i never thought this would happen to me

4 months ago, I created a reminder that today I can message my ex best friend if I want to because I had such a hard time letting go of our friendship.

And I never thought this would happen, but I really don’t want to message her and it makes me so happy :)))

This weekend was so sh*tty melanie broke up with her girlfriend,  she cheated on her with some girl she met at the village and I ended up in the hospital. I’m feeling much “better” but i’ll be stuck here for a few days, I can’t leave until I see a psychiatrist because of my “history”. Sven took 2 days off work to stay with me and the last time I saw franz he was on his knees and crying, I don’t know where he is and I don’t care I told him to stay away from us. I can’t wait to get out of here I want to go back to work, lose this empty big belly as soon as possible and apply for a student loan before I start my courses on the 14th. I just want to thank some of you who sent me love and support messages, never thought it would happen on tumblr. I’m so used to anon hate it was a bit of a surprise😆

Old Wives’ Tales

Pairing: Solas x Lavellan

Rating: G
Summary: Look, Weekes, I know you’re not gonna give it to me, so I gave it to myself. Almost certain to be an AU, and I don’t care.

“You know, ma sa'lath, you really ought to give the Dalish more credit,” Alya said, regarding the glowing Eluvian before them.

Solas—Fen'Harel; gods, it was going to take ages to get used to calling him that—raised an eyebrow. “One can’t help but wonder why that’s the thought that comes to your mind at this particular moment.”

Alya smiled, interlacing her fingers with his. “Taken by the fearsome Dread Wolf, never to return again? This is exactly what the elders told me would happen if I was bad.”

He laughed, leading her toward the portal.

Alya stopped short right before they could step through. “Can we drop by Skyhold on the way? For the cats?”

The love of her life smiled fondly and kissed her hair. “Yes, vhenan. We can go get your cats.”

HAES doctors?

I got a letter in the mail today from my general practitioner letting me know he’s retiring and I’m steadily working myself up to a panic attack over it. I mean, he was the GP for three generations of my family, so I’ve been expecting it, but I thought I’d have moved to a cool place and would have already found a super open-minded doc there before it happened. Ha, right.

He’s always been really good about meds with me - finding the cheapest alternatives, stocking and selling certain prescriptions out of his office (like my asthma meds, which I get cheaper than pharmacy generics from him), etc. - and, most importantly, he’s never blamed any of my medical problems on my weight, which is, to me, the most relieving thing ever. I’ve had some really shitty experiences with other doctors over my weight, to the point where I still won’t go to any doctor unless I absolutely HAVE to, and then I experience serious anxiety every single time because I’m so afraid of what they’ll say/do.

Normally I’d just say “oh well” and, like, never go to the doctor again, but I am on meds for my asthma and depression that actually work and that I’ve learned I genuinely need to function. So now I have to somehow find a doctor here who will actually treat my problems and won’t send me into a spiral of anxiety and self-loathing because they think I’m a fat piece of shit. Fuck my life.

Anybody know of any soul-having, HAES-positive general practitioners in Eastern PA? Or have tips on finding one?

This is some stuff I’ve been needing to talk about.

I’ve been kind of a wreck on here lately.

For almost three months I’ve been seeing this one guy a few times a week. At the beginning things felt perfect; we got along great, he was never (will clarify is STILL never) mean to me, had the same interests. I thought maybe I’d finally found a relationship that worked for me. 

Near the end of the first month, things started to change. There would be “good hangouts” and “bad hangouts.” Good hangouts were the ones where it felt like he actually enjoyed being around me. We would laugh and cut up about whatever we were watching on TV, actually talk about ourselves and share parts of ourselves with each other. I would go home feeling great. Bad hangouts happened when he barely talked to me and I felt his arm stiffen when I reached for his hand. It reminded me of that Christopher Nolan movie where Christian Bale’s wife keeps talking about how he loves her one day and then not others but it’s really because he has a guy who looks exactly like him switching with him all of the time (sorry, spoiler alert I guess). It got to the point where I would dread having a good time because it almost guaranteed two or three weird nights after.

I’m going to interrupt and say that I’m totally making this about me; he’s dealing with his own shit and it’s not my right to put that all over the internet. Just so you guys know that I get that. 

When this started happening, things got really bad for me. Here I thought I’d found someone I liked and who liked me, and now the same thing that always happened and was going to keep happening to me happened. That, paired with work and friend stuff, sent my anxiety into a tailspin. For the last two months, it’s been an hourly battle not to fall down where I stand and start crying. I thought that if I could just talk to this guy about what was going on with us, then at least that was in my control and I would feel a bit better. 

That was a lot harder than I thought it would be. We would have a Good Hangout and I wouldn’t want to bring it up because I was scared of hearing something that I didn’t want to hear and ruining everything. I couldn’t bring it up during a bad night because I didn’t want to leave things like that in case he told me that he wasn’t feeling the whole “us” thing. I would chat with my friends at work all day before I would see him, rehearsing what I was *definitely* going to say this time. 

My self-esteem started plummeting while I hemmed and hawed about this conversation. Everything that I’d gained by having an adult-job that I was good at and having my shit somewhat together was gone. I felt like I’d regressed by three years. I would tell myself that I was too ugly and fat and stupid and annoying for anybody to ever love me. I’m trying to get better about it again, but I lived with those constant thoughts for almost a month. I wanted to do something to myself to make myself objectively ugly so that I didn’t have to try anymore. 

This past weekend I finally brought it up. It was a Good Night and seemed a lot easier than I’d been building up when it finally happened. I asked him what we were doing and told him that I didn’t feel like it was weird for me to bring it up three months in. He agreed, told me that he had been wanting to talk for a while.

It thought this was the point where I was going to hear what I’d been wanting to hear: let’s do this for real. He didn’t say that.

He didn’t end it either. He told me things about himself that I had no idea about, although it seems like I should’ve heard some of this by now. Like I said, I’m going to respect him enough not to put his side of things on the internet. But what it comes down to is that he doesn’t feel like he’s ready to be a good partner in a relationship. So I guess we’re still doing things the way they’ve been.

I don’t know what’s going to happen from here. I think my problem is that I always try to plan things too much. I stayed in an unhappy relationship for three years because breaking up wasn’t part of the plan. Maybe now is the time to stop planning. He will either decide he wants to be in a relationship with me or he won’t. Maybe he won’t and I’ll meet someone great. This time last year I was unemployed, I barely knew how I was going to make it from week to week, my long-term boyfriend told me he didn’t love me anymore. I’d been fired from my last job and didn’t think I would ever be able to find anything good again. In such a short amount of time, things have turned around so much for me. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t know what’s happening next. I’m sad, but that’s okay. No matter how this turns out, I’ll be okay in the long run. I just needed to vent about a lot of this to a bunch of strangers. So if you took the time to read this, thank you. And try not to judge me when I get too sad I guess.

Title: Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

Author: Lapis Love

Summary: "I never thought this would happen to me, that I would begin to crave the one thing nature said I couldn’t have, that I shouldn’t want, but he’s all I think about. What is a witch to do?“ That was just one question Bonnie Bennett asked herself, and stared at the only vampire in the world who could supply the answer.

Link: Here

Thoughts: I meant to post this yesterday but I got caught up rereading it so… Look if you like explosive chemistry, emotional connections and a twist that makes you want to through your pc out the window, then this is the story for you. There are so many other subplots to keep you guessing but the heart and soul of it is Bonnie and Damon and how wonderful they are when they come together.

anonymous asked:

Random thought (that most likely never happened): Imagine what it would've been like if Ford was ever tried to be put into a freak show when he was little bc of his 6th finger. It sounds so heartbreaking.He lives near a boardwalk.His dad is awful.

:(  :(  :(

okay but while Filbrick was awful, i don’t think he’d ever put either of his sons into a freakshow. it’d be too embarrassing and it wouldn’t bring the family THAT much money. but it does bring up an interesting idea…

anon, indulge me for just a moment.

it’s arguable that Mama PInes was close to Stanley. to her, he had “personality” and he was her “free spirit”. and since Filbrick didn’t appear to show that much love and afffection towards his kids, i would have to imagine that Ford was close to her as well. she probably told him at a very young age that his extra fingers were a sign of power and knowledge and symbolized that great things were coming for him in the future (he would slowly stop believing her as he grew up but this assertation helped further his interest in the paranormal)

now, imagine an au where Mama Pines died either in childbirth or within the first three years of the twins’ lives (so young that they either don’t remember her at all or barely do). Filbrick is the only one raising them, and growing up solely under his parenting (without too much (if any) love and affection) means that the Stan twins truly have no one but each other to rely on.

going back to the question of whether Filbrick would force Ford into a freakshow: i still don’t think he’d do it. i do, however, think he’d threaten it? like suppose Ford got one point off a perfect score on a test or something, he would be like, “keep this up and i WILL send to you to that freakshow on the boardwalk” which would scare Ford and make him work harder and it would piss Stan off to no end (he would also get berated and told that he’d better get his act together or he’d amount to nothing in life) 

so one day, when they’re 12 or 13, their dad gets especially pushy and the bullies get worse and Ford is more stressed than any kid his age should be. the twins sneak off to see the circus in town one weekend with the pennies the’ve saved in jars in their room. it’s there that Stan has the brilliant idea to run away with/to the circus (becuase it’s a much better option than a freakshow, and this way they’ll be with each other). Ford says no initially, but agrees a week later after a huge fight with Filbrick where the threat becomes incredibly serious. the twins manage to hop on the last train car and ride off into the next town over. 

the carnies take them in because they understand their plight and train them to be mini magicians, and the crowds eat it up (cute twins in matching costumes i mean come on). they carry this act for a few years (like til they’re 15ish) and then Stan becomes more of a one-person act and Ford concentrates on the behind-the-scenes effects and even creates a perpetual motion machine that’s involved with generating power for the whole circus whenever they’ve stopped no matter where they are (and he occasionally helps Stan with an act). the Stan twins are trying to save money to buy a real boat.

basically what happened in canon happens here, with a few tweaks. a person who works for West Coast Tech notices him running the stuff behind the scenes and tells him he should think about applying for a program there specifically implemented to help out geniuses who weren’t able finish high school (idk) and Stan doesn’t like the idea of this and accidentally breaks Ford’s machine. Ford is denied acceptance and gets pissed, but he’s still determined to go to school, so he takes his half of their boat fund money and heads to Backupsmore (to enroll in a similiar program idk i know it’s not really plausible but just roll with it). the carnies get pissed at Stan for ruining their power source and kick him out. 

and then the story is pretty much the same, except Stan is more of an entertainer than a salesperson

i’m sorry i just really love magician!stan

So earlier today I applied for a training course just for the laugh, it’s a pretty serious course. Only just realised they emailed me back saying I had passed the initial stage and needed to answer further questions to see if I’m suitable to move on to interview.😱😱 What like?? If this worked out this would literally be the best thing to ever happen to me! It would put me in an amazing job! Plus it would be the biggest kick in the face to everyone who ever doubted me and thought I’d never be better then them!
Actually really hope I at least get an interview!
Fingers crossed!

All Of The Stars (Michael/Luke. 33K) 

“You know I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who likes the rain” Michael’s tone sounded more curious than anything. Just really wanting to know why Luke liked the rain
“Yeah” Luke looked at the water knowing he wouldn’t be able to remember what he was going to say if he continued to look at Michael “Well I uh..I never used to. Before it was just something that happened a lot and I didn’t think much of it. But now that I never get it, I know that it would remind me of back home..kinda takes me back there” Michael shifted a bit, leaning back on his palms and stretching one leg out
“And what about the stars?” Luke pursed his lips a little. He’d never really thought about it before.
“I’m not really sure I just feel a lot better when I’m looking at them” like the way I feel when I’m with you. Luke pressed his lips together after that thought, not wanting to accidentally say those words aloud “Ashton said there’s some cliff upstate where you can see them perfectly”
“Sliver Point” Michael said immediately knowing what Luke was talking about and Luke noticed he looked pretty lost in thought there for a few seconds then he shifted his body towards Luke. Michael got this mischievous look on his face as he glanced behind him “I’ll race ya to that street light” and Luke didn’t even have any time to answer before Michael was sprinting off towards it and Luke jumped up and scurried behind him, his legs still in a little pain from overworking them for hours
“You cheater!” Luke yelled and Michael just kept running until he touched the street lamp and bent over “That wasn’t fair..my legs are sore”
“Aww poor wittle luke” Michael mocked him laughing and straightening back up. Luke got closer to him still breathing hard even though he wasn’t running even nearly as fast and Michael bumped his shoulder against his.
“Do you think your legs will hold up for a few blocks? I don’t live too far” Luke knew that even if Michael lived miles away he would still walk with him. There was no way he was going to let a little pain get in the way of being with him.

donotkawaii asked:

Ryuugazaki Rei for that send a character thing

(Never actually thought someone would send it )

-Why I like them: Big nerd with a big heart.

-Why I don’t: Hes way too embarrasing.

-Favourite episode (scene if movie): When he gives his spot in the race for Rin.

-Favourite season/movie: Second, since we get to know him more.

-Favourite line: “I promise not to embarrass myself anymore!”

-Favourite outfit: THAT FUCKING SPEEDO

-OTP: Reigisa

-Brotp: rin and rei

-Head Canon: he sings in the shower, fight me

-Unpopular opinion: hes cute

-A wish: for him to become the best captain ever!

-An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: for him to loose his friends

-5 words to best describe them: nerd, dork, smart, cute and embarrasing omg

-My nickname for them: refrige-REI-tor

(Also im in mobile. Sorry)

So there’s a boy who loves me and goes all the way from med school to law school just to see me when our free periods coincide and tells me I’m pretty even when my eyeliner is all smudged and I never thought I’d get something like that. If you’d told 2014 me that this would happen I would’ve probably made fun of you. I am so happy.

For the ones who never made it back to us,
I’d like to take the time to say:

we invented ghosts to feel less lonely.
The years happened too fast,
and we were sick with grief.

Momma says that our hearts aren’t breaking.
They’re just bursting with all the good and bad that’s happened to us.
I want to tell her about the time I thought the plane would crash for sure,
or  the time I thought the world would end,
or how every person I’ve met is a country inside of me
and I’ve swallowed enough passports to be fluent
in the language of leaving,
but still, after all these years,
I choke on words even as small
as goodbye.

I want to tell her about the time I almost wished myself gone,
wished myself memory,
wished myself car crash,
but I don’t want her to look at me
like she’s looking for the shipwreck
that happened to my heart.

Some days it still haunts me.

To think:

even now,
I’d make new mistakes just to
forget the old ones.

—  Y.Z, someday, we’ll make it
6

“Compared to other kids, I haven’t had that many hardships. Stuff’s happened but stuff always happens. But the real challenge in my life is me, it’s always been me. As long as I can remember i’ve never not been afraid; afraid of failure, of letting people down, hurting people, getting hurt. I thought if I kept my guard up and focused on other things, then no harm would come to me. I screwed up. Not only did I shut out the pain, I shut out everything; the good and the bad, until there was nothing”

The spectacular now (2013) dir. James Ponsoldt

9

To 김종운, Kim Jongwoon, Yesung. To our beloved Prince of Clouds, Happy 32nd Birthday.

What have i written on these posts in the past? I am having trouble starting off this year.

“Twenty-eight years have gone by, and in those twenty-eight years, Yesung has bloomed into an absolutely stunning young man.” 2011. Impersonal. I had you on some kind of mental pedestal.

“I still can’t really believe that I got to see you with my own eyes. Sometimes I have to remind myself I did, because although it’s not something I will ever forget, it’s something I never thought would happen.” 2012. After I had seen you for the first time at Madison Square Garden. That was a pretty intense time for me actually.

“Since last year, I realized to make you smile is all I ever wanted, and I finally got to do that.” 2013. Wow, i don’t remember being such a sappy person…

“You are someone who doesn’t ever deserve to be sad and lonely.” 2014. Still true.

For the most part, I have really grown up a lot from that first post. I know you have too, especially now that those two pesky years are out of the way. But i think the best part of growing up is that, despite all the things I have learned and the ways you have gone through your own struggles, you (Yesung, for everyone who will read this that is clearly not him!) are still my favorite singer in the whole world! Yes, it is true. When people ask me who my favorite singer is, no matter what country I am in, I always and unabashedly say it’s you.

I am glad. Because the fact that you are such a wonderful, kind hearted, hard working person has never changed and you have never let me down. I know the tweets you write about when you randomly think of your ELF and how much you appreciate them are a bit cheesy, but actually, the fact that you took the time to write out such a thing to let us know just proves we were in your thoughts in the first place…and I’m a sucker for cheesiness anyway.

Actually, I saw you two days ago. It’s funny that I’ve been in Korea for over two years but I’ve only seen you in concert..what? Three or four times? I hope that changes soon, because you are such a fantastic performer. I know your voice isn’t in the best condition right now, but that doesn’t take out how passionate and lovely the songs you perform can be. I hope you don’t feel guilty for getting sick. If anything, we all know ever moreso how hard you’ve been working, and we want you to rest!

I always try to get really deep with these letters, but I’m going to be honest and say that I think this is as deep as it’ll ever get. And that’s a good thing! Because I can easily say it, that I love you. How can I not? You have changed my life for the better, made me want to grow up and be a better person, made me want to be a good daughter and a good friend. Hell, you even saved my artistic self-esteem from going down the drain. Again and again, I love you Kim Jongwoon, you have been my sunshine for the past five years and counting!

Rest a lot, find beauty in yourself, and don’t worry so much about us leaving you, because I’m positive you’ll never leave us.

Happy Birthday, our sunshine Yesung! ♥

“James Carstairs. I remember the first time we met, the first time we kissed, the first time I thought you had been taken from me forever. Then a miracle happened and I remember the first time I saw your face again. I remember that day on the bridge not so longe ago. And then-then my world came crashing down. When I found your body, limp and lifeless. I never, ever thought I’d lose you again. I didn’t think it would come this quickly. I thought I had longer, longer to prepare for this. I thought I would have experienced more things with you. Now I can’t handle that you’ve been taken from me again. And this time you are gone forever. I’ve been left alone again. We were supposed to see the world together, Jem. What happened to that? What happened to sharing our experiences together? Why did you have to leave me? I love you James Carstairs, more than anything in the world. I’m going to miss you more than you’ll ever know. Please tell Will that I love him and miss him too. Goodbye Jem.” [AU by me]

After waddling my way through anxiety and my insecurities, I thought
it would be fun to make a bunch of gifsets inspired by your urls. 

Rules:

  • Must be following me.
  • Apply via reblog. Likes don’t count. 
  • Fandom urls only, please.

How this will work:

  • This post needs to reach at least 100 notes or I will probably get embarrassed and end up deleting it pretending it never happened and crawl back into my cave and never come out again. 
  • I’m not setting a limit for how many urls I’m gonna pick, I’ll probably choose as many of them that I’ll find inspiring. 
  • I might start making the edits right away and then I’ll just keep adding more urls to the list as time goes on. 
  • I won’t put the url into the edit, but I’ll always put it under it. 
  • Reblog before September 30th. That is the deadline. So you’ve got plenty of time you get on board. Please let me make a thing for you!

(ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧*:・゚✧