i need these in my life right now

BTS as things I have said at 4AM

Jin: …And that’s how I ended up humping a bottle of German mustard.

Yoongi: I’m asleep inside because I’m sleeping about the sleep.

Hoseok: OMG GUYYYYYYYS. THE SUN IS RISING. OMG I LOVE YOU ALL.

Namjoon: I’d prefer to sit down over there in that corner and reconsider my life choices and attempt answering the question as to what the goal of life is, okay.

Jimin: Does someone have a Peanutbutter Jelly sandwich for me? Wait, fuck, that’s too unhealthy, I mean does someone have a salad or something? You know what fuck it, doES ANYONE CASUALLY HAVE A CHEESEBURGER FOR ME? I NEED ONE.

Taehyung: I think the Illuminati exist, but they’re all aliens. I’m 100% sure of it.

Jungkook: Jesus Christ, I’m way too young to be awake right now.

anonymous asked:

Hi Sam, if this falls under "Sam Advises" just ignore it. I've found your tips for job hunters very useful and wanted to ask, if you have suggestions for dealing with insecurity-induced procrastination. I keep finding other things I need to do "right now" whenever I sit down to apply for jobs, and I think is partly fear of applying, which is stupid. Do you feel nervous when you apply? Or at interview? How do you deal with it? Thank you! I love your tumblr and the peeks you allow into your life.

For me the issue was always that I was paralyzed by how to start. Over the course of my life I’ve often found that the problem I have is beginning; a project seems so huge and overwhelming that I just don’t know where to begin. Once I’ve begun, any fear or anxiety tends to fall away. 

So for the things in my life that feel that way, I’ve developed a number of packets or documents where I know that, say, if I want to do task A, I ALWAYS have to start by opening X document, and that’s all I have to do. Once I open the document, all the steps are laid out for me and I just have to follow them. (Building the document is hard, but you only have to do it once.) 

Applying can be terrifying, but focusing on the steps can help. So while this may not help you, it’s what I have to offer – set up a list of the steps to take whenever you apply, and make sure all the documents you need (such as a list of references, or a spreadsheet of where you have applied) are on hand. My guide to job hunting was an attempt to codify all of that, so you might start there; if you find all that reading overwhelming, scroll to the bottom and there’s a “quick guide”. 

Good luck! Remember – always have an easy first step. The rest will follow :) 

When you’re a trainee at SM and are dating Jeno

Thank you for the request~ I hope you like this! ^^

i need more jeno in my life this boy is obviously hiding from me ;-; BTW i really hope i understood “rookies show” right here ><


Words: 1002

Fluff it’s kinda mild but it’s there, don’t worry

Requested by @galinisthenewgrey ♥

Originally posted by chittaphon-trash


You rubbed your slightly sweaty palms against your thighs, trying to keep yourself calm. You had been working your ass off to be where you were today. Now that the day to finally properly introduce yourself to the audience had come, you were feeling like you would collapse before even getting on stage.

NCT was still growing with units debuting and making comebacks here and there but the agency had decided that they wanted to debut a new girl group. They wanted to promote the group before they debut and that’s how you ended up where you were now: in the waiting room before going on stage. It was the day for your first SM Rookies show. The other members of the Rookies were getting ready for the show by practicing the dance moves and singing their parts.

In the corner of the small waiting room that was currently full of people sat the only person you knew could help you calm down. Even looking at his relaxed expression made you feel a bit better - though you did still feel like you were going to faint.

It was your boyfriend, Jeno. He was very relaxed since he was experienced. He was hosting the show with a few other NCT members.

I wonder if I’ll ever get to the point where he is now…

Quietly, you stood up and exited the room to go clear your thoughts. It was too noisy in the waiting room for you to think about anything else other than how nervous you were.

You didn’t know where you wanted to go so you just walked in circles for a bit until you found a quiet spot at the end of a hallway. It was so far from the hall where the show was going to be held that you didn’t hear the loud cheers and chattering that you had heard when you were in the waiting room.

I can do this… I’ll blow their minds…

You tried to tell yourself to calm down but you couldn’t help glancing at the clock that had been hung on the wall next to you every ten seconds. You felt your hands shake a little and the strength in your legs was slowly fading away and was being replaced by shaking.

I have to do this right… I worked for years to get here…

Your breathing was somewhat shaky and your stomach was hurting. You had never felt so nervous before. The feeling was almost overwhelming.

“Here you are,” you heard a familiar voice and turned around to be greeted by Donghyuck who was smiling mischievously. “Nervous much?”

You were close with the younger members of NCT, especially the members of NCT Dream. It had all happened while you were a trainee. You just naturally became friends little by little. You had thought it would be impossible to get close to your seniors thanks to their super busy schedules but somehow you had managed to befriend them. Somewhere along the way you and Jeno had developed feelings for each other and ended up dating despite both of you being busy.

“It’s easy for you to say,” you mumbled. “You’re already used to this kind of situations…”

“It was nerve-wracking for me too at first but you’ll feel really good when you get on stage, I promise,” Donghyuck smiled.

You couldn’t even force a smile for him so you just looked at him. “I guess so…”

“Jeno wanted to talk to you,” he said and walked past you after giving your shoulder a quick pat.

“Okay…” you mumbled and looked at how he walked away, looking relaxed as ever.

You decided to return to the waiting room to chat with the others. You couldn’t though, as you met Jeno on the way back and was stopped by him.

“Where did you go?” he asked, curious. “I was looking for you.”

“Sorry,” you apologized. “I just felt like I had to go clear my thoughts somewhere quiet.”

He quietly looked at you for a bit. “Are you really nervous?”

You nodded. “I feel like I’m going to lose my mind before I can even get on stage.”

“Are you feeling unwell?”

“Uh huh,” you said. “My stomach ache is quite strong and I feel a bit nauseous.”

There was a brief silence. “Don’t worry,” he said giving you and encouraging smile. “We’re all going to be there with you - the girls and the rest of my members.”

“I know but… I don’t know, I just feel like something is going to go wrong,” you said, feeling anxious.

“You’ll do great,” he said with a tone that comforted you.

“You think so?”

He nodded with a wide smile. “And so what if you make a small mistake? You’re just a rookie, I’m sure the audience will understand.”

You bit your lip, trying to keep calm. “And what if they don’t… like me?”

“I’m sure they will,” he said, came closer to you, put his arms around your waist and pressed a gentle kiss on your forehead. “Who wouldn’t like you?” he asked and looked at you with a loving smile.

You couldn’t help smiling at his sweetness. “They aren’t you, Jeno.”

“I bet they wish they were,” he said with a smug smile and pulled you in for a hug.

You stayed quiet for a bit. “And what if I like faint or stage or something?”

“You can’t,” he said softly. “You could get hurt. You won’t faint if you just remember to breathe. Everything will be okay.”

You smiled and hugged him a little tighter. “Thanks for trying to make me feel better.”

He loosened his arms around you to look at you. “Did I succeed?” he asked.

You nodded, noticing your legs had regained some strength and that you felt a lot more relaxed. “I’m feeling a lot better already.”

He smiled and gave your lips a gentle peck. “I’ll be right by your side, supporting you.”

“I know,” you smiled.

announcement

I hate to do this when I have a starter call but I need to take a few day hiatus for self-care because I’m currently mega-stressed and anxious right now. I’ll still be online, but I will not be doing any responses or really paying much attention to my RP blog aside from talking to a couple of people I’m good friends with. Which is mostly what I use tumblr for anyways.

The fact is, the stress of moving, couple with the stress of having to go to the ER when I’m uninsured, on top of trying to get a job and having to deal with how shitty my life is (I hate saying this because it makes it seem like I want to be pitied when I reeeaaaaheeeheeeaaally do not) and then worry about roleplaying is just like

I’m both neglecting my mental health and actively making it worse. And being uninsured means it’s basically being neglected anyways.

I’m hoping to return back to roleplaying in a few days with a far clearer head and far less bad feels. Especially after I (hopefully) get some better sleep because I know being so sleep deprived is NOT helping my situation.

Hope to catch y’all on the flipside.

I Was Born in the Desert

I am not certain why I wrote this. It has been buzzing about my pea brain for quite a while, and responding to @thesecondsealwrites earlier gave me the push I needed to finally type it out, I suppose. Anyways, here you go.


I was born in the desert.

Now, probably not the desert you are thinking of in your mind right now: there were no great rolling dunes of gold, no oases, no camels. I was a daughter of the smell of sagebrush and the howls of coyotes, in a place that so few people call home that the stars still shine clear and bright in the night sky, undiminished by the expanse of civilization.

I do not remember the desert as it was then, for when I was still too young to give name to my home, my family left, and I became a daughter of the sea. Not the sea you are probably imagining, with lazy stretches of white sand or beautiful people tanned and glowing in the warmth of an ocean sun. No, I was a daughter of the fierce and utterly unrepentant waves. The seagull’s call and the sea lion’s bark replaced the coyote and sage grouse, and as I grew I would run wild on the dark sands of my home, calling to the sea.

This too, was temporary.

Before I could read my first precious words, my family moved again, this time to the mountains of the south, and my mouth stumbled over unfamiliar names like Cascades and Siskiyous. But I grew to love the mountains, and they would embrace me for long years. I became a daughter of towering pines and dark hollows, and my ears keened to the screams of mountain lions and the curious hoots of owls. My feet grew rough and calloused as I ran feral and free in the forests as often as my mother would let me, and sometimes even when she would not, and there were seasons. Spring and summer and fall and winter, all in their time.

Time passed.

Now, I live in the great metropolis, the city. I attend parties and shows and sip exotic beers and revel in the opportunities afforded to me in my new home. I work and smile at the memories of the places I left behind.

But still, sometimes I dream. I dream of the desert, and the night skies so clear they could break my heart. And I dream of the sea, with the waves that crash like thunder on stone and sand. And I dream of the mountains, where mystery still whispers its promises amongst tree and stream and lake. I am still a daughter of them all.

And sometimes, I return.

6

It’s been a while since I drew some Tokodeku but my life is pretty messed up right now (personal problems + plushie commissions + final exams coming soon) but the other day I got this idea and couldn’t resist on drawing it

It’s super fluff and dark but I like it this way, because we all need a Deku to light up our lives <3 

I’m having a really really hard time with motivation right now. I fell off the track for a few weeks and I finally got a session in with SSgt except I pushed myself too hard, I threw up and then passed out and when I went to get back in my circuit, he told me to stop.

I get that when shit like that happens, it’s your body telling you that you’re doing TOO much but I feel so defeated and so shitty about it.

I need to get my shit back together and I’m considering a part time to add to my full time so that I can get some extra cash to make sure I can buy groceries and get my diet back on track.

I’m just so fucking stressed. 😩 help.

5

Hey guys..
So I got kicked out of my home for good today, one for coming out and two bc I spoke my mind. So I left and I’m thankful that I can stay over at a good friend’s home for the night.
I will probably be on and off of here bc I have a lot happening right now. Im really sorry but I might be late to answer any vent asks or messages. ;;
I don’t really know if I can do commissions right now, I’m really sorry, but I really do need some support.
You guys know I’m really shy and dont like to ask for stuff, but my Paypal is azeeminshan@gmail.com and my patreon is Patreon.com/Azeem.
I would really, really appreciate it if my followers could share this. I have a pretty decent following but, it would really matter right now.
Thank you so much guys for everything you’ve done for me up to this point. I really want to start enjoying life and I hope I can get everything sorted out.

Dear, first love.
I do not know how it happened. I couldn’t even tell you when it happened. All I know is that I was completely in love with you but suddenly, it was over and my love started dissipating for you. Please understand, it didn’t just leave. I went through hell and back, not knowing how to deal with the love that you left behind. I thought it was something I’d never be able to get over. I was so overwhelmingly in love with you that I just couldn’t believe that we had no future together anymore and that was hard to swallow because there was a time where I once saw you as my entire future. My mind went astray with the thought of you during cold nights, wishing we were sharing body heat for one last time. It felt as though I’d never be able to erase your name from my memory. But something happened. Like I said, I don’t know when or how, or possibly even why, I just know that it stopped hurting. Your name didn’t feel like a sharp knife embedded into my heart, it faded away like a dull blur that I had trouble remembering. I could drink dark coffee without thinking how your lips tainted that very same mug once before. I was able to pass by the places that hold memories of past us laughing away into the night, with mexican food in our mouth and love in our eyes, with a smile. There was no longer any sadness that used to drain my entire body with heaviness when my thoughts ran through these memories like wildfire. Just an acknowledgement that we were in each other’s lives at one point of time in this universe. I’m no longer sad about us anymore. Truth is, if we were meant to be, we would have been. It’s just a shame that we were lessons rather than the real thing because had we learnt our lessons before meeting each other, we could have been the real thing, you know? The big love that everyone talks about. All of the movies, songs and poems about love; we would have been the epitome of love itself. I truly believe that. But I am happy that we happened. Because I now know how it truly feels to love someone and to have it taken away from you. It’s given me the biggest lessons of my life. I now know when to admit when I’m wrong, how to support someone when they need you to, how to not hold back in love just because you’re scared of the outcome and most importantly, how to love someone without wanting anything in return. Just for the complete sake of loving them.
God, I’m scared. I’ve met someone new and I’m terrified of messing it up. But this time around, I’m not holding back. I have a heart full of love and this time, I’m going to do it right. So thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for the lessons and thank you for teaching me how to love somebody properly. Goodbye, first love. Hello, my last love (hopefully).

The death of Finnick was, devastating…Him screaming in pain and then his last scream were he yells “Katniss” was the end of me.

the skulduggery pleasant books rated by mentions of dogs
  • scepter of the ancients: features dogs running freely in haggard with their tails wagging, a slobbery dog in a towtruck, and several other references to dogs. a solid dependable book. (8/10).
  • playing with fire: melissa mentions one of the edgley's owns owns three small dogs, says she prefers big dogs. valkyrie asks her if they're getting a dog. a tantalising conversation, but could be improved with more dogs. (6/10)
  • faceless ones: while there are two similes referencing dogs, this book contains no actual dogs. very disappointing. (2/10)
  • dark days: valkyrie asks her parents if they can get a dog. however, she also insults hannah foley's chinese crested dog. not cool. (4/10)
  • mortal coil: valkyrie see's a dog being taken for a walk at st anne's park. she also gives skulduggery a mug with a picture of her neighbour's one-eyed dog betty on it. this is pivotal to the ongoing development of both their character arcs. (9/10)
  • deathbringer: kenny goes to the park where he see's several small dogs playing in the sunshine. A few other references to dogs are made throughout the book. (7/10)
  • kingdom of the wicked: we learn of the existence of an alternate dimension where mevolent and his army kill dogs.this is awful, just awful (-10/10)
  • last stand of dead men: contains one real dog and one fake dog-like-alien, i would have prefered two dogs (5/10)
  • dying of the light: valkyrie finally gets the dog she's always wanted. xena is amazing, a very good dog. couldn't be happier for my girl. (11/10)
Long Hiatus

Hello everyone!
I just wanted to give you some news.

As you can see, I’ll be absent for a long time. Recently I haven’t feeling very well, both physically and mentally due…many things are happening in my life right now.

I don’t want to lie to you all and pretend I’m always smiling and being funny and silly. This time I really need a time to deal with all those stuff that requires time  that I’m spending in my blogs and chats with people. I need some time alone. 

I’ll come back when Underverse 0.3-2 is finished, maybe in the middle of July, I’ll try to update a few advances of the animation, nothing else. I won’t stream until that day comes, too. I prefer to not using the chat for a while. I need to focus and save a lot of time to finish this animation and then being able to take important choices that are about to change many things of my daily life.

I have a couple of things to do before leaving, so don’t worry to people I promised to do those things this week.

…So, see you soon and thanks for everything.
Have fun.

A Half God with Daddy Issues

Some backstory: It was a homebrew campaign. We got finished fighting a Dragonborn who killed our half deity friend, Tristan. He was brought back to life by an NPC Priest, Kailee, later that night our half God visits her and…we didn’t expect what would happen next.

Tristan: “I need your help..”

Kailee: “Sure, what do you need?”

Tristan: “You brought me back from death once, right?”

Kailee: “Um…yes? Why do you need?”

Tristan OOC: I pull out my skinning knife. And hesitantly stab myself through the temple. 

Tristan: “I have to talk with my dad.”

DM: -Silence- 

DM, now Tristan’s Father: Hello My Son.

Tristan OOC: I punch him.

Our Party Erupted into laughter.

Truth is, I just want you to need me, to want me. And I know that everyone says you have to be independent, and you have to be fine on your own before you can let yourself rely on someone. But it’s late and my chest feels heavy and your eyes are the most beautiful shade of green I think I’ve ever seen and even if it was only for tonight, only for right now, I think being in your arms would make it all hurt a little less.
—  people need people // An Excerpt From A Book I’ll Never Write #22
You’re not alone.

Because I’m loving the positivity going around Tumblr right now, I want my friends and followers to know that I’m always here for you. If you’re not where you want to be in life right now, stay strong. You can do it. I know you can. Be the reason someone feels loved today. We live in a time where people are so focused on themselves, we forget that there are others around us that need help, too. It’s important to look out for yourself, but also keep in mind that an act of kindness, even a small one, can go a long way. If nobody has told you today, please know that you are loved.

anonymous asked:

prompt: andreil + emergency room visit

(this is a sequel to THIS ‘I think there’s someone in the house’ fic!)

The paramedics hammer on the door, and Neil looks up, teary-eyed, from where his face is pressed into Andrew’s damp hair. He’s feeling for his breath with the back of his hand, waiting moment to moment for Andrew to die in his arms, silently like he does everything else. Urgency keeps stunning Neil all over again, hysterical defibrillators. The EMT’s are calling out through the wall, muffled but calm.

It feels unthinkably wrong, their absolute evenness and ease outside his door when his life is an exposed neck and Andrew’s death is the whirring blade of a saw.

He realizes that he has to get up to let them in, and it seems as impossible as it would be for Andrew to spring up and answer the door himself. He feverishly wants them to crumple the door to splinters and be inside already. 

It’s a herculean effort to ease Andrew to the ground, like he’s gritting his teeth and cutting off his own leg. He touches Andrew’s clammy face briefly but he can’t bring himself to try and slap him awake. He props Andrew’s bare feet up on the rim of the bath so the blood will flood towards his head, at least.

He feels untethered to his body when he stands, a helium balloon with its usual weight passed out on the bathroom floor. He falls into the wall immediately, adrenaline neck and neck with exhaustion.

He finds his way to the front door without his mind’s help. His head is in the bathroom with Andrew, and he knows that no matter what happens it’ll be there for a long, long time.

The next time he blinks, a man in uniform is holding his biceps and peering down at him seriously.

“—sir? Sir, are you hurt at all?”

“No,” Neil says, lips numb. “Bathroom. He’s in the bathroom. He’s bleeding to death.”

He turns, easily slipping the paramedic’s grip. There’s a procession of them, hefting a gurney and a couple of kits, and they’ve brought all the cold from outside in on their heels. They’re such a foreign object in their warm, messy apartment — uniformed, official, and precise.

It’s deadly, walking in and seeing Andrew spread out in his boxers, blood oozing through his t-shirt from his loose stitches, pale enough to match the porcelain. Neil’s seen enough corpses to recognize what they look like. 

He falls heavily to his knees and puts his head directly to his chest, listening, tears slipping hotly over the bridge of his nose.

“Please,” he slurs. His heartbeat is a tentative thud, a knock from an unexpected guest. “Help him. Now, help him now.”

“We’re going to try our best Sir, but you’ve got to get out of the way,” someone says gently.

He topples backwards onto his hands. It’s a cramped space, and he knows it would be easier if he waited outside, but he also knows he’d rather die than leave them alone with him.

The first guy kneels down and takes Andrew’s pulse, and Neil shakes his head. They’re too slow, time is feeding directly into a wide open drain.

“He needs an IV. He’s two litres down, at least. You’ve got to—“ A petite woman puts a hand on his shoulder and he shrugs her off violently. “No! You have to listen to me.”

“We know what we’re doing,” she says. “Are you an MD?” She eyes him doubtfully, gaze flitting from his scars to where her colleagues are taking vitals and cutting through Andrew’s clothes.

“Yes,” Neil says wildly. “And he needs an IV. Possibly two. Large-bore, normal saline. He’s not getting any oxygen, and he’s been like this for as long as it took you to gather your meager response team.”

She purses her lips, but she’s a professional. He can see her repressing her anger and it infuriates him. He feels like he’s crashing, over and over again, and he’s watching someone daintily pump the breaks.

“He’s right,” one of the EMT’s says distractedly. “We’re gonna need to get some fluids started, he’s in hypovolemic shock, sats below 50.”

“You want to tell me what happened?” one of the men asks.

“No,” Neil says as evenly as he can manage, reaching out to graze Andrew’s cold fingers.

“Did you do these stitches?” the woman asks, pulling at Andrew’s skin to get a better look at them. He suddenly sees how they must look to them, sloppy and angry red. Neil bends her arm away without thinking about it.

“Don’t touch him,” he snaps. He could break her arm and it would make him feel better. He drops her, disoriented by his own violence.

“There’s no need to be antagonistic,” the first man says. “We don’t want to have to remove you.”

“You really don’t,” Neil agrees. “You won’t succeed.”

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