Growing up I had a lot of self esteem issues with my nose, (I have a jewish and french nose) and I have noticed that society really only considers women with button noses to be pretty (and don’t get me wrong, they are) but this puts a lot of pressure on those who don’t have tiny “perfect” noses. I want big noses to not be considered ugly or unfeminine anymore. I don’t want young girls (or anyone, really) thinking they need to change their faces to be pretty/loved. (Though if you have had/or are going to have plastic surgery that’s totally cool, and I respect that completely) but let’s destroy the idea that only small noses are pretty, all noses are beautiful!
I want more surreal body horror characters. I want abstractly spooky monsters, I want terrifying masses of hands and flowers who steal away those that cannot keep secrets. I want a boy whose mouth hangs over his head like a halo, a column of eyes down his spine, who is just as friendly as anyone else you’d meet on the street. Sentient waterfalls with illogical gaps in the water, a mother who is a confusing tumble of cubes with strings chaining them together. Give me surreal monsters.
trails down the length of her arm and to her hand clasped upon her bag’s blue
strap, and a ripple of discomfort rolls down the length of her backbone. It
shouldn’t, but the way he looks at her reminds her of The Incident. It reminds
her of his open mouth and the stark amber of his eyes and of his fingers held
against the phantom pang of her kiss upon his cheek, trapping down the scars
before they can dig too deep. It reminds her of too much, far too much, and her
nails softly dig into the knuckles of her left hand.
takes one step forward, forehead creased in puzzlement. His smooth prosthetic
fingertips reach out as if to touch her bare arm, but pause and shrink back in
a gnarled claw before they meet her skin. A white canine works at his lower lip
and his shoulders seem to draw inward, the language of his body shifting to too
close, and he straightens his slouch beneath the duress of her eyes.
I hope that in 2017 you’ll let people in, give them a chance to get to know you.
I hope you let someone in enough to love you, to love every single part of you.
I hope that in this coming year you’ll learn to feel confident in your own skin, to love and expect your imperfections.
I hope that you’ll achieve your goals.
And for those of you who need to hear that, I hope you’ll take care of your body, eat properly, take your medications and recover from your mental illness.
I hope this year will be filled with smiles happiness for every single one of you.
I need you to consider your audience. When you say you hate your body for being so fat, or that you are afraid of becoming fat, or when you say that you shouldn’t have eaten that lunch or dessert, or when you announce your new year’s resolution to lose 5, 10, 25 pounds, you are saying that you don’t want your body to end up like mine. Your feelings are real and true and valid. And you still should not say them to the fattest person you know.
I know that all of us are impacted by body shaming, and that everyone has real, valid, deep, hard feelings about our bodies. I still need you to stop perpetuating it, especially when talking about yourself. No amount of caveats or prologues make it hurt me less. I need you to know that I’m taking it personally because it is personal.
I need you to know that I go to great pains to take care of everyone’s feelings when I talk about being fat, and that, for me, these conversations happen weekly, sometimes daily, and lots of people need lots of attention and care just to be able to hear what I need from them. Sometimes I get tired, frustrated, or angry with the emotional work it takes to just to prepare those around me to hear me name who I am and what I need.
I need you to know that when you talk disparagingly about your own body, and then you say “but not you, you’re beautiful!”, your compliments are impossible to believe. That if you disapprove of yourself, vivisect your own body, and then compliment me, I will remember how you talk about both of us. If you think of your own fat body as repulsive, I will believe that you are also repulsed by mine. I know that you intend to talk about yourself. I need you to know that you are also talking about me.
This. Read this. Everything about this. I get so tired of hearing about people’s weight loss goals.
When you say you hate your body for being so fat, or that you are afraid of becoming fat, or when you say that you shouldn’t have eaten that lunch or dessert, or when you announce your new year’s resolution to lose 5, 10, 25 pounds, you are saying that you don’t want your body to end up like mine. Your feelings are real and true and valid. And you still should not say them to the fattest person you know.
Summary: Destiny? Fate? Soulmates? Reincarnation without the death? Otabek mostly thought it was troublesome. They were individuals that had their own aspirations and goals to achieve, and having their souls intertwined by some unexplored metaphysical bond was taking a toll on the both of them.
Pairing: Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky
Characters: Otabek Altin, Mila Babichieva, Yakov Feltsman, Victor Nikiforov, Yuri Plisetsky, Georgi Popovich, (later) Unimportant OCs
Those words replayed in your head over and over again unsure of how to react. No no no no no, you told him not to fall in love with you, you warned him. Immediately you released from his grip feeling light headed trying to keep your stance.
“Y/n? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” He said with concern confused to the sudden change in mood. “I-I-I-I…. I need to rest… I-I-” and you felt your body give up on you. You knew how stupid it was to react to this only because you asked him to kiss you but you haven’t heard those words in over six years, hearing them from your best friend made you overwhelmed. Don’t get me wrong, he was very attractive, caring and a good person but you just couldn’t believe someone like him just told you that he thinks he’s in love with you, it was too good to be true. It had to be a lie.
“Let’s get you to bed okay?” Was all he said helping you get back in bed. Before he left you grabbed his wrist with tear stained eyes sitting up against the headboard.
“N-namjoon, I told you not to fall in love with me… please… maybe you’re in love with the thought of me…” You felt a pain in your chest telling him not to love you the way he wanted to, you knew what would happen if he did and he didn’t deserve that.
“Y-y/n why would you say that?” The thought of being in love with you? If that didn’t pierce through his heart hurting him then he didn’t know what did.
“Just give me some time… please…” And with that the conversation ended. That week the boys stayed a little longer until BangPd-nim called them in for practice. Namjoon didn’t say a word to you nor did you to him which hurt but you left it at that.
A few weeks after your mental break, you were busy as ever getting ready for their new comeback and award shows they had to attend. Namjoon would rarely speak to you and as much as it hurt not having him be there you had it coming when you let him down like that. You didn’t know if he was mad at you or not nor did you know if you were mad at him or just too scared to even contact him.
You were in the middle of getting some of your cameras ready for next week when you heard someone call you. “Hey y/n, are you busy right now?” It was your junior Sun who was in the photography department. “Oh Sun, no I’m just making sure these work for next week why?” “I was wondering if you wanted to go get coffee since everyone is on lunch break.” He started working for Big Hit a few months after you and he was easy to get along with when you both met. “Yeah sure I don’t mind let me just finish up really quick.” A few minutes later all the cameras were good to go and made your way to meet up with Sun. “Hey, you ready to g- oh hi Namjoon,” you bowed your head slightly greeting him when you saw Sun next to him. It’s been weeks since you’ve last talked to him seriously without any awkwardness going on. “Oh hey y/n… where are you go-” his words were cut off when Sun came up ready to go. “You’re ready? Let’s go.” Nodding in response you turned around to leave when Namjoon grabbed your arm. “Y-y/n can we talk? Please?” His face seemed worn out as the bags under his eyes were noticeable looking like he hasn’t gotten any rest these past couple of weeks. “Joon please,” you sighed releasing from his grip, “ there’s nothing to talk about okay, I want to be your friend so please don’t make this hard for me. We can talk some other time okay?”
“Y/n that’s bullshit and you know it.” You were taken aback by his sudden change in tone. “You can’t ask someone to kiss you then push away so quickly without a reason. Why are you avoiding me?” Just as you were going to answer him Sun called your name.
“Please just, I can’t do this Namjoon I have to go and you have practice to attend.” All he did was stand there as you walked away from him. You walking away from him was excrutiating for him to watch but he had to attend his practice.
The coffee shop was your favorite place to go when you would work on artwork or writing you were a regular. “Y/n! Long time no see! The usual?” “Hey Kyung Min, same as usual.” Every Time you’d come, it was the same three tea flavors: Green tea, English Breakfast, and Jasmine tea. There was a routine you had, each day was a different one and today was Jasmine tea which you needed after a stressful week so far.
“Oh I didn’t know you were a regular? How come I’ve never seen you here?” Crap you forgot Sun was here. “I normally go upstairs and hide myself.” “Ahhhhh~ explains a lot.”
After grabbing your drinks you made your way upstairs onto the balcony. The view was always your favorite as the blue sky would turn into shades of orange pink and red slowly become obsidian black with the city coming to life. Watching couples walk with their lovers coming from a date or going on one gave you many ideas and you’d sit for hours drawing anything. Sometimes you would stay until they closed, looking at your sketches was like reliving your memories may it be good or bad.
“So uhh I was meaning to ask you something…” snapping out of your thoughts you hummed in response letting him continue.
“Are you free this weekend? Maybe we can go out to get some drinks if that’s okay with you?” He was asking you out on a date, cute. “Yeah sure.” You weren’t interested but the weekend was open for you so going out wouldn’t hurt right? “Oh good I thought you would say no.” He sighed in relief slightly laughing to himself.
By the time you returned to the building Yuri saw both of you walk in together. “Yah yah yah yah what is this?” “Hmm? What?” “You’re coming back with Sun, our cute junior who is a year older than you by yourself? I smell something.” You smiled at her curiosity knowing she was very protective of you. “It’s nothing Yuri, he just asked me for drinks this weekend that all.” Had you known she would make a scene, you wouldn’t have said anything. “HE WHAT?!?!?!” Everyone on the floor looked at the both of you including the boys and you covered her mouth to muffle her ranting. “Unnie~~ be quiet please~” “Y/n! You of all people are going on a DATE! HOW AM I SUPP-” Immediately you dragged her out of the area into a room. “Can you please be quiet and not make a scene! No it’s not a date dear god no I don’t do dates.”
While you were talking to Yuri, Namjoon couldn’t help but feel a heavy pain in his chest hearing that you were going on a date with some other man that isn’t him. “Yah hyung are you okay? You look tense.” Jimin looked at him with concern. “Hyung?” Tae said. They all knew how he felt about you and were befuddled on what just happened. “I’m uhh I’m going home…” and he walked off without another word. For the past couple of weeks you’ve avoided him only to end up going on a date with someone knowing how he felt towards you in which he felt a whole new level of hurt. It felt like you didn’t care for him at all and was just fucking with his emotions for who knows what. Namjoon didn’t realize he was crying until he walked outside and the cold air kissed his wet cheeks as he walked back to his place unable to breathe.
“I’m going to go talk to y/n.” Yoongi said with a stern voice agitated with y/n’s actions these past couple of weeks ignoring his leader making him suffer and close his group out of his problems. He’s had enough seeing this continue. “Yah don’t yell at her it could be a misunderstanding for all we know.” Jin being more considerate trying to calm Yoongi down knowing damn well it wouldn’t work.
Yuri understood that you weren’t interested in Sun but couldn’t help but wonder why you would agree to go out that day. “If he’s paying for free drinks than I don’t mind going plus he’s just a co worker that’s it. Right now I just need to fix things with Nam-” Yoongi stormed in interrupting you both by grabbing your wrist and dragging you away. “We, need to talk.” He was clenching his jaw trying not to just yell at you right there. “Yah what are you doing? I can walk on my own. Let go.” But he didn’t listen when you passed the rest of the boys looking at you in an expression you weren’t able to read. All of them followed you to the dance practice room sitting you down on the floor just eyeing you for answers.
“You know the longer you stare, I’m still not going to know why the hell I’m here and why the hell neither of you are speaking up.” Of course you spoke to them with respect but it didn’t refrain the annoyance inside of you. “Did Sun ask you out on a date?” Taehyung blurted out so suddenly and you choked on your own saliva. “Is this what this is about? If it is then sure I guess he did but I don’t see the problem here.” “Are you stupid or are you just stupid?” Yoongi scoffed at your response making your blood slowly coming to a boil. “What did you say?” You were in disbelief and shocked that this was the first time they treated you like this. “Hyung you don’t have to be so harsh on her.” Jungkook stepped in but it didn’t calm you down. “Y/n we just don’t know what you’re up to since you’ve been avoiding Namjoon for the past couple of weeks.” Hoseok replied with concern. So this is what it’s about, you thought to yourself. “Okay that’s a problem between him and I to fix. I don’t see Sun that way since he’s literally just a co worker. Am I not allowed to go out and get a drink with a co worker now? Do I only have to hang out with you guys? Don’t get me wrong I love you guys so much but why are you acting like my personal issues have anything to do with you?” You knew you had to talk to Namjoon but you just weren’t ready to say anything until you were 100% sure of it.
“Because they do! He hasn’t been eating nor sleeping properly because of this damn situation and you messing with his feelings like that isn’t helping!” he then spoke out of anger not thinking, “Jesus y/n we get it you’re a foreigner and all you guys do is whatever you want and fuck around,” he was pushing your patience, “but for fucks sake don’t lead the guy on. How low can you possibly be to do th-” and you got up and smacked him in the face while everyone froze in their place looking at you.
“DON’T you fucking dare outcast me because i’m a foreigner Min Yoongi! If anything i’ve done nothing but try to respect your culture and you guys but don’t you fucking dare. Of course I care about him but I can’t tell him that.” Everyone’s jaw dropped at your words.
“Wait what?” Jin spoke up confused.
“Look I can’t tell Joon how I feel until I’m certain on it, I wasn’t avoiding him on purpose. It was out of instinct because I can’t confront him especially after he confessed his damn love for me. There are things that not even he knows to why I can’t do certain things so don’t tell me that being a foreigner and stereotyping me as a person who only fucks around with people to get what they want is the problem.” You were livid at this point. Everyone stayed silent Yoongi realizing what he said looking at you wide eyed.
“I’m going home.” Before leaving Yuri stopped you noticing the tears in your eyes. “Y/n what’s wrong?” She was confused didn’t know what happened within the 10 minutes you were dragged by Yoongi. “Nothing I’m going home.” She didn’t try stopping you but she did go up to Yoongi in the practice room with steam practically coming off of her. “Will someone tell me what the hell just happened because y/n just ran out in tears.” “Ohh noona uhhh yeah things didn’t go well…” Jungkook looked down. “Yoongi you might want to explain since you dragged her out?” She clenched her jaw wanting to know why her younger friend left in tears for the first time since moving here excluding the day you had a breakdown. “Well let’s break it down to Yoongi hyung being upset because his younger member has been nothing but a walking load of sadness since y/n is practically avoiding him, and he confronted her but she explained herself and then he took it too far calling her out for being a foreigner and just fucking around resulting in him getting slapped in the face and her explaining her reasons somewhat better and now we’re here.” Jimin flatly stated out with his hyung still holding his left cheek smirking at the fact that he got slapped in the face by y/n. “Min Yoongi I would slap the stupid out of you right now but y/n already did and you damn straight deserved it. She’s going through a tough time right now and you yelling at her because of something she’s trying to fix isn’t helping but adding on to the stress.” Yuri always got defensive when it came to you knowing how hard it is being the only foreigner in the company but she also was the only person that actually understood your situation with Namjoon. She was the first person you opened up to when you told her that you were interested in him but never came across to telling him. When she found out why, immediately she understood your actions.
“Look you may be famous but don’t forget that I’m still older than all of you and y/n is like a little sister to me. BangPd-nim chose her for a specific reason to work here and since she’s been here she’s done nothing but try to fit in knowing she isn’t Korean or asian at all. Her love life status by the way is something that you couldn’t imagine since it was extremely rough and she’s trying to open herself up but it’s hard for her because she’s never let a man in her heart after her first relationship six years ago. Don’t upset her for being different as she started small like you guys did and worked her way up to live her dream just like all of you guys. Y/n isn’t interested in Sun but she’s going out that day to get her mind off of things like this,” Yuri was pointing at everyone in the room, “now go and apologize to her before I grab you by the ear and drag you to her and make you got it?” Nobody even dared to object at their noona yelling at them, specifically Yoongi.
“I told you not to make a big deal Yoongi~” Jin said in a singing voice passing by his younger member.
The weekend came by quicker than expected and you were ready to go for drinks. Thinking about your argument with Yoongi, drinks suddenly sounded like great idea. You wore a simple loose tank top with high waisted black jeans slightly ripped and a jean jacket rolling up the sleeves putting on your red converse. You tried not putting an excessive amount of make-up only using eyeliner, mascara, and lip tint also filling in your eyebrows just a bit. It was your daily look really, there wasn’t a reason for you to impress anyone. There was extra time so you wanted to do some editing before leaving, the film you were working on was about falling in love for the first time in six years. The whole situation between you and Namjoon was being put into a film and that’s why you’ve been avoiding him kind of, you wanted to show him this to tell him how you felt but it wasn’t finished yet. At around 20:00 there was a knock on your door.
“Coming~” when you opened the door Sun greeted you with a smile. “You ready?” “Yeah let me just grab my keys.” After locking the door both of you went downstairs to his car to drive to the bar. It was dark inside but the milky coffee walls with the purpleheart wooden tables complimenting the black booths gave it a modern look. “You want anything?” he asked after sitting at the bar. “I’ll take a White Russian.” He looked at you in shock not expecting that answer. “Hm I thought you’d be a margarita type of person, guess I was wrong.” “Ohhh you’d be surprised.” Laughing at his response.
The whole time being there you forgot all your worries and actually enjoyed yourself along with someone’s company. After your third drink you decided to stop not feeling tipsy or drunk but just to calm your nerves. You made it clear to Sun that you weren’t interested and he was surprisingly okay with you being friends. Sitting down talking to someone who wasn’t the same eight people felt like all the stress was being lifted off your shoulders even though they were still lingering in the back of your mind but for now you just wanted to enjoy your time.
With you being out you didn’t know Namjoon stopped by your place to talk but he did. It was too much for him to continue not speaking to each other so he went to go talk to you only to find you not there figuring that you probably went out with Sun so he waited for you to come home. He had an extra key with him since he or one of the other boys would tend to stay over sometimes with your apartment being closer to the company and to avoid crazy fans. Looking around to kill time he noticed your desktop was still on with your work, he saw one of your projects still opened and couldn’t help but press play. He’s seen a few of your work for Bangtan but never any personal projects until now so he pressed play;
~It was love that opened my eyes to a whole new world, the electrifying feeling of a touch, the endless butterflies in your stomach when they look at you, your emotions being heightened knowing they drank in every part of you making you become one. The black and white paintings filling themselves with color and life in a matter of seconds, it was love that drove me to the brink of insanity though I craved it even more knowing how much it made me feel raw… but it was love that burned me, drinking every part of me but spitting me back out, painting after painting become dull and lifeless, it was love that drove me to raw insanity of pain, and it hurt.
Every second of this video brought Namjoon to some understanding of you distancing yourself. The longer it played, something caught his attention when he saw clips of the both of you and he sat down in your chair watching carefully;
~I told myself that love never existed anymore but, he gave me a silver lining. I thought he was what people would portray him as but then being with him made me think otherwise. He was caring, gentle, and all the right things anyone could ever be I felt myself fall for him. I let myself fall for him though i could never tell him that, I let myself become raw and when he took care of me I ran, I let myself fall so damn hard that I can’t even look him in the eye. My wounds feel like they’re being removed and replaced with new feelings, I get so nervous around him that I have to try my best not to just grab him and kiss him right then and there. He became my muse and I want him so badly but I can’t bring up the courage to actually tell him how much he means to me. He became the best thing in my life after these six torturous years but running away was all I could do. The one thing I do know is that I-
And the video ended knowing it’s still unfinished. Namjoon stood there with tears coming down his face not knowing if he was happy or upset. Now he needed to know how you felt and hoped you’d come home soon, he wanted to hear you tell him how you really felt. Sooner or later he heard your door being unlocked as you came home from the bar probably. When you thanked Sun for the drinks you unlocked your door and took your shoes off to be greeted by Namjoon scaring you.
“N-namjoon? W-what are you doing here? How did y-you get in?” you were shocked to see him.
“Spare key remember?” His face was sad as his tear stained puffy eyes looked at you with worry. “What’s wrong?” was all you could ask him. “Y/n…. Why didn’t you tell me instead of pushing me away?” oh yeah you had to talk to him. “What do you m-” “The video y/n, I saw your video. Why didn’t you tell me?” He was holding back a lump in his throat trying his best not to grab you and just kiss you never letting you out of his sight. “Joon, why are you looking at my work? First of all I don’t have time for this please just go home.” You walked passed him sighing to yourself to go change into a shirt and shorts and when you came back you saw him in the same spot so you walked to the door opening it. “Namjoon please now isn’t the time to ta-” he cut you off. “No we need to talk, you told me to give you time and I did.” You were able to detect the anger in his voice but it didn’t stop you. “Joon for crying out loud now isn’t the time to talk about this now please just go home.” He wouldn’t move from his spot as he was staring at you waiting for you to say something but you just closed the door and sighed in annoyance. “Fine suit yourself then, you can sleep on the couch.” Just as you were about to enter your room he scoffed but spoke up looking at you dead in the eyes. “Are you scared that you’ve possibly fallen in love with me y/n?”
I am yelling at myself because the next part is going to be a doozy for you guys <3