i need to get a time machine!!!!

alton brown: contestants, you have precisely one hour to assemble a dish using only one ingredient (he takes the cover off of the sliver platter to reveal a sad looking bag of pepperoni)

bald chef jeff: ok, so right away i’m thinkin pepperoni pizza. so i go to the pantry to get myself some bread, but there was a rabid dog waiting for me within, so i instantly closed the door before i was mauled and killed by this rabid dog. so my second idea was to assemble a favorite of mine: a pepperoni geyser. now in order to make a pepperoni geyser, you need a floating point unit and a pepperoni propulsion device, which can easily be assembled by [REDACTED BY US GOVERNMENT] so right away i grab the ice cream machine and [REDACTED BY US GOVERNMENT] and that should do it.

alton brown: 3, 2, 1! time’s up, chefs! chef dianne, what have you prepared for us today?

chef dianne: well today, i have prepared for you a dish we always used to make back home in louisana. it’s called “stacks”

(it’s just a stack of pepperoni)

alton brown: revered food columnist Vito Scaletta, what do you think of the “stacks” chef dianne cheyenne has prepared for you today?

revered food columnist vito scaletta, without taking a bite of his stack: i like it. it brings me back to my poker days, makes me feel like i’m winnin’ big!

I’m pretty sure this is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen in a Pokemon game, tbh. Like between Grunt A rapping, the one grunt in Nurse Joy’s spot, the crudely-drawn dick (well that’s kinda what it looks like) on the cafe’s sign, the Spinda, and the one guy passed out (?) on the floor, you just kind of have to stand back and admire the spectacle.

Only way it could get better was if you could have the Skull girl heal your Pokemon:

“Like, okay, I’ve seen Joy work this thing a thousand times. I should be able to do this. Ok, you turn it on like this, right…?”
*starts pressing buttons but none of them work, tho a kick to the machine starts it up*
“Yo, I kinda need your Pokemon for a mo, kid. That’s what ya came in here for, right?”
*presses more buttons, until one of them does the healing thing, and she gives them back to you*
“TAKE BETTER CARE OF THEM NEXT TIME OR WE JUST MIGHT TAKE THEM FROM YOU! WE DON’T NEED SOME SNOT-NOSED KID COMING HERE WHINING ABOUT THEIR POKEMON!”

One year ago, on this day, I started working as a vet. I realised:
- it’s okay to not know everything
- books are your best friends ( all hail Cote’s Clinical Veterinary Advisor)
- more often than not, clients are disrespectful morons
- others are very cooperative and kind
- you need some time to get used to being called doctor
- never trust owners who claim that their dog has never bitten anyone
- no matter how hard you try, you lose patients; we’re trying to heal living beings, not fixing washing machines
- there will be days when you insert an IV canulla at first try into a kitten, and days when you fail to insert a pink canulla into a Staffordshire terrier
- euthanasia is one of the hardest parts of our job, but we have to learn to accept it; sometimes it’s the most humane option
- intact female dog showing vague symptoms- always check for pyometra
- atopic dermatitis is No.1 in my Top 5 of frustrating diseases
- owners entering with a rabbit sends chills down my spine
- I die a little inside when I see pugs, french bulldogs and chihuahuas
- I strongly dislike breeders/reproducers
- how difficult it is for young doctors to be taken seriously
- how many times I have been mistaken for an assistant, because God forbid only men can be doctors
- it’s really entertaining to see old ladies swoon over one of my handsome colleagues
- clients use the most surprising methaphors when they talk about animal genitalia
- it’s difficult to hold back a chuckle when owner comes in for tablets against distemper
The list can go on forever I think, but the most important thing I realised is that, despite the difficulties, I immensely love what I do and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

PRIVACY AS PERFORMANCE

If the past month has reminded me of anything, it’s that we see what we’re supposed to see. The brilliance (and sometimes curse) of the One Direction Machine is that they created all these moments where we feel like we’re involved. We feel like we’re getting “real” glimpses into their lives. From social media to arranged stalkers and everything in between. But it is performance. It always has been

Each piece contributes to a larger whole: the boys’ social media, their families, their known friends, paparazzi photos, “leaked” photos, “private” social media.

Sometimes photos need dates and locations, sometimes they need deniability, sometimes it’s something else entirely. 

As a short anecdote, there was a time I was a high school dean of students. And I can promise you that the CIA could learn things about finding out information on the internet from high school girls. I KNEW nothing I posted on my “private” social media was safe. I knew that there would be someone who could find it and do something with it. You know what I did? I didn’t post things. 

I find it HARD to believe that the boys or anyone close to them has a different view. On top of the fact that some of the moms (and others) have fans as friends on Facebook. So I’m not going to be fussed when a picture hits my dash that is from a so called “private” account because I believe I’m seeing that picture because I’m supposed to.

Box pleated skirt tutorial

Hey everyone! Hope you guys are doing amazing on this fine fall day. So today’s tutorial is on how to make a box pleated skirt. I like making this better than a normal pleated skirt because my opinion is they look a little better and easier to make. I’ve used this pattern for Rosario + Vampire Moka, Lucy Heartfilia from Fairy Tail and lastly Maka Albarn from Soul Eater. Most likely will be using this for other cosplays down the road

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See how funny and likeable you can be when you’re not being a huge asshole Peridot?

Please tell me someone drew Garnet chasing cows away.

I need this in my life.

Oh… boy.

Hmm….

I was gonna get angry at Peridot but… I wonder. Before she called Garnet a “war machine”, and she’s not angry at her existance like with Pearl, so I wonder if Peridot’s uncomfortable because of the social or practical implications of fusion. 

The first option would make it a big parallel to homophobia, while the second… well, maybe she’s just scared because she assumes fusions only exist to fight, and having a fusion around all the time must make her uncomfortable that way.

I genuinely don’t know which of those two options is going through Peridot’s head right now.

On the other hand, Garnet does not take any shit when it comes to fusion.

Peridot just made a biiig mistake.

anonymous asked:

So I've noticed that on a few songs, Louis makes his voice sound completely - well, torn up isn't the right description, but just broken and grief stricken, maybe? Just really emotional, I guess. Anyway, I haven't really noticed any of the others do that, at least to the same degree. Do they, you think?

Not to the same degree, no.  Harry is also incredibly expressive with his voice, but Louis man….that kid knows what he’s doing when it comes to showing emotion with just his voice. 

“You’re all I want so much it’s hurting” 

“Everything I need I get from you” 

“ Wish that you could build a time machine So you could see the things no one can see” 

“If he feels my traces in your hair, sorry love but I don’t really care” - not grief but you hear his laughter in that

And those are all off the top of my head while i’m listening to other songs. I’m sure if I really sat down to think about it I could come up with more. he’s SO GOOD at it (and you know you sang all those lines in your head as you read them).

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My study space // 31-1-2016
January has generally been insane for me, so many things happened within one month. It was a month of constantly challenging myself to get better. I slept less (I had too), I explored more, I studied intensely, I took more photos that the previous months, I developed better habits, I laughed a lot, but also cried some more.
There where hella productive days, but there also days that I didn’t feel like getting up from bed. Everyone has days like that, and we need to accept it. We are not machines, we are humans and we all need some rest every now and then. Learn to love your procrastinating self, as well as your productive one -just don’t overdo it. Before you start any project, assignment or any errand, make peace with yourself, and appreciate every tiny bit of effort you put in it. You’ll have a better time completing your task.
I hope February is gonna be a good month as well, for me, and you too!

Rewatching Band of Brothers

Part 2- day of Days

  • Joe Toye crossing himself in the background
  • Lipton’s angry “Does that light look green to you?!” Is so awesome
  • Winters’ little “hell with that!” to Hall as they run from the machine gun fire
  • Toye and Malarky’s banter as they walk on the railroad
  • Guarnere’s “Who the hell is Hall?”
  • Everyone thinks Lipton is sweet and innocent but he’s really badass. Like he doesn’t hesitate to start rummaging through the bodies of the dead soldiers in order to get what he needs to survive. But he’s also really 

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We've lost a George, a Prince, a poet named Cohen, a man made of stardust, and are getting Trumps. 2016 proves that we need time machines.

… No, seriously, what year is it? It’s Sunday night and I’m watching Justin Chatwin live a double life. … I’ve been here before. … Y’all, even “Doctor Who” didn’t want this much to change since 2013, and especially not in just this year alone.

6

So I bought a coffee machine. Because I thought I should have one. And then I had it. And I was making coffee for people. That made me feel pretty good about myself. But then I tried it. And I’ve tried coffee before. And like what happened this time is I guess I made way too strong of coffee. And there was this whole thing where I needed to get a bunch of music stuff done.

to read list 2017

the iliad by homer
beowulf by anonymous
jane eyre by charlotte brontë
the bacchae and other plays by euripides
the master and margarita by mikhail bulgakov
the prose edda by snorri sturluson
the vikings by else roesdahl
romeo and juliet by shakespeare
the time machine by hg wells
paradise lost by john milton
hamlet by shakespeare
the call of cthulu and other weird stories by hp lovecraft
the blind assassin by margaret atwood
the vinland sagas by anonymous
as well as more books read by women, lgbtq authors and stories and poetry  ♣

happy reading, have a great 2017, and please let me know what you are all planning on reading in this coming year!

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that time of year is approaching, and if you need some tunes to get in the spooky mood, have i got a trilogy for you

howl - werewolves

howl - florence + the machine | kill of the night - gin wigmore | wolf & i - oh land | dirty paws - of monsters and men | wolf like me - lera lynn | wolf - first aid kit | lil’ red riding hood - laura gibson | a wolf at the door - radiohead | you’re a wolf - sea wolf | the wolves (act I & II) - bon iver | daniel in the den - bastille | the wolf - fever ray [bonus tracks]: wolf like me - tv on the radio | lil’ red riding hood - sam the sham & the pharaohs | hungry like the wolf - duran duran

hunt - vampires

work song - hozier | if i had a heart - fever ray | lonesome hunter - timber timbre | white teeth teens - lorde | bloodsport - sneaker pimps | date with the night - yeah yeah yeahs | my boy builds coffins - florence + the machine | night time, my time - sky ferreira | kill and run - sia | secret - the pierces | valley of the dolls - marina and the diamonds | i walk the line - halsey | i will never die - delta rae | sleep baby sleep - teresa straley | o death - jen titus

hex - witches

blood on my name - the brothers bright | wishin’ well - sioux city kid | black sheep - gin wigmore | the bullet - devil makes three | under your spell - timber timbre | house of the rising sun - lauren o’connell | take me to church - hozier | bones - little big town | me and the devil - soap & skin | seven devils - florence + the machine | when the lights go out - the black keys | raise hell - brandi carlile | chasing twisters - delta rae | jungle - x ambassadors | wicked ones - dorothy

This time for real.

I’m flying back home Monday. Earliest flight I could get.

Odds are not good that Mom makes it. The spot that they said wasn’t cancer is. And because she’s been bedridden so long she started throwing blood clots, which have hit her lungs and caused embolisms. We have to make a choice whether to keep her alive on the machine - which is all that’s keeping her breathing - or to let her go.

Restaurant told me to take all the time I need.

Retail job began to tell me I need to be there for my shifts before I told them why I’d be out. Then they had nothing to say but “I’ll tell [store manager.]” I rightly don’t give half a flying fuck if they like it or not. 

I can get a new job.

I only get one Mom. 

The only consolation I take from the whole thing is that my last words to her that I know she heard were “love you Mom.”

It’s small consolation.

“The bond between a pilot and their aircraft is an incredibly powerful thing. The mind-melding of man and machine - in the air, we are neither flesh, nor metal and composites. We become one - a spirit of the winds, a god of the sky, a malestrom of pure fire and speed for the few sweet hours we are granted the heavens at a time.”

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That Can't Be Them Part Three

You stood in front of the Avengers. Each one looked hesitant to fight you. Why, you thought. It’s not like I know them. Finally, Iron Man walked up to you.
“Y/n…”
Before you had time to react, he grabbed you, pushing you to the ground. Your head hit the ground, quickly knocking you out.
*time skip*
When you woke, your head was pounding. You looked around. You were in a grey room. The only things in this room were machines. Most of which were connected to you. You tried to sit up, but you couldn’t. Straps were holding you down. You tried to get out, but failed.
“You need to listen to us y/n.”
You turned and saw Iron Man leaning against the door. You laughed and put your head back down.
“Why should I, Stark? It’s not like you kidnapped me or anything.”
He sighed, and turned around.
“Come in, Wanda.”
You looked up and saw Wanda.
“What are you-”
Before you finished, she entered your mind, chasing you to black out.
3rd person POV
“You did what?”
As soon as y/n had been brought back, Tony pulled aside Wanda. No one saw them for a while. Then, they called everyone into the main room for a meeting.
“Tony told me to!” Wanda said, holding up her hands in defense.
“Listen, it’s the best chance to get y/n back. It’s different from how Bucky was brainwashed, so that wouldn’t work.”
Steve and Bucky were sitting on the couch directly in front of Tony. Wanda was standing next to Tony. Natasha and Clint were standing behind the couch. Sam was sitting on a chair by the couch.
“Why are you so worked up about Steve? What’s the worst that could happen?” Sam said.
When he said this, both Wanda and Tony looked at each other.
“Well..” Wanda muttered.
“Wanda. What could happen?” Bucky asked.
“Well the way I erased the brainwashing was taking away y/n’s memory. While it’s unlikely, it’s possible that their memory could be completely erased.” Wanda hesitantly explained.
Before Steve and Bucky could yell at Wanda and Tony, they heard a scream from down the hall.
“That was y/n.”

This whole getting darker thing is not something I need at the moment. Now whenever I’m out and about, I’ll go into the store at four-thirty and come out with it pitch black making me lack all sorts of motivation for paperwork when I get back home. It’s time to start using my expresso machine for day and night. Either that, or call upon some genius to construct artificial sunlight for my apartment just until I get enough work done.

xmxp-v  asked:

Would you explain the finer points of needing a permit to fire machine guns?

If you ask me about the logics behind that stupid law, I just can’t answer. It’s one of these arbitrary administrative bullshit legislators can’t help themselves to throw in laws every time they’re working on guns (it’s only common sense ! it’s reasonable compromise ! think of fucking the children !… uh… sorry… old habits… think of the fucking children ! the greater good !).

But how it works is that you get your license to own your assault rifle/machine gun/submachine gun. Contrary to the license to own a “civilian” gun which is shall issue, the authorization is at the discretion of the policeman in charge of your local ATF. His criteria can be your age, your social status, the number of firearms you’re already owning, etc. Your home will be desecrated by ritual controls of your safe room, you will have to buy alarm and security systems, etc. But even after having complied with all the arbitrary police requirement, and you’re still a bit itchy with your last cavity search, you’re still not allowed to use the fun switch.

No. For that, you need to ask for another license. Which costs CHF 100.- (about the same amount in USD) and is valid only for 24 hours. And then you’ll need to find a shooting range that will accept to host your hooligan mag-dumps fuckfest. See, life is  very hard in Switzerland.

(To complete my last answer about automatic weapons, it’s possible to use a full-auto gun in semi-auto mode if - and only if - it’s an ordnance firearm (i.e. F ass/Stgw 57 or 90, aka SIG 510 and 550). If you got an automatic (or formerly automatic, converted to semi-auto only) Kalashnikov, you won’t be allowed to use it without that special license.

Of course, to my knowledge, not one full-auto weapon was criminally used these last thirty years in Switzerland. Greater good !)