The Internet will always be important to me. Before tumblr, I had about every social media site you could think of: xanga, livejournal, dailybooth(who else had this!!), MySpace, and I was very involved in forums. I grew up being extremely shy and I had the hardest time being myself around strangers in real life but on the internet I came alive. 99% of my best friends today I met on the Internet, including my fiancé. I learned how to express myself, about self confidence, how to not be ashamed of things I like, how to form friendships in other states and even countries. The Internet changed my life for the better and I will never forget that.
Allow me to show my age here but the Internet has changed in so many ways. What started out as this vast access to new friendships and knowledge has now had a darker side arise to it. Facebook is not where you find that kid in your Freshman English class at college who is in your group for a project but it’s now a place to promote your business or share incessant and let’s just be honest, tacky articles to add the words THIS to to make sure your “friends” know your political views or your opinions on the recent events in our society. It’s where society has now taken it upon themselves to heavily criticize any video or statement posted by a person and if one disagrees well we don’t stop until that person’s life is ruined right? Until they’re forced to leave the Internet. The same place that have them a voice in the first place.
Please don’t get me wrong and think that I hate the Internet now because I really don’t. But I do HATE the way it makes me feel lately. The pressure to have a life that’s blog worthy or makes me Instagram feed look awesome. The pressure to look a certain way because my Facebook timeline is crowded with anti aging regiments and wraps to magically make me be skinnier and healthier.
Im not one to announce I’m leaving a website because I don’t think I need that validated or to seem like I’m too good for one but lately I’ve had to force myself to take a step back because I want the Internet to be a safe and healthy place for me! Just like I took a step back from tumblr, I’m now doing the same with Facebook. It just takes a giant weight off my shoulders where I no longer feel like I have to update every second of my life or stay up to date on someone else’s.
I still think there’s good in the Internet. It still gives me a voice, connects me with people in other states and countries and has so many good qualities. But I also think it’s very true that it’s changing daily and if I don’t take a step back it might consume me in a way that I don’t want it to.
My life is messy. I’m lazy. I get an attitude when I’m hangry. I rarely put my clothes away in time for them not to be wrinkled. Speaking of wrinkles, I don’t ever iron I usually throw things in the dryer. I hate doing the dishes. I’m scared of the dark. Some days I hate the way everything in my closet fits. I don’t enjoy getting ready and fixing my hair. Cheese gives me stomach aches. I have anxiety. I love my fiancé but not every day is picture perfect. My car is a mess and I still love the taste of diet soda.
I think it’s easy to forget that things you see on the Internet are highlights. Our best moments. Our most photogenic moments. But behind all that there are bad habits, days and things that we tend to hide from the world. I’m just working on keeping the Internet a safe place for me. A place to grow, express myself build friendships, and learn from the world around me. I’m choosing what I expose myself to on a daily basis and how I let things get to me.
The Internet is what you make it and I want to continue to make it a happy place for me as much as I can.