i nearly peed myself

so this one time at band camp...

so the other day, i sent a message to my friend, the drum major.

i sent him that textpost and he said he would do that at camp, y’know, to be funny. well, it didnt exactly fit his song he was conducting. he told one of the other drum majors, who was conducting in cut time, to do it instead. she had waited until the last day of band camp at the last rehearsal before we packed up to leave. she blew the whistle and counted off, only to shout “a-one, a-two, a-skiddly-diddly-do” at the top of her lungs across the entire marching field. literally everyone froze and she just stopped conducting. the band director had us practice that song with that in there, and he wants to keep it in the marching show. what have i done.

anonymous asked:

I nearly peed myself laughing earlier after a customer left. She came all the way from customer service, LIVID because they wouldn't let her get a refund for a vhs player she "bought last week", but didn't have the receipt for it because "the cashier forgot to give it to me". Not only did the vhs player looked like it was used for 15 years minimum, we haven't had any in stock for over 2 years, so she couldn't have bought it last week. She threatened to call corporate. I was all "go ahead :)"

“In the Fall of 2010, I was studying abroad in Florence, Italy. I lived in an apartment with several other girls in a building that was over 500 years old (I know this because a girl threw up on the stairs the year before and the school was charged a great deal of money “for destroying a staircase older than America.”).

Everything was normal until October. I was sitting in bed and only two roommates were home. It was around 1:30am when I heard a girl crying in the bathrooms behind my room. I found that odd because I had thought that the girl who who it sounded like (let’s call her Jane) had already gone to bed hours before. I got up to go see what was wrong.

My bedroom door faced the kitchen door at the end of the hallway that connected the bathrooms to the rest of the apartment, and when I stepped out, I saw my other roommate that was home, so asked if she had heard Jane crying in the bathroom. She had not, so I walked over to the bathrooms.

I called out Jane’s name, but didn’t hear a reply. The wing was empty. I walked over to Jane’s room where I peeked in and saw her sleeping. I figured I was just hearing things because there was no way that anyone in the bathrooms could have snuck past me.

Nothing happened for the next couple of weeks until I was completely alone in the apartment. It was around 1:30 again, and I was sitting on my bed, messaging my friends back home when I heard it. Like a recording, I heard the same girl crying. This time, I was frozen in fear because I knew that I was completely alone. After some silence, I found my voice and asked aloud in Florentine if someone was there. A few seconds went by when the wall I was leaning against (the wall of one of the bathrooms) shook with a bang, like someone had slammed their fist into it. I nearly shat myself. I may have peed a little.

I didn’t hear the crying again until December when, you guessed it, I was alone in the apartment again, in my room. Like before, the crying started around 1:30. I heard the same female whimpering. I sat still and didn’t hear anything after. I somehow managed to fall asleep and I swear I woke up no less than two times because it felt like someone was stroking my cheek. I’m not sure if it was my brain making things up, but I never wake up in the middle of the night.

I never said anything until I was talking to the girl I shared a room with months later. She basically told me that she didn’t want to scare me while we were living there, but every time she was alone, late on weekends, she would hear a girl crying. I was even more freaked out when she perfectly mimicked the crying I had been hearing for months. None of our roommates ever heard the crying, but we’re not sure if it’s because we were right against the bathroom wall.”

By: irresentthat (Creepypasta are great, but does anyone have any good true creepy stories?)

BTS reaction to s/o crying while reading a book

A/N: Hope you read it well !!! sorry for the wait loves :)

Namjoon:

You were in yours and Namjoon’s shared room on the couch that over looks the city. You were curled up reading your latest favorite book, the part that you were reading as really angsty. Soon enough you started damping the pages you were reading with your tears. You choked on a sob as you kept reading, surely you actually did start sobbing. With heavy footsteps that can cause an earthquake Namjoon sprinted all the way up the stairs and to your room to see what happened. 

“Baby, baby, what’s wrong?” He asked you kneeled in front of you

“T-t-this book is so sad” you replied

Namjoon just stared at you and started laughing.

“Your crying over a book, I thought something serious had happened.” He said in between his laugh

You grabbed the pillow next to you an whacked him a couple of times in the face.

“Alright, I’m leaving.”

Jin:

While Jin was cooking dinner for the both of you and you were reading your favorite book on the couch waiting for him to finish. This was the second time reading this book and yet you still managed to shed tears while reading it. Right now, the plot became very dark and sad the you full on started drowning in your own tears. Jin could her your sniffles and he quickly with apron and spoon in hand went to see why is his dear girlfriend crying. 

“y/n, why are you crying?” he asked you while hugging you

“This book makes me cry,” you replied

“You made me stop from cooking my best recipe yet because you’re crying over a book, really?”

“In my defense, you make over here on your own,” you told him giggling

He kissed you over ten time on the cheeks and left back to the kitchen.

“Dinner’s almost ready cry baby.”

Yoongi:

Yoongi was staying late at the studio working on some things for bts’s new comeback. You were reading a new book that has you addicted. You can never put it down and Yoongi would get annoyed when he wants attention but you’re focusing on the book. You were sprawled across the sofa while reading your book and you got to the very emotional part in which the main character dies, you couldn’t hold your tears so you sat up and cried into the sleeve of your sweater. Yoongi quickly took noticed that you were crying but he knew it was because to the book. He could recall countless of other times he witnessed you crying because of a book. He turned around in his chair and started mocking you crying.

‘Omg,thiss book is soo sad, ”He exaggerated in a high pitched voice

“I-i don’t sound l-like that,” you said wiping your eyes

“Whatever you say baby, keep quite though the genius is at work,” he said

“Can’t believe I’m dating a jerk,” you said joking

“I heard that beauitful.”

Hoseok:

You decided to accompany Hoseok in his dance practice, while he was doing all the beautiful and smooth he does, you were occupied with a novel your friend recommend. She was not lying when she said this book will have you crying like a toddler. Here you are crying in the corner of the practice book, you felt ridiculous but your sensitive. Hoseok turned around he saw that you were huddled up and crying, he thought it was cute yet really worrying.

“Are you okay?” he asked

“No” you replied

“Well, what’s wrong with you y/n” he asked 

“this book I’m reading is so sad,” you sniffled

You proceeded to tell him the plot and the reason why you were crying like a lunatic in the practice room. 

“Wow, I haven’t even read it and I almost cried as well.”

Jimin:

Jimin was in the living room taking pictures and videos because he calimed that “that’s where the best lighting is at” meanwhile you were upstairs in your shared bed reading a very good book. The book got serious and the storyline grew weary. The character’s husband has died and you found this part extremely upsetting. You started to tear up and eventually cry into your pillow because the emotion and the actions of the characters got to you. You then started to put yourself in the main characters shoes and think about what if that ever happened to you? 

“JIMIN” You yelled

Jimin could feel his heart drop at the sound of your voice without thinking twice he ran up the stairs almost tripping twice. 

“y/n, y/n what happened are you okay?” He asked as he bretahed hard

All you did was stand up and wrap you arms over his waist and rest your head on the crook of his neck. 

“This book made me sad,” You explained

He kissed you on the forehead and started to chuckle.

“Gosh,baby, I nearly peed myself because I though you were in trouble.”

Taehyung:

Taehyung was next to you when you started o read the book and he proceeded to cuddle up next to you as you were focusing on finishing this book you’ve been reading. As he heard sniffling he quickly look up to see you with tears rolling down your face. 

“Baby, don’t cry.” he told you once he cleaned your eye

“I’m sorry it’s just so sad,” you told him

He started to kiss you everywhere and then he had the idea to start tickling you. You almost died when he kept tickling you for the longest. Taehyung pulled you in for a peck and said “I hope you’re cheered up.”

Jungkook:

Jungkook of course was playing overwatch as you were finishing a very depressing novel. You hit the peak of the sadness in that book and started to cry because the girl in the book was having a hard time. Jungkook noticed that you started crying but he stood still not knowing what to do. He blankly started at the screen of his laptop while his girlfriend was next o him crying. Jungkook hesitantly put his arm around your shoulder and pulled you into his side. 

“Um, are you okay love?” He asked timidly

“Yeah, this book got me worked up.” You told him

“Uh okay,”

You kissed his cheek in hopes of easing his awkwardness and visibly he relaxed. 

“Why do you have to cry when you know I can’t comfort you without being all weird.” he whined

I'm literally one follower away from 1k and honestly I'm in awe.

I never thought this account would catch. I nearly peed myself when my first fic got one note. Seriously. And I definitely never thought it would grow this much in just a little over a month. Wow. Just wow. Thank-you all so much. This is amazing. Creating this account, writing fanfiction, making edits…it’s all given me a sense of community and purpose I’ve really been needing. Thank you. I can’t say it enough. I really and truly appreciate every single one of you. 💖

About the finale
  • Lena Headey and Peter Dinklage deserve the world. THE WORLD.
  •  Bronn the Lord ( 💕 💕 ) bonding with Tyrion. A reminder of the time when GoT was an excellent show. Not just a passable one.
  • Qyburn’s eyes light up at the wight’s appearance. Why?
  • CLEGANEBOWL!!!
  • Jaime did a good thing. Now go find Brienne man, all is not yet lost.
  • That transition shot of the seven kingdoms enveloped in snow was actually beautiful.
  • Wow Bronn never told his sisters but told rando Tarly about Jon being Aegon.
  • JON BEING AEGON? WHY THE SICK FUCK WOULD YOU NAME BOTH YOUR SONS AEGON, RHAEGAR?
  • Oh, the disrespect. THE DISRESPECT. Fall to your feet, you hormonal douches, and beg forgiveness of Elia.
  • Juxtaposition with boatbang? EW.
  • EW EW EW
  • Okay, best part of the whole finale. Stark kids giving the receipt to Creepyfinger. I nearly peed myself squealing. ARYA SANSA my babies, come, lemme protect you!!!! That was the best, most richly satisfying moment of the whole fucking finale.
  • BEG FORGIVENESS RAGGER!

anonymous asked:

Some dog toys have um, awkward shapes. Some look like sex toys. And there's one in particular that looks like a butt plug. It's kinda funny, kinda weird, like who designs these, y'know?? But. A little kid was wandering up and down the aisle where the rubber dog toys are, and runs back to his dad waving THAT particular one and shouts "look daddy! This is the one from mommy's drawer!" I was stocking nearby and nearly choked. I had to dart away because I almost peed myself laughing

Omg! 😂😂😂😂

the interview. (chris evans x reader)

pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

summary: Chris and the reader are starring together in the new Avengers movie, and the reader gets quite the surprise when Chris shows up during one of her interviews.

word count: 2066

trigger warnings: none. pure fluff.


Keep reading

I had an epiphany and nearly peed myself laughing

So you know how Marrish is getting so much hate for being “rushed” and “shoved down our throats”? Well after rewatching seasons one and two I realized something funny about the timing of tw relationships. I made this bar graph to illustrate an estimated number of weeks each ship has lasted in canon:

Looking at the FACTS, I realized that Marrish has had a flirtatious friendship for THREE TIMES LONGER than Scallison (probs the most beloved canon ship) even dated. Marrish has also been an innocent friendship for as long as Stalia and Scira have been dating. 

Lydia and Jordan have literally known each other and been friends without acting on any feelings for each other over SIX TIMES LONGER than Stalia and Scira knew each other before getting together. And like 30 times longer than Scallison did.

So why the crap are all these haters calling Marrish rushed? Whether you like Marrish or not, it is a FACT that they have the slowest developing relationship (with solid evidence of its potential to become canon) in ALL OF TEEN WOLF. 

So build a bridge and get over it, cuz it looks like JD has special plans for this one.

2

Imagine: Sam and Dean trying to find out what you’re afraid of.

(One day I might actually write something only a page long, but today is not that day.)

You giggled taking a sip of your drink as you sat back in your chair. For the past twenty minutes Dean had been recounting anecdotes of the time Sam had gotten scared on hunts, which was countered by the hilarious tale of the time Dean concocted Ghost Sickness. Sam took a victory swig as Dean worked out a flimsy counter argument.

“C’mon Dean,” Sam tried smothering his grin, “You jumped like three feet straight into the air and screamed in perfect falsetto when that cat popped out.”

The comment spurred on a new wave of giggles and you hid your face behind the bottle. Dean’s playful ire turned to you.

“Y/n, c’mon, it’s not that funny.” He said even as smile pulled at his lips.

“You’re right, it’s even funnier.” You gasped out wiping a tear from your eye. “I’m holding back. Out of respect for you.”

“Ha ha. And what, you’ve never gotten scared on a hunt?”

“Oh, sure. All the time,” You smiled pleasantly.

“Yeah, like when?” Dean prompted.

“Yeah, Y/n. We told you ours…” Sam gestured between them.

“Okay, sure.” You paused thinking back on my previous hunts with nothing immediately coming to mind. “Well, there was the time that a Vamp got my neck and was dangling blood over my mouth. It missed and landed on my cheek, but I was so scared I nearly peed myself.”

“Oh, c’mon! That’s not the same thing.” Dean threw up his hand. “That’s no irrational fear of clowns like Sammy has.”

“Dude!” Sam shot Dean a look. “I told you no more clown talk.”

“Well, no.” You agreed, “But it did scare me senseless. Like the time I guy bit me and I thought it was a werewolf, but it was really a college student wacked out on drugs.”

“That’s just sad.” Dean said.

“I guess I just don’t have any irrational fears, that I know of, or Ghost Sickness.”

The boys exchanged a meaningful look, but the conversation was dropped.

Claustrophobia

The boys talked in a low voice behind you as you stalked down the hall. The house was empty, the only light piped in from the street lamps outside. You approached the front door pausing to look into the living room. Suddenly, a hand encircled your upper arm and flung you into the coat closet. A hanger wiggled next to your ear and a couple of neglected winter coats pressed against you. You reached out turning the knob, but the door was being held shut.

“Uh, guys?” You called out. “Why are you locking me in the closet?”

“I told you this wouldn’t work.” Sam whispered fiercely.

I knocked on the wood softly. “So… Can I come out now?”

The door opened and I stepped out. Both men looked sheepish.

“Sorry, Sammy slipped.” Dean offered in way of explanation.

Arachnophobia

“Let’s go through here.” Sam suggested holding his arm out in a gesture to let me walk forward first.

You moved forward under the low hanging branches of an old Oak. The path was dusty and overgrown, but you stepped through it on the way to the graveyard. You walked in silence until Sam cleared his throat. The two had been acting weird lately, so you ignored it at first.

“Uh, Y/n?” Sam spoke up.

“Hm?”

“You have a spider on your shoulder.”

You automatically reached up and brushed off your jacket.

“Never mind it fell off.”

I stopped looking around, “Oh, I hope I didn’t squish him.”

You glimpsed the plastic form of a fake spider, but pretended to overlook it. They’re ridiculous behavior beginning to make sense. You looked at Dean pleased when you spotted a real spider on his jacket. You reached out and he immediately tensed up looking at Sam. You made a claw around the spider and held it up to him.

“Ah, you had a spider on you too.” He made a face. “Don’t worry it’s just a Daddy Long Leg.” You teased.

Necrophobia & Taphophobia

“This is going too far.” Sam whispered shoveling up a pile of dirt.

“I know, but we’ve tried a hundred things already.” Dean whispered back burying the shovel into hard soil.

“Fine, but you’re responsible if Y/n decides to kill us.”

You hopped down into the grave at the Winchesters’ suggestion. You had an inkling this was another one of their tests. They handed you the crow bar and you lifted up the coffin’s lid after some struggling. The old wood gave way revealing a dried skeleton.

“Is there a journal or anything in the grave?” Sam asked.

“You might need to shift the stiff around to see in case it fell below.” Dean added with a knowing smile to his brother.

You shook my head trying to hide your amusement. You lifted the skeleton into a sitting position, then felt around below.  Something hard hit your back and you fell into the coffin. You moved to your knees wrapping your arms around the skeleton.

“Darling, do you mind? It’s three in the morning.” You said loudly. “Talk about your early morning boners.”

Sam rolled his eyes. You  pivoted taking  hold of the skeleton’s arms. YouI pulled them up causing the skeleton to give the boys an ‘oh well’ gesture, your bluff almost breaking with a grin.

At the bunker you sat down in the study. The boys walked in a moment later and Sam handed you a book before sitting down across from you joining Dean. You pretended to not notice them staring at you in anticipation. You cracked the book slightly and something inside gave resistance. You braced yourself. The book popped open and cloth snakes with coils sprang from the pages and rolled on the table. You looked at the boys with expectant look.

Finally, Dean slapped the table. “Fine! I give up! You aren’t afraid of anything.”

“Is that what this is all about?’ You inquired in faux innocence. Dean huffed looking away and Sam knitted his brows apologetically. “Fine, if you really want to know what I’m afraid of, I’ll tell you.”

Sam glanced at his brother who was giving his full attention now. “Really?”

“Yes, but don’t make fun of me.” They nodded and you spun your lie, “I’m afraid of thunder.”

“Shit, thunder! Of course!” Dean plopped back in his seat. He slapped Sam’s shoulder. “I told you we should have done thunder!”

“What? No you didn’t! I was the one who said-”

You leaned back trying to hide the crafty little grin spreading over your face. A little white lie never hurt anyone, right?

anonymous asked:

What are your funniest stories to tell? I think that would improve my mood 1000%

Oh dear.  Throwing down the gauntlet, I see!  Hm.

Okay.  So one time I met my husband in Austin for lunch and then we drove home in tandem.  First, you have to understand that my husband is a state trooper, so he drives a black and white cruiser.  This tends to intimidate other drivers, who are immediately on their best behavior around him.

Everyone was stacking up behind him and I got tired of it, so I swung around the line of traffic and passed everyone and basically raced my husband in his cruiser and gave everyone on the road heart attacks.

~~~

One day my husband and I were in the living room and we heard a loud thumping and crashing from the other end of the house.  A few seconds later, my cat Finnick came tearing into the room, his head stuck through the handle of a paper bag that he’d apparently been investigating.

He went straight for me, because I = safety, but he was so panicky that he couldn’t be still long enough for me to rescue him.  He literally bounced off my boobs and went tearing back through the house to the other end and then BACK through, up onto my chest again and over the side of the chair (knocking over everything on my table in the process, including my open soda) to collapse in a breathless, panting heap.

I managed to reach down and divest him of his papery burden, despite the helpless tears rolling down my cheeks, and then he wanted to cuddle until he’d put the nightmare behind him.

I am a horrible person for laughing so hard.

~~~

In a similar vein, I once owned four horses, one of whom, Tar, was a very curious, inquisitive young colt.  I would tie a plastic bag to a whip and shake it to get them to perk up and pose for my camera, and one day I set the whip down while I fiddled with the camera and Tar picked it up in his teeth and trotted off.

The plastic bag blew over his face and he promptly panicked, but not being a MENSA candidate, he didn’t drop the whip.  No, he bolted for safety - his herd.  Who promptly freaked out at seeing that the dreaded plastic bag had EATEN TAR, OMG, and took off in a thunder of hooves.

Tar, of course, followed them at speed, blindly tracking their hoofbeats because he couldn’t actually see, and there was this whirlwind of horses galloping madly around the pasture for about a solid minute before Tar managed to drop the whip and safely rejoin his herd.  

I, on the other hand, laughed so hard I nearly peed myself, and the worst part was that I’d just run out of film in my camera, so I don’t have photographic evidence!  A true tragedy.

~~~

If I think of more, I’ll post them, okay, Nonny?  Feel better!