i never forget to do such thing

7.2 Shenanigans

Seeing the community’s reaction to the 7.2 launch shenanigans has really reinvigorated my work efforts. It’s easy to forget who you’re making things for when it’s just you tweaking things endlessly.

It’s never done, you know. Quest design. There are things I would still like to do in Suramar that I am never going to get to do. There are chains that I would rewrite if I had infinite time. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of perfectionism and nitpicking that you lose sight, in some ways, of the high level goals. We make cool stuff. You guys play that cool stuff and sometimes you geek out about it. That geeking out is the payoff.

That’s why I do it.

Yesterday was a shot in the arm, for me. Watching twitch chat explode when we dropped that trailer. Seeing spam of LEGS and ARGUS flying across the screen was a much-needed reminder. You guys are going to love it, and I am so glad to be a part of this community.

<3 /endrant

girlfriend just delivered me a box of candy canes and here is my new personality test to replace MBTI or astrology or whatever

  • the Cruncher: you start at the hook end and chew your candy cane to pieces. you are forthright and impatient. behind your back people call you an asshole, but lovingly. how do you cope with that much hard candy stuck in your teeth.
  • the Snapper: you start at the hook end and snap off bite-sized pieces, eating each piece before you unwrap the next segment. you are life’s natural planner. so orderly you probably use colour-coded excel spreadsheets for your groceries. you never forget to do all that seasonal cleaning apartment therapy tells me to do and i never do. like dusting your baseboards. you probably do that.
  • the Unwrapper: you start at the long end and unwrap the whole thing so you can clutch it stickily in your bare hands. you beautiful rule-breaking moth. nobody should touch a candy cane with their bare fingers. what is wrong with you.
  • the Shiv: you start at the long end and suck it into the deadliest seasonal weapon. you definitely have siblings. probably you were raised in a household where weapons as toys were discouraged. probably you’re also kind of awkwardly masochistic.

side note. if you like the fruit flavoured candy cane better than the peppermint one, you’re wrong. straight-up just wrong.

The signs as Albus Dumbledore quotes

Aries: “Age is foolish and forgetful when it underestimates youth.”

Taurus: “It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.“

Gemini: “I sometimes find, and I am sure you know the feeling, that I simply have too many thoughts and memories crammed into my mind.”

Cancer: “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.”

Leo: “Remember, if the time should come when you have to make a choice between what is right, and what is easy, remember what happened to a boy who was good and kind and brave because he strayed across the path of Lord Voldemort.”

Virgo: “It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it.”

Libra: “Do not pity the dead, Harry, pity the living, and above all those who live without love.”

Scorpio: “This pain is part of being human … the fact that you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength.”

Sagittarius: “Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.”

Capricorn: “It is important to fight, and fight again, and keep fighting, for only then could evil be kept at bay, though never quite eradicated.“

Aquarius: “After all, to the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”

Pisces: “He [Voldemort] never paused to understand the incomparable power of a soul that is untarnished and whole.”

Do you regret it?”
    “What?“
    “I don’t know.“ Her voice shook. “Everything.”
     He was quiet for a long moment. Heat flooded her cheeks. She opened her mouth to tell him to forget she asked, but finally he said, “Just because we didn’t work out doesn’t mean you weren’t the best thing that ever happened to me. Because you were.”
     "Yeah,“ she said with glistening eyes. "You, too.
—  excerpt from a book I’ll never write
5

If you wanna stop this, then stand up! Because I’ve just got one thing to say to you! Never forget who you want to become!” |
  Happy Birthday to my lovely Annie~ ✿♥‿♥✿ ( @shotous )

“My mom has been really sick for 50 to 60 percent of my life. She had a nervous breakdown when my father left, and she ended up in a psychiatric ward. Then she had breast cancer twice while I was young. I was her only child so it was a lot of pressure. While my friends were at the playground, I’d be coming home to pick my mother up off the bathroom floor. I’m newly married now and have a child on the way. But I still have to worry about her all the time. She never remarried, so I’m all she has. She’s on oxygen now. She was so sick during my honeymoon that I had to call the hospital every three hours. Every evening when I get home from work, she has a list of things for me to do. If I don’t visit for a few days, she tells me how selfish I am. She’ll say: ‘Forget it. I’m fine without visitors. Don’t come back.’ I don’t know what I want to happen. But I’m starting a new family. And I’m at the point where I’d like some freedom to live my life.”

I ran out of toothpaste today and I know it’s silly but I thought of you because you always reminded me to buy more and you always made things easier.
I’m just trying to take care of myself without you.
I’m just trying to breathe without you.
But it’s gotten harder since I remember the way you said ‘I love you’ and nobody holds me like you did.
And my mom says that if it’s mean to be it will be but you don’t see it the way I do and I wish I never met you so I could forget how you slept next to me so I wouldn’t need a random stranger in your spot.
What I’m trying to say is I ran out of toothpaste and it’s been months since I’ve heard your voice but I can still hear the way you said my name when I think of you.
—  Nobody Could Replace You
8

Hello, old friend, and here we are. You and me, on the last page. By the time you read these words, Rory and I will be long gone. So know that we lived well, and were very happy. And above all else, know that we will love you, always. Sometimes I do worry about you, though. I think once we’re gone, ‘you won’t be coming back here for a while, and you might be alone, which you should never be. Don’t be alone, Doctor. And do one more thing for me. There’s a little girl waiting in a garden. She’s going to wait a long while, so she’s going to need a lot of hope. Go to her. Tell her a story. Tell her that if she’s patient, the days are coming that she’ll never forget. Tell her she’ll go to sea and fight pirates. She’ll fall in love with a man who’ll wait two-thousand years to keep her safe. Tell her she’ll give hope to the greatest painter who ever lived and save a whale in outer space. Tell her this is the story of Amelia Pond. And this is how it ends.

Don’t call me “high functioning”

Let me tell you something about autism

I know an autistic person who

  • Can usually make eye contact for short periods
  • Can usually understand body language
  • Can usually understand sarcasm
  • Rarely goes nonverbal
  • Rarely has meltdowns or shutdowns
  • Does not stim “loudly” around other people

This person does not look autistic, they can hold conversations and pass as neurotypical. They seem to be “high functioning”.

I also know an autistic person who

  • Often cannot go to the store alone
  • Often cannot tolerate being touched
  • Often forgets to do things like shower and eat
  • Often cannot hear people speaking to him when other people are talking
  • Often cannot change tasks/start a new task without intervention even for important things like switching from browsing Tumblr to getting food
  • Often gets disoriented by sensory overload in stores, schools, workplaces, restaurants and even just walking down the street
  • Often cannot maintain focus long enough to watch anything but simple cartoons or read anything but simple comics

This person will likely never function independently, complete college or have a job. They will likely always require support from family, friends or partners. They seem to be “low functioning”

Guess what?

They’re both me.

The point is that no matter how high functioning an autistic person appears in conversation with you, you’re only seeing part of the picture. I without fail am always told I must be “high functioning” when I say I’m autistic because all people are looking at are my social skills (and I received intervention when young that taught me many of the social skills I was lacking) but the reality is autism involves much more than that and by many other standards I am “low functioning”. Those just happen to be the aspects of it that are invisible to the people who don’t help to care for me.

Regardless of how valid you believe functioning labels to be it’s inappropriate to apply them to an autistic person without their permission, especially if you don’t know them well. Autism is not that simple and many of the things that affect a persons ability to function aren’t easy to see.

I can’t promise you things will always be simple or easy with me. I can’t promise we’ll never fight and I can’t promise I’ll always have the right words. 
But what I can promise you is that I’ll always be there to wipe away your tears. I’ll cook you breakfast and memorize how you like your coffee. I’ll be there to pick you up when your car breaks down. I’ll order your favorite takeout and watch movies with you on a Saturday night. I’ll go to the doctor with you and make soup for you when you’re sick. I’ll never forget a single birthday or anniversary. I’ll support you in whatever you do and I’ll always be by your side cheering you on.  
I can’t promise things will always be easy but I can promise that I’ll give you everything I have. 

I was doing well, and then one thing hit and after that I can barely lift my head up from everything thats crashed down onto me.
And half of it is because of you.
After you left, I hid my feelings so well that I even forgot I felt them. I used forgetting as a way to heal, I forgot to feel the emotions that come after a breakup and I was doing so well because of that.
But now I’m remembering. And since I’ve started I cant stop. I remember being there the first time our hands intertwined and I remember the way it felt to be so close to you. and I remember every single phone call that we had. And all that may sound nice, because it did make me smile, it did make me laugh thinking about the things you’d say but then it just hurt because your not here. none of that is here anymore.
You use to text me in all caps saying you loved me and now you don’t even look in my direction. You can’t even say hello anymore..
And it hurts, because now that I remember how it felt to be there, to have you, to love and be loved, I miss you.
I miss you so damn much and I can’t breathe because suddenly I’m reminded of when you ended things. and then the picture flashes through my mind of you with her.
And now I can’t even get out of bed anymore because life hurts too damn much.
Because I’m reminded of how people can wake up one day and decide that they don’t love you anymore. and I’m so scared that everyone I have ever known will leave.
.
—  you screwed me up

Riley: Ever since the day after Cultural Day, when you found out you might have a new ancestry, I started reading about it. Because I love you. And I would always want to know who you are. Merry Christmas, Farkle. Happy Hannekuh. Happy everything.

Smackle: Ever since I’ve known you, you’ve never stopped trying to put yourself back together. I wanted to get you something to let you know that you’ve done a great job, and it’s okay to work on something else.

Zay: “A young lady speaks in a gentle tone and never raises her voice.” Your voice is my favorite thing about you—that’s why i crossed all these things out. That’s why I changed them to the funny things you do that I like. Because I know you’re working on stuff. But I never want you to forget who you are. What makes you wonderful.

Auggie: You gave Maya back to her family. Even though it was hard for you, and you wanted to keep her for yourself. You gave her the gift that would make her truly happy. I don’t have to [tell her]. She already knows.

Me:

When we say “executive dysfunction”, I think it’s important to acknowledge to ourselves (and make clear to those who don’t struggle with it) that we’re talking about a basket of different struggles that we’re labeling with one name for convenience. One person’s executive dysfunction may not look like another person’s, even though the outcome (not being able to complete a task) may look similar from the outside.

Some people with executive dysfunction struggle to break down tasks into their component steps. Others struggle to connect cause and effect (’if I do this, this other thing will likely happen’), which makes daily life a confusing and sometimes terrifying black box. Still others can break down steps and parse out cause and effect, but they can’t start the first task (hello anxiety my old friend), or they get partway through and get distracted by a tangent or forget what the next step was because there were more than three (ah add i never miss you because you never leave), or they run out of energy before they can finish (tons of situations can cause this, both physical and mental). Sometimes people have a poor sense of how long it will take to do tasks, never seeming to budget enough because they don’t track time internally well. Others can only complete a task when they have sufficient adrenaline to spike their brain into focus, which usually means working in panic mode, which associates those tasks with Bad Feelings and further reinforces any anxiety the person may have.

And this isn’t just a few people. This is large-scale, across many groups struggling with different issues, from heavy metal poisoning to autism to add to chronic illness to anxiety to schizophrenia to mood disorders to traumatic brain injury, and more.

What we need, as a society, is to build better structures for supporting those with executive dysfunction, structures that acknowledge the multiple different types and causes. Because we cannot keep throwing the baby out with the bathwater here. We throw away incredible human potential that could help all of us because our society is set up to require a single skill which a large percentage of our teen and adult society doesn’t have and can’t easily develop (or they would have, trust me), or previously had by has temporarily lost due to injury or illness.

Instead of treating executive function as something that some people have developed and others haven’t, like artistic skills or a talent in maths or the ability to visualize systems or managing people, we treat it as a default that some people haven’t mastered because they’re [insert wrongheaded judgment here].

What if we treated the visual arts that way? If you can’t draw skillfully, you must be deficient in some way. How can you not draw? Anyone can draw. You start as a young child with crayons, what do you mean you can’t do this basic task?

Never mind that it’s a really complex skill by the time you’re expected to do the adult version, rather than the crayon version. Never mind that not everyone has been able to devote energy to developing that skill, and never mind that not everyone can visualize what they want to produce or has the hand-eye coordination necessary to accomplish it.

Now, I have friends who say that anyone can draw, and maybe they’re right on some level. But it’s hard to deny that it helps that drawing is optional. That you can opt out and no one thinks any less of you as a person. Executive function is treated as non-optional, and to some extent, since it’s involved in feeding and clothing and cleaning and educating oneself, it’s not entirely optional. But we make all of those tasks much harder by assuming by default that everyone can do them to an equal degree, and that no one needs or should need help.

If we built a society where it was expected that I might need timed reminders to eat, I would probably remember to do it more often. I certainly did as a child, when the adults around me were responsible for that task. Now that I’m an adult, the assumption is that I somehow magically developed a better internal barometer for hunger. Many people do. But I and many others did not. Recognizing that there are many of us who need help and treating that need as normal would go a long way toward building support into the basic fabric of our society.

But then, I guess that’s been the cry of disability advocates for decades; just assume this is a thing people need help with and build the entire structure with that assumption in mind.

I have written too much and too long about you hoping the words would bring you closer to me but they never did. I’m out of words now, I’m out of mind too. I forgot to think when the thoughts about you were coming to an end. Maybe loving you was the only thing I knew to do. Maybe writing about you was the only way I could continue breathing. Or maybe they were way to keep myself from moving on from you. I didn’t want to move on, to forget you but I did. I’m sorry but I don’t look for you anymore. I am finding myself now.
—  k.m
CROWLEY

He kisses like he has kissed before

(He has)

(I haven’t).

He kisses like he is fighting

(He isn’t)

(I am).

This is the best thing that’s happened to me

(Is that sad?)

(Maybe).

But

somewhere between my tears, and his spit,

I forget about everything but

his chin brushing mine, and our

breaths mingling.

(Tears and spit taste weird).

(It tastes like us).

In this liminal space,

I think:

“This is every wonderful nightmare

I have ever had,

please please do not stop.”

Because Simon Snow is bruising my lips

and his damn cross is reminding me that

this is, indeed, reality.

It must be.

The green smoke on his tongue,

the fire licking my hair,

those were never a part of my fantasies.

C r o w l e y.

I am kissing the hero.

(No, that’s not right).

I am kissing the enemy.

(No, not that, either).

I am kissing the pipe dream.

(Not quite).

I am kissing the boy.

(Yes).

I am kissing Simon Snow.

(And he is kissing me).



Final prompt for @carryon-countdown: Chapter 61!!

Send in an ask for my muse's reaction.
  • "You're alive."
  • "What's imporant to you?"
  • "Do you have a dream?"
  • "I wish that things could be different."
  • "What do you think of me now?"
  • "What do you live for?"
  • "Because you're alive."
  • "Do you ever wonder what could have been?"
  • "Just keep moving."
  • "Is this really worth the effort?"
  • "Because I'm alive."
  • "Forgive and forget."
  • "Resent and remember."
  • "Forget all of this."
  • "Worry about yourself!"
  • "There's far worse out there."
  • "I'm alive."
  • "You can only trust yourself."
  • "Why are you so hateful?"
  • "You can rely on me."
  • "Lend me a hand."
  • "Get used to it."
  • "I'll never trust you again."
  • "I want this too."
  • "I'm going with you!"
  • "Don't be selfish."
8

@markiplier
Mark,
You posted this on your channel as a cringe video, but honestly, I believe it was far more than that. Now, I’m not saying trying to make people laugh in public is easy, but I had lots of fun in the few hours we shared together. I found it hilarious how you singled me out for recording you guys and it was the best part of my video! Thanks for noticing me! You, Tyler and Ethan do an amazing job in keeping your fans happy and satisfied, especially when you allow us to meet with you and be a part of your videos. Just FYI, my boyfriend and I were about to head to Disneyland when I saw your tweet and I immediately decided to head off to Cerritos park not only to meet you three, but to have the best 3 year anniversary I could have ever had. It turned out to be a day that I will NEVER forget! Thank you for all the wonderful things you share with your fans such as videos and charity live streams and may you continue to be a generous, loving and caring human being that I love and appreciate. So, thank you so much for taking your time in reading this post and as always, I will see you in the next video. Bye bye!

P.S. Thanks for letting my boyfriend and I be your sacrifices for Cthulhu!