i really don't know what sybil is thinking in this still

Downton Rewatch (Season 1): part ii

- oh my gOD Bates get a hold of yourself. so william comes barreling through the door and spills Thomas’ tea all over him and thomas gets mad. and says something snotty. wow. call the constable, what an effing crime. like. now thomas has tea all over his clothes so he’s either got to go and change (which i’m sure he has just masses of other clothes no problem right) or wait for it to dry, during which time if Mr. Carson catches him he’s going to get a verbal thrashing. DO EITHER OF THOSE OPTIONS SOUND APPEALING. like I am the first to admit that thomas is the most…JUST THE MOST. but don’t treat him like he just ripped the head off of a baby lamb for having a reaction jesus BACK OFF BATES

- oh good lord when Daisy says, “i’d do anything for you” and Thomas glows - ACTUALLY GLOWS - with something like pride and wonder and genuine surprise. i mean in the next second his face shifts and he does this villainous little smirk sure yeah because that’s a weapon, that’s something to defend yourself with if you need it, something to use against other people duh. (honestly i don’t know how anyone who isn’t a slytherin makes sense of the world but okay) but in that moment before, there was bare vulnerability and it was fucking beautiful. shit. i’m gonna make a shitty gif of it because you guys have got to see this shit.

THOMAS. (90% of my live action commentary watching this show is just me yelling out in a pained and strangled voice THUHMASSS).

-this is a real live actual conversation that happens.

OB: [plotting against Bates} What we need to do is to make him a suspect when something’s really been stolen.

Thomas: How do we know anything’s been stolen?

OB: Because you stole it, you noodle.

You are both noodles, and this is a terrible idea.

- side note: how fucking spot on is it that when there are scenes happening in Carson’s office or the servants hall you can hear Mrs. Patmore and Daisy bickering in the background. I mean. I take this show to task for a lot but wow that is some tight storytelling.

- man do i miss the good ole days of Thomas and OB plotting and smoking in the courtyard. iconic.

- there is not much i find more delightful than Thomas saying “sod ‘em.” why can’t he have been given more dirty lines please…why is RJC’s ridiculous accent so fucking soothing. SEE HOW SOOTHED I AM. i am currently just a skin bag of loose bones and honey.

- Daisy and Mrs. Patmore are fuking underappreciated. Daisy misunderstanding Mrs. Patmore and thinking she’s supposed to poison the food while Mrs. P is away for eye surgery is one of the best and most subtle moments of comedic genius in television history.

- why is watching Thomas putting food in his mouth…so erotic. i did not ask for this. i was perfectly happy not knowing this about myself.

- okay so look. i am the first (okay maybe not the first) to admit that Thomas says and does some mean shit. he’s not perfect! some days…he is so overwhelmingly far from perfect that hypothetically you have to go have a good long talk with yourself in the bathroom mirror about why the eff it’s one o clock in the morning and you are lulling yourself to sleep with VIVID fantasies of putting a grown man in the bathtub, washing the pomade out of his hair, and seeing what kinds of noises he makes when you skritch the back of his head. hypothetically. i can only imagine that’s what it would be like because none of this is personal experience. but also let’s not pretend that i won’t defend Thomas to the everloving end. yes, it is not his finest moment to make light of a woman losing her pregnancy or a young person losing their mother, BUT for fuck’s sake why does no one seem to have a problem with people putting their hands on Thomas in violence, holy shit.

- aghhhhh the fact that Thomas holds himself so still, head so high and proud when he’s got bruises on his face. It is the Don’t Fucking Touch Me Stillness, cousin to his Blank Look of Shame, and you all know how i feel about that.

- hahahahahhah ohhhhhhh well fuck me i guess branson/sybil/gwen was the ot3 i didn’t even know i wanted. 

UP NEXT IN SEASON 2: THOMAS SURROUNDED BY MEN IN UNIFORM, HOW WILL HE DEAL (spoiler alert: badly and with lots of looks of PANGED LONGING)

aro/ace/nb dr who quotes

here, have a fuckton of quotes that either confirm or imply aro-spectrum ace nb dr who

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yankeecountess  asked:

hello! I don't know if you're feeling up to it, but I thought I'd send you a prompt for a possible drabble, and that's "THRESHOLD" :o)

Happy Birthday Sharon! And thank you for organizing the Sybil/Tom week! I know i didn’t gest to participate as a writer but it was fun to read all the good stuff popping every day on my dash.

This is what I wrote for your prompt. I’m not very proud of it and I feel a little bit rusty but I couldn’t do better. Sorry for that. A big thank you to @zipgoesamillion for the beta.


A very tired Sybil Crawley and Tom Branson entered the little Inn placed on the side of the road. It was already late into the night and they were lucky to have found somewhere to take a little break on their way to Gretna Green. They had first thought they would get there straight away but they soon realized it wouldn’t happen.

A grumpy innkeeper “welcomed” them and Tom asked for a room for his wife and himself with the steadiest voice he could manage so as not to look suspicious.
The innkeeper only nodded and Tom glanced briefly at Sybil who was standing slightly behind him, seeing that she was as uncomfortable as him with their lie.
“What name do I need to register?” asked the man, startling Tom.

Tom opened his mouth, ready to say Branson, when Sybil’s voice sang from behind him.

“Darcy,” she said, taking a step forward and entwining her arm with Tom’s. “Tom and Sybil Darcy, we just got married.”

She tried not to cringe at her choice of name but that was the first one that came to her mind. At her side, Tom stopped to breathe, dreading the man’s reaction.

“I see,” he simply said while shaking his head.

They were clearly not fooling him. He raised an eyebrow.

“Darcy? It’s not very Irish,” he said, nodding his head toward Tom.

Apparently, Tom’s brogue had not passed unseen.

“I’m only Irish by my mam,” Tom heard himself answer. “She married a man from York’.”

Sybil lightly squeezed his arm, showing her appreciation at his prompt answer as the innkeeper was rolling his eyes, clearly not buying it but seeming not to bother with who they really were as long as it was good for his business. He turned the register to Tom for him to sign it (who almost signed his real name before quickly realizing his mistake) while reaching for the key on the board behind him.

“I’ll show you to the room,” he said finally, gesturing to them to follow. “You’re lucky. My best room is available. There’s nothing too nice for newlyweds.”

Tom and Sybil breathed an unsteady “Thank You” and followed the man up the stairs.

It was a short walk and they soon stopped in front of a door that the innkeeper opened before giving Tom the key.

“Here you go. Have a good night.”

Tom thanked him and started to enter the room with Sybil on his heels but the arm of the man promptly stopped their progression.

“It’s bad luck,” he said.

“Excuse me?” asked Tom, looking at Sybil who looked as stunned as him.

“You need to take the girl in your arms to pass the threshold. Or it is bad luck,” confirmed the man.

“Oh,” said Tom. “Yes, you’re right.” He put Sybil’s suitcase on the floor and turned to her. “Sorry Sweetheart, I think I’m exhausted by the excitement of the day.”

He smiled at her and she felt her cheeks redden at his words. But, before she could say anything, she was lifted from the floor and nestled into his arms. She couldn’t contain a light squeal that made him chucked and she, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, slid her arm around his neck. Except when they kissed for the first time earlier in the garage, it was the first time they had been so closed and both their bodies were tingling all over.

With Sybil in his arms, Tom turned to the man who was eyeing them.

“Have a good night and thank you.”

Without waiting for an answer, he pushed the suitcase in front of him with a foot, entered the room and managed to close the door with his foot again while keeping Sybil in his arms. The door closed with a loud noise and they were soon enveloped in silence.

“You can put me down, now,” said Sybil.

“Shhh,” breathed Tom and she raised a surprised eyebrow to him before realizing he was trying to… hear something.

So she kept quiet, not at all bothered by being so close to him and she finally heard the loud steps of their innkeeper who was walking away down the stairs.

“He’s gone,” Tom murmured after a while as a conspirator.

“He is,” confirmed Sybil while trying to move in Tom’s arms to free herself. “So now, maybe you can put…”

“Don’t you dare do it!”” exclaimed Tom while holding her tighter to him to prevent her from reaching the floor.

“Why? Are you planning on sleeping that way? Because, you may find the night very long…”

“You know, we’re not married, yet,” said Tom, not even noticing her remark. “And I don’t want to take any chances. I’m Irish after all and as an Irishman, I’m quite serious about superstitions. So…”

With Sybil still in his arms, he opened the door again and, after checking the hallway to be sure they were alone, he got out and finally put Sybil down.

“There. Now, we have undone the custom. We’re good for the real day. The next time we enter a room with me holding you in my arms will be on our wedding night.”

Sybil blinked at him then threw herself into his arms, reaching for his face before starting to kiss him until they both were out of breath.

“I love you, Mr Darcy,” she said with a big smile, looking into his eyes.

“Yes…about that…” laughed Tom, reaching for her hand.

He pulled her after him and they rushed into the room, hand in hand, the door closing with another loud noise but this time, for the last time until daybreak.

The end

darkestabsol  asked:

Hey. I heard that Discworld is good, but I don't know what it's about. That, and it's 40-something books and I'm not sure about starting another long series. Help?

Oh man you’d better make your peace with starting a long series because there is literally no way I’m going to not tell you to read Discworld, especially not today.

Okay, so Discworld is actually several series following several sets of characters and some standalone books about other characters, all taking place on the Discworld, which is an entirely flat, circular world sitting on the shoulders of four elephants who stand on the back of a gigantic space turtle. It’s a world a bit off the edge of the reality curve, and yet while Sir Pterry uses (used no no don’t cry it’s just the past tense DO NOT FUCKING CRY ABOUT THE PAST TENSE) uses it to tell fantastical stories, he also uses it to drop the realest shit on you (one of my favourites being “So many crimes are solved by happy accident–an overheard conversation, the wrong phone call, someone of the right nationality just happening to be within five miles of the scene of the crime without an alibi…). He has (had *sobs*) a huge love of wit and wordplay and his writing is jam packed with puns, jokes and twists.

Before I go off on a giant rant, I should mention that Mark Oshiro is doing a “Mark Reads Discworld” series and that if you’re unsure it might be worth popping onto Youtube and listening to him read a few. 

There are several main character sets and if the series at large seems too intimidating it might be good to pick one and start with that.

The Watch: Guards! Guards!, Men At Arms, Feet Of Clay, Jingo, The Fifth Elephant, Night Watch, Thud!, Snuff

Books following the Ankh-Morpork City Watch, the equivalent of the police for the sprawling twin city of Ankh-Morpork, which is one of the central locations of the whole series. While the Discworld at large is fantasy, the Watch books dip into the Crime genre as Captain (later Commander) Sam Vimes and the other various members of the Watch solve crimes and face major social issues such as racism, sexism, cissexism (no really, one of the characters is a dwarf who decides to express herself as openly female even though traditional dwarfish society is one where everybody has a beard and twelve layers of chainmail and is referred to as “he”, and the way her “coming out” is treated by other dwarves and her feelings about it strike a lot of chords with coming out as transgender–or so I’ve been told, not being transgender myself but I can see the parallels), political subterfuge (Jingo was written during the first Gulf War and it’s still so horrifyingly relevant) and rich people thinking they’re above the law (Sam Vimes disagrees). Also Night Watch is a huge homage to Les Mis with morally-flipped Javert and Valjean and it’s amazing, but also equally amazing even if you’re not familiar with Les Mis (which I wasn’t the first twenty times I read it). Along with werewolves, dwarves, trolls, vampires, zombies and Nobby Nobbs (who was disqualified from the human race for shoving), the series will introduce you to my ultimate Life Goal, Lady Sybil Ramkin, a mightily-built woman who breeds pet dragons and is kinda the living embodiment of “do no harm, take no shit”.


The Witches: Equal Rites, Wyrd Sisters, Witches Abroad, Lords and Ladies, Maskerade, Carpe Jugulum

If you like fairy tales and folklore and the power of stories, these are the books for you. Following the Ramtop Witches–predominantly the fierce and powerful old witch Granny Weatherwax; her best friend and cheerful matriarch of a minor army of children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren, Nanny Ogg; Magrat Garlick, the somewhat soppy, pathetic and dreaming young(ish) witch (I identify with Magrat like WHOA so when she gets her moments of power–and she gets at least one per book and when she does DAYUM–it’s so, so wonderful); and the fat, powerfully-voiced junior witch Agnes Nitt. They fight mad dukes (Wyrd Sisters has a plot that’s some kind of amazing hybrid between Hamlet and Macbeth), fairy queens, fairy godmothers, and any force of story that tries to force people into what they should be instead of accepting what they are. As well as the power of stories, they also deal with some heavy moral themes (Carpe Jugulum has an amazing conversation between Granny Weatherwax and a somewhat lost priest about the nature of sin that has had a huge formative effect on me) and has a lot of basis in theatre (aside from all the Shakespeare, Maskerade takes place in an opera house in Ankh-Morpork).


Tiffany AchingThe Wee Free Men, A Hat Full of Sky, Wintersmith, I Shall Wear Midnight

Kind of a subset of the Witches books, these books predominantly follow Tiffany Aching, who starts off nine in the first book and ages two years between each subsequent book. They’re YA (but I mean that in a good way I swear) and they were actually my gateway drug to the Discworld. Tiffany is a little girl from the farming country who has read the dictionary from cover to cover and thinks about things too much and in general is a perfect candidate to be a witch, even though when the books begin they’re outlawed where she lives after the Baron’s son disappeared and everyone decided that the strange old lady who lived alone in the forest was to blame. Tiffany isn’t quite buying that old story, though (and every time she talks about this poor old lady it’s fucking heartbreaking), and it’s good that she doesn’t because fairies are coming to her land, and if you think that’s a good thing you are about to learn very differently. However, she has some help in the form of MY VERY FAVOURITE SPECIES ON THE ENTIRE DISCWORLD: the Nac Mac Feegle, the thievin’, drinkin’, fightin’, six-inch-tall blue Pictsies who were thrown out of Fairyland for being Drunk and Disorderly. They’re FLIPPING HILARIOUS.

I’d say these books are kiiiiinda Discworld Lite? Except A Hat Full of Sky goes some kinda dark places and then I Shall Wear Midnight is DARK AS HELL LIKE WOW I WOULD LET KIDS READ THE FIRST THREE BOOKS BUT MOST DEFINITELY NOT THIS ONE. But they’re all hella good and I think they’re a good first choice of series to go with.


The Wizards–The Colour of Magic, The Light Fantastic, Sourcery, FaustEric, Interesting Times, The Last Continent, The Last Hero, kinda Unseen Academicals

Predominantly following the chronic-failure-of-a-wizard Rincewind, the wizard books are mostly earlier books (The Colour of Magic and The Light Fantastic being the first two Discworld books chronologically, though personally I wouldn’t recommend starting with them–I tried reading The Colour of Magic a few times and couldn’t get into it until I’d read The Wee Free Men and a bunch of others) and are the most about the nature of magic and cover the widest expanse of the Discworld, because Rincewind is extremely good at getting into massive trouble and then running away from it. Rincewind kinda moves out of centre stage in later books in favour of the rest of the colourful faculty of Unseen University in their misadventures. Your favourite character will be the Librarian. The Librarian is everybody’s favourite characters. He’s an orang-utan. There is a reason for this, but nobody cares. He’s an orang-utan and everybody loves him. Ook.


DeathMort, Reaper Man, Soul Music, Hogfather, Thief of Time

These books are all about the Death of the Discworld–seven foot tall, skeletal, black robes, scythe, tends to show up under unfortunate circumstances–and his friends and family. Death is one of the best characters in Discworld but I feel too emotionally compromised to talk about him right now, so let me talk about his granddaughter Susan because she’s the deuteragonist of Soul Music, Hogfather and Thief of Time and she’s amazing. She’s partly human, partly… not, and she keeps trying to carve out a normal life and never quite managing it as she invariably gets drawn in when things are happening that are strange even by the Discworld’s standards (for example, Soul Music is about what happens when Rock Music gets invented, and Hogfather is about what happens when your Santa-equivalent winter figure goes missing and Death has to fill in for him). The stories deal strongly in themes of creativity, imagination and belief, especially Hogfather, and tend to be really, really beautiful. Death cameos in just about every book, but his character development arc across these books is one of the best in all of Discworld. AND HE ALWAYS TALKS LIKE THIS, IN ALL CAPS WITH NO QUOTATION MARKS. YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHEN HE’S SPEAKING TO YOU.


There are a bunch of other standalone books (there are three about Moist Von Lipwig but that’s not a series you want to get to until way later) and my absolute favourite that you should definitely read, if you read nothing else, is Monstrous Regiment. The premise is fairly basic: Polly cuts her hair and pretends to be a boy to join the army and find her brother in the backwards militaristic nation of Borogravia. If you know what the title’s from, it pretty much spoils the plot, but you may have seen it cross my dash enough times to get it anyway if you’re following me :P You want canon lesbians who don’t come to a horrible end? You want varying neurodivergent characters treated with love and respect? You want crossdressers and transgender characters and how to tell the difference? You want major discussion and consideration of gender issues and a Joan of Arc homage who doesn’t get burned? Read Monstrous Regiment. You also get a vampire hallucinating that they’re in the Vietnam War on a world where Vietnam doesn’t actually exist when they run out of coffee.


TL;DR (but please do read): Pick one of the series and read it. I’d highly recommend Tiffany Aching, but The Watch and The Witches are also good starts. The characters and locations and such do intertwine with each other sometimes, but the majority of the books are specifically written so that you can pick them up and enjoy them without having read any of the others.

And you will enjoy them. They’re sweet, they’re sad, they’re terrifying, they’re funny as hell, they’ll really make you think and you’ll be quoting them forever. Don’t be scared of how much is ahead of you: be grateful you have so much to experience for the first time. I guarantee you that once you’ve read them all, it won’t be enough. There could never be enough. But what there is is a gift.

…gotta go cry again brb

Mika Shimotsuki thoughts

A somewhat reply, but really an add-on of my thoughts to this post about the hate towards Mika Shimotsuki.

Ok, so  I agree with the post 100% and would like to add a point I haven’t seen being brought up so far (then again I haven’t stalked the tags except after ep 9). 

So my main point overall that isn’t a repetition of what I have seen so far is Mika’s fear.

WARNING: Spoilers for those who haven’t watched it or gone on the wiki. Also a long ass post with intruding pictures.

So as has been said already, Mika had a horrible experience in which her best friends were killed by a latent criminal and to the best of my memory, even though she warned (at least one of) them about said latent criminal. 

Rikako Oryo everyone, not the best introduction to a latent criminal ESPECIALLY if you have that gut feeling that something isn’t right with them that culminates into your best friends being killed. Yes. Therefore her hatred of latent criminals is completely and utterly justified.

Her subsequent attachment to Yayoi is no surprise however considering Yayoi was the one who comforted her after she learnt about the deaths of her friends and continues to comfort her as an inspector. Not to mention her blatant attraction and respect and the fact that Yayoi saved her life.

So this all explains a) her hatred for latent criminals and b) why Yayoi is the exception. (Though really this should all be obvious by now)

Now to my point I feel hasn’t been addressed yet (and if it has then I haven’t seen it).

Mika’s Fear.

So reading posts and looking at gifs and all after ep 9 (because somehow I missed half of ep 8 watching it the first time) I realised there is plain ignorance and blind hatred in the comments about Mika. 

Yes, she’s a bitch who hates (strongly dislikes?) Akane but well, bitchiness towards Akane and almost all of the enforcers aside she’s somewhat justified in the way she views her sempai. At least in her eyes. Akane represents something Mika, for the life of her cannot understand. 

Why does this woman treat latent criminals so well (like human beings instead of the monsters they are)? Why isn’t she following the rules? Why is she so dismissive and gung-ho about her own ways of doing things? Why does the Chief let her run free?

These are just some of the questions I think run through Mika’s mind. Akane Tsunemori is an existence she can’t understand, and you all know what they say happens when someone can’t understand something. They either fear or hate it or ignore its existence. Three guesses as to what Mika’s doing. Well actually I believe it’s a mix of the first and last points.

Moving on, I also sincerely believe that Mika is trying to push Akane onto what she see’s as the right path. Or at the very least, prevent her sempai from becoming a latent criminal by telling her to stop what the fuck she is doing. Mika doesn’t understand current Akane (and you just need to look at her talk with Gino as my back-up to this point) and so she dislikes her and goes against her, but she also wants the inspector to well, become better. Follow the rules. I feel this is a sentiment buried underneath her dislike but it’s still there.

But back to my mention of ignorance regarding Mika after ep 9. 

Mika.

Is.

Absolutely.

Fucking.

Terrified.

Like really guys? REALLY? People are going to LAUGH at that? And then go on to say, ‘why the hell doesn’t she tell Akane?’ or ‘she needs to get her priorities straight’. Like, no really, my mind is reeling. I don’t get it. 

Because:

1. FEAR IS THE BEST MOTIVATOR TO CONTROL SOMEONE’S ACTIONS.

2. Mika is terrified at the end of ep 8 and start of 9; terrified of the Sybil System (because Chief is Sybil) but more immediately of Tougane who happens to be a latent criminal of which she hates so much AND is backed by the utmost authority in their whole society.

3. She is told the truth of the Sibyl System and basically threatened by the Sibyl System itself that she is way out of line. And YES, Tougane counts as the Sibyl System, rather an extension of it considering the Chief supports each and every one of his decisions and actions. 

4. She doesn’t like Akane because she doesn’t understand her.

5. She has been brought up in a society where the Sibyl System is your judge, jury and executioner and has basically been indoctrinated into this system of ideals and beliefs. (Consider the Chief calling her a model citizen)

6. And finally she is still young, inexperienced, confused and just in case it isn’t clear terrified. Her habit of making bad decisions is all due to her past experiences but well ‘people make bad choices if they’re mad or scared or stressed’ and removing it from fluffy context, I believe this wholly applies to Mika starting from the death of her best friends.

Now, with these points how the hell do you expect this woman to just up and tell Akane?!!!!! If I were Mika, I would be feeling like there was an impenetrable wall in front of me that I can in no way get past. 

See this? This is basically a visual representation of her being held back by fear of acting out on her own against the absolute word of authority aka Chief Kasei. Even if she is faced with a horrible situation. And this is all before the encounter in ep 8. So imagine how unwilling she would be to act on her own now. It’s almost at unfathomable levels. But I will agree it also doesn’t help that she’s not sympathetic to Akane’s ideals in the first place.

As a summary though:

  1. Mika has been through a horrible experience regarding latent criminals so her hate is justified.
  2. She is now terrified of Tougane and the Chief (and effectively leashed by them)
  3. She is basically a model citizen, indoctrinated with the belief that the Sibyl System is all that is good in the world. Therefore going against that is unthinkable.
  4. She’s just a young woman who is way out of her depth here.

Just for some little thoughts though, didn’t we all feel sorry for Mika in season 1? And if you say you didn’t then I’m gonna call you out on your bullshit. She’s been through harrowing ordeals and to say that she deserves what she is going through? And deserves it because of her antagonistic actions towards Akane?

Not. Ok. 

Not ok in the slightest. Also for all those who bring Kougami or Akane into it. Just consider Akane’s attitude towards Mika isn’t reflective of the fandoms in any way. And what would Kougami do? I don’t believe Ko would say she deserved it, not in the slightest. Plus he knows firsthand what the effects of someone close to you getting killed can do to a person. Ko is probably the one person who can understand what is going through Mika’s mind. Because a) Both their close ones were killed in a similar way and b) They were/are guilt ridden and driven to a purpose because of it. Ko was driven to catch Makishima and Mika to become an inspector.

Also consider how she’s basically the new Gino but much more hateful and proactive about it. And no, I wasn’t instantly head over heels for Gino, in fact I was expecting to but his attitude irked me and it continued until he developed. I was already far too taken by Makishima and Kougami anyway.

Now, I won’t say I am a number one fan of Mika’s. Her attitude towards Akane annoys me still but just like Gino’s character developed I believe that Mika’s will too and am honestly excited for it. We just need to remember that she is the way she is because of a traumatising past and is unfortunately not a better person (in our eyes anyway) because of it but she can and she will grow.

(I’m also curious to see if any of you disagree with me about my speculations of her and why; mainly regarding the part about her wanting to better Akane and what Kougami would think)

anonymous asked:

Steve and Darcy meet for the first time when she accidentally triggers one of Tony's devices which hits Steve. Hard. In the groin. No one had ever seen Steve go down like that before. Or make such a sound. Or cry and heave. Darcy becomes infamous and tries to figure out how to properly convey "Sorry for almost breaking your junk."

It was one-hundred and fifty three percent not her fault, give or take three percent. She wasn’t even meant to be there. She wouldn’t have if Stark hadn’t collared Jane and, well, wherever Jane went Darcy seemed to follow.

‘Hold this.’ Two little words that ended her life. Her social life at least. God, she was never going to live down the look on Captain America’s face as he cupped himself and crumpled to the floor in agony.

There were really only so many ways to say, ‘Sorry, I broke your penis.’

“What are you doing?” Jane says, twisting the laptop screen around. “Your resume? Really, Darcy…”

“Excuse me, when a video of you destroying a national treasure’s, er, treasure…”

“I don’t think Steve Rogers genetalia are along the same lines as the Washington Monument.”

“It probably isn’t now,” Darcy says, drawing out the word. She tilts back the laptop screen and tries to find a better way of writing ‘unpaid minion’ and not break any of the NDA’s she had to sign in triplicate to follow after Dr. Foster like a little duckling.

“When did you  minor in Norse Studies?”

“After New Mexico. I told you about it.”

“But you still call Mjolnir mew-mew.”

“Oh my God, Jane, shut up,” Darcy snarls digging her fingers into her hair. “No wait, do you think it would be better if I just, you know, erased my identity and…”

“You can do that?”

“Like it’s hard?” Darcy smirks as she twists her hair up onto a messy bun and steals the pen dangling between Janes thin fingers to hold it up.

“Excuse me, Dr. Foster, may I have a word with Ms. Lewis for a moment,” Captain Rogers asks.

Adrenaline spikes through Darcy’s system. Her hand reflexively reaching for a weapon, but the only thing on her little piece of countertop besides her laptop was a notebook, a stress ball (in the same of Iron Man’s helmet) and a cup of Lady Grey tea.

“Oh, God,” Darcy says wondering if its too late to hide or to bribe Jane to pull the fire alarm.

“Sure,” Jane, the traitor, says, patting Darcy’s arm and scooting away on her chair. “You two kids have fun.”

“Sorry,” she says for what feels like the millionth time. Or maybe more like a billion. A fucktillion?

“I just wanted to thank you,” Steve says.

“Was that a question?”

“No?”

“Are you fucking with me?”

“Not especially,”  Steve says, the corner of his mouth lifting up in a fraction of a smile.

“Exactly why are you thanking me?”

“The fruit basket,” he says pulling a tiny white card from his pocket. Darcy grabs it out of his hand. Steve leans against the countertop and Darcy considers the possibility of getting that little piece of of counter bronzed for posterity.

Dear Captain,

Sorry about the whole potential need for the little blue pills. Have some fruit on me.

Darcy Lewis

xoxo

p.s. Dinner sometime? If you can ever forgive me.

“This is my handwriting,” Darcy says running her fingers over the swirly mark of her signature. “But I didn’t send you anything. Fruit or sausage or whatever. Sorry. Cap.”

“Plums.”

Darcy’s jaw drops, face flaming with color. Steve’s eyebrows raise, and he drags his teeth along the side of his bottom lip.

“No.”

“They were delicious,” Steve says sincerely.

“Oh shit.”

He holds himself still for a few moments, while Darcy calculates who exactly she needs to kill and who to ask to do the job. His eyes are wide and blue, so innocent and angelic, it makes her feel dirty. For all of thirty seconds. His shoulders shake just a little and bursts into a deep laugh, hand curling over his heart.

“Asshole,” Darcy hisses, affronted.  “That joke is lame.”

Steve snorts, “I thought so too.” He pulls his phone out of his pocket, swipes his thumb over the screen, types in the passcode and turns the phone to her. On the screen is a picture of a fruit basket, or more like a trunk filled with bunches of bananas and plums. It’s not funny. Except when she imagines the look that must have been on Cap’s face when he found the basket.

“Stark or Foster?”

“I don’t really know Dr Foster, so I assume it’s Stark. Nat prefers springing blind dates on me.”

“Captain America needs blind dates?”

“No, but Steve Rogers apparently does,” Steve shrugs.