i owe her everything!

anonymous asked:

Could you write something fluffy about how mulder realizes that scully has feelings for him after she told him that personal interests are all that she has left and that she actually is jealous of diana... maybe he could even act on that?!sorry but I got obsessed with that diana story line after your last fanfic😘


Mulder barrels through the Gunmen’s doorway after a rapidly retreating Scully, the thick, heavy metal door slamming loudly, echoing like a gunshot bouncing off the surrounding buildings.

“Scully! Scully, dammit wait!” He trails after her, nearly losing sight of her red hair as it quickly flicks around the corner. He catches up to her in the alleyway behind the Gunmen’s building, her car illuminated by a lone lamppost.

“Personal interest is all you have? Scully, stop!”

She stops abruptly at her car, facing the driver’s side door as he closes the distance between them. She does not turn towards him.

“What do you mean if I take that away then there’s no reason to continue?” he asks.

Her head drops and her entire posture seems to deflate at the question. She answers with her eyes glued to the pavement below her feet. “I can’t do this anymore with you, Mulder.”

He stares at the back of her head searching for understanding amongst the windblown strands of her hair. “Will you turn around? Jesus, Scully, you are being ridiculous. You have given me no legitimate reason to not trust Diana.”

“I’ve given you no reason to not trust me,” she mutters to the ground.

“Scully, c’mon, turn around and talk to me,” he pleads as she remains a defeated statue posed alongside her waiting car.  “Jesus, you’re acting like a jealous–”

She quickly turns around to face him, the look on her face and the tears in her eyes freezing him in place and stealing his breath as the realization of her feelings washes over him. He is forced to come to terms with what he has embarrassingly failed to see until this very moment.

“Scully, do you think? Oh, Scully, no. Not her. Once a long time ago, but now?” He brushes away stray strands of hair from her face, sliding fingers across her damp cheeks. “I meant every word I said last summer.”

He steps closer and cups her face in his warm hands. “You’ve kept me honest.” He kisses a tear he finds escaping from her left eye.

“You’ve made me a whole person.” He repeats the action on the other side.

“And I owe you everything,” he whispers, a kiss to her forehead punctuating his declaration.

“Scully, I told you I didn’t want to do this alone, and I certainly can’t do this with Diana. I need you. I want you.” He slides his thumbs down her cheeks to lovingly caress the trembling flesh of her parted lips.

His own lips follow his thumbs and he gasps in relief as her mouth immediately opens under his, her fingers desperately wrapping through his hair, tugging him closer. He walks her the short few steps to the side of her car, pressing her against the door.

“Mulder,” she sighs in response to his tongue sliding wet and urgent down her neck. He worries her skin between his teeth, marking her. His name softly leaves her lips once more, the whisper dancing through his ears and his mind as he loses himself in her kiss.

Several feet down the alleyway, a dark sedan carefully reverses from its spot. The driver pushes dark, chestnut hair from her eyes as she solemnly backs the car out the narrow passage way, never once turning on her headlights. She drives away, forcing herself to not look back.

Spirit in the House - Chap 7/10

Modern!AU Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Reader is in a coma after a car accident. Bucky moves into your apartment and find your spirit still hanging around. (Based on Just like Heaven)

Word Count: 1,937

Warnings: Mention of Cheating, Mention of Death, Language

A/N: Hope you’ll like this one :) Anyway, enter Maria…

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10]

Originally posted by marshthemallows

You sat cross-legged on the sofa while Bucky was fixing himself up. He told your best friend he could see your spirit and ended up with a split lip.

“You’re not doing it right.”

“Really?” Bucky replied with a sigh and turned to you, a painful smirk on his face. “Wanna do it for me?”

“I would if I could… you know, hold things.”

He laughed silently and continued dabbing at the skin around his wound with a disinfectant-soaked cotton. You leaned closer to him and looked into the mirror.

“It won’t heal well if you don’t put it on your lip.”

He whined, still avoiding the wound. “But it hurts.”

Keep reading

“My relationship with Maggie Smith; well, she got me the job at Potter, practically. So for anyone who doesn’t know that story, I basically owe everything to Maggie Smith, because I worked with her on David Copperfield and then she came on to Potter as McGonagall and said to the director: "You need to audition this boy.” So I kind of owe her everything, so to Maggie I just say my fairy grandmother.“ - Daniel Radcliffe

Regrets (Angst/Fluff Nessian Fic)

Feeling some Nessian recently

I miss them so so much

None of the characters used are mine. All copyright of Sarah J. Maas.

Enjoy!


Nesta stared at the white wall in front of her. She couldn’t feel anything. Only her two hands enclosing Cassian’s large limp one. It had been over three days now.

Three days of silence in Cassian’s room.

Three days since the ambush from the Rogue Illyrians.

Three days since Cassian was stabbed over and over again in the battlefield.

Three days since he’s been in a coma, with no clue whether he would ever wake up again.

Nesta had a lot of regrets in her life. For treating Feyre the way she was before she left to Prythian. For never stopping Elain from almost marrying that asshole of a man. For being so bitter half the time with everyone she meets. But the greatest regret, she decided at that moment, was that she never told Cassian that she accepted the mate bond. That she does love him. That she wanted him, all of him. The days where he just wants to spite her, the days he’s all touchy with her and even the nights when he wakes up with a nightmare. She wants all of it. And all she wished for right now was to be able to tell him all this.

But no.

That was impossible.

He’s in a coma that he may never wake up from.

Nesta felt her eyes tear up once more. She had cried the past three days and, even now, she had more tears to shed. She couldn’t handle it. She missed him. More than she thought she ever would  in her life. Growing up the way she did, she thought she could reign in her emotions. But when it comes to Cassia, her mate, she loses all sense of self control.

She brought up his hand to her lips, kissing the calloused knuckles softly, her tears sliding down her cheek without her knowing.

“I’m waiting for you, Cassian. Please wake up.”

With that, she placed his hand back on his side before leaving the room for some air. Mother knows how long she’s been sitting there. She’s lost all sense of time.

———————————————————————————————————————————

Nesta walked back into Cassian’s room at exactly 10 PM. With her was a bouquet of dark red roses that she picked from the Night Court garden outside within a vase filled with water. She settled the vase on Cassian’s bedside before kissing his forehead softly.

He looked thinner. His body was sitll built, of course, but his skin was pale and his face looked slightly gaunt. She wanted to wake him up if she could. Tell him she made, or well tried to, his favorite meal. But she knew that was impossible.

Nest sat on the small gap at the edge of the bed. Without thinking, she laid down, curling herself against Cassian’s limp body. Her cheek was resting on his bare chest as she felt the soft rise and fall of his chest.

“Please wake up,” she muttered as she rested on of her hands on his chest.

———————————————————————————————————

Please wake up.

It was that voice again that he heard every day. Morning, afternoon, night, whenever. It sounded so much like home. He was desperate to reach it. To find the source of that voice. It sounded so familiar to him, like something he’d been dreaming to hear for centuries.

So Cassian followed that voice, willing himself to pull through. Without knowing, he had opened his eyes before quickly shutting them again. His vision was disoriented as things turned above him. He blinked a few more times before finally being able to keep it open without wanting to go back to where he just came from.

Cassian tried lifting his arm only to feel something warm pressed against it. He glanced down, his eyes widening at the sight.

I must be dreaming. I must be dreaming. I must be dreaming.

Cassian could not think of anything else. It must be a dream. Nesta would never want to be this close to him, let alone be in a room with him.

He carefully pulled his arm out from beside her and wrapped it around the back of her shoulder. He felt her immediately jolt before she sat rod straight, her eyes wandering around the room.

“Nesta,” Cassian called out, his voice hoarse.

Nesta turned her head, praying, praying to the Mother that this wasn’t one of her cruel dreams.

Cassian had a small smile on his face when Nesta faced him. A hand flew up to her mouth, containing the gasp of shock and relief as tears threatened to spill from her eyes once more.

“He-,” he cleared his throat, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Nesta shook her head as sobs wracked her body.

He’s awake. He’s awake. He’s awake.

She didn’t even think before she threw herself onto him, her arms wrapping around his shoulders and her head buried in the crook of his neck.

“Cassian,” she sobbed, tightening her grip further before quickly falling back.

“I-I’m sorry. Did I hurt you? Did I-“

She was cut off when Cassian pulled her onto his lap, fighting through his exhaustion to hold her close. He buried his face in her neck, leaving one soft kiss there.

“What’s wrong? What happened?”

“I thought you were dead.”

Cassian stiffened, “What?”

Nesta turned slightly to face him, cupping his face in her hands.

“Y-You don’t remember?”

He shook his head.

“The Rogue Illyrians. They ambushed the camp. None of your men died but you-,” she choked on her sob, “You were stabbed. Multiple times all over the body. A-And they cut your wings. They cut your wings Cassian. Thankfully Rhys knew how to save them from the first time. B-But there was so much blood. Your eyes were closed and when I called for you-“

Nesta couldn’t finish when the memory flashed back in her mind. Cassian was in a pool of his own bloods. His eyes were closed and he wasn’t waking up when she called him. And his wings, Mother, his wings. Nesta had never feared for anything more in her life. He had almost lost his wings once, he couldn’t lose them now. So with everything in her, she winnowed them back to the House of Wind. She screamed for anyone that was nearest and demanded, demanded, they helped him.

Cassian pulled her closer against him, burying his face in her hair. He stroked her back softly as his memories flooded back in. He was fighting and, for one of the few times in his life, he was caught off guard. One of the Rogue Illyrians had stabbed him in the wings before he followed through until one of his men pulled him off.

“Nesta,” he rasped out.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I never told you I love you. I don’t hate you, Cassian. I love you. I accept the bond. I want to be your mate. I want you to be mine. I don’t want anyone else. Please, forgive me. I never hated you. Please,” she begged as sobs kept racking her body. She didn’t know how to stop them. All her pent up emotions spilled at that one moment.

Cassian stilled at her words.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

He never thought she would say those three words to him. He was prepared to spend his life content that he could simply be acquaintances with Nesta. He never thought-

“Nesta,” he cupped her face softly before she pulled away, “Please, beautiful.”

She shook her head as she buried her face in his neck again. So he let her stay there until her tears quieted down. He heard quiet sniffles coming from her as her grip around him never relented.

“Nesta,” she let him cup her face this time, “Did you just say-Did you-You love me?”

Nesta couldn’t help but roll her eyes, “Yes, you brute. I love you. And I realised that I should have never pushed you away. Three days knowing you might have died was torture for me. I thought I missed my chance. That-That I never had the chance to show you what it felt like to have someone. To not be alone anymore,” she mumbled at the last bit.

Cassian didn’t have any words for the woman in front of him. He knew he had loved her the moment he saw her. He just never expected her to say the words back.

“Nesta,” he rasped out before pressing his lips against hers. Damned the memories and damned the consequences, all he wanted was her right now.

Any sane thoughts left Nesta’s mind the moment his lips pressed against hers. She didn’t still. She didn’t sit there with her eyes wide. She kissed him back. She kissed him with everything she had, with every ounce of love and longing that she had pent up for the longest time.

Nesta pushed Cassian back against the bed slowly as she ended up straddling him. Her hands cupped his face as they kissed slowly, tenderly like they had all the time in the world. His hands were on her hips, squeezing every once in awhile when their tongues would touch.

They only pulled back when they were out of breathe, their faces flushed and their chest rising and falling from the lack of breathe. But they were both smiling,their faces the happiest that they’ve ever been.

“I love you. I love you,” Nesta whispered to him as she leaned her forehead against his, “Let me make it up to you. Let me take care of you.”

“You don’t owe me anything, love.”

She shook her head, “I owe you everything and more.”

Cassian leaned up and pecked her lips softly, “Then just stay here with me tonight.”

She grinned, “I was never planning on leaving.”

———————————————————————————————————

Cassian huffed with his arms crossed as Nesta fussed over his sheets. It’s been a few days after Cassian had regained consciousness and she had not left his side even once. The Inner Circle had visited moments after he woke up when Nesta ran down the halls quickly after their kiss to tell them. All of them were overjoyed, thankful that he wasn’t dead. Cassian only teased them that they couldn’t live without him.

“Nesta, they’re fine. It’s fine.”

She didn’t listen to him. Cassian rolled his eyes before wrapping one of his arms around her waist and pulling her on top of him.

“Cassian!”

He chuckled, kissing her forehead softly as she sat sideways on his lap.

“Stop fussing. I’m fine. I can practically fly already if you aren’t worrying so much.”

She rolled her eye as she quickly got off him. He whimpered, giving her a sad look.

“No, Cassian. You’re still weak. I might hurt you.”

“Nesta, you weigh nothing in my arms. Frankly I think you need to eat more. You’ve been cooped up these past few days with me.”

Cassian was actually still confused as to why Nesta hadn’t brought him food if she accepted the bond. But he wasn’t about to rush her, he was happy with everything right now.

He saw Nesta gulp as she sat on the empty space beside him. He took her hand and kissed the knuckle before stroking it softly with his thumb.

“Nesta, please. Stop fussing. I know you’re worried but I’m fine. Go eat something. Or go out with Feyre. Or Elain. Or anyone. You deserve it.”

She shook her head before kissing his forehead.

“I’ll go get your bath ready.”

Cassian rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the smile on his face as she left to the bathroom. He loved Nesta with everything in him but he didn’t want her to fuss. She had spent days taking care of him. Running his baths, preparing his clothes, fixed his sheets, anything that would keep her near him.

Nesta walked back out of the room when the sound of water running resonated throughout the room. Cassian got up, only wearing a pair of pants since there was still a multitude of bandages around him. She couldn’t help but stare.

“It’s all yours you know,” Cassian teased as he kissed her cheek. She felt a blush crawl up her neck to her cheeks.

“Go get something to eat for yourself, Nesta. Please.” Cassia begged, his eyes soft and filled with worry.

She sighed, “Fine. But go bathe.”

“Yes, ma’am!” he saluted with a teasing grin before walking off.

Nesta was smiling the whole way to the kitchen.

———————————————————————————————————

Nesta balanced a tray of food in one hand while opening the door in the other. She heard the sloshing of water from the bathroom, meaning Cassian was still bathing.

Good. I have a few minutes to collect my thoughts.

When Nesta was preparing her food, she realised that she hadn’t officially accepted the bond with Cassian. She had never felt more like an idiot that moment. She had declared her love to him, said she accepted the bond but hadn’t done anything to make it official.

You’re so stupid sometimes, her mind seemed to tell her.

Shut up, she snapped back.

So she had tried her best to prepare Cassian’s favorite food along with hers as she decided at that moment that she would prove to him she accepted the bond. Nesta knew he was patient, which is why he never asked her.

He deserves better. But I’ll be damned if I don’t try to be what he needs.

Cassian walked out of the bathroom with a new pair of pants and a towel in his hands as he dried his long hair. He smiled at Nesta as he walked towards the bed before stopping in his way when he saw the tray of food on his bedside.

Is she-

“I realized that I never accepted the bond officially,” Nesta said shyly, “So I was wondering if you’d eat with me now.”

Cassian smiled softly at her as he tossed the towel into the bathroom.

“And you thought I would reject.”

She shrugged, “Well, I don’t know. I’ve never had a…I’ve never had-“ she blushed, “I’ve never had someone willingly court me before. Especially some 500 year old Illyrian,” she teased towards the end.

Cassian’s eyes widen as he sat beside her on his bed. He pulled her onto his lap.

“No one has ever courted you before?”

She shrugged nonchalantly, “They were all courting me either for my sister or because I was one of the few females left my age that was unmarried.”

Cassian shook his head, “They’re all stupid then,” he said with a smile.

Nesta smiled back at him with a small laugh. She grabbed the tray of food before settling in on her lap.

“I tried making your favorite. Azriel told me what it was. But it came out a little lopsided and bu-“

Cassian stopped her rambling with his lips. He cupped one of Nesta’s cheek before pulling away with a cheeky smile.

“I would eat anything you give me. Even if it was burnt or lopsided.”

Nesta huffed, trying to hide the blush that was crawling up her neck.

I swear. I’ve never blushed in my life and this 500 year old Illyrian can do it in seconds.

I can hear you, Nesta, love.

She glared at him as she snapped her mental barriers shut like Rhys had taught her to. Cassian laughed as he reached for the spoon on his tray.

“No,” Nesta snatched it away, “I want to feed you.”

Cassian stared at her, his eyes gleaming with joy.

“Really?”

Nesta felt her heart ache that her mate had a day where he was cared for. He had done everything himself and for everybody else.

“Yes. Now open.”

“Are you sure about this, Nesta? Once I eat this, the bond will be permanent and-“

She shoved a spoonful of food into his mouth. He huffed as he chewed and swallowed before tossing Nesta a glare.

“Of course you’d do that. Everyone else gets a romantic bond acceptance and you shove the food into my mouth.”

Nesta grins, “You talk too much,” she said while eating her food before scooping another bite for Cassian.

He sighed exasperatedly at her words.

“Hey,” Nesta called before she kissed his lips softly.

“I love you, Cassian.” she said when she pulled away with a soft smile on her face.

Cassian felt his heart beat faster at her words as he stared at her with all his emotions on display.

“I’m sorry the first one was unceremonious,” she mumbled as she brought up another spoonful, “I know it’s probably too late but, will you accept me as your mate?”

Cassian smiled as he pulled her uplifted hand closer to his mouth and took the spoonful of food. His eyes never left hers as he chewed and swallowed it down.

“I love you too,” he muttered as he cupped her cheeks.

“Good. You better.”

He laughed before she shoved another spoonful into his mouth. He couldn’t care less this time.

anonymous asked:

What was your life like as a gore??

I remember having a standard childhood. I was a simple Gore, curious about most things, albeit a bit ignorant and lazy because I haven’t been using my senses at that time.

I spent a great part of my life under my mother’s care. Her name is Ygnizem. She was the strongest, wisest and kindest mon I ever knew. I owe everything I knew to her.

She used to bring me along with her in her adventures. I could remember the first time we took off. I was scared at first, but later on enjoyed the coolness of the winds. We went to many places, and tasted all sorts of berries (except those dangerous ones like the Scatternuts). 

At some points during our travels, we would be attacked by all sorts of enemies. I wondered why they’re angry at us, we weren’t doing anything. But despite this, my mom stood strong and protected me from all of them.

Time did its course, and I became an adolescent. She taught me how to properly charge my blasts, and how to fight overall. There were no shortages in encouragement during those times.

It is a shame I had to leave her, but she said I must realize my true potential on my own, and to do that I must venture forth into the vast expanses of the mysterious world. Reluctantly, I did.

I won’t deny that I miss her so much, but I don’t know where to look for her. I have quite a lot of things to say, but I guess there’s always a right time for everything.

2

A lot of people really wanted lucio to enjoy sweater weather so! I drew him having a great time in sweater weather! In more sweaters! (Featuring whipcream mustaches)

When I say my wife completes me, breathes life into me, reminds me to live, or better yet is the reason I choose to live every day, people look at me crazy. But… Don’t y'all have kids? Shouldn’t your kids be that for you? Yes we do I say. And yes they are. But see one day our kids will be grown. They will pick partners of their own. And if lucky enough, they’ll choose a love like ours. But they will leave and branch out to have their own life and family. And her? She will still be here. With me. Still being my every will to live.

Caught

Helloooo lovelies! I’ve tried my best with this one, but it’s all I could come up with. This one was a request. I hope you guys enjoy it and if you’d like, send me an ask or a request or just come talk, I’m all ears! B xx

This one is about getting caught.

Originally posted by thatannoyingneighbour

It was maddening. The trace of his hands on her skin, the scorching heat of his kisses against her neck and collarbones, the pressure of his hips against her, pining her to the wall and making it impossible for her not to moan loudly when he’d press forward, the hardness of his cock pressing against her center in a insanely good way.

***

Harry and her had met years ago, when she was visiting a friend in common. After chatting for hours, they had exchanged numbers and never stopped talking again. Your after tour, year after year, there she was - standing on the side, making friends with every single person on the crew, but specially Lou. She had a thing for make up and hair, always wanting to learn a new trick so both girls ended up bonding, never mind the age difference. The boys, after seeing Harry wouldn’t give her up so easily, ended up warming up to her and what once was just politeness turned to friendship. They were close, much closer than when they first met, always hanging out together, even though they weren’t on tour.

She had a special place for Harry, though. They had met first and they shared so much in common, she couldn’t quite shake the feelings she had from the start. Scared she’d lose him, she had kept her mouth shut and rode the waves of his life without as much as a word in. Every new girl was like a punch in the gut. It was always the same thing: new girl, loads of crying, a weird break up story, her comforting him and then they moved on with their lives.

That was until six months ago, when she had had enough of it. She was so done with having to hide her feelings, so done with not being with him the way she wanted to, that she exploded.

They were back at his place in London, after he’d dragged her to Saint Barths, then LA for a few months and he was talking about his latest girl when she had enough.

“I’m gonna go back home.” She stated, sipping on her tea and not looking at him.

“Wh- what? Why?” Harry asked, the tone of surprise tinting his voice, a frown etched in his brow as he looked at her.

“I think -” she started, furrowing her brows and looking at the wall opposite to her, the cold of the tiles on her feet and up her legs, chilling her to the bone. It was still winter cold and even though the heating was on, she had forgotten to put pants and socks on. She regretted that decision now, feeling much more comfortable if she was completely dressed while confronting him like this. “I think I’ve fulfilled my purpose here. You wanted company, you’ve had me. Now you have your-” she gulped down a scorching sip of her tea, like it was tequila, so she’d have the guts to say the word.“… Your girlfriend and I don’t think she’d appreciate me being around you so much.”

“Where did that come from? What girlfriend?” He almost spit the word out, making her look at him with a raised brow and a look of incredulity on her face.

“You know who I’m talking about. And it hasn’t come from anything. I just don’t feel comfortable here anymore.” She explained, as good as she could, without putting her feelings on the discussion.

It had been months. They had been traveling together for months, here and there with his family and friends, always with her behind him, always together, touching, talking, cuddling, sharing drunken nights and hangover mornings. Her feelings had been driving her mad with want, his smile twisting at her heart, his voice and his touches, even though they were innocent enough, burned on her skin and tormented her on her sleep. He was no longer her best friend to her, he was the man she loved and she didn’t think she could cope with another heart break, after so many.

“Since when do you not feel comfortable around me?” He asked, a tone of hurt on his voice, as he raised to his feet and came closer to her, leaning against the wall she had been staring at through this whole exchange, making it impossible for her to look away from his eyes.

“It doesn’t matter since when, what matters is that I don’t wanna be here anymore!” She said, her voice rising in pitch. She hated when he tried to pull things out of her, she hated that she couldn’t lie to him, no matter how much she tried.

“You’re my best friend, I thought we had agree you’d be spending the break with me, I thought we had a deal.” He said, arms tight against his chest, face pulled in with a feeling she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

They were silent for a long time after that. They had a deal, she couldn’t deny it. They had made arrangements for the next six months, until he had to go shoot for Dunkirk and she knew it’d upset him to break their plans, but she couldn’t keep this going without losing her mind. The silence was so heavy she could almost listen to the corks on his head turning, trying to make sense of her decision.

“What is it that you’re hiding from me?” It was like a click. His stance had changed, as he uncrossed his arms and took a step forward, a determined look on his eyes, making him look almost dpretatorial. Her eyes widened as she took a step back and that struck a cord on him, making him falter. She had never pulled away from him, not even when she was mad and it was a sign that something was very wrong indeed, that she was hiding and that he needed to find out what it was if he didn’t want her gone. “You are hiding something.” He stated and she took another step back, setting her tea on the counter with shaking hands.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not hiding anything.” She said, crossing her arms and turning her back to him, pretending to busy herself with putting away the things she used to make their breakfast.

“Why can’t you look me in the eye? What have I done?” Harry asked. She could hear the hurt on his voice and it haunted her, making an unpleasant feeling set on her stomach.

“You haven’t-” she started, leaving the apple juice on top of the table, before turning around to face him. She knew this would ruin everything, she knew she would probably regret it with every fiber in her being, but she owed him. She owed him honesty. “You haven’t done anything. It’s me, I’m the problem.”

Her eyes were glued to the floor and the more she thought about what she was about to do, the more she wanted to scream. Her hands were shaking and her eyes were already teary, a lump on her throat.

“I- I know we’ve been friends for a long time now, so I think I owe you the truth, even if this ruins everything.” She said, her voice shaky and weak. “I know you’re not available and I’m not asking you for anything, it’s jus-” she mumbled, stalling and trying to get some time. “I love you, Harry.”

“I know you do, I love you too-” he started and she grunted, pulling her hair in frustration.

“Don’t be daft!” She exclaimed, looking up at him. “What I’m trying to say is that I love you. I’m in love with you. How can you be so clueless?!” Her  frustration was clear in her voice and she knew she was looking like s crazy person, but at the moment, she didn’t really care.

“Babe, I-” Harry looked at her with eyes as wide as saucers, his hands laying limply on his sides, shock all over his features. She knew this would happen.

“No. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. You were not supposed to know this and if you didn’t press me so much, you would’ve just let me leave without any problem.” She told him, anger boiling inside her.

“But that’s the thing, I don’t want you to leave…” He started, sounding lost and almost sad. He looked sad but she couldn’t let it get to her, not now.

“You can’t have everything! I know I always let go of my own problems and wants and needs for you, but I won’t do it this time.” She said, breathing in deeply before continuing. “I’m not asking you for anything. I’m just not comfortable anymore and as long as I feel like this, I believe we need to keep some distance.” She didn’t know how or why she was being so cold and unmoving about this. All she knew was that she couldn’t deal with seeing him with her, she couldn’t stand being his second choice time and time again.

“I never meant to-” Harry started, brows furrowed and shoulders slumped. He looked defeated and she had only seen him like that once before. She didn’t like being the reason for it, but it wasn’t like she could help it.

“Save it.” She breathed out. “I’ll leave as soon as I finish packing.”

And that was it. For a month, they had kept apart, not talking or hanging out. She avoided him like the plague, even when he’d call. She’d ignored every call, every text message, every tweet, every whatsapp message for a long excruciating month. It wasn’t like she was moving on, oh no. She was still utterly and completely in love with him. It was just that she was afraid. Afraid and ashamed she had let herself get dragged into those feelings and ruining their friendship.

She was back home from a hard day of work when her problems came banging at her door. Literally. She had just finished showering and changing into some flimsy shorts and an old sweater when she heard insistent knocks at her door.

Jumping up from the couch and looking carefully through the peephole, she saw him. His face was red from the cold weather outside, his hair disheveled and his eyes looking troublesome. She didn’t want to open the door, her embarrassment making it difficult for her to face him.

“I know you’re in there, I saw you going in. I’ve been waiting in the car for an hour now. Please let me go inside.” His voice was like a punch to her gut, velvety smooth and demanding. In times like these, when she hadn’t seen in a long time, it was his voice that she missed most. The deep and rough quality of it, but still gentle and smooth, which made the butterflies in her stomach turn upside down in flutters.

Taking a deep breath, she turned the knob and opened the door, facing him. The look on his eyes made her shake to her core. He looked sad, sad like she had never seen him before and that did not sit well with her.

“May I come in?” He asked, voice strained and shoulders squared up, like he was trying to make her look past his sadness, like he was trying to show her how strong he actually was.

“Always with the manners…” She mumbled before turning aside, giving him space to come in.

He looked uncomfortable, to say the least. He was fidgety and shaking, but that must’ve been because of the cold. England was nothing like L.A.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, after being silent for a long time, just looking at him while he tried to make himself comfortable on her sofa.

“Can’t I visit a friend?” He asked and her eyebrows shot up in surprise. If he was going to play dumb, she wouldn’t let him.

“Yeah, you can. If you were actually talking to that friend, which, if you don’t remember, we’re not. I’m not talking to you.” She said, arms crossed across her front and anger in her eyes.

“That’s your own choice. I’ve tried to talk to you, many times and you kept ignoring me.” He said, no expression on his face as he played with his bottom lip. She kept her gaze beyond him, at the wall behind where he was sitting. It was easier to keep her mind clear and focused.

“I told you that until I stopped feeling like I do, we should keep our distance.” She said, a pout setting on her lips. Why couldn’t he understand that they needed some time apart? It was for her sake as well as his and he needed to give her that.

“You decided that yourself. Where does my opinion come into this?” His arched eyebrow told her he wasn’t playing around. He looked annoyed, he looked angry and they both knew it was her fault. She just didn’t understand why he was so affected by it if whatever it was she was feeling would bring misery to them both.

“Your opinion doesn’t matter, Harry, not on this. This is my problem and I want to solve it my way.” She was stubborn, he couldn’t argue with that.

“Your problem involves me, therefore it makes it my problem too.” He deadpanned and she grunted, stomping her foot once and making him widen his eyes at her. She was acting like a child and she knew it, but he was so frustrating it made her lose her damn mind.

“Harry…” She sighed and looked him in the eyes for the first time since he’d come through the door. “When I said I was in love with you, I was not kidding. I’ve been struggling with these feelings for months now and I don’t want to lose you over it.” Her hands were shaking, but she had to tell him. Now that she started, she couldn’t stop the words from rolling off of her tongue. “I’ve been close to you for years, always seeing you go from girl to girl and I was always on the background, always seeing other people making you happy and I’m done with it. I’m done feeling sorry for myself, I’m done hurting and trying to pretend everything is ok, I’m done pretending I don’t feel anything for you!” Her voice was raising and she couldn’t control her breathing anymore. Her hands were shaking so much she couldn’t keep still. “It’s hard enough not having you around, but when you’re close I just… I can’t do this anymore. Can you please understand that?” She cried out, her eyes filled with tears, as she sniffles and rubbed her face with her hands.

“I can’t understand that if I’m gonna lose you over it.” He shook his head and her eyes snapped up at him.

Anger burning in her fingertips as she took two big steps until she had her finger pointing right at his face, while he sat down looking at her dumbfounded. He’d never seen her in such a state before, but it was too late to take back what he’d said.

“I don’t fucking care! I am TRYING to not lose you over it, that’s why I asked you for some distance but you are fuckin’ spoiled prick that doesn’t know when to fucking stop!” She was screaming by then, her face red with anger and her breathing coming out in short puffs, her lungs burning with the effort. “I love you and I won’t hide it just to make you comfortable so if you don’t want to lose our friendship, as you say, you need to give me some fucking spac-“ She was about to push him when Harry leaned up, taking her face into his hands and pulling her in and locking their lips, her words dying on his lips. She was breathless and her heart was roaring on her ears, the heat of his lips on her making her dizzy as she reached for his shoulders, to push him or pull him closer, she didn’t know. Her fingers clutched the soft fabric of his jumper as he pushed forward a bit more, dipping his tongue tentatively against her lips before pulling back a bit. Her gasp was audible and when she opened her eyes, the green of Harry’s irises were staring right back at her, unreadable.

She was about to pull back and run for the hills when Harry placed his thumb on her chin, the slight force making her part her lips before he leaned forward again and kissed her. His top lip fitting between hers as his tongue licked her bottom one and he nipped it with his teeth, making a jolt of heat and evergy run through her body, She was feeling boneless in his arms, too shocked to ask what was happening, too enamored to push him away. It seemed like her body had a mind of his own as her tongue tangled with his and her hand reached to his curls, the smell of apples and soap making her heart swell. They kissed for what seemed like an eternity, until their lungs were begging for mercy and their tongues were tired, lips swollen and red.

“I’m-“ he started but she pushed away, her hand covering her lips.

“Don’t say you’re sorry.” She begged before she could stop herself. That she couldn’t take.

“I wasn’t going to!” He exclaimed, suddenly annoyed at her. “If you’d let me do the talking for once, you’d know that I’m here to tell you that I-“ Harry started, his words stumbling into each other on their way out of his mouth and he breathed forcefully before continuing. “I’m here to tell you that I’m in love with you.”

It was like a shock to her system. Her body almost convulsed with the impact of his words and she sucked in a breath. If he was trying to make her die from shock, he was managing it.

“Wh- what?” She asked, genuinely confused. It wasn’t like she expected her feelings to be reciprocated. She was used to being the friend not the girlfriend.

“Babe, I- I didn’t know we were allowed to say we liked each other.” Harry shrugged, green eyes suddenly shy and weary. “For a long time, I pushed them away cause I thought you wanted nothing t’do with me and that’s why I reacted so badly at first but I can’t, can’t keep lying to you and to everyone else.”

***

Her hands were running up his back, nails nicking at the sensitive skin and leaving a red path on their wake. She felt Harry’s plump lips against her throat, the warmth of his breath shaking her to her core. His hands were strong and knew their way across her body, pushing all her buttons until he reduced her to a sweaty, moaning and needy mess, shaky thighs and pulsing core.

Right now, he had a hand on her pants, her back pressed to the wall as his fingers plunged deep inside her walls, the heel of his hand pressing firmly against her needy clit.

“Harry, fu-fuck!” She moaned in his ear, her thighs shaking against his sides and her walls clenching against his digits.

“C’mon baby girl, c’mon… I can feel how close you are, give t’me yeah?!” He urged her on, hooking his fingers and pumping against her spot, causing a shiver to run down her entire body.

“Harry, fuck, fuck, fuck, please Harry, please I-“ Her words died on her lips as she lunged forward, arm wrapped tightly around Harry’s neck, face hidden in the crook of his neck as she shook and came around his fingers, the feeling of his teeth sinking into her shoulder only adding to the storm of sensations that were blinding her.

“Well, happy fookin’ birthday, I guess!” The thick irish accent pulled her back from her high in a split second. The shock all over Harry’s face made her feel instantly mortified.

“Didn’t you two were fuckin’, could’ve told us!” The Yorkshire slow drag of Louis’ voice was enough to send her into a complete state of shock.

They had all gone on a small vacation, just a few days to celebrate her birthday and catch up with all the new projects the boys were doing during their break. Harry was the one to organize it, especially because he had just finished filming and needed a nice get away, to rest and get back to himself, her birthday was just the excuse to get them all back together.

“We’re not fucking.” Harry said, voice thick with shame and a bit of a shakiness to it. “She’s m’girlfriend.” He announced. She was still hiding against his neck, too embarrassed to even consider showing her face to the others.

“Nice of you to let us know. Well boys, I think it’s time for us to leave.” Liam’s cheery voice made her groan against Harry, pressing forward and holding him tighter against her. They would never live this down.

“Give’er a nice fuck, ey, Harry. It’ll be better than the present we got.” Niall joked and Harry flipped him off, throwing whatever it was he had within his reach as the boys laughed and scrambled out of the hotel room. “Fookin’ rabbits…” Niall breathed out as he closed the door.

“Oh my God.” She exclaimed, her face burning and looking as red as a tomato.

“Don’t worry, love. They’ll forget about it soon.” Harry reassured her, leaving a kiss against her temple.

“But Harry!” She whined. He couldn’t help but laugh, the situation too unbelievable for him to comprehend. His eyes scrunched up as he thre his head back, the image of her face full of shock still playing on his mind, a hand on his mouth to stop the loud cackles of his laughter to reach their neighbors.

“I’m sorry but you should’ve seen their faces!” Harry cackled, hand holding his tummy as he doubled over, tears in his eyes and breathing harsh, unnable to stop himself.

“Stop laughing, it’s not funny!” She exclaimed, trying to hold it in as he kept up. “Stop laughing or I won’t suck you off for a month!” She threatened, Harry reigning himself in almost immediately,

“Heeeey, that’s not fair!” A pout took over his mouth as he tried to hold in his giggles.

“Try me.” She crossed her arms, the smirk fighting against her pout, making Harry laugh at her attempt to remain serious.

“I wouldn’t let you and you’d miss my cock too much.” He mumbled, arms wrapping around her middle as he leaned down, kissing the tip of her nose.

“Oh my God.” She grumbled, hiding her face as the blush came back to haunt her.

“Forget about them and let me make it up to you.” He whispered, already pulling her back to bed.

“You’re such a shithead.” She joked, laughing as he pushed her to the bed, her hair fanning across the white sheets.

“Let’s see if you’ll still think I’m that bad while I have my cock buried deep in your pussy.” He smirked, spreading her legs and pressing a kiss against her knees. “But first, let me have a taste…”

7

I don’t know if I want to do this alone. I don’t even know if I can.

Essays in Existentialism: Punches III

Maybe you can do another Punches chapter? It would be so intresting to see Clarke meeting Anya, Clarke seeing Lexa fighting and strugling to accept that Lexa willingly fights and gets hurt. Thank you so much, you are my favourite fics writer :)

Previously on Punches

The city was frozen, though the thaw at its heart began to change it. Buildings dripped and streets cleared of ice, for a day or two, and the next wayward storm would blow its way through, punishing it for believing that it had a chance at all to reach the sacred gates of summer. But still, the city did its best to usher in the changing of seasons. The snow didn’t pile high anymore, but came in wisps and dustings, and the ice didn’t pepper the roads or sidewalks, but relegated itself to puddles and gutters. The city tried, so hard, to escape the perpetual winter, that it did not even notice or care at all, about what would happen on the other side of the world.  

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