i never seen top laugh so hard

Family Trip

20m, last year my Father had to visit Spain where another company wanted to merge with his. Having been on the rocks with my Mother at the time he thought it would be best to bring her and myself with him. Thinking this would bring the spark back into their lives he booked a five-star hotel for the month. My Mother and I were more than excited having never been there or Europe in general. We did not know what to expect at all. The moment I found out about this I began looking up things to do while there. Making a list at the very top was to hit some beaches since it was the middle of summer there. My Mother had the same idea packing a carry on bag of just bikinis and towels. When we got there it was everything you seen in movies plus so much more. The first two weeks my Father would be meeting his potential partners during the days working with their company to see how they function and stuff. So it was just my Mother and I, which was much better than their bickering all the time when he was around. Our first day we decided to find a beach so she had me look up the closest one. Telling me she can’t wait any longer to get in the water she didn’t care how nice the beach was only that it was the closest. I found a highly rated one on google and we called a taxi and went straight there. It was mid day on a Monday so there won’t be a lot of people there the driver told us. She was even more excited about this since crowded beaches aren’t relaxing. When the driver dropped us off my Mom had me pay him as she ran off to the beach. When I caught up to her standing at the edge I soon realized what she had moments before. Unlike the U.S. this was Spain and it was very very normal that this was a Nudist beach. My Mom’s face was red and not from the sun and I too started to blush as mature men and women walked around with their privates freely flopping in the wind. She smiled awkwardly at me and I shrugged telling her I had no idea this was even a real thing. She said we should just go out there in our bathing suits and act as if its a normal beach ignoring the other people since there really wasn’t anyone there. I accepted and we found a nice spot pretty much secluded to ourselves. My Mom didn’t waist any time running to the water and diving in as I laid out looking at all of the old women in the distance. I had never seen mature women completely nude in person so seeing their unfit bodies was new to me and surprisingly a turn on. I think that was because it was so new and raw that my body couldn’t say no. Once my Mom got back from the water she laid down beside me to get some sun telling me how nice the water is. I could care less about the water at this point trying to make my half hard dick unnoticeable to her. A few minutes passed and I saw two older men walking our direction. The one was fat with his stomach completely overshadowing his dick and the other very average. They came straight over to us and began talking to us. Unable to understand Spanish my Mom told them and they repeated themselves in English for us. The average guy said, “this is a nudist beach and you must know it is very disrespectful to the rest of us that you wear your bathing suits.” Standing there with very aggressive looks they made it a point that we must either strip or leave. My Mom looked at me with a disappointed look as she tried to reason with me on why we could stay. Telling me she didn’t mind if I didn’t I then agreed. She said to the men that was fine we will strip so they can go back to enjoying themselves. They then shot me some mean looks before going away. Mom then smiled at me and said, “I guess it is no big deal seeing your mother naked”, as she untied her top straps. Watching her ample tits bounce out of the top was more than amazing having always wondered what they looked like. Stunned I never imagined they would be so amazing though. She has a thin waist from working out a lot and around 5'7" with 32DD. She then continued to take off her bottom and looked to see if I was doing them same. I froze since my dick was now hard as fuck and I feared what she would say. She seemed to notice my embarrassment and told me she will go to the water now so I could undress in private at least. Watching her walk away as her ass switched from side to side did nothing to help my problem. So I just pulled them off so those two guys wouldn’t come back. I tried to find a comfortable way to hide my dick, but nothing worked as it struck a flag pole pose. I bet if my Mom looked at it from the water she could have (not saying I am huge) it was just that obvious. A palm in the desert. Soon after she  started to come back and I decided to roll over on my stomach. I could feel her walking up from behind me and her voice call to me, “cute bald ass hun”. I couldn’t help but laugh since she was probably used to the site of my father’s hairy body. We hung out for a while like this and no matter how much time passed my dick wouldn’t go down. Buried in the sand beneath me I could feel it twitch at the sight of every naked woman passing. My mom must have figured something was up as she watched my back change from pale to crab red. Telling me she was going to take a nap she also turned over onto her stomach looking the other direction. I took advantage of this moment and rolled over feeling the sand stuck to my chest and stomach. I decided to head to the water thinking it might be best to cool down my manhood. As I walked up to the water it was super cold on my feet so I took my time getting in. This was long enough for a couple of mature women to approach me asking if I was alone. Watching as their eyes flashed from my dick to my face I knew they were after a young eager guy like me. Feeling flattered they were so flirtatious I played along to see what would happen. They were both easily in their 50’s with bodies to match. Tear drop breasts and average aged bodies I never thought I would find them attractive until now. Must be a mixture of curiosity and hormones. This did nothing to help with my manhood problem as they continued to flirt and one even gestured her hands while talking, which slightly grazed the tip. They continued to do this while asking me all about men in the States. The one even went as far as grabbing the shaft one good time giving it a slow stroke while asking if we like experienced women. I allowed this since it needed some attention anyways. We talked for a couple more minutes as they now tried to get me to come lay with them. Very tempted we were interrupted by another as my Mom come walking right up next to me. Surprise by her presence I nearly forgot I was with her. She shot dirty looks to the women who were much older than her as she took me by the hand asking me what they were talking about. I just told her they were wondering where I was from as she looked back at me knowing full well I was full of shit. She then asked if I would come back and put lotion on her back as the older women got the hint walking back to their spot. I followed my Mom to our spot where she handed me the bottle of cream. She smiled and said, “wow I never imagined my own Son would be a target for such mature women.” I told her it was nothing to worry about as I caught her eyes locked on my hard dick. Looking up she blushed and told me she could see why they were so interested. This was like gas to the fire as my dick twitched having never heard something so provocative. Hearing my own Mother say that drove me so wild I felt my dick swelling more as she glanced at it several more times. I almost busted at the thought of this all. She then laughed and said, “maybe you don’t need the cream, seems like you have enough of your own.” I then glanced down at what she was looking at to see a stream of precum pouring from my dick. Looking up at her my eyes drifted up her thick legs to her stubbly pussy then around her round tits and juicy lips. By the time I got to her eyes I could feel my dick throbbing again and more precum was surely leaking out. She saw my lust growing and then asked, “can we act as if we are not Mother and Son for just today?” I nodded my head slowly unable to speak as she crawled closer reaching out for my dick while keeping eye contact. Feeling her hand grab it drove me insane as she bent down putting it straight into her mouth. I collapsed as she took my length. Swallowing my dick like I have never had it sucked before she was so passionate. I couldn’t believe what was happening as she cupped my balls with her hand and swirled her tongue around my tip. She told me that it has been nearly a year since she has done this with my father and much longer since she had sex. The sound of that word was like lightning through my body. She crawled on top of me and lined my dick up with her pussy. I could feel it dripping wet as she slipped my tip past her lips. My heart slammed as I zoned out on her. She slowly slid it in sitting down on it as I could feel inside of her. It was amazing how tight she was and no surprise since she works out so much and hasn’t been taken by a man in such a long time. I am not going to lie all of the energy passing through me was so overwhelming that I couldn’t last more than a minute before I had to come. She pulled me out and stroked me as I came all over my stomach and her hand. I never came so much and she never seen so much come as she told me this laughing with excitement. Squeezing the last few drops out she complimented me on how hard it still was. I then asked her is she still wanted to continue and oh did she! Climbing on top of me without another word she started riding me again this time much harder. The cum was now spilling off of my sides as she bounced around. She even laid down on top of me rubbing her huge tits all over my chest covering herself in my cum. When she rose back up I could see strings of my sticky cum band from our bodies as she rubbed it into her tits. She was wild and going crazy as she then slid her fingers into her mouth tasting me. I could feel her pussy tighten when she did this as she began to come on my dick. Grinding harder now she moaned with her finders in her mouth while her other hand slid across my stomach only to scoop up more cum to taste. Feeling her pussy surging she came and I couldn’t help but cum with her. Trying to warn her it was far too late I unloaded inside of her. I am not sure if she knew so I kept my mouth shut scared she might flip. When she finished she looked down at me with a bright eyed smile and said, “come let go get clean in the water”. I followed her down to the water where she and I washed the cum from out bodies. I was so happy to see how cool she was about what just happened. We left the beach soon after and spent the rest of the night with my Father. Every day after while my Father was working we went back to the beach and continued our fun as a couple. In the end my Mom convinced my Dad this trip saved their marriage so he made the deal and we now spend half the year in Spain.

anonymous asked:

Hey I was wondering if you could do a prompt where Harry comes back for eighth year with a man bun and a lip ring and Draco just dies on the spot, like practically drooling... Sorry this is blunt but you are the best writer ever and I love this idea of Harry not wanting to be 'the golden boy'

Omfg yes I fucking love this prompt. And thank you so much that’s so nice I love you 💙 Also when I read this prompt I immediately thought of this artwork by @sadfishkid

I got soooo carried away with this before Draco even showed up 😂 I had fun with the tattoo thing…it was cool trying to think of what Harry would get for each person, but I decided to leave all those out to prevent this from being even longer lmao

My Writing

Harry was sick of being the Golden Boy. He couldn’t stand everyone treating him like he was something special. Someone who could do no wrong. He just wanted to be Harry. That’s why he decided to change his image. If he didn’t look so damn innocent, maybe people would stop treating him like he was.

Harry grew his hair out, much to Mrs. Weasley’s dismay. It got long enough that he was able to put it up in a bun, and he found that he actually really liked how it looked. But that wasn’t enough. He needed something else. Something that would be the icing on the new badass Harry cake. He was strolling through muggle-London one day when he found exactly what he needed. He walked into a tattoo & piercing shop. He pointed to the lip ring that he saw through the shop window and said he wanted it. They immediately pierced his lip for him.

“Anything else?” The worker asked him.

Harry thought for a moment.

“Yes, I’d also like a few tattoos, please.” 

Harry thought about waiting until he could get these done at a wizard tattoo shop, but decided that he wanted the muggle ones. He wanted them to always be there, permanent, never changing. Harry was sure wizard tattoos could be removed. And even if they couldn’t, he didn’t want something that would change and move.

“Sure. What would you like?”

Harry ended up getting more than just a few. He knew he wanted one for everyone in his life that was very important to him. He started off with a star for Sirius, antlers for James, and a moon for Remus. These were all pretty small and he got them all on his right forearm. He then went through all the others that deserved a tattoo: Ron, Hermione, Neville, Luna, Molly, Arthur, Fred and George, Ginny, Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fleur, Hagrid, Cedric, Colin Creevey, Moody, Tonks, Dobby, Hedwig, Dumbledore, and his godson Teddy. All of these were all relatively small tattoos, all of them covering his arms. Each one was some sort of object to represent every name.

There were 3 people, however, that he saved for last. He wanted these tattoos to be bigger than the rest. Because without these three people, there was no way he would be alive. Harry knew that he probably wouldn’t have lived without mostly everyone on his list, but these three people literally saved his life. 

So he got a large lily flower on his right pectoral muscle, a large narcissus flower on the left, and on the back of his shoulder he got a dragon.

Lily, Narcissa, and Draco.

Harry never showed those three tattoos to anyone. They were special to him. Plus, he knew Ron would flip if he knew he got a tattoo in honor of Draco Malfoy. And no one even knew about what Narcissa had done for him. He always kept that story to himself.

Harry was pleased with the reactions he received at his new look when he arrived back at Hogwarts for his 8th year. Every compartment he walked by on the Hogwarts Express had kids staring at him. Harry couldn’t suppress his smirk.

Ron and Hermione were on Prefect duty or something. Or maybe they just didn’t want to be around Harry, he got that vibe from them pretty often these days. Harry didn’t really mind, though. He liked being alone now. He sat in the quiet compartment and looked out the window.

Harry was pulled from his thoughts, however, when he heard the door open.

He turned and saw Draco Malfoy standing there. 

“Holy shit,” Draco muttered quietly to himself, thinking Harry couldn’t hear.

Draco stared at Harry with his mouth open, speechless, for a moment before he licked his lips at the sight, and then finally said something.

“I, um, I’m sorry. I was just- well I’m not sure if you know, but my um…friends,” he put quotes around the word. “They aren’t returning. And well…not many people want to sit with, well, you know…the death eater. And so I was, um, still looking for somewhere to sit. I-I saw this compartment was only occupied by one person, and well, it’s you. But I don’t mind! I mean, that is, if, um…you don’t. So, um…would it be okay if I sat here, Potter?”

Harry smiled at him.

“Your company would be greatly appreciated, Draco,” Harry told him and then moved his things off the seats so Draco could sit.

“Thanks,” Draco mumbled.

“I thought you were a prefect, though?”

Draco snorted.

“Yeah right, Potter. You really think people trust ex-death eater Draco Malfoy to have authority over their children.”

Harry shrugged.

“I would trust you.”

Draco just looked at Harry, bemused.

The train ride was nice. They talked about all sorts of things. It wasn’t until a few hours in, though, when Draco finally asked Harry about his new appearance.

“So…I see you’ve changed a bit.”

Harry laughed.

“Yeah, you could say that. What do you think?” He raised an eyebrow at him and smirked. He already knew the answer,

“Y-You look really good- I mean, um, it suits you. Somehow your hair is less of a mess when it’s long,” Draco quickly tried to correct himself.

Harry smiled at him.

“I really like the piercing.” Draco blushed. “Did it hurt?”

“A little, but it was tolerable.”

Draco nodded. 

“And the tattoos?”

“Same thing. Although I may be a bit biased.” Harry laughed. “Most physical pain doesn’t really seem like much after…well, you know.”

“I really like that one,” Draco said and pointed to the phoenix on Harry’s right bicep.

“Thanks. I like that one too. I got it in honor of Dumbledore.” 

“Oh! Do they all…?”

“Represent someone? Yeah.”

Draco moved so he was now sitting next to Harry, rather than across.

“Who’s this one for? It’s quite nice.”

Harry smiled at Draco.

“Sirius Black. He was my godfather.”

“I know,” Draco said quietly, more to himself than Harry. “And this one?” Draco ran his thumb over a tattoo of a sock, smiling down at it in amusement. Harry felt a chill go up his spine at Draco’s touch.

Harry grinned this time.


Draco nodded.

They went through all of Harry’s visible tattoos. Draco looked a little disappointed when there weren’t anymore left. 

“Are you sure that’s all of them?”

Harry chuckled.

“Yes, Draco. As much as I’m sure you’d love to have a look at my arse, I haven’t got any tattoos down there.”

Draco’s pale skin turned bright red.

“I didn’t- I wasn’t- I dont- I only meant-” Draco sputtered for a response.

Harry burst out laughing. He was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so happy.

“I know, Draco. I was only teasing,” Harry said and lightly patted the top of Draco’s head.

Draco glared at Harry for a moment, but he couldn’t hold it, and a bright smile broke out on his face instead. Harry had never seen anything like it. Anything so…perfect, radiant. It was at that moment that Harry considered letting Draco see his three hidden tattoos, but decided against it, as they were going to arrive at Hogwarts very soon. If he really wanted to show him, there would be plenty more opportunities, because Harry had a feeling that he and Draco would find themselves in each other’s company a lot more this year.

Part Two

I just went to see Captain Underpants again because my dad wanted to go but he didn’t want to go alone. And like, I kid you not my dad was laughing so much more, and so much harder than any of the kids in that cinema. And when the end credits came up, he sang along with the theme song. On top of this, for the past few weeks, he’s just randomly been saying “tra la la”. 

Keep in my mind my dad is not the kind of person to do this. Ever. It’s normal for me to take him to see animated movies and for him to enjoy them or whatever, but never in all my life have I seen my dad laugh so hard and have so much fun watching a kid’s movie before. 

I told my friends this and they thought it was extremely cringy but honestly, I’m just so happy to see my dad smile.

Shape of You (5)

Guys. I’ve seen so much hate against ACOWAR that it’s killing me. I know at the end of the day I will love this story but still. I hope everyone enjoys it too.

I’ve got a lot planned for this story and I hope you’re ready for the ride!

one two three four

Chapter 5

The sun was shining through the window which meant it was a new day. So I tried to stop thinking about Tomas and the terrible dinner we had experienced last night. Cassian had stayed beside me and somehow that had helped. Like he knew I needed someone to lean on but I wasn’t going to ask for the support.

When I woke up I found the room empty. It took me a moment to remember someone was supposed to be asleep on my floor. As I laid there I heard laughter come in through the window. I looked at the clock, it was almost eleven. Everyone was already outside and I had slept late. Cassian was out there too, his tan skin glistening in the sun. I smiled slightly when I saw him push his fingers through his long hair. I noticed the way my sisters watched him.

They couldn’t decide if they liked him or not.

Standing there watching them all I realized I had been selfish last night. I made it about me instead of being happy that my baby sister had finally married the man who loved her more than life itself. He had saved her from Tamlin, he had saved her from the life she thought she would always live since our father left us with nothing. That mattered more than anything else.

I didn’t have to be there for the wedding, because I had been their for the entire love story. I needed to apologize.

Something I wasn’t very good at.

I grabbed a bathing suit and then changed quickly. I pulled on a shirt and then brushed my teeth. I fixed my hair and once I was somewhat put together I headed down to meet everyone. I thought over the apology in my head. I said the phrase over and over again.

I’m sorry Feyre. I was selfish. I’m happy for you.

Keep reading

ladycumhangabhainn  asked:

Could we get another chapter of Fergus through the stones? I'm a huge fan of any fic with our wee Fergus!

The Tagalong - Part Nine

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight

Fergus hesitated to get out of the car. He had stayed over at the manse at least half a dozen times but then it had always just been the two of them, Roger and himself. They had slept in Roger’s bedroom flipping a coin to see who would take the bed and who got the cot on the floor.

This time there would be several other boys from school and Fergus wasn’t quite sure what to make of the prospect.

“He said we’d be camping,” Fergus explained to Claire as she eased the new car through the streets towards the manse.

Brianna gurgled in the strange basket on the seat beside Fergus. It was mostly stuffed with blankets and pillows to keep Brianna well cushioned when they went around corners. Fergus liked to drape his arm over the top to keep it in place as well and he knew Mother Claire relaxed when she looked into the mirror and saw him watching protectively over his little sister. Brianna found it great fun too pulling one of the blankets over her face and then laughing when Fergus pulled it off again. Her gummy grin brought a smile of pride to his face and he reached into the basket to tickle her cheek, setting off a riot of giggles.

“Is there something wrong with camping?” Claire asked when they stopped to let a trio of pedestrians cross.

“Camping is for armies or if you are traveling and cannot find a place to stay,” Fergus complained. “It is not something to be done when a proper bed is near. Why would anyone enjoy to sleep in the cold and the dirt and the mud?”

Claire was glad Fergus couldn’t see the full extent of her amusement from his seat in the back.

“Making camp is one of the things that’s different in this time––for the most part,” she tried to explain. “For one thing, most of the children have only had beds to sleep in. Even during the war, special care was taken to get the children to safe places. The beds may have been crowded and the rooms dar, but they were usually safe and warm too.”

“So they find the dirt and such interesting because it is different?” Fergus sounded less disbelieving and more fascinated. “Like when Bree wishes to play with the red ball instead of the blue even though they are the same.”

As though to underscore her agreement, Brianna screeched and pulled hard on Fergus’ arm, demanding his attention. He gave her his hand and she promptly pulled his fingers to her mouth so she could gnaw on his knuckles.

“Yes,” Claire concurred, turning her head to check the way was clear before easing through the intersection. “It’s a novelty. And they do some fun games and things too. Probably tell ghost stories and use a telescope to look at the stars.”

“Is this why I must bring something to give to Roger? To say my thanks for being asked and so we will have the games to play?”

“The present is for Roger’s birthday. It’s how they’re celebrated in this time. Friends and family have a party and the birthday person receives gifts.”

Fergus sighed and pulled his finger from Brianna’s mouth looking carefully at the skin to see if her new teeth had finally broken through and left a mark. They hadn’t so he wiped the drool from her chin as she blew bubbles. He gave her one of the strange toys to chew on. They were hard like wood at the core but had an odd and colorful coating on top of that, some material that didn’t chip or splinter and was soft enough not to hurt Bree when she bit down hard.

It was unlike anything he’d seen for children before but then there were many things about this time that were like that; sometimes it was more overwhelming than others and this was one of those times.

“How did you manage, Mother Claire?” he asked. “You lived for years in a time not belonging to you. I never would have known did I not follow you here. How is it you found your way so easy?”

She laughed. “It wasn’t easy and I did have help with most of it,” she remarked.

“Milord,” Fergus nodded looking down at Brianna. It was incredible how much the chubby-cheeked babe looked like her father. His eyes shone from her face and his hair gleamed on her crown… but her laugh was all her own.

Claire’s voice was somber as she responded, “Yes. I had Jamie. I didn’t tell him right away but he did know fairly early… And where I went backwards there’s the advantage of having some idea of what you’re going to find,” she added, moving on to the less painful side of the matter. “Even if you don’t study it specifically or know a lot you can’t help absorbing something of the past simply by living. It’s the future that leaves you blind… even then… trying to change things… I still don’t know if what we did had any impact one way or another…”

Fergus reached forward and rested a hand on her shoulder, snapping her from her reverie.

“You and Milord impacted me,” he assured her quietly. “And Bree. We would not be here.”

Claire smiled at Fergus in the rearview mirror and blinked back her tears before pulling to a stop and parking the car.

“Are you ready for Roger’s birthday party?”

Fergus stared out the window at the manse. There were two or three of the boys from his class saying goodbye to their parents, eager to move on to the fun and games ahead.

“Are all birthday parties like this?” he asked, his face scrunched with anticipatory disgust.

“Many are… but they don’t have to be. You can have whatever kind of birthday party you…” She stopped herself and looked carefully at Fergus. “Oh, darling…” she murmured.

“If this is what birthday parties are, I’m not sure I mind not having one,” he declared, quietly resolute.

“You don’t know when your birthday is,” Claire stated.

“Madame Elise sometimes said it was spring and that my disposition was sunny for that, but when I displeased her she would say it was my winter coming out.”

“March,” Claire said with some certainty, enough to draw Fergus’ attention to her. A smile crept across her face. “They say that March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb.”

A light lit Fergus’ face. “It was in March that Milord found me and brought me home to you.”

“Do you remember which day?”

Fergus puzzled for a moment before shrugging.

“Near to Easter, I think, but I cannot be sure was it the 23rd or the 24th.”

“Well, pick one and we’ll make that your birthday––the day you became a Fraser. We’ve overshot March by a few weeks now, but we’ll find a way to celebrate it; just the three of us if that’s all you want.”

Fergus grinned. “I will think which day I like. But now I must do the camping.” He stuck his head between the headrests to kiss Claire’s cheek.

“Wish me luck,” he said with resignation that made Claire laugh as the car door closed behind him and she watched him head for the door with Roger’s gift tucked under his arm.

When Claire returned the next morning to retrieve Fergus, she found him in much better spirits if a little tired.

“Have you had a change of heart about camping?” she asked with an amused smile.

“No, I still prefer a bed that is inside but I most definitely want to have a birthday party. The games were enjoyable––I was the most skilled at the game of picking up sticks and I showed everyone games for playing cards and won most of their sweets but when the Reverend and Mrs. Graham discovered this they made us stop and I had to return the candy,” Fergus rattled on as Claire negotiated the drive home. “I have decided I want my birthday to be the 24th and I want a present like the one Rabbie gave to Roger––they are shoes with wheels on the bottoms.”

“I take it you want some of the boys from school to come,” Claire guessed with a chuckle.

Oui, I have already invited them.”


This video puts Louis XVI into the list of Top 10 Infamous Historical Executions, but the woman pronounces his name by saying ‘Louis XIV’ and I have never banged my head so hard on the table before. Everyone in the comments is like going crazy right now, just because of that mispronunciation of his name. These were the best comments I have seen in this video regarding it:

“You don’t execute Louis 14, Louis 14 executes you!”

“Louis XIV would’ve killed the revolutionaries before they even rebelled”

“How do you confuse the builder of Versailles and the lion of Europe with Louis XVI?”

“One had a limp penis, the other built Versailles and was the most powerful ruler in all of Europe.”

“The Roi Soliel was famous for many things, including court dances which evolved into formal ballet, but not for being married to Marie Antoinette or being executed.“


You're Alright You. Part Twenty-Two.

• What if … on the day of her release from the mental hospital Rae doesn’t see Chloe and the gang on the bikes…


• Part One • Part Two • Part Three • Part Four • Part Five • Part Six• Part Seven • Part Eight • Part Nine • Part Ten • Part Eleven• Part Twelve • Part Thirteen • Part Fourteen • Part Fifteen • Part Sixteen • Part Seventeen • Part Eighteen • Part Nineteen • Part Twenty • Part Twenty-One


Part Twenty Two

“Now?” Is he serious?


“At my Mum’s wedding?” She is going to kill me, or him. Hell maybe all of us.

“I warned him Rae” Archie looked angry. I don’t think I had ever seen him like this.

If he wasn’t gay and I didn’t have a delicious adonis of a boyfriend I would probably want to snog his face off right now. Yep.

“Where did you get this?” I looked around as people were slowly moving away from our table. Didn’t blame them.

It was a bloody Sunday.

Nothing was open.

It smelt like he had found it on the side of the road or something.

“I got it yesterday”


“Why does it smell so fucking bad?” Finn gagged. Oh god.

Please don’t chunder. Please.

I will not be able to look at his mouth let alone kiss it if I see him throw up. At least for a little while. Big fat lie there.

“The guy at the market sold it to me cheap, it may be off, technically” He shrugged his shoulders.

Technically?” It either was or it wasn’t. Right?

“Well, I wasn’t going to pay for a fresh one, those fuckers are expensive this big, plus this is the fourth one I had to buy”

“Fourth?” Is he mental?

“Well I had to have one ready” Okay.



“That’s not normal” I told him.

“I warned him, I told you

“I didn’t think you were bloody serious!”

“Well I was”

“Its horrible” Finn turned away further while pinching his nose.

“I’ll do it if you don’t want too Rae”

Jesus” Chop came over with a tray of pints “Put your legs together Rae, Fuck me

“Fuck off!” I shouted. Cheeky son of a bitch.

Chop” Finn shook his head but he was still bloody laughing at the idiot. Not funny.

“Oi, don’t laugh” I shoved him “You won’t be the only one to…” I nodded at the fish.

Finn’s eyes widened and he made a motion with his finger. My lips are sealed.

“Yeah, I thought so” I told him with a glare.

Not that I would really of hit him with the fish.

I mean I actually wanted to be able to kiss and cuddle him tonight.

Rae” Izzy ran over to our table “Oh my god” she quickly covered her mouth before mumbling “I’m think I’m gunna be sick too” and ran back to the loo. Jesus.

“I should probably go and check on them two” I said, without moving. I didn’t wanna miss what was going to happen.

“If you must” Archie folded his arms over his chest while starring at Chop.

I had a feeling this was not going to end well. For anyone one involved.

“Whats with the fish?” Chop asked and then you could see the exact moment he realised. “Oh shit” and then he was gone.

I don’t think I had ever seen him move that fast before.

I was kind of impressed.

“No way” Archie shouted and began to chase after him, but not without picking up the fish first. God it really did stink. Vom.

“We should…” I pointed after them.

“Yep” Finn and me got up and followed the duo.

“Rae, What the bloody hell is going on?” Mum shouted from across the dance floor “What is that stench?”

“Can’t talk now” I shouted back. I had to see what was going to happen next.


Once we got outside Chop and Archie where on opposite sides of the tables on the green.

“I told yah” Archie shouted while waving the fish.

How was it not bothering him?

Maybe he has lost his sense of smell from having them in his house for so long? God his poor parents!

“Calm down, it was just a kiss!” Chop was waving his arms around in the air “No big deal”

“All of the bloody time” Archie stepped to the right, so Chop stepped to the left.

“Finn” I whispered without taking my eyes off the two idiots who where now going around and around one of the benches.


“We can’t be like Chop and Izzy, I won’t be able to kiss yah for a month if you smell like that fish”

“Agreed” he laughed “But I make no promises”

“Put the fish down Archie boy”


“When this is over, we’re not sitting near either of them two” Finn added.

“Agreed” I nodded my head. Bloody hell.

“We’ll stop!” Chop shouted “No more kissing in front of you!”

“It’s too late for that” and then Archie did something that was either the stupidest or funniest things I had ever seen.

Oh hell, it was fucking both.

He climbed on top of one of the benches and held the fish in both hands before, literally, dive bombing on top of Chop.

Knocking into him and then crashing them both to the ground.

It all seemed to go into slow motion.

One minute the two where starring at each other and then, bam they collided.

A loud squelch sound followed by a pop happened. Was that the fish?

“Oh shi..” Archie didn’t get to finish what he was saying because Chop projectile vomited all over him. I had never seen anything like that happen in real life before. And I never, ever wanted to again. 

“This is the best thing I have ever seen!” Finn was laughing so hard he was bending over and slapping his legs.

“Oh my god” I covered my mouth.

I could smell the fish, now smashed between the two twat’s laid on the grass.

How doe’s that now smell worse?

Chop was still being sick, I had to turn away.

“That is worse than before” I gaged a little as I spoke.

“This is amazing” Finn laughed.

“Rae” I felt his hands on me “Look

I chance a quick look and had to turn away again.

“We need new friends” I grumbled.


Mum was pissed.

She made Chop and Archie strip down to their under pants and had the barman hose them off before they could come back inside of the party.

At least they didn’t smell anymore.

Chloe and Izzy had returned from the bathroom and were now sipping on glasses of ice water. As were Chop and Archie.

Me and Finn where the only ones out of the gang who had not emptied our guts tonight. I was a little proud of that.

“You lot, stay put or your out” Mum pointed at each of us “No more funny business” and then she was off.

I don’t know why she was pointing at me, I hadn’t done fuck all wrong!

“This is bullshit” Chop complained “I’m cold”

“Well you should of thought of that before, shouldn’t you” Archie snarkliy replied.

“Alright you two” I said “this isn’t getting us anywhere is it?”

Neither replied and refused to look at each other.

“Stop being twats” Finn grumbled.

“This needs to be over” I told them.

Yeahwell..” Chop stuttered.

“Nope” I butted in “This is what is going to happen” I looked at each one of my friends “There is going to be no more making out”

Rae!” Finn shook his head.

“Okay, No more excessive making out, when in public, when we’re all together”

When nobody said anything I got louder “OK?”

Everyone but Chop and Archie agreed. Really?

“I ain’t agreeing to fuck all until he agrees to not pull shit like this again”

“I did warn yah” Archie grumbled.

“Okay, no more excessive making out and no more purchasing fish, or meat for that matter and using them as a weapon. Alright?”

“Fine” Archie grumbled “But when I’m in a relationship I can make out as much as I want” It didn’t escaped my attention that he had said relationship and not boyfriend. He still hadn’t told Izzy or Chop.

“No way” Chop went to stand up but thought better when he saw my face.

“How about” I took charge again, honestly “Archie can make out for however long he wants wherever he wants for two weeks, then?”

“And I get to say when the two weeks start” Archie added.

Chop huffed before nodding his head in agreement.


“Fine” he almost whispered.

“Good, now thats settled” I sat back down and leant my head on Finn’s shoulder “Archie?”


“Next round is on you” I told him.

“Oh for fuck sake”


HiddleSwift OneShot: We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

I woke up to a bunch of text messages and phone calls. I decided to call Tree, my publicist, first to see what was going on. Before I could get her to pick up I already knew it probably had something to do with Adam.
“Hey what’s going on?”
“Your ex has decided to break some rules.”
And that’s how the at first calm morning started. Apparently Adam was getting sick of having to keep quiet about me and thought a few mean tweets attacking my line of work and of course my new boyfriend wouldn’t hurt. And if that wasn’t enough he decided to blow my cover after I was doing him a favor helping out with his song. Nonetheless I listened quietly, contently. Normally this kind of thing would light a fire inside my heart. I had always fancied myself the type of girl who did not mind and had honestly mastered the art of revenge. But this time I just wanted to move on. Maybe if I was single in the mist of all this things would be different.
Just to be sure, after our phone call ended I logged onto my Twitter for the first time in weeks. I looked up Adams account, he wasn’t blocking me… Yet. I guess that was a plus. Sure enough all the tweets were there and they were all true. Logging on was a mistake. I had people throwing all kinds of things about me. Most popularly I was a snake. I took a deep breath. In this moment I could not help but feel helpless. Sure I could easily play the game back and probably end his career which compared to mine was inferior. But what would that do? Breed more anger? More hatred? I did not love Adam but I definitely didn’t want to hate him either. We ended with what I thought was peace and I took that as a sign that things would be okay. But instead I had apparently just pressed start on a bomb that was bound to blow.
I found myself fighting back a few tears. For the world, I looked strong, I acted as though this whole ordeal did not bother me but in all honesty it did. And I adored Tom and appreciated his company but that does not mean I still feel a great deal of hurt and guilt for what I did to Adam.
I have learned life is all about a balance. You can have a great life and still be lonely at the end of the day. Just like how you can have the world falling apart around you and still manage to smile at the stars. That’s the thing about life, it’s not all black and white, it’s a lot of shades of grey.
  I remember I use to think I had no right to ever be upset because my life was a dream and I would mentally punish myself for feeling sad. But now I know it’s okay to be sad despite all the wonderful perks that come with being Taylor Swift.
Tom came back to the pent house early that day. He said something about not being needed on set as he walked into the shower. He had been training like crazy the past few days. I never dared to ask him to take me places. He always came home exhausted from the workout. I did not mind though. Despite how long we were separated each day, he was still the only person I got to take to bed. If falling asleep in his arms every night was the only time I would have with him I was grateful.
He came out of the shower, his hair still glistening with water, and sat next to me on the bed.
“What’s wrong love? You look down.”
“Just a lot of stuff going on,” I could not make eye contact with him but I knew he knew what I meant. “It’s getting ugly.”
“I think we need a tea date.”

A few minutes later we were escorted to a little coffee shop behind our hotel. Thankfully there were no paps today. Most of them vanished after I had not come outside for a few days.
It was 1pm when we arrived. The lunch crowd was gone and warm coffee in the middle of the day was not a favorite. Therefore we had the place mostly to ourselves. I order a vanilla latte, he ordered tea. It was winter at the Golden Coast but living next to the beach and the fact the calendar read July gave the day an unshakable summer vibe.
“So what’s been bothering you darling?” He spoke after helping me into my chair like a true gentleman. He even paid for my drink.
“Adam’s broken a few rules my team laid out for us. He’s making quite a scene on Twitter."  I talked casually stirring my latte. I did not want to make it look as though the topic bothered me too much. There was a coldness to my words. I think Tom heard it.
"I’m sorry.”
“He thinks I’m trying to tear him down or something. If only he knew the quiet was for the best. I mean I know I hurt him but…”
“It’s immature.”
“I think maybe he feels the need to hurt you back.”
“The Katy Perry tweet did kind of sting.”
We laughed casually. I loved how he could make a hurtful conversation into a light one. I found myself fumbling with the stir stick. I gave a heavy sigh, oh how I wanted to forget.
“I think there’s something else you’re not telling me darling.” He said his hands stretched across the table and took my palms into his. I forced myself to look up at him. I felt bad for being the downer on our vacation. I should be motivating and supporting him, not the other way around.
“I helped him write that song you know, his current hit. I did it to be nice, during the time, working on it together was fun.” I started slowly, cautiously. “We agreed to keep it quiet, I signed it using a fake name so no one would know. We did not want the added press. But… But now he’s told everyone and he’s… Well he’s pulling my career into this and I don’t like that. I’m not comfortable with that. I mean of course you could never understand what this means exactly, not being a musician and all…” I found myself mumbling through my rant. I took s deep breath. He chuckled
“Had to get that off your chest.”
“Haha yeah, thanks.”
  He got up from his seat and sat himself to the empty chair besides me and pulled me into his arms. The small gesture meant more to me than I could ever put into words.
“It’s not easy being Taylor Swift is it?”
“Ha, no. Not in the slightest.”
We kissed and then he went back to his chair. By the end of our conversation Adam’s hateful comments didn’t sting so bad.
We got in the car for the short ride back to the hotel. Tom drove one hand on the steering wheel the only on my lap. I decided to turn on the radio. Lately I had been avoiding that too. But today was not going to be afraid by whatever song met my ears.
I guess God likes to play games, I knew he was laughing above when the familiar tune of my old hit We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together filled the car. There was no other way to describe the irony other than a God send.
“Oh my god!” I laughed. Tom turned up the volume. Normally I would fight to change the channel when my songs came on the radio but today I would let it be.
“I REMEMBER WHEN WE BROKE UP” I started to sing along with… well myself, loudly. To my utter surprise the beautiful boy next to me joined in my pathetic chorus.
The ride home became a jam session as we both belted out the lyrics to the top of our lungs. We had absolutely no pitch, we weren’t hitting the notes properly, in fact it seemed to be a contest of who could sing louder.
The sass was evident in both our voices and once the song ended we both laughed hysterically despite the fact we were out of breath. I do not remember the last time I laughed so hard in my life. How many grown men do you know would sing a pop song like that at the top of their lungs making a complete fool of themselves? The song may have been a random gift from above but Tom was an angel sent from heaven.

I felt like we needed some lighthearted hiddleswift happiness with all the dram rn😂

Cant get enough - Harry Styles

Can you please do an imagine where you put on lingerie for Harry for the first time ? You’re kinda shy but he can’t get enough of you ? Please xx

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤


❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Originally posted by arantxaj95

Harry has been gone for two months touring and he finally has a break , so hes coming home .
I missed him so much that I wanted to do something special for him , so I went to Victorias Secret and bought a little something .
“Y/N?” I hear Harry’s voice as the front door closes and I hold me breath , trying to stay calm .
“Babe?"He continues , his footsteps sounding closer and closer .
I bite my lip as our bedroom door opens , a happy grin on Harry’s face as he see’s me , before the grin dropping from his lips .
I feel my stomach churn violently as he slowly walks into the room , confusion and something else in his eyes.
"Y/N” Harry breathes and I stand from the bed .
“I-i know , I look  silly i’ll just go change” I murmur shyly , turning before I could humiliate myself anymore.
“No” He says , grabbing my arm and turning me around .
“You look beautiful. I just wasn’t expecting this is all” He says , pulling me closer to him .
I smile , biting the inside of my cheek .
“You dont think I look weird or something?” I ask , and he gives me a ‘are you serious’ look .
“I’ve never seen you in something like this before , but i’d love to more often” He says cheekily , making me laugh .
“Well i’d love to as well” I reply , wrapping my arms around his neck .
We both lean in for a kiss and next thing you know we’re on the bed , Harry on top of me .
“I’ve missed you so much” He whispers , kissing my lips and my nose and everywhere on my face , making me giggle .
“How much?” I whisper back , biting my lip .
His eyes travel to my lips and he groans , pressing a hard kiss to my lips .
I bring my fingers into his hair and scratch it gently , making him moan into the kiss .
“I want you” I plead in between kisses , Harry starting to trail them down my neck .
“As much as I like you in this” He says , his voice deep and raspy .
“I would much rather see you out of it” He finishes ,before pressing his lips to mine again.


A/N - ANNNNND im just gonna leave it there :) hope you enjoyed!

anonymous asked:

I have never seen a "straight" dude look less interested in a half naked woman then Mr. Two-Beards-and-a-Baby.

I shouldn’t be laughing so hard, but what straight dude ignores boobs?!?! And her bending over and giving the pap the ass-shot is just!!!  

And yes, two “kissing” pics, but ONLY 2 out of 99 and with her top on!!  And then there are solo Sad!Danielle pics. Which. Okay. I could see a use for those.

Wonder if she’ll leave on a boat while he sits in a hot tub with Oli?

MITAM #6: If I Could Fly ✈️

A/N: Again, this is another one of my absolute favorite One Direction songs. I think Harry out did himself with this beautiful piece and it is most definitely going to be featured in my wedding ;) I hope you guys enjoy this one! Feedback always appreciated .xx

Harry“I’ve been going out of my mind, know that I’m just wasting time… Yeah, and I hope that you don’t run from me…”

- I run my fingers through my hair, trying to stop the tears from running down my face. It was another case of rumors running rampant. My best friend had just texted me to tell me that Harry was spotted on a vacation with one of his exes. This has happened before… A couple of times as a matter of fact, but it has really been taking a toll on me. I have never loved anyone as much as I love Harry, and I know that he would never cheat on me, or do anything to hurt me. But the media just doesn’t care and I needed all of these circulating stories to come to a stop. I had sent Harry a picture of the magazine cover earlier and the more I think about him, I hear my phone ringing. “Hello?” I somehow choke out a greeting through my tears. “Baby, it isn’t true you know that right?” I take a deep breath, knowing that this isn’t going to be an easy conversation, “I know Harry… it’s just… So exhausting to constantly read and see things like this. I don’t know why people can’t just respect our relationship and stop making up stories.” My crying had returned back to sobbing and I could tell Harry had started crying too. “I know Y/N… I’m trying my best baby. Please believe me, don’t believe these articles… Don’t run away from me… Don’t leave me please. I need you and I love you so much.” I have never heard him sound so vulnerable, and I knew I needed to be his rock now, “Don’t worry babe… I am not going anywhere ok? I am going to be here through it all. It’s going to take a lot for them to get rid of me.” I heard him laugh on the other line, and I knew then that everything would be ok.

Louis“I’ve got scars… Even though they can’t always be seen. And pain gets hard, but now your here and I don’t feel a thing.”

- Louie had always had a very over-the-top personality, he was bold, and loved adventuring. He was one of the strongest people I have ever met, and with that came some disadvantages… If he was going through a difficult time, I would never know because he never leads on to being in any pain. Until one day when I received a phone call from him that was rather concerning. It actually sounded like he was crying. “Y/N… I need you…” That was all he needed to say, “I am getting in the car and coming over right now Lou.” I hung up the phone and drove as quick as I could to get right by his side, because I knew he would always do the same thing for me. When I walked into his house, I was so shocked by how emotional he was. I didn’t say a single word, just walked over to him and gave him the biggest hug I could muster. “Whats wrong hun?” Through his tears, he was able to look at me, “Y/N… I just always hold things in and it is really hard for me to express certain feelings. And sometimes I feel like you don’t know how much I love you… but I do babes.” I was so surprised by all of this, and I didn’t know what to say, “Louis. I know you care about me ok? You don’t need to worry about a thing, I’m still going to be here… Always.” I felt much better once I saw him smile. “Do you feel better now?” He nodded, “The pain went away the moment I saw you.”

Liam“If I could fly, I’d be coming right back home to you… I think I might, give up everything just ask me to…”

- When I met Liam at the Funky Buddha one night, I had no idea that he would even notice me, or that we would be anything more than a couple of acquaintances… but it very quickly blossomed into something so much more. We have now been dating for over 3 years, and I have to admit, it is probably one of the hardest things in the world to have to be in a relationship with someone I can’t really see that much. Despite the difficulties, we still made it a must to talk to each other on the phone at least once a day. Today when Liam called, he really wanted to play a game of “would you rather”. “Ok babes, so would you rather be able to fly, or be able to be invisible?” This was a hard question, and I really had to think about it, “Hmm. I think I would want to be invisible… What about you Li?” There was a very brief pause on the other line, “Thats an easy one Y/N. I would pick flying, without a doubt in my mind.” I couldn’t help but giggle at his certainty, “Why would you pick flying?” After another brief pause he quickly responded, “Because if I could fly, that means I would be able to come see you whenever I wanted… Which would mean I would be with you all the time.” A huge smile came across my face at what he said, “Aww Liam. I wish you could fly. I miss you so much.” He sighed, “I know babe. I love you so much, you know I would do anything for you Y/N.”

Niall“I’m missing half of me, when we’re apart… Now you know me… For your eyes only.”

- Touring was Niall’s favorite part of his job, but at the same time, the part he dreaded the most. I have to say, I feel the same way about it. I love watching him go around the world and be able to live out his dream… and it also means that I can’t see my boyfriend for months at a time. So when he wasn’t on tour, we tried to spend as much time together as we possibly can. “Hey Princess, I have a surprise for you.” Niall said as he walked into the living room hiding something behind his back. I paused for a moment, trying to sneak around and see what he was keeping out of my view… “What is it?” There was still silence, “Niall James Horan. Tell me right now whats going on.” He giggled a little and started to move his hands from behind him, “These are some tickets… For any show that you want to come visit me on. Don’t worry about the airfare or anything like that, we have it all covered.” I tried to hold in my excitement, but when he pulled out an adorable little coupon book from his hands I lost it. “I colored in the little pages myself.” I couldn’t help but give him a big kiss.