I’m Not Useless
Warning: slight angst, if there’s others please let me know
Pairing: eventually Thorin x reader, the company, Gandalf
A/n: I’ve been working on this since I think december. I finally finished it hahaha My first Thorin fic, hope you all like it. Plus the tag lists are still open
Tag list: @douchepoolonsie @a-lonely-string @fandoms-writer @theoneandonlysaucymo @petlaufeyson @panic-angel3314 @feelmyroarrrr @nea90sweetie @mysaria @hymnofthevalkyries @idorkish @ladyjayelehnsherr @holding-on-to-francis @maxifuckoff @originalwinchestervamp @kylieisnotnormal @pureimagination01
Before Thorin had said anything about stopping for the night, you wondered off into the woods. You were shorter than Balin and you were as small as Ori, if not smaller. You thought none of the company wanted you with them. Thinking the only reason Thorin had let you come with them was because you were born in the halls of Erebor and you told him you wouldn’t take no for an answer. You would have followed them if he had denied you coming.
Armed with your bow and sword, you searched the woods for something better than a crappy rabbit. Slowly making your way through the trees, you hear a faint sound of a large beast. Pulling an arrow out of your quiver, readied your bow, and made your way towards the beast. The beast was grazing on some grass as you let loose an arrow. The arrow embedding itself into its back which only caused it to get angry. You quickly slipped your bow over your shoulder while drawing your sword. The boar charged at you. Just before the boar lunged at you, you swiftly leaped onto its back and drove your blade into the back of its neck. The beast fell to the ground which only caused you to go flying off but landed on your knee.
You stood up and smirked to yourself. You walked back to the dead beast and pulled your arrow from its hide along with your sword.
“Now let’s see if any of the others will speak poorly of me now.” You chuckled as you began to drag the beast towards where you thought the company would camp for the night.
Everyone started doing what they were assigned to do like always. Thorin was doing a head count only to realize he came up short. He walked about the area only to come see that you were nowhere in sight.
“Has anyone seen (Y/n)?” Thorin’s voice boomed over the area which caused everyone to look at him confused. Everyone except Bilbo.
“I haven’t seen her since earlier, before we stopped for the night.” Kili said as he was carrying some wood for the fire followed by Fili.
“I swear she is damn near as useless as Ori at times.” Thorin rubbed his forehead with his hand.
“Well, um, maybe she heard you talking earlier. She did seem a bit off before she wondered off into the trees.” Bilbo had seen you wonder into the woods. None of the others knew that you had overheard them and the look on Thorin’s face was proof. “She’s not as useless as you all think.”
Just then a loud sound echoed through the trees. It took a moment before most of them realized that the sound came from a boar, a pretty large one at that. Kili looked at Fili shocked.
“You don’t think that could have been?” Fili looked back at his brother shocked as well and shrugged. Bilbo stood there with a look of pride on his face, knowing damn well who just killed the boar that everyone just heard.
You saw the light of the fire through the trees and you heard some of the others talking. They had been talking about you, from the sounds of it.
“Do any of you know what (Y/n) did before embarking on this journey with all of us?” You heard Bilbo ask the others, to which you never expected none of them to answer.
“She was, um, she was.” Thorin tried to think of what you did. Truth be told, none of them truly knew of what you did. In all your years in Erebor, you never once set foot in the mines themselves. All you mainly did was smithing. You never made weapons like a lot of the other males, like Thorin, you mainly work with gold silver and copper along with some gems that were to be laid in the metals. You had known Thorin’s mother who you had made several pieces for at her request, knowing that the metal would be prefect just the way she wanted it and better.
“I was what most would call a jeweler. I worked with precious metals like gold and silver.” You walked out of the trees, dragging the boar towards the group. “In fact, Thorin’s mother had requested that I make a few pieces for her. Which most were beaded clasps for her and her family.” You looked at Thorin, seeing one of the beads you had made before Smaug invaded and took your home. “After Smaug attacked and after many had settled into Ered Luin, I didn’t pick up my skill. Instead I took up hunting and trained myself to fight.”
“You took down that beast yourself?” Bofur was shocked to see someone as small as you dragging a boar that was as big as you were, if not bigger.
“Yes I did.” You looked at Thorin straight in the face. “I’m not as useless as I look.” You walked past everyone, leaving the boar to the others to take care of. Oin had followed you, worried about you.
“Let me check to see if you were hurt, Lass.”
“I’m fine, Oin. The beast didn’t even touch me, let alone scratch me.”
“I want to make sure.” You held up your hands and looked at the Dwarf in eyes.
“Oin, I’m sure I’m fine. Mahal couldn’t take me down, not without a fight.” He shook his head and walked away. You only had a few moments to yourself before Thorin stalked over.
“What in the name of Mahal did you think that you could take down that boar by yourself?” Thorin looked pissed and it didn’t bother you.
“I heard what you guys have said about me. How I’m just as or more useless than Ori. Ori is a scribe you thick headed horse’s backside. You knew damn well what I did before that blasted dragon took our home. Yet you still had the nerve to say I’m as useless as a scribe, a scribe. Ori has proved that he has courage that you thought he didn’t have.”
“Ori is different.”
“No, Thorin, Ori is not different. The only thing that is different between me and Ori while on this quest is the thing between his legs. Yet our own burglar was the one who saw that I was not as useless as you tried to pin me as.” You pushed past Thorin, stopping next to him. “Now if you don’t mind, your majesty, I’m leaving this conversation before I get the urge to do something that would be regretted.” You continued past him and past the others without even a second glance at any of them.
The others just stared at you as you walked away from the camp site and into the woods. None of them said a single word to you as you walked past them all. Bilbo was the only one who tried to talk to you and even the wizard Gandalf spoke to you when he was around. Even Gandalf had tried to tell the other males that you weren’t useless like they thought you were.
You walked through the trees, lucky that you were light enough that no leaf crunched under your feet and there was almost no sound from your heavy boots. The quiet was like home for you, ever since settling in Ered Luin you had settled into a quiet area of the mountain. You didn’t have to listen to others talk about you, despite everyone had lost someone due to Smaug but you lost everyone close to you. You had lost you mother, father, uncle, and aunts, you had even lost a few friends but you didn’t want to burden anyone with your pain. The trees gave way to a small clearing. As you look behind you, you could still see the glow from the fire.
You walked into the center of the clearing and sat down in the grass. Looking up at the sky, you decided to let yourself relax. Sliding off your quiver and bow, you laid back and just watched the sky. Missing how the stars looked as you looked from above the gates of Erebor, missing the heat from the furnaces of the forges, missing how when you were a youngling and being friends with Thorin and not caring at the time of titles or of the dragon that would take over. The memories of your family flashed before your eyes and a single tear slipped from your eyes, sliding slowly into your long semi-matted hair.
You heard a twig snap from where you came and quickly sat up, swiftly grabbing your bow and an arrow then aiming it at the intruder. You would have thought Bilbo would come to talk with you but instead you find yourself aiming your bow at Thorin. You undrew your bow and set it back on the ground where you had it then laying back down on the grass, not caring if Thorin came or went. When the stubborn Dwarf didn’t leave you sat back up and looked at him.
“What do you want, Thorin?” Your eyes looking up at the sky above you.
“I have come to talk.”
“I do not feel there is a need to talk.” You gently slid a hand down your face before you sat up completely. You grabbed your bow and quiver before standing up. Turning to face the Dwarf that you had known your whole life. “You have already said enough so far on this journey. I doubt that there is anymore that you can say. You had already deemed me as useless and yet I killed something for your company to eat.” You started to make your way back towards the others when Thorin grabbed your arm and stopped you from walking further.
“Will you hear me out for a moment before walking off again?”
“Why shall I give you the honor of calling me useless to my face or even try to tell me just how foolish I was to take on that boar myself.”
“I am the leader of this company and the rightful king under the mountain.” His voice low and stern which sent chills down your spine but you were able to hide it.
“Good for you Thorin. I honestly lost all hope of caring what title you held decades ago. I do not care if you are the ruler of all Middle-Earth, I deny you of saying what you have on your mind. You have called me useless when you thought that I couldn’t hear.” You felt the familiar pain in your chest that you had been getting since this whole thing started. “You may be the leader of this company, Thorin, but have clearly forgotten that you weren’t the only one who lost people in the attack. You can stand here and say you didn’t lose your father and your sister while others have lost everyone. You have your family, Thorin. I have nothing to live for back in Ered Luin and I will not be able to lay to rest my family who had fallen trying to escape Erebor.” You pulled your arm from his grip and turned to look at him, trying not to think of the family you had lost. “Now that I see I can’t be left alone. I’m going to set up my bedroll and go to sleep. Good night, your majesty.” You started to walk away from Thorin.
“I said good night.” You looked back at him, not realizing a single tear slipped past your lashes and streamed down your cheek. Turning around, you walked back to the camp and off to the far side away from everyone you set up your bedroll then readied yourself for bed. You faintly saw the expression on Bilbo’s face as you walked by everyone, you knew he would worry about you since he was the only one besides Gandalf who saw your worth. You grabbed your cloak and went to sleep.
Bilbo looked from your now sleeping form to the others of the group. His mind was on how you made sure he was safe up until now. He released a sigh which didn’t go unnoticed by the others.
“What’s troubling you, Bilbo?” Bofur looked at a concerned Bilbo.
“(Y/n) has become like a sister to me. An older protective sister but a sister none the less. She had saved me many of times up till now.” He thought back to every time you fought fiercely when he became outnumbered or when he became slow.
The others sat there as the boar cooked, not really knowing how to reply to what Bilbo said. He thought back to the conversation that the two of you had earlier that day.
~ “I’m leaving the company tomorrow before the sun rises in the sky.” Taking off the hood of your cloak. “I’m tired of being belittled by those who are supposed to have my back.”
“You cannot leave the company, (Y/n). Who will keep me company and have an enjoying conversation with?”
“I must leave, Bilbo.” You looked towards Thorin, not regretting the emotion that was showing in your eyes. “No one but you wants me here, you have heard them yourself.”
“They are frustrated and this journey is getting to them.”
“That does not give them any right to say what they have said. I have just as much right to be here, being born in those tunnels like Thorin, Balin, Dwalin, and a few of the others.”
“How much younger that Thorin are you, if you don’t mind me questioning?”
“Only a couple years.”
“You look a lot younger than him, you look almost the same age as Fili.”
“That is very kind of you, Bilbo.” You gave the Hobbit a small soft smile, one that hadn’t seen much light as of late. “It warms my heart that you think that. Mahal knows we all need a friend who sees our worth even when others don’t.”
“Does that mean you will change your mind about leaving?” You shook your head at him.
“No it doesn’t.” You started messing with the butt of your blade. “I can make it back to Rivendell in a few days, a week if that and I’ve heard that the forges there are descent but nothing like the forges of Erebor.” You smirked a little at the comment.
“Whatever happens tonight, Bilbo, do not tell the others especially Thorin that I will make my way to Rivendell. Thorin holds a grudge with all Elven kin thanks to the Elven king Thranduil.” Bilbo nodded his head with a sad look on his face.
“I will not tell them.”
“Thank you, Bilbo.” ~
With dawn a few hours away, you woke up. Looking around at the camp and seeing that everyone was asleep. Quietly you packed up your bags and was about to take your leave when a voice made you stop.
“Where do you think you’re going?” The voice was not of one of the dwarves or even Bilbo but of Gandalf.
“I’m heading back to Rivendell.”
“You don’t have to lie to me, (Y/n). You’re going to head towards Erebor. You lied to Bilbo, telling him you were going somewhere safe.”
“He has enough to worry about with being with this company and all. If he knew where my path would truly take me, he would most definitely worry and try to keep me here.” You looked at Bilbo as he slept.
“Then why go? He sees you as a sister.”
“I know he does but I must take my leave before things are said that will be regretted.” You looked at Thorin and felt your heart hurt. The two of you used to be best friends when you were young and now it’s as if reclaiming Erebor is more important. “May the wind always be at your back.”
Without waiting for a retort or even a response, you turned away from the wizard and left the company. You knew you would see them all again, you just didn’t know when.