i never fear

Daughter’s Lament

you bought me a trike

you taught me to ride my bike

with a banana seat

and rainbow streamers 

like guardian angels

trailing behind me

I never feared the pavement 

I liked storms because 

I felt safe in our home

and in the middle of the night 

when I awoke with the terrible sense 

that someone was in our house

I called out to you 

because I was too afraid

to walk down the hall alone

you carried me to your room

and you tucked me into my

Strawberry Shortcake sleeping bag

on the floor beside your bed

I listened to you breathe

trying to tell if you were asleep

and I felt safe 

every time you rolled over

because I knew you would save me

if anything came to get me 

and then I outgrew

the fear of the “bad guys” coming to get me

the monster under the bed

but you couldn’t see or hear

the monster was growing in my head

I tried to tell you

but you believed your eyes instead

I’m sure you would have tried harder

if you only knew

REALLY knew

REALLY REALLY knew

(if you had the faintest clue)

that my streamers were turning to ash

while I was burning to the ground

and it seemed so sudden

when you turned to see a fire pit

where your daughter once was –

now we each mourn my death

in our own way, for the girl 

——-I will never be again———

we curse the same fire 

and we curse the same Gods name

and now I know

I know

I REALLY know

I REALLY REALLY KNOW

that you finally hear my screams

but your tears will never be enough

to stop me from burning

it’s too late

to regrow this flower

so you withdrew

turned away

from what you could not bear to see

from what had become of me

so now when I sleep

in my nest of ash

I dream of sleeping 

beside your bed

when I felt truly safe

and when I wake up calling out for you

to carry me down the long scary hall

I always fear to tread

you don’t come to save me anymore

from the monster under the bed

and you ever allow it to be true

that the monsters

are now in my head.

One day Naruto looses his memory on a mission.

It’s not that bad really, he still remembers his name and that he’s from Konoha he just…doesn’t remember all his friends or anything like that. He doesn’t remember how close he is to all of them. But Kakashi tells them as long as they tell him small stories about their relationships and how it was all like with him.

So Naruto is extremely confused and hardly remembers any of what they tell him, though it strikes a cord in his mind. 

Meanwhile Sasuke, who’s devastated at this development, has been avoiding Naruto, but it’s Sakura who pushes him to visit. 

And Naruto recognizes him. Not his name, or who he is exactly but he just feels familiar to him. 

Everyone decides to leave them alone but Sasuke sits with him and tells him their story. And there’s just so much and Naruto just soaks it right up. 

But then while Naruto is sitting there, watching Sasuke tell him everything they’ve been through he just asks,

“Did you love me?” 

And Sasuke is frozen because he’s staring at Naruto and Naruto is staring at him and they both know the answer but Sasuke just…can’t say it. Finally, Naruto just mutters, 

“Because I think I loved you.”

Sasuke leaves. He avoids Naruto and these feelings because there’s no way Naruto loves him back. There’s no way he could remember loving him because how could someone as bright as Naruto want him? 

Of course, Naruto eventually does get his memories back and the first thing he does it find Sasuke. He corners him and looks him straight in the eye.

“You never answered my question.” He says.

“Do I have to?”

“Just please…do you love me?”

And Sasuke can’t lie. He can’t say no because he’s been bottling that up for years. And the smile on Naruto’s face makes it worth it. Especially now they had a new promise of forever

Me: *sees a car pass my house*
My brain: !!! You’re being watched !!! They’re stalking you !!! Close your blinds !!! watched !!!!
Me: can you like,,, shut the fuck up and be realistic for once please

50 Things To Remember In Life

Dear Friend,

There are 365 days in a year
And you and I both know from many unfortunate personal experiences,
That not all of those days will be good.
For some, the majority of those days will be a breeze
For others, each day will be a trial.
The world is a difficult place.
The world is an interesting place.
I am here to give you a few reminders
To keep up with this trying world we live in.

1. Follow your own heart and dreams. Don’t ever let anyone else tell you what you can or can’t do.

2. If you want something enough, you will find a way to make it happen.

3. You will meet people who hate you, and you will meet people who love you, and you will meet people who you think love you. Don’t be fooled. Some people are just passing by in your story called life. They’re there to teach you something, so always be aware.

4. Always remember that bad things and situations you don’t like will end. It may take minutes, hours, days, or years, but never forget that they will end eventually. You can get through anything.

5. You are your own person, not anyone else’s. Don’t let people take control of you and change your beautiful self.

6. The people in your life who make you giggle and smile in the darkest of times are ones you need to keep with you forever. There is always the potential for hard times, and you’ll need someone to cheer you on.

7. You do not have to live up to any standards or expectations. Family and peers and society are constantly telling us that we have to be a certain way, or else we aren’t good enough. Tune out of that thinking and just be yourself. That’s the best thing you can be.

8. Don’t be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone. Being out of the box can bring on so many amazing new opportunities you never even thought existed.

9. A lot is going to happen to you during your lifetime, so let yourself feel anything and everything. Always feel as much as you can. It makes you experience things at a higher level and you can say, “Yes I know this feeling. I’ve been here before.”

10. A good cry cleanses the heart and mind and soul.

11. Appreciate the small things. They can teach you to love and be at peace with everything around you.

12. It’s okay to take a break from everyday duties once in a while.

13. Travel whenever possible, it opens the mind. Go on adventures in new places and learn about the world. You will come back a new person.

14. Get up the courage to talk to strangers. That’s how you meet people. Who knows, the next person you meet could end up being your new best friend.

15. Stand in the rain and breathe in the wide open air and absorb everything you can about the earth.

16. Long walks are something that can clear the mind and resolve many issues.

17. It’s okay to lay in bed with a book all day.

18. Look out the window and watch the snow silently fall. It’s one of the most peaceful and relaxing things you can do.

19. Remember that everyone is living their very own life with their own problems, so always be kind and respect others.

20. Keep and open mind and listen to people’s thoughts. You might discover more than you think.

21. You are not defined by your weight or skin color or career or the number of friends you have or your grades in school or your decisions. You are so much more than that.

22. Everyone makes mistakes in life, so don’t judge a person based on their decisions.

23. Keep your own limits and morals. Don’t give them up for anyone.

24. Live a little. Be spontaneous and experience all that you possibly can.

25. Aim to live a life that you will be proud of and content with when you’re 90 years old.

26. Things in life will tear you down, but time heals everything.

27. Rumors don’t help anyone. Don’t start or spread them.

28. Your soulmate is out there in the world searching for you too. Don’t lose hope. You’ll find each other one day.

29. Treat yourself once in a while.

30. Random acts of kindness can make someone’s day and it can make you feel good too.

31. You’re going to have to work if you want to live a truly happy life. Don’t cheat or make someone else do the work for you. That will only make an unfulfilled and empty life for you in the end.

32. Be proud of everything you do.

33. Self love never hurt anyone.

34. Find things to look forward to. It will keep you excited and more hopeful for the bright future.

35. Leave a piece of you in every place you go and with every person you meet.

36. Always listen to people. Everyone just wants to be heard and understood and feel like they matter to someone.

37. Do what is best for you in the long run, even if it hurts at first.

38. Love with all your heart and soul at every opportunity.

39. Never settle for less. You deserve the best and whatever makes you truly happy.

40. Don’t feel bad if someone doesn’t like you. It’s their loss because they won’t get to experience your magnificent presence.

41. Never fear love. Love can make you grow and blossom and teach you so much. Don’t fear it, but proceed with caution. Broken hearts will heal with time, but they are never fun.

42. Dancing silly to your favorite songs will guarantee some giggles and smiles.

43. Always sing in the shower, and when you’re home alone, sing as loud as you can.

44. Put effort into everything you do. It makes it all worthwhile and you feel better about it in the end. You can reflect and say “Look at this. I’m proud.”

45. Exercise makes you feel good and you’ll feel accomplished too. Try it sometime.

46. You are beautiful exactly how you are. Don’t deny yourself of your own loveliness.

47. You may not be perfect, because no one is, but you’re hella radiant, which is near perfection.

48. To grow as a person and expand your mind and soul, learn at least one new thing everyday.

49. Don’t beat yourself up about things you have no control over.

50. Happiness is not a goal or a point on a map. It is a state of being that everyone deserves.

Now my friend, I hope you can carry these things with you in your heart
Because every time you are down
You can always get back up.
Every time you are afraid
The fear won’t last forever.
This world and the people in it may knock you down
But you need to keep getting back up.
You have to.
Live, live, live.
Live your dream life. Make things happen.
It will be hard and it may seem hopeless and pointless sometimes,
But just remember that things really do get better.
The world is a difficult place.
The world is a beautiful place.
But only if you believe it to be.

Don’t lose hope.
I love you.

Sincerely, Me.

—  s.h. (via evanescentbeings )

“Alycia Debnam-Carey is the sun”

Me: Brb fam I’mma be in the dessert to sing Johnny Cash and get my gay ass burnt.  Nobody stop me.

girlsgoneoscarwilde via Instagram

“The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time.” - Mary Oliver

I found this quote very striking. I often fear I’ll never find the courage to pursue my personal projects, and end up regretting all this lost time… it is a paralyzing thought.

I want to make meaningful things, not just pretty drawings.

I’m not them,” you say. “I’m not who hurt you.”
I touch your face tenderly, cupping your cheek.
“Okay. Then who are you?”
“Someone who is deeply, irrevocably in love with you. And you know what? I don’t give a shit. If you hurt me. If I hurt you. And that’s the difference, you know? Between me and them. I love you more than the fear. I’m willing to risk it. I’m willing to fucking pour my heart out to you- right here, right now, when there’s a very real chance you’ll get up and leave and never talk to me again. And maybe I’m stupid for doing this, but I can’t… I cant hold it in anymore. Every time I look at you, you grow more and more beautiful until I can hardly stand it, so fuck it. If you ruin me, if I ruin you, who the fuck cares about the consequences, about the future? Does it really matter if we both feel the same way? Fuck the idea that wreckage can’t be gorgeous. I think the treetops are grateful for the hurricane that rips off their leaves. Goodness, I think they dream about it. I think thy fucking crave it, because for a single, wind struck moment, they get one inch closer to really living. And fuck, I’ll be the leaves this time around. Do you think I care? I’d set myself on fire to see the flames that dance in your eyes. So if you love me, fuck the fear. Fuck the fear. I may not be worth everything, but damn it, I’m worth more than the pain those assholes left you with.
—  ap (12.28.16) im not who hurt you