i never knew i had this feeling

anonymous asked:

I just want to say that I relate to this chapter on a spiritual level. I suffered from depression for 8 years. My dad was everything to me but he died from lung cancer when I was 14. My mom was absent my whole life even tho she was alive. So he was my only family. I became suicidal after that. I isolated myself from everyone n I always had this nagging feeling that nobody loved me even tho I had my grandparents and my best friend all the time. I met my husband when I started my college. (1)

He’s a really serious person. He comes from a totally​ different culture and religion. I liked him bc he didn’t treated me like a damsle in distress. He knew something was wrong with me. One day from out of the blue I told him everything. I knew I liked him a lot but I never thought he’d support me like that. He alone convinced me to seek help. I remember the first we were together n it was really emotional. Bc it was the first time I was completely without a mask in 6 long years. (2)

I was kind of surprised bc I thought he was kind of cold towards emotions. It took me 3 more years to recover properly. But it’s the hard truth about depression is that u never recover properly. I’ll always have tht big hole in my heart bc nobody can take my dad’s place but u can learn to make more space for other people who care about u. I’d love to give Ishida a hug for portraying this sex scene with so much maturity. I’m always thankful to Ishida for this proper presentation of depression/end 

A big reason for Tokyo Ghoul’s popularity is that it comes from the deepest, darkest part of Ishida’s mind, and it’s a place that a lot of people recognise. In your story there are definite echoes of both Kaneki’s and Touka’s storylines, and as you point out, sex can have a huge impact on your entire way of thinking. The Seinen genre allows TG to explore all of life’s colours, from the most gory, depressing, and violent, to the sexual, sensual and sublime. TG doesn’t shy away from any of it, because as you say here, it’s important that people hear it. And whatever Ishida writes about, he writes it beautifully.

It’s for that reason that people can find solace in the characters he writes about, and by writing them he reinforces their right to exist, in a way. Draws attention to the depressed, lonely, forgotten, and confused individuals who get swept away and disregarded by a society that prefers to stick its head in the sand until they pass on by. That’s what great horror, great tragedy, great romance can do: cleanse you of your own regrets, sins and anxieties by recreating them in a manner that can only be called beautiful. For me, I know I experience that kind of catharsis with everything about Kaneki.

Basically Ishida is just totally awesome and thank you anon for having the bravery to tell your story to demonstrate that.

  • Friend: are you ok?
  • *In My Head*: Valjean never knew that Javert committed suicide did he? When he told him to meet him at Rue Plumet and he never came, he must have been so happy thinking Javert has learned mercy. If he had known that Javert committed suicide what would he have done? He would probably feel so horrible about it, maybe even going as far as to blame himself
  • Me: I'm fine

i never understood the saying, “home is where the heart is” until one day i was laying in bed feeling out of place, i kept thinking “i want to go home” despite being in my own bed, that’s when i realized what i really meant was that i wanted to be wherever you were. it was then that i knew i loved you more than i had ever thought. you are my first love and i wouldn’t trade it for the world.

A Lesson in Love (Confessions)

Summary: (College!AU) In which you’re assigned to write a story about romance, a subject you know nothing about, and Bucky, a hopeless romantic, offers you his assistance.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 3,178

A/N: The tag list for this story is officially CLOSED. Also, this is not the end of story.

“A Lesson in Love” Masterlist + Soundtrack

@avengerstories - The messages you sent me after editing this part let me know that I had successfully tugged on all of the right heartstrings, so thank you for that.

Originally posted by ditchthevillian

Whenever an uncomplicated task arises, people say it’s as easy to accomplish as breathing. The adage always made perfect sense to you whenever you heard it. Breathing is second nature. It can be done without having to think twice and, sometimes, it feels like certain tasks are the same way.

Today, that’s not the case. Standing here across from Bucky for the first time in weeks, you find that breathing is anything but easy. The air was knocked out of your lungs as soon as you stumbled upon the note he wrote on the canvas and you haven’t yet recovered. You have to keep reminding yourself to breathe, just breathe. But it’s hard. How are you supposed to remember to inhale and exhale in a moment like this?

“Are you going to say something?” You press, once the silence of the room becomes too unbearable. Your fingers curl tightly around the canvas as you wait for Bucky to speak. “Anything?”

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I don’t expect people to understand what it feels like to be me; to live my life and face my daily struggles. I don’t even wish they understood, because understanding what I go through every day would take experiencing it first hand – and I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone…
So I don’t mind when people say inconsiderate things or wonder why I’m always tired because I know they’ve never had to consider the effects that a never-ending internal battle can have on a person or wonder if they’ll ever experience another ‘normal’ day again… So no, I don’t wish they knew what it felt like to be me because nobody should ever have to feel like this…
But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish I knew what it felt like to be them…
→ all that is gold (m)

Originally posted by chimtae


Sub!BTS collab

pairing → Taehyung x Reader

genre → roommate!au + sugar baby!au, smut, angst

warnings sub!taehyung, skype sex, masturbation, orgasm denial, possessiveness, slight breath play, oral sex, dirty talk, thigh riding, tae ends up sort of a switch? idk

☆ word count → 11.2k

☆ summary → As a college student struggling to make ends meet, Taehyung resorts to a less than ethical method to satisfy his appetite for expensive treats. The last thing he wants is for you to find out how he acquires the Gucci in his closet… however this proves to be difficult when you are his roommate.

or : Taehyung is a sugar baby and somehow thinks he can keep this a secret


☆ a/n → ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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From The Dining Table

13 Hours Later.

When she woke up, she was still alone.

Initially, she’d forgotten all about the night before. The first thing she noticed was the strange buzzing sound of the thermostat in the corner, which was obviously not working at all because the room was freezing. The chilly air nipped at her cheeks, and she snuggled further into the mattress as she tucked her head into the comforter with a soft whimper, trying to ignore the buzzing in her head.

Her eyes were still stinging from her tears the night before mixed with the lack of sleep. She’d managed to finally drift off at around four in the morning, but she couldn’t tell by the window whether it was eight in the morning or two in the afternoon.

Their screams from the night before still echoed in the walls.

She slid the covers off of her head and opened her eyes slowly, staring at the pale yellow motel ceiling. It was the color of Easter yellow, she’d decided, and it reminded her of chocolate and gardens and everything happy. It reminded her of some distant life where she probably would have done something to be proud of.

The ache in her chest resonated throughout her entire body, and her head was pounding to the rhythm of her heart—it was the only way she could be sure it was still beating.

She felt like someone had torn it out of her chest.

She turned onto her side and looked at the space in the bed beside her, clutching onto the soft material of the comforter until her knuckles turned white. Waking up on her own wasn’t new to her—she’d done it time and time again in the past two years, so much that she’d become numb to the loneliness that came with it. But this time was different…

This time, she knew he wasn’t coming back.

She suddenly felt a tear roll down her face, and just like that, she couldn’t get him out of her head.

He was everywhere.

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Listen. It wasn’t like she showed up in my life and changed anything and everything. She did not put this mangled wreck of pieces back together and things were not even close to being magically better when she walked right into my life. What she did do, was she made me feel safe. She made me feel smart and beautiful and finally like I had some worth. She made me hopeful– for a better life… a better future. She made me want things I never knew I wanted. This isn’t some heroic love story where she saves me– it’s one where she makes me want to save myself.
—  5/15/17
like real people do p.2 | jungkook

summary: the feelings for your friends with benefits are changing. months pass, and you feel your gut telling you that you want more. you’re just not sure if he feels the same.

college student!reader, friends with benefits!jungkook

piece 1, piece 2

this component is based off russ’s cherry hill

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I’ve been re-listening to TAZ from the beginning, and it really is striking how much of a tonal shift the end of Petals to the Metal is. That really is where everything started to change, and the show took on a gravity and a level of emotional engagement that I don’t think anyone (including Travis, Justin, and Clint) really expected, or even knew they were capable of.

I will never forget the first time I heard that episode. I had just left work and was stuck in terrible traffic in the middle of a searingly hot Tennessee summer, so I put on the episode, excited to see how the boys would save the day this time. And over the course of the next twenty minutes or so, I felt my whole body begin to tense and my focus narrow.

When I heard Hurley’s soft, laughing, “You’re in trouble,” my chest started to feel tight. And then as Griffin started to describe the tree, and I heard Discovery and Recovery for the first time, I just broke. Right there, in the middle of standstill traffic, tears started rolling down my face. It hit me like a truck. I just cried and cried for a solid five minutes.

This show has come to embody this incredible and at times delicate tension between absurdity and depth, and I think that part of the reason it has come to mean so much to me and so many other people is that it started out as, well, a game. As pure play, just for the fun of it. And the first two goof-filled arcs gave the boys time to build the most silly and unique characters they could. I don’t think this show would have had the same weight if they had started out with the goal of making a Serious Podcast. But over the months, they became invested, and we got invested along with them. It just sort of happened. And then Griffin took that and turned it into something kind of amazing.

I’m just kind of rambling at this point, but this show means a lot to me, and listening to it over again, I appreciate more and more that the McElroys have cared enough to help this show evolve into something beautiful and hilarious and more dear to me than I ever could have anticipated when I heard that first episode.

Texts Between Bros- Julian Dahl Edition

(All of the blames goes to THIS post.)

Jonas: Isakyakiiii

Isak: what up bruh. Also Magnus I need my bong back, man.

Jonas: do you remember Kristoffer?

Isak: i have never heard that name in my life.

Mahid: you also suck at remembering names. it took you like 3 months to remember mine

Isak: i also didn’t like you 

Mahdi: yeah feeling was mutual

Even: Isak didn’t like you? 

Mahdi: hell no. paranoid that I’d steal jonas from him

Jonas: KRISTOFFER. used to comment on all of your insta pics isak?

Isak: ????

Jonas: juliandahl.

Isak: OH LOL. Yeah i remember him! whatever happened to him?

Jonas: he got boyfriend and then broke up with him and then stopped me in the hall today to ask for your number

Even: what

Isak: I KNEW IT. I knew he had a thing for me!

Jonas: apparently big time.

Isak: he was cute. tall, brown hair, denim jacket.

Even: i’m super cute too… tall…brown hair… denim jacket

Jonas: clearly isak has a type

Mahdi: Jonas: tall… brown hair… denim jacket? 

Even: well fuck

Isak: <3 <3

Magnus: Isak buddy i may have broken your bong. Also Even don’t worry we all know you’re the cutest

2

love is love is love // 6.14.16

skam and the depiction of Islam : homophobia in islam

there’s a huge problem. a huge one.

in season three, when isak attacked sana on her faith, she reacted aggressively and had every right to do so. I would have done the same thing. she tried to show him how void his argument was.

by pointing out that by the standards of science, being gay was wrong.

sure, it was just a rhetorical device to get him to shut up and she apologized later on.

still, that entire scene felt really, really wrong to me. it didn’t feel like sana, the sana I knew and love. because sana would never, ever, embrace prejudices and hatred of those in pain just to shut up an ignorant white boy.

like… that’s the thing. it didn’t feel like she was playing pretend. it genuinely sounded like she was defending something she believed to be partially and at some level, true. or defendable. something she was ACCUSTOMED to hear. something she was okay with saying out loud.

I fucking hated that, seeing it. it made me upset for weeks, as a gay muslim.

and now, this.

I understand mikael taking his distance. I understand the guys doing the same. honestly, thats realistic.

what I don’t understand is why Julie and her team thought it’d be wise to picture them LAUGHING about even and what happened, in their channel. it makes no sense. they’re sweet, kind boys. it makes literally no sense.

and it gets worse because she felt the need to single out yousef, to depict him as the one not to laugh at even’s pain. as the one who feels compassionate and human enough to show some decency.

yousef. the one that renounced islam.

now, thats demonizing the faith. thats demonizing the boys as muslims. thats making a clear link between Islam and the hatred and oppression of gay people. it’s subtle, sure. but it’s definitely there.

and I’m not okay with that. at all.

yes, a lot of muslims do believe being gay is haram. they won’t talk to me. they say I’m a tool of the western world, sick, wrong and going to jahannam. but guess what ? just like a lot of non muslims, christians or otherwise.

homophobia is not dictated by the qu'raan. the tale of Lut was interpreted as a cautionary tale about what shall befall those who practice it. INTERPRETED. it’s not what it says.

a lot of muslims are gay, bi, trans. we exist. we’re not haram. we’re not a paradox. we have lives in our communities.

and for julie to take it upon herself to depict islam as inherently homophobic like that…. she has no right to do that. it’s not her story, not her community, not something she has had to live with. she’s coming at them from a place of power and it’s very, very wrong.

edit : this post is gaining way too many notes so I’m just gonna specify that I’m obviously talking about a western context of things, from the point of view of someone residing in the west. this is a show written by a white woman and it is very much about islam seen through the lens of europe. I am not attempting to defend the stance that islam in its general and global practice is devoid of homophobia because that’s simply false and that would be an insult to non straight muslims living outside the west and what many of them endure. I am very much aware of it and is not at all trying to erase them or to dismiss it for the sake of fighting the islamophobia I face here.

I’m forever thankful for ALL Jennifer Morrison has done for Once and the fandom. She’s been such a strong voice for her character and never failed to show how much Emma Swan meant to her.

For me personally, I’ll be forever grateful and thankful to the support she showed Captain Swan specifically. In all the time I’ve been shipping, I’ve never had the actors be respectful of the ships in the way both Jen and Colin have been towards Captain Swan. To see the actors who portray the characters on your OTP talk openly and POSITIVELY about said OTP?! That very rarely happens. Even if the ship is canon and endgame. But Jen and Colin have always held a sort of respect for Captain Swan and it’s made the experience of shipping the characters that much richer because you knew the people at the helm were treating it as importantly as you feel it is/was.

So yeah, thank you so much Jen. I’ll always cherish how you showed such reverence to something I love so much and will forever be grateful to you for it.

Theories (Peter Quill)

Pairing: Peter Quill x OC

Warnings: None…tiny, tiny spoiler for Vol. 2

A/N: This might be complete crap, but I desperately needed to write some Quill. I hammered this out earlier this morning and just did a quick edit, no rewriting. But hopefully it’s post worthy! I think a second part is in order? xD


Originally posted by despairingfever

The sound of bickering voices drifted back from the cockpit, making me roll my eyes. I lowered the manuscript I was flipping through.

“Will you two morons cut it out already?” I hollered. I waited a beat, but the arguing went on. Probably hadn’t even heard me. Anyways, it wasn’t my job to break up the idiotic pissing contest that went on between Rocket and anyone he met. Or at the moment, Drax.

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Understand

MASTERLIST

Request: y/n being insecure about herself and about love.

Word count: 2,534

Cracking noises from the flames in the beige brick fireplace hanging on the wall, filled the otherwise silent living room. These faint but warm noises always made me feel somehow calm.

I loved the heat filling up the room, I loved shutting my eyes and listen to the flames crack slowly, I loved how it all felt like home to me.

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Guest: Part 1

You ask Harry to be your date to a wedding. But just as friends, of course…

————————————————————————————————-

Originally posted by intoyouharryarchive

You had never been more perplexed over the word, “Guest”.

The wedding invite in your hand had arrived at your door a few hours prior and, while the upcoming wedding itself wasn’t news (you had known that your two friends would end up getting married arguably before they did), the little “(Y/N) + Guest” notation at the bottom was unexpected. You currently weren’t dating anyone and hadn’t been for quite a while; at least long enough for your friends not to assume that you would be bringing someone.

But, there it was, in plain, black ink: (Y/N) + Guest.

You bit your lip and read the invite again, wondering if maybe they had just allotted one guest for everyone because they had a huge budget. All of your other close friends were already invited to the wedding in the first place; who on earth were you expected to bring?

It was one friend’s suggestion of, “What about Harry?” that currently had you in fits of nerves and bouts of overthinking. Harry was a pal, sure, but you certainly weren’t close enough to him that you could just waltz right up and ask him to be your date to a wedding. He didn’t even know the bride and groom, but he did know many of your other friends that would be in attendance.

It wasn’t that you weren’t friendly with Harry. You had known each other probably about five years now and always ended up hanging out whenever he was around, though it was typically in a group. You got along well, laughed a lot, enjoyed the same things and had a lot in common. But you weren’t close. He wasn’t the type that you would just call up on a Friday night if you were bored; you were way too self conscious to do that, even though he didn’t act like Harry Styles when he was around you.

He was also incredibly good looking and charming, and that scared you. The idea of being seen at a wedding with Harry Styles just felt like you were opening yourself up for ridicule. You were generally okay with how you looked, but Harry was like a Greek god compared to pretty much everywhere else.

Truth be told, you had a bit of a crush on him. It was a harmless crush, because when he was away you didn’t really think about him at all, but he did manage to make you nervous and give you butterflies every time you saw him.

The idea of asking Harry to be your wedding date had been pinching at the back of your mind for weeks now. The wedding was still a few months away, but you still hadn’t sent in an RSVP to confirm whether you were coming alone or with someone else.

“Have you asked him yet?”

That was the first question your friend consistently asked you ever since she had suggested it. Your response was always the same and becoming a bit exasperating, if you were being honest.

“How am I supposed to ask him?”

Your friend crossed her arms and gave you a smirk.

“Well…how about, ‘Hey Harry, would you like to come to this wedding with me?’”

You sighed, throwing yourself back on your bed and bringing your arms up to cover your face.

“I can’t just ask him like that! It would be weird.”

“I feel like it wouldn’t be…”

“I don’t know him that well.”

“You’ve known him for four years!”

“Yeah, but we never hang out alone!”

“He’d say yes.”

“You don’t know that.”

“No, but I have a pretty good idea.”

Your conversations went on like this until your friend finally got tired of arguing with you. The rational part of your mind knew that, in all likelihood, Harry would say yes if you asked him. As long as he was around and didn’t have any other plans, he had no real reason to turn you down. But the part of your brain that kept overthinking things – the one that was usually in the forefront – had run through 50 different scenarios in which you asked him and he said no, or you just ended up making a complete fool of yourself.

Finally, you couldn’t put off your RSVP any longer; the wedding was drawing near and your friends needed numbers. Harry had been in London for quite a while now, with a few quick trips to the US scattered here and there, but you had seen him more in the last six months than you had in the past few years.

“Ask him!” your friend hissed, almost shoving you in Harry’s direction as you and a large group of your friends were just about to leave a restaurant.

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Stoned On You

A/N: Hiii. This is a collaboration with me and @minhosmeanhoe . We figured out  that we’re the same person with the same dirty mind and this was the outcome. This is the longest and most smut I’m sure either of us has ever written in our lives and I hope you guys love reading as much as we loved writing it ! The song that goes with this fic is Stoned On You by Jaymes Young

Warnings: smut; smoking (weed), drinking, mentions of violence, hair pulling; I’m sure there is more but idk rn

Word Count: 12,529

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Lover Boy - Jeff Atkins Smut (Requested)

Requested by @cra-zy-vib-ess14 this one is for you! I had a lot of fun doing this and it came pretty naturally that I even wrote it the same day I got the requested, you lucky duck haha! Anyway I hope you enjoy, and everyone else who reads this! Don’t be afraid to request something yourself but be aware writing takes time and you may not get your request answered asap. Thank you for reading and enjoy ♡

Warning: smut, public, rough

Originally posted by alcantara420

I sat next to Justin pointing out how he had done the math equation wrong by putting the x in the wrong spot, he groaned and ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up in frustration.

“Why is this so hard for me?” He mumbled mainly to himself, I guessed so I reassuringly patted his shoulder and said, “that’s what I’m here for, to help you get better and make this easier” I offer him a smile and he nods going back to his work.

I look around the library appreciating the quietness but I couldn’t help but feel that something was missing, I look at the desk that was usually occupied by Jeff and Clay and frowned as it was empty.

“Looking for your lover boy?” I heard Justin ask and without even looking at him I knew he had a smirk across on his lips.

I stop looking at the unoccupied desk and back at my hands on the table blushing “he isn’t my lover boy” I mumble in embarrassment.

“You wish he was though” Justin replied back with knowing tone in his voice, I looked at him and he had a small smile of his lips instead of his usual smirk “He wishes he was too” he added.

I look shocked as the words left his lips “what?” I asked confused.

“Jeff, he likes you too y/n” Justin explains now smirking at me, he softly pats my hand leaning in to say something else but then quickly pulled away, I give him a look of confusion but then notice him looking behind me.

I slowly turn and see Jeff angrily leaving the library, “what just happened?” I asked Justin concerned.

He laughs slowly closing his books “I think you better go after him, your lover boy may be jealous” I blush at the thought of Jeff getting jealous but listen to Justin leaving him to pack up his stuff and go home.

I walk outside of the library to an empty hallway, I turn a corner hoping to at least get a glimpse of Jeff but sadly I was just met with another deserted hallway “Jeff?” I call out wondering if he was even still here.

Looking intensely at the end of the corridor I didn’t notice a hand creep out of the boys’ locker room, I let out a muffled scream in an attempt to call out for help afraid one of my worst fears would be coming true as the person dragged me inside the locker room, but instead I was met with a familiar pair of blue eyes.

“Jeff” I whisper is relief, I let out an awkward chuckle “you scared me half to death” I admitted but then noticed the frustrated look painted on his face.

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i think that in being antifa, it’s useful to understand how people become nazis. Once ages ago I backread the blog of a nazi on here all the way to the beginning out of morbid curiosity, and I learned a lot from that reading. His parent are “liberal”, he used to be “liberal”, even an sjw according to him. I see a lot of other fascists, both current and former fash, whove said the same thing.

I can see paths in my life in which, had things gone differently, I was at risk of being indoctrinated. Fortunately it didn’t happen, but even though I always hated nazis since the holocaust/ww2 was and is personal to me, for much of my life it was in a more liberal way and I did not become truly antifa, that is nuanced, radical and understanding in my hatred of them, until like 2013.

this by the way i think is why liberals, politically ignorant people, etc, are at risk of being indoctrinate by fascists who just happen to use the right words to play to their insecurities and win people over. Thats also why i think its important that leftists try to win over their liberal friends if they can (whether or not its feasible to do so depends on the situation), and it will be necessary to have a little patience, speak to their concerns/experiences and find common ground with them in order to do that. (And frankly, you’re not going to find common ground with people by saying stalin is good and making gulag jokes, but i digress)

Like most polish youths, I was originally indoctrinated into the polish national victim complex, the narrative of history that frames the polish people only as victims, never as perpetrators, and as being noble for having suffered, like christ on the cross. I didn’t know anything about this until like maybe last year or something when I learned the term “christ of nations” for this complex and started thinking about it and how polish nationalist narratives happen to relate to my own family situation.

So i suspect that back when I was politically ignorant and didn’t know anything about any of this, a white nationalist could have indoctrinated me by not using nazi language, but by using polish nationalist language, pan-slavic nationalist language. I felt (and still feel) out of touch with my heritage (Diaspora Problems™) so pan-slavic nationalists could have easily played to that.

Fortunately I never met far right polish nationalists (or at least people i knew to be far right polish nationalists) until a lot later, just frustrating liberal/conservative people who grew up with the narratives normally. but if I had, im not sure what might have happened.

bleh tldr: it’s ok to understand the things you hate and in fact I believe it is practically beneficial to fighting hate.