i never fell back asleep

2

Harry Styles doesn’t just want to be a rock star – he wants to be the rock star. And on his superb solo debut, the One Direction heartthrob claims his turf as a true rock & roll prince, a sunshine superman, a cosmic dancer in touch with his introspective acoustic side as well as his glam flash. He avoids the celebrity-guest debutante ball he could have thrown himself – instead, he goes for a intimately emotional Seventies soft-rock vibe. No club-hopping or bottles popping – it’s the after-hours balladry of a 23-year-old star wondering why he spends so much time in lonely hotel rooms staring at his phone. Harry digs so deep into classic California mellow gold, you might suspect his enigmatic new tattoos that say “Jackson” and “Arlo” refer to Browne and Guthrie.

“You can’t bribe the door on your way to the sky,” he warns early on in “Sign of the Times,” but the sky is where he’s aiming, and his sheer brazen confidence is dazzling – he never sounds like he’s trying too hard or scrounging for cred, which is where boy-band alumni usually screw up their solo records. The whole album has the personal yet witty spirit of the cover photo, where a topless Harry has a moment of doubt and pain in a bathtub full of pink unicorn tears. (His original title was Pink, because it’s “the only true rock & roll color.”) He spends a lot of the album wet, actually – whether it’s tears, other bodily fluids, or just “candy dripping on me till my feet are wet.”

Harry’s soft-rock fetish won’t surprise fans of One Direction gems like “Olivia” or “Stockholm Syndrome,” but this is the first time we’ve heard Sweet Baby Styles run with it for a whole album. The songs he tipped in advance didn’t play coy about his old-school inspirations – the Badfinger hook of “Ever Since New York,” the “Blackbird” guitar of “Sweet Creature,” the way “Sign of the Times” tweaks Queen and Bowie in candelabra mode – yet they all sound like him, playful and tender in equal measure. In most of these songs, he mourns a dead-end relationship, the kind where “comfortable silence is so overrated,” and you can hear that he’s been binging on singer-songwriter confessionals from Harry Nilsson’s Nilsson Schmillson to Taylor Swift’s Red. “Meet Me In The Hallway” sets the tone – a touch of John Lennon echo in his voice, a touch of Jimmy Page in the acoustic guitar – as he pleads like a love junkie craving a fix. “Carolina” rides a tropical low-rider summer groove, while the lovelorn “Two Ghosts” could pass for vintage Bread. “Woman” could be a lost slow-jam duet between Prince and Joe Walsh, as Harry asks, “Should we just search romantic comedies on Netflix and see what we can find?”

He dabbles in hard rock raunch with “Kiwi” (“She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes/Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect”) and “Only Angel.” Yet he sounds brassiest, most confident, most himself when he gets vulnerable. He ends with “From the Dining Table,” an acoustic lament where he wakes up alone in yet another hotel room. (“Played with myself, where were you?/I fell back asleep and was drunk by noon/I’ve never felt less cool.”) Through it all, he manages to steer clear of all the traps that ordinarily sabotage a boy-band star’s solo move. But as the whole album proves, there’s not a thing ordinary about this guy. - Rolling Stone

rollingstone.com
Review: Harry Styles Is a True Rock Star on Superb Solo Debut
For his debut, the One Direction heartthrob invokes an intimately emotional Seventies soft-rock vibe. Our take.

Harry Styles doesn’t just want to be a rock star – he wants to be the rock star. And on his superb solo debut, the One Direction heartthrob claims his turf as a true rock & roll prince, a sunshine superman, a cosmic dancer in touch with his introspective acoustic side as well as his glam flash. He avoids the celebrity-guest debutante ball he could have thrown himself – instead, he goes for a intimately emotional Seventies soft-rock vibe. No club-hopping or bottles popping – it’s the after-hours balladry of a 23-year-old star wondering why he spends so much time in lonely hotel rooms staring at his phone. Harry digs so deep into classic California mellow gold, you might suspect his enigmatic new tattoos that say “Jackson” and “Arlo” refer to Browne and Guthrie.

“You can’t bribe the door on your way to the sky,” he warns early on in “Sign of the Times,” but the sky is where he’s aiming, and his sheer brazen confidence is dazzling – he never sounds like he’s trying too hard or scrounging for cred, which is where boy-band alumni usually screw up their solo records. The whole album has the personal yet witty spirit of the cover photo, where a topless Harry has a moment of doubt and pain in a bathtub full of pink unicorn tears. (His original title was Pink, because it’s “the only true rock & roll color.”) He spends a lot of the album wet, actually – whether it’s tears, other bodily fluids, or just “candy dripping on me till my feet are wet.”

Harry’s soft-rock fetish won’t surprise fans of One Direction gems like “Olivia” or “Stockholm Syndrome,” but this is the first time we’ve heard Sweet Baby Styles run with it for a whole album. The songs he tipped in advance didn’t play coy about his old-school inspirations – the Badfinger hook of “Ever Since New York,” the “Blackbird” guitar of “Sweet Creature,” the way “Sign of the Times” tweaks Queen and Bowie in candelabra mode – yet they all sound like him, playful and tender in equal measure. In most of these songs, he mourns a dead-end relationship, the kind where “comfortable silence is so overrated,” and you can hear that he’s been binging on singer-songwriter confessionals from Harry Nilsson’s Nilsson Schmillson to Taylor Swift’s Red. “Meet Me In The Hallway” sets the tone – a touch of John Lennon echo in his voice, a touch of Jimmy Page in the acoustic guitar – as he pleads like a love junkie craving a fix. “Carolina” rides a tropical low-rider summer groove, while the lovelorn “Two Ghosts” could pass for vintage Bread. “Woman” could be a lost slow-jam duet between Prince and Joe Walsh, as Harry asks, “Should we just search romantic comedies on Netflix and see what we can find?”

He dabbles in hard rock raunch with “Kiwi” (“She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes/Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect”) and “Only Angel.” Yet he sounds brassiest, most confident, most himself when he gets vulnerable. He ends with “From the Dining Table,” an acoustic lament where he wakes up alone in yet another hotel room. (“Played with myself, where were you?/I fell back asleep and was drunk by noon/I’ve never felt less cool.”) Through it all, he manages to steer clear of all the traps that ordinarily sabotage a boy-band star’s solo move. But as the whole album proves, there’s not a thing ordinary about this guy.

My brain felt broken and I was tired, I was nearly two bottles of wine deep in only forty minutes. I felt drowsy, my eyes were red and swollen and I just wanted to sleep.

Tonight has been one of the most emotionally draining nights I’ve had in a very long time. I had kept my feelings towards the Harry situation locked inside of myself until this night, I figured it was better to feel numb than sad. I was probably right, since tonight’s actions had completely drained me of every emotion besides sadness.

I hated knowing how he felt, I know that Lily had said I needed to know but I hated it. Mainly because it made me hate myself. I had been so sure that this split would benefit him, that he would move on quickly but I didn’t take into effect how much it would hurt him.

How much I had hurt him.

As the final song started, I could barely even register what was happening. My mind spinning as the wine took its full effect on me, my brain not being able to comprehend what was going on.

I guess that was a good thing, seeing how no memories came from the title. I was exhausted mentally from every recollection I had experienced for the last half hour or so.

I figured I could listen to this song in its entirety and not flashback to a day we shared, I was fried.

“Woke up alone in this hotel room, played with myself. Where were you?” he sang, and a familiar sting panged in my chest. Where was I? He was alone. I had left him alone.

I had walked out on him without another word, he didn’t even know if I was okay. He didn’t know what I was feeling. He didn’t know if I had left because I no longer loved him, which wasn’t true. I hadn’t stopped loving him. To this day, I still loved him but he didn’t know that. I can’t imagine how that made him feel.

“Fell back asleep, I got drunk by noon. I’ve never felt less cool.” Harry was never really one to drink, only in celebration.

I could see him in my head, broken and scared. Not knowing what had happened between us, just knowing that I was gone. I could see him, a bottle in his hand, trying to erase our past with every sip of alcohol he could get his hands on.

I saw him alone, in a hotel room, drinking until he couldn’t remember what my face looked like. Trying his best to replace our memories with the burn of whatever he had in his bottle. I could see him doing it, because there were many nights I had done the same thing. Shit, I was doing it now.

“We haven’t spoke since you went away, comfortable silence is so overrated. Why won’t you ever be the first one to break? Even my phone misses your call, by the way.”

For the final time tonight, I knew he was speaking to me. His voice had sounded so small, so desperate for an answer that had never come.

He had attempted to reach out to me countless times, being the first one to try to rekindle our relationship even though I had been the one to end it. He wanted so desperately for me to try to make contact with him, but I hadn’t. I couldn’t.

I wanted him to be better after I left, and I knew if I had caved and tried to talk to him it would only prolong him from being better. I was doing it for his benefit, at least in my head I was. I could understand how now it didn’t seem that way in his.

In his mind, I abandoned him. Well, I had abandoned him but it was logical in my mind. It was for him.

“I saw your friend that you know from work, he said you feel just fine.” He said, and I immediately thought of Miles. This song couldn’t be referencing Miles, Harry left New York months ago. This song wasn’t about me. It couldn’t be, Miles was in New York. Harry was not.

I breathed a sigh of relief, at this point, I didn’t care if a song was about someone else. I just needed it to be over, I was so so tired.

I looked at the clock, it was about two in the morning. Miles could possibly still be awake, but maybe he wasn’t. He did have a shift in the morning, still, I needed to know for sure this wasn’t about me. I needed the confirmation that Miles wasn’t the “friend from work”.

I threw up my comforter, attempting to find my cell phone that had been discarded throughout my bed the entire night.

Once I finally found it, I pulled up Miles’s name. I didn’t want to risk calling him. I didn’t want to wake him if it wasn’t necessary. The song wasn’t about me or him, so there was no rush on finding out whether or not he had seen Harry recently.

I opened our messages and quickly typed to him;

“have you, by any chance, talked to Harry”

I knew he’d be thrown off by the question, considering Harry’s name had been banned among my friend group. I knew he’d be concerned, but I’d explain that all later.

“I see you gave him my old t-shirt, more of what was once mine.” Okay, that was a little eerie.

“Are you sure about this?” Miles asked, struggling to carry the cardboard box in his hands. He kept his eyes on me in my frantic state, running around my room and throwing random articles of clothing into said box.

“I’m sure, I can’t see him.” I replied, huffing as I stood in my closet. “He needs this stuff back, I didn’t mean to take it. It’s not fair to him to keep his clothes.” I answered, a hand wiping sweat from my brow.

“I don’t think I’m the person to do this. Have you asked Lily?” he questioned, his tone hesitant. I glared back to him, “Of course I have.”

“She said no.”

“She said no.” I confirmed, nodding my head with my eyes shut. “Said that if I wanted to give him his stuff back, I should do it myself. Explain why I left in the first place.” I sighed, moving to sit at the edge of my bed.

Miles placed the box down, walking in front of me and crouching down to my eye level. “Maybe you should. Maybe it’ll be good for you.” he whispered, his fingers catching my cheek. His voice soothing.

I shook my head, “I can’t. I can’t see him.” I responded, tears glossing my eyes. I turned my face from him, looking out my window. “Give it back to him, or don’t. I don’t care. I just can’t have anything reminding me of him in my house.” I begged, my cheeks wet from sliding tears I hadn’t realized escaped.

I turned back to Miles, who nodded understandingly.

I never asked again what he had done with Harry’s clothing. I didn’t want to bring it up and I know he wouldn’t either.

I didn’t even consider that he would keep his clothing, or even wear it. They were similar builds so I guess they would fit him, but I never thought he would do that. He knew I knew Harry’s clothing.

I had never seen him in anything of his so I always assumed he had given it back.

My phone buzzed in my lap, Miles’s name blinking with a new message. I guess he was up.

“Saw him about two months ago, why?”

My heart raced, he was supposed to be in California. What was he doing in New York two months ago? Miles lived near me and our place of work wasn’t too far from our apartments, what was he doing in my neighborhood?

“did he talk to you?”

I held my phone tightly in my hands, waiting for his response with a heavy heart.

“Yeah. He asked about you. I didn’t want to make you upset, so I didn’t tell you.”

“How did you find out?”

It made sense now, the song was about me. I knew if Harry had contact with any of my friends they would lie and say that I was okay. They would never go behind my back and tell him the truth, that I was an absolute wreck.

“did you keep his clothes?”

I already knew the answer before he could even respond. There was no doubt in my mind that this was one last song to me.

“He refused to see me when I was supposed to give them back. I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t throw them out.”

“Are you okay? What’s going on?”

I laughed bitterly, “Am I okay?” he asked. Am I okay? I don’t know anymore. I’m probably not, I’m probably not okay.

I wanted to type back, tell him everything that was going on. That I had spent my night getting drunk alone and listening to my ex boyfriend’s album. The same ex boyfriend my friends were banned from speaking about. Oh, and that I did this all willingly. That it was my choice to sit down and listen to this fucking album.

I sounded so self destructive. He’d be concerned, he would probably break down my door if I had told him what I had spent the last forty minutes doing.

I decided it was best not to answer. To explain it to him tomorrow when my head was clear and I knew exactly what I was doing. My phone continued to buzz, signifying that he had been trying to call me but I just ignored it.

“I see it written, it’s all over his face. Comfortable silence is so overrated.” He thought I had moved on, he thought I had broken another promise and ended up with Miles.

That’s why he blocked me after I had posted that picture, he thought I had done the one thing that he asked me not to do. The one thing I promised would never happen.

I mean, I also promised him I wouldn’t break up with him and I did that as well. So it makes sense why he would think that, but I would never do that to him. I would never be that absolutely vindictive.

He didn’t know that. From what I could tell, based on this album alone he seemed as if he didn’t know me at all anymore.

That hurt. That hurt more than anything. I was still the same, I was still the same person that was in love with him from the beginning.

“Why won’t you ever say what you wanna’ say? Even my phone misses your call, by the way.” It’s like he was insisting I call him, like he knew I was debating it. It felt like a sign, like I should call him.

“You need to think it through.” I said to myself, “Talk to Lily, don’t call him. You’re emotional.” I fought, my hands pushed into my closed eyes.

“Maybe one day you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too.” Fuck Harry, it’s like you know what you’re doing.

Of course he does, he knew me better than anyone in my entire life. He knew how I felt, he knew my reactions to things, he knew exactly my next move before I ever pulled it.

He may not know it now, but he still knew every inch of me.

His phrase repeated, my eyes glued to my phone as he continued to tease me with the idea of calling him. I couldn’t just let him persuade me, I needed to think this through.

“But you, you never do.” he pleaded, sounding defeated. As if he had given up hope on me. Why wouldn’t he? I would. I hadn’t spoke to him in months. This was his final goodbye, his last confession of feelings to me. I was too late.

I could feel it in my heart, he had given up on me.

“Woke up the girl who looks just like you, I almost said your name.”

I felt my breathing halt, catching in my throat. I was going to be sick. How did I do this to him? What kind of person was I? Whatever kind it was, I didn’t want to be it.

Tears fell from my face, he was searching for me in other people. He had wanted me, even when he had moved on. He had slept with someone that reminded him of me, as much as it hurt to know. I knew he hadn’t moved on. At least not when he had written this song.

He still wanted me, even after everything I had put him through. I owed him, I owed him something. I had put him through so much without a single word. I needed to talk to him. I needed to tell him how I felt. How I hadn’t moved on, even if he had, he needed to know I never stopped loving him.

My vision was blurring, I didn’t know if it was from the alcohol or from my tears. As the song’s last chords played out I knew what I needed to do, and I had to do it before I had a chance to talk myself out of it.

I grabbed my phone, ignoring Miles’s messages as I brought up Harry’s name.

I can’t do this. I shouldn’t do this.

Or should I?

I let my feelings take control, I couldn’t listen to my brain any longer. That’s what had gotten me in this situation in the first place. My heart needed to win, for once.

I didn’t even realize my phone had been ringing, “H” on my screen as my finger had pressed the “call” button before I could even stop myself.

It was too late, I was already calling him.

It was a little past two in the morning at this point, I hoped he wouldn’t answer. I didn’t know what I would say if he had. I contemplated hitting “end” and just forgetting the entire night had happened. To just continue my “comfortable silence” as he put it, but I couldn’t. My heart wouldn’t let me.

“Hey, you’ve reached Harry. I’m not here, but leave a message and I’ll get back to you.” just hearing that sparked something in me. Hearing his familiar voice after ignoring him for months.

My eyes were shutting, being swollen from tears and consumed in alcohol. Once the beep had dinged in my ear, I couldn’t stop myself.

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry Harry. I can’t even begin to explain how sorry I am for leaving you. I wish I never had. I let my stupid fucking insecurities ruin us. You were the best thing that had ever happened to me, babe.” I cried, my breath quickening as I tried to blurt out everything I had kept in.

I sniffled, “I know this doesn’t change anything. You’re better off without me. I caused you so much fucking pain, and I’ll never forgive myself for it. I’m so sorry.”

I stopped to catch my breath, my eyes feeling as if they were going to slide out of my head. They hurt so bad. My shirt was soaked with my tears.

“And don’t think for a single second that I never thought about you. Fuck, I still do. I still think about you to this day, and I know there will never come a day where I don’t. Everything reminds me of you.” I confessed.

“As much as I tried to forget you, I can’t. You were my world, Harry. You always have been and you always will be.” I sighed, trying as hard as I could to calm myself with no success.

“And I know that one little call isn’t going to fix this. I don’t even know if you want to fix this. Fuck, what am I doing?” I outburst, what the fuck am I doing? My hand gripped my forehead, resting my elbow on my knee.

“This is going to probably cut me off soon. I’m sorry for calling you. I just needed to tell you this. I’m sorry, fuck, I’m sorry.” I hung up before I began to mentally curse at myself.

Why hadn’t I just listened to Lily? Why did I call him? I sound so fucking pathetic. I just needed to sleep, I needed this night to be over. I needed to give my eyes a damn break.

I rested against my pillow, curling into my side. I pulled my phone to my face, clicking on Lily’s name before trying my best to text her.

“I called him.”

I locked my phone, immediately receiving a call from Lily after my text had been delivered. Sighing, I silenced my phone, waiting for her call to play out.

Once it had stopped I sighed in relief, only to be cut off by my phone going off once more. Looking over, I saw Lily’s name, I couldn’t talk to her. I just needed to sleep.

I moved to hold down the lock button on my phone, sliding my finger across it and shutting it off completely. She was going to be pissed at me, but I just couldn’t handle anything more right now. I just wanted to go to bed. I wanted this night to be over.

My eyes were overtaken by drowsiness, feeling too sore to stay open any longer. I pulled my comforter to my chest, not caring that my laptop had flung itself off of my bed along with the empty bottles of wine.

I just wanted to sleep.


////////////////////////


“Fucking hell.” I groaned, a consistent pounding in my head as I tossed my body to glance at my alarm clock. “How long did I even sleep for?” I asked, my eyes barely able to open after the night I had prior. The pounding continued, “Remind me to never drink again.” I tried to laugh, but my throat was too sore.

Once I could open my eyes a slither, I noticed the analog numbers showing 4:36 AM. I had only slept for two hours? What was I doing up? I sighed, turning back to cuddle into my pillow, begging for more sleep to come but the pounding persisted. “Jesus Christ, it’s like I can actually hear it.” I whined, closing my eyes tighter as I attempted to block the noise from my head.

“This is a weird fucking hangover.” I joked. I tried to relax, tried to get more sleep, but the pounding was too much.

“What the fuck?!” I yelled, sighing as I kicked my legs to the side of my bed. Wobbling as I attempted to regain my balance, the alcohol still very present in my system. “A fucking bottle of Advil will get rid of you.” I threaten to my own skull.

I grabbed a hold on my bedroom handle, opening it to head towards the bathroom, noticing that the pounding had gotten louder.

“What is…” I started before I realized my head hadn’t been pounding at all. It had been my front door. Who would be here this late? Then it hit me, Lily.

“Shit, she’s probably so fucking mad at me.” I thought, remembering I had texted her and then shut off my phone. She was probably so worried about me, I hadn’t been the most mentally stable leading up to that point of the night and I left her high and dry.

I scrambled into my room, the knocking continuing as I grabbed a sweatshirt out of my closet. “I know, I know.” I said, throwing it on before rushing to the door.

She was going to kill me.

I grabbed the doorknob, my free hand rubbing at my swollen eyes, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to..” I said before looking at the sight in front of me.

I had to be dreaming still.

“What..” was all I could get out. There was no way this was happening.

He looked different, his hair was hung down on his head. Wet from what I assumed was the rain pouring outside. His black t-shirt was drenched, along with his painted on jeans. A puddle formed underneath him, and I assumed he had been standing there awhile.

His eyes matched mine, red and swollen. His face wet, I wasn’t sure if it had been from the rain or from tears. This wasn’t real.

He was panting, his chest heaving but no sound came from his lips.

“Harry?” I whispered. I must have been dreaming. How was he here? He wasn’t here. This wasn’t actually happening, I was still drunk and asleep. I had to have been.

He looked me up and down, his lips turned downwards as he looked to the floor. His shoes were leaking water from them. “What are you..” I tried to ask but my mouth couldn’t handle words.

I was speechless.

“You called.” he said, his voice cracked. He had been crying.

I couldn’t look at him, and he couldn’t look at me. I wasn’t expecting this, I wasn’t expecting him to be at my door after months of not speaking. I didn’t know what to do.

He body shivered, sniffles falling from his nose, his eyes threatening to spill again. I couldn’t handle it.

“You can come in..” I asked, moving to the side behind the door. He nodded, not saying anything else as he walked into my apartment.

He looked around, taking in my house. This was the first time in a very long time that he had seen anything of mine, saw how I was living. He hadn’t even seen much of that when we were dating, we moved in together almost immediately. Everything I had was his and vice versa, but this apartment was me. All me.

My brain kicked in, snapping me out of my stunned state, “Let me get you a towel.” I spoke, my tone weak. I dashed off before he could even reply, walking into my bathroom and gripping onto the countertop.

My breathing unsteady and fast, I held onto the sink as if it was going to calm me down. As if it would make me feel normal again. It was getting harder to breathe, how was he here? Why was he here?

“Hey, hey, look at me.” his voice chimed in, rushing from the open bathroom door to my side. He turned me, hesitantly grabbing my hands and placing them on his chest. Something he use to do when I would have panic attacks, much like this one.

“H-Har..” I tried to get out but he shushed me. “Just breathe.” he soothed, taking in deep breaths as I attempted to match them. “Breathe for me, please.” he pleaded, he always hated when this happened. He told me it scared him more than anything in this world. It made him worry that he was going to lose me one day.

The irony of this happening after we had broken up was not lost on me. It took a couple seconds for my inhaling to match him, a weak smile ghosting on his face as we breathed in unison. “I’m sorry.” I whispered, to which he shook his head. “I know it happens.” he coughed, quickly removing his hands from mine.

I shook my head, “That’s not what I’m talking about.” I explained.

“I know.” he responded, standing awkwardly in the doorway of the bathroom.

I nodded, grabbing a towel and passing it to him. He wrapped it around his shoulders, engulfing his arms in it as he made his way back to the couch.

I followed him silently, not really knowing what else to do. “You called.” he repeated, his voice more confident than before.

I nodded again, “Why?” he asked and I felt my heart sink. He hadn’t wanted to hear from me. His voice sounded in pain, more pain I had caused.

I shrugged, my eyes clouding again. “No, I didn’t..” he started, taking in my state. He stood from the couch, attempting to move closer to me. I put my hand up, and he stopped immediately. “I listened to your album.”

He nodded, and it was followed by silence. His eyes falling back to his feet. “I would’ve warned you.” he started, eyes scanning the floor. “You wouldn’t talk to me. I didn’t even think you’d ever listen to it.” he shook his head, hand moving from under the towel to push at his damp hair.

“I wasn’t going to.” I confessed.

“What made you change your mind?” he asked, his eyes locking with mine. He let out a soft laugh.

“Lily.” we both said at the same time.

It was only silent for a moment before he broke it again, “Why?” he asked, and I knew what he meant without hearing him say it. He looked broken. I hated it.

“You deserved better.” I sobbed, not being able to help it.

“That’s not your choice to make.” he hissed, I knew this was coming but I still wasn’t prepared for it. “I know.” I agreed.

“You were the best thing that had ever happened to me. You have no fucking idea. You had no right to decide what I deserve and what I don’t.” he argued, his tone sharp and dark. If I hadn’t felt so numb, I would’ve been terrified.

More tears fell, I couldn’t speak. There weren’t enough apologies in the world for me to say to him. “I waited, I waited for months hoping it was all a joke. That you weren’t really gone, but you were.” he cried.

I shifted from one foot to the other, not knowing what else to do. I deserved all of this, after everything I had put him through. I deserved to hear all the things he felt, even if they weren’t good.

“You have no fucking idea what that’s like. How it destroys you. You just fucking left, Brooklyn!” he shouted, and all I could do was nod. “No note. No word from you. You were just gone.”

“I didn’t know what to say.” I tried, but he cut me off with a laugh. “Anything! Anything would have sufficed! Imagine finally feeling as if you felt love and then it’s ripped from you without any explanation!”

His head fell into his hands, “I really thought I finally had what I always craved for. That I had someone who I loved so fucking much love me back with the same intensity.” he looked over to me, “I thought I found someone who loved me.”

I felt like he had kicked me in the stomach, “I did love you! I can’t believe you think I didn’t.” he stood up, the towel falling onto the couch behind him, “How could I have not?! You just fucking left, Brooklyn.”

“I did it for you!” I yelled back, finally finding my voice after being accused that my feelings for him were false. I had never loved anyone as much as I loved him.

“I wasn’t good enough for you! You deserved someone so much better! I would never be the woman you deserved, and it killed me everyday. How dare you say that I never loved you because I still fucking do.” I screamed, tears heating my cheeks as I pushed through my voice cracks and dry throat.

He moved closer to me, “If anything I didn’t deserve you, I thought it every fucking day and the day you left I knew you realized it too.” his voice was lower, scared almost.

“You need someone who’s perfect for you, who can make you forget every bad thing that has happened just by looking into their eyes. Someone who isn’t me.” I spoke, my head shaking as he stepped closer. His finger moving my chin to look into his eyes.

“If you’re not perfect for me, why is it that after everything that has happened. After ninety-seven fucking days of silence and not knowing how you felt or why you even left. That I still get weak when I look into your eyes?” he whispered.

“Ninety-seven days?” I questioned, to which he nodded. “It’s easy to remember how long your heartbeat has been gone.” he replied, shaking his head before dropping his touch from me.

“I shouldn’t have come here.” he said, mainly to himself.

I couldn’t move, all I could focus on was the feeling of his fingers being on me. He looked at me one more time, sighing as he turned away and headed for the door.

I couldn’t let this happen, I couldn’t lose him for a second time. The first time was my own doing and I wouldn’t let him walk away from me now. “Don’t!” I screamed once he had reached the doorknob.

“Why shouldn’t I?” he questioned, his back still facing me as his hand frozen with the knob half turned. “Why shouldn’t I just leave and end this once and for all?” he pushed.

“Because I still love you.” I gasped, my answer spilling before I could even think of the words.

He took a sharp intake of breath, his head falling back as he continued to face the door. He hadn’t responded, but he also hadn’t left so that had to be a good sign.

“I love you so much, Harry. I know it may not seem like it after everything I put you through, but I do. I never stopped.” I blurted, my body still.

He turned back to me, face cold and stoic as he took in my appearance. His hand still on the handle.

“I’ve missed you so fucking much, I changed everything in my life because it hurt to remember you. Because it hurt to still love you. I thought you would be better after I left, that you would find true happiness. I know it wasn’t my decision to make but I was being selfish in the most selfless way. I just wanted you to be happy.” I cried, bringing up my sleeve to wipe my face of tears.

“But now I don’t give a shit if I’m not the one for you, I want you back. I need you back. I need you in my life. I love you so fucking much, Harry. I can’t apologize to you enough.”

He had turned to face me at this point, his eyes clouding as he looked towards the ceiling.

“If you want to leave, you can. I’m not going to hurt you any longer but if you still feel like I do. If you want to fix this, even though I know I don’t deserve it, then…” I sighed, taking a breath to dry my face.

“Then meet me in the hallway.” I said, to which his eyes snapped to mine. His brows lowered and his mouth fell open. Tears began to fall as I walked out of the living room and into the area just before my bedroom.

I rested my back against the wall, breathing harshly as I waiting for him to make his decision.

When I heard the front door open I had lost it. I had lost him. He didn’t want me anymore. I fell back even harder into the wall, realizing that it was really over. That he was really gone. I should’ve expected it, but it still hurt to know it was real.

My hands clasped around my face, hard sobs falling from my lips. “I’m so fucking stupid.” I thought. “Why did I even give him the option?” I debated chasing him down the hall, but my feet wouldn’t carry me.

I gave him a choice and he had left.

My eyes were covered by the material of my sweatshirt, making it grow damper as I sobbed. He was gone. He was really gone.

My hands pulled down from my face, but I hadn’t removed them. Fingers lightly grasped my wrists, pulling them down to reveal Harry standing in front of me.

My eyes widened, taking in him before me. “I wanted to, but I couldn’t.” he admitted, “I should’ve just left, but I can’t.”

I sniffled, his thumb coming up to rub at the tears on my shocked face. “I can’t lose you again.” he whispered, his hand moving to lay across my jaw.

“I love you, Brooklyn. I never stopped.” he said, before pulling me into him. His lips crashing against mine as I moaned, I missed kissing him so much.

He moved to grip at my thighs, pulling me up to wrap them around his waist. I cried into his kiss, I couldn’t help it. I had missed him so much, this still felt like a dream. He was mine.

“Bedroom?” he asked, and I laughed, knowing he didn’t know the layout of my apartment at all but was trying to be in charge. I moved back to point at the door down the hall.

He carried me into the room, kicking open the door before throwing me onto the bed. His body crawling onto mine, my hands clutching his shoulders. I felt if I had let go of him for a second, he’d vanish. That I would wake up in my bed alone, and that this would never had happened.

His arms moved to the sides of my head, holding him up so that he could look into my eyes. “I missed you so much, kitten.” he sighed, and I involuntarily smiled at his nickname. I hadn’t heard it in so long, but the familiarity of its sound was perfect.

He peppered kisses on my face, letting out a laugh. I looked at him, my face amused as I silently pushed him to tell me what was so funny, he shook his head. “I haven’t felt this happy in so fucking long.” he confessed, his forehead resting in my neck.

I dragged my hand along his back, cause him to let out a groan. “Ninety-seven days, if my calculations are correct.” I joked, my voice muffled from my stuffed nose.

He looked at me, “Those are my calculations.”

I shrugged, “Still correct.” I laughed.

“God, you just sound so sexy. That stuffy mucus voice, I could just take you right now.” he teased, moving his hand to tickle my side. I thrashed under him, laughter spilling from my lips as I begged him to stop.

“I missed your laugh, even if you sound completely disgusting.” He smiled, moving his hand to brush back hair that had fallen on my face.

“Don’t make fun of me, I’ve had a hard night.” I whined, my bottom lip jutting out. He took it between his teeth, kissing me softly after. “I’ve had a hard few months.” he admitted, his eyes finding mine as he took in my face.

I smirked, “Tell me something I don’t already know.” I joked as he flopped his full body weight on top me of. Laughter erupting from the both of us. “Woman.” he groaned, as I kissed at his face thankful to have him back in my life.

THE END

THATS THE END GUYS. I REALLY HOPED YOU LIKE IT. IM SO HAPPY AND THANKFUL TO EVERYONE WHO READ AND SUPPORTED MY FIRST STORY! I CANT EXPLAIN HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO ME XX

anonymous asked:

im doing 7s route and i love him but he's really going overboard pushing mc away like he is ;its really darn upsetting? could we get some angst or smth where mc sneaks out of the apartment because she can't stand being there with mean seven anymore?

Author’s note: MY FIRST MINI FIC SERIES!!! ENJOY & FEEL FREE TO GIVE ME FEED BACK!!!

Part 1

Keep reading

i am a mess in love with a girl who couldn’t love me;
— 

last night i wept in the bathroom

this wasn’t new for me

but the thought of us moving on

made me puke all over the tiles

i dreamt of someone else’s hands

around my throat & i woke up in

a terrible pool of sweat in my bed

& i never fell back asleep

i licked the wounds in my belly

& i broke the floodgates in my veins

trying to seduce the blood to sing

to my scars so we could heal together

i mailed her the letter i wrote in vain

but i know she won’t read it & i can’t

make her / just pray she cries because

i fucking suffocated on every word spilled

I wish we never met.
I wish you never looked at me the way you did that night.
I wish you hadn’t sat in front of me that day.
I wish you never hugged me that one time I was upset.
I wish you didn’t run after me when I stormed out.
I wish you never texted me back.
I wish you fell asleep instead of staying up with me.
I just wish we never met, because if we hadn’t,
I wouldn’t have gone through all this pain.
—  z.y (glowjobb)
Newt’s Emotions: Anger

“Send me one and I’ll tell you about my muse when they’re…⚡️ ANGRY.”

Requested by: Anon :) 

A/N: This is somewhat short but I hope you like it. :)


Newt Scamander was not a confrontational person however, he had no problem defending the right and opposing the unjust. Small little things like his creatures escaping his case or destroying their habitats did irritate him but full blown anger was not an emotion he harbored very often.


“Do you ever get angry?” Your words caught Newt off guard and he shrugged his shoulders, taking your hand gently into his.

“I suppose… I choose to try and forget it.”

“Why?”

“What good does anger do?” He sucked in his bottom lip, “It turns light to darkness. Humility into pride. Love to hate.” He shook his head mournfully, “I simply do not understand the point.”

You rolled your eyes, refusing to believe he could be so perfect, “Yes. You say this…but there must have been a time…”

“I told you. I try to forget.”

You shut your mouth, and leaned your head onto his shoulder. You weren’t going to make him speak more about something that clearly upset him.

His voice broke the silence with a sigh, “I will tell you of two such times.”


Newt slammed the lid of his case and stormed out of his dorm room. He was so angry he could barely see through the tears burning his eyes. Yes, Leta Lestrange was his friend. Yes, he would do anything for her. Yes, he took the blame for her accident that resulted in his expulsion. Newt understood the actions and the consequences of his choices. Yet, HOW COULD SHE NOT STAND UP FOR HIM?

‘I’m your best friend,’ Newt scoffed, under his breath. “Yeah, some BEST FRIEND!” His voice bounced off the empty corridors. He had been betrayed. His blood boiled, he wanted to storm into the common room and hex her. It took every bit of his strength to leave Hogwarts in the darkness of the night - walking straight into the forbidden forest. At this point, he wouldn’t dare a soul to touch him.


“I’m sorry,” you whispered, placing a kiss on his knuckles.

“I told you. It was a long time ago, darling. I do not dwell on it. I do wonder how things would have been different, if I had stayed at Hogwarts. However, if I had - I never would have been commissioned to write Fantastic Beasts - or meet you. Life has a funny way of working out for the best.”

You smiled, snuggling even closer to his shoulder. You loved the feeling of his coat on your cheek as you breathed in his woodsy scent.


Newt was disgusted at the laws of the MACUSA. In all his years of being a wizard he had never seen anything so unjust. A wizard couldn’t marry a muggle? Why in the name of Merlin was this acceptable? 

He stormed into Madame Picquery’s office, fire burning in his soul, “I simply do not understand WHY it is considered acceptable to tell Queenie she can not love Jacob whom is guilty of nothing more than being a MUGGLE.”

“No-maj.” Picquery corrected.

Newt stood with his mouth agape, “Fine.” He seethed, “No-maj.”

“Mr. Scamander, you know very well the laws of the MACUSA and they stand. I am sorry. I am not without feeling but you must understand. THIS is simply the way things must be, to protect our way of life.”

Newt shook his head and scoffed, “I hardly see how destroying the happiness of someone is protecting anything. Where is the compassion and justice in a law like that?”

“Newt, I must ask you to leave. I have other important matters to attend to.”

He turned on his heel and briskly left the room. They would learn the damage they were causing eventually. In the meantime, he would do all he could to protect his friends and their secrets.


Newt ran his fingers through your hair as you thought of the reasoning behind his frustration. The two of you had fled New York to London because of that very law - you weren’t allowed to be together. 

“I will continue to argue that injustice when I can.” Newt commented. “In fact, I will make an inquiry at the Ministry of Magic.”

You smiled at his resolution and enjoyed the feeling of his hands in your hair, “Darling? Have you ever been angry with me?”

Newt snickered, “Only when you ask me ridiculous questions.”

You tilted your head to look into his eyes, “What do you mean?”

“I could never be angry with you, darling. I do not expect our lives to always be perfectly content but I promise you, I will never go to bed angry.”

You leaned back, satisfied, and fell asleep in his arms as the train traveled through the night.


Newt Scamander would give anger no more thought at the moment. He rested his chin upon the top of your head, content to know he held no ill will toward anyone in his heart.


MORE?

Master List

important

so this is the story of a dream that i had last night.

chris left oneyplays to start a new channel with his girlfriend which means oneyplays was just dingdong and julian. without chris, the channel eventually started to lose popularity and julian disappeared. chris, his girlfriend who i dont recognise at all and their new channel (which was titled a bunch of random numbers that i don’t remember) was doing great though. matt and ryan joined the channel too. they would make really cringy song parodies infront of a green screen and the effects were god awful.

i was so distraught so i went to the oneyplays discord to see if any of the others weren’t happy with chris’s new channel, but things just got worse. everyone had changed their icon to the same photo of chris’ girlfriends face. they all loved the new channel. they were talking about how funny the ‘zombie poop’ parody was. i was terrified. 

one of them put a link in the chat. it was a link to a video podcast chris did with matt, ryan and gavin from rooster teeth? 

they were on a rooftop in india. the sun was setting in the background. they all sat around a table, and they were all really drunk. and then i was in india with them somehow, trying to talk to chris. but he kept ignoring me. and then this hot dog vendor wheeled his cart in and tried to sell hot dogs, but chris kept swearing at him and calling him a dick bitch. everyone was laughing. the hot dog vendor started to scream and chris started to violently vomit. matt and ryan got out of their seats and started beating up the hot dog vendor. they threw his cart off of the roof. gavin was gone.

while this was happening, chris was taking a snapchat selfie of himself with the sunset in the background. i went to look at his phone screen and saw that the man in the photo was not chris, but griffin mcelroy. he captioned the selfie “i wish u were here <3″ and proceeded to send it to someone named angela, who’s name i recognised as his girlfriends.

i woke up and laughed to myself. i was so happy that it was just a dream. oneyplays was still together! yay!!! so i grabbed my phone and went to youtube to watch one of their videos so i would feel better about that wild fucking dream i just had. but then one of chris’s videos immediately popped up. it was matt and ryan playing guitar hero, but we couldnt see the game. only them with the guitars. in the background chris was making out with his girlfriend. i started to cry. the camera started to zoom in on matts face. the noise of the discord notifications were echoing throughout my bedroom. i clicked on the channel, which had 20 million subscribers. i looked at the icon. it was ray william johnson.

then i actually woke up, covered in sweat and unable to breathe. i went to youtube and watched an oneyplays video, which thankfully was chris, ding dong and julian playing friday the 13th. i sighed with relief. it was 4 am. i was finally free of my never ending nightmare. 

i never fell back asleep.

1dnails  asked:

Woke up alone in my parents room played some wiii were are you? Fell back asleep got high by noon, I never felt this misunderstood- from the crack table by Henry stils out now on Spotify

crack table 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Neighbors 2.8

AN: this is taking a weird turn.

::

Neighbors 2.8.1

Hinata learned early on that Sasuke was a hard worker. Even back when they were neighbors, she remembered not seeing him for three days at a time. Those three days, back then were strictly for music and the parlor. When he wasn’t washing clothes or entertaining her foolishness, the Uchiha was sleeping.

Now, he had taken two shifts at the parlor to even out the time that his music had been and was spending even more time with her. He had even helped her grade some papers that Kurenai gave her.

He was overworking himself.

“Okay, well, Naruto wants…”

Hinata looked up from her grading to see Sasuke leaning against the counter in the kitchen. “Are…are you okay?”

He nodded and turned to grab a bottle water out the fridge but found none. “Ah shit…”

“What?”

“We’re out of water, I hate the faucet water.” His head was swimming and throbbing at the same time.

Hinata turned from her spot on the couch. “I have to go to the s-store so I’ll pick some up.”

Sasuke nodded and walked out the kitchen before bolting to the bathroom. Hinata stood abruptly at the sound of him throwing up. “S-Sasuke!” Hinata ran after him.

Sasuke was sitting next to the toilet looking horribly pale. Hinata sat in front of him. “I…” Onyx eyes fluttered.

Hinata cupped his face and sighed softly. “You’re sick, Sasuke.”

“Nah…”

She smiled and nodded. “I believe it’s a fever.”

He shook his head. “Na-” he quickly leaned forward to throw up for the last time.

“Or…you’re pregnant?” Hinata giggled against his glare. “You’re not going a-anywhere. I’ll take care of you, come on.”

She helped her incredibly heavy boyfriend to their room. After getting him in bed, Hinata froze. Sasuke could barely see her over his heavy eyelids but her face was twisted in pain.

“What’s wrong?”

Hinata clutched her abdomen. The Hyuuga sucked in air and gave a shaky sigh. Cramps. How was she supposed to help Sasuke when she was going to die? Hinata was going to the store for painkillers and now…

::

Naruto pulled out his spare key and pushed open the door. “Guys!” He heard heavy groaning and thought about leaving. No, no, impossible.

The blond headed down the hallway and opened the dark haired couples door. Hinata was curled in the fetal position on the floor while Sasuke was tossing in the bed. “It’s- hot!”

Hinata took deep breathes. “Y-you have to sweat it out.”

Naruto was sure they were both delirious. “Uh, I got your meds, water and,” he rummaged through the bag. “And your cinnamon rolls?”

Who would have thought that Naruto would be a hero? Naruto sat at the foot of the bed while his friends slept soundly after the medicine kicked in. He scratched the back of his head.

“Such a weird couple,” Naruto decided as Hinata’s phone went off. “E-eh?” He stood and picked up the device. “…Ino?”

He slid to answer. “Hey, Hinata-chan! I wanted to know if you wanted to join us for lunch?” She asked.

“This is Hinata’s friend, Naruto. She’s knocked out-”

“What? Who are you? What do-”

“No! I mean, I gave her some drugs-”

Ino started shouting in the phone. “Let me speak her or I’m calling the police!”

“No, I mean, Sasuke is sick a-and Hinata is have lady problems so I’m taking care of them! I can’t go to jail again! I…h-hello?” Naruto swallowed when the line went dead. “I’m g-going to jail and they can’t-”

The phone rang again. Naruto answered it. “Sorry, I lost signal. Why didn’t you just start with that?” Ino asked in the most cheerful tone.

“You’re scary…”

“Yeah, give me the address you just sound helpless.”

::

Hinata woke up from her nap feeling refreshed and yet numb to the pain. Sasuke was still stirring in his sleep. “I’m s-sorry,” she whispered. “You’ve gotten yourself sick and…and I still couldn’t help.”

Onyx eyes opened slightly. “I’m fine.”

Hinata leaned against him. “You’re not…for now on we’ll f-find you relaxation time.”

He nodded and closed his eyes. “Hey…” He murmured. “I love you, is…is that alright?”

Hinata’s eyes widened. “…it’s the f-fever.”

He shook his head. “Hinata,” he took the hand that was on his chest. “I might be pregnant.”

Hinata kissed his knuckles. “I’m here for you.”

He nodded. “Because I never had a…” He fell right back asleep. Hinata sighed and crawled out of bed. She was caught between not really hungry and starving.

It was the sight she saw in the living room that made her stomach ache. Naruto and Ino were basically chewing each other’s faces off. “H-Huh?” She whispered.

They whipped to her. “Hinata!”

She fainted and Sasuke shouted her name from the back room. Naruto sighed. “They are honestly made for each other.”

::

Sasuke’s fever had came and gone and so had Hinata’s cramps. Hinata followed the angry Uchiha around the apartment. “You said you were pregnant!”

“I was messed up, okay. Forget about it.”

“I c-can’t believe I’m going to be a father,” she moved in front of him. “I didn’t see it in my future but-”

“I will hide all of your snacks on the top shelf.”

Hinata nodded quickly. Some laughs weren’t worth it. She wrapped her arms around his neck. “I t-think you’ll be a great mother, Sasuke-kun.”

He frowned. “You’d be a horrible father.”

Hinata giggled in his chest. “Mmm, maybe?”

Sasuke picked the girl up and hoisted her on his waist. Hinata wrinkled her nose. “I can’t quite be a koala from this side.”

“Yeah, but you’re tall enough.”

“For what?” Her thumb brushed over his steadily growing ebony locks. He lifted his chin to kiss her. Hinata squeaked when he plopped them down on the couch.

“I still get lightheaded,” he rubbed throbbing temples. Hinata removed his hands and replaced her own fingers.

“You, um, said you loved me t-too.”

He didn’t change posture. “I thought I always did.” He relaxed completely in her care. Hinata dimly noticed him playing with the hem of her shirt.

“You said the…the real thing!”

“Are you mad?”

Hinata shook her head and massaged the area under his ears then jawline. “No, I…just didn’t know how to take it, after all you were pregnant.”

Sasuke smirked and closed his eyes against her fingers. “Take it as you want.” His own hands found the dimples at her back.

“Y-you scared me then…when you got sick,” Hinata hid her face in the crook of his shoulder. “I wish you’d j-just tell me help more around here.”

Sasuke smoothed his thumbs over the small of her back. “Sorry,” he murmured. Hinata turned to him slightly. There was no way he was saying it again. “But I got it.”

Hinata squeezed his cheeks. “No. No. No. I’m helping you. That’s that. It is. I’m not asking anymore,” she informed in a strong voice. Sasuke looked at her blankly. She shrunk a bit. “O-okay, I…I mean it.”

“Do what makes you happy,” he finally spoke. “Don’t squeeze me.”

She smiled brightly and rubbed his staining cheeks. She might have pinched too hard. “S-Sorry,” she couldn’t stop touching his face. It was such a nice face. She felt him shift under her. “Am I t-too heavy?”

Sasuke scoffed. “No,” he wouldn’t admit that the image of her naked body just flashed through his head and her sitting this, while completely innocent and probably oblivious, was becoming too much.

“A-are you sure,” she lifted herself. “Because I-” Hinata yelped when he placed her back down. Her eyes widened and cheeks burned. “Um, Sasuke-” He took her chin and kissed the now hyper aware girl.

Sasuke had this gut feeling that Hinata was just a carefully trained actress and that she was just acting innocent. It was clever and took him almost a year to figure the shit out. When moments like this happen she was careful not to go too far but-

“Stop that,” he pushed her off him suddenly. Hinata sat next to him in pseudo-confusion. She was making him crazy.

“W-what I do?”

Sasuke closed his eyes. Maybe he was still sick. Maybe she wasn’t even grinding on him. “Hn.”

“Sasuke-kun?” She looked concerned and for good reason too.

Sasuke eyes cut to the hand on his thigh. No, no, she was a demon. “You’re making me crazy,” he stood, not completely balanced. Hinata took his hand but her words never reached his ears.

Sasuke…fainted?

Twin Sister

awaywardteen submitted:

I just saw your doppelgänger section and it reminded me of two things that happened to my mum and I when my family lived in rural Australia.

We lived in a pretty old house on acreage, and weird stuff happened sometimes. Our salt shakers would move, and the cat used to watch things move that we couldn’t see, but since I was a kid I ignored a lot of it.

She was standing at the sink, washing vegetables and looking out into the yard. Suddenly, my little sister, Kate, came through the back door. She stared at mum for a minute, then turned away. My mum turned around and asked Kate where she was going, but she ignored her. Mum watched her walk across the kitchen into the laundry. She followed Kate into the laundry, but she was gone. My mum was scared she might have gotten into the washing machine, so she searched the laundry but couldn’t find her.

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Journal Entries

Pairing: Phan

Summary: A girl living in London finds a journal on her walk home from work, reading through it she discovers it belongs to Dan Howell. Dan Howell started the journal just after his best friend Phil Lester died, and his entries are all about him trying to deal with the death of the boy he was in love with.

Word Count: 3.5k

**Warnings: **Mentions of death, suicide, depression, alcohol mentions of SCHOOL I understand that’s a sensitive subject for some.

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Sitting up in the bed,
looking around,
hearing the rain trickling down.

It was dark, it was warm,
but the breeze was cold.

The fan blowing on my face,
I was shivering.

Walking out of the door,
hearing it creak and crack;
it made the same noise my heart did
when you left.

Shuffling across the wood floors
into your room,
you were asleep.

You are so beautiful,
you were so beautiful.

Bent spine, puckered lips,
I placed a kiss on your unshaven cheek.

Taking blankets, running back into
my cold room,
I fell back asleep in love.

I never imagined that I
would fall asleep one day
without loving you.

—  11:50 PM (s.s)
Sam Sandwich

Reader x Sam (not really any romance)

Words-614

Summary- Reader has a thing where she has to have something on either side of her when she sleeps, for protection, and one night Sam helps.

Originally posted by samgirlsclub


Ever since you were young you had had a hard time sleeping. When you were just a baby you would cry all night, until finally your parents relented and let you sleep in their bed, squished right between them. When you were 5, they were killed, and you were taken in by your uncle. You missed having something cover each side of you, especially now that you knew about monsters. At night time you would build a fortress of pillows and stuff animals on your right side, the dirty thin wall on your left. It made you feel safe, and you continued this tradition wherever you went.

Up until now. Sam and Dean had only been able to get a two bed room, and you could see just how tired the boys were. You all were exhausted.

As soon as your head hit the pillow Dean had given you, you were panicking. The couch was not much protection, and you didn’t have enough room to create a barrier. Sure, you could face the back of the couch, but then you back was completely left open, and if you flipped around you were terrified when you opened your eyes someone would be there.

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