i promise goodbye

Three years ago I was dealing with a bout of depression. It was not unusual, I’ve had depression and anxiety for almost as long as I can remember. But this bout followed my thirtieth birthday. I was not upset about turning thirty. I did not think my life was over or that my youth was behind me. Rather, I was in the middle of an amazing year full of the freedom that came with stepping away from religious oppression, finding my own faith and defining what that meant to me, and coming off of a year of painful fertility drugs and the decision not to continue treatment. I’d honestly never felt better.

And yet … depression.

I got that apathetic kind of depression where nothing seems fun or exciting or even remotely attention grabbing enough to pull me out of bed. I was just … stuck. I was missing something. 

As I do when I’m in a depression, I binged watched things. On a random Saturday, I stumbled upon Deathly Hallows Part One playing on ABC Family, likely during one of their marathons. 

“God I forgot how much I fucking love these movies.”

I’d seen almost every one in theatre. He-Man had read the books religiously (and even worked at a book store during the release of the first few). I knew the general plot because he is utterly incapable of NOT sharing things with me when he’s reading. So when the movies came out, of course we went. He fumed and fumed in his seat over missing characters and twisted plotlines, and I laughed and laughed until some random kid behind me loudly whispered to his friend “That’s the one that dies at the end” when Cedric Diggory first appeared on screen. (Seriously. WTF, you little brat?)

Rather than read the books, I’d spent time playing on Pottermore and the wiki pages learning ingredients to potions and the etymology behind the spells. I loved the world that JKR created, but I suck when it comes to reading fiction. My attention span (especially in my twenties) was garbage. 

So in the last week of June 2014, I borrowed my mother-in-law’s DVDs of the movies and binged them all. I laughed, I cried, I FELT something for the first time in weeks. Emotions. Feeling. Life. Magic. 

“I want to read the books now. I need to read the books.”

So I read them. I read several chapters every night out loud while my husband played video games. I laughed when he cried. He laughed when I cried. I did voices, and we argued over exactly how pompous Lockhart should sound. I gasped during parts that were not in the movies. “Why is Molly being such a bitch to Sirius?” “Wait, who are all these other elves?” “Dumbledore’s a shit. I’m glad he’s dead!” “OMG Tonks. OMG Fred. OMG Remus. OMG I hate this so much.”

And I loved it.

I loved it so much. 

I felt like an addict waiting for my husband to get home each night so I could keep reading. I begged him, “Just two more chapters. I’m almost done with this book!” even as I LITERALLY lost my voice in the middle of Deathly Hallows. 

Then, like magic, I remembered that the story didn’t have to end. I’d been RPing written stories with friends for two decades, and I’d stumbled into fanfiction from time to time. So I knew what sites to go to.

I read epilogue continuations first. I wanted to know what happened after. Then I thought, “I wonder what if …?” And I fell head first into the deep end of Dramione, Marauders, and a crap ton of Marriage Law and Time-Turner fics.

“I have an idea. I want to be apart of this. I think I have a story in me.”

And three years later, I have a life. A hobby. A PASSION. I’ve made amazing friends, rebuilt a really fucked up self esteem and sense of pride, learned a lot about grammar and story structure, and helped to add building blocks to a fandom that saved me. 

I can’t believe it’s been three years.

Thank you all, for some of the best three years of my life.

♥♥♥ Shaya ♥♥♥


x men: wheelchair parkour

[xma comics]

Maybe she’s just passing by. But I wouldn’t mind moving with her for awhile. For as long as life allows us. And I know since upon your arrival, it’s getting harder and harder to remember how my days were before you. But that doesn’t matter, all I know is our souls are now sharing time. And if the day comes when you have to depart, I promise to make the goodbye as easy as can be. Thank you for making me the lucky one.
—  a.m.g.

Chapter 14 of Passing Ships is posted!

Pairing: Dean/Cas

Tags: Slow Burn, Pining, Anti-Soulmate AU, Cupid Cas

Sneak Peek:


Castiel straightens, wiping his brow with the back of his hand. “Dean.”

“Why the hell are you here?”

Castiel shakes his head, silent and at a loss of what to say, Dean stares at him strangely, face slowly lighting up in recognition.

“What are you—are you stalking me?”


“Were you listening in on my conversation? That whole thing?” Dean strides to plant himself firmly in front of him, eyes flashing. “Well?”

Closing his eyes at the rush of shame that bolts through him, Castiel nods. “It’s my job.”

“So you’ve been spying on every date I’ve been on with Lisa?”

“It was my job,” Castiel repeats miserably.

Dean lets out an exasperated scoff, throwing his arms in the air. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It would ruin the observations.”

“The ‘observations?’” Dean repeats back, incredulously. “I was right, all those weeks ago—I really am just some kind of experiment to you, aren’t I?”

“No, Dean, of course not.” Castiel takes a step forward, hand outstretched toward his friend, although he’s not entirely sure what the intended destination is. “You have to understand, it was orders from Heaven. Part of my job. If it were up to me, your privacy would not have been invaded.”

Dean narrows his eyes, chewing his bottom lip as he studies Castiel. Finally, he stuffs his hands in his pockets and sighs, the anger deflating from his shoulders. “You’re always gonna be following orders from Heaven, aren’t you?”

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Start from Beginning

[you guys are so awesome, how you reblog my update posts for signal boosting - i love you all so much and your support is what keeps me writing. thank you :’) honestly, more than i can say. I wish I could bake cookies for all of you.]

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                         Fairytale AU: No happily ever after for…. Cinderella.
When the glass slipper fit perfectly, the prince asked to marry Cinderella but before she set off to the palace with him, she wanted to have a little chat with her step mother and step sisters. Despite of the fact they mistreated her and made her life pretty miserable, she ended up forgiving them and invited one of them (her less cruel step sister) to join her and live in the palace too. However, as time as days went by the Prince realized Cinderella didn’t turn out to be that sweet girl he met at the ball because once Cinderella started living in the palace and started living a lifestyle she wasn’t used to, within time she began growing greedy and selfish. — and due to the following events Prince Charming decided to postponed the wedding until further notice with the excuse of wanting to get to know Cinderella better but instead he found comfort in Ella’s step-sister and later on began to have a relationship with her behind Ella’s back. And obviously it was just matter of time before the Prince realized he choose to marry the wrong sister and decided to stood up Ella at their wedding and run away with her step sister.  

Alone For The Weekend

Just something I wrote a while ago, thought I’d share it with all of you!!

Harry’s POV

My alarm went off and I realised that it was 7am. Too early to wake up on a Friday. I shut off the annoying alarm and reached over to the other side of the bed, where my wife always slept, but she wasn’t there. I panicked and spoke her name in a worried tone.

“I’m here, Harry.” Her voice came from behind me.

I rolled over onto my other side and saw her standing by the large built-in wardrobe, closing the sliding glass mirror. She was all dressed and her suitcase was up against the wall. It hit me again. My wife was leaving today. She was going to spend three days away from home, in Italy with two of her girlfriends, which left me to look after our two little girls. It wasn’t that I didn’t like spending time with my daughters. I loved it but I had never been left alone with them for longer than 24 hours. This was going to be a new experience for me. (Y/N) saw the look on my face and sat on the edge of the bed, brushing her hand over my bare forearm.

“I’ll be back on Monday morning, babe.”

“It seems like you’re going for longer than that.” I sighed.

“Harry, I’ve coped without you for months at a time, when you went on tour and when you were filming Dunkirk. I’m certain you can last for three days without me.” She said sweetly and leaned down to kiss me. I locked my arm around her neck and pulled her further down, deepening the kiss. My other arm went around her waist and I tugged her onto the bed so that we lay side-by-side. She squealed and I smiled, reconnecting our lips. I was going to be without her kisses for three days. I was going to be without her hugs for three days. The scent of her hair, the fragrance of her skin, making love to her, I wouldn’t have any of it for three whole days. Sure, I had been away from her for months but since finishing Dunkirk and my first solo album, I finally had time for my family and I had gotten used to having my wife around every day. Now, she was the one that was leaving. I didn’t want to let her go but the pressure of her hands on my chest made me release her slightly.

“If you keep kissing me like that, babe, I’ll never leave.” She murmured, burying her face in my neck. I’d love that. But she needed this holiday. The kids exhausted her, I could see it. My girl deserved a bit of fun and relaxation with her girlfriends.

“You have to go. Fae and Lara will kill me if I stop you from going on your little trip.” I said. My wife giggled and looked at me with the big eyes that I had fallen for so deeply very early on.

“Look after the girls for me, Harry.”

“I will, I promise.”

“I should say goodbye to them now. Then I’m going.”

My wife hopped off the bed and picked her handbag off the floor. She pecked my lips one last time and nuzzled her nose against mine.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, (Y/N).” I said, kissing her cheek warmly. She slowly pulled away and in her eyes were the first flood of tears, sparkling brightly. She held them back and took hold of the suitcase handle, opening the bedroom door. My gaze locked to hers for the final time as she blew me a kiss, closing the door, disappearing from the sight.

She was gone.

I lay on my back, in a bed that suddenly seemed too big for just me, the ceiling blank and boring. Because she was gone, everything had been leeched of colour and soul. She lit up this room, this house, this life. My life. I didn’t know how long I stayed in bed for. It must have been at least an hour and I knew that my wife was no longer in the house now, on her way to the airport with Fae and Lara. I dozed in and out of sleep, hardly getting more than 10 minutes because I couldn’t sleep without my girl in my arms. It was a bad sign. How am I going to go to sleep tonight without her? A loud voice cracked me, coming from somewhere down the hall.


I rubbed my face with my hands, sighing. It’s started already.

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My Past Will Not Be Our Future

A small Shance fic based off of this post- https://tokyoteddywolf.tumblr.com/post/160205169708/halloweeninmay-art-based-on-this-ask-au-where
@halloweeninmay enjoy my dude ;3
“You got my back, love?” The knight called over his shoulder, his partner grinning as he knocked another arrow and let it fly, piercing the head of another rogue trying to catch them. “As always, hero!” The blue eyed man chirped happily, the knight whirling to cut down another enemy.
The knight smiled. “Good, I can always count on you, my sharpshooter.” Tan skin heated up red at the praise, slim fingers picking up another arrow and shooting it at the enemy before they had a chance to fire again. “Same goes to you, my Champion.”
No. No no no no! Don’t you dare leave me!” A voice screamed, blue eyes overflowing with tears as he sobbed over the shattered breastplate, a large, warm hand brushing away the tears soothingly. A broken bow and a bloodstained sword lay cast aside a few feet away, a blood trail revealing the path they’d traveled to get away from the mass of bodies they’d left in their wake.
The knight smiled weakly at his heartbroken lover, blood spilling from his lips and the hole through his body where he’d been fatally stabbed by a lucky bandit. “Don’t despair, my love. We’ll meet again. Maybe not in this world, but maybe the next. I promise you that. Goodbye, until we love again…” His hand dropped from the tear stained skin he’d adored so much, the last breath rattling out as he went limp and unmoving.
“No! Please, please, wake up, I can’t stand being alone! You know this! Please, don’t- don’t leave me…” The still living man cradled his dearly beloved, sobbing. “I’ll find you. I swear.I will find you! And I won’t let you go again, I’ll protect you next time, no matter what. And I promise, I will not fail you again.”
Lance woke up with a sharp gasp, tears spilling down his cheeks as he tried to figure out where he was. “Lance?” A sleepy voice, rising to wakefulness quickly in a rising panic, had him blinking even more tears from his vision and he made a choked noise, a sob. “Lance! What’s wrong? Talk to me baby, are you okay?” Gentle hands, human fingers brushing tears away from his cheeks in a terribly familiar way. Lance managed to sit up, crying still as he stared into familiar, concerned silver eyes.
“Sh-Shiro?” He whimpered, his hand coming up to grab the one cradling his cheek. “I’m here, love. What’s wrong?” The Black Paladin asked softly, worried about why Lance looked so upset. Sniffling, Lance leaned forward and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, sobbing quietly into his bare neck. Shiro shushed the Blue Paladin lightly, arms wrapping around the thinner man in a gesture of comfort.
“Did you have a nightmare?” Shiro asked gently, Lance hiccuping and nodding against Shiro’s shoulder. “It’s okay. I’m here, you’re okay.” The older man soothed, cradling his lover until he’d drifted back off to sleep, still clinging to his hero.

“Please don't go” - Harrison Osterfield Imagine

A/N: This is my first requested imagine so I hope I did it justice. Enjoy! Requests are open and you can find the prompt list in my masterlist but any requests are welcome! x 

Prompts: 1, 22, 33 “I love you, please don’t go” “This isn’t goodbye” “Don’t cry”

Requested by: @sidespidey

Word count: 688

Warnings: Angst, swearing

Summary: The reader feel lost and unhappy so she breaks up with Harrison.

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Grieving and Loving | Thiam Week Day 1


Something is off with Liam. Theo goes to search for him and finds out what exactly is wrong with the young beta.

Liam was missing. Well, not exactly missing but more like actively avoiding meeting any pack member. He didn’t show up for pack movie night and he didn’t pick up any phone calls or answer any texts. Needless to say, Scott was worried and sent out the pack to look for the young and reckless beta. They were all scattered around town, looking everywhere for Liam, ready to rescue him in case hunters got him. The war was over but you never knew. 

Theo was doing a tactical search. After he had looked for Liam at his house, he was now driving to the school, searching for Liam there. He refused to think about the possibility of the younger one getting kidnapped and probably being tortured somewhere. It only led to feelings Theo wasn’t ready to face yet. He could do it after he knew Liam was safe and sound, maybe pissed off but alive, and when he was in bed that night in the guestroom of the Dunbar-Geyer household. When the reason for his thoughts and nagging feelings was sleeping right next door, also another reason why Theo barely slept at night and spend more time thinking about a certain beta. 

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Originally posted by hohbi

Hi! My request is a fluff for Jungkook where the reader (his best friend) always says I love you in another language, she loves him more than a friend, and jungkook always wonders what that means. So in one bangtan bomb she calls him and hangs up saying I love you and he asks army’s to say what it means and one army tells him on twitter. He loves her too and army’s are supportive, thanks!<3 


 After a long day at work, you laid down in your bed finally getting some rest. Work had been an absolute disaster and you were suprised you actually made it through the day. The phone started buzzing next to you on the bed, making the sheets vibrate. Groaning, you checked the screen to see who could possibly be annoying you when all you wanted to do was sleep. However your face lit up when you saw who was calling, The screen read the famillar name “Jungkook”. He had been your friend since childhood, but you rarely got to see him because of his increasingly busy schedule, all thanks to him being an idol. The two of you still remained close, dispite rarely seeing eachother inperson. You quickly pressed the accept call button and pressed the phone to your ear, relaxing when you heard his sweet voice flow through the speaker. 

 “Y/N! How are you?” Jungkook asked excitedly. After spending alot of your time travelling to different countries, you had picked up a lot of languages, so it took you a second to adjust to the korean he used. 

 “Ive been great, I missed you so much.” You responded, all the tensions seeping out of your body. The conversation went on, both of you talking about what happened since the last call, and about Jungkooks sudden success abroad.

 “Y/N, Im really sorry but I have to go now, We have to go on stage soon. Ill call you again really soon, I promise. Goodbye.” Jungkook said, the saddness evident in his voice.

 “Okay, Du bist derjenige, den ich am meisten lieb habe, Goodbye.” you responded, adding an i love you in german. It had become a habit for you to say I love you in various languages at the end of your phone calls. It always annoyed Jungkook, because he only really knew korean, he tried to learn english at school but… it didnt work out. He didnt know what you were saying each time. 

 “One day im going to find out what you are saying.” Jungkook said before he hung up. Sighing you placed the phone back on the bedside table before falling back onto the bed and slipping into a hopfully peaceful sleep.


 The sound of your alarm blaring woke you out of a fitful sleep. Thought of Jungkook’s voice kept you awake, when all you wanted to do was rest. Throwing your hand onto the bedside table, you rummaged around finding your phone. Sliding the phone open, you turned off the alarm and began mindlessly scrolling through social media, as you did every morning.

 After checking what was trending on twitter you found something out of the ordinary. There was a tag trending in korean, and after reading it you gasped in surprise. The tag read “who_is_jungkooks_mystergirl”. You hurriedly clicked on the tag and the first tweet was a video. It was one of their bangtan bomb but it was of jungkook on the phone. Towards the end, he put the phone on speaker and you hear your voice saying i love you in german. After he hung up he looked at the camera and asked.

 “International armys, can you please tell me what this means?”

 Your heart dropped as you scrolled through all the tweets, exposing what you said. 

 “who ever this person is, they love you a lot!” 

 “awww that’s so cute”

 “She’s so lucky!!”

 “It means ‘you are the one I love the most’ most simply it means I love you” 

The screen blackout and the caller ID came up. Jungkook was calling you. After panicking for a little while you hangup, pressing the red button and sighing while collapsing back onto the bed to wallow in self pity. The secret was out. 

After lying on the bed in utter mental exhaustion the door bell rung forcing you to get out of bed. You swung the door open to figure out who was dragging you out of bed, when your mouth fell open in disbelief at who was in front of you. Jungkook stood in the doorway. 

 “What the hell, why are you here?” You shout in shock.

 “I told you I would figure it out.” He said a smile playing on his lips. Unable to look him in the eye, your eyes were glued to the floor and your hands were playing with the hem of your shirt.

 “Look at me” He demanded gently, his hand caressing your chin and tilting your head to look at him. He slowly leaned in until his lips were ghosting over yours, causing you to freeze in place. He pressed a chaste kiss against your lips, nothing too passionate or lustful but it made your heart run a marathon. 

“Du bist auch der, den ich am meisten lieb habe”

 (I hope this isn’t horrible because i literally wrote this in an hour on my phone under my desk in math class) //admin hayley//