i must have been tired and thought this was hilarious

“The Righteous” An anti-Gency One Shot

“Ha ha. Gency’s eight followers are so insecure”, I laugh as I read through their tag. I wonder how this Emergenji fan art managed to get eight hundred notes? It must be Michael Chu’s sorcery at work again. As always, the sight of Mercy and Genji together fills me with disgust. There are no words for this revulsion, this twisting of all that is good in the world. I wonder what sort of monsters could picture these two together and not ship my own OTP as their OTP. My ship has all the fan art and wins every single community poll. Any intellectual such as myself knows that popularity equals quality. Those in minorities are always wrong and it has been that way for the history of the world. 

I return to my own tag overflowing with superior non-Gency fan art. Life makes sense again. Here there is order. Here there is rationality. Here I am safe from the straights and the racists. Here there is no prejudice. Here there is no turning race into a fetish or problematic doctor x patient dynamics. “Yes, there is none of that”, I tell myself as I sip my cup of Gency tears and reblog an artwork of Mercy kissing her true lover in the medical bay. 

“Why are Gency users so insecure?” I ask myself wryly. A rhetorical question. They are insecure because their ship is objectively bad and without merit. “Yes we have it all,” I exclaim. “The artwork. The popularity. A voice line. All is right. What do they have? Nothing.” I then remember that disgusting comic. Perhaps the worst Christmas present one could ask for. The one with those out-of-place panels where Genji interacts with Mercy. I can almost feel the writer putting a gun to his characters’ heads to make it possible.

“Michael Chu…”, I hiss. 

The thought of him is enough to want to make me vomit. Everything would be perfect without him. The universe agrees that my pairing is canon. The stars have aligned and been aligned since the Alpha. They will remain aligned. I immediately shudder at the thought of the chocolate lines. The stars are against me. I think of Genji saying “Angela!”. “He must have meant to ask for healing”, I say with a laugh. Yes! That is it! I laugh aloud at the thought of the hilarious, fresh meme. I now feel myself becoming tired as if a presence is draining me of life. I know Michael Chu is plotting against me. I can feel him poisoning the lore as we speak, thinking of new ways to force his writing into his narrative. I curl up into a ball as the tears come down, well-deserved tears from surviving the Valentine’s Day lines. 

I chant, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but Gency can never hurt me.”

With those words of comfort, I return to sleep, dreaming about shitposting in the Gency tag the following morning. 

THE END.