i need to lose this fat

October will be my month.

I’ve got it all planned out. I was still new to this in September. I had no idea what I was doing. Honestly all I knew was that I’m fat and I need to lose weight. The only way I knew to do it was to starve myself. But I didn’t do it in a smart way. I would restrict too hard and then nearly faint, then go home and binge.

Now I know how to do this better. And I will own October. And the rest of the year. And next year.

I have everything planned out. A whole calender for October. How many calories I’ll eat every day, “meal” plans (in progress), thinspo printed out and glued into my notebook to keep me motivated, etc.

I will not binge this month no matter what.

And I’m not going to give myself the rest of this month. I’m just starting October, 5 days ahead. Taking this last bit of September to go ahead and prepare myself to actually lose weight.

I’ll continue to learn and lose more and more. I’ll get smarter and lose weight faster. No one will be able to keep up. I’ll barely be able to keep up. I’ll shrink too small for all my clothes and have to wear belts and use rubber bands and pins to tighten clothes enough to where they’re wearable. I won’t spend money on food so I’ll save all of it for new clothes. Soon enough I’ll be tiny and small with a new wardrobe. No one will recognize me.

Except for myself. I will be the only one who recognizes me. Everyone one else has known me as the fat girl my entire life. But I look at myself in the mirror and see someone who is not me. I know somewhere on the inside, I’m a tiny skinny girl that everyone wishes they could be as beautiful as. No one knows this but me, so they won’t recognize me when I finally break out of this disgustingly fat shell. When I’m thin, I’ll finally be able to look in the mirror and recognize myself. I’ll see myself and not some fat freak that’s trapped the real me inside of their disgusting should-be hollow shell. I’ll shed that shell, I’ll get rid of every single bit of that mess until it’s fighting to keep me locked inside.

Right now it doesn’t even know I’m trying to get rid of it. It doesn’t even know that I know about it. As far as it knows, I still believe that’s actually me. It thinks that I don’t know it’s just a shell. It thinks that I think that it’s really me. That I’m just going through life content with it. Living as this disgusting fat girl without any purpose besides getting fatter and fatter.

But I do know. And it will know that I know soon too. I’ll start losing weight too fat for it to even keep up. This shell that’s been holding me as its prisoner my entire life will start fighting to stop me. That’s what makes me want to binge. The shell growing a conscience and invading my real brain. It tries to make me think I’m hungry and tries to make me eat because it knows if I actually lose weight, I’ll lose the shell and the shell will die. But I’ll fight 10 times as hard against it. I’ll be way too strong for it to even think about continuing to try anymore. It will give up and wait for its death. I’ll never binge. I’ll keep control. I won’t let it defeat me anymore. It’s ruined the first 16 years of my life. I’m taking myself back and throwing the shell away and I won’t let it control my life anymore.

anonymous asked:

Hey do you guys know if it's possible for a fat person to get top surgery? I'm about 320 pounds (of incredibly cute fluff) and I'm really scared to be denied surgery. I need this and can't keep dealing with my horrible dysphoria. I have trouble losing weight due to a condition, so I was wondering if it was possible to get top surgery even at this weight? Thanks! And s/o to all my fellow chubby/fat transmasc bros!

Jay says:

That’s a question for a surgeon. I think some will (I’ve heard of chubby dudes having top surgery) but some might not. It would also depend on your health otherwise and on your condition. Here’s our top surgery FAQ  and here’s another one

Who has anorexia ?

Iv never been diagnosed by a professional so I don’t have it right?

I’m not skinny enough to look anorexic right?

I eat a piece or maybe a block of chocolate if my cravings are to strong, so how could I be anorexic right ?

I’m constantly scrolling past skinny girls & thinspo wishing that I could be look like that, and I don’t so I don’t have anorexia right ?

I eat 600-800 cals most days, but there’s other people out there eating 100-200 or even less, so how could I have anorexia right ?

My ribs arnt showing enough, my collar bones need to come out more, I need to fit a fist between my thigh gap not just two fingers, I need my arms to look long & bony and I need my hip bones to poke through, but I don’t look like this so how could I even think that I have a problem right ?


Society has taught us that to be anorexic you must be at an extremely low and unhealthy weight. But anorexia is a mental illness therefore it dosent matter what you’re body looks like. You’re weight and what your body is the cause and side effect of Anorexia. Until society gets that in their fucking head girls and boys will struggle without anyone noticing, until it’s to late


Okay, I’m going to address a serious issue you here; usually I don’t post anything serious and about another band. But the picture above is a member of BTS(Bangtan Boys), Park Jimin, the reason why I’m talking about him is because of how skinny he’s got(photo on the left), it’s one thing to weight and gain muscle to be healthy, but he lost weight obviously not gaining any muscle. Jimin has always had some chub on him, he’s known for his cute chubby cheeks and thick thighs. But recently from the latest pictures posted from the airport and award shows there is a huge difference of his physical appearance in two comebacks. The picture on the right was two years ago and that was healthy, he was skinny but almost all of it was muscle. It’s alarming if you ask me, he’s really small now and he doesn’t even have muscle on him any more. Jimin is known for in the past to starve himself because of “fans” telling him he’s too chubby or he’s fat or that he felt like he was too big when he isn’t. He shouldn’t feel like he is too fat or needs to lose weight, and fans that tell him he does and doesn’t appreciate his body aren’t real fans. It’s his body he can have chub, it’s normal to have chub on your body. And saying that he can lose weight, IN A HEALTHY WAY NOT STARVING HIMSELF!!!! But he should be comfortable in his body!!! And not feel like he has to change for us!!! Or for anyone!!! It bothers me he does stave himself because it’s dangerous and unhealthy and I want him to be healthy and happy, and starving yourself doesn’t do that for you. His arms, neck, and face are smaller than before. It kills me to see idols, not just him to starve themselves to please fans, that shouldn’t be the case no matter what. It’s not about Jimin who has a history of starving to lose weight, many exo members, Seventeen members and Girl Groups have a history to starve themselves as well, in general I think it should all just stop together because there will be at one point an idol that will take starving too far and have a serious accident. It doesn’t matter what we think, we should be glad they are alive and healthy and their bodies are none of our business because they aren’t ours to own or claim. I want Park Jimin to know that he was perfect the way he was and still his but he shouldn’t have to change his body for anything. I, and not just me love his cute personality and himself in general which is why it hurts me to see him starve himself again. You aren’t a real fan if you think that he should lose weight or any idol, let them be happy and healthy and I pray he eats well soon and gain some of bodyweight again because that boy shouldn’t have to feel like he’s fat. As long as he doesn’t lose anymore weight from this he looks healthy but still he is a lot more thinner. I posted this to make everyone aware of the fact that he has lost weight, I really hope it isn’t he’s back to bad habits and to bring light to a serious issue of idols starving themselves, not just him.

anonymous asked:

so basically im cursed to remain fat forever? jesus christ i did not need to hear that today.

There is no permanent and safe way to intentionally lose weight. This is true.  

And that means that if you want to truly live a fulfilling and meaningful life, you will need to let go of the fantasy of being thin. You will need to do the difficult self-work needed to unlearn your internalized fat phobia. You may also need to learn how to eat normally without restriction and shame. All of this is difficult. But a lifetime of self-hate, restriction, repeated cycles of weight gains and weight losses, and declining health from the damage caused by under-nourishing your body is far far worse. 

And I know you are in pain right now, so I am being gentle with you, but I need you to think about what you said in your ask, and think about who you said it to. I am fat and my life is not a cursed existence. It is never okay to say such hateful things about fat people, including yourself. Don’t do it anymore.

When former fat celebrities lose weight no one says “Omg look at how low her cholesterol looks” “Wow low blood pressure looks great on her” or “She looks so much better without a heart attack” that’s not what people care about. And for one you can’t tell someone’s health by their weight anyway.

But, the main thing people focus on is how they look. “She looks so good now!″ “Wow they look so skinny, they look amazing” “Omg they’re smoking hot now” that’s the only thing I see. Fatphobics don’t care about health, they care about looks. They’re obsessed with seeing how people look when they’re skinny, and that’s it because our superficial society is obsessed with thinness and beauty.

I’ve seen people do it, every time a former fat or a former really fat celebrity loses weight. They only care about how they’ll look once they’re skinny, they don’t care about random people’s health, no one does.

I damn sure don’t concern my life with what the next person does with their body, so people need to stop kidding themselves, when they know they’re just fatphobic.

All of it makes me angry.

So I was thinking...

Everywhere in the Drarry fandom you see that Draco always steals people’s Harry’s sweaters, curls up in front of the fire, snuggles up with people Harry for warmth… 

Because Draco is always cold, right?

But then consider this; Draco always got huge baskets filled with food from home (usually sweets, which are high calorie things) and he was already described as skinny before the stress from sixth year made him look like a skeleton. So even when he ate quite a lot he was skinny. Of course this could just be because he was a growing teenage boy, but it could also be caused by a high metabolims rate. Aka he can eat whatever he wants to and won’t gain a single pound. 

Now the energy from that food still needs to go somewhere, and as someone whose social circles are filled with these kind of people I know from experience where this energy goes to; Heat. People with a high metabolism rate are hotter than a forest fire. They also often need to eat extra during periods of stress or sickness because they have no fat reserves.

So consider this; Draco with a high metabolism eating more than Ronald Weasley due to stress. Draco being super ashamed of that since it’s unfitting for a pureblood to order and eat larger meals. Draco being the one Harry snuggles with because wouldn’t it make much more sense to get cold from losing a part of your soul (i mean soul-less people are usually considered to be cold people) instead of hot? Harry ordering three deserts on their first date and calling it “our new tradition from now on”. Harry putting too much on his plate and passing parts of it on to Draco so he doesn’t have to feel ashamed for getting a mountain of food. Draco loving Harry even more for all of his kind gestures. 

Anyway I’m going to have lunch now


Sometimes, we lose ourselves by focusing on where we could be, instead of appreciating how far we’ve come. We all have different attributes and physical features that make us beautiful. I wish we would celebrate that more than making others feel less. Compliment a random stranger; Take time to make people feel loved. The world needs more kindness, not hatred.

Yes, I eat bread, I eat refined carbs, I eat gluten, I eat eggs, I eat egg yolk, I eat dairy, I eat fats, I eat sugar, I eat everything that the internet tells me not to eat if I want to lose weight. Why? Because I trust my body and myself to tell me what is good for me and what is not and I don’t need the internet to make me feel guilty about what I eat 🖕


so i’ve seen their new profiles and according to them the boys have lost a lot of weight and during the vlive yoonseok did the other day they talked about their diets, and i know these days people care so much about their weight, especially if you are a celebrity or you live in a country like korea where they find esthetic so important, but i think people need to start caring about their health more than about how skinny they’re; i’m not saying being on a diet is wrong, or being skinny is wrong, you need to eat healthy, being really fat is not healthy either, but the boys should just stop being so hard on themselves, they don’t need to starve, they don’t need to worry so much about kilograms; we love them just the way they are, because they’re hardworking, talented, so kind and down to earth, they don’t need to lose even more weight, they’re perfect just like this.

My Fitness Shit

Alright so a LOT of people have asked me what I do to at the gym what my diet is what should you should do as a beginner etc etc. 

My Program
For my program I am currently working out 4 to 5 times a week. Each day that I go I focus on a different muscle group: Push (Chest/Triceps), Pull (Back/Biceps), and Leg day. I also focus on a power lift, which can be: Bench Press, Deadlift, Overhead Press, or Squats. Along with a power lift I do accessory movements to complement it. Sometimes i’ll add in a few ab workouts but I don’t focus on that and i’ll say why in a sec.

Examples of my workout plans:
Push Day: Bench Press, Overhead Press, DB (Dumbell) Incline Press, DB Shoulder Press, Pec (Pectoral) Deck, Dip Machine, Side Lateral Raises, Overhead Tricep Extension, Rope Tricep Extensions, Cable Crossover, etc.

Pull Day: Deadlifts, DB Row, TBar Row, Seated Cable Rows, DB Curl, Rope Hammer Curl, Face Pulls, Lateral Pull Down, Reverse Pec Deck, etc.

Leg Day: Squats, Sumo Deadlift, Calf Raises, Leg Curls, Leg Extensions, Seated Leg Press, Hip Abduction, Hip Adduction. 

The usual amount of sets and reps is 3 sets of 15 reps for each of these workouts, HOWEVER, sometimes I will lower the amount of reps and increase the number of sets I’m doing if its a heavy day, meaning I will be lifting heavier weights because yay I am want to be stronger. 
Most likely this all sounds very scary and complicated but don’t worry! If you don’t know what these are just google them and if it looks fun to you then do it :)

My Diet
So my goal is to become lean, which is basically try to remove my fat as much as possible without losing too much muscle. To do this I need to keep track of what I eat. On the nutrition label of every food there is 3 macronutrients: Fats, Carbs, and Protein. This is important because I need to keep track of this if I want to lose fat. Right now I am eating about 600 calories below my BMI (Basal Metabolic Index) which is basically the amount of calories you need to go about your day. Google your BMI to find out how much you need :) I am eating 1600 calories a day AND I am trying to eat my weight in protein. Now I NEED TO DO THIS TO MAINTAIN MY MUSCLE MASS. Right now I weight around 130 lbs so I try to eat at LEAST 130 grams of protein. I am also limiting my fat intake to around 50g. I HIGHLY recommend you download the MyFitnessPal App!!! It makes it 10x easier to track what you eat!
So in short I am eating 1600 calories, ~130g of protein, ~200g of carbs, and <50g of fat
Now these numbers are dependent on your OWN weight, so if you want to find a good plan you gotta do some math okay? But yeah this is all I can think about at the moment. Good luck to everyone with their gains!

Kris's assurance towards a girl concerned with losing weight to achieve thinness

<72 Floors of Mystery>

Girl: This is my concern. As of late I’ve been trying to lose weight to get thin. But really crave pancakes, cakes, hot pot, egg waffles. What should I do? It’s really frustrating. Dieting is too hard.

Kris: This question troubles me too!

Girl: I think it’s really hard, I really love eating all kinds of delicious food, but at the same time I also want to become thin.

Kris: That’s right. (That you have a cute appearance) You’re perfect, really perfect. Right now I’ll explain in detail my viewpoint as a guy, towards this matter. First of all I don’t think that you’re fat at all. Secondly, if you insist on saying that you are fat, at the most I will say you are just chubby. Have you ever heard that being chubby is the best?

Girl: Heard of it

Kris: Have you heard it before? There’s such a saying, right.

Girl: Yes

Kris: What I said has meaning, right. I’m telling you, honestly, if you say that you want to lose weight due to health reasons, I will strongly support you. And you look really healthy. So there’s no need at all. So long as your weight is not affecting your health, you shouldn’t worry too much about these things. Yes, (being able to eat is a blessing). As long as you are happy, all is well. Wishing you happiness always.

i wish there were more fitness blogs that didn’t only post skinny girls :( i love seeing beautiful women but sometimes i just want motivation from my thick ladies like me