the most. My accent changes quickly when I’m talking to someone, matching theirs (a problem when I’m teaching English to non-native speakers). My mannerisms change. If I watch a film or read a book, I act like the characters for a while afterwards. My speech patterns, movements, energy levels, even my sense of humor changes to that of the character. This has the advantage of making me a good actor, and of helping me “blend in” and “pass” so people don’t realize I’m autistic (which can be advantageous at times), but it can also be very confusing. It’s easy to lose track of who I actually am.
  • I tend to prefer suffering or letting myself be hurt to allowing others to be hurt, because my perception of their pain is actually worse than my own real pain would be.
  • Watching horror movies is inconceivable. However, watching inspirational movies fills me with so much ambition that I go a little nuts for a while after, filled with energy and making big plans to change my whole life (which last until the next time I see someone feeling unhappy).
  • I sometimes actually feel the physical pain I imagine others are experiencing. This isn’t something my body does, but something my brain does. It perceives physical suffering and then I feel it - or, I feel what I imagine they feel, which is probably much worse than what they actually feel. I can’t tolerate even the slightest amount of gore or violence.

That ought to be more than enough for a start. Again, watch for a masterpost in the near future, where we’ll go into more detail about empathy in autistic people (and include a lot of the excellent feedback we got from all you guys in our informal survey the other day).

-Mod Aira

For me, hyperempathy presents itself quite differently to Mod Aira’s.

I have trouble understanding my emotions in general (this is called alexythymia), and as I like to describe it, i’m a kind of “emotional sponge”. Some also talk of emotional contagion. Which means that when i perceive that someone feels something, I will feel it too, except most of the time I can’t differenciate between my own emotions and those i’ve “caught” from others. So all of a sudden I’ll be feeling very bad and won’t know why, and it’s actually because I think someone around me is in a bad mood.

Seeing someone cry makes me cry. Seeing a sad movie - or any movie with some kind of emotional scene - makes me cry. Feeling something a bit intense makes me cry. I spend half my life crying. I don’t care. I can watch movies with people and they can see me cry.

I don’t feel others’ pain as intensely as Aira does, and I am usually able to take myself out of a bad situation even though i strongly prefer not to hurt anyone. I can see the long-term benefits for me to do so in some situations.

I don’t feel people’s physical pain.

Horror movies are awful to watch but i like it somehow.

I wouldn’t say i feel people’s pain more strongly than my own, it’s about the same or more…vague somehow?

So I think we can say there are several degrees of hyperempathy, and it can feel more or less intense depending on the person.

-Mod Cat

anonymous asked:

What were ur thoughts on Kent that ngozi agreed w!!

ok this is gonna be really long because it was basically the Best Day Of My Life, so. settle in kiddos.

(this is also very very heavily referenced from chat logs where I talked about this the day after it happened and a couple of posts I made / tags I wrote around that time. so even though all of this happened like four months ago, I think it’s still reasonably accurate. but obviously memories are flawed things etc)

  • so ok first of all ngozi is SO FUNNY AND NICE in person ahhhhh
  • I was wearing my kent parson jersey that I made!
    • …… but when I first saw her table, I got super overwhelmed and nervous so I like…… walked by really quickly without looking at her and just did a lap around the dealer’s room??? so I could calm down??? haha oh my god it was so awkward.
    • I was actually hoping she hadn’t seen me but apparently she DID because later I was talking to someone who’d been standing by her table when I walked by and APPARENTLY she whispered, “PARSE JERSEEEEYYYY” when she saw me omfg
  • but anyway she was super friendly right away and asked me if she could take pictures & wanted to know how I made my shirt / etc etc. we talked for a minute and then (of course) she asked me, “so, why do you like parse?”
  • and tbh…… I’m still not sure how I was this smooth but I immediately said, in a Very Diplomatic Voice, “I like characters who have a lot of room to grow.”
  • which made her laugh!!! she was like, “that’s refreshing!! that’s a really great answer!!! a lot of people are just like, ‘I like him because he’s an asshole!!‘”
    • …I think it makes her sad half because she doesn’t get why someone would like a character just because they’re mean, but also half because she doesn’t think of parse as an asshole? she didn’t clarify explicitly, though…. she just expressed that she’s sad and disappointed when people say stuff like that to her.

MORE under the cut oh god I’m sorry there’s a lot

Keep reading

signs as shit from the secret history
  • Aries: 'A week or two before the paper was due, he had started showing up in my room about two or three in the morning, looking as if he had just narrowly escaped some natural disaster, his tie askew and his eyes wild and rolling. “Hello, hello,” he would say, stepping in, running both hands through his disordered hair. “Hope I didn’t wake you, don’t mind if I cut on the lights, do you, ah, here we go, yes, yes.…” He would turn on the lights and then pace back and forth for a while without taking off his coat, hands clasped behind his back, shaking his head. Finally he would stop dead in his tracks and say, with a desperate look in his eye, “Metahemeralism. Tell me about it. Everything you know. I gotta know something about metahemeralism.”
  • “I’m sorry. I don’t know what that is.”
  • “I don’t either,” Bunny would say brokenly. “Got to do with art or pastoralism or something. That’s how I gotta tie together John Donne and Isaac Walton, see.” He would resume pacing.
  • “Bunny, I don’t think ‘metahemeralism’ is even a word.”'
  • Taurus: 'Late that night—two a.m.—my house chairperson pounded on my door and yelled that I had a phone call. Dazed with sleep, I put on my bathrobe and stumbled downstairs. It was Francis. “What do you want?” I said.
  • “Richard, I’m having a heart attack.” I looked with one eye at my house chairperson —Veronica, Valerie, I forget her name —who was standing by the phone with her arms folded over her chest, head to one side in an attitude of concern. I turned my back. “You’re all right,” I said into the receiver. “Go back to sleep.”
  • “Listen to me.” His voice was panicky. “I’m having a heart attack. I think I’m going to die.”
  • “No you’re not.”
  • “I have all the symptoms. Pain in the left arm. Tightness in chest. Difficulty breathing.”
  • “What do you want me to do?”
  • “I want you to come over here and drive me to the hospital.”
  • “Why don’t you call the ambulance?” I was so sleepy my eyes kept closing.
  • “Because I’m scared of the ambulance,” said Francis, but I couldn’t hear the rest because Veronica, whose ears had pricked up at the word ambulance, broke in excitedly.
  • “If you need a paramedic, the guys up at the security booth know CPR,” she said eagerly. “They’re on call from midnight to six. They also run a van service to the hospital. If you want me to I’ll—”
  • “I don’t need a paramedic,” I said. Francis was repeating my name frantically at the other end.
  • “Here I am,” I said.
  • “Richard?” His voice was weak and breathy. “Who are you talking to? What’s wrong?”
  • “Nothing. Now listen to me—”
  • “Who said something about paramedic?”
  • “Nobody. Now listen. Listen,” I said, as he tried to talk over me. “Calm down. Tell me what’s wrong.”
  • “I want you to come over. I feel really bad. I think my heart just stopped beating for a moment. I—”
  • “Are drugs involved?” said Veronica in a confidential tone.
  • “Look,” I said to her, “I wish you’d be quiet and let me hear what this person is trying to say.”
  • “Richard?” said Francis. “Will you just come get me?Please?”
  • There was a brief silence.
  • “All right,” I said, “give me a few minutes,” and I hung up the phone.'
  • Gemini: 'Access to the snail's interior was gained by a child-sized tunnel.[...] From this tunnel, I was extremely startled to see protruding a pair of adult male feet, shod in some oddly familiar brown-and-white spectator shoes. I caught and shook a bony kneecap. 'Charles.'
  • He began to flounder wildly, as if he had waked to find himself in ten feet of water. At length, and after repeated assurances that I was who I said I was, he fell on his back again, breathing hard.
  • 'Richard,' he said thickly. 'Thank God. I though you were some kind of creature from space.''
  • Cancer: '"Richard old Man
  • are you Frozen? it is quite warm here. We live in a Penscione (sp.) I ordered Conche by mistake yesterday in a restaurant it was awful but Henry ate it. Everybody here is a damn Catholic."'(Bunny's letter)
  • Leo: The barmaid- in her fifties, with turquoise eye shadow and lots of turquoise rings to match- looked us over, our suits and ties. She seemed startled by Charles's order of two double whiskeys and a club sandwich. [...] When his sandwich came he picked it apart, ate the bacon and left the rest, while I drank my drink and watched the Lakers.
  • Virgo: ''Now,' he said. 'A single cap, roughly this size, of A. phalloides is enough to make a healthy seventy-pound dog quite ill. [...]'
  • 'Henry, how do you know this?'
  • He was silent for a moment. Then he said, 'Do you know those two horrible boxer dogs who belong to the couple who live upstairs?'
  • It was dreadful but I had to laugh, I couldn't help it. 'No' I said. 'You didn't.'
  • 'I’m afraid I did,'he said dryly, mashing out his cigarette.'
  • Libra: ''The poison doesn't take effect for at least twelve hours,'he said. 'So even if I overdose I'll have a certain advantage, a grace period. With an antidote on hand for myself, just in case...'
  • 'An antidote?' I said, jarred, leaning back in my chair. 'Is there such a thing?'
  • 'Atropine. It's in deadly nightshade.'
  • 'Well, Jesus, Henry. If you don't finish yourself off with one you will with the other.''
  • Scorpio: 'We went through a brief spate of target practice, shooting at mason jars that were lined on a wicker tea-table we'd dragged into the yard. But that came to a quick end when Henry, who was very nearsighted, shot and killed a duck by mistake. He was quite shaken by it and we put the pistol away.'
  • Sagittarius: 'The guard turned quickly, and somehow his gaze landed not on Henry but on Francis, who was standing staring into space. "So it's you, is it?" he said with venom. "Mr Off-Campus who thinks he can park in the faculty parking lot."
  • Francis started, a wild look in his eye.
  • "Yes, you. You know how many unpaid violations you're carrying? Nine. I turned your registration in to the Dean just last week. They can put you on probation, hold your transcripts, what have you. Suspend your library priveledges. If it was up to me they'd put you in jail."
  • Francis gaped at him. Henry caught him by the sleeve and pulled him away. [...]
  • "Why the hell haven't you paid those parking tickets?" Henry whispered to him.
  • "Leave me alone."'
  • Capricorn: 'What I did experience when alone was a sort of general neurotic horror, a common attack of nerves and self-loathing magnified to the power of ten. Every cruel or fatuous thing I’d ever said came back to me with an amplified clarity, no matter how I talked to myself or jerked my head to shake the thoughts away; old insults and guilts and embarrassments stretching clear back to childhood—the crippled boy I’d made fun of, the Easter chick I’d squeezed to death—paraded before me one by one, in vivid and mordant splendor.'
  • Aquarius: '"Well, if you wake up intending to murder someone at two o'clock, you hardly think what you're going to feed the corpse for dinner."
  • "Asparagus is in season," said Francis helpfully.'
  • Pisces: 'Once, over dinner, Henry was quite startled to learn from me that men had walked on the moon. 'No,' he said, putting down his fork. 'Its true,' chorused the rest, who had somehow managed to pick this up along the way. "I don't believe it."
  • “I saw it,” said Bunny. “It was on television."
  • 'How did they get there? When did this happen?'

Here’s one reason I don’t spend much time on tumblr at the moment. I’m going to be blunt, and quite honestly hateful towards at least some of my followers (who can go ahead and unfollow if they feel uncomfortable or w/e). 

The term problematic is a shitty measuring stick. It shouldn’t ever be used as though the term is self-evident and conclusive. 

What do you even mean by problematic? And are you talking for a group (or an entire culture) to which you don’t fucking belong? Do you really think that “problematic” is where it ends, no discussion? 

Listen, 1 + 1 doesn’t equal 2 here. When you’re talking about society, people, basically structures that rely on subjectivity, you sound naive and lost when you say something like, “Liking [___] promotes/excuses/normalizes [___].” How the fuck. Have you ever learned about audience reception? Cause textual analysis doesn’t fucking cut it.

You can pretend that you like or do not like things based on the morality/problematics you perceive in them, but every single person I’ve known who did this would twist themselves in knots to write off their own hypocrisy. 

Hey, I don’t care, I’m gonna say it: in fiction, I like noncon, dubcon, some level of guro/abuse, manipulation, abusive relationships, incest, and some other things that probably would earn me one of those ridiculous callout posts. Someone once told me they felt weird seeing me have opinions about fic plots because they knew I like noncon. Apparently liking noncon bans you from having opinions, ever, or at least expecting anyone to treat you as anything more than a Bad Person who has to be Silenced.

It’s not like I don’t know they’re problematic; I fucking like them because they are. That doesn’t mean I’m not critically engaging at all. I honestly think that I probably engage more critically than the majority of the high-horse, pure-as-crystal people who like to throw shit without reflecting. There’s so little [room for] thought with that mentality. 

Hey, let’s talk about how ending it at “this is problematic and bad, and so are you,” is intellectually pathetic. I’m personally interested in thinking about why something is problematic, why it appeals to people, and how they interact with it. And of course, enjoying it in spaces that don’t involve perpetrators of those things. Liking it doesn’t mean excusing it in real life.

Cause, y’know, 1 + 1 can’t equal 2 when the equation is being applied carelessly and to something it doesn’t fit.

Abusing entire groups of people for a ship, show, whatever they like that’s problematic, especially when they keep to themselves and are not denying the problematic aspects as what they are, is so much more vicious and unforgivable to me. When I try to figure out why they bother, it always comes down to the harasser wanting to fucking harass people and dressing that desire in terms that do not justify their actions in the least. 

The act of liking and enjoying the ~wrong~ fictional thing doesn’t justify that vitriol. But some people hate fun, I guess. They’d rather delude themselves. Go ahead, but leave others the hell out of it.

Edit: There was something I saw on tumblr once that stuck with me in a good way. It ended with the sentence, “You gotta be kind.” That’s what I think of when I want to approach lots of these issues. It’s not all-or-nothing, and that’s a positive thing.

anonymous asked:

So I've been following your blog for several months now and I absolutely love your writing! :D I noticed that you're also into Harry Potter, from the looks of it, so I was wondering... If you were to put the male characters in Hogwarts, which houses do you think they'd be in? :P :D I've kind of wondered about this and I don't think I've ever read someone ask or comment about it. xD

I think I’ve done this before actually, but I can’t seem to find it! Thankfully, their houses are something that I have memorized by heart tbh. I’ve included both girls and guys. Thank you for following me and you’re absolutely correct, I’m really into Harry Potter! I absolutely love it!


  • Vicktor
    He’s in the manga and honestly, I don’t know too much about him since all I see of him are stuff in the MCL tag. However,  I think in the manga, and correct me if I am wrong, him and Candy were friends since childhood? And to remember her from that long ago along with their promise (though I’m not sure what that promise was, again correct me if I am wrong), it requires a lot of loyalty.
  • Jade
    I think he’d be in Hufflepuff as well because frankly, he seems to be very loyal. Maybe not so much to Candy or people in general (we don’t see much of him in the game), but to the environment and to nature.
  • Iris
    I think for the most part,  she’s a Hufflepuff. She seems to be pretty loyal to Candy and just all of her friends. Plus she’s extremely friendly and Hufflepuff seems to be the most friendliest house.
  • Violette
    For the same reason as Iris, she seems to be loyal to Candy and all of her friends.
  • Amber
    I imagine this may be confusing- Amber as a Hufflepuff, really? But she doesn’t seem to be as brave as Gryffindor, smart like Ravenclaw, and while she’s mean, she is by no means sly and cunning like a Slytherin. But she seems to be kind of loyal to her friends and her family. I mean despite everything, she seems to be loyal to Nathaniel and her parents, not wanting Candy to date her brother is an example that she does care about him and such. Even if she isn’t always nice to him nor anyone else.


  • Dajan
    The basketball-lovin’ guy seems to be pretty brave, like I don’t know since we don’t know that much about Dajan which kills me. But I can’t really picture him as anything else except maybe a Slytherin?
  • Dakota
    He certainly has the confidence of a Gryffindor and the bravery down to a T.
  • Castiel
    I don’t think he’s very sly or cunning so Slytherin for him is a no-go. He rather faces things head-on and doesn’t seem to hold back. I imagine he’d be loyal as well (example: he was loyal to Deborah until after Candy exposed her and he’s loyal to Lysander), but his bravery seems to be his most dominant trait.
  • Armin
    I honestly almost picture him as a Ravenclaw; the boy’s not book smart, but I think he’d be pretty street smart and don’t even get me started with how smart he is with video games. But I think he’s best as a Gryffindor. Like Castiel, he doesn’t hold back and says what’s on his mind. He faces things head-on, I’d imagine and he seems to be more of an impulsive person than a person who thinks it out. Like in how in the play episode, he tossed the tea cup at Kentin without a second thought in the Alice In Wonderland play on a whim and in the Sleeping Beauty play, he put Kiki in the dragon outfit without thinking it through.
  • Kentin
    When I picture Kentin as a Gryffindor, I think of Neville, especially how Neville went from a more shy-reserved guy to a the brave Gryffindor (I might be thinking of someone else, I get names mixed up a lot). As Kentin, he sure is brave and doesn’t seem to hesitate to face any of the guys (Castiel being the expection) head on for Candy’s affection.
  • Kim
    She does not avoid confrontation, speaks her mind and does not care what others think or say. She seems to face things head on and is always edging for a fight.
  • Peggy
    She does sneak around a lot and stick her nose for gossip, but she tells everything in her newspaper (which is why she is not Slytherin). She seems to be very brave and bold to search for what she wants.


  • Nathaniel
    Not only is he very smart, but he seems to be wise as well. But his intelligence is most definitely his most dominate trait.
  • Charlotte
    We don’t get much interaction with her in the game, but she seems to be a more reserved, intelligent person. At least that is the vibe I get from her.
  • Lysander
    He does loose things, a lot, but that doesn’t make him any less smart. If not book smart, he is at least smart with music. More so, wisdom and creativity are also strong Ravenclaw traits- he’s quick to give advice and seems to have a very ‘wise soul’, more so he’s very creative to be able to write lyrics.


  • Deborah
    Of course not all Slytherins are evil (I’m a Slytherin myself) and I am not placing her into this house because she’s evil. She is a Slytherin because you have to be sly, cunning and manipulative (not necessarily a Slytherin trait, per say, but adds to it) to do all that she did. She knows how to work people to her favor and advantage and she is very sly about it. She’s very ambitious to achieve her own goals.
  • Cappuine
    She tries to feed you the wrong lines in the episode you do the play because she wants to screw you up. She sneaks around the whole school trying to get the gossip, which she then tells Amber.. Not to she goes straight to befriending Melody the second that Candy and Melody have issues. Something about her kinda of reminds me of Pansy (from Harry Potter) to be honest.
  • Rosayla
    Rosayla is hard to sort. She’s either a Gryffindor or a Slytherin and I think she’s really a mix of the two. She does after all speak her mind, like a Gryffindor, but she solves things slyly and sneakily like a Slytherin. Example, it was her and Alexy that faked a love letter that they put in Amber’s locker. Not to mention all the sly comments she makes about Candy and the guy you like.
  • Li
    We don’t know much about Li’s character so it’s hard to figure her out, but I think she’d be in Slytherin. Though she seems to be loyal to Charlotte and smart in her own way.
  • Alexy
    He’s is a good example of a good Slytherin. When Deborah showed up, he knew that she was bad news. Yet instead of just confronting her head-on, he acted like he was her friend, he acted like he was her ally, when in reality, she was an enemy which is a very Slytherin move. He was so into the role that he didn’t even tell his brother what he was doing. Then he later confided in Candy in private that he was her friend, but he continued to act like he was Deborah’s friend to try to find out what she was doing and planning. Then in another episode, he made a fake love letter to Amber with Rosayla when they found out what Amber did to Candy. Total Slytherin, I love it.

philcoulsonismyhero  asked:

1) I love your Legends headcanons so much! I've been dying of laughter for the past two hours reading through them all. 2) Autistic Ray! Hell yes, I am 100% here for that! (I'm autistic myself, and I don't know how I didn't think of it before, it's such a Good headcanon.) So, if you wouldn't mind, I'd love to hear ALL your headcanons on the subject. :)

Hey first of all, it’s really awesome to hear that you dig autistic Ray, because as a person who is not autistic I’ve worried a lot that I’m overstepping my boundaries in some way with those particular headcanons. So your appreciation is appreciated! 

Anyway, Some Headcanons:

  • I mentioned in another post that clicking pens is Ray’s #1 stim. He does it mostly when he’s stressed, or frustrated with a problem that he can’t work out. He’s really particular about his pens; they’ve got to have the PERFECT texture and weight in his hand. Given Ray’s questionable organization, he loses them fairly often, which is always a downer. (Or, you know, sometimes Jax and Martin borrow them for transmutation practice. That also sucks.)
  • He also keeps a lot of little rubber bouncy balls around his workspace for when he needs the focus. The feelings of rolling them around in his hands, the smooth texture between his fingers, really helps him gather his thoughts.
  • Ray can not and will not tolerate the texture of oranges or anything with a texture remotely similar to oranges.
  • Like tbh the fastest way to make Ray completely lose his appetite in general is Unexpected Textures. Which bites him in the ass a lot, since he mostly subsists on microwavable food, which isn’t exactly known for being well-cooked and consistent. 
  • Ray really doesn’t love working or exercising with music. It clutters his brain and distracts him. Not good, because his work is complicated enough as it is, and his workouts are very structured. He’ll tolerate it, especially for other people’s sake, but that usually results in Ray standing dead still unable to focus on anything but the words of the song that’s one.
  • Ditto the TV, radio, etc.
  • Back when he was a billionaire CEO instead of a time travelling superhero, business meetings were his least favorite part of the job. He’d spend days memorizing exactly what he was going to say and how to say it, trying to find exactly the right tone and hand gestures to win people over. He was always so so happy when they went well, but missing even the tiniest part would leave him in a bad mood for the rest of the day.
  • Ray tries so SO hard to read people, but he misses so many little cues, especially when it comes to him making people uncomfortable/upsetting them/overwhelming them. We see that a lot in his early relationship with Felicity, I think. It was very rehearsed, kind of pushy, just generally Too Much, but he was so unaware.
  • Or like in his romantic gestures, the way he just up and got Felicity like a billion dollars in fancy clothes and jewelry, or the time on the Flash when he rented out an entire restaurant for a double date. That’s Romantic, right? Why do you look so alarmed? 
  • I think Felicity is a huge help to Ray, though. She’s the only one of his friends who outright tells him when he’s accidentally been insensitive (“Not good.” “How not good?” “Really not good.”) and will forcibly get him to take a break from work when he’s thrown his sleeping pattern off again. She’s a lot more patient with him than most people are.
  • Ray’s parents wanted to get him a therapy dog, but since he’s allergic to every form of fur on the planet he ended up with Slinky the therapy snake. Who wasn’t an officially trained therapy animal, but did a very good job anyway. Ray adored that snake.  
  • I had… a lot more headcanons than I was aware of?
  • I just really like Ray he’s precious and great and def autistic 

anonymous asked:

Hello~ I was wondering if you ever thought what the MysMe characters would sound like if they spoke/ sang in Japanese. Do you have any personal voice hc with the Mysme characters and Project B / Uta Pri? If you don't, that's fine~ Just wondering, haha. Lovely blog btw 💕


Ahem. So let’s get started ^^ As much as I LOVE the korean voices for the mysme characters I’ve always wondered what they’d sound like if they were japanese? Also at least half of these don’t belong to either B-Pro or UtaPri so I’m really sorry about that ;;;;. Anyways here’s my JP seiyuus headcanons for them ^^

Yoosung Kim - Kensho Ono. Idk why myself but I can’t ever think of Yoosung without having KenOno’s voice playing in my mind. Reference - Natsuyuki Tooru (Starmyu) & Hakuryuu Ren (Magi)

Zen - Nakamura Yuuichi. This guy has played some of the best narcissistic/arrogant characters and at least in my opinion he is the best fit for Zen’s role. Reference - Tetsurou Kuroo (Haikyuu!!)

Jaehee Kang - Ohara Sayaka. It’s kinda not easy to find many voices like hers and I think it goes really well with Jaehee’s maturity/occasional fangirling phases/annoyance towards her boss and his cat etc etc. Reference - Tachibana Sakuya (God Eater) & Erza Scarlet (Fairy Tail)

Jumin Han - Umehara Yuuichirou. Tbh the first seiyuu I had in mind for his role was Daisuke Ono. But thanks to Ichijouji (Magic Kyun! Renaissance) having too many similarities with Jumin, I can not think of anyone more suitable for this role. Reference - Ichijouji Teika (Magic Kyun! Renaissance)

707 - Miyano Mamoru. Anyone who knows me here for some time now, must have seen this coming ^^ Why can I imagine Mamo-chan’s voice for Seven’s role? It’s ‘cuz a lot of his roles are very happy-go-lucky ones and most of the times it’s just a façade to hide his real emotions which are much colder caused by a dark past. Reference - Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs) & Hayato/Tokiya (UtaPri)

Unknown - Kishio Daisuke. Everytime I think of Unknown/Saeran the one guy who pops up in my mind is Azusa from DiaLovers, except Saeran doesn’t drag out his dialogues. Other characters of KiDai, like Ryuuji (B-Pro), Kasuka (DRRR), Shinobu (Junjou Romantica) etc. really stuck with me too so yeah ^^. Reference - Azusa Mukami (DiaLovers)

V - Daisuke Ono. Tbh there’s no particular reason why I chose him for this role. It’s just V’s kindness, forgiving and gentlemanly nature really reminds me of Tomohisa (B-Pro) and some other characters played by DaiOno ^^. Reference - Tomohisa Kitakado (B-Project)

Rika - Ai Kayano. She had always been one of my most favourite female seiyuus. I think the contrast between her high pitched and low pitched voice creates an oddly accurate image of how Rika’s character actually is. Reference - Inori Yuzuriha (Guilty Crown) & Kyouka (Fairy Tail)