i rather be dead

anonymous asked:

I'm sorry you hate me so much. Im sorry you'd rather see me dead. I'm sorry you want me to rot in hell. I never meant to hurt you. But I'm happy. And if you can't be happy for me, then you can fuck right off.

I always get so disgusted when I see anti-vaxx celebrities (and non-celebrities, honestly, because I see those people too) talking about why they won’t vaccinate their children. It’s always about how they went in with a  healthy child and after the vaccines they “lost” their child to autism. I find that to be such a disgusting way of thinking, and they think saying those things doesn’t effect autistic individuals, but it absolutely does. 

One of my best friends from high school was autistic. He was interviewed by a local news channel about the presentations he did about autism, and his actual words when they asked him about the anti-vaxxing movement were, “What I hear whens someone says that, is that I would rather have a dead child than a child like you.”  He thinks that’s not okay. And it isn’t, it’s an awful way of thinking. I can’t imagine being so selfish, so deluded.

I understand everyone wants a healthy, happy, intelligent child. But Autism does not get in the way of that if you can learn how to communicate effectively with them and have patients. 

A recent coming out story

When you finally come out to your religious mother and the first thing she says is
“You need help”
Not only did she say that but she compared me being gay saying it’s as bad as if I was a wife beater or child molester.
And now her and my father are making decisions about taking me out of my art school, the only place I feel like myself, the only place I can hang out with my real friends and I never feel out of place, just because it’s “surrounded by gays”
It’s not going to make a difference

All of my friends at my school is like my second family. I don’t want to leave just because of my family’s religion believes being gay is a sin. I don’t even want to be a part of the religion yet they still force me to.
I don’t know what to do anymore honestly. I rather run away and live my friends then listen to my mother go on about how being gay is wrong.

I have been going to sleep at 7 am everyday
I’ve been loosing my sanity day by day
No plans on eating food today

I’m not even as strong as they say
Because even though I get through this
Day by day
I’m slowing giving up
In every way

I’m forgetting the words to say
When someone asks “are you okay?”

I’m forgetting how it feels
To be okay

I don’t want to feel this way

I honestly haven’t felt this shitty in a long time. Recently everyone has been reminding me that i have no friends. like i didn’t know that already. I got home after having an okay day and i joined a call with some people and as soon as i started talking one person said “Why do you keep joining this call? Don’t you have your own friends?” The only way I could respond was with a no. Cause that’s the sad truth. I don't have any friends. Even the one person I can call a friend is not even that anymore. My mom even mentioned that i have no friends. I get it. 
I’m sick of people saying “well everyone else is just stupid if they don’t like you.” I would understand if its just a few people, but when everyone ignores you and chooses not to talk to you/acknowledge your existence then it just can’t be cause they’re stupid. I don’t think the whole world is fucking retarded. It must be me. I understand if they hate me. Cause I hate me too. Do you know how much it hurts to get up everyday and be ignored? The only time people acknowledge me is to make fun of me. I’m getting really tired of dealing with this everyday. I’m at the point where i can’t take it anymore. 


Character Aesthetics Juliette Ferrars


   I’ve finally gotten to a point in my life where I’m not afraid to speak. 

                         Where my shadow no longer haunts me. 

    And I don’t want to lose that freedom–not again. I can’t go backward. 

       I’d rather be shot dead screaming for justice than die alone 

                            in a prison of my own making.