i need a new blog i am embarrassed for who i am as a person

Fic Rec #3

New weekend, new fics to read!! 

the pink album by suspendrs  @suspendrs

They don’t really discuss how hard it is to be in this situation, or to be doing the things they have to do to continue being together. It’s just something they don’t talk about, and that’s alright. Or maybe it isn’t, but they’ll cross that bridge when they get to it.

Or, a love seven years in the making, inspired by Harry’s debut album.

**I have been keeping up with this fic for a long time and I will add it ti my ‘canon’ Larry fic rec. Read this, guys. 10 chapters on each of Harry’s songs.

if it’s me you’re looking for by eleadore @eleadore

Louis has a bad habit of getting drunk before he confesses–or maybe it’s the other way around. AU.

**I dunno why I waited so long to read this fic. It was great!

I Don’t Wanna Hurt Anymore by offwiththeirheads @hazzabooween

Harry walks a thin line between breaking his best friend’s heart and fighting a losing battle.

**This was so good guys! It is short but powerful!

Never Too Late by dimpled_halo  @dimpled-halo

Harry’s confused for a moment before it hits him: the little boy is signing. Harry squats down to get to the boy’s level again and mirrors the same action.

“Dad?” He inquires. Harry learned basic sign language after having met a fan who was deaf. He made it his mission to learn signing so that he’d be able to communicate with other fellow hearing impaired fans.

The little boy smiles brightly, his tears now long gone. He goes on to extend both hands, palms up as if he’s asking where? Followed by the previous sign which means Dad. Harry smiles to himself at the amazing little guy standing in front of him.

He stands up taking the boy’s hand, “Let’s go find your dad,” he tells him making the motion with his hand.

Just having come out of the closet and recovering from vocal surgery, famous recording artist Harry Styles needs to get away from LA to work on new music needing to prove to his label that his career isn’t over. Little does he know that his life is about to change forever when he runs into an old friend at the city he’s decided to escape to.

**THIS WAS SO PRECIOUS! OMG i AM IN LOVE WITH KID FICS AND THIS HITS THE SPOT!!! rEAD THIS!!

give me things to stay awake by embodied @crossnecklace

It’s shitty and it’s counterproductive and it’s self-indulgent, but he lets it become a thing. On Saturday nights Harry goes out and gets so pissed he can’t stand, and when the bartender cuts him off he rings Louis and is in his car within an hour. It’s not a cycle he’s proud of, but it’s also something he can’t resist, and he keeps doing it as long as Louis keeps showing up.

AU. It’s been a year since Louis broke up with Harry.

**This is a break up/getting back together fic. So be ready with those tissues (seriously, you will need them)!!

If It’s Meant To Be (It’ll Be, It’ll Be) by lululawrence @lululawrence

“So, anyway. I’m done here and on my way to the airport. I think I’m expected to be there in the morning, around ten. I’ll let you know when I’m getting close.”

“Sounds good.” Harry pulled back from the window and threw himself onto one of the beds. Once he got comfortable, he steeled himself and then went for it. “It’s been too long this time, Lou,” he finally whispered. He watched as Louis bit his lip and nodded slowly.

“I know,” Louis agreed, just as quiet in return. “We have to swear to never go this long without seeing each other again. Two months is just…unacceptable. I’m gonna go now, but I’ll see you soon. ‘Kay?”

“Yeah. See you. Be safe,” Harry said, far too fondly for his best friend. He couldn’t help it though. It was how he always had been and probably always would be.

They hung up and Harry threw his arm over his face.

“I am so in love with him,” he whined to himself. “Fuck.”

** This fic was so adorable, guys! MUTUAL PINING!!!

We’ll Be Seamless by waytoomanypeopleintheaddisonlee (dinosaursmate) @dinosaursmate

Green reblogged an old photo of himself. It was from back in October, a Halloween special. A pulse shot all the way through Louis because this photo was his absolute favourite, and it had taken the rest of the year for him to wean himself off of it.

Green was on his knees, arms stretched out in front of him with his fingertips digging into the surface of his bed. He was wearing a pair of cat ears on his head, his curls falling forward. His back was arched, and in the foreground of the picture, Green’s bum was high in the air, a long, black cat tail sitting neatly between his cheeks.

Louis spends all his spare time scrolling arty nude blogs on Tumblr but amongst them all, Green is his favourite.

**I dunno why I did not come across this fic before because it is GOLD! I love tumblr fics and this was so awesome!! (Also, check out the blog this fic is based on…life changing *cough*)

Like a Bullet in the Dark by Vurdoc  @vurdoc

Prince Harold Edward Styles Lancaster is second in line to the throne of Great Britain. He is also your average Uni student- or he tries to be, anyway.

With a promise from the press (and his father) that they’ll leave him alone for four years, he sets out to be a student at Cambridge, when he meets his very normal, very working class, very handsome suite-mate, Louis Tomlinson.

Louis makes Harry feel more like a person than he ever has before, which might cause some issues later on- ‘cause Harry has a secret that he’s only told his sister Gemma about.

Little does he know though, that Louis has some secrets of his own.

A Will & Kate Au- with a twist.

**This is sorta WIP because the author is writing a series. Saying too much about this fic will probably ruin it, so.. just read it!

Take Me To A Dream by waytoomanypeopleintheaddisonlee (dinosaursmate) @dinosaursmate

“Hiya,” Harry said, beaming up at him. “These sandwiches any good?”
Words failed Louis, and he felt his shoulders shrug. “They’re fine for, like, eating.”
Harry paused, mid-swipe of Louis’ staff discount card. “I don’t use my sandwiches for much else, personally.”
Louis sighed to himself, embarrassed. A small smile was playing on Harry’s lips, dimple denting his cheek. God, Louis felt like a bloody idiot.

There’s just something about the new checkout boy that makes Louis lose his cool and act like a complete idiot, which doesn’t escape the attention of Liam or Niall. As much as Louis hates embarrassing himself, there’s something about Harry that keeps Louis coming back for more.

**Erm… same author twice. But both fics are so different! This is FLUFF!!

i want you so much (but i hate your guts) by becauselarry (WIP) @obviouslybecauselarry

AU in which Louis gets accepted to play for the Manchester University Alpha-Beta Football Team. The only problem: Louis is actually an Omega. He is determined to make it big in the football world, though, and he can’t do that bound to an Omega team. With the help of a faked doctor’s certificate and some pretty strong suppressants he is ready to fight for his dream.

That Harry Styles (Alpha, second year and youngest football captain of the A-B team in ages) doesn’t seem to like him complicates matters, though.

**I know its WIP but its so good!! And ENEMIES TO LOVERS! Go and read it! 

i’m still learning to love by stylinsonau (WIP)

“Hello there.” Louis crouches in front of the small child, brunette with light sleepy eyes. He smiles fondly. He looks a lot like his father, but with a little less laugh lines, and frowns, and grumpiness.

The child continues to rub at his eyes, clutching at his little shark before he asks, “Are you gonna be my new Dada?”

Harry stiffens.

Or

An au where Harry has almost everything in the world except for the will to move on.

** ANother kid fic! Babysitter Louis! 


I wanna rec so much more. But its getting pretty long. And DON’T FORGET TO LEAVE A KUDOS AND NICE COMMENTS FOR THE AUTHORS!! 

Happy Reading!!!!!!!!

Hey, Bucky

Requested By Anon

Pairings: Bucky x Reader


Coulson has created a chatroom.

Coulson has named the chat: Fanclub Meeting (LOKI IS NOT ALLOWED)

Coulson has added Scott.

Scott: COULSOOOOOON

Coulson: SCOOOOOTT

Coulson: Do you think you can get Cap to sign my hand for me?

Scott: Sure! Will you be stopping by at the base or will you be shipping your hand over?

Coulson: And miss a chance of seeing the Captain?! I’ll be coming over!

Scott: Are we going to get new members? I enjoy our fanclub but we need more members…

Coulson: I was thinking Tony would make a great addition to the club.

Scott: I would think Bucky would make a great addition? Since he’s the original Captain America fanboy.

Clint has joined the chat.

Clint: GUESS WHAT I JUST SAW

Clint: what

Clint: what the hell is this

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hi!! Can you write a jealous blackhat?? Like, his wife meets his counterpart, Whitehat, and WH makes her swoon and blush and BH gets jealous and overprotective of her? And she teases him about. Please and thank you!! You can ignore this if its complicated.

JEALOUS

Black Hat xWife! Reader (Also White Hat appears…)

A/N: Kay so this isn’t my normal semi-in universe Reader insert as it includes White Hat from the AU, but it was super fun! Black Hat is pretty OOC sometimes, but once again, AU and its a reader insert so…gotta suspend your disbelief a little bit. ((I am saying this more for myself…I have to say this a lot. I am so critical of how I write the crew sometimes X)&))

.


Black Hat looked at himself in the mirror with an evil grin, then he looked to you. Oh how he enjoyed having you for his own. The marriage was a good idea, more than good if he were to be honest. Together, you two would take over the world a hundred times over. He could hardly contain himself.

So he didn’t.

Black Hat came up from behind you and began kissing your neck, running his sharp teeth along your tender skin. You chuckled and half attempted to escape his affection, blushing. The soft grazing of his teeth tickled. Black Hat pulled you closer, amused at your struggles.

“Don’t try to run, my dear.” He hummed, finally releasing you. You rolled your eyes and readjusted your necklace. The necklace Black Hat stole for you when you agreed to marry him. You didn’t truly have much of a say in the matter, but even if you did, you still would have said yes.

Tonight, Black Hat was taking you with him to a party in the center of Hatsville. He enjoyed showing you off whenever the opportunity presented itself.

You didn’t know who would be at this party, so as the two of you arrived you stayed close to your husband. Flug and Demencia accompanied you as well, but 5.0.5 stayed home on Black Hat’s command. The last thing he needed was his reputation tarnished further by that goody-goody bear. No one argued with him.

The party nearly stopped when the members of Black Hat Inc walked in. You were notorious criminals, but you weren’t the only ones there. Other criminals from surrounding cities mingled in with the crowd. Black Hat and Demencia smirked, but you and Flug were rendered a bit uncomfortable by the attention.

Pretty soon Flug and Demencia were gone, the former having chased after the latter to make sure she didn’t destroy or kill anything too important. You stayed near Black Hat as he mingled with the other villains at the party, talking about business and the success of Black Hat’s products against the heroes in their cities.

You were quiet enjoying yourself, even joking along with everyone else. At one point you saw one of your friends with whom you used to rob banks and museums, now the fiancé of a villain in New York. You two took a moment to catch up, before being swept away once again by the party.

Things were going well and Black Hat also felt pleased with how the party was going. That is until…

“Black Hat?!” Came an all too enthusiastic and kind voice through the crowd. You felt your husband tense up next to you. He turned around slowly.

“White Hat…” Black Hat scowled. You turned and almost chuckled at what you saw.

The man before you looked very much like your husband, but with a much more…heroic looking color pallet. His hat, coat, pants, and tie were all a bright white, just like his teeth which shined as he smiled at the two of you. Where your husband would wear red of varying shades, this man did the same with blue. His vest was gray, but much lighter than anything Black Hat would ever wear.

“It’s so good to see you!” White Hat smiled, hugging your husband, who simply clenched up. You were surprised at how foreword this man was, no one ever approached Black Hat that way.

“I’m sure it is.” Black Hat responded, dusting himself off after such a disgusting display of affection.

“And who is this lovely creature?” White Hat asked turning his gaze to you. You blushed slightly at the compliment. Black Hat noticed.

“I am y/n.” You smiled, “I’m this grump’s wife.”

“Ah…what a beautiful name for a beautiful person.” White Hat said, taking your hand and placing a kiss there. Your blush grew darker. Black Hat rolled his eyes.

“Thank you Se-”

“White Hat! Forgive me for not introducing myself.” The tall man smiled at you.

“It is no trouble.” You replied. Looking to your more than annoyed husband.

“However, I am curious as to how you know my husband.” You smiled, watching Black Hat’s reaction, “Please tell me more.”

“Oh! Well sure!” And with that White Hat began telling you of adventures and confrontations from years before, taking every opportunity to recall some embarrassing story that made you blush and Black Hat even more flustered. He wrapped a hand possessively around your waist as his counterpart talked.

“And well a few years later, I saw this gentleman a-”

“Alright, I’ve had enough!” Black Hat exclaimed, grabbing your hand, “Come y/n, we have business to attend to before we leave. Where are Flug and Demencia?”

A crashing sound in the distance answered that question before you could. You sort of chuckled as Black Hat pulled you away from his suave counterpart, who offered his goodbyes to your turned backs.

The ride home was rather amusing with Demencia drunk, Flug trying to steady her and your husband keeping one protective arm around you at all times. Following the meeting with White Hat, he hadn’t let go of you for a moment and this pattern continued all the way to the manor.

He pushed you into your room and kissed you roughly, one might even say passionately.

“Someone’s jealous.” You mused when he finally released you.

“I am not!” Black Hat replied, “I just could stand having something so beautiful a-”

“White Hat got under your skin.” You teased, cutting off his sentence.

“Ha! Like I would ever feel threatened by that idiot!”

Black Hat turned and sat on your bed. You chuckled softly and sat next to him.

“Hmm…Too bad.” You said leaning your head on his shoulder, “I thought it was kind of…cute. Sexy even.”

For a moment Black Hat froze, then he looked down at you with malicious, lustful eyes. He kissed you once again, in the most loving way possible…

of written feelings and words with meaning

Summary: Recently, Dan’s become addicted to this writing blog. He’s so addicted to it in fact, that he might as well be in love with it. The writer seems to say exactly how it feels and he finds himself wishing he had someone who was so deeply in love with him to write for him like that. Little does he know that there is already someone doing that and he’s closer than he thought.

Phil, on the other hand, has his own feelings and secrets to keep.

Excerpt:  For he was more than happy to stand at the shore, watching the tide roll than to submerge himself into the water, get whisked away by the waves, and before he knew it, he’d be too lost to find his way back.

Words: 5k+

Genre: Fluff, Angst (??)

A/N: FOUR DAYS. THIS TOOK ME FOUR DAYS. Anyyas, this was a whole lot of fun to write and I guess this is my year-end gift as well as my HOLY SHIT GUYS THANKS FOR 1.4K YA’LL ARE AMAZING GIFT.


“his laugh was a work of magic
filling my lungs with fresh air
he brought colour to a life so tragic
and held a heart with utmost care

yet he was a hero who didn’t know he was one
a knight saving people he couldn’t see
i would gladly give him the sun
even if he wouldn’t know it was me

oh what a cruel god rules my life
i write for a man who doesn’t know
and despite it, i hold unto the knife
cause i’ve planted a seed that has grown

so, i sit back and watch him live
because many say we met through fate
and bit by bit my heart i give
although i won’t get it back, ‘till kingdom come i’ll wait”


Dan’s eyes were focused on the addicting blue of the screen (he could think of a blue that looked much better than that), scrolling mindlessly, occasionally breathing out through his nose as a desperate attempt of a laugh when he came across the poem. With text posts, he’d normally read it then just scroll on. However, this one managed to hold him captive, a whisper of his mind told him to pay it more attention.

And so he did.

The brunet clicked on the poem’s original poster. Immediately, he was greeted by a monochrome theme with the title Words Written with Feeling in Search of a Meaning and he must admit, it took a while for his sleep-deprived mind to understand it.

For hours, Dan read this writer’s words. From what he could gather, the writer was a man and most of what he’s written was so tragically beautiful. His way with words was astonishing. They made you feel as if you were the one who felt his emotions.

Granted, most of his writing was in first person but despite that, the way he described his thoughts danced on the line of vague and descriptive. It was symbolic. His words made you think of their meaning enough to get a grasp on the complications that were his feelings.

Besides, he found it ironic that the blog was monochrome for the words of the writer were so colourful. Iridescent hues lacing between the curves of every letter. Splashes of colour highlighting every word.

Keep reading

Impatient

Originally posted by commandtrek

Requested: By myself

Pairings: Leonard McCoy/Bones x Reader

Warnings: A bit of a suggestive ending, but even that is pushing it a bit…

Word Count: 1,059

Summary: Y/N is Bones’ long time girlfriend, except no one on the team has been told yet. When she goes to meet him once the Enterprise is at base, there is a bit of confusion.

A/N: I am really, really happy with this one, and I hope that you guys like it too! Star Trek is one of my favorite franchises of all time, and I am so happy to be able to contribute to such a great fandom on my blog. Feel free to send any requests (Star Trek, or anything else) to my askbox!

You couldn’t believe that the day was finally here. When you had said goodbye to him, you knew that it would be hard to go months without seeing him, but you hadn’t expected it to be so devastating. You were lonely without him. You missed his strong arms around you, you missed his voice, calming you, comforting you when you had a hard day. You missed waking up next to him, day in and day out.

But all of that didn’t matter anymore. Because Leonard McCoy was back, and you were going to hold him in your arms and never let him go again. Well, that is until he had to go back into the cold, unforgiving entity that was space. But that didn’t matter right now. What matters right now is that in a few minutes, your best friend and the love of your life would be in your arms. At least, you had thought that for the better part of an hour.

You were tapping your foot anxiously, glancing at the hallway. You knew that there was a reason that he was running late. The ship might have been delayed while boarding, or someone might have needed medical attention before he could get off of the Enterprise. You tried to comfort yourself with small things that could have kept him, but all of the times that trouble had managed to find him made you doubt that he was fine.

After all of the awful situations that he and the crew had gotten into over the years, the possibility of him getting hurt was always very real for you. You took a deep breath, and stood up, telling yourself that it would be okay if you allowed yourself to pace just a bit.

You could tell that you were starting to worry some people around you when an elderly couple came over and offered you a tissue for the tear that had leaked out of your eye without you realizing what had happened. You thanked her, quickly wiping it away before glancing at the hallway.

You couldn’t help the grin that broke out on your face when you saw a group of crew members making their way towards the atrium. You could barely keep yourself from sprinting towards him. Thankfully, there were a lot of people milling around in the open space. Although you were happy that the new base was successful, you could only wish that they were not standing directly in your path.

You tried to maneuver around the as politely as you could. You were a bit embarrassed to admit it, but you were starting to get frustrated. “Lenny!” you shout, hoping that people might clear the way if they realized what was going on. Thankfully, the people around you seemed to get the message, trying to move out of the way.

The minute that Leonard laid eyes on you, his face broke into your favorite smile in the entire world. You tried to control yourself, but after a few steps you broke out into an honest-to-goodness sprint. Leonard simply shook his head and opened his arms.

You grinned as you launched yourself into his arms, finally feeling whole again as his arms encircled your waist. You threw your arms around his neck, stroking the nape of his neck where his hair ended.

“I missed you.” you said quietly, fighting back happy tears, dreading the moment when you had to let him go. You knew that it was going to happen sooner than you wanted it to.

“I know darlin’,” he said quietly, taking a deep breath, savoring the moment.

Entirely too soon, you felt him pulling away. As much as you hated to admit it, you were glad that he pulled away, because you could have stayed in his arms for the rest of eternity.

“Well, who might this be?” the man you knew as James Kirk asked, leaning forward with a smirk plastered on his face.

“This is my girlfriend, Y/N,” he said, wrapping an arm around your waist, wanting to keep you close.

“What do you mean your girlfriend?” Kirk asked, seeming to come from a genuinely confused place, rather than a hateful place.

“I don’t see what was so hard to understand,” Leonard replied. You could hear the sarcasm in his voice. You weren’t surprised that he hadn’t told anyone about you. You had hardly told your best friend that you were dating. With him being gone for so long, the two of you never knew what was going to happen. But the two of you loved each other, and that was enough.

“I can understand Jim’s confusion, if I may interject,” Mr. Spock said, glancing between the two of you. “While you are a private person, a significant other is something that is a very large secret to come from your crewmates and friends.”

“Well, Mr. Spock, I don’t know what to tell you.” While Leonard sounded calm, you could see him clenching his jaw. His arm was tightening around your waist.

“I have to agree,” Uhura said, stepping up beside Spock. Now, he was angry.

You could feel the anger rolling off of him in waves. As much as you appreciated him standing up for your relationship, whatever it was, you didn’t want to waste time on him explaining everything to his friends.

You rolled your eyes, grabbing Leonard’s collar and capturing his lips with your own. you could feel his surprise melt away, before responding in earnest. You had to force yourself to pull away, holding in a laugh at the bewildered look on his face.

“My name is Y/N Y/L/N, Leonard is my boyfriend, and if you will excuse us, we have a lot of catching up to do,” you said, taking Leonard by the hand and turning towards the room that you had acquired while staying on the base.

You allowed yourself a small smile after you turned your back to the group and heard Uhura say, “I like her,” before the group dispersed, each going their separate ways.

“That was a bit dramatic,” Leonard said, glancing down at you.

“What can I say, they were taking entirely too long, and we have a lot to fit into a small window of time,” you said with a grin, before pulling him into the bedroom, locking the door behind you.

How Critical Role Has Truly Affected Me

I apologize for this being long but I need to say it.

After watching the campaign wrap-up, especially the closing remarks from Matt, I felt the need to write about what an experience watching Critical Role has been for me.

I tend to get into these phases, like most people do, where I latch on to something for a while and then it kind of flits away. Interests change, passions may change, but I feel very different about Critical Role, and I think it’s because I’m a creator, a writer, a storyteller. Falling in love with gaming lead me to falling in love with the voice actors who brought them to life which lead me to finding and falling in love with this silly little livestream where we can watch adults play make-believe in the world of Dungeons and Dragons.

A few years ago, I would never have batted an eye towards the idea of playing. Yet now here I am ravenously looking for a campaign to either start or join, creating characters, scrapping them, starting over and creating their backstories. How beautiful is that? I am not the only one who has been affected by this, but thousands of others. That, in and of itself, is beautiful.

My whole life I have been writing. It went from a love of strictly fiction that eventually stemmed into prose, poetry, and essays; things I can relate back to real-life events. But the truth is for years I was in this deep rut where I would start and never finish. Only now have I started to climb out of it. Granted, I’m almost nineteen, so when I say in middle school I stopped writing because I was told I would never get anywhere with it, that may sound a little ridiculous. But the truth of the matter is that I wasn’t finding the inspirations and momentum to keep writing.

I would say Critical Role came into my life about a year ago. I’d seen clips here and there floating around. Two of my close friends had showed me some scenes, art, and when I realized Laura, Travis, and Ashley were in whatever this was, I said “Alright, that’s enough convincing for me. I need to watch this show.” Lo and behold I was introduced to five other incredible actors who made me completely change how I saw this game that, growing up, I thought was just for the boys and outcasts, I won’t lie to you there.

I won’t go into detail about what each actor and character has done to affect and inspire me, but I will say this; I have become a better storyteller, a better writer, and quite honestly a better person, because of this show. Critical Role is my little pocket of happiness. I’m writing thoroughly and opening new doors when it comes to fiction because of this show. 

I’ve always been embarrassed about my passions and interests but for the first time ever I said “fuck it” and embraced it instead of trying to chase it off. My family’s come to recognize the love I have for it, friends have as well but it makes me happy.

This community has welcomed me with open arms, starting off with the gaming community, and I am so happy to be accepted as me. I write for this community, I’ve started a happy little side-blog called @blurrycriticalroleposts that is a mess and in my eyes wonderful with two incredible girls who I’ve grown so close to and fond of.

I am a better person and writer and storyteller because of this show, and I don’t want to beat around the bush about it.

In the wrap-up tonight Matt said something along the lines of “I’m a thirty-five year old man who for years was trying to make something of himself,” and it struck me. I’m doing the same exact thing, and I’ve decided on going for it.

I just want to say thank you to the cast, crew, and community that is Critical Role. It has brought me so much joy, and I was inspired tonight to share my thoughts with all of you.

So, with all the love, I’ll see you on January 11th for the next campaign.

Ally

 A writer. A creator. A storyteller. A fan.  

one year.

yesterday was the one year anniversary of this tumblr, so i figured i should make a post about it to reflect on the past year and explain my plan for the next.

before i made calligr4phy i had another blog for around three years. it wasn’t particularly themed, i just posted a bit of anything i wanted. i had accumulated around 600 or so followers over 3 years and a handful of good friends. i deleted it in an impulsive mood, mainly because i was in a shaky state of mind and going on tumblr, only to be reminded of certain people i didn’t want to think about, made me feel sick and unhappy. it was liberating and terrifying because blogging had warped its way into my identity, to an almost unhealthy extent where i was oversharing wayyy too much. this was a needed change.

so, i resolved to put myself back on track by creating a studyblr. i’d had one during gcses which did gain a couple of followers but for whatever reason it’s gone now (i don’t actually remember deleting it?!). i went through a couple of ideas for urls before i settled on this one - i knew i wanted a one-word url because my old handle was difficult to remember. (looking back my introductory post is a little embarrassing as i misspelled it as “calligr4py”, whoops.) i started reblogging and posting study-related things and i quickly gained followers in my first few weeks - i have no idea why! i was extremely fortunate to gain traction, though, and i’m so grateful to everyone who supported me in the early days, as well as newcomers to the blog. at the end of 2017, 366 days after creating this blog, i am almost at ten thousand followers, which i could have NEVER imagined in the beginning. thank you, truly. you believed in me way more than i did!

so, what went well?

  • i’ve made so many amazing friends this year through the studyblr community, purely by either reaching out or by them talking to me. i’d like to throw a special mention to @jasperstudies for adding me to their lgbt studyblr group discord, which has been a wonderful network of friends and support in recent months.
  • i’ve also been able to engage in my preferred subject areas (lingustics and classics) far more by following blogs just as and even more enthusiastic than myself.
  • in february of this year i started my own bullet journal! i’d tried this before but i wasn’t quite able to stay consistent with it, however, i’m proud to say i’ve continued to use my bujo all year, spare a couple of weeks on holiday. it’s helped me to become far more organised - anyone who knows me behind the screen knows how easily i can forget things - and my friends always comment on my pretty spreads. i guess i chose my url well 🤷‍♀️
  • my organisation of work overall has improved - my school folders are easy to navigate and i have a clearer idea of how to achieve what i want.
  • i have learned to tailor my techniques in order to achieve these goals, whether that be tackling homework or studying for exams in general. (all hail quizlet)

this is also an opportunity for me to thank every single one of you who has submitted asks or messages to tell me how much they like my blog or that it has helped you in some way. sometimes i feel like i’m not particularly contributing anything valuable, but any and all feedback i get from you is always read and ALWAYS appreciated.

were there things i could have improved on? oh, absolutely. in hindsight, i really feel i could have posted more of my own personal content, even if it was just a few photos or answering more asks. this is something i’m eager to work on in the coming year. i also want to give back to you lot. i feel like quite often i’ve tried this and it’s fallen flat on its face either due to mental health wobbles, other obstacles in my daily life or general lack of experience on my part. by this point i am more aware of my capabilities and, again, this is something i want to improve in 2018. please feel free to help me with this - if i haven’t yet posted something i said i would or answered your ask, please do give me a poke! sometimes things slip my mind and i just need a gentle reminder.

what about 2018, then? well, first of all, here’s the news i keep hinting at - i’m going to be rebranding. “what, cal? you aren’t giving up studyblr, are you?” no, absolutely not! i still want to post and reblog study content. however, don’t be surprised if you see a few tweaks happening. i’m talking new url, new theme, and i’m planning to broaden out to other platforms, including youtube. there will be a further post explaining this when the time comes, but i hope you’re just as excited to follow me on this journey as i am to start it. wow, that was cheesy, wasn’t it? ah well. sometimes it can’t be helped.

one last thing - i am not perfect. i am not to be emulated. i am still learning to be better at what i do and i can ALWAYS take constructive advice on how to do that. there is often a mask over what you see in the studyblr community, and we are not all pretty mildliners and finished to-do lists. a lot of the time, we are messy. we are stressed. we are demotivated. but we are all trying. so, yes, take what you see with a pinch of salt.

okay, let’s wrap this up. thank you, 2017. and thanks to the tumblr user reading this (i’m going to regret quoting that meme in a year’s time). let’s go into 2018 with the mindset that we are making the future, so we should make it a good one.

- cal 💖

Hey Again, Guys!

As I told you previously on this post:

https://writings-by-cl.tumblr.com/post/168116788001/admincl-hello-guys-how-are-you-i-hope

I am currently on hiatus. What does this mean? I received some concerned inquires that I’ll quickly address, worry not!

➡️ What is an hiatus?

✅ A hiatus is a period of time content creators aren’t active. It can be because of lot of reasons, like: people need to rest, take care of their health, they need a break, they’re busy, focus on their on lives instead of tumblr, or they simply don’t want to create anything, etc.

➡️ Is everything alright? Why did you take an hiatus?

✅ Yes! Thank you for your concern, I’m touched to see a lot of you still care and that I have amazing friends, mutuals and followers! Don’t worry, I am fine, I’m simply tired and with a lot of things going on in my life that I need to prioritize. In my country, the end of the year matches with the end of the semester, and I study for many things. My mind is focused on studying, so in my spare time I don’t feel like writing. I feel like resting.

➡️ Will you be posting or updating your stories? Will you be writing?

❎ No, at first, there won’t be new posts, except for posts explaining the situation (such as this one) and I won’t be posting or updating my stories. If I feel the need to post something on the way, I will, though. This goes to all and any of my blogs, @admincl @smutfictionaddicted @writings-by-cl @kpopthirstaddicted @aestheticthirstaddicted

❓I don’t know if I’ll be writing during the hiatus. It will depend on inspiration, time, etc. but I’m not closed to the possibility. I’m just not going to force myself.

➡️ I just followed you and I am confused. Who are you, why so many blogs?

✅ It’s okay, sometimes it’s even confusing to me. My name is CL, I’m Brazilian, 91 liner, I’m a fanfic writer (mainly kpop). I’ve been on tumblr for a lot of years on my personal account, but I started my first fanfic blog in June 2016 @smutfictionaddicted. Seeing that I didn’t want to keep it clogged with pictures and gifs, I created @kpopthirstaddicted and I occasionally make stuff there too like moodboards or edits (they aren’t very good though). And @aestheticthirstaddicted is for Moodboard materials, because I enjoy making them for my stories with elements that connect to the plot. I’m not an expert and there are a lot of better people than me at it, but I like to make them.

The time passed, I met wonderful people, gained amazing readers and followers and I wrote a good number of stories. However, by the beginning of 2017 I was feeling overwhelmed. My decision to create the Fat Fiction Series, meaning stories with fat protagonists and ocs http://smutfictionaddicted.tumblr.com/post/156537931941/fat-fiction-series-mini-masterlist , was getting strong negative feedback (mostly from people who didn’t understand what I was doing and thinking I was glorifying obesity) and I was receiving a lot of anon hate for it (I still do to be honest). I was extremely sad. My intention was to give the spotlight to this neglected group of people that, like myself, can’t relate with some stories or because we don’t feel represented. It was also during that time that I realized that many people saw me as a strictly smut writer and I was feeling stigmatized. Yes, my blog’s name is Smut Fiction Addicted, but it doesn’t mean I don’t write other genres. I was pressuring myself to write smut in the plots even if I didn’t feel like it.

So, after much consideration, I created @writings-by-cl and as the name suggests I was free to write anything I wanted there. I started blocking anon hate and the ones that I chose to answer ever since were because they were too out of line or because they need an answer to serve as an example.

And this blog here? Well, this is the main blog that controls all the others, they’re all secondary blogs. I used to use my personal tumblr for it, but it is linked to my personal life, so I made the transfer to @admincl so I can comment, send asks and talk to you freely. Here I reblog about writing writing, sometimes my personal opinion on stuff when asked and I play tumblr games. The chat is always open on this account. @smutfictionaddicted still exists because it has the most followers, it is more known, and most my stories are there. I won’t erase it, it’s part of who I am and it’s still open because I still post there… Mainly things about sexuality (if you have an embarrassing question, you can send me there on anon, I’ll do my best to help you and if I don’t know, I’ll research), body positivity and motivation. So yeah, it’s a lot to process and very confusing, I apologize for you that are new.

When I come back from hiatus, I’ll be very glad to answer any questions you have. Until then, if it’s something urgent, talk to me on chat. Or ask one of my friends, I will give a list below.

➡️ When do you plan on coming back from hiatus?

❓ The honest answer is I don’t know. But my plan is to give myself a break and only start thinking about coming back sometime next year.

➡️ I will unfollow you if you keep on hiatus for too long!

🆗 I will be genuinely sad, but I respect your decision. However, I can’t compromise my personal time and mental health because of something like follower count.

➡️ To all the sweet, supportive messages that I’ve got and that touched me deeply:

✅ THANK YOU SO MUCH! You guys are amazing and when I come back, I will personally thank each and every one of you!

✳️ I’m not here but a lot of good people are. I have a fic rec list, I always talk about amazing writers in here as well. But my good personal friends might help you on my absence, with stories and some with questions: @chanyeolspout @k-p-p-d @pennedblackfics and the blog that used to be @everybodykpops that I still didn’t memorize her new url I’m sorry! @whyyoutrynaflexandyourfashionoff hehe

✳️ If you need to reach me, go for my chat. If it’s urgent, ask my friends or ask for my kakao id in my chat and we can talk freely there.

- With a grateful heart and lots and lots of love from mobile, 🆑💋

@the anon who has been sending @d–oki all these messages about me ‘reblogging my own caps’, let me make one thing clear. Never in my life have I reblogged anything of mine. I would’ve ended this here but you apparently sent two messages to her (this and this) and it pisses me off so fucking much to see this. it’s embarrassing and humiliating, and it’s hurting my pride and I’m unfortunately a very prideful person. I don’t care if I sound like an asshole rn, cuz I am and Im going to stick up for myself before anyone actually misinterprets this. plus im glad Lyric is so understanding and she handled it so well so screw you for trying to tarnish my name because I’ve got wonderful people around me, and everything she said was so genuine and true and there is no reason for me to write this post except for the fact that I am a disgustingly prideful being and I do not like the idea of being mistaken.

Keep reading

Dear @bored-wizard

Hi!
I don’t know you but I spent multiple days through your feed to try to. Most times I couldn’t resist reblogging the content on your blog. I was trying to find something you posted, your words and feelings, but I guess all those reblogs were a representation of the same.

Now on the basis of that major assumption (I’m sorry, I don’t like assuming but I don’t know how else to have been your secret santa, and if I am wrong about any of these things, please know I meant well)

Here a few things I want to tell you

1. You’re not too much. The person saying that or making you feel that way is too little. They can’t handle how much of a person you are. That’s not something you have to worry about. That’s the last thing you should worry about.

2. I hope 2018 turns out to be a year where you can look things in the eye; good and bad.

3. For the first time, in words, I read the clear distinction between sympathy, empathy and compassion. I used to always think that empathy is what we need. But now after going through your blog, I understand that it’s compassion. I hope that’s what you receive.

4. I don’t think ‘fuck off’ is exactly an emotion but it might as well be. Growing up, I used to love saying it because I knew I wasn’t supposed to. Then, when I actually grew up, I stopped saying it for the most part. But I think this year I learned how important it is and the post on your blog made me realize that I had learned it.

Feeling that could do us good in so many ways. Not having to explain things to people. Not letting their words affect us. And stuff like that. It’s not an emotion but it’s strong and sometimes, I think it is the key to living life on your own terms.

I wish you can feel it more often. I wish you can live a life you genuinely want to.

5. Your original post that I came across,
“Stay true to yourself through life and you shall have no regrets
-A healing mind”
THAT IS WHAT I STRONGLY BELIEVE IN. To thine ownself be true. It’s better to be hated for who you are than to be liked for who you’re not. And like a 1000 other sayings saying the exact same thing. I’m still working on that. And I’m still healing too.

I hope 2018 and forward, it gets easier. And it gets better. And we can remove some of the band aids and find that there aren’t any scars left behind.

6. “If you see something beautiful in someone, speak it”
Because I strongly agree with that, I’ll tell you this - I don’t know you, but going through your blog I want to. You seem like this person who knows that living is hurting and living is healing and that both of those things are okay. And sometimes they are not. But that’s okay too. And that sort of acceptance, and that sort of resilience, that’s beautiful.

Merry Winter ❤
and
A Happy Life  ❤

I always thought that it was sucky to be the kind of person I am. Emotional, expressive, trying to be true to myself and having the ability to understand everyone’s point of view. Not because these are bad things but because I thought I was the only one. Of course, that was a silly thought.

Over the last couple of years I’ve come across similar people. I think you’re one of them too. And because by now I have met/came across so many people having these traits too, including you, I think I am going to be okay. I think we’re going to be okay.

-Done with my assumptions-

Here goes a generic but a genuine wish:

Whoever you are, I hope you can forgive yourself for everything that didn’t go right in 2017 or in any previous year. For all the goals you couldn’t achieve and for all the resolutions you couldn’t keep. For moments that you couldn’t stand up or speak up for yourself or when you found yourself in embarrassing situations.

I know most of us are already trying to forgive a long list of people but I believe, just as charity begins at home, so does forgiveness.

Love,
Nikki

anonymous asked:

Yall nctzens need to chill the fuck out. You all are comparing nct to bts, but like?? Nct could never and will never be as talented or successful as bts. Nct could never live up to being like the legends bts

uh….What?When?How?Where?   FIRST OF ALL…our blog is practically ded these days because we Admins are busy with our studies so we DIDN’T POST ANYTHING RELATED TO NCT LET ALONE BTS -_-

And also, I am done with ARMYs like you who are bringing BTS everywhere.I actually feel bad for the chill ARMYs….like, why can’t you be like them? I mean take an example of TVXQ’s fandom, Suju’s or EXO-Ls.They are way bigger compared to BTS but people think of them as small just because we don’t butt in everywhere and comment in every youtuber’s comment section about them. Everything has a limit and you all are just crossing the word ‘limit’ in your dictionaries. I am no one over here to disrespect BTS so please don’t come at me for dissing BTS because I didn’t say anything related to BTS whom I personally admire and respect a lot. [P.S I AM VERY HAPPY THAT THEY ARE GETTING INTERNATIONAL FAME :”) ] My point over here is that, your fandom isn’t that new…it’s been years since BTS debuted so its time to become mature.Support them, Love them but within limits and PLEASE respect other people as well.

And besides, you never know when a band falls.Fame comes and goes. After a few years, there will be a new band which will take the top place and that’s how life is. D E A L WITH IT!

Side note: I am not talking about all ARMYS cuz my friends are ARMYS too and there are many mature and amazing fans of BTS who feel embarrassed because of these immature ARMYs. So please, save their dignity as well as yours.

-Admin Yuni

Thank you so much for the tag @artistic-frc-9! It was great to get to know you better too, and I love doing these (p.s. we have heaps in common! 😊 ) 

Name: Priyanka but everyone calls me Pri 
Gender: Female
Sign: Gemini
Height: 5’4”
Sexuality: Straight
Favorite Animal: Isn’t it obvious? 🐢 🐢 🐢  
Dream Trip: New York City for like 3 months! I have also been there like 3 times in the past but I just love love love it. 
Dream Job: Masterchef Judge/Celebrity food critic 😆
When and Why I made my blog: July 17 - I needed the emotional support after Livvy.
Followers: hmmm 
Reasons for my url name: fandoms are my little hidey nook and I love turtles…lame but thats the truth of it
Favorite music band: changes constantly, and I have a very wide music tastes, but my favourite songwriter is the Lin Manuel Miranda - everything he touches is gold. 
Tattoos: Nope, I can’t decide on anything I feel that strongly about yet  
Favorite emoji: 😁

1. Would you rather be exceedingly rich but unhappy, famous but somehow with little money, or happy and wealthy but in ill health? Oh geez with this question, there are so many variables, am I rich and unhappy but able to get happy by like, you know, checking my tumblr? Do I have little money but am just about to inherit a giant fortune or win a game show? I am in ill health for like a week with a cold? 😁 
2. Do you have any piercings that are not in your ear lobes? I had a belly button piercing…it didn’t go well 😑
3. What kind of exercise do you do/sports do you play? I play netball and swim 
4. Can you sing well enough that you wouldn’t be booed off a karaoke stage? I think I can! But i’m pretty sure no one with their hearing intact will agree.
5. Can you cook any meal from scratch? Yes I love cooking! It’s my stress release. Whenever anything bad happens in my life, I find myself at home baking as a release. 
6. Describe in 5 words the last person you had a serious crush on (even if it’s your partner!). Strong, Gentle, Kind, Selfless, Painter. (I’m pretty sure everyone knows exactly who I’m describing) 
7. Android or iPhone? My bastard iPhone died (with all my photos 😭) so using Google Pixel now
8. Have you ever broken a bone? No surprisingly 
9. What’s that one song you can listen to an embarrassing number of times in a row? Why do you listen to it on repeat (does it pump you up, mellow you out, make you smile, remind you of someone, you just effing love it, etc etc)? Hahaha. There is always a song I have on repeat so much that my family and friends end up hating me and it. At the moment its still Despacito (i have multiple versions). 
10. What is the last book you read that wasn’t TSC? I am currently reading Court of Mist and Fury 

I’m passing the tags along to people I’d like to know about. Pick and choose whichever questions. Sorry if you’ve already been tagged in this - @alexandraherondaleblackthorn, @sugarcookieclaire, @mermaid1354, @wondurr-one, @mostawesomepineapple, @howtobesatan101, @sania0810, @graciesamosblackthorn, @basically-a-trashcan, @fandom-life-is-for-me15

Unpredictable

Pairing: Jared x Reader 

Summary: You get caught reading fan-fiction about yourself and the famous man the fandom ships you with. 

Warnings: fluff, two paragraphs of mild smut, and cocky Jared 

Words: 2,719

A/N: here’s a little something to keep y’all entertained whilst I finish writing the others. Mind any mistakes, I wrote this within twenty minutes. Jared is single in this, as much as I love Gen, imagine she’s happy with someone else. x

Masterlist is here :)


Originally posted by weakspots

If there were one thing distancing you from reality, it would be Tumblr. You hadn’t done much with your life other than read gay smut and binge watch Supernatural. You knew what fandoms were capable of and writing was one of their major perks. Reading imagines and one shot’s from multiple fandoms was something you were used to. In fact, it was something you enjoyed. 

How’d you end up on the show of Supernatural? You had gone to school with Danneel Harris before the two of you lost contact after graduation. You’d bumped into her a year after her and Jensen Ackles got together. The two of you were majorly happy to see each other after so long. After all, you were both like sisters in high school and were disappointed when you both drifted apart. But from that moment forward, you’d reunited and became the best of friends again.

Danneel had invited you out to lunch one morning to ask if you were looking for any kind of job, considering you had recently moved to the city she was in so the two of you were closer, she insisted. You’d agreed, saying that you needed more cash – because your savings were failing you – if you wanted to keep the apartment you had. She’d told you about an opening role for Supernatural and being the dumbass you were, with lack of experience, you went and auditioned.

But hey, who knew you were going to get the part? You thought you’d never in a million years become an actress. But three days after the audition, you received a phone call saying that you got the role! Danneel was very excited to have her best friend on the same set as her husband and Jensen was just as welcoming when you first arrived on set.

With the intention for your character to be killed off in the fifth season after being introduced in the third season, the SPN Family had loved your character so much that the writers decided to not kill you off and to instead, make you a recurring character on the show. You were a huntress named Emily whose father dies by the hands of none other than Satan himself during the apocalypse and now fight alongside the Winchester’s whilst also being Sam Winchester’s love interest.

Ten seasons later, you were just as loved as your co-stars and quickly demanded to be seen at Con’s. Your first ever con was at Comic Con and that had been a massive deal for you. You’d mainly fangirled the majority of the day and snuck in to see other panels until it was the Supernatural’s panel time. The first question you had received was, “Y/N, do you know what fan-fiction is? And do you read it?”

You were too embarrassed to answer the question directly, so instead you had told the fan, “I had no experience in acting before getting this role in Supernatural. What do you think I did for normality?” Of course, you had checked Tumblr later that day and found out that a lot of people were freaking out over the fact that you read fan-fiction and you were probably reading their written work at that very moment.

They weren’t wrong. You were a sucker for written fiction that involved celebrities or characters that you could only dream of being with. Being on the show and knowing your co-stars extremely well hadn’t stopped you from reading anything the SPN Fandom had wrote. Especially, if it were Jared x Y/N based. Those were the types of one shot’s that made you squirm with glee. If only it were reality rather than written words on a site that the SPN Family had ruled.

You were currently sitting on the couch in the green room whilst waiting for your turn to go on stage. You were on with Misha, Jensen and Jared after Mark, Richard, Rob and Matt had finished. Deciding to take advantage of the empty room, you opened Tumblr and saw that one of your favorite blogs had posted a new smutty Jared x Y/N.

With a grace that surprised her for his height, Jared guided Y/N up to the center of the bed, kneeling over her as he kissed her chest and between her breasts. Her back arched off the bed, encouraging him to continue the exact path he was taking. Smirking against her flush skin, Jared reached under her back and unclasped her bra, exposing her figure to him completely. If it weren’t for the awe expression on his face, she would have shied away and covered herself up. But the lustful look he gave her made her want to be exposed in front of him more often.

Stealing one last glance and a choked moan from Y/N’s mouth, Jared enveloped one of her nipples into his mouth, biting gently whilst toying with the other with his thumb and forefinger. The whimpers that left her mouth made his shaft harden further against the inner part of her thighs, bringing yet another moan from her perfectly sculptured mouth.

“What are you reading?”

The familiar voice brought you out of your panting trance and made your heart jump a mile before you turned your phone off and faced the person behind you. Jared was squatting down behind you, peeping over your should to read whatever you were reading. Ten years of friendship with this wonderful man was just about to be flushed down the toilet, you were sure of it.

“I can explain,” you had begun with, not really knowing what else you could say to make the situation any less awkward. What were you supposed to say to the man you were reading smut about? The man who had caught you reading it? God, you were so not prepared for the outcome of this.

“There’s no need for an explanation, Y/N,” by the tone of his voice, you’d think he was pissed off, but the grin on his face said otherwise. There was a teasing glint in his eyes and you knew that you hadn’t ruined anything, but he was not going to let you live this down, “So, am I good?”

You almost choked on air as you processed the question he had asked. What kind of handsome man asks that question when catching his co-star reading smut that involved the two of them? This giant was completely unpredictable.

“Excuse me?”

“Am I good? Like, do the fans write me as a good fuck? Does it turn you on?” He pressed the topic further, his smirk never wiping off his face. He was finding pleasure in watching you squirm under his gaze.

“I wouldn’t know because it’s not actually happening. And it depends on the writing technique,” you mumbled almost incoherently, but Jared had heard, “Majority of the time, it does turn me on.”

You had wished for nothing more than for the couch to swallow you whole. His smirk never faltered with your confessions being thrown out into the wind. Why were you even admitting the truth? You should have just lied and said it popped up on your dashboard. Then again, it wouldn’t have been a lie because it truly did pop up on your dashboard. But then he’d question how it ended up there and you’d still be in this mess.

“You read porn that involves the both of us often?” Jared’s dumb query made you roll your eyes at him.

“Not always, normally it’s with Norman Reedus.”

“I’m jealous,” he replied, standing up as the smirk on his face dropped.

“Why?”

“It should always be me you’re reading about,” the smirk was back as he gave you a wink before turning around to walk out of the green room, “Now come on, it’s time for us to go on.”

“Great,” you muttered as you stood up and followed closely behind him, shoving your phone deep into your pocket. By the time you reached the stage, Jensen and Misha were already waiting for you both as they waited for their cue to head on stage. They gave you and Jared both a questioning glance, him because the smirk still hadn’t left his dumb face and yours because your cheeks were still red from the embarrassment of being caught red handed.

The crew had told you it was your cue to go on after being introduced by the men on stage. The four men gave you sweaty hugs before wishing you good luck before you went on stage, and you smiled and waved to the screaming crowd. You looked to see that the other’s had already taken their seats and you cursed Misha for not sitting between the two boys like he usually would. Instead, there was an empty chair between Jared and Jensen waiting for your presence.

You sauntered over and sat down on the seat, only just realizing how close you were to Jared. You could feel his thigh brush against yours and his shoulder bumped yours every so often. This was going to be a long day and you were not at all prepared for what was ahead. You ignored the shivers he had caused and focused on the girl walking up to the microphone.

“My question is for Y/N,” she grinned, “At your first Comic Con years back, a fan had asked if you read fan-fiction and you replied with an answer that implied that you did. Do you still read fan-fics?”

Of course this was going to be the first question.

“Oh, I have a story for you!” Jared grinned as he turned to wink at you, earning multiple shouts from the crowd and a groan from you.

“You know what,” you said, glaring in Jared’s direction, “I’m going to come right out and say it before Mr. Dickbag over here decides to embarrass me; yes, I do. Some of your work is very great, by the way.”

Your comment made the fans scream louder. You hadn’t thought reading their written work would cause such a reaction, “Don’t worry, no need to panic! I love your writing, it’s all really great. I’m proud of your imaginative minds. The majority of you get the characters of the show so on point and it shocks me.”

“A little too great,” his dumb smirk was back again, which made you pull the microphone away from your mouth and warn him to stop. He only shook his head and held his microphone to his mouth, “Do you guys want to hear a steamy story?”

This had caused a reaction in the room, even from Jensen and Misha, who were still giving you both questioning glances. You leaned over and whispered in his ear, “Please don’t say anything and I’ll promise to do anything you want me to.”

He pulled the microphone away and looked at you, “Anything?”

You nodded and listened as the crowd went quiet in attempt to listen to your quiet conversation.

“Go on a date with me,” he whispered, a smile on his face as his eyes twinkled. Your lips parted as you tried to fathom his demand. Why would he ask you to go on a date with him? Is he trying to tell you that within the ten years you had known him he had liked you and that you could’ve grown a pair and told him that you liked him too? What a damn fool the both of you were.

“Well, that’s not forcive, but okay,” you shrugged but the smile on your face told him that you truly loved his offer. You still couldn’t believe he had asked you out in front of everyone, even if they couldn’t hear a single word being said.

He brought the microphone back to his mouth, his gaze still on you, “Well you won’t be hearing a steamy story today, but maybe next time.”

A few disappointed ‘awe’s had emitted from mouths and that had including the very lips that were owned by Misha Collins. You giggled at his reaction and looked over at him before averting your gaze to Jensen.  

“Do you read any about me?” Jensen asked you, smirking at you.

“You’re like a brother to me, Jens. Plus, reading smut about my best friend’s husband? It doesn’t sweeten my cup of tea.”

“Smut?” He tilted his head in confusion which earned a pat on the back and a sympathetic smile from you. Jared knew instantly and started to laugh as Jensen stared off into the distance trying to understand what everyone was making a fuss about.

“Oh honey,” Misha shook his head making the crowd laugh along with you three.

“Next question,” you diverted the attention from Jensen to the man standing at the microphone ready to ask his question.

“Sorry Misha and Jensen, but this question is for Jared and Y/N,” he smiled apologetically at the two men before looking at you and Jared, “As the two of you should know, the fandom ships the two of you pretty hardcore, and we were all wondering if there is going to be the slightest chance of the two of you happening?”

“People ship us?” Jared asked, his gaze immediately falling on you as genuine confusion wrote itself his features, almost making you giggle at the sight.

“Yes, get with the game Jared,” you playfully rolled your eyes and looked at the man wearing a plaid button up shirt. You were about to answer him when Jared spoke again, making the three of you look at him.

“Well, I ship us too then.”

This hadn’t silenced the crowd one bit; in fact, this was the loudest you’ve ever heard them be before. You almost winced at their shrieks, almost gave into the temptation to hide behind Jared. But you sat tall and shook your head before looking back at the man again and attempted to answer his question again.

“I ship it,” Misha interrupted you, earning a mumbled ‘me too,’ from Jensen, and more screams of glee from the crowd. You couldn’t help the smile that snuck its way onto your face as you head butted your microphone in annoyance. These boys were going to be the death of you.

“The answer to your question,” you looked up once the crowd had quieted down a tad, “I can’t see myself, a tiny fairy, with a giant named Jared. But life can throw unexpected things at you, so who truly knows, right?”

The man was pleased with your answer and went back to your seat as you watched the next person come up and ask a question. The hour had dragged on agonizingly slow and you wished you could go back to your hotel room and hide under the sheets forever. Jared’s lingering touches and glances made Jensen lean over half way through and ask if the two of you were together, and you simply shrugged, not giving him a satisfactory answer. You smirked in his direction as he pouted at you.

Soon enough, your time had ended and it was now Kim and Briana’s turn to go up. You waved goodbye to the fans and went backstage, immediately taking off to grab a bottle of water and head back to your hotel room. You wanted to avoid Jared at all costs, but your wishes weren’t granted.

“We should test the theory out,” Jared told you as he caught up with your quick strides and walked alongside you. You inwardly groaned as you turned your head to look at him, completely baffled with his outburst.

“What theory?”

“To see if I’m as good as the fans write me to be,” he stopped walking and grabbed your arm before pulling you into a dark room behind you. By the smells of it, you were in the janitor’s closet and the sound of the door locking proved that you were really going to test that damn theory out. His hot minty breath fanning over your face was only making you want to test it out, not giving a damn if it were in a dirty janitor’s closet.

If there were one thing that wasn’t distancing you from reality, it would be Jared Padalecki and his unpredictable actions.

Jealousy - Niall Horan

Imagine: Niall Horan
Summary: “Request~ Niall and Y/n are friends but he likes her she does too but doesn’t know how he feels so she and Harry flirt with each other a lot and Niall gets jealous but Niall and Y/n end up together and Harry doesn’t get mad bc he always sorta knew Niall liked her he just didn’t think she liked him”

For more like this go follow my new blog: s-writing-s

Originally posted by itsneverenough

You were hanging out at Harry’s place all of the boys, some of their friends and you. You met them on tour working as their stylist along with Lou. It was hard not to become friends when you spent so much time together. But it also had it’s consequences- like starting to like a certain member. Dreamy blue eyes, soft blond hair and just the most sweet personality.

“Quit staring at him,” Harry nudged your shoulder and broke you out of your daydream. Embarrassed you had been caught you flushed feeling the warmth travel all the way to the edge your ears.

“Stare at whom?” you tried to lie. He simply gave you the look. A look you recognised as the one he would give, when he knew you weren’t telling the truth. In a attempt to change the topic you said:

“So, do you like unicorns?” immediately you sighed internally. Really, Y/N that is the best you can come up with? Gosh no wonder Niall didn’t like you. A booming laughter broke you out of your thoughts. Harry was almost laying on the floor in laughter wondering how you managed to be so accidentally funny. 

“Y/N, you are hilarious!” he managed to squeeze out between his fits. You weren’t one to take offence to someone laughing but rather join in knowing you could say the wrong things- something that happened to often. Whilst you and Harry tried to calm down you had caught the attention of someone in the room. That someone was Niall and he wasn’t happy. Quite opposite actually. He was fuming with jealous thoughts and the very thought of you liking Harry made him feel ill. The only rational way to tackle the situation he thought was surely to make you jealous as well.

When Harry and you calmed down you had a quit look around the room. What you saw was something you never wanted to see ever again. Niall was dancing with some girl on the dance floor in a rather intimate position. You tried to ignore it and keep on talking to Harry. If he noticed anything was wrong he was kind enough to leave it alone- chances were he probably did. You couldn’t help but glance every now and then to see what was going on. Giving yourself pain and heartbreak seemed to be the case and when you saw what could only be called “the lean” you felt the pain times twenty. You quickly ran out before you had to see the kiss ignoring Harry’s calls in the background. How did you ever think that maybe perhaps you would have had a chance with Niall. The most perfect boy when he could have the most perfect girl- a girl who wasn’t you. 

You took seat on the swing under the old oak tree looking up to the stars. The swing was a porch swing painted a light blue. Slightly chipped and broken just like you. This was truly a beautiful night and in light of the events that had just occurred. Exhaling you reached up to brush a fallen tear away. You weren’t going to cry- at least not here you would wait till you got home. 

Niall noticed you leaving and didn’t miss the glare he got from his best friend. Harry didn’t follow though he knew better than to do that but Niall didn’t. Or maybe he did but he chose to ignore that knowledge. When he found you, you were still sat on the swing slightly shivering though. With adoration he looked at you and dropped in coat on your shoulders.

You were lost in thoughts when the weight of something hit your shoulders. Feeling the material you recognised it as a coat but where did it come from? You turned around still feeling your heartbeat beating fast from the shock to see Niall. His hands were in his pockets and his feet slightly upturned making him look utterly adorable. Before you could say anything he sat down next to you making you wonder what he was doing here when he had that girl inside. 

“Why are you here?” and not with her the last bit of the question kept in your mind. He turned to look at you. 

“Why are you here?” he asked in fact quite worried about and not yet having reached the conclusion of you thinking he was with someone else. How could he when he didn’t even think you liked him. 

Quickly you replied: “I asked first.”

“So you did.” he laughed. A sound you always loved to hear. 

“I was worried about you,” he scratched his head nervously. Reluctantly you moved so you could see his face wanting to know more. 

“When you left I didn’t know why and if you were sad I couldn’t just let you sit out here alone now could I,” he said looking deeply into your eyes. You let yourself get lost before remembering the girl who was probably waiting inside for him. Abruptly you moved away from him to say something you didn’t really want to.

“Well, I am okay, so you can go back inside again- to her,” you added last minute in disgust. The gears started turning in Niall’s head- could it really be true? Were you actually jealous? On a whim he moved closer to you and lifted your face up towards his. Confusion was painted on your entire face but you didn’t move. He leant closer and closer to you, eyes glancing down towards your lips. He gave you time to move away and when you didn’t he finally made the move. 

It was everything you could ever wish for. The spark that always was described in books was there, it was literally as if fireworks had ben lit. You entire body was on fire and when it ended- which it only did because of the oxygen need- you both had an enormous smile on your faces. 

“Glad that worked out, and just for the record I never kissed that girl. I only danced with her to make you jealous.” 

“Well, be glad I am one to forgive foolish mistakes.” you laughed happy that you finally got the guy. Maybe you were perfect- perfect enough to get him. 

For more like this go follow my new blog: s-writing-s

—Redren, I may have made a mistake.—

For @zevranology‘s #Zevwarden week

Pairing: Zevran x Male Amell Warden ((Side of Morrigan x Leliana))

Pairing Type: M/M

Words: 14,548

Warnings: Sex jokes, mention of sex work in a neutral light, pretty slow burn, some great lesbians, use of OC’s name, they’re all just nerds

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anonymous asked:

Can I request a Dean scenario? Like the morning after a one Night stand with him and you have a small crush on him. But he don't know what his feelings are towards you. With a bit fluff please ;-;(why does it sound like I'm ordering ice cream?)

DEAN: Fluff Scenario


The Morning After


           If you had told yourself a year ago that you’d be waking up naked in Kwon Hyuk’s bed, you would have asked your friend to smack some sense into you. Kwon Hyuk was every dream girls’ guy. He had ungodly handsome features along with the most gentlemanly personality. He put the sweet in sweetheart and the throb in heartthrob. But Kwon Hyuk was also inaccessible. In the past year that you had the honor of knowing him, you had yet to even hear a whisper of him having a girlfriend. Some even thought he could be gay.

           But as you wrestled around in your sleep, slowly waking up while the memories of last night came flooding back to you, you remembered that Kwon Hyuk was far from gay. He knew his way around a woman’s body and god! You were blushing in your sleep by just thinking about it. Before you awoke fully, you relished the feeling of him against you one last time, knowing that those sensations would likely never occur again.

           A soft humming finally pulled you from your slumber. Peeking your eyes open one by one, you subtly lifted your head to check your surroundings. He was the first thing you saw. With his back to you, his bare back for that matter, you watched in adoration as he hummed to himself, a mug of coffee in his hand while he stood by his window, watching the sun rise. Could he be any more majestic? Seriously, he was like something out of a romance novel.

           As if he felt you stir and wake, Kwon Hyuk glanced over his shoulder at you. Every worst case scenario popped into your head at that moment. Now he knows you’re awake, what if he throws you out? What if he glares at you in disgust? What if he lets you down easily by saying what happened last night was mistake? Okay, so that last scenario would be preferred but was it so wrong to hope that he’d ask you to stay?

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Damn Peggy

Modern AU

Peggy Schuyler x Hamilsquad and Southern Democratic Republicans

Author(s): Lil Laddie

Words: 1411

Warnings: Swearing, Cheesy Pickup Lines, Second Hand Embarrassment, Friendzoning

Request :Hello i love ur stories i cri anyway can u write about all the boys pining after peggy like they are all trying to get her to go on a date with them or somethin idk im not ur boss -anon

A/N: I hope this is what you wanted when you requested it! I’m going to be honest it’s not my best, but I really tried. Thanks again for requesting! I love ya’ll! And remember that our Holiday Requests are open! Starting either tomorrow or Tuesday our blog is going to be only Holiday Imagines!! It’s gonna be great.


Peggy Schuyler was, by far, the hottest girl in town. She was the desire of every man and woman that looked her way. Most girls would eat up all the admiration and attention she got from others for her beauty, but not Peggy. All Peggy wanted was to be successful at her new job at George Washington’s fast growing business.

She had no time to worry about the men and women that chased after her. For all Peggy cared, she was an independent business woman that didn’t have time for that whole love thing. The men that worked for George Washington though, they disagreed.

++++

Peggy walked in the tall building, having no idea what to expect for her first day on the job. Peggy took a deep breath before she tentatively approached the secretary’s desk.

“Excuse me, my name is Peggy Schuyler and this is my first day working for Mr. Washington. Could you direct me to his office?” Peggy asked, her voice sounding much more confident than she felt.

“Of course, honey! Just go up the elevator to the top floor. When you get out, take two lefts and a right. His office will be the big one at the end of the hallway.” The secretary smiled kindly.

“Okay, thank you!” Peggy smiled back, walking to the elevator quickly.

Standing in the elevator as it was slowly going up, Peggy could feel her nerves grow stronger. Her stomach felt like a dark pit and her head was running a million miles an hour with doubts and misleading judgement.

Pushing those thoughts down, Peggy took a deep breath. Remembering that she had earned this job for a reason, Peggy held her head high and smoothed out her yellow dress. She could do anything she put her mind to and this job was no exception.

The elevator dinged, the doors slid open. Peggy strutted out of the elevator and down the hallway, following the secretary’s directions. She could hear the loud voices of a group of men, laughing and cracking jokes.

Peggy passed the office they were all in and the laughter soon died out. The only sound became the click of Peggy’s heels on the floor. Peggy held her head high not sparing a look at the people she was passing even if she could feel their eyes on her.

Peggy’s bright yellow dress had caught the eyes of Alexander Hamilton, Hercules Mulligan, John Laurens, Lafayette, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, and Aaron Burr. It reminded them of sunshine and happiness. That was an atmosphere that was often missing from the office they worked at. To the men watching her, she seemed like the pure essence of goodness.

Once she had passed, they all went straight into a yelling competition of who would date her. They all wanted a chance at the beautiful new girl that seemed like a Goddess among men. This escalated to the point where Thomas and Alex were about to beat each other to a pulp. The only thing stopping them were the other men that were holding them back.

As they yelled and argued with each other, they hadn’t noticed their boss walk in the room with the new girl right behind him. George sighed at the sight in front of him, hoping this wouldn’t scare Peggy away. He cleared his throat in an attempt to get their attention, and soon the shouting ceased as one by one they realized who was in the room.

“Is there a problem, gentlemen?” George asked, looking at each of them sternly.

“No sir, nothing to be concerned about.” Alex spoke up, exchanging looks with the others. They did not want the girl to know they were just fighting over her.

“Good. I don’t want any fighting among you boys.” George said, a subtle warning flashing in his eyes.

“Yes sir, we understand.” Thomas said, the other boys mumbling things among these lines.

“Now, if you boys are done, I’d like to introduce you to your new coworker. This is Peggy Schuyler. She is extremely intelligent and I wouldn’t doubt for a second that she could do all your jobs possibly better than you can.” George paused, as Peggy blushed at his praise. “Now, I expect you all to be kind and welcoming to her. And remember that if you slip up she could replace you. Anyway, no pressure. See you all at the meeting tomorrow morning.”

And with that George turned and walked out the door, leaving Peggy and the men that had just been arguing over who was going to date her.

“Well Peggy, welcome to the office! We’re very glad to have you here…Or at least I am.” Thomas smirked, thinking his usual charm would win her over.

“That’s very kind of you.” Peggy smiled, not even phased by his attempt to win her over.

“Peggy, your yellow dress is beautiful. It’s like sunshine. It fits your personality perfectly, because I think you’re the sun in my life.” John grinned, the other boys groaning at his attempt.

“That was one of the most cheesy pickup lines I’ve ever heard. Do you actually use that on girls?” Peggy laughed, clutching her sides in pain.

“Uh, no. I was totally just trying to make you laugh.” John said, his cheeks heating up in embarrassment.

“You must excuse my friends. You see, they don’t understand the concept of love. I’m from France, where the city of love is located. Trust me miss, I am capable of everything you could ever imagine.” Lafayette flashed a coy grin at Peggy.

“I did not need to know that. That was slightly a little too pervy for me.” Peggy said, looking at Laf with uncertainty.

“Uh, I sew dresses. Maybe I could sew you another yellow dress like the one you’re wearing but with a different style and texture?” Hercules attempted to win her over with his slight effect of bribing her with clothes.

“That would be very kind of you…buddy.” Peggy smiled, hoping he got the hint of just friendliness.

“Oooo, friendzone! You must excuse my friends miss, they are quite ridiculous. But maybe-ACHOO!-we could-ACHOO!-go on a-ACHOO! date?” James attempted, but his cold seemed to get in the way.

“That’s very kind of you, but maybe you should get over that cold first.” Peggy patted his back gently in pity.

“I fight about everything, so you know I’d be willing to fight for you.” Alex wiggled his eyebrows at Peggy as she cringed at his pickup line.

“Oh God, that was almost as bad as the sunshine one. Sorry, no offense but I’m not interested in dating any of you. I have a career ahead of me and I don’t have time to focus on the romance aspect of my life right now.” Peggy explains to the boys, trying to put it as gently as she can.

“Oh, well sorry to overstep any boundaries then.” Hercules apologized, the others mumbling and grunting in agreement.

“Thanks boys. I can tell this is a start to a great friendship.” Peggy smiled, all of them silently dying inside at the obvious friendzoning going on.

The boys began to disperse, going off into their own offices until it was just Peggy and Aaron in the meeting room. Peggy began to leave like the rest had, when she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Miss Schuyler, I know you don’t want to be focusing on your love life right now, but I wanted you to know that-” Aaron began, smiling down at Peggy.

“Aaron, I know you’re the only one that didn’t have a chance to throw a pickup line at me, but I thought that you got that my statement about my love life was aimed at all of you. I’m not looking for a relationship right now. I’m sorry.” Peggy turned and walked quickly away from Aaron, his smile fading immediately.

“That I respect your decision, but I’m willing to wait for you and when you do want to start dating…” Aaron said quietly to himself, watching Peggy strut to her office and slam the door shut.

Peggy was definitely a heartbreaker, whether she knew it or not. It was her first day and she already had everybody in the office wrapped around her finger. Peggy knew where her career was going and she was definitely on her way to success, even if it meant breaking a few hearts on her way.

Hercules Mulligan Modern AU: Coffee Shop Part 1

Words: 1272

Warnings: I used the word ‘hell’

Request: Hercules Mulligan x reader with 97 (Wow, you’re hot.) and 73 (You weren’t supposed to laugh! I’m so embarrassed!)

A/N: I decided to do this as a Modern AU guys !! This is my first time writing an au, so I really hope you like it, let me know what you think !  Also I don’t really know how coffee shops work in the US so I went with what happens in New Zealand.  Just note this is only the first part (it doesn’t have either of the prompts in it), second part will be up some time soon !!!

P.S: I got no idea how tipping works.


The coffee shop you worked in never stopped playing jazz music.  The soft chords and saxophone harmonies constantly flooding your hearing.  The flowing tunes calming you as you took the orders of the few people that came in while you worked.  You waitressed the first shift, 5am to 9am, and business only really started to pick up in your last few minutes.  You went to the college just down the road as an undeclared student.  Deciding on what you wanted to do for the rest of your life was daunting and overwhelming.  So for now, you were happy with your waitressing job.  

The scent of espresso and the sweet aromas of the home baking that the café sold filled your nostrils.  The warmth of the shop provided refuge from the cool winter mornings, the fireplace exuding waves of heat that seemed to wrap themselves around you like a comforter.  On summer days it was a welcome respite from the rays of the New York sun, you often spent more than just your working hours in the air conditioned shop.  

Today was no different.  The sun was rising over the city, as you desperately tried to wake yourself up.  You had been at the coffee shop for half an hour, cleaning it and getting it ready for it’s opening at 6 am.  The reds and blues of the sunlight mixing together in the sky to create a blend of colour.  The stars fading into the background, not to be seen for another 12 hours or so.  You never wanted the sunset to end, mentally capturing images of it in your mind, sometimes even bringing in one of your cameras to take some photos, some of which you would post online, others you just kept on your computer.  

Photography was a hobby of yours, you had a blog where you posted some of the pictures you took.  It put things into perspective for you, you fell in love with the world around you and saw everything as an opportunity for a shot.  You loved it, but you didn’t think you were good at it, it was just something you enjoyed.  It was one of the reasons you had chosen New York as the city you would go to college in.  It had always interested you, not the tourist attractions or the busy streets, but the real New York.  The burrows and backstreets, alleyways and unknown corners.  You had always had an urge to truly understand the inner workings of the bustling city.  You liked being able to blend into the crowd of faces, practically invisible.  You liked that, hardly ever having to put yourself out there.  It may have been cowardly, but it was how you liked it.

You opened the door to the café a few minutes late, turning to head back to your place behind the counter.  After all, it was usually just you and your fellow waitress Maria until around 8 o’clock in the morning.  This lead to the two of you having some sing alongs to the jazz music that reverberated through the shop.  However on this day, there was a large man in a black beanie standing outside.  He stumbled inside grumbling, heading to the counter, glaring at you as you laughed and sung.  You shut your mouth quickly, staring at the man in confusion.  “One minute please,” you said before rushing into the kitchen to talk to your colleague and one of few friends, Maria.  “I can’t serve that guy!” you whispered yelled.  She laughed, “Yeah well Angelica asked me to do some baking, I’d hate to disappoint the boss.  Besides, I’m sure he’ll be alright, all you gotta do is take his order.  So what if he heard your terrible singing! You don’t need to be embarrassed,” she finished.  You closed your eyes taking a deep, groaning breath.  “Ok…” you agreed, still groaning.  You stepped out of the kitchen, a largely, mostly false, smile on your face.

“Hi there! You’re in here quite early,” you started your voice half heartedly cheery.

“Am I early, or did you open up late?” He countered, his voice heavy with annoyance.  You took it that he was not happy about having to wait for his early morning coffee, his face was stern.  “I’m so sorry about that, we don’t usually get anyone in here this early,” you said, apologetically.  “So what can I get ‘ya?” you asked, voice picking up a cheerful tone once again.  

“Just a long black thanks,”  he replied curtly, paying for his order and heading for a table on the opposite side of the room.  

He was shockingly large, especially up close.  Tall and broad, though his face was sweet when he wasn’t glaring at you.  He was cute, in a giant teddy bear kind of way.  It was too bad about his seemingly horrible personality.  You made his coffee, internally arguing with yourself over whether you liked or hated him.  In fact you became so caught up in your own thoughts that you almost burnt your hand under the scalding water.  Shaking your head at your own stupidity, you rushed your way - carefully - over to the only customer in the shop.  

Placing his coffee down, you turned to leave, but he called out to you.  Twisting around, you smiled at him quizzically.  “Yes…” you prompted, one eyebrow delicately raised.

“I just wanted to apologise for my attitude earlier.  I’m tired and stressed, I’ve actually got a big assignment due today.  But still, it doesn’t justify my rudeness,” he said taking a sip of his coffee, which was almost visibly waking him up.  You were shocked, and glad, maybe he wasn’t just another total asshole?  “An assignment? What are you studying?” you asked, genuinely curious.

“Fashion design, at the college down the street,” he answered, apparently unashamed.  You grinned, you could certainly respect unabashed confidence in one’s self.  You were excited that you went to the same college, maybe you would see each other around.  “Oh that’s so cool! I go there too, but I’m undeclared,” you responded, the conversation taking off from there.  You couldn’t help but think of how strange this was, this guy who you had ‘hated’ just a few minutes ago had now captured your full attention.  Your smile and cheery tone no longer false.  Your job, the shop, all of your worries over your own future drifting away.  You were, however, conscious that you looked a mess.  Face bare and uniform very unflattering.  You continued to talk to him instead of working, although business wasn’t exactly booming.  You definitely felt drawn to him, and you could only hope he felt the same.

Regretfully you said “I really should get back to my job, and I should let you get back to your studies.  It was so nice talking to you,”  you swear you saw his face drop, your heart skipped a beat.  “I never got your name,” he responded, with a cheeky grin.  Your breathing stopped, how could he have such an effect on you? “Y/N. My name is Y/N,” you answered with a closed lip smile.  “Y/N,” he repeated.  “Do you work this shift daily?” he asked, still grinning.  You cocked your head, confused.  “Yes?”

“Good, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He stood up, placed a ten dollar bill on the table and shot you a wink.  He walked out of the shop, leaving you a bright red colour, your mouth slightly open as you stared after him.  You were only pulled out of your trance when you heard Maria laugh joyfully, “What the hell was that?”


I really hope you like it

- T. Jeffz

Saint Joy’s Fic Rec: Haikyuu!! Edition

HEY SO it’s Fanfiction Writers’ Appreciation Day! And bishounen-curious made a wonderful checklist of things that you can do to spread the love, both as a reader and as a writer. And since I am both and I know as much as anyone that recognition means oh so much, I’m compiling a new fic rec that’ll update the ancient one that you can maybe find lying around in the depths of my blog from the times that I was a devout Homestuck.

This is gonna be hella long, so enjoy the ride.

Ships are organized alphabetically, then by rating within each category.

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I’ve spent all day in bed thinking about your hands, the hands that write love into existence– we’re all a cup of coffee away from figuring out some things and the lie that I’ve been telling myself is that I can’t do this anymore. I’ve spent the last year writing my life away. I’ve spent a whole life time trying to understand that just because they say that they love you… it doesn’t mean that they’d stay forever. I’ve spent all day in my head, I can’t seem to escape my thoughts. I started this blog because I wanted to write poetry for my ex, a year later and I’m still trying to fit my pieces back together. I’m still a little bit lost because I’ve been given a maze. The flaws and the regrets, each corner I find a new mistake. I can’t love myself today, but I’ll try again tomorrow. I stayed angry, but I’m learning to let go. Some people don’t need us in their lives, they just need to touch and disappear. We’re like smoke, we’re burning to feel numb. I’m going to be alright, it’s only a day. I still write everyday, I still love everyday. Even if they hate me, the person that I am right now– it’s because they have left me and it’s going to be a ride, and I won’t always have my seatbelt on. I’m reckless, I know. I’m constantly making wrong decisions, I won’t answer your phone call every time you call, I may laugh too loud even if your jokes aren’t funny… but hey, at least you tried to make me feel something. I’ve been listening to the rain apologize to the flowers, I either hit you where it hurts or I’m just light. It’s the weather, it’s these colors. I’ve been grey before, still picking up my storms. I’ve been lightning before, still finding the place to strike back to back. I’ve been cold before, I’m still learning to be passionate. They tell me, you don’t write about anything but love. Darling, because love is the only thing worth writing about. You’re going to want to fix the world, but you can’t fix the world if you can’t even fix yourself. You’re going to want to let go, and if you should know– I’ve been trying to be more than just a depressed soul bending backwards to the sound of your voice saying I don’t love you anymore. We’re going to be okay, I have to believe so. I’m tired of these metaphors. I’m tired of hiding. I’m tired of not being who I am, fuck it, you can laugh at me. I’ll just be a bit embarrassed, they say that those things build character. So when you see me. Do you see a poet or a poem? Some days, that’s all I know. I just write more poetry that’s left by her, her, her, her, her and her. Maybe one day, I’ll write the poetry that’s left by me. Maybe… but not today. Today? I can only try.