i need a silent night

I am a loner 
who has lost the ability 
to be alone

The silence used to
soothe me 
and now I am craving
whispered nothing’s,
innocent intimacies 


I just want someone 
who can be there 
to hold me,
instead of wrapping 
my arms around myself,
in a mockery 
of what I am seeking

—  this loneliness might kill me || O.L.

I want a relationship where when we argue, we actually talk it all out no matter how heated it gets. No, we’ll talk about it later, no shutdown, no walking away, just communication. Then in the end I get to tackle you down and we both lay there in light hearted giggles.

12 Days of Swan Queen - Carolling 

Emma frowns as she looks up from her fifth eggnog, “Ruby where did Regina go?” she asks as she feels the absence of her girlfriend who had seconds ago been clinging to her like a koala. So much for secrecy she thinks to herself knowing that there’s no denying their secret relationship any more. 

Ruby guides Emma’s hand away from the eggnog dish as she replies, “She poofed away murmuring something about your mother and carols?” 

Emma pales, “Oh no,” she whispers, “I’ve gotta go.” 

She poofs quickly and reappears in her mother’s apartment building in time to here Regina drunkenly slurring out ‘Silent Night.” 

“Silent night,” Regina sings before chuckling, “We’re not very silent though Snow.” 

“Regina are you okay?” Snow asks concernedly. 

Emma chuckles nervously as she walks over to Regina and steadies her girlfriend with her hand, “She’s alright, I think we just need to get you home don’t we Regina?” 

“Silent night, fucking Emma all night,” Regina sings, “Ooh I have another one!”

“No!” Emma and Snow shout at the same time before Snow turns to Emma, “We’ll talk about this in the morning.” 

“This isn’t how I expected you to find out,” Emma begins. 

“It’s not how I expected you to tell me,” Snow retorts. 

“What?” 

“Oh I’ve known for ages,” Snow tells her, “I just didn’t expect to find out via Christmas Carols.” 

Emma laughs nervously unsure as to how to respond before she hears Regina singing, “On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, her cumming by the Christmas tree.” 

“Oh god,” Emma replies, “I’m sorry Mom. We’re gonna go home and we’ll be back in the morning.”

Snow nods, “I’ll see you in the morning, perhaps tell Granny to put something other than just alcohol in the eggnog next time.” 

But an Aglionby high school reunion. Nobody is all that surprised when Gansey, Adam and Ronan arrive together because they always sort of suspected that squad was forever. They are surprised however by the ring on Adam’s finger. Ronan and Gansey go off to get something to eat and everybody just zooms in on Adam to ask where his other half is. 

And Adam rolls his eyes, sighs and says: “Over at the buffet table trying to stuff three different pieces of cake in his mouth.” 

I Need A Silent Night
Amy Grant
I Need A Silent Night

“To end this crazy day with a silent night." 

This practically summarizes my daily wish about this time of the year.  By November, I hear myself asking if I had signed up for the kind of frenzy I get entangled in, and 2011 is no special case.  Then my hand reaches out for the iPod click wheel to search for my favorite Christmas playlist, and my fingers find a particular track.

While I still enjoy a good old traditional carol, I admit finding solace in many contemporary Christmas tunes that mirror more closely how the holidays are celebrated these days.  One in particular, Amy Grant’s I NEED A SILENT NIGHT, resonates with my  disposition right now.

All right–we’re not even in the season of Advent yet; but heck, they’ve put up the Christmas tree in our office already.  So I can’t say this song isn’t fitting.  Let’s sing then…