i never quite know what to feel ^^'

Worth The Pain

By: ProMarvelFanGirl

Pairing: Steve x Reader

Requested by: @girl-next-door-writes

Hello sweetie, when you have a little time do you think you could write me some fluffy awkward Steve? Something along the lines of Reader and Steve being friends and then one day he realises he actually wants to be more than friends and all of a sudden doesn’t know how to act around them or what to say and Bucky picks up on it and hatches a plan to get them together? Thank you xx

A/n: I hope you like this and that I did your idea justice.  I had a bit of trouble writing this one.   Please let me know what you think!  Requests are open! Also accepting prompts. 

You had always been best friends with Steve, you have also always had feelings for him.  It was no secret everyone knew about your feelings, even Steve.   He never outright mentioned that he knew of your feelings, and you never mentioned them because it was quite obvious that he didn’t feel the same.   You tried to get over your feelings for him and you both maintained a great friendship.

That was until you decided to take a chance and accept a date with a shield agent you had happened to meet through Bucky.  When you had finished getting ready for your date you walked into the living room of the tower doing a twirl to show off your dress to the boys.  

“What do you think?”  You grin at the two of them, smoothing your dress down.  Both men looked up at you and were sporting equally large grins.

“You goin’ out with Nat and Wanda again?”  Steve asked a confused look on his face.  He didn’t remember you telling him you were going out.

“Nope I have a date.”  You smile slightly.  Bucky watched Steve closely seeing how he would take this turn of events.  He had always been the biggest supporter of the two of you getting together.  He knew Steve didn’t say he returned your feelings but he had this feeling in his gut Steve was hiding his true feelings.  

Bucky watched the emotions play on Steve’s face.  First there was shock, then confusion, then a bit of jealousy.  You of course didn’t notice.  You were in the mirror fusing with your hair.  You looked at your watch and grabbed your purse, yelling a goodbye to the boys over your shoulder.

When you had left the room Bucky looked over at Steve.   He had a feeling he would get this reaction.  Steve was staring at the tv clearly lost in thought.   “You okay pal?”

Steve responded with a gruff, “fine” and went back to watching his show.

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we diiid it! first milestone! pretty exciting stuff.

I didn’t really know what to expect when I remade this blog. I had a lot of nerves, anxiety, etc about it. when I deleted originally this summer, it was out of this really… vast panic, I suppose. envy and jealousy of others, a large downswing in confidence, panic because I could never reply to people at a remotely decent time, heh.

but you know what? since I’ve come back, I’ve really had nothing but fun. I’ve managed to reconnect with some people who I missed quite a bit, and I’ve also gotten to meet some really, really cool new people. not gonna lie, I’m too lazy to write out a specific message to everyone for such a small (for this community!) milestone, but I want you all to know that you’re really, really fantastic. honestly. you’ve made this short little return feel so very nice, and I’m really excited to be back here to gush about this dumb edgelord again. everyone who’s on here is an immensely skilled writer, or amazing artist, or both – and all of you are fantastic people who have shown me nothing but kindness, and for that, I truly, truly appreciate you all. ♡ 

names are under the cut.

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the signs as i know them
  • aries: has a great sense of humour. soft voice. strong willed and stubborn. kind. fair. stunning appearance. doesn't talk much about feelings. adventurous. neither angry nor up to a fight 24/7. dreams of starting a family. gets along with people. never insults or hurts others on purpose. is actually quite sensitive.
  • taurus: master of organization. sometimes a little confused. is stubborn and rarely changes their opinion but always listens to what other people have to say. quiet when lost in thoughts. financial genius. generous. sometimes a little mean. will never let you down. great friend / husband / dad. is actually a great cook but doesn't eat 24/7. does sports and loves nature. is a "wow look at the moon"-person.
  • gemini: clever. hates boredom. always has a plan b/c/d. cares for their education. talks a lot. sometimes lost in thoughts. tends to overthink. always have a great story to tell. never underestimates others. believes in their friends. always know the answer. is not annoying 24/7. know when to shut up. bright smile. active. loves adventure. never shouting when angry. doesn't let others feel their anger. nature-lover.
  • cancer: very caring. will ask you how your day has been. invites you to their house to make popcorn and watch your favourite movie/series. very funny. good sense of fashion. is the friend who will take you home when you're drunk. makes sure you're ok. is fascinated by science. lovely eyes. adorable. never loud but always present. emotional but not a cry-baby.
  • leo: proud and loud. not easily insulted but when they are they roar. knows so many cultures. is interested in new things. can be very soft but won't show it unless they trust you. bright smile. always polite. will be there for you when you need them. unique sense of fashion. hard workers. chatty. always know how to handle a difficult situation. reliable. trustworthy.
  • virgo: feel much more than they would admit. don't have many friends but would do anything for the friends they have. careful. neither waste money nor time. a little stingy. the friend that feels what you feel. can read your mind sometimes. loves to surprise people. to be avoided when angry. calm down easily. loves to make others smile. sometimes too caring. loyal.
  • libra: sometimes a little weird. hardworking. sometimes they believe in themselves, sometimes they give up on themselves. aesthetic-lovers. usually very well dressed. polite. interested in art, history and literature. doubt their skills a lot. sometimes a little absent. instead of shouting they don't talk. loves conversations with new people.
  • scorpio: NOT EVIL AT ALL!! very emotional but never reckless. you can call them at 3am and they will be there for you. sometimes they don't know what to do with all their feelings but they will never let you suffer because of that. the best friends. adorable. stunning look. hard voices, hard souls, soft heart. are interested and show their interest in you and your feelings. will apologize immediately when they see they treated you wrong and they are truly sorry. mysterious. when they trust you they tell you everything. a little revengeful but would never harm others.
  • sagittarius: hilarious. clever. tell great jokes. are interested and caring. fight issues. don't show their emotions. won't be angry for long. colourful people with colourful minds. somehow they always know what's going on. love to work out. learn languages quite fast. honest.
  • capricorn: serious people. sometimes very stubborn. well educated. strong. smart. working to achieve their goals. never ever ever give up. never show defeat. don't cry very often. love the sun. good at making friends. do not forgive easily. forgive but don't forget. will remember almost everything they did / heard / said in their lives. loyal. know what they're worth.
  • aquarius: entertaining. bright personality. you can always spot their voice. has a very emotional part they won't show anyone. can make a bad situation good. great friends. sometimes a little bossy. tend to put on a show. won't mess around. chatty and makes new friends easily and quite often. has many friends but only like 2-3 real friends they would trust with their lives. hate to show when they hurt. very intelligent.
  • pisces: not crying 24/7. not weak at all. develop crushes easily but get over them very fast. either things don't mean anything to them or they mean the world to them. lost in daydreams but have the brightest fantasy. can be a storm. if they see you treat them wrong they leave. loyal to the people they love. can be revengeful. scheming. knows exactly what people deserve. would never harm anyone who doesn't deserve it. want justice. hard to get. hard to understand. great friends. worth the fight. will hold your hand and go through hell with you. passionate lovers.
Male and female signs I know

Aries Male: Very awkward at first, super easy to approach. Laughs super loud and is actually v shy. Super playful and loving, caring for those close to him. Not one for anger unless provoked

Aries Female: Loves to argue with people but never means to hurt their feelings, passionate about who and what they love, actually super lazy but athletic. Creative as fuck and very cuddly

Taurus Male: Quite at first then super funny and loud, pretty random and like never cried. Really handsome and very fashionable, a born smooth talker and kinda insensitive

Taurus Female: Worried about something literally all the time, very sweet and scared of being a burden, likes to have fun and party, super chill and loves babies

Gemini Male: laughs a lot, super awkward but actually not awkward at all, open about certain things but also extremely closed off about others, loves videos games and fun people

Gemini Female: everyone thinks you’re a Bitch at first, super funny and actually really smart, random facts all the time about anything (usually never on topic), likes clean and kinda crowded spaces, loves people but hates them all

Cancer Male: really weird sense of humour, happy being alone, loves family a lot, refuses to let go of past relationships, super shy at first, hard working, actually a sensitive nerd

Cancer Female: actually super indecisive, never fucking tells you if they’re upset, loves random adventures as long as they have people they love with them, Netflix binges are a normal things

Leo Male: cocky as fuck but super insecure, loves attention, somehow always has money for food, laughs at his own jokes more than he laughs at other peoples, “what should I do with my hair?”

Leo Female: aggressive, likes to tease people (in a loving way), loves but hates being teased back, cries whenever they feel they’re not good enough, exaggerated storied, really funny

Virgo Male: unique style, cries when they get pissed off at someone they love, constantly stressed out, simple things make them laugh really hard, not very good at telling jokes, loves people way too much

Virgo Female: bad ass TBH, easily attached, cute style, lots of stories to tell, being around them is comforting, seems to have their life together basically all the time, lowkey freak

Libra Male: knows so many people but considered like 10 of them their friends, easily excited, good advice, good at making decisions for everyone but themselves, introvert who loves people

Libra Female: makes lots of weird noises, always has a story to tell, actually really stressed out, laughs a lot, constant confusion, “what should I do/get/pick/say/eat/buy/etc.?”

Scorpio Male: a dick in a funny way, quite at first, not afraid to tell you if you’re annoying, loves to tease, shares pics about sex on fb

Scorpio Female: will fight you, not afraid to talk to strangers, loves being home and doing nothing, hood playlists, dreams about relationships, their stories are important

Sagittarius Male: fuck boy, funny as fuck, not very loud, drinks a lot, rebel who cares too much about everything, once they’re attached they stay attached

Sagittarius Female: school makes them cry, lots of relationships that last a long time, cute style but wants to look bad ass, willing to fight u, memes

Capricorn Male: really quite but somehow everyone knows them, videos games all the time, can’t express feelings and breakdowns like one a year

Capricorn Female: actually pretty loud and fun, hard to keep in touch with, can’t fall out of love with that one person, critical of a lot of things without meaning to be

Aquarius Male: knows like everyone, meme master, laughs when you laugh, not talk to them for a year and then easily pick up convo like nothing happened

Aquarius Female: super cheeky, doesn’t really argue about anything, chill as fuck, loves loud and fun people, fascinated by people and the way they do things, delicate but will kick ur ass if they have to

Pisces Male: not good at expressing things, shy, v giggly, resting Bitch face, loner, comfortable to talk to

Pisces Female: aesthetic snapchat, love fun and lowkey dangerous things, once they hate you they hate you, weird sense of humour, in their own world

Do you love him?

Definitely not.
Okay, a little.
A lot.

But sometimes I wish I didn’t.

—  A scribbler // Stages of I Love You

“I turned thirty-five recently. Everything is one big question for me right now. My dog died in January. I quit my job. I chopped off my hair. I got in a huge fight with my boyfriend last night and now I don’t know what’s going to happen. I feel like I’m about to fall apart. I’ve never been the type of girl who thought too much about kids, or dreamed about her wedding day, or thought about her wedding dress. But I’m thirty-five now. And I can’t help but wonder if it’s ever going to happen. And when is it going to happen? And who is it going to happen with? I’ve been a bartender since the age of eighteen. I got used to it. It was safe. I couldn’t mess up. There’s only one way to make a Manhattan. And the whole reason I quit my job was to pull the rug out from under myself. I wanted to use my cosmetology degree and pursue a career in hair styling. But I’ve interviewed with several salons now, and nothing has come of it. I’m really losing my self-confidence. I feel like everything is crashing down around me. I think I spent seventeen years stuck as a bartender because I was so afraid of feeling like this.”


so!! this is what I’ve been up to!! I was asked by google to make something that I thought would be interesting on an android device. Kintsukuroi was the result!

you can get the game and its code here - there’s a video there too and a pretty extensive write up that’s continued here on my site if you wanna know a bit about development!

it’s been an amazing experience, even for what is quite a small game. thanks to Clark Powell for working on the music with me! I’ve never worked to a standard like this before - this is the realest game I’ve made and it feels real nice. I hope you like it!!! check out the other experiments up on the site too!

And you know what it is?

It’s the soft spot we have for the person. You know what I’m talking about. The I hate you, but I love you type of relationship. The I can’t stand you, but don’t leave person we all adore. The you make me feel amazing and like shit at the same time.

This very person, the idea of this human in the flesh is quite absurd.

You cannot let go of them no matter how many times you have attempted to. It’s like trying to kill yourself with a butter knife, it doesn’t cut you anywhere, but still you’ll try it.

It’s this hollow and deep person.

You want their shallow.
You need their depth.

This person, who you thought was perfect… you eventually saw flaws.

Or maybe you saw how flawed they were and became intrigued… if you stare into a blackhole long enough you’ll eventually see the beauty within it. The light disappearing into its spaceless appearance. Absorbing your many colors and leaving nothing, but a still painting made from your passions.

It’s the soft spot, I tell you.

I don’t want to talk to you anymore.

Two hours later–

Hey, I missed you.
Can we hang out?

Hey, I’m sorry. I was being a jerk.
How’s your day going?

I didn’t mean it…
Can you forgive me?

I wasn’t thinking,
why do we argue so much?

It all works out with this person.
It could be a lover, or a friend.

Most of the time?
It’s a lover.

You could say they’re like
the first breath taken
after you held your head
under water to see
if you can go under
long enough without

You could say they’re like
the first time you knew
that this was it, you had
to love this person…
even if they broke you
and cut you down at
every fucking angle.

You could say they were
made from the same star as you;
made from the same stardust,
made at the same time,
the universe gave both of you
more than enough second chances.

You could say both of you
blew them all away for a
chance with this thing
called love; this terrible,
but beautiful thing.

I’ve ran out of ways to describe love,
so it’s a thing now.

It has too much emotion,
but it also has none.

We put effort into such a powerful being, how destructive they could be,
how soft and delicate they can touch,
and how lovely their eyes can feel.

It’s like finding that perfect flower
and snapping a picture of it.

It’s like finding broken glass
and wondering who broke it.

It’s like falling in love everyday
and finding new reasons to stay.

It’s like feeling soft skin after a shower
and wondering how lucky you got.

It’s like freeing up your mind
and only smiling to their laughter.

It’s like flipping the goddamn table
and calmly breathing when they wink.

It’s like forgetting your name
and remembering only theirs.

It’s like flying into their eyes
and not caring about the time.

It’s like fearing everything they can do
and not stopping when it hurts.

You see… this person.
The idea of what they can do,
what they will do,
and how badly
this may end up…

None of it matters.

Well, this is the soft spot.

The person you will always love.

—  We all have a soft spot for someone. Who is yours?

I wonder how Ben feels knowing that Rey got everything he wanted

She got his fathers love and adoration after knowing him for less than a few hours, something Ben never felt he had

She is loved by his mother as well, they hug like they’ve known each other their entire lives

She has friends who love her, and would die for her, they accept her for who she is and not what she can do for them

And she most likely will get special treatment from Luke that he himself never received because he was never quite ready enough for that yet Ben

And above all she has no conflict about what side she belongs on, and was never torn between where she felt accepted and what she knew was right


Tangled in a thread of destiny you are power-less to change…your soul to never know peace or freedom…bound to endlessly lose, reborn of hatred enterally for reasons you know not of…you’ve met with quite a terrible fate haven’t you?”


What about when you were younger, before One Direction. Did you always feel like you didn’t fit in?

When I was younger it was something that I always felt. There are people who fit into certain stereotypes; I never fit into them. I remember once, when I was younger, in drama class, an assignment where everybody had to do an impersonation of somebody else in the class. Everyone did an impersonation, but nobody could do an impersonation of me.

Why do you think that is?

I don’t know. I always thought it was quite strange. I didn’t understand it at the time. It makes sense to me now, because I wasn’t ever that particular in anything. I was always doing different things, a bit of a floater. Now that I’m older, I embrace it. That’s who I am. (x)

the signs as Blair Waldorf quotes
  • Aries: Haven't you heard? I'm the crazy bitch around here.
  • Taurus: Nothing's holding me back anymore. I know what I want, and I'm gonna get it.
  • Gemini: I have an idea for you: quit. Your boss is a bitch. Let's go to lunch.
  • Cancer: Feelings never do make sense. They get you all confused. Then they drive you around for hours before they drop you right back where you started.
  • Leo: Ladies, you can put your tiny brains to rest. Once again the world has proven: anything you can do, I can do better!
  • Virgo: You can't make people love you, but you can make them fear you.
  • Libra: You deserve a guy who would move mountains to be with you if he had to.
  • Scorpio: I'm not a stop along the way. I'm a destination.
  • Sagittarius: Oh, my life is so bountiful. I don't need a boyfriend to feel fulfilled.
  • Capricorn: The most important thing in a relationship is trust. After sex. And hygiene. And earning potential.
  • Aquarius: Once men have tasted caviar, it baffles me how they settle for catfish.
  • Pisces: People don't write sonnets about being compatible, or novels about shared life goals and stimulating conversation. The great loves are the crazy ones.

Do you remember when we first met? I do. You were so quiet and pasty, and… So incredibly smart, handsome. Quite a strange feeling isn’t it? Never wanting to be without someone. You must have been so annoyed, me following you around all the time. I imagine our dinner sometimes. Where we’d go, what we’d eat. I wonder about us a lot, actually. There’s this small cottage in Perthshire we drove by once when I was a girl, some… family holiday, and I don’t know why, but I found it so lovely. I still think about it - a place where you and I could have…
But that’s that, I suppose.

We talk a lot about love and yet we never seem to know enough about it. We make metaphors and construct rhymes to capture its essence but we never quite get it. It’s easy to write about it because it’s so common. And yet, in truth, none of us really know exactly what we’re saying. It’s a feeling, not a description. I could tell you that you make me feel like a rain forest, and you wouldn’t have a clue what I meant. Because in that moment, I wanted to tell you that you made me feel full, that every bone in my body vibrated to the rhythm of your voice, that life bloomed beneath every inch of skin you touched– but of course, there is no way to perfectly explain that, you cannot put feelings this big into words. But I still write poems about you. Everyone still writes them and I can pretend they are all about you but they will never amount to the real thing. I think a lot about words and language and the power that strums within them all and I put a lot of faith into what I say and create on the pages. But no matter the range I try, from 26 letters to over 50,000 characters, no amount of poetry in any tongue will be able to describe love the way I want it to. So sometimes, at three in the morning, I put my pen down and go back to bed. Sometimes that is the closest I can get to saying this is love and I am here for it. Sometimes all it takes is being next to you.
—  A conundrum about words and love and everything good in the world of a writer

I know the pain you feel. I’ve been there. I know the battle in your head to quit… I’ve had it far too many times. I’ve fallen and I’ve gotten back up only to fall again. But I’ll never stop. I’m only getting stronger and closer to my goals. For every time I fall forward on my face… I’m still moving ahead. So never quit. Hold on to what you love, chase what you desire, believe in yourself, and never stop. It’s your choice. We need more dreamers.. So please. Never. Stop.—Cody Christian

ZAYN Malik has given his only interview since quitting One Direction to The Sun.

Speaking to me from a recording studio in West London, where he has been working with producer pal Naughty Boy, he admitted: “I can’t do this anymore.”

Here is his amazing account of the split, word for word.

Dan Wootton: How are you man?

Zayn Malik: Um.. yeah? Interesting. I’m I’m feeling quite interesting. Let’s say that.

D: It must have been a nightmare of a week for you.

Z: Umm, ish, yeah. Do you know what, at the same time, it is crazy and wild and a bit mad. But at the same time I’ve never felt more in control in my life. And I feel like I’m doing what’s right, and right by myself and right by the boys, so I feel good.

D: Absolutely, and so what’s the plan?

Z: Just to kind of be myself for a bit. I think I’m just going to write and relax and chill.

D: And how’s Perrie?

Z: Yeah, she’s alright, man. She’s a good girl.

D: What did she think about it? Was she supportive or was she saying, ‘Look, give it another go?’

Z: Yeah, she’s always supportive. She’s always good, man.

D: What is your message that you are wanting people to know?

Z: Emm, the main message is just that I did try to do something that I wasn’t happy doing for a while, for the sake of maybe other people’s happiness. And that was mainly the fans. And I only ever tried to do it for the fans, and it was only ever for them. And basically, I’m only upset I feel like I may have let them down in some sort of way. That’s the main thing that I don’t want to happen. It’s not that I’ve turned my back on them or anything, it’s just that I just can’t do that anymore because it’s not real to me.

D: Some people are saying there are some tensions within the band.

Z: Do you mean, what, there was like a negativity between us? Well they couldn’t be more wrong, to be honest.

D: So you reckon the other four are in it for the long haul? 

Z: Yeah definitely. And when I was there as well, we were all, there were no contingencies, do you know what I mean? It was always just everyone kind of doing what we were doing and that’s why it’s been really good for me, because I feel it’s been a bit different to what other bands have broke up by, or when a member’s left or whatever. My band has been really supportive. They’ve been really cool about it. And they understand that, you know, it’s not real to me anymore. They still want to do it for a while, so they’re going to carry on doing what they want to do. And I think they’re doing to do OK for a while. I think they’re going to be cool.

D: There’s been some talk today that they would like you to come back at some point. Could you ever see yourself doing that or do you feel that’s it for you?

Z: I don’t think I can really answer that, really, but I don’t know. 

D: Until you get some time.

Z: Yeah I don’t know if I can answer that question.

D: Thanks for chatting Zayn.

Z: No worries it was nice talking to you mate.

D: Alright man, good luck.

Z: Alright bro, see ya.

8x01 “We Need To Talk about Kevin”

♬Another year has passed me by. Still I look a myself and cry. What kind of man have I become? All of the years I’ve spent in search of myself. And I’m still in the dark. ‘Cause I can’t seem to find the light alone. Sometimes I feel like a man in the wilderness.  I’m a lonely soldier off to war. Sent away to die, never quite knowing why. Sometimes it makes no sense at all♬


On Elektra’s side, it’s only love. I take it from there. I don’t think she hates or wants Matthew. It’s love in a strange way, in her own way. I don’t think a lot of people can relate to the way she loves people or loves him. But I don’t think it comes from any other place than love so this is what I had to explore through her sociopathic nature. – Elodie Yung

For Daredevil to go out there and be himself and reveal himself to someone exactly who he is when he’s in that Daredevil persona is something that he’s never really been able to do. He did it a little bit with Claire and now Foggy does know but he doesn’t feel quite comfortable being his true self around either of them. With Elektra, she encourages it. She wants him to be Daredevil. – Charlie Cox

  • shion: nezumi, i'm glad that you exist...
  • nezumi: ...
  • shion: and i'm glad that we met...
  • nezumi: ....
  • shion: i love you, nezumi
  • what nezumi wants to say: *shion if i haven't met you i'd still be an asshole and i'd never know all these feelings, i'd be just a loner and probably would die soon, since that day we first met, you saved me, you were always there by my side... a-and i've got to say you have quite a pretty face, i mean the best i've ever seen, and i have strong feelings for you, like, what i mean is... DON'T YOU DARE LAUGH OK... shion, i...i love you too*
  • what he says: shion, i have to go, this is goodbye, may we meet again someday, hasta la vista baby