i play dnd

so apparently this coworker of mine used to play a lot of dnd and he had an orc rogue i think, who’s obviously supposed to be a stealth-centric character. But instead of channeling his abilities into dexterity or anything else stealthy, he channeled it all into charisma for the sake of intimidation. Essentially he, a hulking and undexteritous orc, would attempt to sneak into a building. If he was spotted, he would roll for intimidation (and win almost every time) and shout “YOU DO NOT SEE GROGG” at them and proceed.

@new d&d players and dungeon masters starting because of critical role, aquisitions inc, the adventure zone, etc: 

hey listen. i know it’s really super easy to compare and set up expectations that your game, your DMing or your roleplaying should be like theirs. i know. it’s super easy to look at matthew mercer and feel like you’ll never be as entertaining as him or you’ll never be as good at roleplaying as the cast, or that you’ll never be as funny as the mcelroys.

but listen to me. i’m serious. they are professionals, but they’re playing with their friends. every single person brings something unique and great to a tabletop game, and if you let go of the expectation that everything needs to be perfect, everything needs to be like the podcasts you listen to or the shows you watch–

it WILL be perfect. d&d is a game where you can do whatever the fuck you want and you should do that, but realize that with these expectations are unfair to your fellow players, your dm, and most importantly yourself. sometimes it takes a while for people to get comfortable with how things are. sometimes it doesn’t. that’s ok. just enjoy your game as much as you can

Well I think I speak for all of us when I say that 2016 was probably one of the, uh, more… volatile years to date. A lot of shit went down these past months, globally and locally and what-not, and I gotta say if it wasn’t for Critical Role this year would have been utterly unbearable.

I got into Critical Role a little over a half a year ago? I think? But uh I can safely say it’s pretty much taken over my whole life at this point haha;; I remember being overwhelmed at just how much content there was to get through, but the way the fandom received me was just so welcoming and friendly and I’m so glad I decided to jump on this bandwagon! I’m thankful and blessed to be a part of such a widely diverse bunch of creative and amazing people who get together on a weekly basis to basically get emotional over some nerdy voice actors who roll dice and play D&D. (I started playing because of CR too! :D)

Anyways, the first thing I ever drew for CR was this fanart way back in July, and I thought it fitting that I send off 2016 in the CR fandom the way I first entered it, with Vax and Gilmore. Have a wonderful new year everyone!

And… is it Thursday yet? ;)

5

dndstuck based off this also because this is the dorkiest au and i love it

My buddy and I have never played DnD.

Our friend is very patient with us in helping make our characters, but we go for our aesthetics more than actual effectiveness.
(K is me, V is my buddy, DM is… well yknow)

DM: So given your main ideas, I’d say, Kooby, go for either a Pixie or Dragonborn.

K: …can my character wield a frying pan?

DM: what? Why?

K: yknow just in case my sword breaks or whatever.

DM: …if you want to do that, I’d say go with the fighter class and make them a pit fighter.

K: awesome.

(Some time later)

DM: how are your weight limits?

K: Well, I’m over by like, 10 pounds i think.

DM: how many weapons do you have?

K: 3. A bow, a shortsword and my frying pan.

DM: …what die do they use for damage?

K: uhh… 1d4 for shortsword, 1d8 for pan…

DM: …get rid of your sword.

V: (immediately starts laughing hysterically) I love how in this game that SOMEHOW a dragon standing upright is more proficient at smacking a guy’s head in with a frying pan than cutting dudes open with a sword.

The only DnD tip you’ll ever need
  • Yelling is a free action, as long as it’s only up to six words

things you can therefore scream mid-combat without using any of your actions:

  • “FUCK YOU, YOU GOAT-SUCKING DILLWEED”
  • “YOU! I’M GOING TO EAT YOU”
  • “I’LL SHOW YOU WHO’S AN EGGPLANT”
  • “SUCKS TO BE YOU, ASS NUGGET”
  • “GO SUCK A FROST GIANT’S DICK”
  • “COME GET SOME, YOU MONKEY-DONGED TWATWAFFLES”
  • “I WILL SHIT ON YOUR CAT”
  • “EAT MY EXOTIC WEAPON FEATS, ASSHOLE”
  • “JOKE’S ON YOU, THAT’S SOVEREIGN GLUE”
I played DnD for the first time.

I was a Goliath Barbarian named Thaad. His primary weapon of choice was an Axophone, a saxophone with twin axes on the side. He also had a backpack with 4 lances, a giant book on cloud giants and a dragon’s tooth.

So far he has 5 confirmed kills, 3 of which were decapitations of some type. He’s also a poet.

Finally a drawing of my most recent DND character!

This is Cornelius Guggul, an arrogant, chaotic neutral outcast of a small pyromancer community. His only love in life aside from his deceased parents is fire. He will burn down everything you love and yourself included if offended, which happens very very easily.

Additional backstory under the cut!

Keep reading

what to cut off

Okay so say a month back a few friends of mine and i are playing dnd and we just finished up a fight against 4 humans that were in some organisation. 3 are dead and one is alive but hurt. our dm asks us what we want to do now. also, the organisation is terrorising the village were in and we know where the headquarters are located.

DM: the human is hurt and he surrendered, fearing that you might kill him like his companions. what will you do?

sb in party: KILL HIM TO SCARE THE OTHERS OFF!

rest of party: mixes of yes/no shouted in unison.

bard: we could cut off his tongue and send it to the rest of his organistion

barbarian: cut off his head!

me: guys no we have three dead ones, use those instead

bard: but this guy was also an asshole

me: hmmm true thing.

me: ….

me: no no no wait he surrender, just drop him off at the sherrifs office!

barbarian: CUT OFF HIS TONGUE SO HE CANT TELL ON US

bard: YEA! or or or his hands!?

me: ooh we could. maybe put them in the shape for flipping off??

bard: yea! oh and how about we use his cape as a little bag to piss them off and also as proof that its one of theirs?

me: but still, the alive one or the dead ones?

(our captive is looking more and more worried, and a few townspeople has assembled around us by now)

dm: so what are you gonna do with this guy or the dad ones or.. whatever youre gonna do?

barbarian: CUT OFF HIS TONGUE

me and bard: NO SHUT UP

And the convo went on like that for approximately 30-45 minutes. we had an entire freaking convo about what our party should do with the alive or dead humans, whether or not to cut off a bodypart and send it to the organisation headquarters. and not once were genitalia mentioned.

Ideas for D&D characters I would want to make if I ever got the chance
  • A healer who has anger problems and heals by beating the shit out of someone. Sucker punch to the jaw? Healed. Kick in the nuts? Healed. Literally beaten within an inch of your life? Healed. Most likely they were cursed.
  • A magic-user of some sort who is #aesthetic af
  • Somehow make an animal tamer who always tries to befriend animal enemies before fighting them. And if the final boss is an animal? “I ROLL TO BEFRIEND THE FINAL BOSS BY PETTING HIM AND TELLING HIM HE IS A VERY FLUFFY GOOD BOY”

i got my mom listening to taz and during the first ep she was like “i cant believe they killed the horses, horses were so valuable during this time period” and im just like mom………theyre literally going to be in a fantasy costco on the moon in less than 10 episodes i dont think the mcelroys are striving for complete historical accuracy here ok