i need a cold shower now jesus

Ok but listen...

Mr. and Mrs. Smith AU with Jack and Ashi as undercover assassins tasked with killing each other. It obviously does not go well (for their bosses).

I… I may or may not be writing this right now. Because the idea is too hilarious and sexy (REALLYYY SEXY) for me to ignore. Jesus.

Moments

AO3

They had a file. A file of moments that no one else should see. A file of moments that was just for them. Put together, these moments would equal about four hours. It seemed like a lot, but they had made hundreds of videos together over the years. Even videos they weren’t in together had moments. Since they lived with each other, and helped each other film, there was always something to edit out for the rest of the world to never see.

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anonymous asked:

Cute/funny scenario with Hanamiya and s/o when they both can't sleep?

“Will you quit kicking me?!” He snapped, whirling around to glare at you in the darkness.

You whined, alternating between lying on either of your sides again and again. “I can’t help it! I can’t find a good position to sleep in!”

“That’s what you get for napping for six hours in the middle of the day.” He growled and shut his eyes. “Now go the fuck to sleep ‘cause I need mine.”

“Makoto,” you groaned, scooting closer towards him and pressing up your front against his back, your arms sliding around his waist.

Silence. “Are you spooning me?”

“…No.”

“Are you trying to be the big spoon?”

“…No.”

He huffed and flipped the two of you over, his arms wrapping around you, including your arms and trapping you down in place. “Shut the fuck up and sleep. I’m so goddamn tired.”

His heat was radiating into you and it was stressing you out because then it got too warm and too uncomfortable way too damn fast. You wanted to scream as you attempted to wrangle out of his grasp. Hanamiya scolded you again but you were still trying to wriggle around, trying to loosen his death hold on you. “Makoto! It’s so hot! Get off me!”

“If I do then you won’t stop fucking moving around.”

“Oh my God, it’s way too warm.” You pressed your lips together and shot deadly looks at the boring blank wall that faced you. “Also, we need more pictures. Our wall is so bare and boring. I can’t sleep like this.”

“Are you seriously talking about walls right now?”

“I want pictures on it.”

“Jesus, you’re so fucking annoying.”

It was so hot and you just wanted something to cool you down. Maybe a cold shower but that’ll only wake you up even more. “I want ice cream. It’s hot and ice cream sounds nice. Actually, no, a popsicle. Ice cream is too sticky—”

“Angel, I swear to God, I fucking adore you but I will wrestle you to death if you don’t shut your mouth and let me sleep. It’s 3 fucking AM.”

“I can’t sleep. I have too much energy!”

He caved. Pinning you down onto the bed, he stared deep into your eyes with a feral look, indicating what was to come. “Listen to me. Right now, I’m going to fuck you and fuck that goddamn energy out of you. You will scream and do whatever the fuck you want to get all of it out and I’ll make sure you’re out cold by the time I’m done.”

“Fine. Deal.”

Not even twenty minutes later, Hanamiya wanted to bang his head against the wall and jump out of the fucking window. After priming you up and getting himself heated and awake, he was goddamn ready to push himself into you to find you snoring away the night. Fucking sonuvabitch.

You were going to fucking get it tomorrow.

I could never get hired as a TWD cameraman

If I was behind the camera while Andy/Rick and Danai/Michonne were kissing, I would forget that my ass needs to be silent. I’d be having all the commentary:

“oh shit, I thought I read the script but I never could’ve imagined this”

*moistens own lips*

“hmph, good lord.”

“did he just grab her booty!?”

*heavy panting*

“I’m so used to giving and now I get to receive!”

“jesus, my heart.”

“is it possible I can go home during lunch, so I can take a cold shower?”

“No Norman, I can’t add you to the scene. Gimple already gave me orders.”

(zooms in camera x1000 on their mouths) *Gimple monitoring the screens from the back* Him: “Hey I told you I wanted from the waist up” Me: “Sorry, I slipped.” Him: this is the 10th time!

Niall’s chest hair is my favorite thing on earth.

And right now I’d like you all to enjoy it with me.

Let’s begin..

x Hanna niallschestrug and I have been drooling over this picture for what seems like days now. Let’s all just take a moment and look at the scruffy side view of his chest hair. Doesn’t it make you fingers itch to touch it? Gah.

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