i need a dramatic change in my life

“Embers stirred her unbound hair as she wrapped her hands around his neck and pressed close. A golden crown of flame flickered to life atop Rowan’s head…” 

FINALLY finished this beast! (will probably go back and change everything) From chapter 56 of Empire of Storms <3 

I had so much fun with the lighting and colour on this one and basically went to town on it. If anyone asks me where the light comes from in one of my illustrations I will throw this book at them and be like READ SJMAAS AND THEN YOU WILL UNDERSTAND THE NEED FOR DRAMATIC LIGHTING. 


If you’re an empath, you probably already know that you see and feel things in a unique way. Empaths have the innate ability to truly understand other people, whether they know them well or not. With their unprecedented abilities to be selfless in a self-serving world, empaths might often feel used by others or out of place. But empaths, I’m here to let you know there are more people like you out there than you think. Upon discovering the term “empath,” it really helped explain a few things about why I am the way I am. There are a lot of ways I can describe my personality: introverted, INFJ, or a highly sensitive person (HSP), but I think being an empath is really at the core of who I am. (What’s your personality type? We recommend this free personality test.)

So, here are 11 things that helped me explain some of the out-of-the-ordinary parts of my personality I didn’t understand before. They may not be true for every introverted empath, but they are definitely true to the empath in me:

1. Empaths walk in other people’s shoes with little effort. One of the easiest things for an empath to do is understand what another person is going through. That is, in essence, the definition of the word “empathy,” which Merriam-Webster describes as “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.” In short, empathy is walking in someone’s shoes even if they’ve walked a completely different path than anything you’ve experienced. Now, this isn’t to say that empaths have a supernatural ability to comprehend any human situation, experience, or feeling — we’re just better at it than most.

2. We feel deeply. I don’t know how else to explain it, but it’s as if my emotions seem to be more heightened than others around me. This can be both a blessing and a curse. On the upside, people will know I care about them without me even having to really say it. However, there are times where a greater tendency towards apathy would make my life easier; it’s tiring to constantly be experiencing strong emotions. For example, when I’m grieving — whether it be the loss of a loved one or a dramatic and unpleasant change in my life — my insomnia worsens, my moods plunge, I listen to a lot of sad music, and it becomes all too easy to choke up and lose myself.

3. We can be brought to tears over seemingly insignificant things. I’ve cried while looking at an exhibit in a museum, reading books, listening to someone tell a story, and especially while watching or reading the news. Tears come easy to me but when they do, I often need to assess where they’re coming from: the empath in me or the HSP. Both aspects of my personality can lead to an emotional response, but it’s important to identify in myself where the emotion is coming from in order to move on from that moment.

4. We are passionate. One reason we may get emotional easily is that we have a large capacity for passion. If there’s a subject, people group, or situation we truly care about helping, we will throw ourselves into the effort. If we believe what we’re doing will truly help someone, we may even be willing to go out of our comfort zones to get it done — even us introverted empaths.

5. We listen because we truly care. It’s against our nature not to care. We go beyond the shallow definition of “people-pleaser” because we not only place a lot of value in how others perceive us but also in that we don’t want to let anyone down. We have a passion for other people, and one thing about people is they love to feel heard. As empaths, we know this and look to offer a listening ear.

6. We love serving. Empaths have servant hearts: It’s hard for us to see suffering and not want to help. When we’re choosing how to spend our time, we often look for activities that have a purpose and meaning behind them. While I’ve been a student, I’ve always been drawn to organizations surrounding volunteer work. Maybe it’s partially nurture — how I was raised — but I think it’s also definitely a part of my nature, linked to the empath I am. Looking after others is also one of the ways we ourselves feel fulfilled because it’s often easier to focus on the struggles of others rather than ourselves.

7. We get other people’s feelings but not always our own. It’s kind of like having the ability to know who is crushing on your friend but being completely oblivious to the possibility that someone likes you. Reading other people’s feelings? For an empath, that’s a piece of cake. Sorting out our own inner turmoil? More often than not, a complete and utter fail. You’d think self-awareness is a fundamental human trait, but for some of us, it’s a bit trickier to figure out. Empaths feel and understand so much that sifting out their own feelings from the feelings of others can be a daunting task — albeit a necessary one.

8. We read people well. Empaths often consider the effect their words will have on the listener, because they want to know that what they’re saying or doing isn’t going to negatively impact someone. This mode of calculated conversation and action can provide empaths with a large store of knowledge as to what makes people tick.

9. We have strong, lasting connections with people we may not have interacted with in years. Once we bond with someone, it can often take on a “till-death-do-us-part” type of existence. Distance, separation, and time may cause our surface level relationship to corrode, but we still feel a strong affinity for the person who meant a lot to us at one point in time, even long after we’ve parted ways.

10. We’re often labeled as being overly sensitive or emotional. Telling someone that an emotional response makes them weak is an argument people have been using against various groups for ages. They may not be singled out in this, but empaths often fall into one or more of the groups under such reproach. Especially if you’re a male empath, people might see your sensitivity and tell you that you need to “man up.” Our culture associates masculinity and power with rationality — as if an emotional response is never the rational one. (Personally, I think there are many scenarios in which it could be construed as highly irrational to lack any emotion.) So empaths, stay strong in your own uniquely sensitive way; the world could use a whole lot more people like you.

11. Empaths are sought after but often underappreciated. Not all empaths are introverts, but the ones that are tend to be affected more by this one. When you’re a genuine, attentive listener who gives good advice, people and their problems tend to flock to you. It doesn’t even matter if they know you hardly at all, but something about empaths makes people decide to bare their souls. It’s not really that much of a shock that this happens if you consider how good at being understanding empaths are, though it can at times become frustrating. We do care immensely about the well-being of others, and that’s why we may bite our tongues and sit down to listen to someone rant about the same things again. However, empaths need to beware of one-sided relationships where they’re giving all of themselves and not receiving anywhere near the same in return.

A Final Note to Empaths

My dear empaths, you were born hard-wired to put others first. Your selfless attitude is both courageous and compassionate. Just don’t forget that it’s important to take care of yourself, too. There will be people who won’t appreciate your sensitivity or will seek to use your empathetic demeanor for their own gain; and these are the people that are not worth anguishing over. Instead, seek out the people and the places that will value you and support you as much as you support them. And don’t let someone convince you that caring for other people isn’t worth it. But then again, I’m sure you know that already.

BY SUZANNE YOST @ introvertdear.com


  • “You sure this isn’t a set-up?”
  • “We’re three minutes behind schedule, we need to move.”
  • “You’re a real people person, aren’t you?”
  • “What’s past is past. We’re working together now, let’s focus on the job.”
  • “Now, now. Not so fast.”
  • “I’m going to have fun breaking you.”
  • “Couldn’t leave well enough alone, could ya?”
  • “Fighting back is pointless, my friend.”
  • “You will be able to get me out of here, right?”
  • “On my list of priorities, that doesn’t even make my top five hundred.”
  • “If I was wearing that, I’d ask you to shoot me in the head.”
  • “What can I say? I’m good at my job.”
  • “Oh, is something the matter?”
  • “Oh, fuck you.”
  • “It wasn’t your fault.”
  • “Thank you. I mean it.”
  • “You’re not wearing pants.”
  • “Look, I’m just saying don’t get your hopes up.”
  • “Well, this has been a productive day.”
  • “I can kill a lot of people with a computer.”
  • “Oh, ___. We’re gonna get along famously.”
  • “You’re really making a big deal out of nothing.”
  • “If your aim was any worse, you’d be shooting yourself.”
  • “Look at us, killing everything in sight. Is this what being a sociopath feels like?”
  • “You’re remarkably calm right now.”
  • “Hey, sometimes your exes try to kill you, you know? What can you do?”
  • “Wanna party?”
  • “You’re lame now. You used to have fun.”
  • “You’re a terrible person.”
  • “You don’t have to convince me. Just yourself.”
  • “We’re talking about this later.”
  • “Nobody tells me anything!”
  • “You ready to get outta here?”
  • “Hey baby, I could show you a good time.”
  • “No one loses to me.”
  • “That’s far enough.”
  • “You know me too well.”
  • “Don’t you dare confuse duty with self righteousness!”
  • “Oooh. Sounds serious.”
  • “Let’s do this without drawing attention, yeah?”
  • “So an evil version of me is your worst nightmare?”
  • “_____. I thought you knew me better than that.”
  • “Why would I hide when I can kill your friends in front of you?”
  • “I’m not gonna give you the satisfaction.”
  • “Oooh, I love it when you talk tough.”
  • “Focus. On. The job.”
  • “Don’t like talking about your past?”
  • “Yeah, we should probably get out of here.”
  • “I have a feeling we’re about to disagree.”
  • “I can forgive a few punches.”
  • “You are really starting to piss me off.”
  • “______, what the hell happened?”
  • “It would seem your reputation doesn’t do you justice.”
  • “Can we just get to murdering already?”
  • “Whatever the plan was, it went out the fucking window. We need to focus on surviving.”
  • “Quit fucking around and get in here!”
  • “We had a deal, my friend.”
  • “Now what am I supposed to do with a naughty little boy/girl like you?”
  • “I’m trying to save your life!”
  • “I’m giving you a choice.”
  • “Get away from me!”
  • “Quite the entrance.”
  • “I figured you had a flair for the dramatic.”
  • “I’m really gonna miss these bonding sessions when I kill you.”
  • “Well, at least you’re honest.”
  • “This ain’t pride. This is wrath.”
  • “Hey _____, you wanna fuck?”
  • “You have to wait until I want it.”
  • “Been a hell of a ride, hasn’t it?”
  • “You’ve changed so much.”
  • “You’re not very convincing, you know.”
  • “Glad you didn’t find it awkward, but not really in the mood right now.”
  • “I really thought I lost you.”
  • “Look, I gotta tell you something.”
  • “Just shut up, I have to tell you something.”
  • “Nothing ever made me feel alive like you did.”
  • “I’ve been cooped up for way too long.”
  • “I need to stretch my legs and kill some things.”
  • “What’s on your mind?”
  • “Despite everything I’ve done with my life, apparently that’s what I’m known for.”
  • “I’ve done the planning part in the past and it’s boring. I rather just get in there and get shit done.”
  • “Look, I’m sorry you had to go through that, but I’m here now. Alive and kicking! That counts for something, right?”
  • “We’ve had some good times together, haven’t we?”
  • “You still wanna have a go?”
  • “Can I help you?”
  • “____, I respect you too much to bullshit you.”
  • “You don’t respect me.”
  • “What do you want?”
  • “I’m willing to forgive and forget if you are.”
  • “You ain’t getting close enough to shank me.”
  • “Give us a minute to recover from last time, yeah?”
  • “I don’t want things to change between us.”
  • “You never know if you can have something unless you ask for it.”
  • “It’s okay, say what’s on your mind.”
  • “I know you want to, but I don’t.”
A little nervious

I am just a little under 10-months post-op and things are changing. 

  • I am starting to feel hunger again. 
  • What I am able to eat is growing. 
  • How much I am able to eat at one time is also growing. 
  • My weight loss has slowed dramatically. 

This is all 100% expected and on track for a WLS patient but that does not make it any less disconcerting. 

I just can’t go back and even the possibility is pretty scary for me. 

So now I need to take all the hard work and I have I learned and focus focus focus. 

Help hold me accountable friends. This is a life and death battle I intend to win. 

The One with the Delivery

y’all omg here it is!!! the fifth and final installment of Baby Fever!! it certainly took me long enough, and I apologize for the wait. I just had to sit down with a good cup of coffee and a fleetwood mac playlist and get it done:) 

As a woman who has never had a baby I hope I did this justice. 

Tag List: @sammy1dlwt @alexispoo @justrae9903 @alexahood21 @tooweirdforlifex @chocolate-chip24 @i-ship-it-okay @baellinswithstyles

also special thanks to @wrestlingnoob for her kind words about taking my time:)

Part one is here
Part two is here 
Part three is here
Part four is here

Summary: Here we are 9 months later…

Originally posted by toosweetme

Keep reading

Royals pt2

Reader x Jimin

Genre: Fluff, maybe some angst?

Anonymous said: “Could you write a Jimin x reader story where Jimin is royalty?”

Short synopsis: All you want is to protect him, all he wants is freedom. After disguising yourself as a boy to join the royal guard, the prince might be more of a handful than you could have ever imagined.

Disclaimer: This takes place in a land far, far away. You know, like Shrek, but I promise Jimin isn’t going to turn into an ogre. Nothing that happens is remotely historically accurate, because it does not take place in the past.

Part 1

The second time you saw the prince, you were ten years old. You had accompanied your mother to the castle so she could beg the court physician to see your father, who had fallen from a horse and injured his back. You had slipped away from her, not liking the smell of strange herbs and medicines that surrounded the physicians rooms.

Several other children were playing tag outside, and it wasn’t log before you were running at full-speed through the marketplace. You were faster than the other kids, but as you looked over you shoulder to see where they were, you missed the rock that was directly in your path.

You fell face-first into the mud of the beaten path where horses and carts passed though, and scrambled to your feet just in time to see a horse headed directly towards you.

It felt as though your feet were glued to the ground, you couldn’t move, or hardly even breathe. “This is it,” You thought distantly. “This is how I’m going to die.”

But a hand grabbed your arm and pulled you to the side, un-gluing your feet so you could get out of the way. The wheels of the cart that the horse was pulling splashed more mud onto both you and the boy who had dragged you to safety, but was such a small price to pay.

“Are you alright?” He asked, and you looked up to see the prince.

You didn’t trust yourself to talk, too scared and too embarrassed, so you just nodded as you heard shouts of “Your highness!” as guards swarmed. There was mud on his perfect boots, you noticed as they ushered him away. A strict looking woman scolded him as they left, but he didn’t seem to mind, just turned and gave you an apologetic wave.


You didn’t see much other choice other than to follow Jimin to the castle, so that’s what you did. He walked fast, as though he had things to do, and a time frame to get them done. The doormen had to scramble to get the heavy double-doors out of his way in time, but he hardly seemed to notice.

“All due respect, Your Highness.” You started, jogging to keep up with him. His legs were slightly longer than yours, and he showed no sign of slowing down. “But perhaps Captain Namjoon has a point–you don’t know anything about me, I could be–”

You were cut off as the prince spun on his heal, walking backwards so he could face you. “Dangerous?” He guessed. “Here’s the thing. Namjoon forgets that I’m not a baby. I can take care of myself–and I have, many times. Do you know how many assassins have gotten past the guard? Of course you don’t.” This didn’t seem to be a jab at you, so much as he remembered that you were new, and wouldn’t have access to that kind of information. “Anyway, every single one of them was more skilled than you, and I handled everything just fine. No offence.”

You weren’t sure if you were offended or not, but you were concerned that the prince was so trusting. “None taken, but–”

“Why do you keep arguing?” He stopped moving so abruptly that you nearly ran into him. As it was, you were far closer to him than you had intended.

“My apologies, your highness.” You looked down at your shoes.

“Is your goal to make me distrust you?” He asked.

“No, your highness.”

“Call me ‘your highness’ again and I’ll puke.”

“What?” You glanced up to see him watching you with an eyebrow raised.

“Do you know how tiresome it is to be called that all day? Every. Single. Day.” He shook his head as he turned back around and kept walking. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think people had forgotten my name, no one ever uses it.”

“What would you have people call you then, your high–” You caught yourself just as he looked over his shoulder in warning. “Sir.” You finished lamely.

“Jimin.” He said simply. “You should call me Jimin.” He turned down a hall suddenly, and then took a sharp right down a flight of stairs.

“Where are we going, your high–Jimin?” You corrected yourself quickly, but it felt wrong. The prince wasn’t someone to be referred to so informally.

“Somewhere.” He replied, reaching the bottom of the steps. It seemed that was as much of an answer as you were going to get for the moment. “So tell me,” He said as you trailed after him down another corridor. You had no idea how you were ever going to find your way out again. “What made you want to join the royal guard?”

You caught a door before it shut on your face, and you could hear voices from not far off. “Like I said earlier, I want to protect you.” You said, confused that he was asking the same thing again.

“No, I mean really.” One more door, and you found yourself in the kitchen, with servers and maids hurrying to get out of Jimins way, and bumping into you in the process. Jimin tossed you a roll before taking one for himself. “What’s your real reason? It’s okay, you can tell me.” He was out the other end of the kitchen quickly, and you ran to keep up. Several people stood in your way, and you were worried you’d lose him for a second.

“That is my reason.” You said, when you found him waiting for you on the other side of the door. He tilted his head to one side.

“That isn’t anyone’s reason. Now be honest. Is it money? Or power? Or something else? It isn’t a good idea to lie to me.” He took a step forward, and you took a step back. But there wasn’t much room in the corridor; it was made for the workers of the castle, not the royalty that lived there, and you bumped your head against the wall.

“I’m not lying to you.” You said. “Your safety is very important to me.”

Jimin blinked at you slowly, and somehow you knew it was a warning. He didn’t look mad, or even mildly annoyed, but you had heard things about royalty. They were taught how to mask emotions from birth.

“You saved my sisters life.” You blurted. It was a lie, but close enough to the truth. “She was reckless and nearly got herself run over by a horse and cart eleven years ago. You risked yourself to save her. I want to repay you, somehow.”

Jimin looked slightly taken aback by this. “You were there?” He asked. Did that mean he  remembered? The thought made your heart race.

“No. But she told me of your bravery. This kingdom is going to need someone like you to lead it. Someone not only brave, but kind. That is why I want to join the royal guard. Because you need to be surrounded by people who believe in you, and would die for you.”

Jimin watched you for another moment before laughing. “Well, that was dramatic. Jeeze. I would have taken ‘my family needs the money’ as an answer.” He patted your shoulder. “Don’t look so serious, I was only messing with you anyway.”

He shook his head as he stared off down the hallway once more, taking a bite out of the roll he had taken from the kitchen. You took a deep breath before following him, looking at the roll he had tossed to you. You had a feeling something had changed since the day he saved your life–a lot could in eleven years–but you weren’t sure quite what.

A/N I know this is short, but I just wanted to say that I haven’t forgotten or abandoned this! Thank you for reading, and hopefully I can update again soon. <3 <3 <3

anonymous asked:

Could you do a scenario with zen where MC is very friendly but when ppl flirt with her she sort of, Like mc.exe stoped working (haha but srsly, she gets shy and sometimes act sort of... pushing the other person away) and zen gets all "?? Are you uncomfortable ? I can stop if you don't like me.... "Which ends up on mc confessing that she doesn't really believe someone could fall for her, ESPECIALLY someone like him? Thank you!

This is such a sweet request! Writing about Zen is always fun so I hope that you like it! :)

Zen never thought that he could fall so in love with a person before. After only eleven days of talking to you through a messenger app, Zen realized that he finally found his true love. You were so incredibly supportive of him when he hurt his leg and the entire Echo Girl mess that it would have surprised him if he didn’t fall in love with you.

The day of the party was one of the greatest days of Zen’s life. He finally got to meet you and as soon as he saw you, you took his breath away. You were absolutely perfect in Zen’s eyes and he vowed to protect and love you for as long as he lived.

There was only one thing about you that seemed off to Zen was how uneasy you could get around some people, usually people flirting with you. At the party, he noticed how outgoing you were to all of the guests but within a minute, you could become a stuttering mess.

Even when Zen confessed his love for you at the party, you became a blushing wreck and became very weary of him. Zen decided to let it go for now, not wanting to pester too much into your personal life. So when the party came and went, Zen wanted to spend more time with you.

You had agreed to watch him at one of his practices for an upcoming musical that he was staring in. You realized that you have listened to Jaehee sooner about watching Zen’s performances because he was simply incredible.

While of course Zen was flawless when performing, you couldn’t help but notice his co-star, a beautiful practically perfect women, who seemed to share a great chemistry with Zen. You had always been a little insecure about yourself, but meeting Zen changed the way you looked at yourself, or so you thought.

After the practice, you and Zen had decided to go to a cafe for some drinks. Of course when the two of you had got there, a couple of Zen’s fans noticed him and started talking to him, asking for his autograph and pictures.

You rolled your eyes as Zen sweet talked with them, being as narcissistic as ever. Zen had told you his order so you had decided to order for the both of you.

The barista worker was a young male and as you approached, he gave you a toothy grin asking “And what can I get for you lovely lady?”

You hesitated but told him yours and Zen’s order. Once he handed you the drinks, he winked saying “I added some extra sugar in yours because you’re just so sweet lovely lady.”

You laughed awkwardly, starting to feel uncomfortable but gave him a “Thank you.” But before you could leave, he grabbed your wrist saying “By the way, can I get your number lovely lady?”

Before you could say anything, you felt a pair of hands clamp on your shoulders. You looked back to see Zen, glaring at the young male and said “How about you leave my girlfriend alone or else I’ll knock those pretty little teeth out ‘lovely boy.’”

The worker backed away quickly and turned to help another customer. You breathed a sign of relief and gave Zen a quiet “Thanks” as he grabbed his drink and wrapped his arm protectively around your waist.

The two of you decided to take a walk in the park while you had your drinks. Zen held your hand the entire time, making sure no other person dared to mess with you.

You took a sip of your drink and Zen smiled at you giving you a kiss. He licked his lips saying “Babe you always taste so good!”

Zen stopped smiling when he noticed you visible shiver and look away from him, face flushing in the process. “Hey MC, are you okay? Did I say something to make you upset? Please let me know if I did.” Zen said worriedly.

You took a shaky breath before saying “It’s just that… I kind of get really shy when people flirt with me. I mean, I love meeting new people and talking and all that but I just get kind of… Awkward when people say those kinds of things to me.”

Zen felt relief flood through him, he genuinely believed that you didn’t like him anymore. He gave you a gentle smile saying “Thank you for telling me MC. If you want, I can definitely stop acting that way, although it may be kind of tough because I am so perfect.”

But all of his anxiety came rushing back when he saw you still biting your lip nervously. Zen hurriedly said “I mean unless you don’t like me anymore and want to stop going out…”

Your head shot up and you shook your head saying “N-no that’s not what I meant at all! I like you, no I love you Zen. It’s just that I always wonder why you love me back. When I was watching you practice today, your co-star seemed like she would be the perfect person for you, not some timid plain girl like me.”

Zen’s heart broke at your words. He held your hand tightly with one of his own hands and brushed your hair gently with his other saying “Babe, you’re absolutely perfect in my eyes. I love you because you’re such a kind and caring person, not to mention you’re super pretty, almost as attractive as me!”

You laughed at his narcissism and Zen smiled back and said “Please don’t ever feel like you’re not good enough MC, you’re the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I love you okay? Don’t ever forget that.”

“I love you too Zen. And you don’t have to stop flirting, it’s who you are and I don’t want you to change. I just need some time to get use to it is all.” You said happily to Zen.

Zen sighed dramatically saying “How did I ever end up finding the most perfect girlfriend ever? You don’t change either MC, I love you just the way you are. Now let’s go home and watch some of my performances on DVD!”

You and Zen ended up spending the night cuddling together, watching his performances, and going back and forth saying what you loved about each other. Needless to say, it ended up being the perfect night.

In Memorium

Wow. Never thought I’d be saying a TV show changed my life, but here we are. Seriously, if it wasn’t for Turn, I wouldn’t be where I am today. And I know that sounds crazy and dramatic, but it’s 100% true. Honestly, if I had never started watching this show, I don’t think I’d be pursuing my dreams by joining the Army. Ben Tallmadge and George Washington have given me all the inspiration I need to serve my country, and I couldn’t be more happier with the choices and sacrifices I’ve made in order to get where I am now. This show has been a part of my life for 3 years, and has brought me nothing but joy. Of course there’s been tears and anger, but that just makes it a great drama. This show inspired me to care more about my history, so much to the point where I decided I would major in history. I just can’t believe this show is over for good now. I know eventually we’ll get a new American history show about the revolution or something, but we won’t get these actors back. These incredible, talented, amazing actors, who have completely devoted themselves to portraying these characters from history with the utmost respect and grace. I’m so proud of them and the work that they’ve done, which has truly made this show unforgettable. And I am so happy to say that I have been a part of this memorable fandom, and have met so many amazing people through it all. I hope that, even though this show is over, we can all still be a part of the Turn community and keep the spirit alive, not just because this was a stunning show, but because these were real people from history, and we should do all that we can to keep their stories alive and honor their memories.

So, I want to give a huge THANK YOU to everyone on Tumblr who is a part of the Turn fandom, because it’s your posts, gifs, and edits that have kept this show alive for the past 4 years. Even though we get into squabbles over ships, character writing, and bad wigs, at the end of the day, we’ll all a family, and we should all be proud of our hardwork and devotion to this fandom that has brought us all together.


Happy Blackout day everyone!!! On this date one year ago at 7:00pm I posted my first selfie on tumblr. I was so nervous because I wasn’t sure how people would precieve me. Would the internet end up mocking me or would it accept me? I had my blog for a year and the people who followed me had no clue what I looked like. I wanted it to stay that way. Put to my surprise my selfie that I posted for the first blackout day was accepted and shared by so many people. My blog and my personal life changed dramatically because of blackout day. The positive messages that I recieved from people gave me the push and the drive that I needed to finish my abandoned book project. Now a year later I can proudly say that I’m a much happier person and I’m also a self published author. http://www.amazon.com/Cosmic-Callisto-Caprica-Missing-Saturn-ebook/dp/B01CAIOB8G

shout out to the people I follow on tumblr for reblogging quotes from the amazing @serenosky and later tracing me to his books. completely obsessed with these two gems. i have never shared so much interests and had the same mindset with an author before. these two books have dramatically changed my outlook on life and how us humans are taking advantage of mother earth. we are all in need of a little bit of sereno in our lives. MUST READS. ✨


anonymous asked:

Hi! could you do something along the lines of the recent Hanzo headcanons where his s/o was from our time with Genji, Mcree, and S76 if it's not too much trouble

Hey there! Sure thing, I hope you like it! Thanks for the request. :) Here’s the link to the original post

-It took his (future) s/o some time to adjust to living in a new time, especially considering cyborg ninjas were not a thing in 2016.
-Luckily, Genji’s calming personality made it easier for them to become friends with him.
-Genji and Zenyatta made sure to catch up Genji’s s/o on everything that has changed since their time. They needed a few days of space to process everything, but once they were ready they were totally fine.
-S/O makes constant references to 2016 jokes and memes, and it makes the older crowd go wild with laughter since they are the only ones who remember them.
-“Genji, you’re my salt bae.”
“Wha…salt…bae? What does that mean? Do I need to be worried?”
“Nah, it just means you’re incredibly handsome!”
“Oh, well, thank you?”
-Genji enjoys taking them on trips during their shared down time so they can see how time has changed some things, but let others remain.

-He’s pretty suspicious at first about them being from the past, so it takes a while for him to warm up to them.
-Once McCree is comfortable around them, he’ll ask them a lot of questions about the past because he wants a firsthand account.
-“So, what was it like havin’ to hunt on horseback? Didya have to go after any outlaws yerself?”
“Jesse, what are you talking about?”
“The Wild West, of course!”
“…That was way before 2016. And a lot of it is dramatized for movies and television.”
“Aw, shucks. Does that mean my outfit ain’t up to par? I feel like a darn fool.”
“It’s perfect, Jesse. Trust me. You don’t need to change a thing.”
-He doesn’t go into too much detail about how things have changed as he likes to keep explanations simple, so he might defer some questions to Angela or Ana.
-McCree really enjoys watching older movies with them while they snuggle together under his serape and blankets.

Soldier 76
-Like McCree, he’s fairly skeptical that they’re from the past, but he’s seen a lot of shit at this point in his life. Not much can surprise him anymore.
-Soldier has a tough exterior, so he tends to brush them off at first until they begin to grow on him. At that point he’ll start answering questions they have.
-He’s actually very curious about what it was like to live in 2016 despite having been born not too long after. He’ll slip in a question here and there.
-They become close one night over a couple of glasses of wine and sitting on the roof of Watchpoint: Gibraltar.
-“You know, I’ve been really homesick lately. I used to hate my situation, but looking back on it…it wasn’t so bad.”
“…Do you regret being here?”
“Haha, actually…I’m finding that I like it here a lot more than I was expecting. Everyone has been really understanding and welcoming. I don’t think I ever properly thanked you, by the way.”
“There’s nothing to thank.”
“Trust me, there is. More than I think you know.”
“…Would it be a stretch to ask for a kiss as a thank you? I know I’m getting bolder in my old age.”
“Haha! I’d be more than happy to.”  

Honest Titles of OneRepublic Music Videos

 Apologize: The Everyday Life of An Introvert

Stop And Stare: Man Clones Himself to Run Himself Over

Say (All I Need): The Kind of Artsy Video People on Tumblr Like

Mercy: The Tree on the Flag THE TREE ON THE FLAG

All The Right Moves: I Would Give More Than Spare Change If OneRepublic Played a Gig at My Party

Secrets: The Napkin™

Marchin On: Low Key Beats Headphones Product Placement

Good Life: The Grainy Quality I Can’t Do This Anymore

Feel Again: The Kind of Artsy Video People on Tumblr Like, Part 2

If I Lose Myself: I Don’t Like Graffiti Except If It’s Native Graffiti

Counting Stars: How Did This Reach One Billion Views

Something I Need: *Band’s Name Spelled “One Republic” in the Opening Shot* *Dies Dramatically*

Love Runs Out: Is That Betty White? ft. Garbage Bags

I Lived: *Sniffles* I’m Not Crying No You Do Not See Me Crying What Are You Talking About

Wherever I Go: A Speculative Fiction About What Happens When the Teacher Leaves the Classroom

Kids: Logistically There Is No Way This Was Filmed In One Shot

Let’s Hurt Tonight: New York City Tourism Company Is Not A Sponsor™

Imagine:The Pack knows that you and Liam are in love but he’s dating Hayden. So they come up with a plan to make the two of you confess your feelings. But things don’t exactly go to plan.

Lydia pulled you back to her side, sending you a concerned look.
“Y/n, where are you going the game isn’t over"she asked as she glanced at her flashy watch.

“I really need the toilet?"you tried to lie.

"And your taking all of your belongings with you?"Lydia was too smart.

"Yeah, I’m on my period"you shrugged.

"Y/n, I think your forgetting that we’re best friends and we have been for 10 years. Plus I know when your pmsing so I want the truth"she raised her eyebrow.

"I can’t watch the game"you mumbled embarrassed.

"Is it because of Liam and Hayden?"she asked as she pulled on her jacket.

"How did you know?”

“Me and Stiles had a bet"she slung her bag on her shoulder.

"You and your boyfriend really need to stop placing bets on my life"you laughed.

"Wait, where are you going?"you asked confused as to why she was gathering her things together.

"We’re going to pay Malia a visit, your feelings are more important than a lacrosse game"Lydia flicked her hair and grabbed your hand. Leading you through the roaring crowds until you were near the changing rooms.

You spun around one last time to see Liam kissing Hayden passionately. Your heart sank. He then scanned the crowd with a frown on his face.

"Tell me why we’re going to get Malia again?”

“It’s just an experiment me and the pack have been working on"Lydia smirked.
You both saved Malia from Maths tuition, she was extremely grateful. So grateful that she offered to buy you both dinner.

"So, what’s going on?"Malia questioned as she shoved her books in her bag.

"That project we’ve all been working on"Lydia said.

Malia’s eyes widened.
"Why do I not know about this?"you pouted.

"Should I get Scott and Stiles?"Malia asked completely ignoring your question.
At this point you were stood outside the changing rooms. It was the end of the game so everyone had probably gone home. The corridors were empty.

"We definitely need Scott"Lydia nodded.

"Y/n, you stay here"Malia instructed.
You nodded slowly, curious as to what they were up to.

Lydia and Malia walked off Leaving you in front of the changing rooms.

"Do you think it’s going to work?"Malia asked Lydia.

"If Scott plays his part then and says what he’s supposed to say then yeah"Lydia replied.

"And what about Hayden?"Malia asked again.

"Oh c'mon you and Scott have noticed that Liam’s heartbeat doesn’t increase like it should when he’s around Hayden but when he’s with y/n it goes off the scale. Technically we’re just correcting a few errors"Lydia replied confidently as she spotted Scott and Stiles standing on the field.

Stiles spotted Lydia and walked up to her giving her a sweet kiss and a tight hug.
"Where’s y/n?"Stiles asked as Scott then joined the group.

"Outside the changing rooms"Malia wiggled her eyebrows.

"Operation Cupid is a go go"Stiles exclaimed excitedly.

"Now Scott time to put your acting skills to the test"Lydia smiled.

"I’ve been waiting for this moment my whole life, this is my big break"Scott said dramatically.

"Just go and talk to Liam"Lydia rolled her eyes.

"Malia you go and persuade y/n to wait in the changing rooms for Scott”

“And Stiles you keep Hayden busy”

“How am I supposed to do that?"Stiles asked.

"Your Stiles, you’ll think of something"Malia said as she ran towards the changing rooms.

"What about you Lydia?"Stiles smiled at his girlfriend.

"There’s something I need to do, meet me outside of the changing rooms in about an hour”

Meanwhile, You were twiddling your thumbs outside of the changing rooms.

You heard footsteps coming down the hall so you stood up, Malia came round the corner quickly and smiled.

“Sorry I took so long, Scott needs to speak to you about something important so he wants you to wait in the changing rooms he shouldn’t be long"Malia lied as she guided you into the boys changing room.

"Okay?"you didn’t ask questions, Scott was the alpha so you trusted him.
Malia shut the door behind you and pulled on it to make sure it was shut properly as she pulled it the door handle flew off.

"Uh oh, this is not good"Malia looked down at the door handle then up at the door. She tried to push the door but you were locked in.

Whilst Malia was searching the School for a tool kit, Stiles was on the field trying to keep Hayden busy.

"So, Hayden"Stiles sat down next to her.

"Stiles? How can I help?"Hayden sent Stiles a friendly smile.

"Lets go for a drive"Stiles smirked.

A few minutes away Scott had forgotten what he was going supposed to say to Liam.
"Uhm why are you stuttering like that, Scott what do you need"Liam laughed.

Scott had no other plan, he had to improvise.
"There’s a new supernatural in Beacon hills and its bigger and Scarier than anything we’ve ever faced"Scott lied.

"We need to get the pack together"Liam panicked.

"That’s the thing, the whole pack is here except for one person"Scott exaggerated.

Liam’s eyes darted around the field.
"Y/n"his eyes widened and he sprinted towards the school.

While that was happening you sat in the changing rooms, it had been over 20 minutes and Scott was nowhere to be seen.
You walked over to the door and pulled it.

It wouldn’t budge.
You tried to get the door open a couple more times but you were stuck.
"Scott?"you shouted as you started banging your fists against the glass.

"Malia?"you called out as you slid down the door running your hands through your hair.

On the other side of Beacon Hills high school Lydia was sat in the Electric cupboard flicking switches and pressing buttons.
She’d been hearing Static all week and she finally decided to follow it.

Suddenly the Electric cupboard started to become hot and the static was loud.
Lydia must of pressed the wrong button because sparks started to fly out of the machine.

Then all the lights went out.
The changing room went pitch black and you jumped up.
Something was wrong.


“Lydia?"you felt around the walls for a light switch. Instead your arm got caught on something sharp.

"Ouch"you hissed as you felt blood trickle down your arm.
You stumbled back and hit your head on what felt like a locker. You fell to the ground.

Liam ran around the whole of the school looking for you. He became irritated and helpless.

"Where are you y/n?"he said to himself.
Suddenly he heard a loud crash coming from the changing rooms.
He knocked down the door and peered around the room Liam saw you crouched down in the corner.

"Y/n?!"he sprinted over to you and hugged you close.

"Liam, what’s going on?”

“I don’t know but your bleeding I need to get you out of here"he wrapped his arms around your waist and stood you up.

"I’m okay I just need to wash it off, I’m going to use the water from the showers"you walked slowly over to the shower room and pulled off your jumper.

It didn’t matter that Liam was in the room with you, you were wearing another top underneath.
Liam blushed nevertheless.

"Why aren’t you with Hayden?"you asked curiously.
Liam walked into the shower room and turnt off your water.
He was already wet at this point.

"Y/n, I have to be honest with you. When I heard that you were in school alone I lost my mind. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I like you and the thought of not having you around scares me to death. When the game was over I couldn’t find you and then Scott came over panicking I just can’t lose you"Liam confessed, he looked as if he was almost about to cry.

"And what about Hayden?"you said leaning against the wall.
Liam pressed his hand against the wall near your head.

"Hayden’s great, but she’s not you"He mumbled as he pressed his lips against yours.
Your back hit the shower button and water started to fall on the both of you.

You pulled away and laughed.
"I love you"he smiled as he tucked your wet hair behind your ear.

"I love you too"you nodded.

Malia, Scott and Lydia stood at the door admiring their work.

"Well that didn’t go to plan"Malia frowned.

"Are you kidding, look at the both of them aren’t they adorable"Lydia grinned.

"But where’s Stiles?"Scott looked around.

3 hours later.
Hayden’s eyebrows furrowed together and she peered out of the jeep.

"Stiles why are we in Mexico?"Hayden asked.

"Oh you know, research purposes”


This is extremely random but I kinda like it!

“Split” -my life with D.I.D and Hollywood

“Split” -my life with D.I.D and Hollywood

May 4, 2017

“Split”-My life with D.I.D and Hollywood

With the movie “Split” hitting the screens I thought now is the time to share my personal experience with D.I.D (Dissociative Identity Disorder)

I have had D.I.D from childhood. Dissociation helped me disappear into my mind when enduring severe childhood traumas. I learned to successfully, seamlessly switch from one part of me to another, at first to create a stronger me or a sweeter me or a manipulative me to survive the horrors and betrayals.

Dissociation kept me alive and developed into a coping skill for stress that I continued to use through high school, college, marriage and childbirth. Dissociation also served the need to keep the traumas hidden from my conscious mind. I feared revisiting those horrors could be lethal. All my split off “parts” feared the childhood threats to never tell anyone or a pet or my family would be harmed.

After a life-threatening emergency surgery in my late thirties, those inner cries screamed louder and and the nightmares and depression nearly killed me with suicidal attempts.

Keep reading

furiosa murder faces, continued

inthroughthesunroof reblogged this from fuckyeahisawthat and added:

Yes yes yes to all of this. I also love how much Charlize was able to just emote on screen without anyone worrying about whether she looked pretty doing it. She makes faces to the same degree Tom Hardy does - often the same faces. She goes cross-eyed when she headbutts people. She contorts her face in grief, in fear, in pain, and in rage, rage, rage.

I didn’t know how much I needed to see a woman modeling that before this movie came out. It’s… I think I’m fully comfortable with being female for the first time in my life. My gender is Furiosa.

I’m pulling this out into its own post because…this is actually a big deal, and it’s not weird at all that it’s having a dramatic impact on people. I’ve heard other women say things about how they felt the movie changed how they thought about their own gender too.

I wrote about it a little at the end of this post, but having a female action character who doesn’t have to look pretty when she fights–who looks like she’s actually fighting, not performing a fight for the audience–is a big deal. It’s such a mind-bogglingly simple thing, and yet we hardly ever see it. Just think how much we’re used to seeing something like this:

(I feel like I should apologize to Black Widow at this point…I keep using her as a counterexample, and really, it’s not her fault.)

There’s friggin’ dust on every surface in this shot, there’s an explosion in the background, and she still looks like she just stepped out of the makeup trailer and is doing a destructoporn photo shoot.

At best, we get something like this:

This is what I call the “PG-13 fight” look, in which you can spend half an hour of screen time battling aliens and come out of it with a maximum of two artfully placed face scrapes/blood trickles.

To be fair, I don’t know if either of the above images are a still from the actual film or a promotional image. But promotional images are part of how the studio wants you to perceive the film (if anything, they’re more stage-managed than the actual shoot) so I think they’re fair game for analysis.

This is a promotional image from Fury Road:

Dirt! Neck tendons! Murder face! I mean, she’s got blood on her teeth in this picture. And while she looks slightly less dirty in the hyper-saturated color scheme of the finished film, this is just a very different image than we’re used to seeing when it comes to women in action movies.

And faces…boy does she get to have an amazing range of facial expressions while fighting! Here, I’ve been collecting them.

Actually…these faces are not amazing at all. They are totally the normal range of faces a person who’s fighting for their life might make. We just don’t normally get to watch a woman fight like a person.

It’s like…she has a complete range of emotions…or something.

It’s like…when actors don’t have to perform some set of expectations about femininity (or masculinity, for that matter)…they get to actually…act. What an idea!

I just wish Nina would realize how loved she is. Atlanta is not the world. You need to get out of there girl. It’s clearly toxic for you. I know from experience how hard it is to move out of home. I’m 27 and I just now have a job where I make enough money to live on my own. With you saying you feel like you’re never good enough and that everyone is out to get you then you need to change something in your life in a dramatic way. You are too talented,creative,smart,brave,empowering,inspirational and beautiful inside and out to be thinking those thoughts and being treated that way. I’d say I hope you don’t change but that’s not healthy. It’s good to change and healthy to grow but what I mean is I love you the way you are and I don’t want society,the gay community or the drag community to make you feel like you are less than anyone else. Don’t let some bitches on a dumb reality tv show tell you to stop showing emotions. That ain’t constructive criticism. That’s just being a bitch. 😘💚

I don’t really know

my mind is spread around like piles of garbage

and mostly i’m worried for the quality of my writing

can’t deny it: it’s the only way i can feel like a parent.

Taking care of something.

And it’s certain that the only option is death. No drama to it, even if it sounds dramatic.

I just get so fucking bored without writing I might be dead. It’s not a choice, really.

I can’t have a choice in what I do best. I could sit in an office and write because it’s where my being is.

And I can’t change the system to make my life what i want it to be, it’s not a personal choice. I’d do something else? It’s either doing this or nothing. And a person can take only so much of nothing.

Philosophy helps. You need to find a bit of Epicurus in your life, a little bit of Diogenes, some Zen. Not the juvenile stuff they talk about nowadays, but that which is concretely living and eternal, that part which has history.

It needs to have a bit of dirt to it

I grew up in dirt and I don’t know what to do with all this sweetness

I have saved money just because i don’t care to use it

I am a bad person, yes.

But everyone has to deal with that, good and evil and beyond good and evil. No-one is really outside the reach of morality if they are human. You just have to deal with it, in some way.

I appreciate some aspects of religion, the communion and peace it can bring. Solace in this bizarre, brutal existence. I just abhor groups when they turn to violence, kind of sink into violence because it’s so easy

what is easy is not often right

so i’m living on welfare and i feel bad for it … because even when i’m ill as i am i still think i can give something

but enough

anonymous asked:

Why are you a Christian?

Great question.

I just think it makes sense. I look at the world, and I am in awe. I refuse to believe that all of this is an accident. Did you know that a caterpillar has 228 separate and distinct muscles in its head? That’s quite a few, for a bug. Coral plants are so sensitive that they can die if the water temperature varies by even one or two degrees. Or what about the simple fact that plants take carbon dioxide (which is harmful to us) and produce oxygen (which we need to survive)? I’m sure you knew that, but have you ever marveled at it? And these same poison-swallowing, life-giving plants came from tiny seeds that were placed in the dirt. Some were watered, some weren’t; but after a few days they poked through the soil and out into the warm sunlight. (crazy love)

I am amazed. I have an undeserved life.  My life has been dramatically changed. The love of Christ changes us and we are never the same once we encounter Him. God is in the business of changing lives for the better. I want that. Don’t you? :) 

My California Dream, Ch. 1

Matthew Gray Gubler rp fanfic

Long Introduction


It was a beautiful, sunny day in California as I rose from my bed to see the sun sipping through my window. I had just moved to Los Angeles from Louisiana looking for new beginnings and new life. Today is my first full day in sunny L.A. This is a most dramatic change of scenery. I am a small town girl now living in a big city. I know I can make it work but it will be scary as I am on my own, just my cat, Simba and myself living in a small apartment.

The apartment was a modest one bedroom with the essential furniture and appliances needed to live which the property owners provided graciously at no cost to me. The building was a two-story complex in a rather low maintenance part of the city by the standards of a largely celebrity city. I was lucky to find this place on my limited budget. I was simply working as an extra in movies and TV shows which I started back in Louisiana. By the suggestion of the casting agency, I should move to California to find more opportunities for extra roles. Therefore, I saved the money and moved. Now here on this sunny Monday, I am going to go out into this world of glitz and glamour and look for those opportunities.

Getting out of bed, I walked to the window and opened the curtain to let in the light. It was not only a beautiful day but also a beautiful view of the city, even the valley as far as the eyes can see. I stood there for a few moments to take it all in. Simba meowed snapping me completely back to reality. I bent down to pet him and asked, ‘You hungry son.’ He meowed in response. I closed back the curtain walked out the bedroom and headed to the kitchen to feed him, and made breakfast for myself.

Sitting at the table sipping my coffee, my phone rang startling me. It was the casting agency. I picked it up and said hello. The woman on the other line responded with the customary hello and then proceeded to tell me that a popular television series was casting extras and that I should go audition. That sounded good to me so I got the information and hung up the phone. I think my mouth had dropped to the floor because she said the show was Criminal Minds. I was both nervous and happy at the prospect. I finished my coffee, pet Simba again, then went into my bedroom to put on the best clothes I had.

Walking out the building, I felt the heat of the sun. It was not hot, at least, not Louisiana hot, but I felt the warmth of the sun hitting my skin. It was also quite bright so I put my sunglasses on. I walked a few feet to the corner so I can flag down a cab. I had the piece of paper in my hand with the information on where I needed to go for the audition. Looking down at it, I barely noticed a car stopped in front of me. I looked up stunned to see a black mid-size car with tinted windows. The person rolled down the window. It was a man, rather attractive, with short blonde hair and blue eyes. He smiled at me.

“Excuse me. You look lost. May I help you?”

He asked me. Still stunned and now feeling uneasy I responded,

“I am fine. I am just waiting to catch a cab.”

“I see. I did not mean to startle you. Have a nice day.”

“Same to you”

I responded and with that, he smiled, rolled up his window and pulled away. I was still a little shaken from the encounter that I almost missed the cab passing by. I hurried and flagged down the cab. The cabbie pulled up and asked where I needed to go and told him and hopped in the back of the car. He politely introduced himself then pulled off to my destination.

On the way to the set, the cabbie and I had a polite conversation while I looked at everything as we passed by. He told me of the popular places and best places to eat. He evidently lived in L.A. for a long time, if not all his life. I did not ask if he was.

We finally arrived to my destination at ABC Studios. I told him thank you and told him to keep the change. I got out the car and headed to the gate where they had a sign, which read ‘Extra Casting Enter Here’, so I followed that sign. I was greeted by a security guard who got my information and handed me a pass to enter the grounds of the studio. I followed the directions he gave and found my way to the area where many other hopefuls were.

I got to the line and stood there looking around the place. I smiled and said hello to people who looked at me, they politely acknowledged but did not speak. They had some beautiful, well-dressed people in line, which made me uncomfortable. My mind started to wander, ‘Why am I here? These people look better than I do. I will not get chosen’. I heard footsteps behind me, snapping my mind back to reality. I turned to see a girl all giddy with excitement.

“Hi! Is this the line to the extra casting for Criminal Minds?” she asked me.

“Yes, it is.”

I responded amused by her giddiness.

“Great! I’m Cindy.”

She held out her hand to shake mine. I shook it.

“I’m Tee, nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too. Have you done this before? This is my first time.”

I smiled. “I was an extra in a few television shows that were filmed in my home state of Louisiana.”

“Oh wow, that is so cool. Please excuse my excitement but I love this show and I love Matthew so I hope to get a part and meet him.”

She said even more excitingly.

I couldn’t help but laugh. I totally understood the feeling.

“Yes. I am a fan, too.”

“Oh my gosh, Matthew is so dreamy.“

My stomach tighten because I have a crush on him, as well. However, I will not let that bother me or sabotage my audition.

She was so excited. She looked like she was going to jump out of her skin. Judging by her excitement and youthfulness, I would say she was in her early twenties.

A voice from behind us rang out startling both of us,

“Everyone, may I have your attention?”

We both turned to look a tall, bearded man with glasses.

“We are glad you can join us. We will be looking to hire 10-15 extras to play a variety of parts on our show.”

He continued to talk about the show and the requirements. I listened to him talk but my mind started to think of Matthew. Now I was even more nervous. I thought, ‘What if I got a part? What if I meet him? What would I say?’ I don’t think I heard much more of what the bearded man was saying as my mind wandered. Cindy, who was beside me, nudged my shoulder.

“Oh My God! Did you hear that? Some of us may have scenes with Matthew!”

All I could say is, wow. I thought, ‘I would not be that lucky’. Looking at Cindy, she could have been hopping around like a bunny with all her excitement. I just had to smile at her. However, my smile faded a little when I noticed a few feet behind her the same man who had stopped to offer me a ride earlier. He saw me and smiled. Now I felt panicked. Did he follow me here or was it just a coincidence? I had to shake the panic feeling so I turned away and headed toward the area for auditions.

The room we entered was nice and cozy, although they had many cameras and people around. The bearded man, whose name was Dan, separated us in groups. Cindy and I were in the same group. By this time, her excitement subsided. She had become more nervous than I was. My nervousness was bad but I felt compelled to be strong for Cindy. I guess it was a mother instinct since she was younger. I have always been a helpful person.

A woman stepped out from a room and began to walk to our group. Cindy perked up.

“Oh My God! That’s Kirsten!”

I looked and realized that it was her.

“It sure is.”

Kirsten, who was wearing a bright colored outfit, came up to us, smiled, and introduced herself.

“Hello, my name Kirsten. Welcome to our lovely home.”

She laughed. We all laughed. She asked all our names. We were a group of six so it did not take long.

“I am waiting for Matthew to come bring some sample scripts. In the meantime, let us do some acting exercises.”

She began to explain what acting exercises meant. Cindy nudged me, speaking in my ear,

“Did she just say Matthew?”

I nodded, “Yes, she did”.

“Oh my god, I think I am going to faint.”

I nudged her back, “Please don’t.”

Kirsten noticed us chatting.

“Are you two alright?”

We looked at her. I responded,

“We’re fine. Just nervous.”

She smiled,

“Oh, that’s alright. I still get nervous, as well. No worries.”

Kirsten moved on to talk to another person in our group. Cindy looked at me.

“This is so exciting.”

“Yes it is, my friend.”

We continued to have a conversation in an attempt to calm our nerves. It seemed to be working until she looked away. Her face dropped so I looked to see why. I felt my own face drop to see Matthew walking our way. However, I quickly controlled my reaction and elbowed Cindy back to reality. She shook it off and smiled as he got close to our group. He was grinning from ear to ear.

“Hi all, I’m Matthew. Welcome to the set. How are you all?”

We all responded fine practically in unison which made us all laugh. Kirsten was now standing by Matthew with whom she took scripts from and handed to the people she was talking to. Matthew stepped toward Cindy and I and smiled.

“Here are the scripts. We marked the page that you will audition for.”

He was looking directly at me as he said this. I felt my heart pump fast as I looked into his brown eyes. Then he looked at Cindy and handed her the script. She grabbed it then dropped it. She bent to grab it and muttered sorry. Matthew laughed.

“It’s okay. I understand that you are nervous. What are your names?”

“I’m Tee and this is Cindy.”

We both reached out to shake his hand to which he held out with a smile.

“Nice to meet you both. You seem like friends.”

We both giggled.

“Actually, we meet in line.”

Cindy was able to say despite her extreme nervousness.

“Wow, I assumed you have been friends for a while. Sorry for misinterpreting.”

“It’s okay. We were chatting in line and just clicked.”

I looked at Cindy and she nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, Tee is cool to talk to. I’m glad we met.”

Matthew looked at me and smiled.

“That’s great. It’s always good to make new friends.”

Cindy was so nervous, poor thing. I looked at her and giggled. I could not help it. She was so excited. I don’t blame her either. Matthew was cute, charming, and funny. I would love to hang out with him. He just kept smiling at us. Just then Kirsten called for Cindy to go over to her. She told us bye and walked over to her. I looked in that direction for a moment then looked back at Matthew. He was smiling.

“You will be auditioning soon. Would you like to run through the lines?”

I nodded, “Yes.”

We opened the scripts and began to rehearse. I could not help but look at him. He was so cute. I tried not to let him notice me looking at him so I put my eyes into the script. We read the lines to each other and he gave me tips. I am not sure how long we were standing there, however, because Mr. Dan spoke into a megaphone which startled me and made Matthew laugh.

“You alright?” he cracked.

“Yes, I’m fine. I just was not expecting that.”

Matthew was smiling, amused.

“He does that a lot.”

We all turned to listen to him give more directions on how the auditions will be. Now the auditions would begin with him and a few other crew members. By this time, Cindy and the others in our group were all together. Kirsten and Matthew gave some more advice and wished us good luck. We all told them thank you. They waved and excused themselves. Matthew looked directly at me and smiled. I blushed but smiled. Cindy noticed and nudged me.

“Oh my goodness, did Matthew just smile at you? You are so lucky.”

I looked at my new friend amused.

“He is being a gentleman.”

She giggled and was about to say something when her name was called, startling both of us. I gave her a hug and wished her luck. She said thanks and was off to audition. I hung out close to my group until my name was called but I could not help feeling like I was being watched. I felt uneasy but I hoped it was Matthew. This is wishful thinking on my part. I began to look around to see if someone was watching me or if it was just my nervousness. I scanned the room for a minute and noticed someone was watching me, the same guy who offered me a ride earlier in the day. I turned away from the guy but still felt his stare which made me feel uneasy. This really was not helping my nerves. Thankfully, Mr. Dan finally called my name to audition. I headed to the designated area without looking back at the strange guy.

After the audition, I felt calmer. Mr. Dan said I did a good job and that they will be calling on extras in a few days. I thank him and hoped to receive a call. Walking out of the area, I looked around for Cindy but I didn’t see her. I thought, oh well, I guess she left. I continued to walk to the exit paying a lot of attention to everything around me. Of course, I told everyone I passed by bye and thank you. They responded in kind. Finally I was outside to realize that the clouds came in blocking the sun. Unusual for California I heard but rain was much needed here. I passed the guard by and told him bye and thank you. He also responded in kind. I must say that everyone I met so far have been nice. Now out of the studio, I was looking to hail a cab. I felt someone watching me again. I thought, not that guy again. I looked around and saw no one. Thinking to myself, ‘Tee, get a grip on yourself.’ Finally, a cab came around so I flagged him down. He stopped and asks where I needed to go. I told him to the nearest restaurant. I was hungry. He nodded politely. I hopped in and off we went. Driving off, I couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched. I looked behind us but didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. Just a few vehicles behind us and passing us by. The cab driver distracted my thoughts and asks if I liked Italian. I said yes so he suggested a place that was not far. I agreed and we continued on our way.

The cabbie stopped at an Italian restaurant called Luige’s. I giggled at the name because it made me think of the Mario Brothers game.  The cabbie said it was a great place to eat so I paid him and let myself out. I walked into the place. It was very nice. A young lady asked if I would be dining in. I said yes so she showed me to a table. I thanked her and sat down with a menu to see what I wanted to order. A few minutes passed before a waiter can to serve me. I told him I did not know what I wanted. He suggested a few things, asked for my drink order, then politely said that he will be back in a few to take my meal order. He left. I looked around the place and realized that I was the only person sitting alone. I just shrugged my shoulders. I looked back at the menu to decide what I wanted. I saw a shadow come up to me. Thinking it was the waiter, I looked up. However, he was not the waiter. I was looking at Matthew’s smiling face.

“Hello Tee. It’s nice to see you, again.”

I smiled.

“Nice to see you too.”

“I come here often. Luige’s makes the best pizza. Do you like pizza?”

“Yes, I love pizza.”

I responded, perhaps to excitedly. He laughed.

“Awesome. May I join you?”

“Of course.”

I smiled. He sat down across from me still smiling. The waiter came over and asked for our orders. Matthew looked at me.

“Whatever the lady wants.”

I giggled. I ended up ordering my favorite pizza, pepperoni and bacon, thin crust with extra cheese. Matthew nodded his approval. The waiter wrote it down then left.

Matthew, still smiling, which was making me weak inside, began asking me about myself and talked about himself. We chatted back and forth giggling and having a good time. It felt good to get to know someone, make a friend. Even better that it was someone I liked.

Matthew and I finished our meal. We continued to chat for a while after. He looked down at his watch.

“I really should go now. I have to meet up with a friend.”

I smiled.

“I understand. I should be getting home to my cat.”  

He smiled back got up and offered his hand and a hug which I graciously took. He smelled nice. He offered to pay for the meal, which was very nice of him and walked me outside to catch a cab. We said our goodbyes as he helped me into the cab. He smiled and waved as the cab rolled away. Of course, I waved back. I felt like I was on cloud nine.

I must have been in la-la land when the cabbie announced that we were at my apartment complex. I handed the cabbie his money, said thank you and was out the door. He drove off. However, I still had an uneasy feeling like I was being watched. I look around but saw nothing. I then hurried into the complex to my apartment. I walked into my apartment and locked the door immediately. Simba was lying on the sofa and meowed his greeting. I petted him as I passed him by to expect my place to make sure no one else was there. It was just Simba and I. I felt more at ease now. Therefore, I took a shower and got ready for bed.


To be continued…


Terena G. Pickett (2016)