i need to know if this is acceptable so i'm putting it online

How to become a good student (again) 4: Layer Yourself to Merge Yourself

Hello, fellow ex-good student!

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife and hide yo husband, cause I’m about to drop the p-bomb:

That’s right… p…p…pro…

PROCRASTINATION!

I know. I know. The moment has come, man. Procrastination has cost me so many hours of my life that I will never get back and I guess it’s the same for you.
Here’s a bit of a secret - the first three posts so far? They were actually also about procrastination. Specifically, they were about WHY you or I might procrastinate.
1. Because you’re overwhelmed by choices
2. Because, goddamnit, it’s HARD to to start
3. Because you have a screwed up relationship with studying

Now, in this post, we will be tying these threads together by looking at the WHAT and the HOW. You’ve examined the roots, you’ve gotten rid of the pesky little bugs living down there, so… WHAT is procrastination really and HOW do you defeat it and actually start studying?

Procrastinaton, for me, is a state of mind, a surround sound and most of all: a place - it’s LIMBO. It’s physically being unable to do something. Being caught in a web (very often the world wide one). Drowning in water. Being pulled apart, gaining momentum, losing control, cotton in my ears, the heat of shame in my chest, a thousand voices in my mind that I try to silence.

“You should be -”
“You have to -”
“You must -”

“Do something, do something, do something, anything, anything, anything, anything”
“You loser, you can’t even -”
“YOU USED TO BE GREAT and now you’re just-”

I hate myself while doing it. I feel horrible. I feel useless.
But at the same time, at the very bottom of my mind, there is something that I’ve refused to acknowledge for the longest time: a sense of pleasure.
Why
do I feel this weird sense of pleasure when I procrastinate? Why do I feel pleasure when I know I’m sabotaging my future through inaction? When I’m digging myself into a deeper and deeper grave? When I hate myself at the same time? Why do I procrastinate at all? Is it because of that underlying ironic pleasure?

Well, to find the answer to those questions, we first need to ask ourselves a bigger one: what is the OPPOSITE of limbo? If limbo is being caught in the middle of nowhere, floating, glitching, slowly imploding, then what is the opposite?
I’d say it’s movement, direction and action - you being in charge and moving things along, having agency, being alive and powerful and energetic and hot. I’d say it’s FLOW.

When I was a child, I had little to no problem syncing in and out of flow. It just came to me like second nature and I LOVED it. I loved the way my brain buzzed and I completely forgot about my surroundings. I loved disappearing into ideas, books, stories, video games, homework, a teacher’s lesson, a friend’s story, my own projects. I went in and out as I pleased and could turn it on and off like a light switch. It was so. much. fun. and I was so, so lucky to have had the privilege of such a talent.

Back then, I used to ache and hunger for a challenge. Things were smooth and easy and fun, but I wanted MORE - harder exercises, deeper questions, more challenging teachers. When I told my father about that, he smiled and said

“Be happy. You have put so much work into this. This is the moment it’s all paying off - you’ve turned and turned and turned your wheel and now it’s running smoothly along the street without even noticing how uneven the ground is.”

He was right, of course, but as time went on, I became more and dissatisfied with my smooth little wheel and started to procrastinate more and more. Why? And, again: where does the pleasure at procrastinating come from?

I’d argue that there are two main factors and one huge reason:

FACTOR 1: The wheel didn’t deliver on its promises

I already mentioned this in the very first post, but basically: disillusionment. I loved working hard, but I also expected it to pay off at some point. However, apart from the occasional pat on the head from a teacher or my parents’ smiles, there wasn’t all that much to be gained. There were no harder exercises, no special treatments, no big revelations - even university, my very last bastion of hope turned out to be a glorified bouncy castle.
I was just bored and the work I put into it wasn’t worth the outcome anymore. The system had failed me.

FACTOR 2: Suddenly, there were a lot of wheels

It is easy to glorify my younger self, but, really, child-me had it a lot easier.
Child-me only had one wheel to spin (school) and as I grew older, I realized that there were, well, many other wheels I had neglected.
I had a lot of catching up to do in areas like empathy, charisma, self-confidence and self-worth outside of academia, humour and fashion. And when I left school, there were even MORE wheels: suddenly, I also had to keep my job, my apartment, my much more complicated social life, my manifold hobbies and a somewhat healthy sleep schedule going.
I wasn’t prepared for this abundance of wheels. I’d grown up thinking that as long as I could keep the one wheel I was good at spinning (academia), I’d be juuuuust dandy. Well, I was wrong and I realized that, once again the system had failed me.

If only I’d had better teachers. If only I’d listened to the good ones. If only I’d worked the problem earlier. If only I was part of a better system that would recognize and foster my talents. Who knows how much I could achieve? Who knows how much I could have ALREADY achieved?

And that’s where the pleasure of procrastination comes from.
It is defiance. It is rebellion. It is a big “FUCK YOU” to the system that failed me. It is a “Look at me! I’m operating outside the system and I’m STILL getting semi-good grades. I don’t need any of you. I don’t need any of this. I’m playing by MY rules. I’m getting shit done MY way. Because YOUR way disappointed me. Because I am FREE.”

If, at this point, you’re starting to feel sorry for me (or yourself for being in a similar situation) …that’s exactly the problem. There’s really no way to say this nicely, so here we go:

PROCRASTINATION IS NO MORE AND NO LESS THAN A GLORIFIED VICTIM COMPLEX.

Let me explain.
When you procrastinate, doesn’t it feel like you HAVE TO do things? Like you’re being FORCED to do something? Like you’re POWERLESS? Like you’re STUCK? Like you’re SUFFERING? Like you’re AT THE MERCY of your negative thoughts, the system or you’re conscience? Like you’re being WHIPPED AROUND? Like you crave recognition of your SUFFERING? Like you don’t have a choice except RUNNING AWAY and not facing what you’re FORCED to face?

All of these thoughts and emotions put you in the position of a sufferer - a victim.

You see yourself as a victim of the system, the school, the state, the assignment you should be working on. You deliver yourself unto their power. You submit to a simple dichotomy: I HAVE to do this or I SHOULD FEEL like shit.
I HAVE to do this, so I MUST suffer and accept the infringement of my freedom.

Well, let me tell you something that just about changed my life when I fully, deeply and profoundly realized the truth behind these words:

YOU 
DON’T 
HAVE
TO 
DO 
SHIT. 


…or a bit more eloquently put:

You’re the one in control.

No, honestly. You are. 

If you wanted to, you could throw it all into the wind, take the next train to nowhere and see where life takes you. But do you want to do that? 
And, the even bigger question: why do you feel SO powerless that this small, stupid act of rebellion against The System is enough to intoxicate you SO much that you keep coming back to suckle on its sweet, sweet bitter nectar?

It’s because you feel trapped. It’s because you feel lost. 
It’s because you feel like you have so much potential and it’s all going to FUCKING waste and if somebody were to just give you a FUCKING hand you could really show everybody just how much you can FUCKING do and-

-let me stop you right there and let me ask you 4 questions:

QUESTION 1)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are …but what’s the use of your intelligence if you can’t use it to improve your own life?

If you’re anything like me, you find it very easy and rewarding to help other people with their problems. You easily see the roots of problems and the ways that conflicts could be resolved. You’re an excellent trouble-shooter and a strategist in video games and for your friends… but what about your own life? Why do you ACCEPT playing the role of the victim in your own life?

Why do you accept this suffering?

Long story short: because you’ve grown used to it.

You’ve forgotten what it feels like to make active choices, to exert your full agency and to take full responsibility for whatever mess might come of it. Leading me to…

Question 2)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but what’s the use of your intelligence if you don’t take anything seriously?

Be honest: when was the last time you took anything seriously and gave it your all? …no? Nothing?


Well, if you’re anything like me, I’m sure you know the neat excuse of “eh, I was just winging it, but if I REALLY tried-” and do you know what that is? It’s cowardice and it’s self-victimization.

I know I’m coming on very strong.
But the truth is this: I know this. I know this because I’ve been living this. I’ve been living a second-hand life that I allowed to be ruled by “the system” and guilt and made-up obligations …and I almost lost myself in the process.

Maybe you can realize it with me: It’s some time ago, I wake up in the middle of the night and randomly feel like taking an IQ test online. I’m still half-asleep, I roll onto my stomach, I don’t even sit up, I meander my way through the questions. Shit. I realize that time is running out and I haven’t even finished ¾ of the questions! I panick. I feel guilty. I finally sit up. I start trying harder. I’m getting faster and faster - faster than I ever thought possible. And despite 5 minutes of good effort - 
I fail. Hard.
And as I sit there in my dark room, my unbelievably sucky result glowing on the screen of my mobile phone and I look out of the window, I realize: this has been my life for the past 5 years. Winging stuff at not even 50% of my capacity and being hurt by the results. Honestly, when WAS the last time I took anything really seriously? 

The next day, I get 8 hours of sleep, sit down in front of my laptop with a bottle of water, search for the most professional IQ test I can find and concentrate from the very beginning. I score 30 points higher. 

Let me repeat that: I scored 30 points higher on an IQ test because I actually tried. Magical things can happen if you take stuff seriously.

Leading us to

Question 3)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but when was the last time your intelligence has brought you joy?

Maybe you’re familiar with the phrase “The burnt child dreads the fire”? When I thought back on my academic progress in the last years, I realized that there really hadn’t been much joy anywhere. Pretty much everything had sucked. 

Big time.

Of course I wouldn’t want to invest my energy into something that didn’t yield any good results … right?

Wrong. My lack of good results was only an indicator for the real problem: my lack of effort.
The simple truth is this: 
We are smart. We enjoy doing what we are good at. We enjoy hard mental work, REGARDLESS of the results.
But once I started to focus too much on the results and thought it was all about having a great CV and min-maxing my grades… I just didn’t have fun anymore. I didn’t allow myself to have fun anymore. To disappear into a world of thoughts like I used to as a child. To invest way too much time into a project, to have an absolute BLAST creating something complex and outstanding and super cool. 

Bringing us to…

Question 4) 
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but can you really create something extraordinary?

See that’s the thing: when I was a child, I didn’t just take school seriously.
I wanted to go the extra mile. 
And honestly? That was the whole secret. I wanted to create something that wasn’t just special but mind-blowingly special. It’s not like I knew I had it in me, but rather that I wanted grow to have more and more in me and I knew that the only way to do that was to challenge myself again and again.
That’s the difference between viewing your intelligence and your capabilities as stagnant or growing. There is no joy and no truth in regarding yourself as stagnant - the best of violin players started out sounding like a dying cat and the best athletes kept stumbling. If you want to create and become something extraordinary, you need to know that it will not happen overnight. You need to know that it will be a slow, hard and challenging hike up a hill and the only thing that keeps you climbing is your willingness to go the extra mile so you can see the view become more and more beautiful.

The real pleasure of studying is not getting good results and bragging rights - that’s just a cool side-effect. The real pleasure of studying is studying and that means working and knowing that working gets you one step ahead one step at a time.

So HOW can you change? HOW can you regain control? How can you consciously go from limbo to flow?
First of all:

1) RECLAIM YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AND YOUR PASSION

The first thing I tell myself in the morning is “My life is in my hands.”
That’s not always an easy sentence to start with, especially if I haven’t slept well or if I’m sick or in the middle of a fight or an existential crisis or just crabby.
But it’s always true. It’s MY life and it’s my responsibility to make the best of it. 

One poem in particular has really helped me, so who knows, maybe it’ll help some of you guys as well:

The Vow

No matter how deep the sadness or wide the pain,
I vow to live for a brighter day will come again.

No matter how many mistakes I’ve made in the past,
I vow to live and in the future avoid them, surefooted and fast.

No matter how many tragedies beyond my control take place,
I vow to live and stay my course within this race.

No matter how poor or rich I may ever be,
I vow to live and aspire to search for the dignity in simplicity.

No matter how much a lover may pierce the inner core of my heart,
I vow to live for like spring I’ll get a new start.

No matter how isolated and alone I may feel,
I vow to live and do something for someone else to heal.

No matter how hopeless my situation my appear,
I vow to live and reflect until my viewpoint is clear.

No matter what happens in this life – good or bad
I vow to live, do my best, and just for living – be glad.

– Malcolm O. Varner

If you want to find pleasure in studying again, you need to embrace your own passion.
I know it’s a lot “cooler” to be indifferent towards studying, to procrastinate, to do it almost out of spite and at the last minute. But is it really?
No one wins. It’s not rewarding. It’s not fulfilling. You’ll have forgotten it in a week. It just sucks for everyone involved. Love what you do. Love it like you would a lover. Be considerate, be tender and be patient.
It must not feel like an obligation. It must feel like a passion - a fiery want for new horizons, mentals fireworks and lightbulb moments. It must come from yourself, from your bowels, your fibres, your blood - not from some ominous outside force. 

“I have to do this.” -> “I want to do this!”
“I’m losing time. There is so much I have to do, I want to be done with this already.” -> “I want to give this my time. This is absolutely worth it. I really want to be doing this right now.”
“Be fast. Be faster.” -> “Slow down. Be patient. Cherish this moment.”
“This is hard. I hate it. I hate it so much.” -> “This is challenging. I love it. I love it so much.”
“I can make this perfect, it has to be perfect! I could give this my all, I can give this my all. If I’m not giving this my all, I’m a complete and utter failure. Better not try at all rather than screwing it up. Again.”   -> “This is a work-in-progress, just like anything else. I am sure I can improve it bit by bit, by devoting some of my time to it. Even if I don’t get very far today, I’m sure the experience will pay off in the long run and I might find some unrelated ideas for other projects!”

You must go from this:

To that:

2) MAKE ACTIVE CHOICES.

(Like, maybe make the choice NOT to wear that speedo)

Because that’s really what it comes down to in the end: CHOICE. Nobody actively chooses to procrastinate. Procrastination is the absence of choice. 

Years of little to no success make you feel like your choices don’t matter -> you feel like you cannot influence anything -> you might as well not try -> you procrastinate.
But here’s the thing: your choices DO matter (DITCH that speedo!) and you must regain that trust in yourself.

We NEED to be able to make choices about their own lives. It makes us feel powerful and like we are truly alive.
It makes us feel like we are, you guessed it, in the flow.

Now, of course it’d be nice if I told you “Make conscious choices sweaty <3 ;*” and you’d go out and do it and that was it. But, truth be told, it’s hella hard to get there and it will take you at least a year of constant effort.
For me, this year meant constantly asking myself “Wait, do I REALLY want to do this right now?” and establishing a neat rule for all media consumption that goes “Always enrichment, never escape”. But, as I said, that’s a work-in-progress and something that you will have to work on in your own time and at your own pace.
Luckily, I found a shortcut :D

Now, the shortcut does not replace the year of constant effort, mind you, but it can help to make it a lot easier:

THE STUDY ROOM

What’s the “Study Room”? Well…
You might have been wondering what the title “Layer Yourself to Merge Yourself” is all about. This was my thought process:

  • 1) I want to get from limbo to flow
  • 2) And I want studying to feel like a reward in and of itself
  • 3) And it’d be nice if I could concentrate on just spinning one wheel at a time, so I can really lose myself in it
  • 4) I also want it to be a conscious choice, so I can train my decision-making process
  • ….
  • ….but how?
  • …”fake it till you make it” or what, haha?
  • ….I guess what that really means is that you have to act like you’re already there until you’re there?
  • …so, like, you have to artifically induce naturalness?
  • …haha, wouldn’t it be neat if I could do that and “transform” into my “study-form” like the Avatar or a magical girl or a superhero or something?
  • …..
  • …wait. Wait. WAIT. What if I COULD?
  • What if there was a “me” that was specifically always in the flow and already loves and is good at studying and which I only access whenever I want to study?
  • So I create a new “me”, so that, over time, we can become one again and I can change into that “me” whenever I want?
  • …cool.
  • …but how?
  • I could always go to a special place, but that would limit me whenever that place wasn’t availabe.
  • …buuuuuut…..
  • …..what if it was a place I could ALWAYS access?
  • what if it was a place in my MIND?
  • ….
  • …..holy SHIT.

And that’s how the “Study Room” was born. Below, I will detail the journey to my personal “study room”, but I wager that everybody’s study room will look a little different depending on what makes you feel most comfortable, rational and “in the flow”.

STEP 1 - DETACH FROM LIMBO

Close your eyes. Lean back.
Do it with me now. Consider this your tutorial. Bring yourself to a screeching halt, throw an anchor into the the ground of the stormy sea, pull the brakes, just - stop. Stop. Slow down.
Close your eyes, lean back, keep your eyes closed for a good minute - god, how long a minute can be, right?- and feel your breathing consciously, slowly, feel how you are alive and full of hunger, feel how your heart beats, feel how much tension has built up inside of you, how much energy has been stored and how much you actually ache to do something meaningful. Feel it. Keep your eyes closed until you feel it. Then, come back to me.

STEP 2 - BECOME AWARE OF REALITY

I don’t know if you’ll need this step, but I live very much inside my head and limbo just makes that effect even stronger. So, I like to remind myself of my physicality, of my spatial realness, of my ability to perceive and interact with the world in this step. I re-connect with the world and it slows me down even more - it’s a bit like hooking myself into this world, so limbo can’t claim me so easily.
I drink a glass of water, I eat a carrot, I touch a cold tile, I feel the texture of a pillow, I play with my own hair - if I’m in public, like in a library, I usually just brush over my lips or grip the table unobtrusively. It’s a small step, one that usually doesn’t take longer than 10 seconds, but it’s one that has helped me a lot.

(When I’m really caught up in limbo, I usually lie down on the floor in my room. That works wonders)

STEP 3 - ENTER YOUR STUDY PLACE

At this point, I close my eyes again and visualize. I enter another world, the world of studying in my mind.

STEP 3A - THE DOOR

My eyes are still closed and imagine a dark, circular room: this is the entrance to my Study Room ™. I stand in the middle of the room - there is one door right in front of me, two to my left and two to my right. I have no idea what’s behind those other doors or why my imagination has conjured up a room like that, but hey, it works and here we are.
I gather all my concentration and repeat “My life is in my hands. I take on the responsibility for my own life. I WANT to learn. I CHOOSE this.” to myself. Then, I consciously choose to walk in only one direction, channeling all my thoughts into a straight line: towards the door right in front of me. I enter through it - somehow, I never have to actually open it, so it might be more like an open doorway?

STEP 3B - THE WATER

I step through the door and find myself in a space filled with water. I have absolutely no trouble breathing and I can easily swim, turn, glide and spiral like a dolphin. The water washes the last remnants of limbo off me, I feel my tensions washing away, my mind waking up, the wheel starting to move, my chest feeling lighter, my heart feeling hotter, my breathing going slow and steady. I swim in this liminal space for as long as I need to, I revel, I breathe, I wallow, I luxuriate until I feel ready to emerge from the water.
(wonder what psychologists would say about this little ritual - is it a literal re-birth? is this the womb? who knows? it works and that’s good enough for me right now …now that I think about it, that beach scene from Gravity might have been an inspiration. Man, I loved that movie already, but that ending?? Aaaaanyway, moving on…)

STEP 3C - THE WORLD

Then, I swim upwards and emerge from the water, head-first. The sun is warm and shines on my head and I step out of the water with bare feet, toes curling around grass and my lungs breathing in fresh forest air. Somewhere, a bird is singing, white clouds are languidly drifting by, all is warm, comfortable and good. I sit down on a giant mushroom by a tree (hey, don’t ask me, I don’t know), take a last deep breath and put pen to paper.
At this point, I open my eyes in the real world. I am completely relaxed, a thousand miles away from limbo, in another dimension even, calm and happy to engage with questions and wonders.

I’m in the flow.

In this world, I am a different me. A “study-me”.
In time, this me and I will merge again and we have already merged quite a bit. My walk through the Study Room process has become faster and faster and I am quite certain that, in time, it won’t take longer than a fraction of a second and it will seem like I can switch my flow on and off again like I used to. My study wheel is rolling again.

But if yours isn’t just yet, then …this is it. This is how, this is why and this is the very moment I re-connect with my “study values”, my passion and my agency, again and again and I choose to do it. Again. And again.


It is, really, all about choice.

And that’s the advantage I have over the old me. The old me studied because I didn’t know anything else and because I thought that I had to. 
The me right now chooses to study because I want to. And that makes it ten times more effective, more freeing and more fun.

So run wild, enjoy, actively enter that world of studying in your head, no matter what yours might look like (rain? palm trees? other planet? go bonkers!), it’s about choosing this and wanting this. It is about YOU saying “Yes, there are other interesting things and wheels out there, but right here, right now, I want this, nothing else and I will give it all of myself for as long as I want to.”

As you might have guessed by the gifs, I really recommend watching Free! Iwatobi Swim Club if you’re interested in overcoming procrastination.
(I swear I’m not sponsored by KyoAni, but for all their other shortcomings, their characters always have amazing character arcs when it comes to professionalism and passions) Both Rin and Haru are caught in their own versions of limbo and following Rin’s journey in Season 1 and Haru’s journey in Season 2 really helped me realize a lot of things about my own life and about how I dealt with passion, talent and my career.

The last part of this series will include a Q&A, so if there is something you didn’t quite understand or are unsure about, something you’d like to add or recommend to others, something you’d like me to explain in more detail or demonstrate through other examples, please, just write me a message (my inbox is absolutely open!) and I will answer it in Part 5 :)

Thank you for coming along on this ride! I hope some of my thoughts could help you and please, do let me know if my methods work for you - I’d love to know! :D 

Your life is in your hands,

-studyinstyle

anonymous asked:

ooh, if you're accepted requests! after last week's episode, I kept wondering to myself how bughead would be in a long distance relationship? with him in toldedo and her still in riverdale. I imagine they would last pretty long. lol. could you write something on that? I'm curious to how you would picture it!

Awesome!
****

Jughead sighed heavily, dropping his bag to the floor and kicking one of Jellybeans endless pairs of converse across the room, she may be a tomboy but the ten year old could never have enough shoes. Today had been a particularly brutal day at school for the beanie wearing boy, after being tossed around by the football team he was left with a bruise on his cheek and a serious appreciation for Reggie Mantle, atleast the airhead jock didn’t beat him up on a regular basis.

Throwing himself on his bed and grabbing his laptop he said a quick Thankyou to whatever God was up there, Betty was online and her Skype name was blinking. Jughead clicked on the green telephone and adjusted himself so he was as close to the screen as possible, suddenly dark green eyes and dimples graced his laptop and he instantly found himself relaxing.

“Hey there Juliet” he mumbled, the smile breaking free on his face as he saw her own eyes light up.

“Juggie” she said softly, eyes scanning his face and Landing instantly on the purple bruise forming quickly “what is that!” Her fingers reached out to the screen, desperately trying to touch his pain, make it better.

“It’s nothing.” He said quickly, his own fingers reaching out almost as if there weren’t hours between them.

Betty shook her head vehemently
“It’s not nothing! Someone hit you! Someone hit my boyfriend!” Her eyes lit up and he saw the raw determination pass over her.

“Bets.. it was just a couple of idiot jocks, it’s really not worth my time. I wanna talk about you, how was cheerleading?” He quickly changed the subject, leaning closer and memorizing every freckle, every beauty mark.

She sighed again before launching into a story about how Cheryl had fallen when Ginger bent down to tie her shoe in the middle of a lift, suddenly she was cut off by the familiar high pitched giggle from outside her window
“That’s Ronnie, her, Archie and I are heading to Pops. Burgers and shake night, it’s a new thing he’s doing, buy a burger get a free shake.” She rolled her eyes at the silly town she lived in as Jughead felt the familiar ache in his chest. he was homesick. He was Betty sick.

“Come on Bets! You know vanilla goes fast and we all know my beautiful yet fiery girlfriend always takes the last one!” Archie called from below her window, slinging an arm around Veronica and kissing her cheek.

Betty laughed out her window and looked back at the screen with sad eyes
“I have to go.” She whispered.

“I know.” He answered.

She sighed again and rested her chin in her palm
“I wish you were here” she said wistfully

“I know” he said again, laying his palm flat on the screen as she did the same

“Text me?” Betty asked softly.

“Always”

Just as he was about to hit the end button Betty spoke again

“Don’t forget to check your mail today Romeo.” She winked and ended the call.

He practically ran towards the mailbox, tripping over his feet and ignoring his mother calling his name. Sure enough sticking out of the mailbox was a white envelope with Betty’s distinct girly handwriting. He tore into it with a smile, taking in the faint scent of her vanilla and peach perfume. They had been doing this ever since Jughead had moved to Toledo five months ago, they would write letters to one another, silly letters with poems and drawing, blurbs about how they were feeling, sentences for a novel they claimed they would string together one day. It was so old fashioned, so lame, yet so very Betty and Jughead.

“Even if I saw you only once
I would long for you for worlds,
Worlds and worlds”

Her neatly swirled cursive stuck out against the doodles she had drawn and he felt something wet drip onto his hand. Putting his fingers to his face he realized he was crying.

He held the letter to his chest when the soft fingers of his mother rested on his shoulder

“You love her.” She said simply.

He couldn’t do anything but nod. His mother wiped her hands on her apron and shook her head

“Okay then, you’ll leave next week.” She said firmly.

Jughead turned to look at her with wide eyes,
“Leave where? I can’t leave. This is my family.” He said beaten.

“Yes it is, but that.” She pointed to the letter in his hands “that is your home. I’ve found a job in Riverdale. Your father wasn’t happy about it, but I’ve seen how miserable you are here. I don’t want that for you, I want you to be happy. And that beautiful young woman is who makes you happy. Face it, Jellybean is flunking out of fourth grade, maybe a change of scenery will do her some good. Plus, it might be nice to catch up with Alice Cooper, she was always so lovely to me.” His mother said with a wistful smile.“you’ll stay with the Andrews until your father can find us a place but it shouldn’t take too long, I’ve been on google.” Jughead laughed heartily as his mother proudly smiled.

“We’ll be with you soon enough, but as of now? You need to go home.”

Jughead lunged at his mother, wrapping his arms around her neck and burying his face in her chest “Thankyou” he whispered as she rubbed his back.
****

A week later Jughead stood outside of Riverdale high, his hands shoved into his pockets as he waited for his girlfriend to exit the building. Soon enough, the familiar blonde ponytail was coming towards him, her eyes focused on something he couldn’t see.

“Hey Juliet.” He called towards her, a genuine smile lighting up his face. Betty’s eyes whipped to his before she was standing there slack jawed and wide eyed

“Juggie?” She whispered.

“In the flesh” he called out, reaching his arms out.

Betty dropped her book bag and ran towards her boyfriend, jumping into his arms and almost knocking him to the ground, her lips attacking his as her tears wet his face (it definitely wasn’t a mixture of both of their tears, he had allergies, it was the pollen. god)

“What are you doing here?!” She asked, her smile so big he was afraid she would break

“This whole long distance relationship? It wasn’t working for me.” He shrugged, his hands squeezing her waist sincerely.

“You’re staying?” She whispered.

“I’m staying”

Betty threw her arms around Jugheads neck and squeezed him.

Sure he loved his family, and they were some of the most important people to him, but right here? Right now?

He was finally home.

anonymous asked:

The v3 cast with an s/o who has low self esteem? (I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense I don't know English very well)

Yep sure thing I get you don’t worry you make sense :D

DRV3 Cast & S/O with low self esteem

Shuuichi Saihara

  • He knew you were withdrawn
  • But he started noticing how lowly you thought of yourself
  • It saddened him to see you constantly making digs at yourself
  • Whenever you did he would deny it with all his might
  • Insisting you were wrong
  • “We’re looking at the same thing here Y/N, and I’m not lying,”
  • He would cuddle you
  • He knew how hard it was to change how you thought
  • So he just tried his best to stop you whenever you put yourself down

Kaede Akamatsu

  • She didn’t notice at first
  • Like naturally she knew there would be days when you weren’t feeling great about yourself
  • But you seemed constantly unhappy with yourself
  • She would pull you to one side one day having had enough
  • “Y/N! You’re a gorgeous person! You shouldn’t have to feel like this about yourself!”
  • She would make sure you looked her in the eye
  • “Promise me you’ll try to be more forgiving to yourself?”
  • You just nodded
  • She knew it’d take more than that, but she didn’t give up, and constantly complimented you to remind you to look at yourself differently

Kaito Momota

  • He couldn’t understand why you put yourself down so much
  • He thought the world of you
  • And one day it annoyed him a bit too much
  • And he raised his voice without meaning to
  • Which led to tears
  • He was immediately apologising and pulling you to him
  • “I’m so sorry Y/N… It just frustrates me that you can’t see how brilliant you are… I just want you to look at yourself differently,”
  • He would cuddle you for the rest of the evening
  • Promising to help you build your self esteem and to not shout at you again about it

Angie Yonaga

  • She couldn’t understand why you didn’t think highly of yourself
  • Because she felt blessed to be with you
  • She couldn’t see why you didn’t see how great you were
  • So every day she’d leave you a message
  • Or tell you face to face
  • Just telling you how great you were in one manner
  • Or telling you to look in the mirror and find something you liked about yourself
  • If you refused she would drag you to the mirror
  • And just wait until you did it

Kiibo

  • He didn’t notice the signs at first
  • It was only when one day he caught you mumbling to yourself that he realised
  • The things you’d been saying about yourself were beyond kind
  • And he couldn’t understand it
  • So he just followed you
  • “Why did you say that about yourself Y/N?”
  • You jumped and turned, not realising he was there
  • “Because it’s true.”
  • He frowned and shook his head, planting his hands on your shoulders
  • “No it’s not! You shouldn’t think like that about yourself! I will make sure this changes!”

Maki Harukawa

  • She didn’t say anything at first
  • Choosing to observe and see if you were simply having a bad day
  • But it was a common occurrence
  • So she just came up to you
  • “Why do you keep saying these things? You can’t surely think them,”
  • You answered her with silence
  • She wasn’t the best at those situations
  • So she just looked online on how she could help build your self esteem
  • And then started to make more of an effort to stop you saying negative things and appreciate yourself more

Rantaro Amami

  • He also watched to see if it was a common thing
  • Before just beckoning you over one day
  • Getting you to straddle his lap
  • So he could kiss up your neck and to your lips
  • Where he pulled away slightly so that his lips brushed against yours as he spoke
  • “Why do you think such negative things about yourself?”
  • You tried to look away but his hand came to gently cup your cheek
  • “Please, try not to put yourself down so. You need to love yourself, it’s the one love you’ll always be sure of, well, as well as my own of course,”
  • He just kissed you softly and pulled you to him

Himiko Yumeno

  • She didn’t like how you put yourself down
  • She pouted at you when she overheard
  • You just looked at her and went to apologise
  • “You shouldn’t be apologising to me! You should be apologising to yourself! You’re amazing Y/N, why don’t you believe that?!”
  • You just stuttered a reply but she folded her arms over her chest
  • “I won’t let you put yourself down Y/N. We’re gunna make sure you see how great you are, okay?”
  • You didn’t disagree with her but just nodded
  • And she squinted but accepted it, hugging you and promising she wasn’t actually mad, she just wanted you to be kinder to yourself

Kokichi Ouma

  • He couldn’t stand it
  • And wouldn’t put up with it
  • “You’re not allowed to say those things anymore Y/N. Or even think them. I’ll know if you do!”
  • You just looked at him sceptically
  • But he insisted
  • “There’ll be punishments if you do!”
  • You exhaled but he tilted his head back to you
  • “Whether you accept it or not. I’m going to build your self esteem Y/N.”
  • He started to leave you notes of positivity or compliments in the most peculiar ways
  • But they made you smile and that was his goal

Tsumugi Shirogane

  • She was puzzled by it
  • Always asking you why you thought such things
  • Who made you think such things?
  • Why did they do that to you?
  • She would find ways to help you
  • However it was
  • She would do whatever it was you needed
  • Because she hated to see how low you got
  • And hated to see you crying on days that your esteem was particularly low
  • She felt she could help build you back up again
  • So stopped at nothing to do so

Gonta Gokuhara

  • He was the most puzzled
  • “Gonta doesn’t like it when Y/N says bad things about themself!”
  • He would always get really confused as to why you felt that way
  • He’d try his best to always lift your spirit
  • “If Gonta lifts Y/N, will that raise Y/N’s self esteem too?”
  • One way to find out
  • He would lift you up or carry you whenever you were low
  • And then carry you somewhere until you insisted you’d be kinder to yourself
  • And then he would beam and clap his hands together, hugging you and thanking you

Tenko Chabashira

  • She would legit fight you over it
  • She would be so positive
  • The second you begun to say something negative about yourself she would wrestle you
  • And just roll around
  • “I won’t stop until you stop thinking these things!”
  • She would literally roll around for hours if need be
  • And she became able to tell when you were thinking negative things too
  • So she would scribble lipstick over the mirror
  • And spin you around until you were too dizzy to think about anything else
  • “There we go! Now we’re going out, get ready, leaving in 10 mins!”

Korekiyo Shinguuji

  • He was quiet about it at first
  • Wondering if there was a proper reason for it
  • He first checked to see if someone was making you believe these things
  • But it seemed it was more deep rooted than that
  • So he just gently suggested you getting help
  • Or asking you how he could help you
  • Because it pained him to see you like this
  • When you were low he would just wrap his arms around you and kiss you softly
  • Truly pampering you with gentle kisses
  • And just doing what he could to help you believe you were the best person in his life

Kirumi Tojo

  • She was the most patient about it
  • She would sit down with you one day
  • And ask about your past
  • Wanting to know who first made you believe these things
  • Because she knew they couldn’t have come from nowhere
  • “I don’t want you to compare yourself to anyone else from now on, okay?”
  • She knew it was a long process
  • But she observed each small piece of progress
  • And always celebrated in a way that you didn’t notice at first
  • But as time went on ‘spontaneous dates’ had another meaning and you worked it out

Ryoma Hoshi

  • He stayed neutral
  • Knowing these things weren’t a quick fix
  • He just did what he could to try help build you up
  • He didn’t want to delve too much into the cause
  • Instead focusing on what he could do now
  • He tried his best to be positive for you
  • But you could tell he had his moments where he struggled himself
  • “Hey, let’s make a promise to each other, yeah? We both want to help the other back to a good place, but we’ve both got to take the time to love ourselves too, can you do that?”
  • You both agreed and worked through it together

Miu Iruma

  • She understood you
  • Even with her outgoing side she knew what you were going through
  • So she would try her best to help pick you up when you were low
  • Or she would leave you notes
  • She would often kiss you and try distract you
  • “You’re not allowed to think these bad things… I mightn’t always be on hand to remind you how loved you are… You need to remember yourself too!”
  • She struggled being honest with her feelings
  • But she did her best to help pick you up
  • And would often list the thing she loved most about you
  • Which eventually painted a picture of you as a whole
  • “Now you’ve got to look at yourself and see what I see… Yeah?”

anonymous asked:

Hello, this may sound silly but i'm currently enrolled to attend Art Center next year but, upon consideration (also the fact i have no money that i've had to push my acceptance by a YEAR) and your own information, i'm thinking of dropping the school altogether and going to a cheaper option (LCAD being a better option in my option) so i was wondering if i'm being rash in this idea? I know ArtCenter has a lot of name recognition, internship, and career help, but is that worth going into dept for?

i get a lot of asks from people who ask me if they should go to art school and my answer is always just “hell no no”, so i think i will make this my master Don’t Go to Art School post.

ok here’s the bottom line: just don’t go to art school. don’t go!! don’t go to any accredited art school!! unless you have a full ride scholarship or close to it, don’t go!! literally every working professional i have met since graduating a year ago has agreed with me. we love to get together and bitch about how art school is a waste of time and money.

an education at art center will cost you about $200,000 in tuition alone. lcad isn’t much better and runs about $120,000. during my time at art center, i had a scholarship and help from my parents and i still owe $30,000 in student loans.

and honestly art center didn’t help me get the job i have today. literally all it did for me was introduce me to talented and friendly people who are willing to extend a hand to help each other out in the field. but making friends shouldn’t have to cost you $200,000 lmaooooooo.

here’s my super simple guide to getting a job in animation:

1. move to L.A. this is non-negotiable. all the studios are here. i’ve had uber drivers that have studio hookups and i’ve been offered jobs just sitting in a cafe in burbank and drawing. just existing in the epicenter of animation is an advantage.

2. welcome to L.A! it’s really hot here but i hope you enjoy it. now that you’re here, let’s not go to art school.

3. here are some much cheaper options:

http://2d.cgmasteracademy.com/

http://conceptdesignacad.com/

https://animationguild.org/about-the-guild/education/

https://www.schoolism.com/school.php

https://www.facebook.com/WillB.Weston?fref=ts (one of my old teachers from art center teaches a ton of workshops and classes all around town

and if you absolutely insist on going to some kind of 4 year college-like thing, try http://laafa.org/. it is about a quarter of the cost of art center, which is still pretty steep imo, but is just as good.

4. i’m even going to give you a cheat guide on what you should study (all of this you can find online for free btw!! just google it!! damn just try pinterest even!! or buy a book!!), based on what i studied at art center. design, composition, perspective, anatomy, color theory, costume design, light logic, visual storytelling, character design, character acting, storyboarding, prop design, background design, environment painting, style development. there ya go that’s all you need to know.

5. lock yourself in a studio apartment for 4 years and practice all the above everyday.

6. study the work of artists working in the field that you admire. do what they do, then put your own heart into it. make work relevant to the industry today. know what your goal is. like literally, having access to soooo much artwork from working professionals on a daily basis is almost like cheating.

7. http://centerstagegallery.com/csg/csg-sketch-group/ and http://www.thedrawingclub.com/ go here and draw when you have free time. make friends with other artists. join a plein air painting club, or do a workshop, or ask for a mentorship. talk to people in the field!! make friends!!

8. make really good work and put it online. everywhere. share it!! have a website! contact recruiters! contact studios you like and ask them when they have internships open!

9. go to CTN every year and bring your portfolio. sign up for portfolio reviews. bring cards with you. ask the recruiters about internships.

10. congrats u now have a pretty good chance of getting a career in animation and u didn’t spend $200,000 for it.

i may sound bitter and jaded about art school (and maybe i am……..a little…….) but honestly i’m way more excited because after a year of working in the industry and meeting people who either didn’t go to art school or went to shitty no-name schools, i am super passionate about the fact that we live in a day and age where anyone who’s willing to put the work in and discipline themselves can develop the skills to become a professional artist without going to school. art is for everyone!! not just people who can afford school! art is fun! and great! and i want everyone who is passionate about it to succeed and not let the obstacle of $$$$$ stonewall them out of a career they’ll love!

don’t go to art school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who else dad is weird like this 🙄
  • *in another world at another time*
  • Me: *gets text*
  • Dad: Hey, who's my favorite daughter?
  • Me: Dad?
  • Dad: Hey there, dear. 😉
  • Me: DAD WTF YOU'RE ALIVE.
  • Dad: Last time I checked I was. 😂
  • Me: *out loud* Oh my god!
  • Roommate: Please stop screaming, I'm in a very intense debate about the merits of socialism with an online friend, and I can't concentrate with you making such a racket.
  • Me: Socialism? Aren't you incredibly rich and vain?
  • Roommate: I'm a Trotskyist, you fool.
  • Me: Who cares! My dad's alive!
  • Roommate: I wasn't aware that your dad was dead?
  • Me: Neither was I. I thought he had just abandoned me and my mom all those years ago. I have quite a story about it. When I was about 14, my dad took me on a road trip to go to IHOP for a delicious breakfast. After we had finished, he got up to use the bathroom and never returned. He left me stranded in a strange IHOP two states over.
  • Roommate: You traveled two states away to go to an IHOP?
  • Me: I mean, it was a road trip.
  • Roommate: How do you know it's your dad?
  • Me: Check my phone, it says dad right there. Of course he's my dad.
  • Roommate: It could be anyone.
  • Me: There's no one else in my contacts with the name dad, other than my dad, ya goober. In fact, with every new phone I've gotten I always added his old phone number to the contacts in case of a moment just like this.
  • Roommate: Even still, don't you think it's suspicious that your father is contacting you via text nearly a decade after he abandoned you?
  • Me: No.
  • Roommate: Not even a bit?
  • Me: No. *buzz* Oh, he texted me again!
  • Dad: Hey, who's my favorite daughter?
  • Me: Me, of course! 😘
  • Dad: No.
  • Me: What?
  • Dad: You're my fifth favorite daughter.
  • Me: I don't understand.
  • Dad: I have six daughters and you're my fifth favorite one. The sixth one died in a scuba diving accident.
  • Me: So I'm your least favorite daughter?
  • Dad: No, don't think of it like that! You're not my least favorite daughter, you're just my least favorite LIVING daughter. 😉
  • Me: That doesn't make me feel better.
  • Dad: Ah, it doesn't matter. You remember me, your dad, the big wacky goofball! 😝
  • Me: I remember you trading my bicycle for coke.
  • Dad: It's a thing of the past, my daughter who I love the least. I don't want to worry about the past, let's meet up and discuss the future.
  • Me: OMG You want to meet up? Where?
  • Dad: IHOP, for old time's sake, but this time let's make it the one in town.
  • Me: *out loud* Oh my god, I'm meeting up with my dad!
  • Roommate: I'm right here, you don't have to yell.
  • Me: I'm so excited. I'm reconnecting with my father. Most girls can only dream of this moment.
  • Roommate: He honestly sounds like a terrible person.
  • Me: People change.
  • Roommate: Yeah, sometimes they become worse.
  • Me: You're just overly pessimistic because you're a goth and also a Trotskyist.
  • Roommate: Eh, I can't deny it.
  • *later at IHOP*
  • Me: *waiting at table* I can't wait to see my dad again. I wonder what he looks like. I bet he's a businessman now. Oh, or maybe he's a priest. *notices commotion at the front of the store* Hmm?
  • Waitress: Sir, please wait to be seated.
  • Disheveled Dude: I'm meeting up with someone, you flighty broad. There's not much time. Get out of my way.
  • Me: *internally* At least that guy isn't my dad.
  • Disheveled Dude: Oh, there she is. *runs and sits at my table* Oh my god, is that my little girl. You've grown up so much. You look way too much like your mom. It's bringing back some really bad memories. I'm sorta regretting. Just joking. Hahaha. WHERE THE FUCK IS OUR WAITRESS, I'M TRYING TO EAT HERE!?
  • Me: What a coincidence it is that the horrible man making a scene at the front of the restaurant is my dad...
  • Disheveled Dude: What's with the distant look on your face? You're acting like you saw a ghost. Haha, maybe you do think I'm a ghost. Hey, sorry about leaving you at the IHOP all those years ago. Kinda got bored of the whole dad thing. JESUS CHRIST, CAN YOU GUYS FUCKING HURRY UP AND GET US A WAITRESS. F-Fuck. *wipes sweat off forehead*
  • Me: Dad?
  • Disheveled Dude: WHAT!?
  • Me: *jumps in seat*
  • Disheveled Dude: Sorry, I've been really on edge recently. *nervously looks over shoulder* Where the fuck are these waitresses?
  • Me: Dad... *gets teary eyed*
  • Disheveled Dude: Oh god, are you gonna start crying on me.
  • Me: *sniffles* I'm sorry, I just missed you so much.
  • Disheveled Dude: Yeah, yeah, I missed you too. Time to move onto the next thing. Inheritance. Uh, I'm gonna die eventually, so you can have all of my money. *put suitcase stuffed with cash on the table and pushes it towards me* You can just have it now, for all I care. I mean, you never know when I'm gonna die.
  • Me: Dad, I don't want your money. I just want to spend time with you.
  • Disheveled Dude: Well, you can spend all the time in the world with me once you accept the fat wads of cash in this suitcase. I just need you to say verbally that you're accepting this money from me as a legitimate form of inheritance.
  • Me: Dad, please. I just want to talk to you.
  • Disheveled Dude: Come on and take the fucking cash, Elizabeth.
  • Me: My name's not Elizabeth.
  • Disheveled Dude: Okay, whatever. Take the money and clearly dictate that you are accepting the entirety of this money as a legitimate form of inheritance from your loving father. You can use it for college, you're college aged right. Or prenatal care. I don't fucking know. What shitty kid doesn't want FREE FUCKING MONEY!?
  • Me: *stands up from seat* Dad! You're the worst ever! I hate you! *runs out of IHOP sobbing*
  • Disheveled Dude: Fuck, I knew that wasn't going to work. *notices how dark it is outside* It's almost here. I wasted so much goddamn time. I'm never going to get rid of this thing. FUCK!
  • Waitress: *nervously* I can help you now, sir.
  • Disheveled Dude: Oh, so now you show up. I'm not so hungry now. In fact, I've lost my entire damn appetite.
  • Waitress: I'm sorry, sir. It's all my fault. I'm so sorry.
  • Disheveled Dude: Which one of those cars outside is yours?
  • Waitress: The red one.
  • Disheveled Dude: That broken down piece of shit?
  • Waitress: Yes.
  • Disheveled Dude: Guess, there's no other choice. It'll have to do. Give me your fucking keys.
  • Waitress: What?
  • Disheveled Dude: *points gun at waiter* GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING KEYS!
  • Waitress: *drops keys on the table*
  • Disheveled Dude: *tosses wads of cash at the waitress* That's easily $200,000. Go buy yourself a better car. You might want to make it quick. *runs out of IHOP*
  • Waitress: *watches disheveled dude speed off* Why is it so dark outside and where did everyone go? I guess it doesn't matter now, though. $200,000. That's a lot of money. I wonder what I'm gonna do with all this? I'm so excited that I'm lightheaded. The future is so bright now.
  • Wall of Darkness: *encroaches*

anonymous asked:

Possible imagine where the reader becomes the new owner of the camp after the Campbell debacle? They give it their all, heck they even built nice log cabins (plus the furniture) for the kids. Affectionately naming the camp "camp camp" bc they want this to be a place where no one feels limited to one thing. Idk I like the idea that it's a year round camp too, I just want some happiness yo.

I’ve been super looking forward to writing this one since I got it, I love this idea! Anyway, I took this as the reader having been a counselor, but David and Gwen don’t actually know that they are the one who took over the camp.

David and Gwen were currently driving to what was once Camp Campbell, nerves wracking their forms. They had both been shocked when they received an email in January inviting them to the grand re-opening of the camp and inviting them to return as staff.

After Campbell had been arrested, the kids had been sent home and the court repossessed the land. The pair had thought that would be the end of it. They kept in contact, as did some of the kids, but it seemed as if everyone had mutually accepted that things were done.

So, when David received the email stating that he could continue doing what he loved, he had immediately called Gwen, but couldn’t get a hold of Y/N They had made plans then for him to pick her up from the airport in June and they would drive out to finish setting up before the kids arrived.

They were both nervous, they had no idea who had taken over or what the camp was supposed to be for, the details had been a bit blurry up till that point. But, they had both agreed, if the camp was going to continue to exist, they wanted to be there for it.

“So,” David broke the silence for the first time since they had reunited at the airport, “this is all very exciting, isn’t it?”

Gwen scoffed at that, but couldn’t help but agree. “Well, I don’t know about exciting, but this job definitely beats flipping burgers… I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss it”

The two finally turned off, the camp entrance coming into view, surprising both of them.

Camp Camp

A Place for You to Be You

Gwen snorted out a laugh, a hand moving to cover her mouth to contain the sound. David seemingly in awe at the sign, still feeling a twinge of nostalgia as he realized that Camp Campbell really was gone for good.

They parked the car, getting out and deciding to leave their bags in the car for now.

“You ready for this?” Gwen asked, meeting David’s gaze and gesturing at the entrance. “I mean, we could both run away now. Kids aren’t supposed to start showing up for another day, I’m sure some staff could be roped up in that time.”

David couldn’t help but smile at the sarcasm lacing her tone, throwing an arm around her shoulder he spoke cheerily, “C’mon now, Gwen! That’s no attitude to have! We’re turning over a new leaf, now, let’s go meet our new advisor!”

______

The two had made it past the camp threshold and were instantly struck and impressed with the changes made. The old buildings still stood, but seemed to have been remodeled, and there were smaller cabins spaced out every now and again. To see all the work that had been done without their knowledge was astounding.

They got caught up in admiring the improvements when a voice caught their attention.

“Guys!” There, rushing towards them was Y/N, a smile that could make the blind see split across their face.

As they reached the pair, they threw their arms around the two of them.

“I’m so glad you guys came! I was starting to worry you wouldn’t show up!”

As they pulled back, David finally recovered from his surprise and spoke up, “Well, I tried calling you, but you didn’t answer! I had no idea you were coming back too!”

Gwen interrupted, “Yeah, how did you get here before us? Have you met the new guy yet?”

Y/N’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion for a moment as they took in the other’s words. Realization struck them suddenly that the two weren’t aware of the situation.

“Oh my goodness, you two had no way of knowing! I used a new email and everything.”

Before David and Gwen got a chance to question them, they had taken a few steps back and spread their arms wide.

“Welcome counselors, to Camp Camp! As of now, under new and improved management!” As they finished, Y/N jabbed a thumb towards themselves, a cocky smile on their features.

“What!?” David practically squawked, “You’re the advisor? Why didn’t you tell us?”

Y/N laughed, shaking their head and grabbing each of their hands. “I assumed you knew, I’ll explain everything, but for now we’ve got work to do!” With that, the trio was intent on setting up for the next day.

The official opening of Camp Camp.

_______

Y/N did finally explain the situation after briefing the two on the new and old campers that would be arriving tomorrow, planning on starting the day with splitting into groups for different tours and meeting back up at the mess hall in time to have a welcoming lunch cook out.

After Campbell had been taken into custody, Y/N had immediately taken the case to court, trying to convince them to allow the camp to continue running.

However, with no one to take over the camp or pay for the land, they had quickly been tossed out and told that they were wasting time.

Well, Y/N wasn’t one to back down from a challenge, and they would be damned if they were going to let something this important go to waste.

So, they pulled together research, any data they could find that showed that kids that had attended camp were more successful and had better social skills. With that, they made a case that if given the opportunity to allow children to exercise their hobbies and interests while surrounded by others different than themselves, the number of successful and accepting people would rise significantly.

Not only that, but they made an online petition that showed if the land was not used, that the plot of lake lilac would be used for zoning projects. Most likely a parking lot. Information by which Y/N had not disclosed how they had gotten ahold of.

However, with an airtight case like the improvement of children’s future against the public outcry of destroying natural resources, Y/N had been given a grant and a work time of five years.

If they could show solid grounds of progress after this time, they would be allowed to start paying rent every year to keep the camp running.

Y/N had already set out a plan, they were hoping by year three they could have the camp run year round. They wanted to get in contact with the state’s foster care agency and try and set up a way for some kids to be put in an environment that they didn’t have to feel so stressed in.

After they got rights to the land, they started a campaign for getting materials they could refurbish the camp with.

After a few months, they managed to rally a crew of teens looking for volunteer hours, and set to work.

It took another month to get all the cabins done, and then Y/N decided to reach out to their old counselor’s.

They hadn’t planned on reopening for another year, but with getting so much done so quickly, they didn’t want to waste any more time than needed.

Since they had started doing so much official business, they had changed their email and number that way they wouldn’t get personal stuff mixed with their current goals.

It had all worked out, they felt, as they watched David and Gwen set up the fire pit, a proud smile stretched across their lips.

“Well, boss” Gwen said, approaching them, “looks like everything is ready for the grand opening tomorrow .”

Y/N scoffed, shoving her. “Don’t call me that, I’m not your boss.”

David walked up to join the pair. “Well, I don’t know about that Y/N, you do kind of own the camp now, we work for you.”

They just laughed, shaking their head, “And I don’t want that to change the way things are run around here at all… Now, we might as well turn in. We’ve got a big day tomorrow.”

“All thanks to you,” David started, throwing his arms around the other, “I think Camp Camp is the new start we all need!”

Y/N giggled, hugging him back and glancing expectantly at Gwen, said girl grumbling and walking forward.

“Yeah, yeah. Okay, bring it in,” she said, wrapping her arms around the other two.

The trio was right back where they had all originally met, now more hopeful than ever for the summer’s campers. There wasn’t a doubt in their mind that things were going to go wrong.

anonymous asked:

I'm going to request DR1kids bc they need more love ♡ DR1 guys proposing to their s/o if you don't mind c:

Of course we don’t mind! This is so cute!

DR1 Boys Proposing to their S/O

Makoto Naegi

  • He would plan out the entire day
  • So that he would looks as smooth as possible
  • It’s such a big deal to him
  • He wants it to go perfectly
  • Breakfast in bed
  • Then a day out at the fair ground
  • And then a meal at your favourite restaurant
  • Where, as the bill arrives, there’s a little box on the tray
  • “Wait what’s this?” You ask
  • He just smiles and gets down on one knee
  • “Y/N, you mean the world to me, and I just want you to know that you always have and always will…”
  • Cue long speech about how in love with you he is
  • “…So I was wondering if you’d do me the honours of marrying me?”
  • He’s just kneeling down there ever-so expectantly
  • “Of course I will,”
  • He would put the ring on your finger at lightning speed
  • And the entire restaurant is applauding

Byakuya Togami

  • He wouldn’t glamorise it hugely
  • And he certainly wouldn’t let anyone else know he was going to propose
  • He’d take you out shopping one day for jewellery and make notes on which rings caught your eye
  • But he would wait a good long time after then before he asked the question
  • And he wouldn’t do it in the eye of the public either
  • He would try and play it down like it wasn’t a big deal
  • But one evening you’d come home to the lights low and candles at the table
  • “What’s going on Togami?”
  • “I have a proposition to make,”
  • Proposition - nice
  • You sit down at the table with him
  • He didn’t intend to get down on one knee
  • So instead he would smile at you and then push the little box onto the table
  • “I want you to marry me,”
  • You laugh at how collected the whole thing is
  • He puts the ring on your finger when you nod
  • “Where do I sign?”

Mondo Owada

  • Would deep down want to be traditional
  • He wants to show he’s a proper gent – to propose correctly
  • He knows how to treat a woman right
  • All his dirty thoughts of you are put to one side
  • Gets stressed about making sure it’s all okay before he proposes
  • Probably overthinks it a lot
  • He would take you to a remote romantic stop by the sea
  • And then lead you down to the shore under the moonlight
  • He’d kiss you sweetly telling you how much he loves you
  • “…So, will you marry me?”
  • Helookslikehe’sgoingtocryifyouturnhimdown
  • “Of course,”
  • Would definitely sweep you off your feet and kiss you over and over

Kiyotaka Ishimaru

  • Most
  • Stressed
  • Ever
  • This has to be absolutely perfect
  • There must be no chance of you turning him down
  • Not that you would anyway
  • He’s planning it months in advance
  • Not so much the events of the day but how to word it
  • Will you marry me? – Doesn’t tell you how much he loves you
  • I’ve been in love with you forever – Too much
  • And when it comes to it
  • “Will you do me the honours of marrying me?”
  • He still can’t believe he won over someone as good as you
  • And he’s getting emotional while on one knee
  • You can’t stop smiling and he can’t stop thinking how beautiful you look
  • “I’ve never wanted to be with someone so much in my life,”
  • “And neither have I… Yes, I’ll marry you,”
  • He literally thanks you twenty times for saying yes

Chihiro Fujisaki

  • He’s so sweet about it
  • He isn’t one for making a huge deal but he wants to make you feel special
  • So he pampers you all day
  • Wake up to a hot bath run for you
  • Rose petals are all around the house
  • He cooks every meal for you
  • Little things that he wouldn’t do all the time
  • And he doesn’t have a ring because he was too scared of getting one that you didn’t like
  • So in the evening when you’re cuddling he just kind of says
  • “I was hoping after today I could dare to ask for your hand in marriage?”
  • You just look at him and he’s blushing
  • You take his hand and squeeze it
  • “I wouldn’t like for anything more myself,”
  • The next day he takes you out shopping for the ring

Leon Kuwata

  • He wants to be smooth
  • So casual is his option
  • So he takes you to a baseball game
  • And you’re in the front rows watching him and his team play
  • The screens around the arena are doing the usual tours, focussing on couples to kiss, sending out adverts and messages
  • He’s had it all arranged before you go
  • He scores a home run, and gets around the bases
  • And then he finds you in the crowd
  • And points to the screen
  • You look up and see the message
  • “Will you marry me?”
  • He’s running to the stands and the crowds are gasping as the cameras focus on you
  • Ffs what if you’re camera shy
  • He’s in front of you like an expectant puppy, grinning from ear to ear with his arms outstretched
  • You nod vigorously before running to him and embracing him for everyone to see

Hifumi Yamada

  • He’s only ever read about this sort of thing
  • So he goes to his online forums
  • Gets reference from the 2D world
  • Watches many playthroughs on dating sims
  • He’s pretty confident now
  • So he finds you the next day and takes you to one side
  • He’s on one knee
  • You’re smiling as you think you know where this is going
  • “Aww Hifumi…”
  • He pulls his phone out of his pocket
  • With a 2D ring on the screen
  • “Please, as the only 3D person I’ve ever desired, would you become my wife,”
  • You laugh and accept, taking his phone off him and kissing the screen
  • He’s the one blushing now

Yasuhiro Hagakure

  • Okay this is messy
  • He wants to be organised and plan it all out
  • He wants to display just how much he loves you
  • So he takes you to the park by the river
  • And rents out a boat for the two of you
  • As he rowed he told you your fortune for the month
  • “Love displays itself in different forms,”
  • You raise an eyebrow at him
  • “Take a look for yourself,”
  • He nods to the crystal ball in his bag
  • You pick it up but from the water the glass is now wet
  • Inside you see a ring
  • But then it slips in your hands
  • MAN OVERBOARD
  • For once it’s the ring that he values not the crystal ball
  • Through the splashes he’s screaming
  • “WILLYOUMARRYME Y/N,”
  • “YES OF COURSE GET BACK ON BOARD YOU IDIOT,”
  • “DON’T CALL ME AN IDIOT,”
  • “I WILL BECAUSE YOU’RE MY IDIOT,”

vocaloiderutauer  asked:

Hm... I'm enthralled now. How did you come to do voice acting? Was it a sort of, spur of the moment? Or was it more so like a passion you wanted to pursue after highschool/college? I've also begun to wonder. What do you specifically do to change the timbre of your voice? I assume its different for every voice actor out there and, given your experience, you've most likely developed a method no? Lastly, how do you land jobs? Do you need a specific talent or is it more so fitting the voice color?

January 2007 

I discover that voice acting is a thing. My time spent on Neopets noticeably dwindles for the moment.

(Also none of these are specific moments that I think made or broke my career, I am just offering all relevant moments in time)

Feb/Mar 2007 

A man by the name of Deven “Mac” notices my frequent postings on Newgrounds - my fervent spamming, more like - and informs me about Voice Acting Club. Kira Buckland, 10 years younger, is finishing up school soon and has begun plans for moving out of Alaska to pursue life in Cali

March 2007 - 2008

Amateur Voice Acting AHOY! I audition for a shitload of projects, mostly fandubs. Mostly Newgrounds. my voice is terrible but my enthusiasm and energy is unyielding. Mac helps me with basic tenets of voiceover techniques and I also exhibit some pretty shitty behaviors (delaying submitting lines for weeks because I’m nervous about ‘doing them wrong’).

September 2008 

I get accepted into Western Michigan on a scholarship. I decide to major in Film/Video/Media studies because it’s ‘the most similar to what I want to do’ (Voiceover) and decide to put more personal interests in as minors (Journalism, Japanese, Psychology).

The actual curriculum itself did jack shit for my career but it’s what I did during my time there that matters more.

2008-2012

Four years of college. I make friends within my interest groups but nearly all of my time is spent either in class or in my dorm room on my PC. OMGPOP is king of my time until Maplestory releases the Evan class.

More importantly, it was also the formative years of my freelance career.

I sign up for Voice123 membership. It goes horribly. Low ratings nearly all the time. I take on an audiobook job and deliver over-estimate by 7 goddamn months. Client is PISSED.

A site called VoiceBunny also crops up; more suited for quick one-off jobs that don’t need 'the perfect voice’, just a suitable one. Extremely reliant on being at your computer at a moment’s notice.

I have no social life.

This meshes well.

Within college, I am constantly involved in things related to acting/voiceover.

- On-campus Sexual Health Peer Education group (skits and lectures) all 4 years of attendance. This also gave me opportunities to record voiceover for segments needing 'voice of god’
- local radioplay group All Ears Theater (2 productions every 2-3 months, included a formal audition process and live performances in front of audiences for later broadcast via radio/web)
- Audio Production class (as part of my Major) quick-learns me basic editing techniques, directly translates to my ability to do quickfire editing and turnaround now as a freelancer.
- Continuing to do auditions for stuff for Voice Acting club. This is probably the most similar to many ‘Tumblr phase’ performers on here.

Over time, constant exposure + guidance from peers/my mentor helps me to hone my skills. I still tend to 'loud-act’ things, IE using an unnecessarily loud/forceful voice for simple business narration,but I’m beginning to understand the intricacies of different styles (Commercial vs. Promo vs. character, etc)

January 2009

During winter break, on a ski trip with family, I learn about Anime Expo’s AX Idol competition. I tell my dad the one thing I want for my birthday present is funding to help go to this convention and compete. He obliges.

Summer 2009

I go to Anime Expo and compete in AX Idol for voiceover.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUQpkyfVYog

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-PwvyeM1jw

Things go well.

Fall 2009 - sometime 2011

Things DO NOT GO WELL. My victory at AX causes me to feel like I know what I am doing, leads to an almost 2 year stint of godawful delivery choices as I 'phone in’ performances like they’re just going to be good on foundation. My mentor is frustrated with me and at least one peer of mine actively thinks I don’t deserve the kinds of opportunities I’ve had over how hard he himself has worked.

2012

I graduate from college, determine that the only way I’m going to make progress is by forcing myself into the community where the industry exists. If I’m going to get workshops and studio auditions and actual non-online work, I need to be where the work is.


Summer 2012, 2 months after graduation

I move from Michigan to California

I have enough savings to cover about a year of rent if everything goes horribly horribly wrong (including losing every single freelance client I’d slowly built relationships with during college), but it’s obvious I need to find work to continue to stay out here.

I take a Graveyard shift job at Stanley security. It sucks my fucking soul out.

Meanwhile by day, I am still doing my freelance thing. I let BangZoom know I am now local. I work with my mentor on piecing together a demo both from good bits I’d done before and fresh content written for the demo, something I can show off to clients that is good enough to be worth listening to but that I can admit “I am new to the area and aiming to get my foot in the door for more professional work so that I can update my portfolio accordingly”

2012-2014

The Workshop Grind

Workshops with BangZoom, with Crispin Freeman, with VoiceTrax West, etc.

Through character archetype classes, I begin to understand where my inherent strengths lie (I already had an idea from my freelance side, but now I was able to confirm those strengths by having actual professionals go “You made great choices”)

BangZoom, meanwhile, SLOWLY works me up the chain of trust. I get called in for unpaid walla sessions just to see if I can meet appointments on time and follow directions.

Then unnamed 1-time characters in a crowd.

Then unnamed characters you can hear.

Then a recurring unnamed character.

Then at some point I get audition sides for something called Sword Art Online, for Kirito and Diabel. I initially only plan on auditioning for Kirito (dem Protagonist dweams) but have a last-minute Skype Workshop with Crispin about my auditions and get feedback from him.

He recommends I still try out for Diabel because it plays into my strengths and “why the hell not?”

I do.

2013-2014

Pretty much my ONLY studio work is coming from BangZoom, and it’s not frequent. I quit my job at Stanley only because I had some extra savings now and wanted to force myself to 'git gud’ instead of letting a safety net of money keep me from pursuing more.

But slowly, SLOWLY, through BangZoom auditions and the occasional booking, web strings begin to attach.

Out of personal interest, I do a brief stint as a QA tester for NIS America. This also happens around the time BangZoom is casting for DanganRonpa and Fairy Fencer F. My employment didn’t affect my audition chances, but it did solidify NISA’s knowledge of me as a voiceover artist.

I do some work for Ys: Memories of Celceta for a company called XSEED. Nothing comes of it until almost 3 years later, when a new localization lead named Brittany recalls my performance from Ys and says “I think he could be a really good fit for this dude named Rean Schwarzer”.

I land work on Killer Instinct through BangZoom. The director of that LOVES my performance, proceeds to slowly bring me back now and again for recurring roles on stuff like Gundam IBO and other projects.

Back to XSEED.

I land my lead role in Trails of Cold Steel. Recording is at PCB Productions, who now knows I exist.

Everyone has a good time, I send my samples/demos to PCB (now updated further), they begin sending me THEIR audition sides as well.

At one point, a director for PCB I know well is collaborating with a studio called Cup of Tea on Akiba’s Beat. Kira has been working with Cup of Tea for YEARS but I had never had an opportunity to get in touch with them before now.

Director puts me in touch with Cup of Tea, who now knows I exist. Session goes decently, I tell them I am very interested in pursuing future work/auditions and would like to share my demos with them. They accept.
For sake of time I will leave that thread where it is because I imagine you can understand what the underlying theme is.

Just a sporadic but progressive timeline of preparedness + Opportunity allowing me to expand my options.

Back to Workshop Side:

I continue actively pursuing workshops for other companies, especially VoiceTrax west. I sign up for “meet the pros” evenigns where I have a chance to perform + get feedback.

The workshop actively disclaimers that there is no expectation of getting work + it is intended to be a learning experience, but I go in with the mindset of “I’m going to leave them WANTING to work with me”.

With a much more thorough understanding of my strengths by now, I tend to do a formula of picking 1-2 characters I know I can do well, and one that is within my range but is relatively challenging. Worst case scenario I still leave a good impression, best case I completely surprise myself (and the host) and leave a lasting one.

This works out well. Said method greatly interests a representative from Mattel and one from Disney Parks (not the animation side, just the theme park side). I thank them for their time, ask if I can share demos with them/get their contact email, contact them and express interest in receiving audition opportunities.

Through one of these same workshops, I also meet my future agency, SBV Talent’s lead person Mary Ellen Lord. I do the same thing. Mary proceeds to circumvent SBV’s entire policy of “Referrals Only” representation to ask me to come to their offices to record an official application demo.
Note that none of these workshop outcomes, or the workshops themselves, were things pointed to me by studios I was working for. This section was all self-driven/pursued (and also required me to be local).

Since then, I’ve been continuing the routine of doing freelance work from home, sending out auditions for studio-hosted projects when the sides are provided to me, and generally working with my mentor when I have questions about approaching a certain character. Either because of personal growth or recent portfolio additions (or both), my success rate with booking new roles has kind of shot up; I’m hoping this trend continues for the foreseeable future.

anonymous asked:

hey, wanna give me a mini primer on jo/nate? because i see you post a lot about it and i wanna know more!

Ohhhh man anon okay buckle in. A primer on the history of Jonathan Drouin and Nathan Mackinnon, ex-teammates, best friends, and soulmates.

Keep reading

Wow! Never in a million years did I ever think that I would reach 500 followers like I have now! I would never have believed you if you told me that my blog would have been as supported as it is now, and I am more than honoured to be the one who is running it!

I am bad at expressing myself, so I may sound repetitive throughout this, but either way I am honestly super happy about this, thank you so much to all of you – new and old followers alike. Without you guys I wouldn’t even be in this wonderful fandom, not meeting some of the most amazing people I have ever met, and not writing this beautiful macho man. I cannot express enough gratitude towards you all and your kindness!


Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I'm a lesser-known game dev in this community and, while I'm really glad that art theft isn't tolerated here, I'm also scared of accidentally using something and then getting a lot of hate before I can apologize. I know that's not what's happened here, and you're very reasonable, but could I have some reassurance about how these things are usually dealt with? I'm fairly new here and this is a bit scary

Of course!  There’s two ways to deal with accidental art theft: prevention & correction.

Prevention

The best way to avoid dealing with accidental art theft is by slimming down the chances of art theft happening in the first place.

  • Use resources from their source.  Download something that’s from the creator’s home page or art page, or a post they artist themselves made online rather than from a blog that just uploads things together.  Graphics packs made by a bunch of contributing artist are fine, but graphics packs complied by others are more likely to contain something that might not actually be free to use.
  • If you find something you’d like to use in a compilation, reverse google image search that shit just in case.  That way, you can find the proper artist and give them credit if they ask, or avoid using it if it’s only usable on DA or Gaia.
  • Even if credit is not required, give credit in a separate text file of your game with a link back to the site or post you got it from.  This makes it easier for you to give proof you didn’t steal something since you can just link back to them that way.
  • If you can’t find the original owner, don’t use it.  If you’re having a hard time finding the owner, I’d make a post here or on a forum asking others “Hey, you know the source for this?  I’d like to use it in my game, but I can’t find the original creator for it.”   If you can’t find them, it’s better to not use it just in case.

Correction

The next best way is to make sure 

If you use something in your game that turns out to be stolen

  • Speak politely and deal with everyone in a calm manner.  If someone leaves a message or makes a callout post that’s like “Do NOT support this creator, they have stolen assets from this and that!”, stay calm and provide your sources, along with an apology.  State that you didn’t know at the time since you got it from this source, and you thought they were the original owner (thus why you got that list of sources mention in the prevention part earlier!).  
  • If someone is basically doing roid rage at you, like “I can’t fucking believe you stole this.  Do you know how hard artist work on their stuff? I hope your fucking account gets deleted off the internet and you break your arm you fucking bitch.”  Stay calm.  Realize the other person is either heartbroken by mistake and that you’re not at fault, or that they’re on a crusade and you don’t need to deal with them.  You can either answer them calmly, or delete their ask from your askbox.  You can ignore them on a post too if you really can’t deal with them.  All you can do is provide a source and then run back and change it up. 
  • If you’re a nervous nelly and can’t deal with attacks like that, or you’re a very passionate person who can get super angry when someone accuses you of something, step back from the computer and take time to come up with your response back.  If you still can’t deal with it, show it to a friend so they can advise you on how to answer, or let them answer for you (a calm friend if you have one).  That’s what I do sometimes - I hate letting my emotions get away from me and accidentally hurting others or myself if I reply like that.
  • Don’t beg for forgiveness or drown in your own pity.  I.e. “I’m so sorry i never meant to do this oh my god i’m so sorry this is the worst thing that could happen I’m so fucking sorry i just wanted to make everyone happy i’m a fucking failure and a terrible human being”.  A) No you’re not, you just made a mistake.  Don’t be too hard on yourself.  B) It’s not needed.  Just apologize and fix it.
  • Don’t rant and rave.  “I can’t fucking believe this fucking happened this piece of shit art site I can’t trust anyone any more.  I hope they break their arm, they don’t deserve to be a part of this fucking community.”  That just makes you look bad :c 
  • Whatever you do, contact the original author of the resource(s), apologize and show them where you got it (whether it’s a forum post or site), and ask for permission to use it in your game.  If they say no, all you have to do is change it.  That’s all you can do.
  • If you can, report the thief after you show the original owner.  If you can’t find the original owner, report them as soon as you find them.
  • If someone still accuses you of theft even after the fact, stand your ground.  If not, just delete the ask or ignore them.  You don’t need to be around people who won’t accept the truth. 
  • Stay calm.  It’s an accident, and all you can do is fix it!

I hope you never have to go through this my anonymous friend, but if you do, I hope this helps.  In the meantime, I hope it puts you at ease. c:

designoza  asked:

hello, i'm currently a junior in high school and planning on majoring towards visual communication/graphic design. However, i'm having troubles in assembling my portfolio. Do you have tips on that and on how to (hopefully) get a scholarship within the major as well?

hello bub!! (✿◠‿◠) OMG we’re legit the same im also a junior who wants viscom :-( so I dont have real experience but I did put up my public portfolio last summer (http://nsduldulao.portfoliobox.net/) sOOO  here are some tips I could offer atm! I will add when I learn more from my cousin who’s going to major in graphic design as well! (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧

TIPS FOR AN ART PORTFOLIO

  • Be DIVERSE as possible! I read somewhere online that having a diverse portfolio gives u more chances of getting in which makes sense bc you need a wide set of skills to be able to catch up (& slay) ur art classes!!! so even tho we applying for graphic design course we should add traditional art projects we’ve done ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ (hopefully i can add to mine soon!)
  • Ok on the diversity note, add observational drawings aka realistic drawings: this is a winwin not only do you get to practice your hand at realistic drawing (which i hate tbh) you can add these to your portfolio! (make sure not to forget the shadows and just make it as realistic as possible!) (*´д`*)
  • Look at different art portfolios: to know how you wants yours to look like + u can set a standard for yours: count the number of traditional art pieces they added, did they add process shots? (highly recommended btw),& more!! ∩(︶▽︶)∩
  • Art for different purposes: this is a Nic tip so idk if this is?? 100% good but in different art projects through highschool, I’ve always found myself looking for inspiration & eVEN learning a new set of skills the simple play project 2 years ago got me into set design which is my current position in my club (from a layout head see the diversity!!) so add your school posters, graphics, set designs you’ve designed, a magazine layout from your projects! going through your school work is a good way to start (especially if you always take on the artsy role in projects which leads me to my next tip)
  • (☞゚∀゚)☞ BE AS ARTSY AS POSSIBLE: I had my career talk already and my counselor said my school history (clubs, positions) look straightforward so its easy to know my strengths (tbh im kinda upset abt this bc its all art realted it’d be good to see smth else BUT its a strength bc I rly want art anyway so!!) it would make sense to accept you since you’re really dedicated & started at a young age and through out highschool! Try your best to aim for the high positions as well


then for the scholarship: I’m not sure since it really depends on the school you’re applying for! so please ask your counselor bc I cant rly help :–((( IM SORRY (つд`)


I hope this was some srt of helpful GOOD LUCK BUB HAVE A NICE DAY! ლ(╹◡╹ლ)

An High School Abusive Boyfriend #1

Summary: The RFA+V+Saeran are in high school and they have a crush on MC, however, she has a ‘perfect’ boyfriend, only one day they find out the abuse behind it all.

This contains; Physical Abuse, drug use, emotional abuse, manipulation, broken RFA hearts, a lot of hugging, crying, cussing, and angst.

POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING

Zen


Zen was no doubt the popular one, everyone knew him. Everyone seemed to want to date him. Well, almost everyone did at least.

The one Zen was in love with, MC, was already taken. She was in a perfect relationship with some… guy. God, it pained Zen to see them together. He was selfish when it came to her. He wanted her smile, her laugh, just her all to himself. But, he couldn’t have any of that, she gave it all to him, Jin Soo.
Being the actor Zen was, he buried all of his feelings he was. He played the role of the supportive guy friend for MC. He acted out all of his support for MC’s relationship. He acted that his feelings weren’t there. Maybe, if he acted it out long enough, it would come true. If he just lied to himself, he would start believing it. Right?

Wrong.

He couldn’t ever get over MC. It was like a curse. Every time he thought he was finally getting over her, she would smile at him or laugh and he would be in love all over again. It was so painful to his heart to be so in love with her, only for her to be in love with Jin Soo. He even tried dating other people, only for him to break up with them. Fuck, was he turning into a masochist?

Dropping his script on his bed, Zen rubbed his eyes. He couldn’t focus on his script.

“Shit…” Zen muttered, running his hand through is bangs. Zen starts looking around his room, from his ceiling to his bed to the clock.

9:32 pm… 

Stretching, Zen sighed. He should go on a walk to take his mind off of things. Grabbing his jacket and putting it on, Zen headed for the door.

/

It was quite chilly outside. Zen could feel his nose freezing from the cold, to attempt to keep in warm, Zen snuggled the half of his face into his jacket. Shoving his hands into his pockets, Zen continued his walk.

After a while of almost pure silence, Zen heard a faint noise. Was someone…crying?

Looking around, Zen’s eyes quickly landed on..her, MC. She was just… sitting there on the edge of the sidewalk. Holding her legs to herself with her face buried in her legs. Something was wrong.

Quickly, Zen walked up to her. Looming over her, hearing her sobs just broke his heart.

“Hey,” he said, scaring her. She quickly looked up at him, with fear written all over her face. Her cheeks were soaked from the tears and her eyes red from crying so hard. But what got Zen’s attention the most was the hand print on her cheek. Oh, fuck no. MC quickly stood up and covered the mark, looking at her feet. 

“H-hello Zen… I-I need to g-go” she manages to stutter out, attempting to turn around and leave, only for Zen to grab her arm.

“No, you’re not going anywhere until you tell me what happened.” Zen proclaimed, showing his stubborn side.

“I…”

“Yes, jagi?”

MC slowly turns around to face Zen, only for her to start crying again. Zen springs into action, he pulls her into a hug and in an attempt in calm her down, he rocks her back and forth.

“Shhh… It’s ok… I’m here now… I’m here for you..”

MC pulls back to look Zen in the eyes and roughly rubs her eyes, then she takes a deep breath.

“Jin Soo… hit me.“ 

Zen felt his heart stop.

"I caught h-him doing drugs a-and I tried stopping him…”

“And?”

“He s-started yelling at me, saying it was my fault that he w-was like this an-and… he hit me…” MC takes a shaky breath and very quietly mumbles “..again.”

“Again? You mean this isn’t the first time?" 

MC looked down at her feet and slowly nodded. Zen felt his blood boil. Zen stared at MC for a moment, then he nodded. Zen needed to bash his face in.
"Where is he?”

MC looked back up, looking confused for a second only to come to the realization on Zen’s intentions.

“…I won’t tell you”

Zen sighs, rubbing his face, he starts walking away.

“I know where he lives anyways. Since I dropped you off there before.”

Shit. MC starts panicking, quickly she ran in front of Zen and grabbed onto his arm.

“Zen! Please don’t! It’s not his fault!”

Zen stops dead in his tracks. Not his fault? Who’s was it then? Zen looks down at her, she looked so weak, he felt his heart break into two. He couldn’t leave her like this. Zen pulls her into a hug.

“…It’s not your fault MC.”

MC slowly wraps her arms around Zen, feeling the tears following again, but this time she is with Zen. The thoughts of what happened to MC truly shattered his heart, he felt his own eyes produce tears. 

The two just stood there, in each other arms, in tears. Enjoying each others warmth. Breathing in each others warmth, feeling the hair of the other on their faces. 

/

After what seemed like hours, they pull apart. Sniffling, MC smiles weakly at Zen as she rubs her eyes.

“I’ll go home now…” she mutters.

“I’ll walk you home.”

“Ah, no no. It’s ok, I already caused you enough problems tonight.”

“Jagiya, it okay. I’ll feel better to know that you got home safe.”

Offering a warm smile, Zen took off his coat and slid it on MC. She looked up at him, giving a confused face. “Don’t want you getting a cold now.” Zen smiled once more before following MC home.

“Well, here it is,” MC muttered as she stopped walking by a small house. She started taking off his jacket. “Thank you for.. everything you did tonight. Thank you.” MC gave a stronger smile than before and handed Zen his jacket.

“Ah, your welcome. Though, it really wasn’t anything much.”

“Well, good-bye Zen” MC started walking towards the front door and walking away from him.

What the fuck was going on? This is the time to say something, the time to confess. Just say it. Say those three damn words. 

“Um, MC?”

Turning around, MC looked Zen straight in the eyes. “Yes?”

I love you.

“Have a good night.” Zen was truly a masochist.


Author’s Note; This was my first fanfic that I am ever putting online, so I apologize if there are any errors in my writing. I’ll accept any constructive criticism. 

Tagging @serensama for inspiring me to write this, also because she wanted to be tagged.

I’ll write and post the others later since this will be a series. If anyone wants, I’ll write a happy ending for any of them since I already have ideas.

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed!

anonymous asked:

I'm depressed. I also suspect anxiety and insomnia. But I always put mask of happiness in from of my family and friends. Do you have any advice for me? How can I say that I think I have problems?

First off, please accept my sincere admiration and congratulations on taking a tough, but super necessary step. It’s so hard to take off the mask. Every time. But we have to, because we need the people we love to be with us. They want to be with us.

Let’s see … so I’d suggest this action plan:

1. Before you even begin, think of someone you really care about — a friend, sister, whomever — and imagine that you thought everything was OK because they were working so hard to make you feel that way, but were hurting terribly inside. Wouldn’t you want to know? That’s how your people feel, too.

2. Decide what you want to share and how you want to share it. Think of what you need, whether that’s just general support, help finding care, etc. Jot down some notes of important things you don’t want to forget to say.

3. Write a letter, or type one and print it out, because you should give this to them in person. Maybe include some stuff you’ve found in your research (this is a great place to start). It doesn’t have to be fancy or long, but do remember to say what you need:

Dear Mom,

There’s something I’ve wanted to talk to you about for a long time, but was too scared to bring up. I think I may have depression; I’ve been doing research online and have a lot of the symptoms.

I know this may come as a surprise because I’ve tried really hard to conceal this and put on a happy face. But the truth is that I’m hurting and I need help. Specifically, I was hoping you could help me find a therapist.

I wrote this letter because it’s hard for me to talk about. I know you probably have a lot of questions and I want to answer them as well as I can, but please know that sometimes it may be really hard for me and I won’t feel like talking about it. Maybe one solution would be for you to write me a letter back?

Love,
You

4. Then, wait for a good time, go to the person and say, “I wrote you a letter about something I’ve wanted to share for a long time. It may really surprise you, and I’d like to talk to you about it eventually, but maybe after you read it tonight you can just give me a hug and we can chill and watch TV.”

5. If you have a group of friends and you’d like them to know but don’t have the energy to tell the whole story again and again, pick a friend that you trust, that doesn’t exaggerate. Ask them to tell the group, specify who is in the group and specify what you want them to say. For instance!

“Thea, I told you a few days ago that I’m struggling with depression and trying to get better. You’ve been an amazing support, and I love you. To be honest, telling people the whole story again and again is pretty exhausting, but can you please tell Elizabeth, Kim, Cat and Brooke that I’ve been depressed, I’m getting help now, I don’t always want to talk about the specifics but getting sweet texts or just low-key hangouts are the best way they can support me in this.”

fab912  asked:

*slides in* Yoooooo, I'm new to sending these kinda asks and you're a fairly new blog. This will go great lolololol SO! How about the RFA meeting MC prior to the whole game incident and growing to have a crush on em? (Maybe their first attempt to ask them out in this scenario? I dunno up to ya) 💚

my deAR friend i’m sure this will work out great ;) and what an interesting request! tbqh thathas been an hc of mine for quite some time! what if mc met rfa before all that fiasco?? this will be fun to write! fingers crossed so i won’t disappoint you!! ps! i am so sorry completing this took me long! Dx


Jaehee 

  • jaehee didn’t know when exactly it started happening
  • but she was in too deep by the time she realized she was falling for mc
  • because! mc was just! so smart! and that was a trait this girl found so! pleasing!!
  • it wasn’t even that they got perfect scores every time
  • because mc didn’t
  • but their ideas and perception of each concept was so intriguing jaehee honestly felt offended when the teachers ignored them or tried to put them down
  • because ?? no?? if it’s not in the book, doesn’t mean mc’s point of view is wrong? it’s just new! and so fresh!
  • she lowkey worries for mc because their originality is great and all but they should focus on scoring higher grades so they can get a job they actually deserve??
  • their out of the box thinking and perceptive skills will go to waste if they can’t get into a nice college
  • gets blushy around mc a lot
  • they don’t  talk much but when they do, they have long and deep conversations
  • mc is so understanding too! sometimes jaehee is embarrassed that they bring out such a different side to her. that they manage to bring out her real feelings from behind her mask so easily
  • offers to tutor mc in whatever subject they need when final year exams are nearing
  • doesn’t listen to the voice inside her head telling her she’s mostly being selfish by doing this

Yoosung 

  • ahhh! this boy! cannot handle!
  • he was so awed by that person! they made everything the did seem cool!
  • rika told him they had joined only a few months before him 
  • rika was helpful but mc helped everyone! even the people volunteering
  • which meant, embarrassingly, yoosung got to have his first actual conversation when he needed help calming a box full of puppies and mc came over
  • he realized he was crushing on mc ten times harder now because ! they were so gentle?!
  • he was always gentle with kids and animals, and rika had told him he was a natural
  • but if he was a natural then mc was so much more?
  • the first thing he said was ‘are you an animal whisperer?’ and promptly felt embarrassed
  • but mc just laughed
  • they said they’d teach him too
  • he had so much fun planning educational games for orphans with mc!
  • they were so creative and neat in their work but at the same time alway taking suggestions to heart and always asking for his opinions to keep him involved
  • boy wanted to confess sooo many times! but he never did! always chickening out
  • he hoped mc got at least a little bit of hint every time he lovingly baked them cookies or cupcakes?

Zen 

  • zen was so impressed when a rebellious kid joined their gang
  • turned out mc had actually been in the gang before him
  • they had only been on ‘leave’ for finishing their last year of high school
  • zen was so drawn in because??
  • all the other members respected mc so much??
  • not that he thought it was problematic or weird
  • it was actually really nice
  • actually noticed he was crushing so hard on mc when they taught him a very cool moves
  • was shook and awed when he found out mc created those moves??
  • felt he could relate to mc’s shitty family situation- which happened to be the main topic they bonded over
  • felt even more motivated to become an actor after the endless discussions on past and future and plans with mc
  • especially because they were adamant he should follow his original dreams ‘even more so because it will be big fuck you to your family!’ they ended with a decisive nod
  • honestly felt he could kiss mc right then
  • totally refrained but always said the most romantic lines he could remember from the plays he read
  • loved how mc and the others used to bring him plays because they knew of his original dream
  • so totally wanted to marry mc but was satisfied watching them from afar for now
  • he felt mc was so much more than he was at the moment 

Jumin 

  • it was one of the times jumin escaped his security guards and went shopping by himself
  • it irked him how journalists kept ‘discreetly’ taking pictures but he couldn’t blame them entirely
  • he had left the security behind after all
  • cut his trip, which had been meant to be leisurely, short and hurried to the pet accessories shop he had seen online
  •  he had specifically planned the whole thing so he could go there during the busiest hours of day- meaning no crazy rich ladies to hog him there
  • cause they would be working or at saloons or planning kitty parties
  • is pleasantly surprised when the sales person just greeted him when he entered and went back to reading their book
  • no following him around too closely, no annoying chatter, no attempts at flirting, no buttering him up because he was jumin han and he was visiting their shop
  • surprisingly enough he found himself trying to make conversation
  • when they left their perch at the counter to come show him towards the latest collar collection, he noticed their name tag and found it to be a perfect fit to the owner
  • mc was not unpleasant to him in anyway, while at the same time they weren’t trying to leech him off. it was so refreshinG!
  • boy actually found himself coming every week at the same time, same day to catch mc
  • their behavior didn’t change towards him accept when he mentioned offhandedly that he liked buying things for his cat
  • they got so excited and asked if he could show pictures
  • he was so shook when he realized he was crushing on mc??
  • he wondered if it was because they adored cats so much or because they had nice eyes or because they dressed well?
  • after weeks of not seeing them and feeling so anxious and worried, he actually asked them out the first day he saw them
  • it was shocking to them both
  • mc laughed and told him they had been sick and then caught up with some exams, as a way of telling him why they hadn’t been to the shop, before saying that yes. they should go watch a movie together sometime

Seven 

  • seven was ! so! stressed!!!
  • he saw a figure already at his usual spot
  • they weren’t at his spot. but they were still pretty close by
  • this way neither of them could actually relax, he knew
  • because why else would the person be there?
  • he made his way over anyway, and sure enough, about 2 feet away, and the person actually noticed him because they whipped their head around in his direction
  • he waved awkwardly at them
  • the third time this happened, he actually walked over to the person and tried to make small talk
  • mc was actually a good listener, so he found it easier to talk to them while staring at the stars
  • he liked that they didn’t pry too much or ask questions he might get in trouble if asked
  • he asked mc one day why they never asked questions? because he was so sure they must be dying to know some things at least. 
  • they told him that he never pressured too much when they didn’t wanna talk or tell him about something and they just wanted to return the favor. that they didn’t want to stress him anymore that he was by asking questions he ‘probably wouldn’t wanna answer’
  • was so relieved he thought he could cry
  • decided to never pressure mc into talking, not at all, not even as a joke
  • realized he was crushing on mc hard by the time 3 months were over
  • ended up running from his feelings before finally actually admitting to himself
  • but decided to resolutely noT do anything, for their own safety if anything

  • this was obviously before he met rika
  • he had been on a trip to the country side  to take pictures
  • it was a beautiful sunrise and looking through his lens at the scene, he had to take a double take because he thought he saw an angel or some other mystical creature?!
  • snapped away so many pictures within moments before he dared to pull the camera away
  • and no, it wasn’t an angel
  • it was a person who had conveniently been present at the scene he had wanted to capture
  • caught up to them because he felt he needed to thank them 
  • obviously mc had no idea what that sweet looking man was thanking them for
  • v asked them to have breakfast at the inn together because it was so! important!
  • now mc was a bit worried but they agreed 
  • excitedly showed them the pictures from that morning while they wait for their food and mc is shook?? are you a photographer??? these are so good!!
  • v can not contain his smile and is all dimples because the compliment is so honest and genuine. but he needs to tell them!
  • says that he is a photographer, but mentions he is nothing big yet. also says that mc had been what made the pictures so magical
  • mc is flattered but tells him to believe in himself more and to give himself the credit he deserved because his work was stunning
  • v realizes that day that it is possible to fall in love with your own art work. definitely!
  • because mc wasn’t even his art work and he was falling for them so hard by the end of the day?
  • is so satisfied that he got mc’s contact information because he had to send them the pictures
  • is totally going to ask them out sometime!

anonymous asked:

Hiya! I absolutely love your blog, your headcannons are some of the best I've ever seen! If you don't mind do you think you could do some headcannons for the face fam where their s/o has a chronic illness? I haven't seen any of those and having a chronic illness myself I'm quite curious, I understand if you don't though! Have a great day!

((omg im blushing you’re too kind~ and yesss i think i can whip something up for ya))

2p!France/Francois Bonnefoy:
- He’ll find out about your chronic illness when he notices you paying a visit to the doctor.
- He acts like he doesn’t care
- but he does.
- Will ask you about it.
- The next time you see him, he’ll be a little more knowledgeable about your condition (because he “stumbled across” a certain book and he was “curious.”).
- Honestly, his attitude wouldn’t change. He’d be more conscious of what you’re going through, but he would carry on the same (however, he will get upset if you hurt yourself).
- But if it’s fatal, oh boy.
- Ready to pay for any treatment you need (don’t try to say no because he’ll do it anyway).
- As the illness gets worse, he gets angrier (at you, at doctors, at everyone, even himself).
- At some point, he will realise how terrified he is of losing you, and he’ll break down.
- Later on, he won’t even leave your side. Doesn’t matter where you go or who comes to see you, he’ll be around. 

2p!America/Allen F. Jones:
- It’s gonna take a while before he pieces the facts together and discovers you have a chronic illness.
- He gets angry, but he doesn’t have a valid reason so he gets angrier.
- Will try to change your diet or look up some really weird remedies online (Al stop).
- Eventually he’ll come to terms with your condition, but he’ll always be protective.
- If your illness is fatal, he won’t accept it.
- He’s gonna fight tooth and nail to help you get better, which doesn’t always end well because he keeps terrifying your doctors and getting kicked out of the hospital.
- He’ll cover your hospital bills (in the meantime you’ll notice a spike in robberies but he says it’s just a coincidence)
- In the early stages of your descent, if Al is hit with the realisation that there really is no cure, he will kidnap you from the hospital.
- Because it was so sudden, he wouldn’t know what to do other than just… drive away.
- You’ll have to convince him to take you back, otherwise he’ll take the long way home and then put you under his own care

2p!Canada/James Williams:
- He catches on pretty quick.
- Immediately interrogates you about every aspect of your chronic illness.
- In secret, he’ll learn how to take care of you.
- Very observant, but it works against him and he’ll overreact over the smallest of details.
- After a few bumps in the road, James will try his best to help you live a normal life. 
- If your illness is fatal, your “normal life” gets tossed out the window.
- Does a lot of research on hospitals and any specialists you’re supposed to see
- Sometimes the thought of losing you becomes too much, so he disappears for a while to let off some steam. 
- He puts you above everyone else, so he gets testy when hospital employees don’t do the same (highly likely he’ll get kicked out once or twice or thrice or…)
- When he finally snaps, it won’t be loud or violent. He’ll just sit next to you and cry.
- One night he’ll steal you away and take you deep into the mountains. He knows he can’t do much to cure you, but it makes him feel better when it’s just the two of you together.

2p!England/Oliver Kirkland:
- He finds out immediately.
- Dr. Kirkland is in the house (he’s not a professional so be careful).
- He also looks around for home remedies, but he will eventually settle on finding ways to help you through your condition.
- Very attentive, always asking if you’ve taken your medication, making sure you don’t push yourself too hard, etc.
- Don’t hurt yourself because he’ll cry.
- If it’s fatal, he has a hard time believing it. 
- You’re the love of his life! Nothing was going to steal you away from him, not even an illness!
- He drags you from hospital to hospital. Looking for promising treatments, medications, might even try some healing magic.
- Often argues with hospital employees (Ollie sit down you’re not a doctor).
- Over time he gets more and more stressed until you manage to calm him down, and that’s when he finally acknowledges the weight of his emotions and becomes a blubbering mess (get ready because you’re gonna have to hold him for a while before he calms down).
- You can reason with him all you want, but in the end he will take you away and keep you all to himself.

((angsty yanderes. lovely))

small-sapling  asked:

hey there! i'm new to your blog so i'm sorry if you get this question a bunch but do you have any tips on how to help people who are larries see the truth? i know there's no easy answer for this but since you're someone who use to be a larrie (and if you don't mind sharing) what helped persuade you to change your mind? thanks for running this blog and fighting the good fight.

I guess, maybe just ask them why?

Why are they so fervently obsessed with two men’s relationship? Do they think it’s normal or healthy to be this invested in two other people’s relationship as almost all relationships end and it truly has nothing to do with them? If they had two friends who were dating would they be this invested in that relationship or would actually knowing these people make that seem creepy and weird? Would they enjoy a group of people online behaving the way they do about their own relationships? With spreadsheets and masterposts about their sexual positions? Do they think gay men actually really enjoy a predominantly teenage fanbase to be rabidly obsessed with their sex lives to the point of harassing everyone in their family with mentions of their sex life to them? Or that they wouldn’t find that mortifying?

If they stopped being this invested in Larrie for a week or a month and just accepted Freddie, what would happen? If they decided just for a week they would think only positive things about Briana and Eleanor and Danielle and Freddie and not to reblog tinhat posts, what do they think would be the negative outcome of that? What would the world be losing if they thought like this? Do they think it would make it harder for Harry and Louis to come out if they behaved this way, why? Do they believe it’s necessary to sit there and wail “so organic! so fake! ugh that bitch! Freddie really looks like XYZ’s child! Freddie is being abused because he has no socks!” everytime something happens? Do they think Louis and Harry are punished if they don’t? Then what’s the purpose of it? To keep themselves feeling motivated? Why do they need to feel motivated about two other people dating?

Why is Cowell forcing this to happen? Nobody else in Hollywood history has been forced to fake a child, so why is Cowell doing that to Louis? What is Cowell getting out of it that he couldn’t through far easier means? If he can force Louis to look like a homophobe then why not make him look like a homophobe - for example, get him to tweet homophobic crap every day for a month. If he’s capable of that, why isn’t he doing that? Wouldn’t it be easier? If he’s capable of forcing Louis to fake a baby, why not force him to sing a homophobic song or get caught being homophobic on camera? 

Why is Louis going along with this? He wouldn’t need to worry about a lawsuit as Cowell’s contract would have violated so many laws he would easily be capable of suing for millions of dollars in damages, so why doesn’t he? Why is he capable of rebelling and sending messages and refusing to play along with the stunt in some ways, but incapable of just calling a lawyer and getting out of it in other ways? Why won’t he just wear a tee shirt with a blatant explanation or sign of what’s going on? Why doesn’t he get some random person to accidentally see him and Harry kissing in public and take photos and leak them? Why doesn’t he set up an email full of Larrie photos for someone to hack and release? If they think he’s capable of rebelling, why not go all out? If the bears can give them signs, why haven’t the bears been able to accurately predict anything for them? Why do their insiders never know about the big things that have happened in their lives? Like Zayn leaving, or Briana getting pregnant, or Cheryl getting pregnant, or Harry’s 80 million deal, or Dunkirk, or Eleanor getting back together with Louis? They claim all these things are planned months in advance, so why are they always the last to know?

Why did he agree to put his under age sisters through this? Why not put his foot down for them? Refuse to let them interact with the evil girlfriends, refuse to let them interact with Freddie? And who is Freddie? Do they think Tammi and Brett brought him into the world to perform as a stunt child and Louis went along with this disgusting idea? That he only exists because Louis agreed to fake a baby? If not, who is he? How did Briana get the government to fake a birth certificate? Why use her and not anyone else? Where will Freddie go when this is over? Where is his real birth certificate?

And if Cowell is capable of doing all this and to constantly keep delaying the End Date over and over, then why does it ever have to end? Why can’t Cowell continue dragging it out until forever? If the contract means nothing and Cowell can change it whenever he wants, then why do they believe it will ever have to end?

anonymous asked:

How do I support my partner through their mental health problems without compromising my health? I've told them I'm there to talk if they want and stuff and they said they've got stuff they need to work through on their own. That's fine I understand but idk they seem closed off all of a sudden and idk if I can deal with that?

Hey Anon,

I’m glad you reached out to us. Supporting a loved one through mental health difficulties is much easier said than done and can really take a lot out of us. 

A challenge with any illness, be it physical or mental, is that there’s only so much we can do to help the person. You can be there for them when they want to talk, support them, listen to them, love them but you can never fix it for them. That’s such a difficult thing to accept because we’re often willing to do everything to see our partner happy and well, but accepting it is really the first step. 

From there, it’s about being sensitive to their needs and respecting their boundaries. This involves making yourself available if your partner would like to speak about something but also understanding that they may want to deal with this on their own. I would suggest that you encourage them to speak to a mental health professional about it, again simply because we have to understand our limitations with regards to the amount of support we can offer. 

One thing which may help would be to see if you can do any household chores for them or give them a hand with work. These kind of things can be difficult to keep up with when struggling with a MI so can really go a long way, while also making us feel useful and effective in helping the person. It’s usually a good idea to ask rather than trying to guess what would be best (let them have control by allowing them to take decisions, MI tends to make a person feel like they’ve lost control). Here are some other ideas of how you can support them:

 It’s a good idea to practice self-care during these times and treat ourselves with kindness; it’s not easy for either of you. You can consider seeking out a support group or online community for friends/relatives/partners of those struggling with mental illness. Below are some self-care ideas which you may implement, feel free to check our resources for other tools and relaxation techniques.

I know it’s frustrating and you have a right to be angry and upset about it. It affects you greatly because you care about them. Ultimately you have to put your health and your well-being first because that’s what you have most control of. It’s not your job to fix it for them, even if you could. Self-care not selfish, situations like yours drain us so we need to set time for ourselves. You are doing enough.

Good luck!

- Tea

[Optional Bias] Late night reading

Fluff. 1083 words. 

Originally posted by r-un-fast


“What are you doing?”

“Huh?” Your trance is broken but you keep your eyes focused on the bright screen in front of you.

“What are you doing, looking all serious and weird this late?” He chuckles, bending down to kiss your cheek and peek at your laptop resting against your thighs.

“Reading, shhh it’s getting to the good part,” you reply, picking at your chapped lips while your eyes continued to take in the words. You jiggle your legs hanging off the armrest of the sofa, suddenly feeling pins and needles creeping up on them.

You could tell he is annoyed that you didn’t react to his kiss at all and chose your story over him but you couldn’t care less, the characters in this story are being all angsty and you need to ride this emotional roller coaster with them.

He sits down on the sofa behind your fortress of cushions and pulls them out under you causing your body to crash down and your laptop to almost come flying to your face from the momentum.

He catches your laptop and tries to read what you’ve been reading. You look up at him without moving your body. It is an awkward position but at 2AM your body is basically comfortable in however position as long as you don’t have to move a lot. “How is it? Got the feels?”

“What are you even reading, it’s not even a real book,” he scoffs before handing your laptop back to you and adjusting both your bodies so that you are leaning onto him, his arms curling around you.

“A good story doesn’t need to be in a book to be appreciated, lots of people write well and post stuff online nowadays,” you explain, trying to find where you left of. “And this is giving my poor heart such a hard time that I’m considering saving it.”

“Psh. What’s the point, it’s not like they can make money by posting a story they made up online for everyone to read.”

“No, but they get something more valuable.” You look up at him, eyes wide, still picking at your lips . He looks down into your eyes and raises an eyebrow as if challenging you. You continue, unfazed, “They get recognition and people all around the world reading their creation, they get to share their vision and the images they had in their mind through the words they typed up, they get to connect with others over something that they originally felt so strongly over. Isn’t that valuable?”

He sees the twinkle in your eyes and smirks, deciding to drop the topic. “Stop doing that, your lips will bleed if you’re not careful,” he gently pulls your hand away and kisses you.

“Admit it,” you say as soon as you surfaced.

“Admit what?” he asks, confused, obviously still feeling the kiss and wanting more.

“That I won that one,” you turn away to your laptop as he tries to steal in another kiss. “I know you’re dropping it ‘cause you don’t wanna admit I’m right,” you say coolly while moving your cursor to stop the darkening laptop screen.

There was a sudden chill in the air as you realise you’ve gone too far. You could practically feel his hurt from you ‘rejecting’ the kiss, especially since you haven’t exactly been showering him with love and attention from the moment he came looking for you to go to bed.

“Kidding!” You say, turning to smile brightly upside down at him, flashing your best eye smile. You hold on to your laptop to prevent it from falling off as you turn to close the distance between you both and kiss him softly. “I’m sorry.”

He smiles and kisses you again, taking in your sincerity and apologies from your soft lips. “I acknowledge your point,” he replies through the kisses, no longer hurt but amused from how you’ve been tonight.

“Now let’s finish reading this and go to bed,” he says, pulling you close into him while his other hand tries to wake up your laptop.

“Oh so after all the ‘what even is this, blah blah’, you want to read too!” you laugh, mocking him but leaning into warmth nonetheless.

“I never said it was a bad piece of writing,” he defends himself, sticking his tongue out.

You both continue reading, quietly enjoying the silence while the laughter and warmth still floats in the air around you. You have been together for so long now that even your reading speeds have matched up, so it was smooth-scrolling through the fiction without having to indicate or ask whether each other have finished reading to go on to the next part.

In no time, the story ended and he echoes you in a heavy sigh. “Was it a good idea for you to read something this angsty before going to bed? How will you sleep?” he asks you, stretching out his muscles from the weight of the story.

“Yeah why not, I mean, doesn’t it just make you feel so tired that you just want to end your day and sleep?” you say, closing your laptop and turning around to look him in the eyes. “Plus, when I have you how can I not sleep well? All the pain or angst from anything I read just melts away when I’m in your arms.”

A noticeable pink flush creeps up his neck and you smile at his adorableness, he could never handle it when you are so direct since you very rarely do it that way. His squishes your cheeks and avoids eye-contact by putting your foreheads together, mumbling, “What, is it drag me night tonight…”

You pucker your lips and say through squished cheeks, “You’re just sho cuuute.” You close your eyes, wanting a kiss, but he laughs - “you look like a goldfish” - and kisses your forehead. “Now let’s for real go to bed.”

He stands, pulling you up with him and he hugs you from behind. He nuzzles into your neck and starts to step towards the bedroom. You laugh as you imagine him from a third-person view, waddling blindly with his face tucked in your neck and his arms tight around you.

And with a fuzzy feeling, you realise, from a third-person view, that this scene, with you laughing because of his cute actions, would be exactly what you want in your relationship.  You smile blissfully, melting into his body, thanking the stars for his love.

anonymous asked:

do you have any tips/sources on how to work through your internalised homophobia? I'm struggling with that at the moment and I don't know what to do :(

theOkay, so I’m really struggling to come up with any good advice / strategies of my own except

  • look for same gender/wlw/mlm positivity and submerge yourself in it. literally. follow a ton of wlw/mlm positivity blogs. reblog their stuff. save it on your phone. make it your lock screen and background! listen to music about how good it is to be gay. put something rainbow-y in your room.
  • embrace same gender relationships in fiction! seek them out actively and when you find them, celebrate them. some shows and movies that i can think of off the top of my head that have same gender couples in them: supergirl, grey’s anatomy, eyewitness, class, the fosters, carol, moonlight, the handmaiden, the get down, skam, glee, how to get away with murder
  • talk to other lgbpq people (including online!) about your experiences with internalised homophobia
  • find out if there’s a lgbt club/bar/event in your town and go there. party and celebrate lgbt people! who knows, maybe something interesting will happen ;)
  • find same gender porn that you like (maybe start with pwp fanfic if visual porn isn’t your thing) to normalize same gender sex for yourself and get rid of the homophobic attitude that it’s weird or gross

but I found a couple of things that might be more helpful than that online:

Read more about internalized homophobia. While this topic has less written about it than say, coming out, there is still a lot of information out there, especially moving personal accounts.

Community – building a support network is absolutely essential. The compassion of other LGBQ people and straight allies can be tremendously healing. Others who are at a different stage in the process can often offer valuable insight and solidarity.

Learn about the history of the LGBTQ rights movement.  Find role models in the struggle. See all of the different identities and human beings it took to effect progress towards equality and justice.

Find an LGBTQ positive therapist, counselor or psychologist who can guide you through the reparative process.

Get away from toxic influences. This one can often be the most difficult. Typically, toxic influences include major players in our lives, such as family, religion, and friends.

If your religion is not accepting, consider leaving the church even for a time, or find a new church. If you refuse to leave, educate yourself. Refine your arguments. Learn about whether or not your religion truly teaches the immorality of gays, or if it is the interpretation of your religious leader. However, if your religious doctrine is perpetually in conflict with your identity, you may find the commitment more damaging than rewarding.

Clarify your perspectives by talking to friends and allies. Heterosexism and fear can skew our idea of the threats we truly face. For example, a person with an open-minded family, LGBTQ friends and enlightened teachers might still be overcome by crippling fear and internalized homophobia. Work to determine where you stand.

Practice self-awareness. Be aware of your negative reactions, critical self-talk and judgment of other. Each time you do it, examine the source.

If you can do it safely, come out of the closet. While it has potential to be painful, and most certainly will be repetitive and exhausting, this step can be immensely rewarding.

Try to overcome your fear of rejection.

Remember that internalized homophobia is not coming from inside of you. You are not sick, and you don’t need to be cured. It was forced upon you, in a suffocating and violent way by a homophobic society. If you have been accused of having it, or if you wonder about yourself, don’t feel guilty or shameful, just take the steps, one by one, to free yourself of this weight that keeps us all down.

from this

and this

1. Find gay friends with whom you identify. 2. It takes a while: keep looking until you find them. 3. Don’t expect your parents to “get it”, but don’t tolerate rudeness or disrespect. 4. Only date kind men. 5. Allow yourself the freedom to view all your fantasies in porn. 6. Take a sociology class and learn about the arbitrary, made up rules that different societies create about what is okay, and why. 7. Type in “love yourself workshop” on a search engine and see what comes up. 8. Care deeply about what it was like for you as a gay kid in high school. 9. Say “I love you” to yourself even though it feels ridiculous. 10. Do something that feels “too feminine,” maybe in private. 11. Avoid “friends” who put you down. 12. If you are religious, join a church that knows that gay really is good. 13. Practice coming out to friendly strangers and work your way up to telling the important people in your life. 14. Notice when you are trying to be perfect and remember: it’s futile. 15. Take small interpersonal risks every week, such as revealing something that feels slightly vulnerable. 16. Read Randy Shilts’ The Mayor of Castro Street. 17. Read Alan Down’s The Velvet Rage. 18. If you are new-agey, read Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life. 19. Raise your political consciousness at a gay fund raising event. 20. Love some of your most judgmental family members from afar, rather than in person. 21. Never underestimate the power of childhood exposure to homophobia: it’s damaging, and repair will take your full effort. 22. Commit to making self-nurturing a new lifetime habit. 23. Work with a gay-friendly therapist or coach. 24. View a mean homophobe with sadness, imagining how truly scared and insecure he is on the inside. 25. Join a gay artistic, athletic, political, community service or support group. 26. Get angry about injustice: righteous anger builds self-esteem. 27. Treat other gay people especially well. 28. Be a witness to your thoughts. By detaching, you’ll notice your illogical, self-critical judgments. 29. If you live in a very conservative area, do something on this list at least once per day because you need extra support. 30. Create your own list of things you can do. Then do them.

by the gay therapy centre

and even this wikihow article!

I hope any of this helps, nonny!