i never knew i had this feeling

“I’m floored by the technology of the Switch, and the versatility of the console is second to none. It really is a home console that you can take anywhere. I’ve seen situations where home consoles can be transported, and it’s like a big over-the-shoulder carry-on bag, but the versatility of this thing is groundbreaking. When you un-dock the Switch from its home console and go into handheld, the controller feels the same, it is the same, and it reacts the same. The screen on the un-docked handheld system is big enough to be its own world, but small enough to carry anywhere.

I was in this confined living room space where you got lost in the game ‘cause I’m playing on this 60-inch TV, and then you un-dock and continue to play the game. They had this molecular glass, which dropped and revealed I was in the middle of the desert. I never once knew the change in environment. It’s truly, truly tremendous. In typical Nintendo fashion, I was playing Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. Now I haven’t played Legend of Zelda since the gold cartridge eight-bit versions, so I just needed to pick up and start going, and I did. The go-anywhere aspect of the game is incredible, and I know for fans of the Zelda franchise, they’re going to flip. I know for fans of Nintendo, they’re going to go crazy. Everyone is speculating about how good the game actually is—it’s going to exceed expectations and, for a dude like me, a 40-year-old [in April] who hasn’t played Zelda since the gold cartridge, I sat down and was hooked. In a matter of 30-minutes, I didn’t want to put it down.” said John Cena, WWE wrester                          

“Mario and I had been friends since the age of six. We were from the same small town in the countryside. We always kept in touch. We’d occasionally get coffee together. I knew he was gay but we never talked about it. It just didn’t come up. He never volunteered the information and I never asked. I felt that I was being respectful. At one point, I began to notice that his face was changing. He started to get very thin. But I never asked about it. Maybe I thought that he’d feel I was invading his privacy. Mario could get offended very easily. He was like a volcano. Maybe, subconsciously, I just didn’t want to get involved. When I finally knew for sure, it was too late. I visited him at the hospital the day before he died. I could only look at him through a glass window. He was covered in blankets. I felt like such an idiot. I could have asked him at any time. I could have said: ‘What are you hiding from me? Are you sick? Are you afraid I will reject you?’ Then we could have hugged each other and cried together. We could have maybe even laughed at the situation. But we never got to do that. Because I never had the balls to ask.”

(Buenos Aires, Argentina)

Masterlist 2.0

Since I did something wrong and I can’t seem to fix it (I can’t add new things to my masterlist), I’ve created a new masterlist.
I’m sorry for the inconvenience, this isn’t fun for me either :(

** = sexual content 
* = contains references of sexual content 

Happy reading!

Harry Styles
#1 But I bet you if they only knew part 1**, part 2**, part 3
#2 The wolves come out
#3 Listen to me for once
#4 Loaded gun **
#5 Something to talk about when we’re older**
#6 Feeling better?
#7 Faking it*
#8 You already had me with that bucket of ice cream
#9 Going under
#10 Love you, goodbye *
#11 Family Portrait
#12 Thank you part 1, part 2
#13 She said she’d never forget part 1, part 2
#14 Give in tonight **
#15 I want **
#16 Feverishly protective
#17 No other place
#18 A.M.  part 1**, part 2, part 3
#19 Taken ** (Niall smut), Taken 2 ** (Harry smut)
#20 Unfaithful part 1, part 2* part 3
#21 Well, if you don’t have anything else planned..
#22 Secret Love part 1, part 2
#23 Sparkling Green **
#24 Pillow Talk
#25 A little teasing
#26 One long car ride **
#27 Yes or No?
#28 A hard day
#29 Blowing out your candles **
#30 Not a Halloween party
#31 Let’s take a break part 1* ,part 2*
#32 Not done with you*
#33 Blind date part 1, part 2
#34 Just what I need part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6* part 7** part 8
#35 This isn’t so bad
#36 Last call**
#37 Bow ties and Blowjobs part 1** part 2**
#38 BBQ and Sangria part 1 part 2
#39 Lucky night**
#40 A warm hello*
#41 Shirts
#42 Treat you better

Louis Tomlinson
#1 There is nobody else

Calum Hood
#1 Dripping wet part 1** part 2**
#2 Aftershow
#3 00:06 AM**
#4 Tumblr**
#5 Support*
#6 Just  Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7** Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18* Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22**
#7 Neighbours part 1**, part 2**
#8 Grow a pair**
#9 Pledging part 1 part 2**
#10 Jealousy **
#11 Two Worlds (Halloween theme)
#12 Marry her anyway (Calum’s POV)
#13 Second chances (Halloween theme)
#14 All I wanted part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10**, part 11*, part 12*, part 13, part 14, part 15**, part 16, part 17, part 18, part 19, part 20, part 21, part 22, part 23, part 24, part 25, part 26, part 27**, part 28, part 29, part 30
#15 Halloween Horror Nights

Michael Clifford
#1 Hold your breath*

Ashton Irwin
#1 S.O.S.          
                          Part 1
                          Part 2
                          Part 3
                          Part 4
                          Part 5

More to come soon!
Lots of love,
L. xox

my head is too full of you and your lips and what it felt like to be yours. sometimes my bed feels too empty. i never had that before i met you and i hate you for taking these sheets from me. before i knew you alone was happy. losing you changed everything. nothing i used to like feels the same. i’m angry.

We had fun right? I mean I laughed every day with, or at you and I know you did the same. We would spend our days apart but messages from you made me feel less alone. 

You kept it light hearted, almost as if you knew that I needed the break from my own thoughts. Our ending wasn’t your finest hour, although maybe it was who you were but I was having such a good time that I let myself suppress caution.

You are a possessive person, I know this now. But what I should have told you from the start is that I was never yours to possess. 

Sometimes I miss the conversations we used to have. Sometimes I miss how you only knew me on the surface, how I didn’t have to explain why you don’t have to worry about me. 

Cutting contact from you was hard, because you had become a constant. But it was the right thing to do, before it was taken to a place where I couldn’t look back on our time together and smile despite the ending.

—  To a former flame, I am not sorry that we burnt out. Although, sometimes I wish I had of watched us burn a little longer.
i’m falling for you more and more every single day i think about you, and trust me, i can’t get you off of my mind. i never knew i could get as many butterflies in my stomach as i feel when i’m with you and i had no idea that anyone else could understand exactly what i’m thinking. i used to have the idea that love is nothing but pain, but with you i want to make sure you feel loved every second of the day. there’s so much i want to say to you, yet when we’re together i’d rather listen to you talk forever because i love the sound of your voice. i’ve had trust issues since i can remember yet i trust you with my entire life. they say people are never perfect but anyone who could make me feel like you do is obviously flawless. all i can do is hope that you feel the same and i’m not left swimming without a lifejacket in the middle of the ocean.
—  i’m taking a big leap and i just hope you’re there to catch me.
This morning there’s snow everywhere. We remark on it.
You tell me you didn’t sleep well. I say
I didn’t either. You had a terrible night. “Me too.”
We’re extraordinarily calm and tender with each other
as if sensing the other’s rickety state of mind.
As if we knew what the other was feeling. We don’t,
of course. We never do. No matter.
It’s the tenderness I care about. That’s the gift
this morning that moves and holds me.
Same as every morning.
—  Raymond Carver, from The Gift
I wish you peace more than anything. Now I know. I know why you weren’t capable of loving me. You weren’t used to people expressing their love for you. No one ever kissed you and told you you were beautiful. That’s why you didn’t know how to love. You didn’t know how to say I love you because these words were strangers to you. I don’t blame you nor hate you. I just wish that one day, someone will join your path and make you feel the things you never had the chance to feel with me. It’s not your fault or mine. We were never meant from the start. Deep down I knew, but I still wanted to defeat faith. Despite this unrequited love, I still loved you. A lot. Forever.
A love like that starts with a simple hello, it always does. You’ve never seen this person before, but before you’ve realized anything– you two are already a thing. Maybe she laughs too loud, maybe he’s got a potty mouth– but beneath the loud laughter, she’s a calm and gentle person, she loves to hug people, she loves to hug you. Under all of his vulgarities, he had the sweetest pair of lips, he knew the right words to say, he always made you feel safe. Maybe you’re into writing love letters, maybe you’re into love making– whatever it is, with whoever it is, it’s always sweet, there’s a hint of roughness, but it’s only ever to spice things up. Kissing means you’ve been at it for hours, you never want it to end at that point. Saying goodbye is the hardest, when’s the next time I’ll see you? I can’t get enough of you. You wanna know the saddest thing about a love like that? It always ends with a goodbye, I can only pray that the movies and books were right, this time… I will only have hello to say to you. I never want to say goodbye.
—  The hello

My dear lgbt+ daughters who don’t know if they’re lesbian or bi, 

I have been there. I knew i liked girls… But only girls? Maybe i’ll one day like a boy and just didn’t meet the right one yet? But maybe that’s just me subconsciously believing i’m not allowed to be attracted to only girls? But what if i say i’m a lesbian and then fall in love with a boy, everyone will think i was a liar.. But can i say i’m bi when i’ve never had a crush on a boy yet? 

Oh, it drove me crazy. It felt like everyone else just knew and i was the only girl with those doubts. Maybe those doubts are a sign i’m just faking? And a new train of questions started. 

If you’re in the same situation, let me tell you a secret: It doesn’t matter. 

Well, of course your label does matter. Having the right label is a great way to express your feelings, and feeling connected to a label is very comforting and empowering. I’m not saying that finding the right label is not important. I fully understand your doubts, i know how important it is for you. 

But if i could somehow travel back in time and visit younger me, i would tell her “Darling, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if you find the right label today or in a month or in three years. You will find it. You’ll figure it out. You have so much time to learn about yourself and your feelings. There’s no need to rush. So what if you use the label lesbian now and one day fall in love with a boy? So what if you use bi and later discover that you’re not actually attracted to anyone but girls? You still have time to change your label when (and if) that happens. Use whatever feels nice right now. Don’t worry so much about the what-if and just enjoy the right now. You like girls! That’s exciting!” 

I want to tell you the same thing. 

Don’t worry so much, baby girl. You’ll figure it out. 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Mom 

You cross my mind every minute it seems, whether it’s when I see something that makes me think of you or even just when it’s silent because you seem to be a part of me and I’m a part of you too. I hope that never changes. Because even in a room full of a thousand people or in between a million thoughts my mind will always make its way to you. You fill me with feelings I never knew I had. The kind of feelings that wake you up early in the morning and don’t let you fall back asleep. It took me a while to realize what you truly mean to me, under our friendship what seems like has been forever. All along you’ve been more important to me than I knew. It’s like the stars in the sky- you don’t realize their presence until you do. You make me feel so safe around you, despite everything. Your smile makes me incredibly happy. And darling, you make me basorexic. My desire for you is insane. But most of all, you make me feel at home, my love. I can’t stop myself from falling in love with you anymore.
It’s constant. I was in love with him and I knew that, but after awhile it became a typical feeling and I forgot why I loved him so much. Then, as we were lying there together, alone in the woods, staring at the trees above us, I saw him at his worst. Then I remembered. I remembered why I loved him so deeply. It was such a strong realization I had thought I had fallen in love with him all over again. You see, I don’t like when he’s at his worst, that would be terrible for me to say. I do like to see his wall come down and let him tell me how much he cares about me. He’s a guy. He normally won’t tell me he cares. But when he’s hating himself and on the verge of crying, he tells me to leave him. He tells me that if I stay he’ll hurt me and he doesn’t want to hurt me. He cares so deeply that he’s scared of the possibility that I’ll get hurt. So I told him half of what I wanted to say. I told him that even if he hurts me, he’s still the same guy I fell in love with. I left out the part about how he already has hurt me by not loving me back.
—  Excerpt from a book I will never write #1194 // MM
The reason why Yurio left

So because rewatching Yuri on Ice has become my main activity in life (and more after episode 10), I’m noticing little nuances about the first episodes that make me reconsider everything. This time is about Yurio leaving after the Onsen on Ice competition.

I had never really understood why he had left in the first place. I mean, we all knew that Victor was going to stay with Yuuri (because of plot reasons mainly), but Yurio seriously bothered to try and take Victor back to Russia. And here he just suddenly gave up, which is not quite like him.

Yurio had bothered to fly to Japan, to accept the competition, to train with Yuuri as his equal. And he didn’t really feel concerned most of the time. He was quite sure he could handle this.

He even accepted teaching Yuuri the quad Salchow, and he was not kind when doing so, but surely quite serious about it. Why? Because he didn’t really consider him a menace. He was determined to win, and Yuuri learning a new jump couldn’t stop that.

The deal here is all about Yuuri, not about Yurio. Because Yurio knew that Victor had come to Yuuri because he had been seduced at the banquet, half a year before. And just like Victor, Yurio found a Yuuri that didn’t resemble that seductive drunk guy at all.

Yurio knew that this Yuuri wouldn’t be able to keep Victor by his side like this. Not a Yuuri without that sensual and sexual power that had charmed Victor. And that power was nowhere no be seen, so Yurio wasn’t really concerned.

He had his own problems to reach his Agape, right, but that was nothing compared to Yuuri’s problems to find his Eros, and Yurio was perfectly conscious of his advantage. Even without Agape and Eros, Yurio’s confidence and technical skills were enough to effectively crush Yuuri.

It’s quite interesting because no one was really believing in Yuuri (except for Minako, maybe). Not Yuuri himself, for sure. But Nishigouri also declared that this Eros thing was not for Yuuri. Even Victor was starting to doubt that Yuuri would be able to show that attitude again. In fact, Victor was really concerned about that. He was losing confidence about his own idea to make Yuuri seductive again.

Also, technically, as many people mentioned at the time, Yurio did better. He nailed all his jumps, unlike Yuuri. And yes, he lost his Agape at the end of the performance and he wasn’t really satisfied with the whole of it, but Victor did praise him. He acknowledged him and had no critique for his performance.

But then this happened.

Yuuri managed to do find his Eros. He managed to be seductive and captivating. It was not perfect, maybe, but the Eros was there. And Yurio knew what that meant. If Victor could see the charm that he had fell for at the party in this Yuuri, then Yurio had definitely lost him. And it didn’t matter how good his performance had been, because Victor had proved himself right. He had brought back Yuuri’s Eros, which was his reason to follow Yuuri in the first place.

So the important thing here is that in no case Yurio felt inferior. He still considered himself better. He still considered he could win over Yuuri. He was still determined to crush him and he would have no mercy. In fact, he stated it quite clearly.

Yurio didn’t lose in the Onsen on Ice in terms of skill or quality of performance. He simply knew there was something between Victor and Yuuri that was unique of the two, and that he had no way to change it. This was all about Victor’s standards, not about skating. So once Yuuri showed them that his Eros was still there, Yurio knew there was nothing more he could do to bring Victor back with him.

Still, that didn’t make him in any case worse as a skater, which is the essential point here. He merely had to manage without Victor. And in the end, it doesn’t seem that was harming for him at all.

The day I met you changed everything. 
From the moment I saw you, I felt I was not lost anymore. It was the most beautiful earthquake. 

All I ever felt wasn’t like it used to be. I had never felt a feeling quite as strong before. It’s like my organs changed. 
You are my heart. And I had found you. I can’t really put it otherwise. 

On that single day, I found everything I never knew I was desperately looking for.

I’m having such a feel because-

Percy was canonically repressing his feelings for Vex because he knew it wasn’t healthy and-

I distinctly remember when they had their little quibble about gold during the Winter’s-Crest festival, when she had the money written down and he said “that’s so endearing”-

because I remember thinking, throughout the Whitestone Arc, that Vex was trying so hard to hold Percy together the whole way through Whitestone, defending him and supporting him, and he never thanked her and it frustrated me so much-

only now it makes perfect sense, because those were some of his darkest hours, the closest he had ever come to losing himself to vengeance, and he knew that. So he was just swallowing his feelings for her, over and over, the whole time. 

But then, during that festival, he had a sister and a home again, and Orthax was banished, and Vox Machina was at his side, and Vex was being painfully adorable, he finally let it slip how he felt - just a little, just once.

And I distinctly remember thinking, when that episode aired, oh, good, he loves her too.

His adventure would never be mine.

I listened closely every time he’d speak,
Because he spoke as if every word was unique,
I could tell his mind was an extraordinary place,
He was looking at the world as a magical mace,
I knew he had many wonders to meet,
His eyes showed hunger for sights beyond the sea, 
His eyes would meet mine but he gave me no signs,
No, his adventure would never be mine,
And he couldnt even give me an answer to why, 

Why I wasn’t good enough.

To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before

I turned my head with an eyebrow raised as she stepped out of her apartment building for the last time. She had a bag packed, draped over her shoulder, and a smile that made my heart stop. She really was coming with me.

 It was then that I realize that she was exactly what I had been looking for all this time.

I’ve never been good at that lovey-dovey, chick-flick moment crap, but there have been a few girls in my life that I thought I loved. 

And I owe them an apology because it turns out that the feelings I had for them weren’t love. I thought they were, but now, knowing the way I feel for Y/N… I have only every truly loved her.

Cassie. She was firey and passionate, and she knew what she wanted. Ultimately, the minute I bared my heart to her, revealed my world to her, she dismissed me as though I couldn’t be bothered to tell her the truth. Even after years apart when she found out the truth, I thought I could love her still. I had really never stopped loving her, but something was missing. 

I didn’t know it at the time, but I know what was wrong now. 

She wasn’t you. 

Lisa. She took me in when I thought I had no place to go. She offered me a home and a life outside of this life. She loved me unconditionally and never questioned the broken mess that I was. She allowed me to love Ben which may have been her greatest gift. She was the hardest to walk away from. 

In the end, my reason for leaving would be Sam, but I realize now what I didn’t know then. 

She wasn’t you. 

Part of me wishes I could go back in time and undo the time that I spent with these women because it was time spent that I could have been finding you, could have been loving you. But I realize now that those experiences made me the man that I am today. Without them, I’m not sure if I would be ready to love you as fully as I do. Without them I may never have realized that you were what I was really missing. 

So, to all the girls I’ve loved before… thank you. Thank you for opening my eyes and making me see. Making me see that I am capable of a love that is greater than myself, capable of loving so deeply it hurts, capable of laying it all on the line once I really found the right reason to. 

And Y/N, that reason is you. I think you know that, or you wouldn’t be coming with me now. 

I just want you to know those women helped make me a better man for you, but I’m so glad that I finally have you in my arms because you are what’s right in my world. You pull me from the darkness. You saved me when I was lost. You are the love of my life.

You, I could never live without. 

fred weasley had wondered if he would die during the war, so he left a letter for george. it was two pages, folded crookedly over each other and covered in fred’s careless handwriting. george found it a month after fred’s death, tucked into a crack between two floorboards in their bedroom. it was titled ‘to georgie: in case i don’t make it.’ it reminded george of all the things that they had done together in their twenty years. the things they had seen. the people they had known. so many memories, like ‘remember our grand exit seventh year? i hope you never forget the look on umbridge’s face. i know i won’t. it also said what fred knew that george could do, in the future. ‘i know that you don’t feel like a complete person without me, but you’ve always been the stronger, better half, georgie. you can do anything. build yourself a home, a family. you can miss me, but promise me that you’ll never give up. never give up on your dreams because of me, yeah?’ at the end of the letter was the last time that fred had ever signed his name, the last time that he had ever picked up a quill.

you’ll be fine. love, fred.’

(read the george edition here)