i never thought this would happen to me

I thought losing you
would be the most
hurtful thing that
happened to me,
not until I tried
to recall all
the beautiful things
I’ve felt
when I am
with you.
—  ma.c.a // After Shock

“Hey man happy birthday. Have yourself a lot of fun, for you are only going to be 18 once unless you never grow up :) ”

Last words my uncle said to me, on Facebook, the day I turned 18. 20 minutes later, he climbed a ladder to paint his house, fell down, broke his neck and instantly died. For such a long time I felt partially responsible because I thought, maybe this would not have happened if he wasn’t there writing me at that exact moment etc.

I found my coming out letter that I wrote on November 15th, 2011. Look at that shitty cursive. It’s funny, because now that I’ve found it, I feel oddly triggered.

My mom was planning to ban me from having my friends stay over unless I slept in one room and they were all in another. Luckily that never did happen, but if it had, that would have been really hard on me. She thought my dad would think it was a phase. And she was mad at me for being afraid of disappointing her. At the time though, I felt relieved to no longer have that secret from them.

Fast forward to where I am now. I sometimes feel ashamed of myself. Sometimes I wonder if I slapped a label on myself too fast; Since I came out I have had a few crushes on males and it makes me feel like a fraud. My mom always takes it upon herself to out me to people. She told  the family, she tells her friends, she tells everyone. I’ve never given her permission to do that. When people who don’t know ask me if I have a boyfriend I just say no because I don’t know how people will react or treat me; if someone asks my mom, no matter who it is, she tells them that I like girls. 

People always act like it’s such a big chunk of who I am and it’s frustrating. I’m more than just “Megan the lesbian.” But so many people treat me like that’s all there is to me. People assume that I’m going to be attracted to any girl they point out, when that’s not the case.

I don’t even know why I’m writing about this. I guess I just feel overwhelmed now from finding the letter. I feel sad and frustrated. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I am proud of being out. I’m proud that I like girls. It’s just bringing back a lot of emotions.

gun-bxtch  asked:

every time i read mwtw, it's like i'm swept up with this rising tide of reverence and perfect and selfless power, buoyed by the gentle guidance of effortlessly beautiful prose. i never thought it was possible - not to mention, i didn't think that a fanfiction would instil more pride in me for my nation than actual current uk affairs - but you've done it, you've achieved that. your words, and the currents of life inside them, are wholly enchanting. i fall gladly, unwaveringly, under their spell.

Wow, this is a really really nice thing to get in my askbox! Thank you so much!! Thrilled to hear — in fairness, Brexit didn’t happen in the MWTW universe. Clarke & Lexa may have had different things to say otherwise :-) 

Hit the Diamond

The way that this episode had not only things I wished, but things I thought that would be pretty unlikely to happen makes it hard to believe that I’m not dreaming, somehow. At the beginning of this year I made a fancomic with lots of Rubies and had such a great time just by playing with the idea… I could never imagine that we would have such an anime-istic episode WITH THAT MANY RUBIES. AND SO MANY RUPPHIRE MOMENTS. The jokes were amazing, all other characters were just as incredible, DAMN. I’m so happy! 

It keeps bothering me that they decided to show that galra shield in Sendak’s ship to the audience through Keith, when they could very well have used Shiro or Allura, people we know has a past with the Galra empire, or even Sendak himself.

Okay, that sounded confusing, so let me try to elaborate. English is not my first language, so it will be a bit hard.

On the first episode, after Shiro and Pidge casually ditched Keith to his own luck on finding Red, we see him running around until he find himself in a… A…

He has two paths to go and doesn’t know which one to take.

You know, this

Now, the composition on this scene is interesting. You have the galra symbol hovering above Keith, who is right in the middle. It’s almost like it is pointing at him. 

Scratch that, the whole scene seems to be pointing at Keith in this one. No matter where you look, the lines take you back to our favorite Red Paladin. 

And then, this happens.

His whole body language changes when he sees it. He straightens his back, his arm falls to his side and I do wish I had HQ screencaps of this moment, but I don’t, so bear with my rushed kisscartoon misery.

And then he actually stares at it.

He stares at it for sometime, and only stops when he hears the galra soldier coming. His whole expression is… I don’t know how to put it. fucking language barriers, dude. If I were to name it anything, it’s almost of somewhat familiarity. 

As if he’s seen it before.

And then we see his expression changes yet again as he hears the soldier approaching and remembers why he’s there.

And not once the galra symbol leaves the screen in this brief moment. It’s always there, pointing at Keith, above Keith, on Keith’s visor…

Now, after three years hearing my teachers saying over and over again that nothing in animation is there just because, that everything was throughout planned to be there and be the way it is, I can’t help but wonder what were dreamworks and studio mir’s intentions with this one.

I mean, there’s the obvious one: to show the viewers one of the shields of the Galra Empire. To know that, whenever this symbol and others similar to this appear, it means that it’s related to the Galra in one way or another.

The thing is… Why do it through Keith, out of all the characters?

They could have done it earlier with Shiro’s flashback, as he remembered that he was in that ship before, at one point of his time as a slave from the galra empire. 

They could have done it with Sendak, since, you know, it’s his fucking ship.

They could have done it even with Allura, when Sendak first contacted the castle, and she could have recognized the symbol from the time Altea was being attacked.

But they made the deliberate choice to do it through Keith’s eyes.

They sat down in a room, discussed over this scene, made the storyboard, and decided that showing a Galra symbol through Keith, going even as far as keeping the reflection on his helmet’s visor when there were very few other times they used reflection to show anything in this show.

And here’s my guess on their not-so-obvious reason on to why they made this choice:

They want us to associate the galra with Keith, even if in the back of our minds.

The last time I saw a show giving this sort of hint was in the really fucking good anime Erased. In the op, for a very brief moment, you see the reflection of the killer in the shattered glass.

It’s not a really obvious reflection, for you still have a hard time associating the face with any named characters before the great and majestically composed reveal. And it lasts not even a second, so, unless you’re an obsessed theorist who lives in a shack in the desert and went through the op frame by frame, you barely notice it.

But is enough for you to make out a black suit, and now it’s imprinted in your mind that you cannot trust the man in the black suit.

SPOILER: And, as it turned out, the only character who used a black suit in a regular basis was the killer.

And just like in Erased they wanted you to associate black suit with the antagonist through the reflection, I feel like Voltron is trying to do something similar in here with Keith.

They aren’t straight out telling us, but they aren’t exactly keeping it from us. At a first glance, it’s just another in between scene before Keith gets to his lion.

But when you put it together with all the other slightly more obvious pieces of evidence…

… I dare to say it’s a quite brilliant hint.

TL;DR: Either Keith is a galra and they want us to associate one of the galra symbols directly to him as a hint, or I’m going completely crazy here.


@koitoshi asked for Kenma and Kuroo wearing glasses and i was like siGN ME UP

we fell out of love 
those are just 5 words 
we say when we dont want
to explain what really happened
how can i explain to someone 
in a couple of seconds 
that when we went our separate ways 
it felt like i fell off a cliff you were my gravity
the same way it holds me down you held me down
so fucking close to you i swear i thought we could never be apart
i fell down i couldn't control the fall i was just waiting to land 
and be dead
the same way i felt while we were in love every single fucking day
i was on top of the cliff looking down waiting for the day you leave
and thats when i would fall over and land so fucking hard at the bottom, it happened so fast 
i dont even remember falling off but fuck i remember the land 
i remember not being able to move or think or sometimes id forget to breathe
i dont know if its because of the fall that shortened my breathing or maybe i didn't want to anymore
you told me maybe we’d work out one day but right now we intoxicate each other, and poison our cells  
your parents fell out of love it took them 10 years to realize it, it was through missed dinners 
and secret phone calls 
and coming home later than they said they would 
you dont realize they’re leaving but in reality they were gone all along you just refused to believe it
how am i supposed to explain to anyone that you were the blood that ran through my viens and the reason why i ever fucking smiled in pictures
i saw you in the sun every sunday morning and i felt you in my covers wrapped around me every single fucking night i was trying to sleep but you made your way into my skin and all the way up into my brain and into my dreams id wake up every fucking morning screaming begging for you to just go away but you were always there
and i cant tell if i loved having you on my mind all the time or if you just fucking stressed me out 
but now i see you in the pills i swallow to fucking try and forget you 
and i saw your tongue between her teeth and i understood maybe we were never meant to be.

we fell out of love



So we lose something important. So we forget about it altogether until your he or she asks:

“What happened to us?”

I’ll tell you what happened. We never got a chance to grow without one another. So we did the opposite of growth, we decay. I’ll tell you what happened. I changed first. My hands stopped reaching out for yours one of those casual boring days– I got comfortable. I thought you to be forever. In some way, you’ll always be timeless to me. In some way, we’ll always be together. I’ll tell you what happened next. You did. You happened. All of my empty threats to leave you, they finally broke you. So you found comfort among strangers. I don’t blame you. I never did. I would’ve left me too. I’ll tell you what happened last. I know why you did it. All of my new friends are strangers. I get it now. Strangers are like one night stands, except you don’t have sex with them. You tell them your story. You see, my story about you is way different than your story about me. When strangers ask me why I write so magnifyingly– why I snipe their hearts, why this magical carpet just won’t quit– I always tell them about you. You placed a passion so deep into my soul that I’ve burned my way through hell just to see if you’d return. You want to know what really happened between us? The truth is:

“We happened to us.”

“I’m forty-eight now. I’ve been dating a woman for over two years. And I’m getting to the point where I probably need to cut her loose or commit. I’ve never been married. I’ve gotten close with two or three women. I actually got as close as City Hall one time. But I’ve always backed down. I guess I thought that I’d eventually meet a woman, and some sort of pathway would open up in my mind, and I’d know that she was the right one. But it hasn’t happened. I’ve never gotten to the point where the thought of marriage doesn’t freak me out. And here I am again. I just spent a wonderful day in the park with this woman. It was lovely. But now my mind jumps to the future. And I worry that there’s something I’m not seeing. I’m afraid that something will reveal itself once we’ve exchanged our vows, and suddenly my life will be worse than when I was alone.”


Planet Earth. This is where I was born. And this is where I died. The first nineteen years of my life, nothing happened. Nothing at all, not ever. And then I met a man called the Doctor. A man who could change his face. And he took me away from home in his magical machine. He showed me the whole of time and space. I thought it would never end. … Well, that’s what I thought. But then came the Army of Ghosts. Then came Torchwood and the war. That’s when it all ended. This is the story of how I died.


Doctor Who - [2x12] - Army of Ghosts | For the first nineteen years of my life nothing happened. Nothing at all. Not ever. And then I met a man called The Doctor. A man who could change his face. And he took me away from home in his magical machine. He showed me the whole of time and space. I thought it would never end. That’s what I thought. But then came the Army of Ghosts, then came Torchwood and the war. And that’s when it all ended. This is the story of how I died.