i realize that it hasnt been a day since my last post

ye great big homestuck story post

see like, i wasn’t gonna do this post because im a weird hipster who hates doing stuff everyone else is doing but then @imbirds did one and i mean you’re kind of an asshole if you don’t do one after your fiance writes one and mentions you so 
this is kind of part homestuck and part cosplay in general
so im in 4th year uni right now, actually, about ending my 4th year, and you know what? to this day, i haven’t made a single close friend in ubc at all. all the friends that ive made that i talk to regularly have been because of this fucking comic. like, i literally have a fiance because of this fucking comic.
back in 2013, i was in my first year of university, living with my dog, just having come out as trans after getting out of my mom’s house. 2013 june, which is when i first went into homestuck, i had literally spent an entire year of my life cooped up in my tiny on-campus apartment, with my dog and my then cat, in a situation where i could honest to god go weeks without speaking a single word, because i never left the house, i never spoke to anyone but my friends from highschool alex and lee, who would come over to visit me. i would go to class, come home, occasionally buy groceries, and walk my dog. the only interaction with people was from the dog park which i went to often with rydge, and then never spoke to the other dog people other than talking directly to their dogs. just to give you a kind of idea of exactly how isolated i was. 

honestly, i wasn’t even intending to go to ae 2013, where i first encountered vanstuck. after meeting my ex at fanexpo earlier that same year, and going through the abusive truck drive that bullshit was, i had no intentions of going to more conventions, since i wasn’t good at cosplaying, and i had no money. but my sister, who my mom sent to me for the summer, wanted me to cosplay karkat, i think for her jade blog, or something, and karkat looked easy enough, plus, this kid was literally me in middle school, angry, small, shouty, with equally sentient hair. so i slapped on some gray paint and roughly made some horns. i made my first clawsickle too, that i ended up giving away at tsukinocon 2014 in a homestuck panel, because i wasn’t good at much but i was decent at props. on friday of ae, my social anxiety was so bad i was pretty much having anxiety attacks the entire day. people complimented me on my clawsickle and other homestucks smiled at me because i was also homestuck and after a year of isolation that was clearly TOO MUCH SOCIAL INTERACTION but also it was amazing and awesome?? vanstuck ended up being the first place i actually came out as trans and found nothing but acceptance. i stayed up all night that friday night sewing a godtier because all i wanted to have was for someone to want a picture of my cosplay, and at the time, the godtiers looked so cool and i wanted to be a part of that too. i mean, obviously, on saturday, the godtier group wasn’t there, but you know what i did meet @imbirds, who did trickster john on friday and i briefly talked to, and godtier dave on saturday. i thought he was so fucking cool. i thought everyone was so fucking cool and i couldn’t believe they were actually talking to me and that these people actually liked the bullshit cosplay that i managed to pull together. 

like look at that shit. you see that? that was my first sewn cosplay, it was just the cape and i handsewed it on friday night for 8 hours with lee and my sister’s help, because i wanted that badly to be included. literally none of that is sewn right, the hood is entirely bullshit and tears, that’s my actual hair but not cut short enough for karkat, there’s ben nye everywhere because someone told me i just needed sealer and not powder too and my clawsickle was made of 2lbs of model magic, not even fully dried, because even in 2013 as a wee bab homestuck i wanted desperately to stand out and be acknowledged in some form. that’s the fucking bullshit @imbirds met me in and still thought, wow, that’s a person i would like to get to know. 

but you know what? ive never gotten more compliments on my cosplay before vanstuck. vanstuck was honestly just– like, i remember coming back home to my apartment and ranting to alex and stuff about how it was literally the most amazing thing ever. that the people were so friendly and accepting and encouraging and there were picnics and events and just. ive been in a lot of fandoms. ive been in fandoms before some of my friends were sentient human beings. and homestuck was and still is the first fandom ever, where people would walk around, SEE OTHER HOMESTUCKS THEY DIDN’T EVEN KNOW and just invite them!! to events! like the photoshoot! Panels! fucking picnics!! how do i even describe what that felt like to a kid who just came out, still untreated with depression and anxiety and a host of other bullshit who hasnt made a single friend all year? there was something magical about those days that i realized now ive been trying to get back and i just cant find it, either because im never going to be that awkward 18 year old again or just that vanstuck was honestly such an amazing organized group and nothing like that is ever going to exist again for me. 

like, prior to homestuck, i did three cosplays, none of which i made, and none of the fandoms of whom ever, ever actually included me, because i was young, 14ish when i went to my first con, and had no idea how to put together a cosplay. you wanna see my shit now?

those are from last year. thats a fancytier and a godtier

the militarystuck karkat in the centre, that’s the third ever homestuck cosplay i made in 2013 summer, for C&E. i didn’t end up getting boots or pants because i ran out of money, nothing was sewn right, as usual, like, i dont even think i planned on ever making that, because it seemed impossible, but this fucking. there was literaly just this militarystuck group that didnt have a karkat and i asked if i could join and they didnt know who the fuck i was and they just. said yes??

that’s militarystuck also from a year ago. but like, just…
i never planned on getting into cosplay. my day used to be MADE just with someone recognizing who i was, three years ago. 

ballgown dreamer karkat, in 2013, i made that because i started getting?? recognition?? for?? cosplay?? like that’s fucking amazing. people LIKED the shit i made. people thought i was GOOD AT THINGS. ive literally NEVER been good at anything in my life before homestuck.

dreamers in 2015 emerald city comic con with @imbirds whom basically since we’ve met ive been doing everything with. 

idk i know this post is getting really off track but like. i just. dont know where i’d be if i never got into homestuck? i met so many amazing people though it, i didn’t fucking kill myself because i had COSPLAYS TO DO and people would LIKE MY COSPLAYS and thats?? incredible?? and tbh im so glad that the fandom i went to, that vanstuck was so, so welcoming because i would have never ever gotten to the level i am now with cosplay if the fandom had genuinely been shit and had torn me down. i wouldve never gotten to where i am now where im actually happy with my life, where i have things to look forward to, where i can fucking make cosplay plans for 5 years later because im actually going to live to five years later because i want to live to five years later and ten years later and fifty years later and i hope im this tiny old man screaming at kids on my lawn and still reminiscing about 2013 when some kid gave me a granola bar and now we’re married and someone told me hey i like what you do for the first time in my life.

the last two are from a week ago, emerald city comic con 2016. look at me. look how far ive come. 
just
fucking
i know there’s shit homestucks and the fandom is problematic like any other big fandom and you can hate the comic and hate the fans all you want but tbh i’d be dead if i didn’t decide to slap on gray paint that friday of ae 2013 and dragged my ass to the con. because that was honestly the starting point of basically everything good in my life

Gray and Juvia and their development

Recently there has been an outburst in Gray and Juvia hate. Comments like “Gray Fullbastard "or "gray is just an emmotional stripper ”,“Juvia is just a stalker” “Juvia is stupid ” and so on can easily be spotted everywhere and its awful because people dont realize how much both him and Juvia have grown emotionally. Ill start with Gray first. GRAY FULLBUSTER a boy whose family was taken away from him at a young and fragile age ,then taken in by ur and finding a somewhat new family with her and Lyon was forced into watching her die because of his mistake, once again he had failed in protecting those who he loves.Gray losing people he cherishes is a pattern that is well known to many people.Throughout Fairy Tail gray in my opinion is one of the people who has suffered most. The deliora tragedy taking both his family and ur,ultear sacrificing herself, his father pretending to be one of his deepest fears and fighting him and after revealing hes actually just a corpse controlled by keith asking his son to kill him in which gray broke down,later juvia defeats gray and he has to yet a second time lose silver and lastly the future impact on him when it gets revealed Natsu is E. n. D. Now excuse me but Gray is meant to have some issues when you think about everything hes been through.Juvia perfectlh understands that he needs someone in his life to stay by him and love him unconditionally and Gray has come to realize it too. In the beginning of Fairy Tail Gray wasnt one to smile much but now we see him smiling lots probably due to the fact he spent six months with her. Six whole months he lived with someone under the same roof ,he probably hasnt done that since he shared a house with ur and lyon. They worked together, trained together ,they had meals together.You can even see how much emotional development he has on different colours. From being disturbed by juvias presence to letting her cuddle in him and hug him whenever.Juvia has a big role in Grays development like it or not. Shes the person Gray has apologized to most in the series in fact other than her i remember him apologizing to lucy and thats it. When juvia confronted him we see Gray freaked out,he grabs her shoulders and asks her what shes doing here then apologizes,its clear he isnt satisfied with saying just sorry and wants to do it proper but the timing isnt right. Another example during the 413 days omake juvia knits him a scarf which he refuses and its left on the ground but later on the slayer dork remembers ur put a scarf on him as a child and assosiates urs love to juvias, he runs to the place the scarf last was seen and desperately searches to find it ,when he does he puts it on with a blush and says its warm. Grays an ice make mage he himself earlier noted the cold doesnt bother him but the scarf makes him warm in another way. Like in that panel where gray held frosch and said “it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside..” that is probably the same way juvias scarf and love make him feel. The next morning he apologizes to her a genuine apology because he realized he acted bad and i am sure gray knows how much juvia meeting him changed her life.From a man with a heart surrounded by a wall of ice to a man whos heart is slowly but surely melting,from a man who hid his tears to one that trusted juvia with them and his pain,Gray has surely come a long way. Now Juvia JUVIA LOCKSER a girl who unlike any other fairy tail member has had no one 17 years of her life.As a kid juvia had no one to look up to, no one to share with, no mother or dad to give her goodnight kisses, no friends to play with all she had was sorrow and the dolls she made to chase away the rain. We see her bullied,avoided as if shes the plague and when she thought she had found someone to accept her he turned out to be a douche named bora. Juvias story is one of the most relatable to,kids all around the world get abandoned each day, get bullied,get sucked up by deppression. Thats how juvias first years passed by, in loneliness and sorrow that is until she found a family in Fairy Tail. For the first time she experienced things known as love and actually having friends she can lean on. Half her life she was rejected but Fairy tail accepted her as she is. One of the moments i really came to admire Juvia was during the fantasia arc, everyone else fought against eachother but she refused to she prefered sacrificing herself rather than hurting a comrade that is how selfless juvia is.Another example was during her fight with meredy where she broke her own leg to protect gray and meredy convincing her that as long as there is love in your life you keep on living. A more recent example her keith vs silver fight. The task of defeating keith was up to her given by none other than silver, even earlier he spotted the connection she and his son have, but killing keith meant killing the father of her loved one juvia nevertheless carried out her duty.Later she confronts Gray and tells him she had killed the necromancer, no one in the guild had mentioned anything about it, gray himself had no idea she could have easily avoided telling him but she didnt.Juvia went to gray and told him what happened she was even ready to give up on loving one of the hardest things she probably put herself up to, when gray gripped her she was ready for him to hit her and accepted it with tears in her eyes ,thats how much she hurt, but instead he hugs her and apologizes. Now for the people who say shes a stalker heres the meaning “a person who harrasses another person as a former lover,a famous person etc often in an aggressive or illegal way”.Juvia has never ever harrassed Gray im any way in fact the only time she “stalked him "was before she was a part of fairy tail and who wouldnt hide, she was one of the villains she kidnapped grays comrade amd almost fried him. And just to say that i am positive that most of you "juvia is a stalker” have stalked someone in your life and would never do what she did for gray truth be told. From a lonely girl to someone filled with love juvia too has come a long way. This turned out rather long so i apologize but i needed to say whats been on my mind for quite long and im sorry if this insulted anyone in any way

IR Fic Recs

Couple days ago cherrylovesichi asked me to recommend some fics to her and while I was in the process of listing them off I realized I’ve read more than I thought I initially had lol SO I decided in the hopes of being organized (for once) to make of post listing off some I enjoy w/a few comments here and there. NOTE: Since I’m very bad at finishing multifics the bulk of these will be oneshots

I’ll also be putting a ✼ next to writers tht you shld rlly check out. With tht settled LET US BEGIN!

ONESHOTS

First chapter reflects on Byakuya’s feelings abt losing Hisana while the second follows Rukia’s feelings abt losing Ichigo. It was this fic tht had me wanting to see them bond over these shared feelings of losing a loved one even tho their experience w/this loss is drastically different.

Short but still poignant I think

I never knew I wanted to know abt Hanataro’s thoughts on Ichigo and Rukia until I read this fic

I’ll let this one speak for itself. Mainly Ichigo reflecting on the contradictions of his relationship with Rukia

A short, fun fic. Slight NSFW because Ichigo can’t keep his thoughts in check if ya know what Im sayin’ lol

Not gonna lie this is a purely self indulgent fic pick. But hey four words, Nervous first time Ichigo, tht is all you rlly need to know. NSFW

Very Interesting use of the unreliable narrator. Ichiruki is implied but it’s there. WARNING: ANGST UP AHEAD

There are many fics detailing Ichigo’s time during the 17 month time skip so finding a Rukia centered one was very refreshing. 

SPEAKING OF THE TIME SKIP. First one is Ichigo’s thought and feelings abt being w/out Rukia while the second one is abt Rukia’s thoughts before she returns his powers back to him

A funny, lighthearted fic tht takes the overused mistletoe fic down a slightly different road

Well written short reads abt Rukia’s thoughts on Ichigo losing his powers which is always A++++ in my book

I’m always a sucker for fics tht take place in the tiny inbetween peaceful moments in canon. This is a series of three fics tht place in earlier Bleach. Just…pls read them! 

Ichigo and Rukia’s thought on each other written in an interesting format. PS this happens to be my buddy rudekia who is a great writer and who I hope can get back to writing pls give them lots of love

Another one of those fics tht take place inbetween events in canon. Very well written and Rukia making fun of Ichigo’s sideburns is always a plus. 

Ok let me just say tht these two might be my favorites tht I’ve ever read. Tbh I rlly love this author I think they write Ichigo and Rukia so beautifully I can sing praises for them for hours

Multifics

I know everyone and their mother have already recommended this fic but it’s just tht good. If you havent read it already do yourself a favor and get on it. It isnt ridiculously long. 

Thts right I’m pulling you all into my own personal hell of reading a fic with an interesting idea and good characterization only to find tht it’s unfinished and hasnt been touched in YEARS. JOIN ME ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL! (Note: In this one I’m linking to their version on AO3 just because it’s more recent)

This is yet another fic w/a promising plotline and YET…it’s incomplete. Why is the world so cruel? (Note: This story is only on their AO3 account)