i need these help

help a poc trans kid get out of an abusive home

i feel like im always making donation posts but right now im in a really rough spot and i need as much help as i can get, even if you cant donate rbing this would make my day.

my name is koji im a minor under 17 & a survivor of child abuse as well as other things. recently i got into an argument with my mom where she basically was claiming she owned me forever and would never let me make my own choices till the day i die; she’d always joke around like this but after visits at the hospital for my health issues where the doctor explained after 14 i can decide if i wanted her in the room or not, she flipped out. basically the argument got too heated that she started wishing bad on my relationships with my friends and saying how she’d let anyone abuse / take advantage of me again if it meant i was crawling back to her for help in the end.

im currently still working on a plan of how im going to pull all of this off but id like to leave asap (even if its as early as some hours from now) bc i dont think i can stay in here for any longer. my boyfriend is asking his parents if theyd take me in & a few people have also offered for backup so finding a place to stay is covered. its just a matter of how im getting there

at this moment only have $50 in cash and $0.37 as my paypal balance. i need enough money at least for a bus ticket
(the cheapest ive found so far is $156)

my paypal email is kojibby@gmail.com
my paypal.me is /kojibos
my cash.me is /$kojibby

please even if you cant donate every rb would mean the world to me! thank you so much

does anyone else ever go through a thing that’s like. you pick a real person from your life. you start an imaginary back-and-forth with them. and it’s fine at first bc it’s a conversation you wanted to have anyway. but there’s a reason why you don’t and it’s because you know (or think? anyway) that it would turn into an argument

and it does! in your head! and suddenly you’re having this distressing imaginary fight with the inner voice that you assigned to person x and like you want to stop but you can’t!!!!!!!!!!! you keep coming back to it!!!!!!! like you gotta have the fake final word in this fake argument but you can’t have that final word bc your own head comes up with ways to undermine you and it gives you anxiety and you start losing an argument against your own actual thoughts and this all fucking started with something relatively innocuous like?? “yes dad!! i will watch homecoming with you but only if you promise you will give me a break from your whole playful tony stark-hating discourse that you already know hurts me even though i guess it’s just supposed to be casual and silly”

but then next thing you know you’re having to defend the fundamentals of your basic existence to the imaginary Father voice in your head like holy shit brain shut the FUCK UP

School starts very soon for me and I really need a new binder!! Mine is stretched and 2 years old

I’m opening super cheap commissions, nearly a third of my regular price so I can possibly reach my goal!! Prices are even negotiable so you can wiggle it around!

To give a gist of my prices:
Fullbody: Sketches are $3, full lines and color are $5, full lines and color with shading is $7
(ferals do not have thigh up prices) Thigh up: sketches are $2.50, full lines and color are $3.50, with shading is $5.50
Busts: Sketches are $2, full lines and color are $3, with shading $5

I beg of you to help me and commission me so I can have a new binder! I’m going to a party that will have a lot of people I know and that will be on Aug. 3rd so I would really prefer to reach my goal then! Though school starts a few weeks after that and that’s when I REALLY need to be at my goal

If you want to commission me, PLEASE send me a message or an ask!
>>>If you just want to be really sweet and donate, I’ll still give you a gift art piece!! My paypal email is davidstroodle5@gmail.com

My Sunday seven, aka, I promise I'm not complaining....

1. First of all, thank you to all of you who reached out and it and sent good karma for my post the other day. I apologize for complaining, as I know so many of you who are dealing with so much more BS than I am and it really is not very fair or cool of me to even mention it. But I love you all for reaching out, and believe me it is highly appreciated.

2. On Friday, I finally got in contact with an orthopedic Physicians office, and they will be contacting me tomorrow on a date for an appointment with them. This is great, because I need to get fixed… And I don’t mean snip-snip, no more Mommy Daddy button either! LOL so that in itself is absolutely awesome news.

3. Aaron and I played this weekend at the local Festival known as art walk, and it was a blast. We only played for an hour, and we might have had 20 people who actually sat on the bleachers and listen to us, but there were tons of people Milling around and tons of people who stopped and listened and moved on, but clapped at the end of songs. It was great to get Aaron back on the stage for the first time after he got sober, and I think it took a lot out of him to do it. He was super Brave about it, and I was grinning from ear-to-ear. During the beginning of one of the songs we covered, which is the Traveling Wilburys song called “Handle With Care”, I even made mention of the fact that it was great to have my best friend back onstage with me again. You know, we joke about stuff but he truly kind of is the Edge to my Bono. I’m the guy who thinks nothing of getting up in front of a crowd and singing and working a crowd, whereas he is the guy who kind of settled in behind his guitar and goes to work. It’s kind of funny, but it’s how I Dynamic is these days and probably always will be.

4. During the days performance, I might have also found us a drummer, or should I say someone who is more than willing to play drums for us. My friend Jacob is an outgoing, charismatic, nuttier than nutty commercial fisherman who also happens to be an immensely talented musician. He plays drums, he plays guitar, he sings, and he’s learning The craft. What’s great is that in my wanting to Corral him and put him into our orbit, as it were I have this vision of creating a band that is a bit like the eagles… And no, we’re not going to be that band that you turn off cuz you’re having kind of a rough night… LOL! What I mean to say is that Aaron has very much a Don Felder vibe going on, minus the ego. Jacob reminds me a lot of a singing drummer by the name of Don Henley, and that he’s very focused and is always working and looking two steps ahead. And then you have me, the songwriter, who is just as focused and is driven but is enough of a jackass that I’m fun that I could most definitely play the role of Glenn Frey in the band. Not that I’m comparing Us in town or musicianship to the Eagles, God no and never, but if that kind of rule. Now, if I could only find a another guitar player who is a little bit more like a reform Joe Walsh and a bass player who also sings like Timothy B schmit. A fella can dream, right?

5. So I got a whole bunch of offers over the weekend for paying gigs for this summer, which is absolutely great. It won’t make up the income gap for me not fishing, but it most certainly will help. And on top of all of this, we are having some great progress with the two big music festivals that I’m organizing out here in Westport and in Hoquiam later this summer. The one in Westport is definitely taking on a life of its own, as we are most likely going to be sponsored by a couple of very large surf companies, and some other very big names so that are artists performing can get a decent paycheck and have great exposure at the same time. I’ll keep you guys posted, it might be boring, but it also might be one hell of a ride.

6. So on a personal note, this week I’ve made and refashioned an idea for myself. I decided that part of my problem is that I need to go through a process more often than I am of rhe committing to my goals and dreams. Because I’ve come to the conclusion that it is not for lack of ability to do these things, but rather it’s that I don’t achieve them because I don’t recommit and honor the initial obligation to myself of following through with my ideas reaching their goal. Honestly, it’s not even the fact that I’m not following through, but rather the fact that I need to make sure that every day I make that commitment to myself. And maybe I’m wrong, but if I recommit to those goals for myself, I feel like I can Inspire others to reach their own goals, and within my own community we can reach our Collective goals together while helping each other up the ladder, as it were. For many years, I had a hard time committing to myself and to my goals because of a lack of self-worth. And while I sometimes still struggle with that lack of self-worth and self soothing and building my own ego from the feedback that I received from others, I know that it is important for all of us to sometimes sit back and say that we really truly do matter here and no matter how small of a contribution, it’s still a contribution. And those goals, whether they be lofty or just barely rising from where you are right now, are still important and necessary and just as amazing as other people’s goals. And in recommitting to myself, I feel like I honor those goals and those things about me that I truly do love and appreciate. I hope this makes sense, because I think it’s something that all of us do and maybe I’m just late to the bandwagon of figuring out that this is one of the ways that successful people succeed. And that we committing to one’s goals, and verbalizing and vocalizing that commitment everyday is super important to keeping your eyes on the prize as it were and keeping going. Does that even make sense?

7. And as this is the last of my Sunday 7 today, I would like to reiterate how much I appreciate all of you and what you do for myself and for each other as part of this community. When I said some of the things that I said this last week, and questioned myself looking out at all of you and the amazing things you’re doing, I hope that that did not come across as angry at you for being amazing, because that’s not what I meant. I really truly do enjoy seeing each and everyone of you do well, or start the walk back to the road to Wellness and a recommitment to the joy that is living. I just got a little bit sideways, and I just wanted to make sure tonight that all of you know how appreciative I am of everyone of you being supportive in my journey as a Fisher poet, as a singer-songwriter, as someone who is actively looking to become more healthy, and as a human being. Y'all make this planet spin just that much better, and you don’t even know it!

Have a great week!

The Chandrian as 7 Plants

For @heretherebebooks and @stealing-your-soda

Because the Chandrain clearly photosynthesize

1. Amaranth is immortality (Love lies bleeding-  Hopelessness)

2. Birdsfoot trefoil - revenge 

3. Cypress-  Death, mourning, despair, sorrow.

4. Hydranga-  Frigidness, heartlessness 

5. Lobelia-  Malevolence 

6. Marigold-  Pain and grief 

7. Thorn apple- Disguise 

is EVERYTHING in my kitchen expired