i never stop thinking about you

Letters (Part 1)

Summary: In which a former HYDRA prisoner writes one letter every day for years, hoping that one day her lover will come back to her.

Warnings: none

Ship: Bucky x fem!Reader

Words: 550

I am giving names to the reader because it makes sense with the storyline. Just read it. You’ll get it.


Letter #1

April 9th, 2010

Dear James,

I am writing this letter to you, even though I know you will never receive it. I am writing the letter to you, even though I know that if you do find your way out of that hell, I will never see you again. I am writing this letter to you because I fucked up, and it is the only thing keeping me from having a psychotic break.

I am terrified. It has been three days since I escaped and I can’t stop thinking about what they are doing to you. I am trying to convince myself that you are okay, but I know that is foolish of me to think. They are hurting you more. Because of me. I tried so hard, and I understand if you will never forgive me for leaving you. If I could go back and change things I would. I just want to be with you.

I am getting my passport and leaving for America tomorrow. I had to change my name so they wouldn’t find me. I am now Indigo Petrova. I dyed and cut 9 inches off my hair, and for that, I am truly sorry. I know that my hair gave you comfort. I cried the moment the blade touched my locks.

I hope that one day we will see each other again.

Love always,

Y/N Y/L/N

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always fun to learn about how your country has done something utterly horrible lasting until the 70s destroying the lives of thouands of people in your own country and also learning that they don’t even say a word about this in school

anonymous asked:

okay i just found your blog and i really want to get more into bts, i listened to them for the first time in april 2017 :'( i feel sad because i've missed so much, and i stan another group and then bangtan. i love both groups. but ah wish i could have been around during hyyh era. i was always doubtful about listening to them because i felt like they didn't need me, but i stopped thinking that way and just let them into my heart. now almost two months later i regret nothing!

hello anon! please don’t feel sad! it’s never too late to get into bangtan and soon enough you’ll be a part of their new era. but there are a lot of content to catch up on I agree, they really spoil us a lot!!

though I’m not really sure about what you meant by “i was always doubtful about listening to them because i felt like they didn’t need me” (y wud u think that ;_;) but I’m glad you no longer think that way and gave them a chance!!! welcome to the family and I’m happy that you’re here ^_^♥

you can’t hate people for their own good and anyone who tries to pull some “i just need you to constantly interrogate you orientation until you either switch to one i like better or admit you’re a terrible oppressor and therefore it’s okay for me to treat you like crap” is not actually being nice

and just because i’ve been there and i’ve seen it happen to other people too often to count: if you’re ever being jerked around like that by someone forcing you to chose which bits of yourself you get to stand by or prove your devotion to the Superior Identity and shit? it will never be enough. they will never stop watching for any fault, they will never stop reminding you how terrible that part of you that wasn’t like them was, they will turn nasty if they even think you might not be pruning yourself into a shape they like. when they talk about solidarity and how loved you will be when you fit in just right, they’re lying, because if they ever loved you it would not even be a conversation. what they are building is not “community,” it’s a hierarchy with them at the top graciously drip-feeding validity under the very explicit understanding that they can stop any time they like.

it’s not worth it. find people who accept even the parts of you they don’t understand, or find people who share so many identities with you that it’s not an issue, but never beg for acceptance from people who think it’s a prize to be handed out.

anonymous asked:

Have you thought about taking down the stories you're never going to get back to, the stories you know you won't get back to for a while, and the ones you know you want to completely rewrite? I think that would be a good idea bc it might take a little stress off of you and allow you to focus more on your prioritized projects and maybe will make you feel less like you're buried under all these WIP's. (and will stop the "will you ever update _" questions's after a new wave of ppl read an old WIP)

There’s a few reasons why I won’t take stories down–for instance, losing the time stamps of when I posted them. Secondly, I *honestly* never know when I’ll get the urge to write for something. All it took for me to not give up the guides fic was some anon asking me to update a few months ago, lol.

I don’t know how to say this right, but everything on my FP account means more to me than just finishing them eventually. They mark that August day when I sat down on my bedroom floor and wrote my first slash fic at 17, and the night I finished The Stand in my first college dorm room and wanted to write post-apoc at 18, and that time I posted a supervillian fic on a whim at 21.

And if all of that sounds like bullshit, my cynical friends, you may notice I also never took down all the weird shit I wrote when I was 14. 

I’m just that lazy ;)     

3

Throwback Sunday - Jack talking about the channel (shortly after reaching 250k subs) and his fears of ending up getting lazy and not doing the best he could.

It’s funny to see how this fear has always been there but has never stopped him from putting all his energy into his work. If anything, it has made him stronger and more motivated, I think! And I really don’t think he’s messed it all up at all :D

(from “Thank You for All Your Support!”)

Why do I still love you. Why are you always on my mind. You hurt me so badly. I should hate you, but it’s completely the opposite. I will always love you. I can never stop loving you.
—  you’re the reason I can’t start anything new

And then I realised how easy it is for someone to pretend that they care; how easy it is for them to distract you with kindness just long enough to stab you in the back and escape before you realise you’ve been well and truly fucked.

Anyone can pretend to be concerned about your sleeping patterns and anyone can ask about your dreams. You need to stop falling for words and start falling for actions before it’s too late. Before the knives build up and the pain builds up and everything becomes fucking unbearable and you end up on the floor surrounded by the regrets caused by boys who never even
Gave
A
Fuck.

What your favorite Beatles album says about you
  • Please Please Me: you're cool and care about your hairdo, but you've got a softer side. you giggle when boys look at you from across the room.
  • With the Beatles: you really like the Beatles, but for some reason you don't wanna hear them do their own songs. but you really, really like the Beatles.
  • A Hard Day's Night: nobody really knows the real you. they think you're a suave, energetic socialite. deep down, you're a farm hand with a piece of wheat sticking out of your mouth, trying not to cry. you can cry if you want. it's okay to cry.
  • Beatles for Sale: you think your friends all secretly hate you, and you think strangers all secretly love you. also, George is your favorite Beatle and you like hearing Paul scream.
  • Help!: you really like ironic humor and feeling sorry for yourself, and you think people would be happier without you in the picture. you need to understand people care about you, and you should learn to like yourself. but proposing to a girl in a jumping 12 bar is wrong. don't do that.
  • Rubber Soul: when people ask you what kind of music you listen to, you say you like all different kinds.
  • Revolver: crawling into bed, you're half asleep before you remember to set your alarm. you do it with one eye open.
  • Sgt. Pepper: people say you're really together, but you know you're not. you wonder why people think you're seamless. you have so many seams. it seems they don't see your seams.
  • Magical Mystery Tour: your parents fought a lot in front of you. i'm sorry.
  • The White Album: you're greedy and like the blues.
  • Yellow Submarine: this album says a lot more about you than i have room to type about sorry you can pm me
  • Abbey Road: you won't stop trying until you're sitting at the top in a gold encrusted throne made of the skulls of your enemies and the good wishes of your friends. you don't know how to rap.
  • Let It Be: you think you have an intimate relationship with somewhere between 1 and 4 of the Beatles in a way they'll never understand. you watch a movie again if it makes you cry.
Tantalizing

Originally posted by jikookfantasy

Tantalizing: 01 02 03 04
Ship: Jungkook | Reader
Description: Back in high school, you were nothing more than a nerd Jungkook wanted to deflower, to get a good fuck from. When he sees you at the club, though, things have changed drastically, and his dominance starts to teeter on the edge.
Warning: Cumplay, Degrading Names, Angst, Intercourse, Oral, Orgasm Denial, Thigh Riding
Word Count: 5,965

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fuckboy » jjk » m

» request: nope

» genre: smutttttt

» author’s note: i was hoping to be able to get to 5k words, but unfortunately that didn’t happen :’) anyways, i still think this is the longest scenario i’ve written which i’m kind of proud of tbh ?? i really like this one and i hope you all do too! feel free to request any sort of au scenarios and i’ll be sure to write it !

» word count: 4.3k+

» warnings: fuckboy jungkook, sexting, phone sex, oral (female receiving), dirty talk, praise kink, unprotected sex

**nsfw under the cut

You sigh to yourself as you collect the randomly discarded articles of Jimin’s clothing scattered through the house. You roll your eyes as you grasp a pair of his underwear, tossing them into the basket which has now grown heavy with the weight of his dirty laundry. “Seriously, Chim, is it that hard to pick up your clothes?” You ask as you walk into the living room, picking up an old t-shirt from the back of the couch; you stop in your tracks once you finally look up.

“Sorry, Y/N.” Jimin flashes you a sheepish smile, but you are no longer worried about him. Your eyes travel to the other person in the room, Jeon Jungkook; he leans casually against the wall, taking a sip from a bottle of water. “Have you met Jungkook?” Jimin asks you casually, flicking through the channels on the television as you glare at his friend.

“I don’t think so,” you say truthfully; you’ve never met Jeon Jungkook, but you’ve heard of him, many times. Most recently, his antics had been called to your attention by a close friend of yours, and to make a long, long story short: Jeon Jungkook is a fuckboy.

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anonymous asked:

prompt: andreil + emergency room visit

(this is a sequel to THIS ‘I think there’s someone in the house’ fic!)

The paramedics hammer on the door, and Neil looks up, teary-eyed, from where his face is pressed into Andrew’s damp hair. He’s feeling for his breath with the back of his hand, waiting moment to moment for Andrew to die in his arms, silently like he does everything else. Urgency keeps stunning Neil all over again, hysterical defibrillators. The EMT’s are calling out through the wall, muffled but calm.

It feels unthinkably wrong, their absolute evenness and ease outside his door when his life is an exposed neck and Andrew’s death is the whirring blade of a saw.

He realizes that he has to get up to let them in, and it seems as impossible as it would be for Andrew to spring up and answer the door himself. He feverishly wants them to crumple the door to splinters and be inside already. 

It’s a herculean effort to ease Andrew to the ground, like he’s gritting his teeth and cutting off his own leg. He touches Andrew’s clammy face briefly but he can’t bring himself to try and slap him awake. He props Andrew’s bare feet up on the rim of the bath so the blood will flood towards his head, at least.

He feels untethered to his body when he stands, a helium balloon with its usual weight passed out on the bathroom floor. He falls into the wall immediately, adrenaline neck and neck with exhaustion.

He finds his way to the front door without his mind’s help. His head is in the bathroom with Andrew, and he knows that no matter what happens it’ll be there for a long, long time.

The next time he blinks, a man in uniform is holding his biceps and peering down at him seriously.

“—sir? Sir, are you hurt at all?”

“No,” Neil says, lips numb. “Bathroom. He’s in the bathroom. He’s bleeding to death.”

He turns, easily slipping the paramedic’s grip. There’s a procession of them, hefting a gurney and a couple of kits, and they’ve brought all the cold from outside in on their heels. They’re such a foreign object in their warm, messy apartment — uniformed, official, and precise.

It’s deadly, walking in and seeing Andrew spread out in his boxers, blood oozing through his t-shirt from his loose stitches, pale enough to match the porcelain. Neil’s seen enough corpses to recognize what they look like. 

He falls heavily to his knees and puts his head directly to his chest, listening, tears slipping hotly over the bridge of his nose.

“Please,” he slurs. His heartbeat is a tentative thud, a knock from an unexpected guest. “Help him. Now, help him now.”

“We’re going to try our best Sir, but you’ve got to get out of the way,” someone says gently.

He topples backwards onto his hands. It’s a cramped space, and he knows it would be easier if he waited outside, but he also knows he’d rather die than leave them alone with him.

The first guy kneels down and takes Andrew’s pulse, and Neil shakes his head. They’re too slow, time is feeding directly into a wide open drain.

“He needs an IV. He’s two litres down, at least. You’ve got to—“ A petite woman puts a hand on his shoulder and he shrugs her off violently. “No! You have to listen to me.”

“We know what we’re doing,” she says. “Are you an MD?” She eyes him doubtfully, gaze flitting from his scars to where her colleagues are taking vitals and cutting through Andrew’s clothes.

“Yes,” Neil says wildly. “And he needs an IV. Possibly two. Large-bore, normal saline. He’s not getting any oxygen, and he’s been like this for as long as it took you to gather your meager response team.”

She purses her lips, but she’s a professional. He can see her repressing her anger and it infuriates him. He feels like he’s crashing, over and over again, and he’s watching someone daintily pump the breaks.

“He’s right,” one of the EMT’s says distractedly. “We’re gonna need to get some fluids started, he’s in hypovolemic shock, sats below 50.”

“You want to tell me what happened?” one of the men asks.

“No,” Neil says as evenly as he can manage, reaching out to graze Andrew’s cold fingers.

“Did you do these stitches?” the woman asks, pulling at Andrew’s skin to get a better look at them. He suddenly sees how they must look to them, sloppy and angry red. Neil bends her arm away without thinking about it.

“Don’t touch him,” he snaps. He could break her arm and it would make him feel better. He drops her, disoriented by his own violence.

“There’s no need to be antagonistic,” the first man says. “We don’t want to have to remove you.”

“You really don’t,” Neil agrees. “You won’t succeed.”

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I no longer remember the sound of your voice.

Clueless (M)

A one-shot based on a request from @angustdissin. Hope you like it!

Moodboard

Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Roommate! Jungkook, slightly dom! Jungkook, smut and fluff

Word count: 7,469 words

~•~•~•~

You were greeted with the sound of the TV blaring from the living room when you opened the front door of your house. Although he couldn’t see or hear you, it didn’t stop you from letting out a small sigh accompanied with a smile to yourself as you untied your sneakers and put them away neatly on the shoe rack. The thick white socks you wore made your steps quiet.

As you padded into the house, you weren’t surprised to find your roommate sprawled on the floor with his back leaning against the lower half of the couch and his long legs stretched carelessly under the coffee table. He was staring at the show playing on his laptop on the table but you weren’t sure if he was really paying attention to it. At first you opened your mouth to check if he needed a call back to Earth, then you saw the gaggle of men and women sprinting across the screen and gasped.

“JUNGKOOK! How could you?!”

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You

Originally posted by rossfbutlers


Pairing: Zach Dempsey x Reader

Request: “17 - Zach Dempsey”

Prompt:

17. “Well, she’s hot. Why don’t you try to date her?”

Word count: 1.530

Posted: 16th of May 2017

A/N: OMG! It’s my baby’s birthday, happy birthday to my angel and cinnamon roll, and I would appreciate it if you talk about MILES in my ask box. I am disappointed and sad too, so Miles would really cheer me up right now. I am so tired and I have some tests and oral tests for tomorrow, that sucks! I hate school so much and I can’t wait for it to end. Honestly.
I hope that you like this Zach imagine and I would appreciate it if you send some requests. Thank you so much, I love you all.

- G. x

Warning: few bad words, I think.


“Zachary Dempsey!” You shouted as you tried to catch your best friend’s attention. You were complaining about some iniquities of your Maths teacher about your surprised long test earlier that day, but you stopped when you noticed that he wasn’t listening to you.

You decided to have a picnic after school as you wanted to study for your Peer Communications exam together. Your final exams were coming soon and school was about to end, finally.

The day seemed so calm and tranquil. The mild and fine weather just came in as the colourful flowers bloomed and the trees suddenly became green. The heat of the sun kissed your skin as the howling gale made your hair sway in different directions and the only noise that could be heard was your fussy voice, together with the chirping of the birds.

“What the hell?” He jumped a little bit, accidentally throwing his pen on the blanket that you were sitting on. “What is your problem?” He asked with his furrowed eyebrows, still having his gaze concentrated in somewhere else.

“Dude, I was blabbering with no one!” You nudged him to catch his attention, but he was lost in his thoughts once again so you followed his lost gaze.

Your heart suddenly ached and your chest tightened as you saw him staring at a familiar and pretty girl from afar.

“Hannah.” You slowly nodded your head as you closed your heavy and thick Communications textbook. You remained in silence as you dealt with the deafening sound of the falling fragments of your heart.

Honestly? You really liked Zach since your Sophomore year. It started with a simple and innocent crush, but you started going out as friends and your feelings for him just grew wider and deeper. You tried to repress every emotion that you felt for him by avoiding him once, but it was useless because you kept on falling in love with him more and more every day, at first slowly, but then all at once.

“What’s up with her?” You curiously asked as you twiddled with the pen in your right hand. You stared at Zach and he suddenly looked at you.

“Just thinking about what happened during Valentine’s Day.” Zach answered and he flashed you a sad smile. You corrugated your forehead as he said that he didn’t have any date that night and he was going out with his friends, but it came out that he was with her, at least, that was what you expected that happened. “Don’t look at me like that, because I know what you’re thinking!” He playfully ruffled your hair and he gave you some loud laughs.

“Why? What am I thinking about?” You asked as you pretended to be innocent, obviously didn’t want to be caught.

“I was with my friends that night, stop being jealous.” He joked and he just laughed even harder when he received a loud slap on his arm, it didn’t have any effects on him as he was strong and muscular.

“I never thought that you weren’t with them!” You rolled your eyes as you lied through your teeth. Zach shook his head happily and you noticed how enthusiastic he was when you acted jealous around him.

“Yeah, right!” He rolled his eyes and he watched Hannah reading a book from afar. You watched her too and, although you could barely see her, you still had the chance to admire her features: long brown wavy hair, pink rosy cheeks and red full lips. She was beautiful and you couldn’t deny that it wasn’t impossible to like her, nevertheless her bad reputation at school. “Her date was Marcus.”

“They hang out together?” You curiously asked. Marcus had a really different behaviour compared to Hannah and it was strange for them to go on a date together.

“The Dollar Valentine of the cheerleaders.” He shortly answered as he finally closed his textbook too. You remembered how your previous Valentine’s Days went in the past few years and you were thankful that you decided to stay with your parents this year. “Marcus was an asshole though.”

“I have always said it.” You proudly stated as you flashed him a convinced wide smile. Zach nodded his head as he was agreeing to what you have just said. “Then what happened?”

“Well, he thought that Hannah was an easy one, just like what those school walls heard from some students about her.” Zach looked at you and he caught your eyes, but quickly looked away. “Long story short: Marcus wanted to have sex with her and, of course, Hannah rejected him.”

“Damn it! Where’s the fucking respect?” You complained and you furrowed your eyebrows as Marcus’ behaviour disgusted you. How can a man do something like that? It wasn’t even a behaviour to consider.

“I know.” Zach shortly answered. “Hannah spent the night crying as I remained with her, trying to make her laugh.”

“And?” You raised your shoulders as you waited for further explanations.
“And nothing, I talked and she listened. Nothing more.” Zach honestly answered and a dead silence was created between the two of you.

You knew Zach perfectly and you’ve always noticed it whenever he would lie about things. It didn’t seem that he was lying, so you believed him, although you still thought that he liked her.

Well, she’s hot. Why don’t you try to date her?” You suddenly blurted out as you were trying to find some interesting topics to talk about. You hated the silence when it came to Zach, you find it annoying when you couldn’t find any topic to discuss about.

“What?” Zach slightly shouted and you could say that he was shocked too. He didn’t expect you to say those things. You couldn’t understand why you chose that topic out of all the possible topics in the world, it was embarrassing and you somehow hinted him that you didn’t find him interesting nor you weren’t interested in him.

“Well,” You knew that you couldn’t take everything back anymore. You were afraid of what he might say about it, but you needed to go with the flow. “she’s beautiful. Isn’t she?”

“She is,” Zach honestly answered and you harshly felt a dart hitting perfectly the bullseye of your heart. “but it doesn’t mean that I want to date her.” He emphasized his words, trying to make you understand his point.

“Why not, Dempsey?” You pushed yourself to the limit and you still continued on teasing Zach, even though you knew that it wouldn’t be a good thing for you.

“Because it’s a no, (Y/N)!” Zach ruffled your hair once again and you just laughed as you noticed that he was starting to be annoyed. He’s never liked it whenever you would take care of his relationships, neither when you talk about your celebrity crushes or your admiration for some people.

“Tell me why!” You insisted and you kept on laughing as Zach gave you a death glare.

You held your stomach as you cried for your happiness. Annoyed Zach was the best Zach and you just loved it. Your laughter, though, was interrupted when Zach wrapped his arms around your neck and pulled you backwards, making you lean your body on his chest.

“What the he-“ You were about to complain for his unexpected actions, but then he suddenly pressed his lips on yours to shut you up. You were obviously shocked, because why would he do such thing?

Your eyes grew wide as the happening still had to sink in your mind, but as soon as Zach moved his lips to deepen the kiss, you flutter shut your eyes and enjoyed the movements of your lips as they locked and fitted perfectly. You started to play with his hair and he caressed your face, slowly drawing some circles on your burning cheeks.

“That’s why, (Y/N)! I’d like to date you, instead of her, because I love you!” Zach whispered in your ear, confessing his feelings as you broke the kiss in need of air. He let your head rest on his chest and you flashed him a wide smile. “Is that clear now?”

“More than clear, Dempsey!” You laughed and you rolled your eyes as you lingered the smell of his perfume on his neck. You loved his scent and you couldn’t deny that he attracted you even more.

“So?” He raised an eyebrow as he held your hand tightly, interlacing his fingers with yours. “Can I try to date you, instead?”

“Try?” You jokingly questioned him. “I thought we are already dating?”

“Well, your thoughts are never wrong.” He winked at you and you both let out some soft giggles, being happy and thankful of the fast, but great moment that happened just a few minutes ago.

Being happy is underestimated, it is stereotypical, but Zach? Zach had that capacity to take you to another world, to make you discover new emotions to feel whenever you were with him. You were beyond happy for sure, because it was you who he wanted to be with and not anyone else. He chose you and, like what he has said, he loved you.


“It’s Been a Long Time” Sentence Starters

Muse A and Muse B haven’t seen each other in years.  Put one of these sentences in my ask to have your muse react to seeing my muse again after such a long time.

  • “It’s been awhile.”
  • “I can explain.”
  • “You’re supposed to be dead.”
  • “How did you get here?”
  • “Please don’t leave me again.”
  • “I need you to tell me the truth about where you’ve been.”
  • “I never thought I’d see you again.”
  • “I’m so glad I’ve finally found you!”
  • “Whatever rock you crawled out from under, you should crawl back.  Now!”
  • “Well, look what the cat dragged in!”
  • “I never thought I’d be so happy to see you.”
  • “Do you remember me at all?”
  • “Why didn’t you let me know you were okay?”
  • “Well, fancy seeing you again!”
  • “I never stopped looking for you.”
  • “What are you doing here?”
  • “I know you said you never wanted to see me again, but - ”
  • “Please don’t pretend like you don’t know me!’
  • “How dare you show your face around here!”
  • “What are you doing in a place like this?”
  • “You haven’t changed one bit.”
  • “Why did you just walk away like that?”
  • “Did you even stop to think about what your disappearance would do to me?”
  • “I know, I know - I’m supposed to be dead.”
  • “It’s a long story.”
  • “I-I’m sorry I left without saying anything.”
  • “I’m sorry I never contacted you.”
  • “Do - I know you?”
  • “Please don’t ask where I’ve been.”
  • “Miss me?”
  • “Please don’t let this be a dream.”
  • “How long have you been here?”
  • “Did you ever even try to look for me?”
  • “You said you’d never come back here!”
  • “Thank god I finally found you!”