I realize now why Kurt contain used heroin. Not only him but every heroin user. Looking back on my use and the people that use(d) around me, I can only say one thing- it’s okay.
It’s okay to want to not feel anything for a while. It’s okay to want to be numb and forget what is happening in this world and what is happening in your life. It’s okay to take a moment to yourself and just breathe and relax and get yourself together. But you don’t need heroin to do it.
For me, I did for a while. I thought I needed this drug to be my companion in life. I was in love with a guy who was in love with another girl and basically dragged me along for his own amusement or for god knows what reasons.. I was attending college and struggling with my dyslexia and couldn’t perform the necessary skills to complete the homework or tests. I was unemployed. I felt worthless and the only meaningful thing in my life was heroin.
I used when I went to college for the most part. It made classes more tolerable. And I used at night. Because I couldn’t sleep without some horrible thought crossing my mind and making me depressed.
I don’t use now. And I have been clean since November of last year.
I am proud. I am happy. But the same problems I was having are still happening. And I don’t want to be numb. I want to feel them as strong as I can. Because I want to tell my future clients I help, that I did it. And that they can too.
Please seek help if you are an addict. You are so much more than a label. You are a person. And I want to see you succeed.
I just really needed to ramble tonight.