i named it shimmy

Dates and Deal Breakers- Coffee Shop AU

So, I promised @takemeawaytocamelot that this would be finished by the end of the week, and I always keep my promises!

This is a continuation of “Two Sugars, Extra Cream” which you can find here under Coffee Shop AU . Enjoy!


Chapter 2: Dates and Deal Breakers

           It was 6:30, and I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror contemplating what in God’s name I should do with my hair. Steaming milk for 6 hours did wonders for curls, and not in the good way. The only way to fix this was to shower, and I simply did not have time for that.

           “What do you think Adso?” I turned to the small pile of gray fur in the doorway. “Is it acceptable? Oh, gross!” He was licking his nether-parts. I wasn’t sure if he did that for business or pleasure, but it was disgusting either way.

           Adso turned at my exclamation, green eyes bright in his charcoal face. He stared unwaveringly, making me super uncomfortable after his previous activity.

           “I’m going to take that awkward stare as a yes, and assume I look all right,” I told him. He meowed happily, and rubbed himself in a figure-eight around my legs. “Okay, don’t trip me Addy. It’s one thing to have messy hair on a first date. It’s another to have a broken arm.”

           He continued his rubbing, anyway. Obviously, he didn’t care about my feelings whatsoever. But, what cat ever did?

           I pivoted to face the full length mirror on the door, and surveyed “The Outfit,” bottom to top. Black boots, black tights, black dress. Black on black on black.

           Classy, Beauchamp.

           My eyes made their way to my hair. Wild as ever, dark curls springing in every direction. There was no hope for it.

           Maybe I should put a headband or something in it…

           A headband? What are you, Beauchamp? Eight?

           I ran my hands through it, zooshing it up a bit.

           Shit, that made it worse.

           Before I could destroy my hair further, Adso startled me by yowling at the door.  

Shit. Is that him?

And then the doorbell rang.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

           Jamie drove an obnoxiously large, obnoxiously red truck.

“Compensating for something, my lad?” Jamie had my hand in his, carefully assisting me into his monstrosity vehicle. He gave me a pointed look and slammed the door, but otherwise did not acknowledge my hilarious joke. I watched the top of his red mane float across the windshield before he appeared fully on the other side.

“Nay, ‘twas my godfather’s. He sold it to me fer a guid price.” Jamie heaved into the truck using his grab handles. He wiggled a bit in his seat, before buckling up.

“And what did your godfather need a truck this large for?”

“I dinna ken. Tae hold his big balls, most like.”

“That’s foul.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jamie whipped his truck into the parking lot of a place called Iggy’s Steakhouse.

“Well, I suppose it’s a good thing I’m not a vegetarian…” I said, wrestling with the seatbelt. Jamie had already unbuckled and magically appeared at my side, opening the door for me. He held out his hand, and I used that as leverage to hop out of the truck.

“Aye… Perhaps I shoulda asked…”

“Perhaps. But you’re lucky. I eat meat like nobody’s business.”

“Good.” He placed a hand gently on the small of my back (!!!) and started leading me to the entrance. His hand was large, and probably took up half the space on my back. But it was warm, and his thumb was make tiny, almost imperceptible motions against my dress. I could melt, and would happily be the small English puddle in his life.

Despite the name (Seriously, what kind of name is Iggy? Is it short for something?), the inside was lovely and proper. Small tabled were arranged in rows, each with a candle and a white tablecloth. Small chandeliers littered the ceiling, creating a charming, dim ambiance. I heard, amongst the chattering of patrons, quiet orchestral music. This had to be the fanciest first date I’ve ever been on, and I told Jamie just as much.

“Wow. This place is wonderful! I’ve never heard of it before.”

“Well, it’s not a huge place, ken. My mate Angus owns the place. That’s how I knew about it,” Jamie responded, as we stepped to the hostess. “Two under Fraser, please.”

The woman guided us to our table. A table with a card on it that read “Reservation” in calligraphy. I suppose it pays to know the owner. Speaking of the owner…

“So,” I began, as I shimmied out of my coat. “Your friend’s name is Angus. And he owns a steak restaurant… I can taste the irony, and it tastes like cow.” Jamie chuckled, teeth sparkling in the candlelight.

“Aye. I dinna ken if he did that purposely.” He took a small sip of water. “But, he’s the type that would, so…”  He took another sip, this time including an ice cube. He bit down on the ice with a crunch, and munched on it happily, very much like a cow we were preparing to eat.

“Wow, Fraser. Hungry?”

“Bad habit. I’ve done it since I was a lad. Anytime I would get hot or nervous, I’d eat ice. Deal breaker?”

“No, my bad habits are much worse, just you wait,” I grinned. Jamie mirrored my grin.

“Nay, I doubt that. Ice crunching is probably the worst habit anyone could have. It’s irritatin’ and it’s bad for yer teeth.”

“You know what else is bad for your teeth? Smoking.”

“I dinna know you smoked.” I could hear the trepidation in his voice. Obviously, that was a deal breaker for him.

“I don’t. I’m just giving you a fun fact.” With that, he let out a breath.

“Yer always messin’ wi’ me, Sassenach.”

“I know. I think that’s just how I flirt.”

“Yer flirting wi’ me?”

“I’ve been flirting with you since we first met. Thanks for noticing.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Our dinners came out perfectly arranged on silvery plates. A medium rare steak took up one half, a small salad took up the other. It looked simply mouth-watering. And I, feeling more than a bit peckish, started cutting into it immediately. Jamie, I noticed, did not.

“Everything okay?”

“Oh, aye. Everything’s fine.” He waved over the server; a blond boy no more than 17. “Excuse me, sir? Could I maybe have a bottle of ketchup?”

“Umm, aye?” The boy answered, perplexed, before scampering off. I was confused as well.

“What in God’s name do you need ketchup for?”

“My steak, o’ course.” I stared at him blankly. Surely he was joking…

“I’m sorry?”

“What? Have ye no seen a man put ketchup on his steak before?” He seemed slightly miffed by my attitude.

“No! Never!” It was the truth. I had heard of such blasphemies, but never experienced them first-hand. “You mean to tell me that you took me this nice place, all to drown your delicious steak in ketchup. And your friend owns the place, no less!”

“Are ye mocking my food choice?” Was he truly hurt by this?

“No!” I assured. “I’m just…concerned. Donald Trump eats his steak with ketchup, and I just don’t want you to end up like that…” He rolled his eyes at me. At this time, the young server popped in to drop off Jamie’s desecration, before leaving again. Jamie squeezed the ketchup in his plate, cut into his meal, dipped it in said ketchup, and took an enormous bite. Even more disturbing was him staring at me with wide blue eyes the entire time.

“You’re killing me; you know that?”

“Aye. It’s why I’m doing it. Hope this isn’t a deal breaker either.” I thought for a second, eyes to the ceiling.

“No, but you’re pushing it.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dinner tasted as good as it looked, and I, thankfully, didn’t vomit while watching Jamie eat ketchup drenched steak.

“We’re ready fer the check, please,” Jamie told the boy-server.

“Aye, sir,” he responded.

“It was delicious Jamie,” I said once the boy was gone. “You’ll have to tell your friend that he has a wonderful restaurant.”

“Aye, I will, Sassenach,” Jamie replied as he took the check-holder from the server, and deftly slid his card into the designated pocket before handing it back to him. “He’ll be pleased.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

           Jamie wrapped his arm around me as we left the restaurant, which left me feeling all safe and warm. He carefully maneuvered me back into his firetruck, before floating over to his side.

           “Claire,” he said seriously. This caught my attention. Usually we were playful, and banter-y. This was different. He reached over, and tucked a stray curl behind my ear. “I forgot tae tell ye how lovely ye looked tonight. I should have when I picked ye up, but I was too busy staring, ken? Truly, ye are the loveliest woman, inside and out.”

           I blushed. No one had ever spoken to me like that, with such sweetness and sincerity. I wasn’t used to it, and I didn’t know how to respond.

           “Thank you, Jamie. You look very handsome yourself this evening.” It was the truth. He wore a green and blue plaid shirt that simultaneously brought out the red in his hair and the blue in his eyes. His jeans were dark, and hugged his hips lovingly. But it was more than that. It was the twinkle in his eyes. The deep laugh. The small bump in his nose. The ears that stuck out just a bit. The kindness and humour that came so effortlessly to him. I was infatuated. He smiled brightly, pulling at the dimple in his chin.

           “Thank ye, Claire. Not just for the compliment, but fer spending the evening wi’ me.”

           “It was my pleasure.”

           “Mine, as well.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

           “Shit.” I wasn’t sure if I had ever heard Jamie curse, but I suppose there was a first time for everything.

           “What? What’s wrong?” But I could already feel it. The truck was slowing down, with no assistance from Jamie. He veered over to the shoulder of the road. “Did your truck just die?”

           “Nay. Ran out of gas.” I also don’t think I’ve ever seen Jamie angry, but tonight was a night of firsts, I suppose. His eyes narrowed, and I saw him clenching and unclenching his jaw. He jumped out of the truck, and slammed the door, hard. I know he was trying to keep his voice down for me, but I still heard the muffled profanities. Some I wasn’t even sure were real words. He circled the truck a couple times, before opening the door again.

           “There’s a station, up over the hill. I’ll have to push it. You scoot over and make sure I dinna push it into traffic.”

           “Jamie…” But he had already closed the door again, and positioned himself at the back. I felt the truck start to move forward, so I moved over to the driver’s side, and steered.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

           And that was how we spent the next hour: trying to get the truck up the hill. I offered to push while he steered for a bit, but he was having none of it. So, I sat there steering when I needed to, pushing the brakes when I needed to, but altogether feeling quite useless.

           When we made it to the station, Jamie was red-faced with hair sticking to his forehead and neck. I wouldn’t tell him this, but it was kind of sexy.

           “Thank the Lord!” He exclaimed after filling his truck up. I could tell he was worn. He was breathing harder than usual. Gone was the alive twinkle in his eyes. It was replaced by glassy exhaustion.

           “Do you need me to drive? You’re about to pass out.”

           “Nay, I’ll be fine.”

           “Just let me help, Jamie.”

           “That’s verra kind, but I’m completely awake. My muscles just ache.”

           “Jamie…”

           “Claire…”

           I could be as stubborn as any Scot, and he could see it too. I had my jaw set and my eyes narrowed, ready to be a mule.

           We ended up performing an odd sort of dance across the bench seat, so that we switched places. If this vehicle seemed big as a passenger, it was completely enormous as the driver. I carefully backed out of the space, and sped to a racing crawl all the way back to my flat.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

           To Jamie’s credit, he did not fall asleep as a drove. He was, however, staring unseeingly at the street lamps passing by. When I parked at my flat, his reverie broke.

           “Can you make it back okay?” I asked as he walked me to my door.

           “Aye, I dinna live too far. Besides, I told ye, my body’s jus’ tired, no my brain.”

           “Well, if you’re sure…”

           “I am. Dinna worry. I’ll text ye when I get home, okay?”

           “Okay, that’ll make me feel better.” Now here came the awkward part. The part I was never good at: the goodbye after the first date. Do we kiss? Do we hug? Do we shake hands? High five? Fist bump? Jamie placed a hand on my shoulder.

“I had a wonderful time, Sassenach. Shall we do it again sometime?”

“You have my number.” I winked at him. He blinked owlishly back. And then wrapped me in his arms in a crushing hug.

No, that won’t do.

I pulled away from him, and pecked him lightly on the corner of his mouth.

“Be safe, Jamie.”


Iggy’s Restaurant is a fake restaurant. Any resemblance to other restaurants past or present is complete coincidental. 

Also, I did have the steakhouse written before today, but I just had to put the ketchup part in after ECCC panel. :) 

Be More Michael!

a/n: At first, I can’t see any situation where Michael takes a squip. But seeing how I put an (with a name and everything) au out there I have it a shot by shimmying around some very circumstantial stuff. 
summary: Michael just wanted a tictac
w/c:1823
warning:
VERY QUESTIONABLE PLOT?? drug mentioned (mainly pot and squip)


“Wait so it’s like drugs?” Michael muttered as they walked side by side down to the Payless. He rummaged through his hoodie’s pockets and began picking at the lint he found in every crevice. “Are you sure you wanna take drugs? You know JUST stopped gagging when you take a drag of the blunt” Michael winked at him, sticking out his tongue adding a bit more insult to his tease.

Jeremy turned up his nose and stiffened his spine trying to make himself look taller. “It’s not drugs…it’s a computer…or whatever, I don’t know how to explain it. Rich had this cool song…” He waved his hands in front of him. “It’s from Japan.” His voice went up a few octaves before cracking, trying to recreate the feel.

Michael nodded a bit, “sounds legit.” The closer they got the more Jeremy began to perspire beside him. “Dude stop walking like someone who’s about to make a drug deal.”

“W-What” Jeremy flinched then looked around nervously. “I-I look like someone who’s going to make a deal!”

“That or you look like someone who’s about to take a major dump in his pants.” Michael clapped his hands on Jeremy’s shoulders and gave him a small squeeze. “Just be chill.”

“That’s MY problem, I don’t know how to be CHILL, Michael.” He hung his head a bit and sighed. “…I wish I can be more like you.” He chuckled a bit. “You’re always pretty chill.”

“Be more like me then, walk in there and trade in hundreds of dollars for a possibility of awesomeness…or a complete and utter waste of time.”

“I don’t think anyone could be more Michael, Michael” Jeremy’s blue eyes disarmed Michael’s heart and he felt all his taunts and best friend banter go out the window and into speeding traffic. “Say…uh…you usually buy your weed…mind…ya know…” He swayed a bit, pulling a very sweet Heere smile.

How could Michael say no? With a few groans and eye rolls, Jeremy slapped the bills into Michael’s hand went to wait for him inside of Spencer’s. Michael walked in with a little more sauve than Jeremy but he couldn’t shake the small voice that reminded him he was packing 600$ of money that didn’t belong to him. The drug deal was suddenly weighing on him a bit harder than his usually dime-bag deal. Still, Jeremy was counting on him and he pushed through the Payless and walked over to an exceptionally greasy looking stock boy behind the counter. “I’m here for the…stuff.” Michael leaned up against the desk, keeping his face turned away from the employee.

“The stuff?” He repeated in a monotone voice.

“Yea-yea man you know the stuff, that stuff, that special stuff.” Michael waved his hand coolly, he even popped the hood of his hoodie up adding to the effect. He was so suave, Jeremy would cream himself if he saw him. Wait—why did that come to mind. Suddenly Michael felt himself flush and a hand come to his mouth. Suddenly he felt the box nudge his arm and he looked down. So there it was…600 dollars worth of drugs. He opened it up to check and his face fell… “My…dude…” he muttered opening the box fully “what the hell is this?”

“Size eight-n-a half red pumps from the back room.” He shrugged, “We ran out a week ago, I’ve been holding onto it for the right price.”

“Do I look like I’m here for a size eight heel?” He pulled up the shoe by the heel and began to wave it around.

The stockman shrugged then waved his hand over his face, “probably and maybe a tictac.”

Michael groaned and leaned in a bit to the counter against the stockboy’s wishes. “I’m here for…the squip?” He whispered watching the man’s eyes go from dull to very steely and cold. He gave Michael a nod and went to the backroom. After two long minutes of waiting he returned with a regular looking shoe box. Michael opened it up a second time half expecting another pair of shoes when he noticed a baggie with a long, off gray pill inside. “So…this is it?” This tiny thing was worth 600$?

“400.” The guy grunted, Michael blinked.

“Wait w-”
“You heard me, four. Hundred.”

There was no arguing with that, Michael handed over the money saving Jeremy two hundred dollars and getting the drugs for him. He was going to be his hero. “Alright, oh can I have a tictac too?” He breathed into his closed hand and wondered if he had severe sushi breath.

“Here take it with Red Dew, and also, before you go I gotta tell you that–” He handed over the mint then realized Jenna was strolling over. “We’re all out!”

“Of…shoes?” She shook her head a bit then looked at Michael.

“Right.” The stock boy turned his attention to Jenna and left Michael to his devices. Michael didn’t seem to think there was anything else he needed to know. A drug was a drug and from what he knew pills got ingested. A part of him did worry though…his brother and his father were big on the war against drugs. His brother more so he was turning into Michael’s police man when it came to his future. He made his way towards the Spencer’s, thumbing the tictac in his hand while he examined the pill some more.

“Well lil buddy, you’re gonna make my buddy super cool…” He chuckled talking to the small pill. “Which shouldn’t be too hard, Jeremy is already the coolest, but I guess sharing that kind of cool-a-tude with the rest of the world won’t be bad. After all” Michael felt his smile soften a bit. “After, all Christine won’t be able to resist him once she gets to know him.”

For a second Michael thought about…well what if he didn’t give this to Jeremy. Nothing would change, he wouldn’t have to share Jeremy with anyone. No one would have to know how Jeremy was awesome at Mario Kart, or the fact he held the n64 controller WRONG by using that weird middle handle. Or the way he wrinkled his nose right before he laughed like he was trying to fight it back. No one had to know that Jeremy could name the best 80s B-rate horror films in order of blood content. No one had to know that Jeremy had a small mole on his hip that as a kid his father would say was his tickle button. No one had to know the Jeremy Michael knew…He held the pill in his hand feeling like he could crush it in his palm…then sighed, stuffing it in his pocket.

It would crush Jeremy. It would suck if Jeremy was unhappy. He bit his bottom lip and smiled, feeling his muscles relax with defeat. If this made Jeremy happy… well then Michael didn’t need any more reason than that. After all what were bros for? He smirked as he watched Jeremy narrowly avoid half of the anime merch, even with his back to it, Michael knew he was probably eyeing some shirt or poster. “Jeeeer” Michael sang as he walked through the store. “I got your drugs.”

“MICHAEL” Jeremy shrieked cupping both hands at his mouth. “Don’t! SAY!THAT!” He hissed, turning red from the tips of his ears down to his neck.

“Tehe.” Michae chuckled beneath his hands. “Alright, alright, oh and I saved you 200$.”

“Wow, and here was worried I blew ALL of my money.” Jeremy opened the box and blinked. There was no pill, his face went pale for a second when Michael pulled his hand from his pocket and presented him with the small white pill. “Jesus, Michael you scared me!”

“Is it ok for a Jewish kid to swear to Jesus?” Jeremy shrugged a bit and it forced a small laugh out of Michael as his friend looked at the pill. “Well…there it is, cool in a capsule. You ready?”

“You wanna split it?” Jeremy asked his eyes on it, this was going to change his life. He could feel it.

“I don’t think it works like that…plus I like knowing when you’re cool, you’re gonna owe me.” He winked. “You gotta drink that with Mountain Dew, by the way.”

“Why?” Jeremy didn’t mind but it felt like a strange combination.

“No clue, just do it.” Michael was ready to watch Jeremy take his first steps into drug induced popularity when his phone buzzed. He snatched it out of his hoodie pocket and pouted. “I gotta run, brother is coming home tomorrow and I have to help mom clean out his room.”

“I didn’t think Ryan would be back so soon, isn’t he like…in college?”

“Yea he’s only coming for a short while before finals hit him. Then we won’t hear from him for another few weeks.” Michael shrugged, “sooo that means tomorrow night, we’re hanging at your place!”

With a ruffle of Jeremy’s short, tuffed brown hair Michael was off. He didn’t hear much from Jeremy after that, Michael felt like asking how it went and whether he was alright. However he was probably enjoying his new popularity, more importantly his mom had him carry down boxes of junk that had been storing in Ryan’s room to the basement, Aka Michael’s man cave. “Are we done yet, MA?” He called from down stairs feeling grungier than usual.

“Si~” She sang from the kitchen.

Michael slumped into his beanbag and stared at the second one beside him. He wondered if Jeremy would be too cool for video games? No, that was unlikely. Jeremy would be himself, just…maybe less sweaty and better breath. “Ah… right.” He dug his hands into his pocket and found his tictac. He popped it into his mouth and rolled it around in his tongue. It wasn’t right, no mint flavor and it was surprisingly sleeker than he thought.

“Michael, tienes hambre? (Michae are you hungry?)” his mother called from upstairs.

“Nah Ma I’m fine-aH” He spoke while his tongue was still testing the strange pill in his mouth. He felt the tictac roll down his throat and in a moment of pure shock he reached for his soda and chugged it down dislodging the small object from his throat canal.  “Fuck…” He hissed, gulping making sure he was not going to choke on a tictac. What a lame death that would be.

Michael took off his glasses and rubbed his watery eyes. The moment past and he reached for his phone realizing he had a missed call from Jeremy. Probably called while he was helping his mother. His hand paused when he heard, so clearly a voice say.

Calibrating Cerebral functions

“Huh…” Michael looked around and stared at his TV which was very clearly off.

Identifying …Michael Mell…Self confident, glorified…loser.

“Wait woah who said that, I am not a glorified loser! … I’m a regular loser with great qualities.” He spoke back to the disembodied voice.

Well, then regular loser Michael. This…is going to hurt.

And it did.

Tagged by @s-h-i-m-a-d-a

Name: Emma

Nickname: Lucky thanks to Shimmy, “Brat” thanks to Ash

Zodiac sign: Sagittarius 

Height: 5'7

Orientation: gay [finger pistols]

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Favourite fruit: Strawberies

Favourite season: Fall

Favourite book series: uhh too many tbh. Harry Potter and Percy Jackson, The Ask and the Answer trilogy, the Song of the Lioness Quartet to name a few

Favourite flower:  forget-me-nots, black eyed susans, dogwoods

Favourite scent: lemon or vanilla 

Favourite colour: blue

Favourite animals: dogs

Coffee, tea or cocoa: tea usually, depends on the day

Average sleep hours: about six

Cat or dog person: dogs

Favourite fictional characters: Sara Smith, Janine De Luca, Alanna the Lioness, Cassandra Pentaghast, Aveline Valen

Number of blankets you sleep with: One

Dream trip: I really wanna go back to France tbh

Blog created: Somewhere back in 2012 or 2013

Number of followers: nine hundred seventy-something

I’ll tag @zalia and @puptart

Tagged by @baphometal

Name: Jojo, but tbh I’m unsure about it lmao

Nickname: Shimmy (thanks Lucky)

Zodiac sign: Virgo

Height: 5'1 (RIP)

Orientation: gayYYY 

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Favourite fruit: Oranges!!!!

Favourite season: Spring

Favourite book series: Forgotten Realms (didn’t get very far but Drizzt is my son) and a series I read in High School I forgot the name of…but it’s literally the best 2 books I’ve read in a long time. Also Percy Jackson!

Favourite flower: I dunno, roses?

Favourite scent: Oranges and citrus stuff!

Favourite colour: I’m all over the place with that stuff but I really like silver, purple, pastels….

Favourite animals: Cat

Coffee, tea or cocoa: Cocoa because I can’t drink caffeine

Average sleep hours: Either 4 or 12, no in between.

Cat or dog person: Cat

Favourite fictional characters: A lot but I love the Shimadas, McCree and a few more from other fandoms…

Number of blankets you sleep with: One

Dream trip: Go back to Salem with my BF since he wants to go, it was such an awesome place. Then maybe check out Japan or smthn.

Blog created: Around July 2014 but I had another one before this called Werethebadguys (Loki themed lmao)

Number of followers: 617

I tag @crownleys @have-a-cup-of-stfu @str0de -

and whoever else that wants to do it. Don’t feel obligated to! I just feel bad leaving it empty ;=;

Look what I have.

LOOK AT THE SHINY PRECIOUS. <,<,,<<<<,333333

I have an old nano, guys. I really really wanted one. But Apple discontinued them.

And lo and behold, I was talking to my friend about how I don’t have an iPod and she’s legit like “Oh, do you want one? I have an extra one I don’t want.”

Sometimes unbelievable things actually happen, yeh :P

world-anatomy and I had a group of friends in middle/high school and anytime someone in our group said celine dion we all repeated “Celine Dion!” in unison and shimmied and I can’t tell you why but it’s been over five years and I heard her name today and I shimmied