MERCY BAE AS A VERY BELATED B’DAY PRESSIE TO MY GREAT FRIEND @grey-mess <3 I’m so sorry this is so late!!
Still trying to figure out why the colours are acting weird in Photoshop??? When I convert it to a gif or even a PNG? Idk somethings up, I’m gonna fiddle with the settings. Also tried a slightly different style this time. :D Experimenting is fun and its good practice!
A post about the show 13 reasons why and why I don’t like Hannah Baker.
By the end of the first episode I really didn’t like Hannah. This didn’t change, not even when I felt emphaty. I’m really sorry if I’m one of the bad guys, I’m really sorry if I end up offending someone. But, remember, I’m a flawed person too. A person who needs to write her thoughts now.
The tapes: for me, revenge. As I see it, the tapes were Hannah’s way to get revenge on everyone who hurt her. They were not about explaining, making people understand, showing how people change. No, they were about payback and haunting. And if you want to tell me otherwise, I’m all ears. People told me she wanted to leave an explanation. She didn’t. Because the ones who deserved the explanation more than anyone were her parents, yes, the ones who were broken in a million pieces after her death. In fact, I cannot forgive Hannah Baker for killing part of her parents when she died in that bathtub.
Justin: we learn how Justin started everything, everything that lead her to her death. Yeah. But we also see how messed up his life was. The reason for him to act like an idiot. I grew fond of Justin. I understood him in some ways. I cannot defend him, I cannot say it was OK, none of it was. He did terrible things but in the end… He was so troubled I don’t think he could distinguish between right and wrong at any point. I feel weird cause, after all he did to Hannah and Jess, I have the strange emphaty towards him. Maybe I’m like him in some way, maybe I’m the kind who allows things to happen.
Jess: Jess was wrecked by the tapes. She went through hell. And maybe she wasn’t a good friend. But neither was Hannah. Telling everyone how Jess got raped and couldn’t even remember it was not fair at all. Saying Jess destroyed the friendship by herself was low. And I’ll defend Jess, yeah, cause no one did, cause Hannah pointed her finger but, apparently, she didn’t fight too hard to keep the friendship. Also, friends come and go, I’m sorry to say. And you cannot, ever, blame someone for your suicide because this person grew apart and couldn’t be a real friend to you for too long.
Zach: shit with Zach was weird, I’m gonna defend him too. He had things of his own, and he really liked her, apparently, she didn’t give him a chance. And he wasn’t mean to her cause he “didn’t get what he wanted”, he was mean in response to her being an asshole, too. So, Hannah can be hurt and be an idiot, but if the others do the same, they are monsters?
Marcus: total asshole. Tipical teenager. He didn’t care much. But he didn’t deserve to be tormented either.
Sheri: wtf? She did one thing wrong and this is proof the world is fucked up and a reason to kill yourself? The girl was nothing but kind and was ate by guilt before and after the tapes, did she deserve to be haunted like this? I don’t think so.
Courtney: one more that was judged because she wasn’t a real friend and didn’t want to be so, either. Can you blame her? No. She wasn’t true to herself? Maybe. Who am I to judge? Who was Hannah? Courtney was an idiot but she didn’t deserve to be exposed.
Ryan: another idiot, yes. Bad behaviour, selfish and all. Does he deserve to live his life thinking he was a reason for someone to commit suicide? I don’t think so. He deserved to pay for his actions, he deserved to know he acted wrong. But in the end he was just an idiot who didn’t try to destroy her in any way.
Tyler: the one who really needed some therapy. He was always bullyed and laughed at, even by Hannah. He had some real problems and carrying responsibility for her suicide would lead to some things that are much bigger than what was already shown. So, this is just an example of the consequences of the tapes.
Bryce: didn’t get to listen to the tapes. We never learn why Bryce was like he was. We never see him being punished and Hannah punishes everyone but him. So Clay has to do it for her. She wanted someone to fight for her and that I understand, mainly because I cannot imagine how she felt. Do I blame Bryce? For many things, yes. For her suicide? No. Because she doesn’t put all the blame in him. He’s not the last drop so at some point she thought she could handle things in a different way, she didn’t.
Mr Porter: he was not more than a counselor, and he cannot carry responsibility for her suicide. Was he good as a counselor? Probably not. Was he useful? Not at all. Everyone is fighting their own battles day after day, he was too, and that’s why he wasn’t there for her. How could he know? Can he be guilty because he gave a crappy advice and didn’t go after her like she wanted? I don’t think so. She left. That’s on her.
Clay: she put Clay through hell, for what? FOR WHAT? he felt like crap, he felt guilty, he faced some shit he clearly didn’t deserve to. So, why? Listening to the tapes was pure torture to Clay. She affected him for good and that doesn’t seem fair at all. She put him in danger, a danger he didn’t deserve. Torturing Clay was low, and I cannot accept it, I cannot like Hannah Baker when I know she was totally aware of how bad the tapes would hit Clay.
Alex: the ultimate consequence… The list was a childish stupid shit to do, yes. Going to the boy’s locker room was too. Why did she do that? She wasn’t allowed there and it was obvious they would talk even more after that. Blaming him for destroying Hannah and Jesse’s friendship? Unfair and stupid. Alex was a thunderstorm, he had so much going on inside his head, he couldn’t even handle Hannah’s thunder, or anything else, to be honest. I would have liked to learn more about him… After all, Hannah’s suicide lead to his. So, are we to blame Hannah the way she blamed him? Alex couldn’t handle the pressure, the guilt and he gives all the signs, he silently walks to his death and noone sees it, no one cares. So what good did the tapes do? They didn’t prevent anything, on the contrary, they lead to destruction and more and more pain. Hannah wanted to be a ghost seeking revenge and she got it.
The parents: the ones who are fucked up without doing anything, without stupid tapes to explain shit. The main reason why I can’t stand Hannah is the fact that, when she killed herself, she was gone, the pain was gone, and exactly at this moment her parent’s worst nightmare began. She didn’t think of them. She didn’t leave a note for them. She dedicated her last week to torment all the kids at school but not a word for her parents. Her mother’s desperation crushed me. She killed herself but she broke them, in a million pieces, never to be put together again. Can you tell me that’s not selfish? Not even a little? I just cannot forgive something like that, because finding your kid dead in the tub is pretty much the worst thing a parent can face.
Edit: if you don’t agree and GET MAD at me, please don’t reply. If you agree or don’t and want to reply with your own non-aggressive opinion, please reply.
Edit 2: in case you didn’t understand, I don’t judge the reasons for which she killed herself, I don’t dislike her because of that. I just don’t like the tapes themselves and the apparent reasons for which she left them.
Oh i like to flip my knife cleaver flip it in the air Where will it land well i really don’t care —– Inspired on THIS video (warning for blood and cuts and all of that (there is a warning in the beginning of the video but))
i don’t know if i should color it :0 – maybe i will do it later… (and add something else heheh)
I have been missing you for six years now, and seeing your face on television and sometimes in the papers, I wish I could talk to you. We had such happy times together – in your pink bedroom, in your garden, all through your house. Although I was a couple of years older than you (your mom being pregnant with Burke when my mom was pregnant with me) I always liked playing with you best. You were funny and smart and liked ice cream as much as I did.
Do you remember how my mom taught us, at the Boulder Salad place, when we were spooning the ice cream into our cones, to tap the cones halfway through to make the ice cream sink so we could get more in? That was the last time we saw each other and it was such a good time. After you were gone, my mother asked if I thought you were missing ice cream. I said right away, “Mom, there’s ice cream in heaven.” I hope I was right.
I sure wish you were with me now that we’re teenagers. True, you wouldn’t be quite 13, but you seemed older than your years. Even when I knew you, you were never just this little kid running around. You always had plans, some project or other, something to do. I was never bored when I was with you. Now we could be going to Pearl Street Mall, two blondes together, and beyond hating the blond jokes. (You never got old enough to hate the blond jokes like I did.)
We could hang out on campus and look at what the college girls wear. When I was the age you’d be now, there was a big production of The Nutcracker. Sometimes I’d go and watch the rehearsals. You would have been one of the dancers, I bet.
I know you loved Christmas and the Pearl Street Mall is so pretty now with all of the lights. There’s another mall to go to now, too, as big as a town itself, with its own streets. I love it when my mom takes me there. You can get everything cool there, like at Abercrombie & Fitch, American Eagle, Polo and Ralph Lauren. At least those are what I like. There’s all of these new styles. You wouldn’t be old enough probably, to start asking your mom if you could have you bellybutton pierced, like I just did. And, of course, she said absolutely not! Maybe you’d say “Yuck!” Me, too, a couple of years ago. But now it seems ok, even cool.
And remember how we’d tease your brother all of the time?
“Let’s go bother Burke,” you’d say. And so we would go in his room where he was playing his Nintendo endlessly and unplug his computer. And then he would say “Heck, I was at the highest level!” And we would run away, go into your bathroom and lock the door, and he would be banging on it and we would be giggling behind it.
I’m so sad that you can’t be here to watch your brother grow up and change. Like my brother Matthew was distant for awhile and how he’s my friend and takes me to his classes at CU sometimes. He’s gong ot be an astrophysicist. I wonder what Burke is doing now.
The last time I saw him we were at Dougie’s house and he was so sad and grieving and hardly could talk from missing you. I wanted to hug him, but I couldn’t.
That last year you had a pink Christmas tree in your room. There were Christmas trees in every room of your house, all with presents under them, and I was tempted to be jealous because in our house we had only one Christmas tree for everybody.
But I didn’t really feel like being jealous because you always shared everything. If there was one cookie left, you would split it and give the biggest half to me. I really loved you for being kind and generous always.
You would have been such a good friends to me now in this kind of difficult time of learning to drive and all of that.
Maybe you would have been wanting to go to Boulder High like I do. I’d be telling you about all of these neat classes, like my catering class. We learned to make snickerdoodles at first and then we learned how to make Thanksgiving dinner. And the team sports. I did softball starting last summer and now I’m on the swim team.
You would be great at team sports becaue you always got along with everybody. You would still be too young for boyfriends (and wouldn’t need them!) and we would talk about sthat stuff. I miss you. You were so funny and always thought of things to do that might tick off the parents.
You would really love the Harry Potter books because they are full of magic. The Harry Potter movies are good, too. And maybe you’d like Eminem’s rap music and the movie 8 Mile. And concerts at Chataugua (a local park) And quieter things, like walks at Chataugua at sunrise with the dogs. Some things don’t change, like the Boulder Christmas Star, which has been lit for several weeks now, high on the hill that we could see from both our houses. Maybe you are looking at it now from above at least our eyes can meet there.
I know you loved your life and I loved your life too. And knowing how much you loved yours, I must love mine the more. I will always be thinking of you and hoping you have ice cream in heaven. I know you are an angel there and someday I will be with you.
The clouds will be pink like the walls of your room and we will be laughing together and looking forward, and back, and not missing each other anymore.
A/N: Hi. Here’s the fourth installment of this joshifer drabble turned series. Any resemblance to actual usernames, email addresses etc. is purely coincidental. Any mistake is just me forgetting how to English. I hope you like it.
Email sent to
To: Mom From:
Jennifer Subject: Bored and other stuff Date: June 7,
2015 10:12 AM
I realized I haven’t contacted you
since you and Dad came to visit me last Tuesday. Glad to see you two
even for just a while. I know you won’t believe it but your surprise
visit really did surprise me. So please stop giving Dad the cold
shoulder. You knew that man couldn’t keep a secret to save his life
and yet you still married him.