i never said i was a strong person

9

❝The reason I put out “Bow Down” is because I woke up, I went into the studio, I had a chant in my head. It was aggressive. It was angry. It wasn’t the Beyoncé that wakes up every morning. It was the Beyoncé that was angry. It was the Beyoncé that felt the need to defend herself. And if the song never comes out, okay! I said it. And I listened to it after I finished, and I said, ‘This is hot! I'ma put it out. I’m not gon’ sell it. I'ma just put it out.’ People like it, great. If they don’t, they don’t. And I won’t do it every day because that’s not who I am but I feel strong. And anyone that says ‘Oh that is disrespectful’, just imagine the person that hates you. Imagine the person that doesn’t believe in you, and look in the mirror and say ’BOW DOWN, bitch,’ and I guarantee you’ll feel gangsta.❞

anonymous asked:

Can you do a top 5 Haikyuu characters with the saddest or emotional backstory? The ones that really pulled at your heart strings and made want to cuddle them forever? At least so far in the story. Thanks!

Top 5 tragic (or not so tragic) backstories of haikyuu characters?

1. Oikawa. His backstory taught me a lesson that will stay forever with me. It taught me that’s it’s ok to be afraid, that’s it’s natural to feel despair when you’ve always been on top and suddenly other people start to catch up on you. It taught me that the only way to go on is to keep fighting. It taught me that’s ok to fail, but never to give up. Oikawa is such an inspiring character who went through so much, and hides everything behind his perfect facade. His backstory of struggles and his self awareness journey towards the realization that he’s not a genius, that being surpassed is not a possibility but it’s already his reality made him incredibly human and gave his character a force to be reckoned with. He will never stop trying to make the flower of his talent bloom again, again and again. It made me feel…so much. I love Oikawa, in all his fragile, flawed, indomitable self (ಥ﹏ಥ)

2. Tendou. *slams fist on the wall* WHO DARED TO HURT MY BABY TENDOU??? His flashback broke my heart in so many pieces. Those kids were so mean to him, calling him a monster just because he was different? He was just a little child who wanted to have fun and play volleyball…I’m so proud of how he turned his pain into his ultimate weapon (and kicked so many asses with it)

Originally posted by taejiwoo

3. Kageyama. More than his backstory as a kid, what hurt me was his time in junior high. When he arrived to Karasuno, Kageyama was like a hurt wild animal, so aggressive just because he was trying to desperately protect himself. He never had a true supportive team and was convinced that he always had to do everything by himself. He was ostracized, made fun of and abandoned, by his teammates and by the only guidance he ever looked up to. And now here we have him, our beautiful blueberry who learned to trust and to rely on others and who’s constantly improving to be the best setter possible, to his favorite spiker and to the rest of the team. He’s finally home, and that’s beautiful

Originally posted by not-haikyuu

4. Tsukishima. Eh, another pretty painful one that explained us why the Tsukki that we know is like he is. The contrast between his little self and his older self is heartbreaking. He was a still cocky but very happy little kid…who was lied to all that time. The sport that his beloved brother introduced him to now is just a constant reminder of the pain and anger he suffered. But still, he kept playing, even if…“It’s just a club”. These were all the elements we needed to appreciate the moment he was hooked on volleyball to the fullest :’) I’m so proud of Tsukki, his character development is one of my favorites.  

Originally posted by juminss

5. Ushijima. “The fact that he’s different from other people, will probably end up being his strength”. This was just a calming and comforting backstory, I loved Ushijima’s dad so much, he was really sweet. First of all, refusing to correct his left handiness was an incredible gesture of love (as a left-handed person, I relate so much), he never pressured him to become a volleyball player, and yet Ushijima did, he joined a strong team, he faced so many opponents that made him stronger, became the ace his father admired so much, he liked volleyball, and he made his dad happy. This is such an perfect (and unexpected) backstory for him. 

Originally posted by vyctornikiforov

That being said, I’m dying everyday waiting for Bokuto’s backstory. I’m ready for the pain Furudate, slay me. 

Thank you for your message!

Ask me my top 5 things!

i just simply HATE the fact that they make kara acknowledge how mon-el’s a shitty person and how he LED a country where slavery was a thing and he BENEFITED his whole life from it - like, she literally said those words to him, called him out on that - but still chooses to be with him. i HATE that so much bc it seems like kara can overlook something as serious as slavery and that is a no no. that’s not who she is. that’s not who supergirl is. she would never. kara-zor-el is a character with a strong moral compass. they are making it seem like she can overlook fucking slavery for some dick. are you kidding me? the fuck is that? is2g DC should be whooping cw’s ass bc what they are doing to their amazing character is some serious gross disrespectful shit

anonymous asked:

prompt: Harry teaching Draco how to do the patronus charm, but Draco can't think of happy memories and ends up using memories of Harry, and Harry asks what he thought of

I’ve literally been so lazy. Soz everyone who has been sending in prompts. I promise to do them eventually. Anyway, enjoy!


“Let’s try it one more time.” This was the fifth failed attempt at conjuring a patronus for Draco. Harry had been kind enough to help him. They’ve been friends since the start of eighth year when Draco went up to the boy to apologise for everything he’s done and to thank him for speaking at his trial. The two have been inseparable ever since.

“It’s no use. I’ve used every happy memory imaginable. None of them are strong enough.” Draco said sadly. He sat down with a huff next to Harry.

“I didn’t get it on my first try either. And you did produce some mist. I couldn’t produce a corporeal patronus for quite some time.” He laid a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. Draco smiled at him lightly. He never really had people comfort him until he met Harry. His father was always cold and distant and he never really talked about his emotions to anyone.

Then Harry came along. The first person he ever talked to about the war was Harry. The first person who actually understood what he was going through was Harry. The first person to make Draco laugh after the war was Harry. Hang on. Of course! Why didn’t he think of him before!

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i lost my voice for a week & nobody noticed because i never freaking talk

Someone in a thread over at the Pathfinder RPG pafe said said “These personal issues really distracts from the game. Does anyone remember the days when none of this stuff was a friggin issue and all we had was fun????”

Such a time never existed, and if you think it does it’s because either as a guy you never had to deal with it, or for some reason your experiences were sheltered.

You know what days *I* remember?

I remember being told no matter how well I rolled, my female D&D fighter could not, as a matter of the *rules* be as strong as a man. Another player could decide his 13-year-old boy PC had a 18/00 Strength because he was magically blessed, but as a female character I *couldn’t*.

I remember bringing in a new character and being told they’d pick me up at the next village, and my background would be randomly rolled for. And do you know what was rolled? Harlot. And then I had to see what KIND of harlot. But, I was assured, this was totally fair. Because I might end up being a pimp, which would mean I was a male character.

But no, I was a wanton wench.

I remember not being ABLE to find a figure for a female warrior who didn’t have her tits, ass, thighs, or all of the above exposed. I remember being shown an editorial in Dragon Magazine where Kim Mohan *admitted* that sexualization in female miniatures was a problem, but claimed the Strength cap wasn’t “something any reasonable person could argue with” … AND didn’t offer any suggestions on how to deal with either issue.

I remember being told that since my magic-user’s level title for the next level was “sorcerer,” and not “sorceress,” and there was NO evidence in the rules of female sorcerers, I could NOT gain that level.

These were the people who TAUGHT me to role-play. And yeah that last argument is stupid, but I had NO WAY of knowing that. I mean there were racial caps for classes, and a Strength cap for gender, so why wouldn’t I accept a gender cap for classes?

Those days sucked. Roleplaying was so great a thrill I wanted to do it anyway. It wasn’t until one of the toads I played with physically assaulted me I left that group, because I was young and impressionable and they had LOTS of evidence that was just How the Game Was Played.

Never, EVER think that HOW a company describes things, presents itself, covers issue of gender and sexual orientation in the rules, and comports itself with customers doesn’t have a MAJOR impact on the culture of people playing the game.

TSR, and then WotC, had a LONG history of showing that women are second-class PCs at best, and mostly exist as sex objects to cling to the thighs of Conan-like heroes. Played by Boys. Gary Gygaz once said that women’s Brains are “Wired Differently,” and that’s why they just aren’t interested in rpgs. Of course that attitude impacted how woman were portrayed, and thus how a lot of players and DMs played.

It’s NOT that “All Cheesecake is Bad.” I’m not claiming you can’t have sexy character and nods to pulp – you just have to have them for both genders, and you have to have more than that. You have to show a RANGE of characters, male and female, spellcaster and warrior, preferable in every product but absolutely in the core rules.

Paizo and Pathfinder do a MUCH better job of that than anything WotC did before 5e (and 5e is too new to fairly judge either way). And so yeah, it is NO surprise to me when I can have fun with every Pathfinder group I ever meet, and get inappropriately harassed by about a third of the MTG and D&D groups I encounter.

So yeah, this stuff matters. It has ALWAYS mattered. And we NEED it in order to allow EVERYONE to “all have fun.”

—  Dungeon Dames
Tree Tattoos

Summary:  Whenever you turn 16, whatever happens to your body happens to your soulmate’s body. Connor Murphy’s soulmate loves trees and flowers, but is also suicidal and anxious. He writes reminders about how they should take their medications, and that today was going to be a good day.
He’s paired up with Evan Hansen, the boy who he tried to get away from after signing his cast, in Biology 2. He offers to hang out after school, and Evan accepts.
The sad thing is that everything flips there.
Word Count: 7.1K
Trigger Warnings: self-harm, mention of suicide attempt, and panic attacks.


Fifteen tattoos were littered all over Connor’s body.  They were small, and he had been getting them since he was 16, and his mother wrote out a thing saying he had parent’s permission to get tattoos.  Cynthia only did that because all the drawings were soulmate markings.

Keep reading

✯Super-hero & Super-heroine✯
  • “Honor and Truth will never fail against the enemy.”
  • “I fight because I have to.”
  • “No matter what you do to me, it won’t change anything. I will never break.”
  • “Talk, talk, talk… it’s always the same old speech, if you’re going to do something, JUST DO it already, so I can stop you.”
  • “Even if ONE person needs me, I will fight for them with everything I’ve got.”
  • “I never said you’d be easy to destroy, I said no one else could do it but me.”
  • “I have to look at myself in the mirror every day and shake off what I see, and still get out there and be strong for everyone else.”
  • “Powers are NOT the most important thing; you have to have the guts to stand up to the enemy with or without them.”
  • “Anyone can say they have the answers, but the real decisions are never easy.”
  • “My heritage is only a starting point, I defend everyone else’s right to their own.”
  • “I had the choice too, you know. I could have been as destructive and selfish as you, but I chose to rise above it.”
  • “You think this is an easy life for me? I wouldn’t wish this fate on anyone.”
  • “You can’t make war on the whole world!”
  • “The ones that did this to you are not responsible for what you’ve become. YOU are.”
  • “It’s not about what I want, it’s about what’s needed, and I can provide it.”
  • “Some are born with weakness of spirit and body, and a rare few are stronger than the rest. They have to lead an example so that the weak can hope.”
  • “People may not understand, but they will see, and they will learn through time, we have to be paitent.”
  • “That sounds like something a maniac would say.”
  • “I only need one shot, as long as it counts.”
  • “My burdens don’t lessen. They multiply.”
  • “When you fight through the pain and put blinders on to all the noise, you can move through anything.”
  • “Are you taking lives and destroying people’s peace? Then it doesn’t matter what your cause is, you’re the bad guy.”
  • “Careful your fear doesn’t turn to anger, careful your anger doesn’t turn to rage.”
  • “Those that hate the opposing side so ardently are doomed to become worse than the thing they despise.”
  • “When I say I protect everyone, I mean everyone. Not just those that claim they deserve it more.”
  • “As long as I am around, you won’t win!”
  • “I don’t do the sidekick thing.”
  • “I don’t do this for the fame or adoration.”
  • “All I know is what I am, and I was made to stop you.”
  • “Look at the horror you’ve caused! Look at all the bloodshed!”
  • That… I can’t pay for that, sorry.”
  • “Most of the time, people are just as afraid of me as they are of the bad guy.”
  • “Sometimes I don’t know why I still help them when they would turn against me at the slightest sign of fear.”
  • “I just want a normal life, but I didn’t get it.”
  • “If I had a normal life, I suppose I’d be like all the ones I try to save.”
  • “I can’t just sit here, idly by while innocent people suffer!”
  • “The ( mayor/counsel/prime minister/president ) has me on speed dial.”
  • “I’m not perfect. They only see what they want to see.”
  • “Ignorance and Vanity are diseases that infect even the most educated. THAT is the true plague of mankind.”
  • “I won’t turn my back on them!”
  • “Your fancy weapons and technology won’t win this!”
Adored by Him (Part 2)

A/N: So I got distracted playing Mass Effect, so I’m sorry if this seems rushed. #itried 

Warnings: Idk last time this made people cry so grab tissues.

Word Count: 1, 450

Your POV 

“Well I am, so please move…I’m sorry” 

“Y/N, wait-” 

This was the tenth time I replayed the past events in my head. I feel like I didn’t even take time to think about how Dan felt with all of this? Overwhelmed? Guilty? All I remember was leaving our home, my already red, puffy eyes flickering up to his glossy ones. I didn’t know where to go. I was too impulsive…maybe I should have just lied about what was wrong with me? No. Phil was right the best thing to do is get it off my shoulders. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, I let out a big sigh and checked what it was. 

Dan: Y/N where are you?

Dan: Y/N I’m sorry. Are you okay?

Y/N: I’m fine Dan. Pls don’t tell me you’re out looking for me.

Dan:…

Y/N: Daniel

Dan: look you left, and we need to talk about this.

Y/N: Hard pass

Dan: you can’t just “hard pass” your way out of this.

Y/N: Just did.  

I closed my eyes, looking up at the beautiful London night sky. It was mostly just black, but with some stars scattered in different places lighting up the sky. I guess there’s something to calm me down. That thought quickly escaped my mind when I felt my phone vibrate again. 

Phil: Found you

Y/N: sounds like ur bout to murder me m8

Phil: Shut up, turn around. 

I sat up on the bench, and twisted around in my seat to see Phil standing a few feet away. The moment I made eye contact with him all I could see was sympathy in his eyes. I almost broke down crying again but I was already drained from the previous crying. I got up from the bench and ran towards Phil, he caught me in a warm embrace. After a few moments, we pulled away and I tried my best to give him a small smile. 

“You need to talk to Dan.” Phil said in a very stern voice. 

“Not you too.” I groaned, rolling my eyes. 

“Avoiding your problems isn’t going to do anything to help." 

"Please don’t tell me you told Dan where I was.” The second after I said that, I heard a relieved gasp from behind me. I turned around, but I was greeted with someone throwing their arms around my waist. I almost instantly knew who it was. Black coat, scruffy brown hair, and that distinct scent that emitted off of his body. Dan. I felt my throat go dry, and my heart rate increased. I started shaking my head, and pushed Dan off of me.

“My job is done. See you guys back home.” Phil laughed. I stared at him with a questioning look. Why was he LAUGHING at this?  

“Dan I told you not to-” I turned my attention back to Dan, but I was still avoiding eye contact.

“My turn to interrupt you. Let me talk.” Dan put his finger up so I would stay silent.

“Dan please. I know what you’re going to say and-” Before I could even say the rest of my sentence, Dan grabbed my cheeks and pulled me in for a warm, soft kiss. I wanted to reject it, because I knew he was taken. He was dating a beautiful, adventurous girl that I could never be compared to. But I couldn’t help myself. I melted under his touch and as cheesy, and cliché as it sounds, the kiss felt magical. He pulled away and smiled at me.

“Can I talk now?” He smirked, still holding my cheeks. I felt my face heat up, and I knew that my face was super red. I was still caught up in his kiss. I still felt his lips lingering on mine even though they weren’t even there.

“Why did you do that, Dan? You’re dating Allison.” Reality hit me, and I took his hands off my face. I stared at the ground after a realization that I’ll never be able to kiss him again.

“But I’m not.” Dan’s voice got softer, and my eyes flickered up to his. His eyes looked at me with care, and love. I felt a spark go off in my stomach, has he always looked at me like that?

“W-What do you mean?”

“I was lying when I said we got in a fight. She actually broke up with me because she knew I still loved you.”

“Wait you…what? Still?” My eyes lit up and I was staring into his wonderful eyes.

“I don’t know where to start really. The moment we met I knew you were going to be this amazing person, and I adored you almost instantly. I spent my time convincing myself I wasn’t good enough for you and that you would never have feelings for me back. So I moved on.” He shrugged his shoulders and now he was the one avoiding eye contact. 

I felt my heart sink, and I tried searching in his eyes to see if I was able to tell if he was lying or not.  

“Then I met Allison. She’s an amazing girl don’t get me wrong; I wasn’t lying when I said I thought I felt something strong with her. That’s only because I was still in denial that I still had feelings for you. Then earlier today when she broke up with me, it did hurt. I thought she was my only chance at having a long lasting relationship because I thought there were unrequited feelings between me and the person I really loved.” He grabbed my hand and stared at it for a while. He started stroking the back of my hand with his thumb and continued talking. “But I lied to you because…I don’t know actually. I felt vulnerable and pathetic." 

"Dan…” I lifted my free hand to his cheek. He leaned into my touch instantly, closing his eyes. I dropped my hand from his cheek and he looked into my eyes again. Looking…guilty? 

“But then you told me you loved me, and that me dating Allison hurt you a lot. I thought ‘damn, only I can fuck up this much.” He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. “I saw how hurt you were and I felt…well saying guilty is an understatement. So I tried to explain myself, like I’m doing right now. But you being the stubborn bugger you are, you didn’t give me a chance to speak.”  

I didn’t know what to say. I got lost in his eyes for a while. Trying to process everything he said. He loved me? Wait not loved, he LOVES me. I felt so relieved and happy, I burst into happy tears. A change from all the sad tears I spilt that night.

“Oh my god did I fuck up again? What did I say? Y/N are you okay?” Dan let go of my hand and backed away from me, scared that he hurt me again. I shook my head, laughing at his reaction. 

“Yes, I’m okay Dan. I’m beyond okay.” I opened my arms, and wrapped them around his neck. I held onto him tightly, scared that I would choke him, I loosened my grip around his neck. I felt him wrap his arms around my waist, holding me close.  

“I’m sorry for everything I put you through, Y/N. I never intended to hurt you.” He nuzzled his face into my neck. The feeling of his hot breath caused shivers to go down my spine. 

“I know you didn’t Dan. I love you.” I pulled away from him, though I left my arms still wrapped around his neck. 

“I love you too, Y/N.” Dan smiled at me, his eyes flicking down to my lips then back to my eyes.

“Are you thinking of that kiss from earlier too?” I chuckled, leaning my forehead against his. 

“Maybe.” He looked into my eyes one more time before pulling me into another kiss. My hands went up to his hair, and I felt his grip tighten on my waist.

“Maybe we should get out of the cold.” I pulled away to catch my breath.

“That might be a good idea.” He laughed, pulling away from me. 

On the walk back to our flat, we laughed, telling stories of random things that happened to us over the past week. Our hands were intertwined the whole way. I knew this is where I wanted to be, I didn’t have to decide where to go because I already knew. With Dan, I was already home. I finally knew how it felt to be adored by him, and I was never going to let what we have go.

anonymous asked:

Do you think Clarke had already subconsciously fallen for Bellamy when she was with Finn and Lexa? It seems like both Finn and Lexa had questioned her about this in an indirect manner.

Short answer: Yes.

Long answer:

The attraction has been there since season 1. That’s for sure. I mean look at her face. They were openly flirting in this scene.

And Finn saw that too.

I think she started having feelings (in a romantic sense of the word) for Bellamy in season 2. She asked specifically if Finn and Bellamy made it. Twice.  She put Bellamy on the same level as her love interest. (Did she ask for Monroe? Sterling? Octavia? No.)

She ran through the camp just to get to him and the hug… even Bellamy himself was shocked. Octavia noticed (”There’s something I thought I’d never see.” + her facial expression is also very telling) Damn just rewatch it. Pay a special attention to Clarke’s facial expressions. Compare Bellarke hug to Clarke/Octavia hug - that’s a massive difference.

Clarke still felt guilty for closing the door on Bellamy and Finn. That’s very evident in that scene by the fire in 2x05.  Bellamy offered her understanding. “It had to be done.” He made it very clear that he’s not holding it against her, that he understand why she did it. He reassured her she’d done the right thing. And that’s something Clarke needed at this moment. She was kinda on her own in the Mountain. She was suspicious and trying to get out while the other were trying to convince her they’re finally safe. Then she espaced with the knowledge she left them all behind in MW (which is not what happened but I’m pretty sure Clarke thought something like this). And then she reunited with Bellamy and suddenly she was not alone. She got her partner back. 

And then in 2x05-2x08, they were back in their co-leaders mode. They were so in sync…. Since this episode (meaning 2x05) Bellamy is the person she trusts the most. The person who understands the burden of being a leader and carries it with her. She started falling for Bellamy in these episodes. She still had feelings for Finn but she was not exactly “with Finn”. She wasn’t Finn with since the moment Raven’d landed on the Earth.

The narrative backs me up in 2x09. Clarke just killed Finn and one of the first things she said to Bellamy in this episode is “I can’t lose you too.” Again, Bellamy is put at the same level as the person she’d said “I love you” just a few hours ago.Later in the episode L/xa (sorry guys but thi will show up in the tag anyway since the anon used the correct name) and Clarke had conversation about leading their people and L/xa confided a story of her lost love to Clarke. Clarke needed to stop the pain. She wanted to become a strong stoic leader and make sure she will never have to feel this way again so she built the walls around her heart and emotionally shut herself off. “Love is weakness.” And what is the first thing Clarke did? She sent Bellamy away with the words “I was being weak. It’s worth the risk.” This is Clarke trying to be like L/xa - strong leader devoid of emotions. And what is Clarke’s last line in this episode? “Love is weakness.” Hmmm interesting. So yeah I think she started realizing she has feelings for Bellamy in 2x09 but that’s one of the reasons she sent him away. 

She realized her mistake pretty fast because basically all episode of 2b is Clarke being constantly worried about Bellamy (2x11 is a perfect example but it’s in every single episode). Yet she never stopped believing in Bellamy. She never doubted him. She always believed he’d succeed in this mission.

Even L/xa saw it and called Clarke out on her feelings for Bellamy. “You care about him.” “I care about all of them.” “Yet you worry about him more.” FUCK EVEN L/XA SAW IT.

“…besides, we lost contact with Bellamy.” she’s blinking the tears back again.

And their reunion in the tunnels in 2x16? Clarke is speechless, she’s just staring at Bellamy in wonder, blinking the tears back. She absolutely stunned and the relief is written all over her face.

Moving on…. she didn’t tell anyone else but Bellamy that she’s leaving (maybe expect for Monty). She didn’t even tell her mother. Anyways, did she kiss Monty goodbye? No, she didn’t.


Now for the second part of your question. I’d like to start by saying that Clarke probably spent plenty of time thinking about the delinquents and Bellamy in particular during those 3 months between s2 and s3. Now I’m talking about platonic Bellarke. She thought of him as her partner, friend, co-leader. Se thought of him as a person who pulled that lever with her.

And then she finally saw him again when he came to rescue her. He caressed her face and hair and she’s absolutely stunned. She just started at him with wide eyes. She begged for his life, her voice breaking and she’s do anything - even sacrificing her own life for him (don’t forget that she didn’t know Roan is taking her to Polis, she thought he’s taking her to Nia who wants to kill her). This scene kills me every damn time because it’s the least platonic shit I’ve ever seen. And Roan noticed (and as the season went on, he kept on noticing).

Then everything had changed because Roan brought her to Polis and Clarke was forced to play a role of Wanheda, She became a political figure. War was about to happen and Skaikru was in danger. She didn’t trust L/xa (for a good reason because obviously L/xa betrayed them before) so she had to stay to make sure L would keep her word AND SHE WASN’T READY TO COME BACK. NOT YET. That’s why she decided to stay in Polis in 3x03. If you watch the scene closely, you can see that the conversation with Bellamy wasn’t easy for Clarke. When he walked away, she had to take a moment to blink back the tears and take a deep breath before she was ready to turn around and play the role of wanheda again.

Since 3x04 she was falling for L/xa. But at the same time, she never stopped having feelings for Bellamy. It is possible to love two people at the same time. But I believe Clarke didn’t realize the true nature of her feelings for Bellamy.

One of my scene is definitely their argument in 3x05. I analyzed it in details so you can check that out. Clarke was stunned. She was absolutely crushed. But that scene also kinda woke her up. She was on her own for 3 months, she was isolated from her people in Polis (which is the main reason I’m always saying she was a terrible ambassador) and this argument finally showed her the reality and the consequences of what’s been going on in Arkadia in between 2x16 and 3x05. She realized she’s not the only one who’s hurting. She saw how broken Bellamy was. And she believed her they could fix it all. Together. But she said a few words that triggered Bellamy and he did what he did (again, I talked about it in detail a few months ago).

After the debacle in Arkadia, she focused on playing the role on wanheda again in order to keep her people safe. She was getting closer and closer with L/xa and eventually she fall for her…. and we all know how that played out. Clarke lost another person she loved. At that time, that was all she could think of. Everything happened so fast and then there was the flame, Titus, Murphy… she didn’t have time to think about her feelings. She was overwhelmed. Her feelings for Bellamy were still buried inside of her though without her realizing it.

The Bellarke reunion in 3x11 is interesting for many reasons. Clarke expression can be interpreted many ways but I think she’s also shocked she saw Bellamy, relieved he’s alive and relatively well (she had to blink to make sure he’s really standing there in front of her) and she was also scared. She didn’t know where they stood because the last time they saw each other he handcuffed her and she tazed him.

3b was about finding their way back to each other and Bellamy realizing his feelings for Clarke. Yes, I think that at this point Bellamy is aware of his feelings for Clarke. Clarke on the other hand is not but the feelings are definitely there and have been since season 2. Those feelings never disappeared and I hope we’ll get to see Clarke bringing these feeling back on the surface and becoming aware of her them.

6

Malcolm and Martin, closer than we ever thought

The Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. was leaving a news conference one afternoon when a tall man with a coppery complexion stepped out of the crowd and blocked his path. Malcolm X, the African-American Muslim leader who once called King “Rev. Dr. Chicken-wing,” extended his hand and smiled.

“Well, Malcolm, good to see you,” King said after taking Malcolm X’s hand.

“Good to see you,” Malcolm X replied as both men broke into huge grins while a gaggle of photographers snapped pictures of their only meeting.

That encounter on March 26, 1964, lasted only a minute. But a photo of that meeting has tantalized scholars and supporters of both men for more than 45 years.

As the 85th birthday of Malcolm X is marked on Wednesday, history has freeze-framed him as the angry black separatist who saw whites as blue-eyed devils. Yet near the end of his life, Malcolm X was becoming more like King – and King was becoming more like him. “In the last years of their lives, they were starting to move toward one another,” says David Howard-Pitney, who recounted the Capitol Hill meeting in his book “Martin Luther King, Jr., Malcolm X, and the Civil Rights Struggle of the 1950s and 1960s. "While Malcolm is moderating from his earlier position, King is becoming more militant,” Pitney says.

Malcolm X was reaching out to King even before he broke away from the Nation of Islam and embraced Sunni Islam after a pilgrimage to Mecca, says Andrew Young, a member of King’s inner circle at the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, the civil rights group King headed.“Even before his trip to Mecca, Malcolm used to come by the SCLC’s office,” Young says. “Unfortunately, Dr. King was never there when he came." 

He reached out to King and other civil rights leaders. In 1965, Malcolm X traveled to Selma, Alabama, where King was leading a campaign, to offer support. "Brother Malcolm was definitely making an outreach to some civil rights leaders,” says A. Peter Bailey, an original member of the group Malcolm X founded, The Organization of Afro-American Unity, and a friend of Malcolm X. “He believed that the one who would be most responsive would be Dr. King.”

The Muslim leader had developed an appreciation for King, Bailey says.“He had come to believe that King believed in what he was doing,” Bailey says. “He believed in nonviolence; it just wasn’t a show. He developed respect for him. I heard him say you have to give respect to men who put their lives on the line.”

King’s movement toward Malcolm began as he shifted the civil rights movement to the North, friends and scholars say. During the last three years of his life, King became more radical. He talked about eliminating poverty and providing a guaranteed annual income for all U.S. citizens. He came out against the Vietnam War, and said American society would have to be restructured.He also veered into Malcolm X’s rhetorical territory when he started preaching black self-pride, says Pitney.

“King is photographed a number of times in 1967 and ‘68 wearing a 'Black is Beautiful’ button,’ ” Pitney says.

A year before King died, the journalist David Halberstam even told him he “sounded like a nonviolent Malcolm X,” Pitney says.

In the epic PBS civil rights series, Coretta Scott King, the civil rights leader’s widow, said King never took Malcolm X’s biting criticisms of his nonviolence stance personally. “I know Martin had the greatest respect for Malcolm …,” she said. “I think that if Malcolm had lived, at some point the two would have come closer together and would have been a very strong force.”

(via CNN)

13 Reasons Why (Tape 8)

Characters: sister!reader, Dean, Sam, Crowley, Rowena, Mary, John, Jody(mentioned), Claire(mentioned)

Warnings: pain, torture, angst, suicidal thoughts

Word count: 4809

Summary: you start to think that being alive is maybe what your problem is and why you cause so much pain to others. Dean listens to tape 8 and discovers a lie you had to tell him and Sam up until now.

Series: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

Press play. Listen. Press play. Listen. She’s dead because of you… Those words were spoken in Dean’s head just moments before he bolted up in his bed. His forehead was sweaty and he stuck to his sheets. Another nightmare just like he continued to have since you were gone. After his visit to Jody and asking about her soul, Dean hadn’t been able to listen to tape 8. He was too worried about it; no matter how much he tried to see this having a light at the end of the tunnel, the ending would still be the same; you would still be gone.

His lack of sleep was something that wasn’t unusual to him, but it had gotten worse when you died. Even more so when he started listen to the tapes. Now he just wanted to get through them so he could finally hear what it was that he had done to hurt you.

“Here we go again,” he whispered to himself with a broken voice. He kissed the tape player and said, “I miss you, Y/N.” His eyes were closed as he pressed play on tape 8.

“I made a promise to someone and I knew no matter what, I was going to see it through. Isn’t that how we all feel? That when you make that commitment to someone, you have to do as you promised. I had too many broken promises in my life; I didn’t want to be the cause of any. So I came to someone and told them I would do anything if they returned the soul of Jody Mills… I didn’t realise how far I would have to go in order to save her.”

* * *

You didn’t know why you kept leaving the bunker because no matter what you always ended back in the same place. At least you were with your brothers here, you loved being around them and you hated being alone. The only downside was that you still had to spend time with Mary and John. Living with them sucked but it was better than being lonely… At least that’s what you told yourself.

It was an early Sunday morning. You thought that Dean would be either up and reading some lore or sleeping, the same with Sam. Mary and John seemed to get up to their own thing, just did what they wanted when they wanted and had no pattern of doing things so you didn’t bother to worry about them.

You headed out of your room with one goal, get Jody’s soul back no matter what the cost. You hadn’t slept all night because it’s all you could think about. You had packed a backpack of some things you knew you would need for what you were planning, you had already thought through what your excuse would be to the boys if they were up.

As you walked through to get out, you saw that Sam was sitting in the library and reading a book. “Hey, Sammy,” you greeted him as you gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Hey, where are you going?” He asked as he noticed your backpack over your shoulder.

“To meet up with Claire,” you lied right to his face. You hated lying to either of your brothers but right now you had no choice. “We’re going to try and sort things out.”

“Really?” He asked, sounding shocked and suspicious. “Isn’t it a little early?”

“We were both up all night texting. Neither of us could sleep so we said we might as well meet as soon as we can,” you lied once again. You had thought this out so perfectly, there was no way he could catch you out on your lie.

“Oh,” he replied with a genuine smile. “You need me to drop you off?”

“It’s cool,” you said with a shake of your head. “There’s a bus stop not far from here. I might be living here but I’m still trying to be independent, remember?” You joked.

Sam lightly laughed at your response. “Yeah, I remember.”

“I’ll be back by dinner so order something good,” you shouted as you started to walk off.

“Pizza again?” He shot back.

“What else would I ever ask for?” You giggled as you looked back at him, then you walked through and went up the steps. Once again the happiness faded; your mood changed because you remembered what you had to do.

Your backpack had everything you needed to summon Crowley, you hated the demon more than you hated any monster that ever existed, but it had to be done in order to get Jody’s soul back. You had prepared yourself for the worst, if it came to it you would even swap your soul to get Jody’s returned to her.

You took a long walk to the crossroads, he did, after all, used to be a crossroads demon and was now King of the Crossroads. You had learned that from your brothers when they would speak of him. Sam and Dean still had no idea that he was the one that killed your mother. Because of his involvement with the crossroad deals you figured that would be the best place to summon him.

The walk was around an hour long, you wanted it to be a bit further away so that your brothers wouldn’t be able to just drive past and see you so easily. The second that you got there you unpacked the items from your backpack and placed them on the ground. You read the spell you had gotten from a lore book in the bunker library; you ripped the page our specifically for this. You chanted the spell and lit a match before dropping it in the bowl and waiting for Crowley to appear.

“Darling,” you heard him say behind you. You stood up from where you were sitting and turned around to see him there, a smug smile on his face. “It’s probably not best that we speak here, let’s go somewhere more private,” he said and with a click of his fingers you were in a room with a throne. Crowley moved forward and sat on this throne. You stood in front of him as if you were someone serving a King. You looked behind you to see a woman with ginger hair watching you before turning back to him.

“Where the hell are we?” You demanded.

“Actual hell,” he revealed. “This is my kingdom. So, to what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Listen to me you asshole,” you snapped. “I need something back that you took.”

“Is this about your mother? I’ll be honest with you, I thought you would have come to beg for her sooner,” he admitted. “Still, calling me an asshole isn’t the way to go to convince me-”

“I’m talking about the soul of Jody Mills,” you interrupted him. “Give it back to her, ok? Break the deal. I’ll give you anything you want in return. If that means I have to die again, or give you my soul, I don’t care. Just give it back.”

“No can do, sweetheart,” he said. You clenched your jaw at his words, Dean’s nickname for you was sweetheart and to hear it come from Crowley just made your skin crawl.

“Why not?!” You screamed.

“A deal is a deal!” He shouted back as he stood from his throne. “I can’t just bloody go around giving souls back!”

“Maybe you can, Fergus,” you heard the woman from behind you say. Both yours and Crowley’s eyes shot to her. “She might not have something you want, but I do. I can give you The Book of the Damned.”

You looked back to Crowley and saw something you had never seen in him before. Fear.

“You want it don’t you?” She asked in a strong Scottish accent. “All you have to do is give one person their soul back and I’ll tell you where I’ve hidden it.”

“And what exactly will you be getting out of this, mother?” Crowley asked her with anger.

“Then I will take the girls offer,” she revealed to both of you. “You said you would do anything to get your friends soul back, right dear?”

“Yes,” you nodded. “Anything.”

“Do we have a deal or not, Fergus?” She asked her son.

“Fine,” he growled before disappearing out of the room and returning again with a scroll is his hands. He ripped it in half and you felt a sudden sharp pain in your stomach. You lifted your hands to hold what felt like a bleeding wound. Crowley clicked his fingers and the pain was gone.

“What the hell was that?!” You screamed.

“I broke the deal to return Jody’s soul,” he explained. “Since the deal was broken, it meant that you were still dead… So I fixed that too. Whatever mother wants you for, it most certainly isn’t going to work if you are dead. Now, I want the Book of the Damned.”

You were hearing everything he said, but the one thing that stuck with you was that Jody had her soul back. You felt a sudden sigh of relief but that’s all it ever was… Sudden.

Once again, a problem had been fixed with a problem. Now Jody’s soul was back to her, you had to do something for this woman and you knew that no matter what it was, it was not going to be pretty.

* * *

“Welcome to your tape, Rowena.”

Of course she’s on the tapes, Dean thought. Rowena always does like to stick her nose into everyones business, how could the boys think she would be any different with you? Dean remembered that day you came home, you lied to them and said you were visiting Claire. He remembered how you were and how you acted, if he had known it was Rowena that you had secretly gone to visit he would have made her tell him what happened.

But it seemed that he never really did push it with you. In his mind he did it because you were a teenager, still growing into an adult and he wanted to give you room to grow. He did it out of the kindness of his heart and he was worried that you had mistaken it for a lack of care.

* * *

Once things were done with Crowley, you left hell with his mother. Wow, you thought, that’s one thing I never expected I would do, leave hell with the Kings mother.

She took you to an old witch craft shop called Runes and Relics. “You’re a witch?” You asked her as you both stepped into the derelict place that hadn’t been opened for years. “And your son is-”

“It’s all very complicated, dear,” she told you as she took her coat off and hung it up on the coat hanger. “It goes back hundreds of years, back when young Fergus was born. It’s probably best not to get into it.”

“Hundreds of years?” You asked aloud by mistake. Exactly how old were they? You decided to scrap your original question by asking a new one. “You never told me your name. What is it?”

“Rowena,” she replied as she made sure the shop door was locked. Rowena spun on her heels to look at you once again. “I know who you are, Y/N. The sibling of the Winchesters… Those damned Winchesters.”

“That’s my family you’re talking about,” you defended with your arms crossed over your chest. “I don’t care how old you are, you better watch your mouth when you talk about them.”

“Oh,” she smiled with fake fear in her voice. “I do like a girl who can defend herself. Fearless, right?”

You swallowed thickly with a gentle shake of your head. “I’m not fearless.”

“You sure do seem it to me. Going all the way to hell and back, literally, to get your friends soul back no matter what you had to do in return. I think that’s very fearless… Noble, even.”

Your eyes followed her when she moved as you remembered what you originally came here for. “So what is it you want with me? You wanna torture me? Or ask me to get you something witchy?”

“I’ve been needing a volunteer for a while now,” she told you as she grabbed some things from an old, dusty cupboard. As she proceeded to unlock it, the inside showed a bunch of things you hadn’t seen before. One looked like a sword, then a small mirror and a weird cup covered in gems. There was also a jar containing ashes and another jar containing bones.

“A volunteer?” You questioned as you moved closer to look at what she was taking out of the cupboard. “For what exactly?”

“To test my magic on. Ever since I left the Grand Coven, my magic hasn’t been what it used to be. I used to create spells, now I can barely follow them from books. That’s why I needed the Book of the Damned, it had spells in there that I could work on… It made me feel more powerful,” she explained while she continued to move around the shop and pick up a bunch of weird ingredients. “But testing on a human, now that will make me much more powerful. I just need to take some of the power from your soul first, then I can use that to create more spells and make myself the strongest witch you’ve ever seen.”

“W-why couldn’t you get a volunteer?” You stuttered as your hands started shaking faintly.

“The procedure isn’t exactly painless, my dear Y/N,” she told you, her ginger hair swaying around as she moved her head to look for something. “No one in their right mind would ever want to endure that kind of pain. Taking power from your soul is excruciating, and the magic after that will probably damage you permanently.”

“You sound sympathetic,” you scoffed sarcastically. Sarcasm was your defence mechanism for when you were afraid, it’s probably why you were almost always sarcastic. You weren’t ready to go through this excruciating pain, because it wasn’t only physical. It was just another permanent damage to add to the collection of all the emotional pain you had already been through in less than a year.

“Sympathy isn’t a virtue I can afford. How do you think I’ve kept myself alive for so long?” Rowena snapped back as she placed the last item in the bowl in front of her. “Come here.”

You stepped forward like she had asked you to. Her hand hovered over the bowl in front of both of you before she began to chant a spell. The words she spoke were very distinct and powerful, it must have been in Latin or Enochian.

You took a look down and noticed that the ingredients had all mounded together and became a bright light. Before you could even ask what it was, the light was in her hand and she drove it through your chest. The feeling was unbearable to say the least, it wasn’t even able to be explained. There was nothing it could compare to. The worst part is you weren’t expecting it; it was driven through your body in a matter of seconds.

A scream erupted from your throat like no other, it was almost too unbearable for Rowena to even hear. The spell was coming to an end, it only lasted a few seconds but to you it felt like hours. She removed her hand from your chest and trapped the light into a jar. You dropped to the floor as you tried to catch your breath.

The energy you had before had completely gone, it was wiped from your body and you just felt heart broken and tired. “What did you do to me?” You questioned as tears began to surface in your eyes.

“I told you I needed energy from your soul,” she said before closing the jar and grabbing a spell book from a large book shelf. “I need it for the spell I’m going to-“

“Will I ever get it back?” You asked with a shaky voice. You reached for the table and pulled yourself up where you were met with Rowena’s eyes. “That part of my soul that you took, will it ever come back?”

She looked away from you and that said it all. She couldn’t even look at you and tell you the truth. “A soul is a pure part of a persons body, once you take a part of it, it can never be the same. I already told you dear, what I’m doing will damage you… I’m sorry but it’s what we made the deal for, remember?”

“So I’m never going to stop feeling like this?” You questioned; her eyes still refused to meet yours. “Rowena!”

“You’ll learn to deal with it,” she said in a calm voice, though you could tell she was growing angry because of your attitude. “You signed up for this, this was your choice.”

You just sighed at her words, speaking would have only made you want to cry even more than you already did. Why did you always have to bottle up your emotions? Even when part of your soul had literally been ripped from your body, you had to hold it in and be strong. But why? Who were you impressing or helping by being strong all the time? Yourself? Your brothers?

You had felt pain before this, especially after what you had been put through in your life. You had been hurt by the people you loved, even the ones you never expected to turn on you. Now, feeling like this was normal to you and you were beginning to lose your mind. You thought that maybe you couldn’t handle it so much that really, maybe even ending it yourself would be the way to go…

You spent around 6 more hours with Rowena where she practised her magic on you. It didn’t only physically hurt, but some of the spells forced you to relive dark memories.

You had flashbacks of your mothers death and your hands being covered in blood. You remembered how it felt when John hit you and told you to leave, how unloved and unwanted you felt to because of your own father. You recalled what Mary had said to you, and how Claire betrayed your trust when she was all you had left…

Finally, at the end, you were in a dark room. You were alone. “Hello?” You shouted, but there was no answer. You turned to look at the noise you heard behind you. It was your brothers, both of them sitting on chairs and facing each other. Their expressions were blank, they didn’t even speak to each other. You slowly stepped forward. “Sam? Dean?”

“Why is she here?” Dean asked Sam. Their eyes stayed on each other, neither of them moving to look at you.

“It’s not like we need her. We were happy before we met her,” Sam replied to his brother.

“What?” You asked as you stopped walking towards them and just listened to what they had to say.

“She gets in our way, she sleeps with the enemy, she even tells our dad she can’t forgive him when she’s the real reason he left her,” Dean recalled. “Why would we love her? She’s a problem.”

“Why should we?” Sam shot back. “Y/N is miserable, we all know it. She lies to us and pretends she’s okay because she knows that we will make her leave if she bothers us too much.”

“This isn’t real,” you said with a shake of your head. “You’re not real! My brothers love me.”

“Oh, Y/N,” Sam smiled sinisterly as both their heads turned to look at you at the same time. “This is in your head, so these are your thoughts. We’re just saying how you think we feel about you.”

“It’s not our fault, it’s yours.”

“Shut up!” You screamed as you charged towards them but before you could even start moving, you woke up and sat abruptly. Your breathing had become heavier once again, your chest felt pressure against it, but then you remembered it was just the fact that some of your soul had been taken from you. “Rowena,” you said with a small voice as you gripped your chest with one hand. “I don’t- I don’t know how much more I can take.”

“That was the last spell,” she told you coldly. At first she seemed to have some kind of a heart, you thought that maybe, there was a very small chance that she would have let you off easily. You were wrong, of course. She went through with those hours and hours of excruciatingly painful procedures and spells where she stabbed you and hurt you and took a part of your soul away. “You’re done for now. You got what you wanted and so did I… My powers should be much stronger now.”

“How do I get home?” You asked as you climbed of the table with wobbly legs. You had to grip your sore hands tightly onto the wooden surface to keep yourself up.

“I told you, I’m done with you. Whatever happens to you now is your problem, keep it that way or Jody’s soul will be taken again,” she warned. You would have protested about everything you just had to do for her, but you didn’t have enough energy. You had to put whatever energy you had left into walking to a bus stop and getting back to the bunker.

* * *

“You had put me through so much, you knew exactly how painful it was. I was sure that you could even see how I felt about my brothers; how I thought they felt about me. None of it mattered to you, Rowena. You got what you wanted and you left me. I didn’t care enough about you for the fact that you left me to hurt, but being left was becoming a pattern for people and it made me realise that maybe it was me that was the problem. That feeling of you leaving me was nothing compared to how you hurt me while doing those spells. You took a part of my soul… It’s gone. Forever. I couldn’t live with that, having to move on with my life after what you had put me through in those six hours was something I didn’t believe possible. You left a scar on my heart, it damaged me mentally and made me struggle to see any kind of light at the end of the tunnel. That’s why you’re one of the reasons why… One of the reasons that I can’t continue living.”

Once again it made that click noise just as it did at the end of every tape. And once again, your big brother was left damaged and felt as if a part of his soul had also been ripped out.

Dean wiped his face with his hands but failed to dry it completely. He remembered that day perfectly, he remembered you coming home and looking and him and Sam. Jody called them and said she was worried about you, they ended up asking about you meeting with Claire and she said that Claire was with her… She hadn’t left the house all day.

He recalled that he hadn’t pushed you enough to tell him where you really were, he thought that maybe if he had tried… Maybe if he wasn’t so worried that you would get mad and leave again… Then maybe you would still be here.

* * *

You were able to make your way to a bus stop and get off at the closest stop near the bunker. On your way back you text Jody and said ‘it’s been done. Your soul is back.’ She text you back multiple times and tried to call you but you ignored her calls.

You were too tired, all you wanted to do was get back to the bunker and sleep. The only thing was that it seemed as if this was the kind of tired that sleep wouldn’t be able to fix.

Your eyes were still red and puffy from how much you had cried through the whole thing. The tears were still welling up, making your eyes look glassy and sad. The bus driver had even asked you if you were okay or if he needed to call anyone; you lied and told him you were fine. That was becoming a very common lie for you to tell.

Stupidly, you had hoped that Sam and Dean wouldn’t be in the library when you came back. You walked through and saw them both sitting there, they were waiting for you to return. “Look, whatever it is you want to scream at me for it can wait, ok? Now is not the time.”

Their eyes softened as they looked at you. You hadn’t even noticed that there was blood in your hairline and scratches on your cheeks. Your brothers did. It was the first thing they saw when you came in, followed by the tears in your sore eyes. “What happened to you?”

You took a seat in the library; your legs were still barely able to hold you up. “We know that you didn’t go and meet Claire.”

“It doesn’t matter where I was,” you cried, you couldn’t help but to let the tears fall. “Nothing can change what happened.”

“You’re gonna be okay,” Dean promised.

You shook your head. “I won’t. I can’t be, not after this.”

“It didn’t kill you,” Sam said as a way to try and convince you that the worst thing didn’t happen.

“I wish it did,” you replied with a broken voice. “I don’t want to be here anymore. The way I feel, every day, it-it’s killing me inside.”

“Don’t talk like that!” Dean demanded with a harsh voice which made you flinch. He sighed as he let his voice become calm again. “Whatever it is, you can get through it. You’re strong, Y/N, and you don’t have to do this alone.“

You couldn’t tell your brothers what really happened because of what Rowena had said. If you told them and she found out, then she could make sure that Crowley took Jody’s soul again and everything you went through would have been for nothing.

“I’m tired,” you told them coldly. “I’m gonna go to bed.”

“Y/N-”

“Goodnight,” you interrupted and walked off before they could ask anymore questions. Deep down, you really wanted them to follow you and ask what was wrong. You were screaming in your mind for someone to just care enough to follow you and demand that you tell the truth… But no one ever did.

* * *

Dean knew that he would never forgive himself for not pushing you to tell him and Sam the truth; he knew you were just like him so he thought that you would find it better to get through it alone. You just needed time, he told himself. Little did he know that your time was running out.

He was distracted from his thoughts when he heard a knock at his bedroom door. He removed the headphones and said, “come in.”

“Hey,” Mary smiled. “Are you ok, sweetie?”

“I’ve been better,” he said truthfully. “But I’m powering through… What did you want?”

“Your dad and I found a hunt, thought you and Sam would want to come along?”

“All four of us on a hunt?” He questioned. “That’s a little, strange. Why would all of us go?”

Mary sighed. “The case isn’t a monster that’s been killing random people… Hunters have been dying non stop for the past few days.”

Now Dean understood what she was saying. “The Brits?”

“We think it’s best if we all go,” Mary replied. “It’s an all hands on deck kind of situation. I think we’re gonna have to check it out for ourselves before we get any other hunters involved.”

“Ok,” Dean nodded. “Let me just pack some stuff and I’ll be right there.”

As Mary left the room, Dean packed tape 9 and a few weapons into a duffel bag, ready to hit the road with his family… If only you were here too. As much as he wished for it, it couldn’t happen so he just had to keep listening to the tapes to find out the truth about the reasons why you did it.

As he climbed into the car, with John driving and himself riding shotgun, his dad looked at everyone and said, “you ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Dean replied as he thought about tape 9. “I have to be.”

4 years // For you || Dan Howell

A/N: I wrote this imagine a really long time ago (before i even had this blog). I think it’s one of the best imagines I have ever written, mainly because it means a lot to me. 

Word Count: 2.3K

POV: Reader

MASTERLIST // PART TWO // PART THREE // PART FOUR // PART FIVE // PART SIX  // PART SIX // PART SEVEN // PART EIGHT

Originally posted by arcticlester

“What are you watching ?” I asked, as I plopped down on the sofa next to him.

He looked up from his laptop screen and revealed a young black haired boy.

“His name is Amazingphil, he’s a Youtuber that I newly discovered. We have so much in common! I bet he’s the coolest guy ever.” Dan started to fanboy as his eyes sparkled with admiration.

Dan decided to show me all of this young guy’s videos while I rested my head against his shoulder. That was one of the things that I loved the most about my boyfriend of a nearly year, he could get so excited about things and people. He was so passionate about what he loved.

 1 week later

Dan and I had just finished high school and spent an awesome summer together. Dan was going to Manchester to study law soon and I still had to decide what to do with my life. But I’m afraid that my decision is now even harder than it was a week ago…

“I finally finished packing all my stuff, we can do whatever we want now” Dan exclaimed happily as his head appeared in the door.

He walked into the room and wrapped his long arms around my body. My head only reached his chin so I buried it into his warm chest.

“You know what I meant when I said ‘do whatever we want’ ” Dan seductively whispered in my ear.

His hands started sensually travelling up my spine. His warm lips had found their way to my neck and he started sucking on my sweet spot. I closed my eyes at the sensation and nearly gave in, but I couldn’t.  

I quickly broke away from his touch. It had cost me all will power I had.

“We need to talk” I blurted out, unable to keep it to myself any longer.

I gestured for him to sit down on the bed. He worriedly looked at me. Have the words ‘we need to talk’ ever meant something good? I don’t think so.

I looked into his chocolate brown eyes and placed my hands into his. It took me a while to force my mouth to say what he needed to know. My heart was not beating anymore it was racing.

“Dan, I’m pregnant”

It was difficult to say that without starting to cry or stutter. And I felt like those words, were the most powerful words that I had ever spoken. They didn’t just mean that there was a human being growing inside of my stomach right now. No, it also meant that our lives were going to change drastically.

His eyes widened in shock.

“W-HAT?!” he shouted. He rarely shouts. I tried to remain calm.

“I checked twice, definitely positive.”

“Wait..NO! You can’t be pregnant. Not now.” he jumped up from the bed. I didn’t know how I had expected him to react but definitely not like this. I was aware of the fact that he wasn’t going to be jumping around with joy but being angry with me was the wrong reaction.

“You are 18, that’s way too young. We want to go to university. You can’t have a baby, okay? I don’t want it.”

Those words lingered in the air. They seemed to echo from the walls. It was like everything I could hear sounded like 'I don’t want it’.

 I always thought that no matter what he’d be there for me. And he always was, until now. Now that I needed him the most. His slender figure stood in front of me but my vision was blurry. His cheeks were red and his expression was angry. I eyed him and instead of seeing my beloved boyfriend, I saw a monster.

That was not the Dan I knew and loved.  I didn’t want to lose control over the situation but I couldn’t stop myself from getting angry.

“Who do you think you are to decide what I’m gonna do with my baby?!”

If he had reacted differently, I would have said ‘our’. But as soon as he said 'I don’t want it’ it wasn’t our baby anymore, it was my baby.

With those words he lost the right to ever call it his. To ever call him the father of my child. Tears were streaming down my pale face and I couldn’t believe that I had thought, that we were going to raise a child together. I just lost the future with Dan. And got a future as a single mum.

I nearly heard something inside me shatter and for a short second I was so overwhelmed by emotional pain, that my vision got black and I was close to throwing up. I grabbed the bedpost and my fingernails dug into the light wood.

I just sat there and cried for a few minutes while Dan just watched. He stood there and watched me cry instead of holding me close, instead of telling me that everything was going to be alright.

But I had to be strong. Not for myself but for the tiny thing that was growing inside of my stomach. I had to be strong because one day that tiny thing would call mum. I regained strength and tried to stop crying.  

“I won’t fucking kill my son or daughter just because you are afraid of taking responsibility. I know I’m young and that it won’t be easy to do this on my own. But I do not need you. And the baby doesn’t need you either.” I clearly said while I evilly glared at him.

 Those were the last words that I ever spoke to him at least that was what I thought.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

4 years later 

It’s been five years and no matter how hard it was, I finally made it. I thought it was hard managing my university life during my pregnancy but it got only harder once the baby was here. As soon as I said those last words to Dan I packed my bags and moved back to my parents.

No goodbyes, nothing.

I honestly wouldn’t have known what to do without my parents. They helped me with everything and looked after my beautiful son while I was at uni or at work.

It was going great and I thought that I had finally figured everything out but that was until Luke turned 4.

And now I was on the way from Leeds to London to search for the one person that I never wanted to see for the rest of my life.

I haven’t heard of him since I left. If I had had a miscarriage he wouldn’t know. If I had died during giving birth, he wouldn’t know. He didn’t even know whether it was a boy or girl. I obviously knew a bit about him though.

It’s hard not to, since he was now such a successful Youtube celebrity. It’s funny how he was actually living together with the guy whose videos he showed me when we were 18.

I sometimes caught myself starring at his Youtube channel, but I have never dared to click on one of his videos. I wouldn’t bear seeing him. Sometimes it’s even hard for me to look at my son, since he looks like the mini version of him with lighter hair.

A monotonic voice announced that we had reached the underground station that I had to get off at.

I walked up the dirty stairs and after checking the directions I got on another bus. I hadn’t been in London for ages and just realized how much I had missed this beautiful place. I got off three stations later and started searching for the address that I was given.

As I passed the numbered houses and got closer to the one that I was searching for, my stomach was tied into a knot and I was seconds away from vomiting into Dan’s plants next to the his red front door.

I stared at the closed entrance for almost five minutes until I gathered the strength to ring the doorbell. I waited and while I hoped that nobody would answer I prayed that this was the right address and that I’d found him.

I nervously bit my bottom lip as the door opened. I immediately recognized the black haired boy. His hair was shorter and less emo but overall he hadn’t changed too much.

I wasn’t sure if Dan had mentioned my existence. I knew that he hadn’t told his fans.

“Hi, my name is Y/N. I’m Dan’s ex-girlfriend and I really need to see him.” I stuttered.

He looked at me with kind blue eyes and shortly after he introduced himself as Phil he guided me up the stairs.

As he saw that my hands were shaking he eyed me worriedly. Although I had already planned what to say a million times and imagined how this situation might go, I was still fatally nervous.

“Who is it ?” I heard somebody call. Phil opened the white door in front of us for me and without him following I entered the room.

The door fell shut, I heard Phil’s footsteps on the floor and then I saw him.

He was drinking coffee and reading the newspaper in the lounge. He looked up from the white pages as he saw me. A confused expression appeared on his still beautiful face. The 18 year old boy that I had left 5 years ago had turned into a man. He wasn’t slender anymore and his arms didn’t look like they were too large for his body. He got rid of his long hair just like his friend Phil. Although I loved his fringe I had to admit that this hair cut suited him very well.

“Y/N?” He asked as soon as he had recognized my face.

I had planned this on the train, tube and bus and now that it was happening I was speechless and my mouth wouldn’t open. I just nervously stood there feeling like the dumbest person in the entire world in the middle of his lounge.

'Why is he so damn beautiful’ I cried to myself.

“Why don’t you sit down” he asked politely. “Do you want some coffee or tea?”

 2 minutes later he returned from the kitchen and placed a cup of hot breakfast tea in front of me.

“So…” he started. “ How uhm- what happened after you left?”

“I moved back to my parents”

“Leeds, right?”

“Yeah”

“And the..”

“His name is Luke” I simply stated just to see his reaction.

He swallowed hard. “It’s a boy” he breathed and his eyes got watery.

I nodded looking away. Minutes of silence followed in which Dan tried to comprehend that there was an actual human being out there that shared his DNA.

“Do you need money, I thought you’d come sooner or later.”

“Money!? wait- what ..– no.” I said irritated.

“Okay, I get that you are probably asking yourself why I am here since you thought that you’d never see me again. To be honest Dan, I really wanted to never see you again. The person that left me alone, pregnant at 18.”

I swallowed hard but continued with a strong voice.

“I look at Luke and remember that you didn’t want him to survive. Luke looks so much like you and he doesn’t even know because he has never seen has biological father. “

Dan looked down, a hint of shame and regret surrounded him.

“When I come home from work at 10 pm he crawls into my bed and asks me where you are and why you aren’t here. And every time he asks me I don’t know what to say. Should I tell him that his father is gone because he exists? Should I tell him his father left because he didn’t want to be his dad?”

Dan slightly shook his head as if he were disagreeing, probably disappointed by his past self.

“Every time he asks who you are, I close the laptop tab that I had opened your Youtube channel in because if he saw your videos he’d want to see you in real life. And I would have to hear your voice while he stares at the screen.”

I heard my voice getting weaker, but there was still something to be said.

“When the doctors told us that Luke needed suitable stem cells after his chemotherapy in order to survive he asked me if he was going to be alright again and once again I didn’t know what to say.”

Dan’s lowered head snapped up as his eyes met mine and they were full of shock and horror.

“Every night I pray that the right someone would donate his or her stem cells that can be used for my little angel. Then this morning the doctor called me into his office to tell me that he checked the data and found out that Luke’s father could be a possible donor. And all I could think about was that I shouted 'the baby doesn’t need you’ in your face the last time we spoke.”

My voice broke as my whole body was shaking.

“Right now my 4 years old son is lying in a hospital bed and the only person that can save his life is the one that I’d still be together with if I had already ‘killed’ him 5 years ago.”

Dan’s expression spoke of unbelievable pain and every word that left my mouth was like another hit. There were tears in both of our eyes.

“And when Luke asked me where I was going today as I left his side at 4 in the morning to get here I answered : I’m going to get dad.”

Safe (Peter Parker x reader)

summary: you deserve someone like peter, who will always keep you safe

warnings: mentions/signs of abuse

words: 1.4k

pairings: peter parker x reader

prompt: 13, “I won’t let anyone hurt you, you’re safe with me,” 49, “Who hurt you?” and 85, “Don’t lie to me,” from this prompt list

a/n: the numbers above were provided by a lovely anonymous request:) this is a tough topic so i tried to write this as accurately and as sensitively as i could. much love❤️


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anonymous asked:

Do you think either Shiro or Keith would exhibit strong jealousy vibes in certain situations?

In canon? I honestly don’t think so. I do think they’d both be very overprotective though. Like, if we’re talking about Keith and Shiro being jealous over each other’s love interests, I wouldn’t say it’s jealousy, really. Just a lot of concern and fierce protective instincts. Keith’s said before, “Shiro is the one person who never gave up on me. I won’t give up on him,” and “Instead of accepting people into my life, I push them away. Before they reject me. I guess…I have some walls up.”

So Shiro knows Keith has those walls up, has difficulty opening up to others and letting them in. I think if Keith were ever to throw himself into a relationship, Shiro would have good reason to worry. So many people have left Keith behind already, and it’s clear he has abandonment issues. Shiro wouldn’t want to see him get hurt again, and I can imagine him pulling Keith aside and checking in to make sure he’s okay. 

This is also because, while Shiro actually has a strong self-preservation instinct, Keith is self-destructive and quick to tear himself up for someone else’s sake. Not that Shiro isn’t one to martyr himself to save the people he loves, because he is. But Keith gets incredibly attached to someone or something with a single-minded clarity that can blot out all else. If he really truly lets someone in, he’ll remain undyingly loyal. And especially considering how badly Keith wants someone to care, I can see Shiro being worried that Keith could put himself in a very vulnerable position if he were to enter a relationship with that mindset. Like, if the other person’s intentions weren’t wholly pure, it can be pretty easy for them to take advantage. 

This isn’t to say that Keith can’t make decisions on his own or that he’s typically suceptible to manipulation. Because he’s not. His strong will is one of his most characteristic qualities. But we see clearly from his BOM trial that his reckless abandon for his own circumstances and willingness to sacrifice everything for someone he’s grown close to–hello Shiro–it’s incredibly dangerous. If Shiro were more like his Holo self–crueler, more manipulative, holding things over Keith’s head and threatening to abandon him if Keith didn’t adhere to his demands–then Keith would be in a very bad place. Because, you know what? He’d do it. He was willing to chase after Shiro, to give up on his past and sacrifice his own sense of identity if Shiro would just stay. That says a lot. 

Fortunately, Shiro cares for him deeply and sees them as being on level ground, unlike his Holo self. But again, if Keith were to feel that same degree of “desperate” intensity for someone else that he held for Shiro (and I don’t think he ever will, but let’s assume) then they could seriously hurt Keith. Not everyone is going to be as unconditionally loving and supportive as Shiro. 

And on the other end of the spectrum, I think Keith feels just as responsible for Shiro. Shiro’s safety is nearly always his first concern, and he’s incredibly transparent about it. And because he’s more jaded when it comes to relationships, I think he’d be skeptical about someone’s intentions if they got too close to Shiro–particularly if it wasn’t someone Keith knew well. (If it was someone he’s known for a while though, I think that’d be a different story and he’d probably be more open to it). But either way, I think Keith would very much keep an eye out for Shiro. 

If Shiro were to choose another partner that Keith realized intended no harm, then I think he’d completely respect Shiro’s wishes. But I still believe he’d carry a torch for Shiro and be unable to move on himself. He might feel very melancholy over it, but I don’t think he’d ever blame Shiro or his partner. So not jealousy really, but a lot of heartbreak definitely. He’d probably just bury his feelings and force a smile and tell Shiro he’s happy for him. 

In general, I feel like these two are both very self-sacrificing and quick to put others’ desires above their own. They’d both want their loved one to be happy, even if that happiness was found with someone else. So neither really strikes me as the jealous type 

My thoughts and opinions on Xenoblade Chronicles 2 thus far.

The game’s only about a month and a half away from being released, and Super Mario Odyssey releases in just about a week. These are two of my most anticipated games for the Switch. Now, it’s pretty obvious that nearly everyone’s really excited for Odyssey. 

But as for Xenoblade 2…not so much. 

From the artstyle, and character designs, and the voice acting…lots of fans and gamers alike are pretty much giving it The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker treatment. From Youtube comments, social media sites, and game message boards…many fans weren’t happy with it. I was one of those people when the game was first announced. I kinda thought the artstyle looked way too generic, anime, and similar as to games like Tales of Berseria.

However, I did some research and mostly figured out as to why Xenoblade 2 looks the way it does. In the most recent interview with Monolithsoft director/writer, Tetsuya Takahashi said a couple of things as the reason he chose the direction he made with the game.

The Tone:


Let’s start with the overall tone of the story. No doubt that the bright and cheery look of the game has thrown off many people into thinking the plot will be “kiddy” or “generic, shonen, harem, fanservice, etc.” trash. All Xeno games up to this point has stories that were more serious, dark, and adult themed. This here ties in with what Takahashi has to say:


“A young adult story with a taste of boy-meets-girl. Lately it feels like all I’ve been doing are games full of devastation, like where your hometown burns down at the start, or the spaceship you’re riding crashes (oh wait, that is all I ever do). Sometimes I just wanna try something different! I’ll leave the stories about the solemn old men and stylish hot guys to someone else (even though there’s way more demand for that stuff), and go ahead with this.”

“ I want to make something that people can look back on fondly one day as something that really shaped their lives. Something like what I loved as a boy, like Oliver! (by Carol Reed) and Galaxy Express 999 (by Rintaro). — That’s why I started working on this game. “


So it seemed that Takahashi wanted to try his hands on making a more light-hearted, character-driven plot. Which mostly explains the more brighter tone of Xenoblade 2. He draws inspiration from this due to some young adult/coming-of-age books and films he experienced as a kid. Mostly in his case, the 1968 musical, family drama film Oliver!, and the 1977 adventure, space western anime Galaxy Express 999.

In addition, we’ve been getting quite a few JRPGs this year in the similar tones that Takahashi mentioned. 

While it would be nice to have Xenoblade 2 following this trend, I can kinda understand where Takahashi’s coming from. As someone inspiring to become a writer myself, making the different story with the same tone and setting can be tiresome. Sometimes the creators just wanna to go with something different. even if their fans won’t like it.Plus, making original stories in this day and age is pretty hard to do. 


People who’ve read tons of books, watched a lot of story-driven cartoons, movies,or anime, or even play many plot-heavy video games for years already know so many tropes and cliches these days. Writers have to borrow some old tropes from movies and such from the past, and figure out ways to add a unique twist to it. Sometimes it succeeds, while other times it fails. And this is pretty much the similar route Takahashi’s going with.


Sure the story might end up being “shonen,” but knowing the guy…I’m sure the story might end up being good. I can’t say for certain why, but I do have some faith in him. Speaking of such, let me explain the next thing many people have against Xenoblade 2.


The Artstyle/Characters:


If it’s no surprise, Xenoblade 2 has a cast of a mostly kids group instead of young adult and such. Which sets a lot of people off, and makes them think that the cast might not be as likable. Especially the main character, Rex himself. And no, this isn’t about his pants. No matter how ridiculous they seem.

Many gamers nowadays come to conclusions that having a young kid or teenager as the protagonist is a sign of something bad. Mostly due to the fact that they might be whiny, bratty, or angsty. But before I dive deeper into this topic, let me talk the main character of the original Xenoblade, Shulk.

There was a time in JRPGs last gen where many main characters would end up being too unlikeable. They were either very one-dimenional, oblivious, annoying, idiotic, cowardly, or overly negative with zero character development. Takahashi’s goal for Shulk was to make a more likable and relatable protagonist than in most JRPGs. He was originally going to be a silent protagonist, but Takahashi rejected that idea. 


He figured in order to make Shulk a more likeable protagonist, Takahashi tried giving Shulk a bit more of positive interactions and words of encouragement, especially in battle. Takahashi tried to make Shulk react much like he thought players would react to the scenarios. This was followed by giving him a bit more of a intelligent personality so he could interact with the world and characters better. Takahashi even took advantage of getting feedback from the Super Mario Club, whose assured that his intake for Shulk was positive.


Unfortunately, Shulk’s character got mixed reception from game reviewers. Some saying that he was pretty darn enjoyable with a fantastic voice actor and character growth, while others saying that he was rather “a  vanilla, personality-less, unequivocally bland warrior” who “makes other JRPG heroes look like Marlon friggin’ Brando.


However, Shulk does get pretty great responses from the fandom these days. Mostly getting praise for not being an idiotic, whiny brat, or some emo-ish ultra hot obnoxious macho man…who’s very mature, intelligent, and quick-to-the-bone instead.


For the most part, I’m one of those people as well. While Shulk may have seem bland or generic form an outside stand point, playing the game for myself, I was actually surprised by how likable and down-to-earth Shulk was. His interactions with some of the cast was nice as well. For example, with Reyn, him and Shulk felt like real close friends. Brothers even. With Dunban, Shulk looked up to him as a mentor and a hero. Dickson also felt like a father figure to him. Shulk wan’t just some one-dimensional character…he felt like a real person. This, lead by his incredible voice acting, made Shulk one of my favorite JRPG protagonist of all time.


It’s just too bad the Super Smash Bros. version of himself gets a bad rep.


Now where was I…? 

Oh yeah, Rex.


Now it’s no surprise that compared to the more mature/older main characters from the previous games, Shulk and Elma, many people think Rex will probably be some annoying, bratty, angst kid like I said. And as I said before, this is the issue people have with making a kid as the protagonist in JRPGs nowadays.


Although, thinking about what Takahashi said about trying to make Shulk a likable protagonist, I think I can see Rex being handled in a similar manner. For a better example of a kid protagonist done right, Oliver from Ni No Kuni is one of them.

Some of the things I liked about Oliver was his honesty, determination, courage, kindness, strong sense of justice, and character development. He never strikes me as the whiny/bratty type when I got deeper into the game. He stroked me as a brave and sweet kid. And while he may not be the best JRPG protagonist out there, I really did like how his personality and character was handled, especially for someone his age.



I think I could see Rex being as well-developed in a similar way, especially with Takahashi saying that he’s a lot more mature than people let on. But only time can tell how Rex’s character will be handled, since we know very little about him.


Speaking of characters, let’s talk about the artstyle. 

This is the major thing Xenoblade 2 gets a lot of flack about. Compared to the more realistic styles from Xenoblade 1 and X, going to a more “childish” anime look was a major kneejerk to a lot of fans. It’s no surprise that a lot of JRPGs these days are going in for more anime-esque artstyle to gain popularity, which is getting a lot of negative response. Fire Emblem Awakening and Fates being prime examples of this.

It’s no surprise to the older side of the FE fandom out there that the reasons Awakening and Fates get so much popularity is due to the fact that the games went in a more anime-ish approach with the characters and story, while making the games easier for newcomers to play…this choice made the veterans real upset about the direction the series has been going in lately.

And despite Shadows of Valentia going for a more classic approach with the characters and story, the gameplay and lack of many support conversations made the game not sell as much as the previous titles.


The anime artstyle approach that Xenoblade 2′s going with is making the fandom feel the same way. However Takahashi had this to say about the  artstyle change:


“Targeting a wider audience was one of our goals but we wanted to make it to where the characters had more facial expressions. Masatsugu Saito’s character design is a way to make the protagonists more expressive.”


For those of you who don’t know Masatsugu Saito, he was the guy that did the animation for the CGI anime film, Escape From Paradise.


As far as video game designs, I think he only did one character design for Fire Emblem Awkening, which was Celica.

Not sure if this counts, but I believe this is the first time he’s designed characters in a video game. 


Many see this a negative thing, but I think the reason Takahashi chose Saito was probably for the eyes.

In most games, using cel-shading artstyle can be a way to make the character a lot more expressive. Which I think might be a good thing, because if you can recall in Xenoblade X, the characters expression in cut-scenes mostly stayed the same. 


This was a major issue lots of fans and myself had with this game. While there were cinematic cut-scenes, the characters mostly had expressions like this 75% of the time, compared to how much more expressions there were in Xenoblade 1. Now don’t get me wrong, I love the characters in X, I was just mostly disappointed in the lack more expressions in the cut-scenes. And the more realistic visuals, heavy focus of exploration with the lack of a proper main story were probably to blame for this.

Whereas in Xenoblade 2, the characters show more a lot more expressions. The eyes and the artstyle help this out for the most part. 

Visuals also getting improvements for not just the lighting and shading, but also for the facial expressions. While this may not change a lot of minds about how they feel with the art direction in the game…let me show another game that’s gone though a similar processes.


The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker.


This is a game that received a massive amount of negativity for a reason.

Before Wind Waker was announced, Nintendo showed a tech demo in 2000 about how a Zelda game would look on the GCN. This was something Zelda fans were excited for the realistic look. It was every OOT/MM fan’s dreams…but alas…they’re hopes and reams were crushed when Nintendo showed…


This.

The Wind Waker’s cartoony artstyle made Zelda fans cry and scream in rage like never before. Everyone thought that Nintendo was losing their touch. Of course, despite the positive reviews the game got, hardcore Zelda lovers still weren’t interested. Of course, over 10 yeard from now, many people now consider the game to be an ageless classic despite some gamers still not a fan of the artystyle


Later in the years after Wind Waker was out, fans rejoiced when Nintendo announced the more realistic The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.


While I enjoy both The Wind Waker and Twilight Princess for different reasons, and I promise this isn’t a WW vs. TP debate, I will say there is one aspect I loved in The Wind Waker more:


Toon Link’s facial expressions. 


This easily is one of the reasons why I love this version of Link. Nintendo chose this artstyle to a similar reason of Takahashi’s, to make the characters more expressive. And they nailed it. Even without any dialogue, Toon Link’s face would speak for itself. I could tell if Link was happy, sad, scared, shocked, meme worthy, or even annoyed just by his facial expressions alone. They couldn’t have done something like this in a more realistic artstyle as much.


And this is the same thing with Xenoblade 2. Had they used a more realistic style, the characters wouldn’t be as expressive. Do I still think Monolith Soft could’ve went with a different artstyle? Yes, but now I understand why they went with this style.


TL;DR 


I’m really hoping people will give Xenoblade 2 a chance, instead of giving it The Wind Waker treatment. Yes, the graphics and character designs aren’t the best…but honesty, did the previous Xenoblade games get any praise though for those similar issues?

C’mon now…let’s be real here…

But hey, at least Xenoblade 2 still follows the trend of having some freaking gorgeous environments. Combine that with the gameplay and music, and I’m cautiously optimistic for this game along with Super Mario Odyssey. Don’t let me down, Monolith!


Additional Notice:

Also..the cutscenes in this game look freaking awesome.

6

4. DARUK’S METTLE

Yeah! I think I’m finally getting the hang of controlling this Divine Beast! I tell you what… sure is a blast piloting a toy like this around. Let those other Champions know, they better eat their gravel if they wanna keep up with Daruk. Speaking of which, can you believe this view? Just look at those delectable rocks sprinkled on those mountains… Mighty tasty. I may not know a whole lot about this Calamity Ganon thing… but mark my words, I’ll protect this land of ours to the death! Right, little guy? Hey, by the way… congrats on becoming the princess’s appointed knight. That’s a really big deal! Protecting the king’s daughter… no pressure. Seriously, though. The princess is a strong personality- so strong she can’t quite see the range for the peaks. Remember that, and you’ll be fine. What the-? All right, so what was I saying… That was a little strange… As far as I know, Death Mountain has been quiet for decades. But if the mountain is shivering enough to send down a bunch of boulders that size, then- Never mind. Forget I said anything.

Long Distance (Chapter Six)

Oh my god you guys, the fluff in this chapter is ridiculous. I mean honestly, we’ve basically lost any semblance of a plot and the three of them spend all their time texting and video-ing and it’s so fluffy oh my god.

Can’t wait to hear what you guys think lol

All the AMAZING ART for this chapter provided by my darling @latelierderiot​. I love her and you guys should too. Click on the links in the fic to see the pics, otherwise visit her page!!!!

ADDITIONAL CHAPTERS HERE

Enjoy :)
****************

{Group Chat}

From Bucky– Tony honey sorry I missed our video call this morning, had to be up early to help get the team on the road

From Tony– they don’t take you with them on the road? But who keeps the boys from eating cheeseburgers and getting fat instead of working out

From Steve– sweetheart, bucky is usually the one bringing the cheeseburgers. That’s why they don’t take him on trips anymore

From Bucky– I resent that. Anyway, babe just wanted to check in, I know you have a busy day today.

From Tony– not too busy to text you guys, no worries

From Bucky– that’s great. I was going to text you all day whether you were busy or not

*******************
From Tony– stuck in the office all day. Tried that new mocha mint drink from the coffee shop down the street and spilt it down the front of myself. Don’t have any extra clothes, so I get to sit in my office all day until everyone leaves.

From Steve– honey that’s awful! Can’t Pepper bring you a shirt?

From Bucky– I can’t stop laughing

From Tony– bucky you’re an ass

From Steve– bucky you’re an ass

********************
From Steve– spending the day grading, no classes so I’ve got to get caught up

From Tony– that sucks, artist man. You definitely need to find something better to do with your time.

From Steve– why don’t you send me a picture Tony, maybe that will give me something better to do

From Tony– oh my professor. Should I wear my glasses and tie?

From Steve– oh honey, yes please

From Bucky– hey guys maybe take it off group chat if you’re going to start talking gross

From Tony– you don’t want a picture of me in a school uniform Bucky? My feelings are hurt.

From Bucky– does the school uniform include a plaid miniskirt? Cuz I’m on board for that

From Steve– Bucky! Omg Tony ignore him.

From Tony– I am completely scandalized right now. Scandalized and horrified. Who are these boys I’m texting? Deviants.

From Steve–…. On second thought, I don’t hate the skirt idea

From Bucky– hell yeah!

From Tony– wtf you two
********************

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Lana Del Rey - Grazia (France) - July 2017

A rough translation of the Grazia interview, which was originally translated in French so a few things might have been lost in the process.

Interviewer: When did you start working on this new album [Lust For Life]?

Lana Del Rey: The day I finished the last one, Honeymoon. It must have been in August, two years ago. I was happy I had recorded an album which has more rock vibes, Ultraviolence, and then one with more blues, one which is sadder, Honeymoon. I felt like I needed to go back to the 60’s and the 70’s, with more pop inclinations. I thought about the Shangri-Las, their harmonies, their playful spirit. Then, after achieving the three quarters of the record, I also felt like doing something more folk, deeper in my heart. I had Joni Mitchell’s Court and Spark in mind. Eventually, I listened to a lot of the Beatles and that’s why I asked Sean Lennon (Yoko and John Lennon’s only son) to sing with me. This is why this album, unlike the others, had more shifts and switches.

Int: You change perspective, points of view?

LDR: Exactly. I grow up with my records, I feel a shift inside and I try to do a chronicle of it. Earlier today, I was listening to one of my tracks, Beautiful People, and words like “blood” or “planet” struck me: I had never used them before. I feel like I’m seeing things with more distance, without completely detaching myself from it. I’m happy about that.

Int: You talk about Joni Mitchell. What do you borrow from her?

LDR: Her way of telling stories. How she expresses her inwardness and the dialogues she has with herself. I like the fact that she was a painter but she couldn’t help but become a musician. And then, I love the region of Laurel Canyon. With my friends, Jonathan Wilson and Father John Misty, we established a true musical community, sort of like the one Joni and her friends had.

Int: Honeymoon was a bit cathartic. It ended with a cover of Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood, like the full stop of something. Was there a new beginning after it?

LDR: I liked the idea of doing a Nina Simone cover and more specifically this song and its message; I often hoped not to be misunderstood, while not knowing what to do to avoid it. This last year, I realized that people judge me for the wrong reasons. They prejudge me a lot. It took me seven years to learn how to deal with it. There were frustrating moments, obviously, especially after the first album. Afterwards, it didn’t really matter anymore.

Int: Do you feel lonely? Have you ever felt the need to be guided?

LDR: I have, I didn’t know what it was like to be guided. But during the past two years in LA, I met a lot of good musicians, I felt a sort of familiarity (camaraderie) with them. Suddenly, I had more people around me, people to call, to tell about what I had just done and ask them how their week went as well. I don’t put things in front of the mirror anymore. Half of the songs have something light in them, they’re less reflective and less about the way I see myself. I didn’t really address a particular audience in the previous records. But this year, I wanted to change my point of view, to speak to others, to a younger generation. That’s what must happen when you grow older…

Int: Do you observe the others more?

LDR: I’m more settled in reality. I go out, I blend more with the others. After having been too intellectual, too existentialist… Although, compared to my friends, I’m the most quiet. I don’t have to make myself heard excessively anymore.

Int: Tomorrow Never Came recalls the Beatles. We hear you sing with Sean Lennon. How did you get the idea?

LDR: I sang the chorus to my producer and he added a few chords. I thought about T. Rex, and I was looking for something more relaxed, more live. It led me to a melody resembling the Beatles. I asked someone to get me Sean Lennon’s number; I wanted to have his voice with mine. We facetimed, and it worked right away between us. He was very encouraging.

Int: The song seems to reflect on a rough time, which is behind you now though…

LDR: Yes, absolutely. Without being able to say what it is, though. That’s why I didn’t want to sing it alone. Aesthetically, I wanted this title to have a 60’s sound, completely, without any modern mediation. It really mattered to me because it fully fit in with me, and I wanted to express it that way, directly.

Int: One track, God Bless America, is about the USA. It is political and in relation to the election of Donald Trump. How do this era and politics influence you?

LDR: The song is about America and the women in it. In the studio, where I go every day, I have conversations about the country with my producer and my sound engineers… And it all just sort of came out. I didn’t feel like I had to say something but it would have been weird if I hadn’t. That was my feeling. It was also about me going out more, listening and talking about it. One thing that always came up with my friends was whether or not it was time to move to Paris! It was our favorite brunch conversation after the election. I especially felt the tremor, the fact that American women were mobilizing against everything that was said.

Int: We can see you’re freer in this album, not quite the tormented lover anymore.

LDR: In the previous albums, I felt split into two parts, torn. Then, I took position, chose easier ways, not to be confronted to difficult experiences anymore. I decided to have more friends, more fun.

Int: What sparked that decision?

LDR: All my previous bad experiences came back to me all of a sudden. And I had enough. I decided to change. And there wasn’t a thing this year I wasn’t certain about. It’s new for me. Something in my personal life changed and it led to a musical shift. And it was for the best, in the right artistic direction. To be in a relationship, it’s very energizing at first. But when the end comes near, only the negative energy remains… And I don’t want to go through that again. In this particular case, if I had known before that it would be this way, I would have run right away. I lived the same thing too many times, even with friends and professional relationships: from now on, I’ll never let anyone surreptitiously take control of who I am anymore. I’ll run at the first sign a relationship can become this bad. That said, sometimes, you have to go and reach the end of things, you have to be able to finish a record, a love affair…


Int: Did you ever have to fight for your integrity?

LDR: To take the right decisions, yes, but never to be the person I am. That was established from the start. When I wrote Video Games, I had to be strong and assured, I sang very directly. Now, I feel different. Back then, that’s what made me happy because that’s all I knew. But it wasn’t enough.

Int: Do you still have some tutelary figures?

LDR: I was lucky to read Bob Dylan, to understand his process and his way of doing things. I don’t know why I’m so obsessed with him… He’s my hero. And I want to clarify, I am in no way putting myself at his level. He’s all the way up there for me. Like Kurt Cobain, despite his sad passing: his way of capturing melodies which seem to come out of the air around you… It’s the ultimate cool.