i promise ill get better

The idea that like people with bpd are inherently manipulative really bothers me. Like I’m upset okay? Me? Personally. That’s why I’m reacting the way I am. My inability to communicate my emotions effectively and therefor hoping my loved ones will pick up on my body language and then feeling neglected bc they don’t is not manipulative. Me self harming or feeling suicidal isn’t abusive because the people who know I need extra care, time or patience to feel stable or secure haven’t been offering that to me. I’m not placing anyone on a pedestal when I split. This is not an active decision. It is an emotional response. An instinct if you will. I do these things to protect myself but it just so happens!! bc of my illness!!! my defense mechanisms are generally ineffective and mostly detrimental to me!! And guess what girl!!! I hate it!!!!! Not a fan!!! And the fact that when I do behave irrationally people often blame me or call me manipulative (if they don’t just abandon me altogether) when I am CONSTANTLY questioning the validity of my emotions does not and never will help!!!!

A/N So this is like the first time I EVER do a fanfiction (It’s a small angsty drabble) I’m really excited with this!Ihope you guys like it as much as I enjoyed writing it! || The following will be supervised by my amazing writer senpais proudtobeaginger -senpai and rivendell101​ -Senpai and lonestorm -senpai ! They will be the judges but you guys can say stuff too. Be as brutally honest as possible, I’m ready || KayDPink Productions presents to you: I’m right here (A NaLu One-Shot or drabble or whatever)

“So I was hanging from the tree and Happy just– Hey, Luce” The boy on the hospital bed called out to her. She turned slightly as if to tell him he had her attention, when on the contrary she had never been more distracted by the baby blue wall that seemed totally out of character considering the hyper-active guy that had to stay in there for the past two months.

“Luce, you’re not listening to me”

Oh. Right. Two months had already gone by since then, since that happened. That’s enough time to heal, right? Then why am I still here?

“Luceeee”

Why am I still staying here after visiting hours? Why do I still have tolive like this?

“Lucy, GODDAM-“

“What, Natsu? What do you want?!” She had finally answered. Her golden locks cascaded down her shoulders, bangs covering her eyes as she hung her head in shame after realizing what she had just done. Its just she couldn’t do this anymore. She could not watch this happen in front of her and not be able to do anything.

At that instant the boy knew something was different. The way her eyes didn’t sparkle, the way she always looked away from him when he spoke, the way she wasn’t able to be inside when they were running tests on him. It was all different, he could almost smell it. “Hey, Luce, what’s wrong?” He extended his arm, his hand for her to take.

But it all changed even more that small instant.

Standing up with such force that made the chair -the one she had slept on all the nights since that mission- fly back and hit the floor loudly. Lucy looked up at Natsu, fire in her eyes, as she clenched her fists as if that would keep her under control. “What’s wrong?! Are you sure you want to ask me that? Because I can give you whole list. Like, the fact that no one from the guild has come once to see you, not one-“

“Lucy, wait” He tried once

She just couldn’t take it anymore “Or maybe the fact that you, the Fairy Tail Dragon Slayer, the son of the mighty Igneel, that THE Natsu Dragneel is sitting on a hospital bed with needles and who knows what more stuck over his arms and chest”

“Lucy!” He said more sternly this time, but not like that would work.

“How about the fact that you are f***ing chained to the floor-“

Natsu stood up as quick as lighting –the previously mentioned chains clanking against the floor and each other- and he took her soft hand in his, pulling gently to make her move toward him. Lucy looked up at him as they bumped chest with chest and struggled to get out of his hold, as she had done many times in the past and still not achieving her goal thanks to his strength. “I almost lost you.” She whispered admitting defeat, her voice no longer being capable of a strong tone and her will destroyed.

He had fought so hard for nothing. He was in a hospital bed because of her, because of this useless nothing. Yet he still seemed to love her despite everything.

Closing his eyes he dropped his head and nestled it on the crook of her neck like he had done all those times on the train back home after a mission. “What is it with you and never listening to me?”  He smiled against her skin, his hot breath grazing only her shoulder but leaving a comforting warmth all over her body.

“I’m right here, Lucy.”

“That monster. END almost took you away from me”

“But he didn’t, Luce. I’m right here, I’ll always be with you, okay?” He raised his head and she noticed just how much he had grown since last year when he left Natsu towered over her and held her hands tightly in his grasp.  “I was the one who told them not to come, the guild I mean.” Lucy’s eyes widened at his statement. He told his own family to stay away? “Why would you-“And that’s when she noticed.

“Because I’m not Natsu” He let go of her hands, ripping everything on his body off. Needles, bandages, and casts, everything. Even his chains. His eyes turned dark red, dripping with darkness. And his distorted voice sounded like music to her ears. And that disgusted her. “N-Natsu?”

“I told you, END didn’t take Natsu away.” His sharp claws took a hold of her hips pulling her back to him “I always WAS END” He finished. Lucy gasped in fear as tears ran down her cheeks.

She had been deceived.

 Her screams would have surely called somebody’s attention and that’s why she wondered why nobody was here yet. Why did nobody come to save her? “They won’t come, sweetheart. They’re all dead” At that moment the whole room banished, becoming the once green valley that how now turned red with fire and blood. The blood of her friends, of her guild.

“Gray! Erza!” Lucy called out to her former teammates, but they wouldn’t answer. She looked around trying to somehow find her friends. She did find them. “Oh my God…!” Lucy covered her mouth as dark sobs erupted from her mouth and suddenly she found herself unable to breathe.

“Do you understand now, human?”

Erza lay in front of her, how she could’ve missed the body she didn’t understand. Maybe it was the way her hair camouflaged with the blood around her, the way the bruises all over her body compared to the ashes of the once bright flowers. Swords, her own, were sunken deep inside her stomach. The mighty Titania, had fallen.”Erza. Wake up!” The blonde shook her friend’s corpse trying to somehow sense if there was at least some magic left. Some life left in her.

“No one will help you!” END shouted, his voice filled with some kind of sick pleasure. He was having fun. He looked at her, she was slightly tumbled over the body of her friend, crying and trying to swallow all the destruction she had just witnessed. He walked towards her and kneeled, making her look up at him. She had given up. Her eyes had already lost the sparkle earlier that month but now, oh, now not even her soul was there.

The pink haired demon wrapped his arms around her and for a moment, a small, just a small moment, she believed all over again, until she felt it. His claws dug into her back, ripping her flesh apart. She gasped, letting her tears stop for a moment. She knew it was coming but she didn’t think it would hurt this much. Why did her chest hurt if his hand was slicing her back? Why did it feel like her heart fast being ripped out of her chest?  

“Don’t worry, Luce” He let go of her, hand wet with her blood dripping from his claws. He raised his hand to her face and left a small poisonous kiss on her lips “I’m right here”

Rising to his feet, he raised his hand and licked some of the bloods and battered flesh on it. “Hmm, pretty good” Then he walked away. Lucy felt her life leaving her, her spirits themselves trying to somehow keep her magic up, to keep her alive. But it all failed. Only one thing left to do.

“I love you”

The demon stopped in his tracks, laughter ending along with his movement. And for the last time Lucy saw Natsu –not END- look back at her with eyes pleading to save him. He knew what he had become, and just for that splitting second he understood what Lucy had told him. And he became Natsu again for that moment, but it was a moment too late. As Lucy let out her dying breath, her soul was frees with only a scream of pain from her beloved as her lullaby for the rest of her never-ending sleep.

anonymous asked:

If you're still lookin for fix prompts, maybe something with yoonmin and sign language? Dunno why, that's been on my mind lately...

I know you sent this like 80 years ago but I’ve been (really slowly) working on it for a while and it’s kind of a huge piece of shit but… the best I can do for ya right now! 

rating: pg-13
pairing: yoonmin
word count: like 2500 
warnings: mute!yoongi, bad writing, unedited

Hoseok asks first, if Yoongi minds if he brings the new kid from his dance studio to hang out with them, and Yoongi does.  

He minds a lot. There’s a long list of things he’d rather do than meet Hoseok’s new friend, for example, listen to Namjoon talk about the likelihood of an afterlife for three days straight or perhaps the entirety of the new Falling in… something album that Jungkook is, for god knows what reason, obsessed with. But, Hoseok’s grinning so fucking wide and he’s tapping Yoongi’s knee excitedly waiting for the answer, and he finds it impossible to do anything but scowl and nod his assent.

It’s not that he thinks there’s going to be anything bad about the guy. He has full, if not a little misguided, trust in Hoseok’s taste. He just hates having to translate.  

Keep reading

so i unlocked that stupid millionaire achievement on hyrule warriors a n d

im just imaging this is what theyd do with a million rupees buying the most basic clothing

killing your enemies pays off the “basic bitches and taking selfies” lifestyle theyve always wanted

lyridsca  asked:

Hi. Umm for dirkuu ideas, probably draw them hate-flirting/tango/whatever? (Bluh i'm so original)

here you go! :D


Caliborn: *10 seconds after sloppy hate makeout session* FUCK. THIS IS TOO LEWD. ///m///