i never know what to put for the caption on these

Sometimes the customer is wrong for unrelated reasons.

Due to the well of my friends’ “def not an axe murderer” date recommendations drying up, I have turned to that most sacred of modern relationship institutions: online dating. As a very busy person trying to get it in with other very busy people, I prize honestly and directness above all else when it comes to profile creation. I include full body shots in my photos, try to minimize the use of MySpace angles in selfies, and write at the very top of the summary/caption/profile that I am fat. Not “curvy,” not “thick,” not “lots to love”–I’m f*cking fat. I’m not ashamed of it, but I also known that weight is a dealbreaker for lots of people. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.

About a year ago I met “Evan” via Tinder. We exchanged friendly messages for a few hours one night and agreed to meet up for drinks the following evening. I waited for a full hour past the designated time, and just as I was getting up to leave, the texts started rolling in.

“I can see you sweating from here.” “How long does it take you to roll out of bed every morning?” “Is there an earthquake or are you just getting up for more pretzels?”

Really idiotic, juvenile shit. Four separate numbers, commenting on things like my clothes, which clued me in that the senders were nearby. This went on for 15 minutes before I finally saw Evan, trying to hide in at a corner table and giggling with a group of buddies. I made eye contact, saw that he saw me, and then walked out. The texts kept up until I blocked the numbers a few hours later.

I ran into Evan about 3 weeks later. We got on the same elevator, and he tried really hard at being super interested in the emergency phone instructions. I just confronted him, and he admitted it was just some “game” that him and his friends play. He knew I was fat before agreeing to meet up; they all did, because that’s what they do. Match up with fat women, then either ghost them or “troll” them at the meet-up. It was also kinda obvious he’d never seen any consequences from this bullshit, as he was sweating pretty hard and looked more humiliated than I felt. I just said whatever and walked out, expecting to never see him again.

About a month ago, some local foodie wrote a great review of the restaurant I own, and we’ve been slammed ever since. In the past, I stayed mostly in the kitchen, but I’ve been doing more and more front-of-house stuff lately, and Valentine’s Day I was working a bit of a split between the two.

I saw Evan just as he was pushing in his date’s chair. My name isn’t on the restaurant, and he didn’t see me. I checked the section up at the hostess stand and saw that one of my favorite old-timers, Nan, was going to be his waitress. I went to the bar till, took out $400, put it in her hands, and said, “This is going to be your only table for the rest of the night. You are going to make this the worst date he has ever been on.”

She spilled every single thing she brought out to the table, all over him. I was waiting for him to blow up on Nan, but he bottled it up, obviously trying to make a good impression on his date. She seemed like a perfectly lovely lady; I told Nan to make sure everything was good for her and terrible for Evan.

She poured ice water on his d*ck. She smacked the back of his head with the edge of a tray. Spilled soup on his shirt. Dropped every fork he asked for. I personally oversalted his food, used the shit liquor for his drinks, used flour instead of sugar on his dessert. To be honest, I don’t know why he didn’t just walk out. He must have really wanted to f*ck this woman.

Finally, he cracked. Demanded Nan find the manager and bring her out. I was only too happy to emerge from the kitchen with my chef’s coat and say what, I’m not ashamed to admit, I’d been planning out all night.

“I would have said hi earlier, but I didn’t want the earthquake to disturb your dinner.”

I will savor the look on Evan’s face for the rest of my life.

He was a little too flummoxed to explain, so I pulled a chair up to the table and introduced myself to his date, Amanda. Told her how I met Evan. Showed her some fun old messages. Then I told gave her a voucher for a free meal on her next visit and told Evan to get the f*ck out and never come back.

He deleted his Tinder profile.

10

Diana being precious and supportive with kids remains the Most Important Content, reblog if you agree.

(Click on pictures to see issue number and year, captions under the cut for those who need them.)

Keep reading

l o v e - tom holland

summary: tom and y/n are so in love. from the way he looks at her to being the only one he truly adores. love was made for them. this is the ups and downs of being in love with tom holland.

notes: gif not mine based off the song by nat king cole. this was supposed to be something cute and small i wrote in an evening but here we are a week later with the longest fic i’ve ever written. please leave me your thoughts, i worked really hard on this!!

word count: 3542

Keep reading

Okay so this post got popular really quickly so I’m gonna expand on it now:

  • Neil has his own social media account, but he never goes on it 
    • It’s called Neil_Jostenn and it’s very original
    • (Someone took both NeilJosten and Neil_Josten like what??)
    • It has pictures of his sneakers (endorsements) and his teammates and blurry pictures of Kevin with no caption except for #queenday but mostly he doesn’t do anything with it
    • His bio is just his name, number, and the team he’s playing for
    • (It has #teamjosten for a bit too but not the point)
  • He does, however, have a cat account
  • No one besides his foxes knows he has it
  • It has more followers than his personal account does?? Somehow???
  • It’s called sir.n.king and it’s one of the cutest things
  • He posts almost daily and never shows his own face but it’s clear he’s an exy fan bc he dresses his cats up in jerseys
  • Most of the time he puts them in mini-versions of Kevin’s jersey with tiaras
  • His followers only know the names of his cats, that he has a bf, and a room entirely dedicated to his (I can’t decide if they’re rescue or therapy cats so probably one of each if that works)
  • He dresses Sir up as his bf a lot, complete with armbands and reading glasses
    • Caption: “He looks so much like his father”
    • (Via Nicky, who was making one of his impromptu visits
  • Speaking of Nicky
  • This kiddo is bitter about the popularity of Neil’s cat account
  • See, he runs dog accounts for each and every one of his and Erik’s pet
  • Most of them are rescues, but one of them is a therapy pet Nicky got back in palmetto to keep him happy when Erik wasn’t around and comfort him when he was close to breaking down
  • He was the one to suggest the cat accounts to Neil
  • And now Neil’s cats have more followers than all of his babies combined???
  • This is unacceptable 
  • He doesn’t even tell anyone he’s a famous exy player, they’re famous all on their own
  • Nicky wants to call bullshit but he has no proof that Neil used any “gain more followers!” cheats
  • Nicky and Neil get into fights over whose pets are better and Neil just pulls out the amount of followers his have as statistics
  • It’s very frustrating
  • During the Minyard-Josten rivalry, he dresses their cats up in both of their jerseys and posts multiple pictures of them cuddling and other interactions 
  • It’s very confusing for his followers, who are mostly not exy fans but they know that Minyard and Josten are supposed to be at each others throats
  • Then this happens 
  • The reporter is shocked to say the least
    • “Cats?”
    • “Yeah, my cats.”
  • He then just gushes about his cats and shows all of the reporters pictures and stuff from his cat account on Instagram and they’re so confused but it takes up all the time they have and Neil can go home without getting asked any more questions about Andrew Minyard so he counts it as a win
  • So now the whole world knows about Neil Josten and his precious cats
  • And with further investigation, his boyfriend???
  • Shit is happening
  • No one expected this kid to be so fucking cute with his bf and cats and domesticity like this???
  • When Andreil comes out, Neil posts a picture of Sir sitting on Andrew’s lap dresses up like him again 
  • Andrew is reading and petting Sir and it’s the picture that makes everyone realize he’s not a monster
  • That, and the ones that follow

Bonus:

  • King is girl, and no one really cared when naming her
  • But now it’s made sort of a problem bc oops she’s having babies guys
  • King does this to Neil and Neil cries 
  • He’s just so fucking overwhelmed okay it’s two am and his cat is giving him her babies and it’s too much
  • Andrew gets it on video 
    • Caption: “The hellspawn woke us up”
    • (Via Andrew, who pretends to hate the cats but loves them almost as much as Neil does)

This is important to me okay

Trouble in Canada // 2

a/n: You all have been so patient and I know I’m a bit late (4 months late soz about that). Every single one of you have been so amazing with the support of this, and it blows my mind every time I get a notification that TiC got another note. And when I posted earlier today that I was posting it, I absolutely loved the response I got in my inbox.  It made my heart incredibly happy and with each message that came in, not gonna lie, i teared up a bit. You all have been so lovely and good sports (especially when i posted that fake TiC2 WHAT A TIME). So from the bottom of my heart, thank you for all the support. I have met some of the most incredible people through TiC and I cherish every single one of you. I feel so emotional posting this, but you all finally deserve the second part to probably the most angsty piece I have ever written (and will ever write omg).  So, please enjoy the second and final installment to Trouble in Canada :)

THANK YA TO MY LOVELY @whitechocolateperfection for reading over this and giving me confidence :) you’re the best and i love you a whole lot 

Trouble in Canada (1)  |  Masterlist

Your name: submit What is this?

“We need to talk,”

        Those four words held a weight so heavy that you lost your grip on your tea.  Your mug dropped to the floor, shattering in pieces and tea spilling all over the hardwood floor.  You immediately went to pick up the broken pieces.  On your knees, you picked up the shards of glass as Shawn was stood in the same exact position; not moving a single bone in his body to help you.

        Collecting all the tiny shards in your hand you swiftly moved past Shawn to go throw the pieces out in the kitchen.  You opened the trash bin, and right as you were about to throw out the broken mug, Shawn’s voice interrupted your movements, “Is that the mug I got you?  The one from our first Valentine’s day together?”

Keep reading

Jin and Time Travelling?

(Here is my theory based on the posters from Love Yourself linked in with WINGS, HYYH, INU, RUN and the Prologue)

So in both of Jin’s Love Yourself Posters, he talks about turning back time.

The first one:

“If I could turn back time, I want to be the greatest guy in the world.”

The second one:

“If I could turn back time, I want to go back to that summer sea.”

He he wants to go back to the ‘summer sea’ and become the greatest man in the world. So where is this summer sea and how will it make him the greatest man?

Think of it this way, The I NEED U MV (Original) came out in May 2015 and the prologue came out in October 2015. In between that is summer. In both of the videos, the boys can be seen beside the sea, at the end of I NEED U and in the prologue video.

They have a lot of fun by the sea. If you take the time between the release of the MVs, I think you could arguably say that this sea that they visit is the ‘summer sea.’

Anyway, back to the rest of the Love_Yourself posters. Before talking about the individual posters, I want to talk about the pairing ones first. These are the same pairings from Run/Prologue but mostly their WINGS Short Films (all theories on that are in my theory masterlist btw)

All of the members that came in pairs (Suga and Jungkook, Jimin and J-Hope, Rap Monster and V) had the same comment on their poster. “When we came back from that sea, we were all alone.”

As I’ve mentioned in my previous theories, I believe that the scene at the sea/beach in the prologue occurred before INU (and RUN). At the sea, they were all happy and good friends, no one seemed injured or hurt.

So they were at the sea, perfectly fine, but when they came back they sort of separated and became lonely and I think it’s to do with their individual posters.

(I’ll talk about Jungkook later) Suga’s poster the translation was “Don’t come near me, I’ll only bring you misfortune.” What if after they came back, the scene in Run happened. When Suga was ‘drunk’ and he and Jungkook got into a fight. Which then lead to the INU hotel scene, when he was alone, and Jungkook was out and got beaten up by those ‘thugs’ ultimately getting hit by a car.

If Suga and Kookie got into a fight, then in the end, it’s likely that he blames himself for Jungkook’s accident. He thinks he’s bought Jungkook misfortune by putting him into a wheelchair (from Jungkook’s poster). That’s why, in their pairing poster, the say that they were alone after coming back from the sea.

At the sea they were together, but after, they became lonely because of the fight

Next is Jimin and J-Hope. 

Theirs isn’t as obvious, but I think a lot of it links in with Hobi’s Short Film (theory here). He has Munchhausen’s syndrome where he basically fakes illness to keep himself in care. Like I said, Jimin took care of him the most as we can see in this scene in Run.

Now this is where I think it might have links to my Maknaes Drove the Hyungs Out Theory (please give it a read)

but that’s another story…

I guess this does come in to Jimin’s Love Yourself poster where is says, “I lied because there is no reason to love someone like me.” Jimin may have lied to keep J-Hope away from him, because he thinks he’s undeserving of love.

We know that Hoseok’s love is selfless as from his poster he says that “As long you can shine, I’m okay,” meaning that he’ll do anything to make someone else happy, even at his own expense. Jimin probably thought he didn’t deserve it and lied to J-Hope to push him away.

Now J Hope is ‘okay’ because he isn’t being so self-destructive in his love, and Jimin is just falling deeper into his lie and feelings of low self-worth.

In their pair photo, we can see that J-Hope is the one that’s in the bright room with the big window seemingly smiling, and Jimin is in a parallel room but it’s not well lit and the windows have bars on them

Jimin’s solo song Lie even said that he felt caught and trapped in his lie, so the room could be a personification of that. There could also be the fact that, because J-Hope is so sacrificing, he always wants to make others happy, even though he says he’s fine, maybe he isn’t? That’s why he fakes illnesses, to make it seem like maybe one person at least (hospital staff) care about him? Hmm…

Next is Rap Monster and V.

Extract from my theory as mentioned above ^

Another thing I want to bring in is both of their short films. V’s posters says “If I had made a different choice, would you not have left?“ Maybe he’s asking Namjoon this question. To which his reply, in his poster, is “I only watch you from behind, because now is not the time.” Notice how Rap Monster is on the bus and how Tae is crouched on the road? It could indicate RM leaving V.

Back to the short film, in V’s, he’s taken to be arrested after being caught vandalising graffiti. I’ve talked before about how I think that Rap /monster ran away from all the members, maybe he got sick of all of the graffitiing, the running in tunnels, the general bad behaviour, and tried to find ‘himself’ (reflection).

From my Reflection Short Film breakdown

V is saying that is he had made a different choice, maybe they wouldn’t be alone. Maybe they’d still be together.

And of course there’s this:

Again, V is asking for help, maybe he’s asking Namjoon for help, but Namjoon is just lying there saying “I’m fine” - maybe he found his peace, and broke the circle where he was always running to V and helping him.

They have the same caption as everyone else, we were alone when we came back from sea. They were really close friends at sea but after V’s attempted(?) suicide in the prologue, maybe Rap Monster realised that he needed to leave? Did he think he was a bad influence on Taehyung? He known know isn’t the time to get involved again, and just watched Tae from afar.

Coming to Jungkook, we all noticed that he was the only one that was happy in his poster with a ‘positive’ message on it. He got hit by that car in INU but seems to be at peace with the accident. What he is sad about, probably, is losing Suga (I already explained most of my thoughts on that poster here btw).

But where does Jin’s time travelling come into this? Well it’s clear that pretty much all of the members have their regrets. At least, they all know that they’ve become distant ever since they came back from their trip to the sea.

Suga bringing others misfortune, Jungkook’s in a wheelchair (but doesn’t seem to mind), Jimin had to tell a lie, J-Hope sacrificing himself to make others happy, V wishing he made a different choice, Rap Mons can only watch from behind. Jin wants to take it all back. All the bad things happened when they came back from the sea.

Remember at the end of the prologue, there was that scene where Jin’s looking at the picture that Rap Monster took of him and Suga at the petrol station?

But when he pulls is out later, it turns out that it’s just empty???

ANDDDDD then, Big Hit re-uploaded the video, but this time, the scene was missing!! What if that’s when Jin time travelled?! He wet back in time, so that scene where he was alone never happened.

I believe this happened in the Japanese Ver. of Blood, Sweat and Tears.

He travelled back to make it so that nothing in Run and INU happened? Made it so that no one would have their regrets, and everyone would be happy, taking them back to that summer sea. Would that make him the greatest guy in the world? To take away all of his members’ problems? Those six petals he holds so dear, he could really protect them?

What about right at the end of Jap BS&T?

When Jin rolls up to Namjoon’s petrol station where he works? Don’t you think that could be the point at which he travelled back in time. He’s alone in the car.

Jin even says, “it’s been a while” here. It’s been a while since they say each other. A while after the prologue, but just before INU. Rap Mon seems fairly happy here, not like how he was when he got mistreated in INU

Also, when Jin sees him, he doesn’t have his cigarette lollipop either, so he travels back to just before it all starts to go wrong, to go and save them.

Apparently Doctor Who is really popular is South Korea as well. Outside of Britain (where my UK ARMYs at?!) apparently South Korea holds the most views for the time travelling Doctor, so who knows?

What do you think? Did I miss something out? Let me know :D

- Widzz

You’re the One (Daveed x Reader)

Summary: Based on an ask I saw about reader/Daveed being roommates. The reader teases him about his appearance on Sesame Street. Fluff.

Pairing: Daveed Diggs x Reader

A/N: This was a good idea. Good job anon.


“D!” You yelled as soon as you heard the apartment door open.

“What?” Daveed went into the kitchen, rifling around in the fridge for something to eat.

“You didn’t tell me you were going to be on Sesame Street!”

“I guess I forgot? I don’t know, I’ve been busy.” He plopped down next to you and handed you a beer, sighing. He looked tired.

Keep reading

Masterlist!

These are my imagines from my old blog. If anything goes wrong, all imagines are under the “harrylillies” tag. x


Harry & Y/N fight at Anne’s house.

Y/N feels uncomfortable when listening to Carolina & Harry has a few people over after an eventful concert.

Y/N, Harry & three little muskateers.

Harry has the hots for Y/N…who is Fionn’s girlfriend.

Y/N’s Family Definition.

Late Late Styles Inspiration.

Side Effects May Include…

Y/N is Lux’s ballet teacher, Harry is in love.

Y/N visits Harry on the Dunkirk set.

Y/N is a fan and so is destiny.

Harry is interested, Y/N isn’t.

Y/N’s celebrity crush is on TV, Harry is not so happy.

Sprouts are not why Y/N has morning sickness.

Y/N is a nurse and Harry likes to hear all about it.

Y/N is an insecure artist and Harry likes meaningful tattoos.

Y/N had a miscarriage before but she’s ready again.

Y/N is older than Harry but Harry doesn’t care.

Y/N is a police deputy and gets hurt.

Y/N and Harry adopt a child after unsuccessful attempts.

Y/N is hard to get, Harry is determined.

Y/N and Harry’s families are together on a vacation, Harry and Y/N are not so sneaky.

Y/N is graduating medical school and nobody can make it to graduation.

Harry spoiling Y/N.

Mad Harry giving Y/N the silent treatment.

Ticketing cashier Y/N & Harry’s new friend group gone wrong.

Not labeled relationship, dates, kisses and Camille Rowe.

Dunkirk’s loudest cheerleader.

Y/N forgets Harry’s birthday.

Ring Fingers Tattooes.

No Strings Attatched.

Stuck in an elevator a panic attack happens and Harry shares a joke.

Y/N’s “I wish we had never met”.

A kissing scene between co-stars, Harry and Y/N, is what it takes.

Youtubers, Harry and Y/N, announcement’s vlog.

Shy Y/N is intoxicated and it amuses Harry. (+Wild Thoughts cover mention).

Road Trip love realization.

Y/N wants Harry to take a picture with a puppy as they stroll.

Alex one shot.

Harry’s and Y/N’s toddler runs on stage. 

Drabble/Prompt list!

86. “Am I scaring you?”

1. “The skirt is supposed to be this short.” & 15. “Well you’re coming home with me whether you like it or not.” & 14. “Take. It. Off.”

148. “Why do you only kiss me when I’m sleeping?”

51. “I’m your husband. It’s my job.”

67. “You’re strong baby, you have to be.” & 70. “I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

76. “Put your penis away.”

79. “My name isn’t Leslie…who’s Leslie?” & 83. “You can’t eat solids, only liquids until Thursday.”

142. “Hold my hand so he gets jealous.”

41. “You’re going out dressed like that?”

56. “I’m late.”

99. “You got a cute butt.”

71. “You are the single best thing that has ever happened to me.”

43. “Frost the damn cupcakes.”

26: “It’s six o’clock in the morning, you’re not having vodka”, 35: “Take your medicine.”, 43: “I feel like I can’t breathe.”, 44: “You need to see a doctor.”, 69: “We need to talk.” & 85: “I’m not going to be sympathetic until you go to a doctor.”

2. “Hey, hey, calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore.” & 13. “I lost our baby.”

64. “Just don’t buy a goat. I don’t care what you do, just no goats.”

29. “How is my wife more badass than me?” & 37. “Welcome to fatherhood.”

60. “Are you going to talk to me?”

67. “You’re bleeding all over my carpet.”

2. “Hey, hey, calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore.”

94. “I had a bad dream again.” & 57. “Just get home as soon as possible, okay?!”

132. “We’re not playing strip poker. I don’t care what I said when I was drunk.”

53. “Do you think I’m scared of a woman?”

30. “Be you. No one else can.”

28. “You’re still mad?”

61. “They didn’t just find out. They already knew!” 

48. “We’ve become the clingy couple that you used to complain about.”

38. “You leave whenever you feel like it.” & 40. “Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it.”

87. “Stay awake.” 

40. “The kids, they ambushed me.” 

49. “Safety first. What are you? FIVE?”

128. “Don’t touch me. We’re fighting” 

Harry Song Prompt List!

13. “I see you gave him my old t-shirt.”

5. “How could you ever turn her down?”

12. “I’m selfish, I know.”

3. “She’s an angel.” & 5. “How could you ever turn her down?”

1. “Give me some morphine.” & 15. “Tell me that you’re sorry, too.”

Song Inspiration!

Sorry by Halsey

Ease by Troye Sivan

13 Beaches by Lana Del Rey

Series!

Distant (pt. II) (pt. III) - The one where Harry cheats on Y/N.

Steady Heart (pt. II) (pt. III) (pt. IV) - The one where Harry needs to increase his media exposure with a steady heart.

S U I T S : - The one where most of Harry’s iconic suits remind him of memories of Y/N.

  1.  {PINK} 
  2. {YELLOW}
  3. {RED}

Just A Warning (pt. II) - The one where Harry and Y/N are childhood bffs and she warns him about the gold diggers of girlfriends he has.

Gotta Get Better (pt. II) (pt. III)  - The one where Harry and Y/N are singers, break up and write songs about each other. 

Social Media Prompts!

Harry announcing his missus’ first pregnancy (Instagram).

Instagram PDA. (Instagram)

The missus surprises Harry and he tweets about it. (Twitter) 

Harry captioning the missus’ picture with his lyrics. (Instagram)

Tony being your sugar daddy + a “boobs guy” would include:

pairing: tony x reader

warnings: oh no hide your children this is about women willingly using their bodies and benefitting from it

a/n: hello i’m back after 4 months having graduated high school and being a bigger tony slut than ever before

also this is the longest “would include” i have ever written but i’ve been getting requests for this for months and it took me forever to get around to writing so enjoy

Keep reading

2

Requested by: 

Annon 1:
Can you do a Bill S. imagine where he’s at an interview and he gets all blushy and cute when they start showing pictures of you two together and you guys always slay red carpet events 💗           

Annon 2:
Can you do one where Bill is telling the story of him scarring his wife (reader) and she hits him out of instinct and immediately she feels bad about it? Thanks💛

Pairing: Bill Skarsgard x Reader      

A/N: Woooow! thanks for all the likes and good vibes with my previous writing, that means a lot to me <3 here’s another one because my crush on Bill is getting bigger and bigger :3 sorry for my bad english and I hope you like it <3

Title: Social experiment

They were just a few days before the world premiere of ‘It’ film, which was expected to be a success due to good reviews from websites such as Rotten Tomatoes among others, Bill had been invited to an interview to Ellen DeGeneres Show and he was more than excited to talk about the movie, so there he was, behind the scenes waiting to be introduced by Ellen to enter to the small stage, suddenly heard his name and entered as he was told.

He ran into a huge crowd which applauded and screamed to see him, his wife was in the front row and stood up like everyone else to receive him

Ellen greeted him and made some strange grimace at noting his large height, especially because she wasn’t very tall, she told him to sit on a small beige couch, Ellen sat in front of him on another identical couch.

“wooow… what a good genetics” the audience laughed

“thank you” replied Bill, smiling at her

“Well, Bill, your siblings Alexander and Gustaf have already been here, both agreed to kiss me, I hope you do too, it’s for a social experiment” the audience laughed and Bill too

“Oh Ellen!, I wish I could support you in your social experiment, but you know, my wife is among the public and I doubt she’s very happy with it” The audience laughed even harder and the camera focused on Y/N, his wife, who also laughed

“Look at her, I’m sure she will agree to support me in my experiment” The camera refocuses on Y/N and could read on her lips saying, “go ahead” and Bill laughed ashamed buried his face in his hands, they were always this playful and they loved to make a fool of each other from time to time “Well, I have her approval Bill, but we can leave it for later. Now I want to focus on your new movie, It, where you play Pennywise”

“That’s right”

“Then, tell us, how someone as handsome as you, can play this devilish and horrible clown”

“You just said it, you know, it’s in my genetics to play psycho and attractive characters”

“Were you an It fan before you got the role?”

“Well, I remember watching the 90’s movie, and I also remember sleeping with the light on for the rest of the year, so I could say yes, I was a fan”

“We already know that your wife is here with us, you have a short time being married, am I wrong?”

“We’ll celebrate our first anniversary next month” he smiled victorious “we’re excited about it”

“Oh wow! Congratulations Bill, look, here we have some pictures of you two” on the big screen behind them began to appear images of they both in different places, walking her French Bulldog, going to Starbucks and especially on red carpets and movie premieres “You both look very in love, eeh” Bill began to feel his cheeks burn and he gave a shy giggle

“We are, Ellen, Y/N is one of my favorite people in the world, she knows how to show up the best of me in the worst moments” The public said an ‘awwwwweee’, seeing to Bill so in love” I mean, every time I see her, I feel like the first moment I met her”

“How did you meet her?”

“I was visiting my brother Gustaf on Vikings set, she’s part of the cast and was wearing those weird clothes…. I could only think “that woman’s so hairy” then I realized that it was the makeup” The public laughed out loud and Ellen too

“What did she say to you when you told her that you were chosen for the role of Pennywise the dancing clown?”

“She was like ‘Fuck yes, dance to me clown daddy’” Y/N laughed along with the public and her face turns red like a tomato because those were the exact words that she had used when her husband told her that he would play Pennywise

“It’s not going to be necessary to ask her if she’s fan of the book” said Ellen, who was laughing too

“Not at all”

“I heard that both are very pranksters, and that you love to make each other all kind of heavy jokes” on the screen appear small videos taken from Y/N Instagram, where she scared Bill on countless occasions and he fell in each one of her jokes, from the smallest to the worst “We found this video on Finn Wolfhard Instagram“ a short video where Y/N appeared entering Bill’s trailer on ‘It’ set, was on the screen “We don’t have much information, we only know that Finn was dying with laughter and decided to publish it with the caption  ‘LMAO, HE DESERVES THIS, SHE’S MY IDOL’  Do you want to tell us a little more about this?” she asked

Before he could say a word, Bill started to laugh and took a drink of water “Actually, there’s a very good story behind that video, it almost cost me my fiancée, but it was worth it, until a certain point of course.  You’ll see, Y/N had made me a very heavy, like really heavy joke, so I had planned my revenge and Finn had agreed to help me, we were in the city filming some scenes, my car was in the workshop and Y/N had me taken to the set in the morning and would pick me up at night, about eight o’clock, so… She arrived and she already knew that she could park the car in my place. She called me by the phone and said she was waiting for me, but I told her to get off the car and wait for me on my trailer because I was talking with Andy and it was going to take a few more minutes. Actually, I was in my trailer, full dressed as Pennywise, even my makeup artist was behind all this because she accepted to wait to remove my makeup once I had fulfilled my plan. Then, Finn was hiding in front of my trailer and filming everything from the outside, I had left my phone inside recording everything and then he would help me to edit it. I was hidden in my trailer and the lights were completely off, I heard Y/N approached and opened the door. She couldn’t turn on the light when she tried and it was when my revenge began.  ‘Hi Y/N’, I said in my Pennywise voice and I started to laugh, ‘You’ll float too’ and I appeared in the dark laughing like a maniac, making all that clown stuff and running towards her, but instead of being scared or I dunno know, perhaps by instinct, she hit me in the face and then in my throat or she tried, but I fell to the ground and my nose began to bleed exaggeratedly” the public and Ellen began to laugh and Y/N put her hands hiding her face feeling guilty again “She approached me and when she saw my state, she panicked and pulled me out of the trailer, that’s where you can see Finn laughing at saw my nose bleeding, Y/N instantly repented, well, she repented and then when we went to the hospital, I still full dressed as a clown to get x-rays and realize that my nose wasn’t broken, she said “you deserve it”, that’s when I decided not to bother my wife never again when she just arrived from her kick boxing class”

“Did you sleep on the couch that night?”

“Uhhm, not exactly, she felt really bad for hitting me, my nose was very swollen”

“She’s lucky not having sanctions for domestic violence in her records, uh?” Ellen joked “What about kids?  Have you planned to have any?  You would give us very beautiful babies”

“Oh, thank you, Ellen” Bill laughed “But we’re not interested yet. Both Y/N and I are very focused on our careers, maybe in the future, but not now”

“That sounds good Bill!  And just to say goodbye, could you make that characteristic Pennywise’s smile?”

“Of course, for which camera?”

“Number two” Bill turned to the camera and made the smile, the audience applauded and gets excited “thank you Bill! I hope to have you here again very soon!”

“I hope so  Ellen, it was a pleasure” He stands up to say goodbye and Ellen kissed him for her “social experiment” the audience applauded and Bill turns red with embarrassment, he had completely forgotten about that…

requests are open! (x)

MASTERLIST

Analysis: Astro as Boyfriends...

To the anon that requested this: I sincerely apologize about how ridiculously long this is;;; it’s like rly long i’m so sry but once you get me started on Astro as BFs, I could go on for hours, okay? like they’d be the best boyfriends EVER don’t fight me on this <3 T~T

JinJin

  • literally the softest boyfriend in the world
  • always wants to make sure you’re happy and comfortable
  • if you’re not though
  • he becomes like this unstoppable pillar of emotional and physical reassurance and support <3
  • he’ll always snuggle you until you feel better
  • or until you’re ready to talk about whatever’s bothering you
  • loves to bear-hug you from behind
  • and just totally wrap you up in his arms
  • SUCH a good listener
  • incredibly patient!!
  • loves showing off for you but gets embarrassed about it easily
  • buys you little presents all the time
  • just lil things
  • like “i saw this and thought of you” type of gifts
  • bc you’re always lowkey on his mind
  • lowkey what am i saying?? ur highkey on his mind

now.

  • let’s talk about skinship =u=

Keep reading

10

#kdramawomensweek: day 8 // age of youth love-fest | happy international women’s day!

So I pretty much put together some of my favorite scenes from Age of Youth. They’re all scenes that really hit me hard emotionally or just personally resonated with me. When Jin Myung, whose feelings have slowly been bubbling underneath the surface, finally overflows with emotion, full of rage and agony. She finally demands the apology she’s been silently asking for. When she fell to the floor in sobs, I cried with her. I felt that grief. When Yi Na realizes she’s been holding herself back and finally lets herself go. Dammit, that scene just hit me. When Eun Jae blows up and just begs for the housemates to be nice to her I could personally relate to her pain and just how nervous she must have felt to finally let that out and tell these almost strangers how alienated they made her feel and how much it had hurt her. That’s not easy.

As you can see, most of my favorite scenes include the girls all together. The relationship that developed between these girls, different in pretty much every way, from being strangers just living in a house together to sisters that loved and protected each other in any way they could was really the main strength of the show. Even that hilarious scene when the girls beat up Eun Jae’s boyfriend because they think he’s some stranger out to hurt her shows just how willing they are to protect each other. I mean, they burst out of the house the second they heard Eun Jae scream. The girls immediately went to comfort Ye Eun when she finally broke up with a boyfriend she loved so much. And when Eun Jae finally comes home after being out all night, the girls just hug her, saying that everything is okay because she’s here and she’s safe. I’m tearing up just thinking of the scene. That love for each other that made them one of the best friendships of 2016 and just in general.

What I love about the girls individual stories is the journey they went through during the drama and where they ended up. They don’t end the drama suddenly complete and whole, but you know they’ve set themselves on that track. They learn to start forgiving and loving themselves. The ghosts they’ve lived with are never completely gone but they’re not held back and tortured by them anymore.

Anyway, what I really want to say is that I love these girls so so so so so much. There’s really nothing I can say that can convey the amount of love I have for this drama and the Belle Epoque girls. It warms my heart when I think of them and I’m just so happy there’s going to be a season 2.

Yuri on Ice interview translation - Animage 2017/01 (p20-23)

I was going to post this last week but gave priority to the BD stuff. This will be the final interview from the booklet that came with January Animage! There’s still an interview with Kenji Miyamoto left untranslated, but it will be taken care of by @whiteboxgems​ whenever she has time! I’ll reblog it when it’s around.

This is actually 2 interviews, I’m posting them together because they were one after the other and (main reason) because the second one is very short.
A few notes below to better understand the interviews.

The first one is with Yuuichirou Hayashi, the one who created the ending (ED = ending by the way) footage. I have the feeling someone previously posted translations of the captions under the ED screenshots, but I don’t remember where and I’m pretty sure it was just the captions and not the interview parts, so here you have it complete. This one is pretty interesting because he explains in detail how they created the ED, and has some extra information on cut scenes etc. Definitely a must read in my opinion!

The second one is a short interview with Kayoko Ishikawa, the one who did the costume designs. Here you might think: didn’t Chacott design the costumes? I’ll explain. It’s more or less like with Mitsurou Kubo and Tadashi Hiramatsu: Kubo created the original designs for the characters, from scratch, and Hiramatsu transformed them into designs specifically created for animation, therefore with simpler lines, detailed expression sheets and so on. Likewise, Chacott did the original designs for the costumes, from scratch, based on the indications by Yamamoto and Kubo, and then the anime’s costume designer simplified and modified them so that they would be suitable to be animated. (Before actually animating them there’s a further step: the anime’s color designer is going to decide the exact colors, shadows and highlights included, that will be used inside the anime. I translated an interview with the color designer Izumi Hirose some time ago)

I usually don’t add pictures but this time I felt that it would be better to add them as an immediate reference. However, they are just for reference and are not meant to be visually stunning, so please bear with the quality because I just took photos of the magazine with my phone and quickly edited them.

Translation under the cut! (kind of image-heavy)

***If you wish to share this translation please do it by reblogging or posting a link to it***

***Re-translating into other languages is ok but please mention that this post is the source***

Keep reading

6

After about six months of making (and keeping it a secret), my Mel cosplay is finally here! The portal gun and boots were made from scratch using EVA foam and a few other materials like the wires and lights, and the suit was a boiler suit altered by my mum and I :).

Portal Stories: Mel is honestly such an important and meaningful game to me, and I’ve never seen a cosplay of Mel before so I decided to do it myself. I’m really excited to finally be showing this to you guys, because I’ve been keeping it a secret for so long! The community I’ve met (and become a part of) since I finished playing the game is so lovely, so I’m sooo happy to share this with you all.

Honestly, I could talk for a lot longer about what the game means to me, but I might make that a separate post instead! In the meantime, I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I did while making it :).

(please don’t repost or remove watermark/caption! thank you!) 

Click pictures for higher resolution!

youtube

Christopher “Kit” Marlowe was an Elizabethan playwright, friend of William Shakespeare, and a gay atheist spy. Let’s talk about that. 

(video does have closed captions) 

Full text transcript below the cut

Keep reading

Mother’s Day

REQUEST: Can you write like a super fluffy blurb where it’s mother’s day and Harry and your kids just wake you up with cuddles and kisses and (like your other one-shot My Love, My Life My Always) he shares a pic of you and your kids cuddling and laughing and its pure fluuuffffff


A few of you have also been asking for fluff recently, so here it is! Sending so much love to you all. x


“C’mon, bugs…nice an’ quiet now.”

“We know Daddy, yeh don’t have to keep remindin’ us,” your little boy explained, causing you to giggle quietly from your place in bed.

Usually you would be up and out of bed already, preparing breakfast with Harry before you needed to go wake your twins up for the day. But Harry had made a huge fuss the night before about you getting the chance to sleep in—however, your sleep schedule had been to synced to your children and your morning routine that you had been laying in bed awake for a half an hour now.

You closed your eyes and tried to stay as still as possible when you heard your bedroom door open slowly. Harry’s steps were paired with another set of quicker ones, and it took everything you had in you not to flip over and look at your loves.

“Daddy, can we wake her up now?” Your son whispered as quietly as he could manage, which was still pretty loud.

“Yes, go wake her, loves.”

You waited a few seconds, hyperaware of your breathing and whether or not it would be fast or slow enough.

Suddenly, you heard two pairs of little feet pattering against the floor as your babies ran into your bedroom.

“MUMMY!”

Keep reading

Here we go again..................

That MTV interview with the photographer was a well written piece of propaganda for “Bare with me”, basically saying that love is love, and it is beautiful in all forms. The stuff about Lauren and Lucy was all propaganda to prop up the narrative.

The photographer and the wardrobe lady were only saying what they were advised to say. LIES! (though the wardrobe lady decided to fuck the narrative a bit with the “sisterly and maternal connection”) Management did the same thing with DWTS. Val was advised to lie about when and where he had his first meet up with Normani for DWTS. They had been rehearsing for days before that Houston Rodeo, yet they wanted to push the narrative to the general public that the girls were in on the surprise, and helped introduce Mani to her dance partner. Why? To show how much they support her decision to do her own thing.

My point is, they (management) have no problem getting outside forces, other than the girls, to help sell their narrative. The ladies who did that photo-shoot with Lauren and Lucy are no different. Why have the photographer say what she said? They needed someone, other than Lauren or Lucy, to confirm that Laucy was real, to prove that Camren wasn’t. That one interview killed three birds with one stone. It confirmed Laucy, destroyed Camren, then destroyed Laucy, all at the same damn time. Brilliant actually.

Keep reading