i missed so much jesus christ

i’m watching some of my fav feel-good wrestling videos on youtube to clear the Bad Hospital Thoughts out of my head and jesus christ, you guys, i love wrestling so much, i’m borderline in tears watching these i can’t believe how much i missed this shit. i love wrestling

things in musical theatre that always gets me that I realised during a road trip
  • that bit in waitress, “you’re my dOCterr”
  • the harmonisation in what’s inside
  • when dawn goes “I’m not defensive!”
  • that bit in hamilton where everyone sings over each other in non-stop
  • “I hope that you… burn”
  • when john sings the rise up bit in my shot
  • “SIT DOWN JOHN YOU FAT MOTHER F*CKSTICK”
  • Angelica. everything she says and does.
  • the choir in once upon a december
  • “hey balaga, ho balaga, hey hey ho balaga, hey hey hey balaga, the famous troika driver”
  • Lucas Till going “WOOoooOOooOOooOOOooooOoOOooOoooOOOoooOAH”
  • that bit in the duel “DRINK WITH ME MY LOVE, FOR THERE’S FIRE IN THE SKY, AND THERE’S ICE ON THE GROUND, EITHER WAY MY SOUL WILL DIE” - relatable
  • and when everyone goes “corpulence”
  • honestly everything piere says like yes hand me the existential crisis
  • and whenever amber gray opens her mouth goddamn
  • when everyone sings over each other in 96,000
  • “the only room with a view is a room with you in it”
  • literally everything the piragua guy says
  • “Hey guys, it’s me! The biggest disappointment you know.” - nina is me
  • basically whenever Mandy Gonzalez sings tbh
  • in 21 chump street when naomi sings “take the money justin, please just take the money”
  • and in cousin where justin goes “looooooooooove”
  • in a day in falsetto land when they all sing over each other frick yes
  • “AND STILL THE BASTARD DIVORCED ME”
  • “EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT” and then when you realise it won’t be
  • “god you’re a pAIn in the aSS”
  • literally whenever the lesbians from next door speak
  • when they harmonise in “the tango maureeeeeen” in tango: maureen
  • when joanne goes “so be wise ‘cause this girl satisfies”
  • all of seasons of love, every version, it’s beautiful and iconic and frick if that song didn’t define my childhood
  • when kevin goes “i’ll do something inCREDible that blows gods frICken mIND” in you and me (but mostly me)
  • “I CAN’T BELIEVE JESUS CALLED ME A DICK”
  • the harmonisation in poor thing
  • when everyone sings together in arabian nights
  • the genie’s rendition of tale as old as time - petition to get James Monroe Iglehart to sing a full version
  • “Why shouldn’t I fly so far from here?”
  • heather chandler going “you’ve come so far why now are you pulling on my dICK”
  • allllll the harmonisations in candy store
  • and blue
  • in come from away when they go “I am an Islander”
  • when bev mimicks the wwii pilots “Hey lady, hey baby, hey! Why don’t you grab us a drink?”
  • and then, “well they can get their own drinks” and that cute lil laugh after
  • “suddenly there’s nothing in between me and the sKYYYYYYYYYYYYYY”
  • “And that’s how we started speaking the same language”
  • when everyone is praying together holy shit that moves me every time
  • “cause I’m freaking out, you’re freaking out and we’re all 👏 freaking 👏 the 👏 fuck 👏 out”
  • anytime someone says “you are there and I am hereeeeeeee”
  • “hot towel, hot towel, c o l d towel?”
  • in legally blonde, elles voice crack when she says “some girls were just meant to smile”
  • “and with the chance I’ve been given I’m gonna be dRIvEn aS hELL”
  • “with fear and shock and aWEEEEEEE”
  • when they’re all singing at the end of blood in the water
  • the entirety of Ireland and the reprise
  • the blatant subtext jokes in take it like a man
  • “ ‘cause i feel so much better than befOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE”
  • in Miss Saigon “and now I’ll leave remembering heRRRR,, just heeeeerrrr”
  • tbh whenever the engineer has a solo, I mean he was an arsehole, but it was the only fun thing in that musical
  • “I still believe he’ll come for me” - kim, my heart, my only wish was for her to happy and safe goddammit
  • the literal entirety of “ascot gazette” in my fair lady
  • and show me
  • “READY, AIM, FIRE!!”
  • the humming in wouldn’t it be lovely
  • allllll of heaven on their minds in jesus christ superstar, it’s literally the only song that hasn’t been done wrong in any version
  • “HOSANA, HEY SANA, SANA, SANA, HOSANA, HEY SANA, HOSA N A”
  • “JESUS CHRIST, SUPERSTAR, DO YOU THINK YOU’RE WHAT THEY SAY YOU ARE?”
  • also everythings alright
  • okay there’s so much for newsies so this’ll be short but “Newsies on a mission! Kill the competition! Sell the next edition! We’ll be out there, CARRYING THE BANNER”
  • “strike! strike! strIKE STRIKE STRIKE STRIKE STRIKE OOOOOOOOOOOH S T R I K E”
  • dear evan hansen in waving through a window going “WAVING, WAVING WOAAAAAAHHHHHHH WOAHOHOHOH”
  • “has been hard (hard) has been bad (bad) has been rough. (KINKY!)”
  • “if I stop smoking crACk”
  • alll of you will be found
  • “DONT BE A PENIS THE MAN IS A GENIUS” - iconic from something rotten! every. fucking. time
  • all of it’s hard to be a bard
  • in do you hear the people sing “IT’S THE MUSIC OF THE PEOPLE WHO WILL *NOT* BE SLAVES AGAIN”
  • “who am i? TWO FOUR SIX OH ONEEEEEEEE!”
  • “AS LUCIFER FELL”
  • frick literally all of les mis is iconic

Okay that’s pretty much all I got through before my phone went flat and then the trip was boring but yeah

My Soldier

Here we go! My first Alex imagine! Hope you like it as much I enjoyed writing it! Leave your comments behind, I’d appreciate it very much! (Picture doesn’t belong to me! I found it on google pictures!)


“(Y/N) my dear, can you hang up the laundry outside, please? I’m quite busy with preparing lunch.”

“Of course, Anne.”  The young woman responded to her future mother-in-law, making her way towards the bathroom. She took a hold of the laundry basket where the freshly washed laundry was neatly folded and put in, then carrying it to the backyard. The weather was beautiful, a perfect summer day and the sun was shining warmly on the sky, not even a single cloud was to be seen.  (Y/N) loved days like this. It changed her mood to a better one. And now that war had taken place, she needed a little distraction even more.

She walked through a sea of different flowers, feeling them brushing her uncovered legs and the touch left a comfortable sensation behind. When she arrived to the hanger, she placed the basket to the ground, bent down and grabbed the first piece of clothes and hung them up, attaching it with two clothes pegs. As she continued doing her task, her mind easily drifted to the young man that she loved with all her heart.

It was not a long time ago that he left off for war but for (Y/N) it felt like a whole eternity. Living without him for a special amount of time was a deep agony. She missed him being around her. His smile, his eyes, his hugs and even his terrible jokes. When Alex told her and his family that he was going to fight against the Germans, it crushed (Y/N)’s heart. She knew letting him go was a huge risk, he might never come back to her, safe and sound. And they were very close to marrying each other. (Y/N) had been so excited to finally settling down with him, living a live as a married couple. But Alex was needed, she was aware of it, every young man in the village they’d been living in was needed there to help their French brothers. And (Y/N) could do nothing against it. She knew pretty damn well that if Alex wouldn’t leave, people would talk about them behind their backs, even shaming them that their children had to fight but Alex was not.

Anne took the news for more badly than (Y/N). She fainted right after Alex made the announcement and when she woke up again, it took all of their strength to calm her down. (Y/N) couldn’t blame her for it, she raised her son after all and if (Y/N) was a mother, she would have probably reacted the same way. She promised Alex that she would stay with his family as long as she could to take care of them and support them, but he had to promise her that he would come home back to her.

“You have to.” She forced out crying, clinging onto his body. “You have to come back to me. Otherwise I wouldn’t know how to live without you.” He kissed her deeply as a promise for his return.

“I’ll see you hopefully soon.” He told her before he went out of the house.

Not a long time ago she had received his last letter. He told her that he was alright and a heavy stone fell from her heart. He described about the hard times he went through and how many times he had faced death but still was alive. “For you.” He wrote. “I’m alive for you, my love.”

(Y/N) couldn’t remember how many times she read all of his letters with tears in her eyes. Reading his own words felt like he was still there with her, whispering them into her ear. This was the only way she could calm down for a while. Plenty of times she had raised her hands up to the sky, praying to god that he would send Alex back to her. She knew Alex was strong and willing to fight. He had the heart of a lion.

She had read in the newspaper that three hundred thousand soldiers were saved and made their way home to their families. If Alex was among them, she couldn’t know. They had fortunately not received any bad message of his death. So she hoped whole-heartedly that he was in one of those trains that carried him back to her.

(Y/N) pitied the fallen soldiers. Their families were waiting for them like she did, but the only thing they would be confronted with would be an announcement that their son couldn’t make it. She respected their braveness, and she would always keep them in her prayers.

While (Y/N) was still doing her task and being deep in thoughts, a young soldier was sneaking his way toward her, paying attention to not making any sounds that would reveal his position. He held a large bouquet of her favorite flowers in his hands. Seeing her again in real after countless nights of dreaming about her made his heart jump in his chest and he was more in love with her than ever. The last steps were always the agonizing ones but he also crossed this obstacle.

(Y/N) suddenly felt a pair of hands covering her eyes, preventing her from doing her work.

“What the hell?” She exclaimed, as she saw nothing but darkness, her body stiffening immediately from the touch.  “Who in god’s name is that?”

“You can guess three times.” She heard someone whisper into her ear delicately. A wave of different emotions was overwhelming every part, every cell and every fiber of her body. Happiness, excitement, love, relief. Everything at once. She knew exactly who was right behind her.

“A-Alex?” She whimpered, tears flooding down her cheeks. The hands released her eyes and she was able to turn around. And as she looked into two familiar green eyes that she longed to see so terribly, she could finally breathe again.

“Oh my goodness!” She gasped, covering her mouth with both hands. Heavy sobs left her mouth and before the young man in front of him could respond, she threw herself at him, crying on his shoulder. Alex wrapped his arms around her tiny frame, pulling her towards him. Having her in arms again after all the horror he went through was an indescribable feeling. Both clung onto each other like their lives depended on the other one. Once (Y/N) back away slightly, she took his handsome face between her hands.

“You came back. You really came back. Dear god, I can’t believe it!” She peppered every centimeter of his face with affectionate kisses before she captured her lips with his. “Oh my god! Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you so so much!” She hugged him again tightly.

“Love, easy!” Alex laughed. “Let me breathe.”

“I’ve been worried sick about you.” (Y/N) admitted, easing her grab on him. “You didn’t send any letters anymore and I thought I lost you. Oh my god!”

“It’s over now, darling. I’m here. I’m back and I’m not planning on leaving any time soon.” He kissed her lightly. “I kept my promise, didn’t I?” He handed her over the bouquet of flowers which created a smile on (Y/N)’s lips.

“I love you, Alex. So much.”

“I love you too, beautiful.” He said. “Where is mother? I missed her terribly.”

“She’s inside, preparing lunch. Jesus, she will be out of her shoes when she sees you again.” She intertwined their fingers and dragged him into the house. “Come on, let’s go surprise her. She’ll love this one.”

When they entered the house, (Y/N) called after her second mother. “Anne? Are you still in the kitchen?”

“Yes, love! Lunch is almost ready. If you could help me laying the table that would be very lovely, my dear.”  

Alex’ eyes shone brightly as he heard the sound of his mother’s voice again. It was not only (Y/N)’s but her voice in his head that encouraged him during the battles. He indicated (Y/N) to be quiet whereas she nodded with her head.

He slowly stepped into the kitchen where his lovely mother was doing the last preparations for the meal. Anne hadn’t noticed him yet. She was quite busy with running back and forth, looking for spices for the salad.

“What smells so good in here?” He asked innocently, making his mother freeze in her position. She thought first that she misheard his voice but when she looked up to the door where the young man stood, she couldn’t believe what she saw. Her whole body began to tremble.

“Jesus Christ!” Anne exclaimed, running towards her son. “My boy, my baby!” She cried.

“Hello, mother.” Alex mumbled, hugging her and kissing her head gently.

“Oh my baby boy, you’re here! Are you okay? Are you hurt?” She was looking for any bruises on his skin.

“Mum, I’m fine, don’t you worry.”

“Alex.” The older woman sighed. “I missed you so much, my son.”

“I missed you, too mother.”

(Y/N) was gazing at this mother-son moment with new tears in her eyes and a smile on her lips.

“You won’t leave again, will you? You’ll stay here?” Anne asked worried.

“No mum, I’ll stay here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Anne sighed in relief and led her hands to her face to wipe away all the tears that ran down her cheeks.

“Oh my, you’re surely hungry, aren’t you? Where is (Y/N)? (Y/N)?! “ She looked at her.

“Yes?” She asked.

“The table. The table is waiting for you!”

“Your wish is my command , madam!” She saluted with a laugh and with Alex she prepared the dining table where afterwards they had a very nice time together.

***

She felt him stir again in his sleep. This happened very often since he came back home. Every night he would fidget back and forth in his position, crying out for help because he was tormented by nightmares. (Y/N) knew that war had changed him a lot no matter how much he tried to cover it. Nothing would be the same anymore. His body twitched at every tiny little sound but he tried to pretend like it wouldn’t bother him. He tried to be the man that he was before he left, but (Y/N) knew by heart that this man was not there anymore. She was willing to help him. To help him fight against the bad memories that he made.

She supported herself on her elbows, glancing at Alex. Turning on the night lamp beside her, she noticed that his whole body was covered with sweat.

“No, don’t shoot… Please…” She heard him whimpering in his sleep. “Please, don’t shoot… no.. no..” His expression showed a hint of distress and fear. “Help… help me… please…”

“Alex?” (Y/N) shook his shoulder slightly to wake him up, to save him from this agony. “Alex, darling wake up.”

“Help…Help… please help me…” Alex kept whining over and over again.

Seeing him in a state like this, all vulnerable and terrified, tore her heart apart. She couldn’t bear to see him hurt and in pain.

“Wake up, Alex. It’s only a dream. Wake up.” She shook much harder and harsher, causing him to finally open his eyes. Alex panted heavily, looking at her with fright.

“(Y/N)?” His chest lifted and fell heavily, while he tried to regain his breath.

“It’s okay, my dear.” She brought him to an embrace. “It was only a nightmare. You’re safe, my love. You’re safe.” She ran her fingers through his hair, a gesture that would calm him down. “It’s okay, Alex. Everything is fine. You’re home. You’re safe.”

“I thought I was back there. I really thought I was going to die.” He sniffled.

“No, darling. Look at me.” She laid her hands on his cheeks. “Everything is okay, Alex. You’re home, not back there. You’re home with me, your mother and your father.”

Her words made him calm down for a little bit. His tensed body relaxed.

“You made it alive out there, my hero.” (Y/N) said.

“I’m not a hero.” Alex mumbled.

“Yes, you are. You did everything that you could to defeat the enemy Alex. You kept fighting for justice and safety. I really desire you bravery and your strength , my dear. You faced death so many times but yet you’re alive. You never gave up. You just went on and on. And I don’t know anyone who is as selfless and willing as you are. I admire you.”

She offered him a soothing smile.

“You may not have won this war, but you gave everything that you have, my love. War does not always mean winning but also losing. One side always loses. But I’m sure the Germans soon will be defeated and the deaths of the fallen ones will be revenged.”

She put kiss on his temple.

“You’re going to heal, my love. I promise. You may not forget what you went through and I don’t expect you to do so but you will be better after a time. Not today, not tomorrow and the day after. But you will heal. And until then I’m going to support you, hold you, trying to do everything you want me to.”

Alex nodded his head, feeling far more better from the words that she spoke.

“We’re going to beat every nightmare that you have. I’m always there, lying next to you and keeping you safe.”

“I love you, (Y/N). I can’t wait to marry you.”

“I love you too and I can’t wait to marry you.” She responded. In a few weeks, they would be bonded forever and both of them were looking forward to it. With (Y/N) on his side, Alex knew that he was complete. She was his life safer. His light that guided him through darkness.

They laid down again, talking about their wedding, future children and everything that their heart desired until they fell to a deep slumber. With (Y/N) in his arms, Alex was finally at peace.

Boyfriend Material

Originally posted by elisebazinga


Pairing: Alex Standall x Reader

Request: “(I saw your requests were open, hopefully they still are??) I’ve seen several “dating Justin would include” and I haven’t see one for my Alex yet:) could you maybe do one of those?“

Word count: 480

Posted: 23rd of April 2017

A/N: I am not good at these because I never did one, but why don’t we give a shot? I hope that you like it and I won’t fail you.
Anyways, I love Alex’s smile so much. His teeth are perfect and, damn, he’s fucking sexy! Sorry, not sorry!

P.S.: Send in some Alex Standall x Reader requests, please!

- G. x

Warning: (Y/L/N) is Your Last Name.


Dating Alex Standall would include:

  • Alex was shy around you at first
  • His friends always teasing the two of you
  • Awkwardly asking you on a date
  • Dinner dates at Rosie’s diner
  • You are the most important person in his life
  • Cheering him up whenever the tapes come across his mind
  • He would run to you to complain about his friends’ problems
  • Constantly stopping him and Montgomery whenever they start a fight
  • Curing his wounds after a fist fight with Montgomery
  • He snaps at you because the disinfectant stings
  • “Stay still, Standall!”
  • Him being possessive whenever Bryce and Montgomery bother you
  • “Fuck off, guys!”
  • Then he would wrap his arms around your waist to protect you
  • Cheering him up whenever he’s depressed or overthinking
  • Calming him down whenever he has a shit day
  • You worrying whenever Clay talks to him about Hannah
  • Being each other’s crying shoulder
  • You both call each other by your surnames when you are fighting or fooling around
  • “Shut up, Standall!”
  • “You shut up, (Y/L/N)!”
  • You always staying by his side whenever Hannah’s tapes torment him
  • You having constant nightmares and calling him to wake him up
  • Your ringtone is louder than any other of his friends, in case you call him in the middle of the night
  • “I’ll be there in 10, stop crying please. I love you.”
  • He’s really sweet to you
  • And sometimes you would cry because you don’t expect it
  • He always calls you with sweet nicknames
  • “Hi there, beautiful!”
  • “Hey there, flatterer!”
  • His friends teasing him whenever they see you flirting with each other
  • He introduces you to his family
  • His father likes you because he sees Alex happy
  • You sometimes come over to cook together with his mum
  • Compliments from Alex and his family
  • “What a great wife you got here, Alex!” His father jokes
  • Sleep overs
  • Window sneaking when you are grounded
  • Cuddling and making out, instead of partying
  • And when you are at a party, he’s overprotective
  • He assures that you don’t drink too much
  • Him taking care of you when alcohol knocks you out
  • PDA
  • You love it when he smiles
  • And he tries to smile a lot
  • Because he knows that it is your weakness
  • You poking at his dimples whenever they show up
  • Him beating you at Volleyball
  • You love it when he plays his electric guitar
  • Worrying when he gets distracted and misses a note
  • Him teaching you how to play a guitar
  • Him being jealous when he sees you with Clay or Justin
  • Him constantly swearing
  • “Standall, words!”
  • “Jesus Christ!” He complains as he rolls his eyes
  • Him being sarcastic
  • Inside jokes that only the two of you understand
  • Sweet and passionate kisses
  • Tight hugs
  • Getting him medicines for his stomach ache
  • Being his personal nurse when he’s sick
  • Walking with hands intertwined
  • Always!
  • “I love you so much, (Y/N).”
  • “I love you too, Alex.”

My God. There is so much stuff out there, so many filler and substandard and just for now stories, that you mostly forget what a real masterpiece is like until you walk straight into one and BAM, it shakes your very soul out of your fucking ears. Guys, I may have more coherent thoughts on this later on, but for now - just go and see Blade Runner 2049. It deserves to be seen, and it deserves to be seen in a real theater, because everything about it is plain perfect, including those elements that work so well on a larger-than-life screen - sound and light and photography and Jesus Christ, I only now realize how much I’d missed this: storytelling grabbing at what makes us human and leaving us amazed and shocked and scared shitless and, most of all, holding on for dear life. Wow. All the stars and all the kudos to everyone involved.

here are some lyric changes!! (if i missed some please add on)

(four jews was exactly the same you guys are Safe)

my life is shitty! –> my life’s not pretty

washing your, socks, jesus christ –> washing your socks, drop it and smile! (i believe that was what they changed it to)

instead of going “shit” in the chess game andrew just goes “agh!”

maybe we should call it quits, this game shits. —-> chess ain’t how your boyfriend thinks, this game stinks. (that was my fav i love it so much!!!)

here’s the iconic one. my life would be boring as shit —> my life would be flat as a lake

i can’t fucking deal with that —> how am i supposed to deal with that

this is fucking ridiculous —> this is so damn ridiculous

i like the ball gowns but jesus christ –> i like the ball gowns but jesus!

the shit in the karma —> the unresolved karma

Do not be gloomy. Do not dwell on unkind things. Stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. Even if you are not happy, put a smile on your face. ‘Accentuate the positive.’ Look a little deeper for the good. Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, with great and strong purpose in your heart. Love life.
—  Gordon B. Hinckley
So Much More

Pairing: Lin Manuel Miranda x Reader

MASTERLIST

Summary: The Whisper Challenge is the stupidest thing to exist.

Warnings: Cursing, because we all know I can’t contain myself.

Word Count: 3,887 (THIS WAS NOT MY INTENTION. IT WAS MEANT TO BE A SHORT DRABBLE.)

A/N: Jesus Christ, I’m literally garbage. Here I am, take me away, throw me into the dumpster. Or better yet, an incinerator. This is dumb. It’s trash. Also, I sat down in front of my piano to write something for this and I’m mad at myself because IT’S MISSING SO MANY PIECES AND I’M NOT OKAY WITH THAT. Another also, MY FAVORITE NERD IN THE WORLD is gonna slaughter y’all with the best writing in the world (as expected) AND I AM STILL YELLING ABOUT IT (also as expected) BECAUSE SHE’S SO AMAZING AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH (y’all expected that too, right? LIKE YOU GUYS I CAN’T COMPREHEND HOW MUCH I LOVE HER. I also love love love love love love all of you that actually bother to read my shit like it’s not even that great and like I always say I’m legit SHoooOooOOOOOOK ‘cause of it like I really don’t get it you guys are amazing what did I do to deserve you guys????????

PS: GO TEAM, NICE WORK!!

——

“Holy fuck,” you muttered, staring down at it just sitting on the edge of your bathtub. “What the hell?”

Nope, nope, nope. This was insane. It wasn’t happening. That was wrong, oh, so wrong.

But wait, come to think of it, maybe– No. Not right. Nope. It was incorrect, false, a lie. None of it was true. There was a glitch in the matrix and this was its mistake.

It was impossible. You had taken every single precaution to ensure that this wouldn’t happen. Lin was busy working on his latest work about some lame dude (Babe, how do you go from writing about barrio life to– I hear rap songs in this biography, okay? Trust me on this!), and you were too overcome with the responsibilities of being the new editor-in-chief of your very own magazine. There wasn’t enough time for this. The two of you had decided it was best to wait until the time was right, until the hype of your brand new lives had died down, until you had enough time to do this.

Now was not the time.

Keep reading

Red Jamie and the White Lady - Part 24

I’m so pleased to have been able to write and polish this chapter in time to post it this week! Thanks to my AMAZING helpers @diversemediums and @outlandishchridhe who have helped me map out these Gifts and figure out how all this works. I’m still so amazed at the responses I’ve gotten from all of you for this series and can’t wait to take you on the rest of the ride with me!

Catch up on chapter 23 HERE and make sure you’ve read the letter Willie wrote Jamie just before he died, which you can find HERE


Claire began drawing invisible patterns on Jamie’s chest, trying to decide how to bring up her next topic.

“What do you plan to do with Fergus?”

“Keep him wi’ us.”

“We’re keeping the orphaned pickpocket?”

Jamie sat up to get a better look at her, studying her face.

“Weel I canna set him on the streets of Paris. That’s no’ fair to him. And… I promised that I’d take care o’ him. He’s a child, Claire.”

“Yes, but you caught him while he was following me. How are you so sure we can trust him?”

Keep reading

Who else dad is weird like this 🙄
  • *in another world at another time*
  • Me: *gets text*
  • Dad: Hey, who's my favorite daughter?
  • Me: Dad?
  • Dad: Hey there, dear. 😉
  • Me: DAD WTF YOU'RE ALIVE.
  • Dad: Last time I checked I was. 😂
  • Me: *out loud* Oh my god!
  • Roommate: Please stop screaming, I'm in a very intense debate about the merits of socialism with an online friend, and I can't concentrate with you making such a racket.
  • Me: Socialism? Aren't you incredibly rich and vain?
  • Roommate: I'm a Trotskyist, you fool.
  • Me: Who cares! My dad's alive!
  • Roommate: I wasn't aware that your dad was dead?
  • Me: Neither was I. I thought he had just abandoned me and my mom all those years ago. I have quite a story about it. When I was about 14, my dad took me on a road trip to go to IHOP for a delicious breakfast. After we had finished, he got up to use the bathroom and never returned. He left me stranded in a strange IHOP two states over.
  • Roommate: You traveled two states away to go to an IHOP?
  • Me: I mean, it was a road trip.
  • Roommate: How do you know it's your dad?
  • Me: Check my phone, it says dad right there. Of course he's my dad.
  • Roommate: It could be anyone.
  • Me: There's no one else in my contacts with the name dad, other than my dad, ya goober. In fact, with every new phone I've gotten I always added his old phone number to the contacts in case of a moment just like this.
  • Roommate: Even still, don't you think it's suspicious that your father is contacting you via text nearly a decade after he abandoned you?
  • Me: No.
  • Roommate: Not even a bit?
  • Me: No. *buzz* Oh, he texted me again!
  • Dad: Hey, who's my favorite daughter?
  • Me: Me, of course! 😘
  • Dad: No.
  • Me: What?
  • Dad: You're my fifth favorite daughter.
  • Me: I don't understand.
  • Dad: I have six daughters and you're my fifth favorite one. The sixth one died in a scuba diving accident.
  • Me: So I'm your least favorite daughter?
  • Dad: No, don't think of it like that! You're not my least favorite daughter, you're just my least favorite LIVING daughter. 😉
  • Me: That doesn't make me feel better.
  • Dad: Ah, it doesn't matter. You remember me, your dad, the big wacky goofball! 😝
  • Me: I remember you trading my bicycle for coke.
  • Dad: It's a thing of the past, my daughter who I love the least. I don't want to worry about the past, let's meet up and discuss the future.
  • Me: OMG You want to meet up? Where?
  • Dad: IHOP, for old time's sake, but this time let's make it the one in town.
  • Me: *out loud* Oh my god, I'm meeting up with my dad!
  • Roommate: I'm right here, you don't have to yell.
  • Me: I'm so excited. I'm reconnecting with my father. Most girls can only dream of this moment.
  • Roommate: He honestly sounds like a terrible person.
  • Me: People change.
  • Roommate: Yeah, sometimes they become worse.
  • Me: You're just overly pessimistic because you're a goth and also a Trotskyist.
  • Roommate: Eh, I can't deny it.
  • *later at IHOP*
  • Me: *waiting at table* I can't wait to see my dad again. I wonder what he looks like. I bet he's a businessman now. Oh, or maybe he's a priest. *notices commotion at the front of the store* Hmm?
  • Waitress: Sir, please wait to be seated.
  • Disheveled Dude: I'm meeting up with someone, you flighty broad. There's not much time. Get out of my way.
  • Me: *internally* At least that guy isn't my dad.
  • Disheveled Dude: Oh, there she is. *runs and sits at my table* Oh my god, is that my little girl. You've grown up so much. You look way too much like your mom. It's bringing back some really bad memories. I'm sorta regretting. Just joking. Hahaha. WHERE THE FUCK IS OUR WAITRESS, I'M TRYING TO EAT HERE!?
  • Me: What a coincidence it is that the horrible man making a scene at the front of the restaurant is my dad...
  • Disheveled Dude: What's with the distant look on your face? You're acting like you saw a ghost. Haha, maybe you do think I'm a ghost. Hey, sorry about leaving you at the IHOP all those years ago. Kinda got bored of the whole dad thing. JESUS CHRIST, CAN YOU GUYS FUCKING HURRY UP AND GET US A WAITRESS. F-Fuck. *wipes sweat off forehead*
  • Me: Dad?
  • Disheveled Dude: WHAT!?
  • Me: *jumps in seat*
  • Disheveled Dude: Sorry, I've been really on edge recently. *nervously looks over shoulder* Where the fuck are these waitresses?
  • Me: Dad... *gets teary eyed*
  • Disheveled Dude: Oh god, are you gonna start crying on me.
  • Me: *sniffles* I'm sorry, I just missed you so much.
  • Disheveled Dude: Yeah, yeah, I missed you too. Time to move onto the next thing. Inheritance. Uh, I'm gonna die eventually, so you can have all of my money. *put suitcase stuffed with cash on the table and pushes it towards me* You can just have it now, for all I care. I mean, you never know when I'm gonna die.
  • Me: Dad, I don't want your money. I just want to spend time with you.
  • Disheveled Dude: Well, you can spend all the time in the world with me once you accept the fat wads of cash in this suitcase. I just need you to say verbally that you're accepting this money from me as a legitimate form of inheritance.
  • Me: Dad, please. I just want to talk to you.
  • Disheveled Dude: Come on and take the fucking cash, Elizabeth.
  • Me: My name's not Elizabeth.
  • Disheveled Dude: Okay, whatever. Take the money and clearly dictate that you are accepting the entirety of this money as a legitimate form of inheritance from your loving father. You can use it for college, you're college aged right. Or prenatal care. I don't fucking know. What shitty kid doesn't want FREE FUCKING MONEY!?
  • Me: *stands up from seat* Dad! You're the worst ever! I hate you! *runs out of IHOP sobbing*
  • Disheveled Dude: Fuck, I knew that wasn't going to work. *notices how dark it is outside* It's almost here. I wasted so much goddamn time. I'm never going to get rid of this thing. FUCK!
  • Waitress: *nervously* I can help you now, sir.
  • Disheveled Dude: Oh, so now you show up. I'm not so hungry now. In fact, I've lost my entire damn appetite.
  • Waitress: I'm sorry, sir. It's all my fault. I'm so sorry.
  • Disheveled Dude: Which one of those cars outside is yours?
  • Waitress: The red one.
  • Disheveled Dude: That broken down piece of shit?
  • Waitress: Yes.
  • Disheveled Dude: Guess, there's no other choice. It'll have to do. Give me your fucking keys.
  • Waitress: What?
  • Disheveled Dude: *points gun at waiter* GIVE ME YOUR FUCKING KEYS!
  • Waitress: *drops keys on the table*
  • Disheveled Dude: *tosses wads of cash at the waitress* That's easily $200,000. Go buy yourself a better car. You might want to make it quick. *runs out of IHOP*
  • Waitress: *watches disheveled dude speed off* Why is it so dark outside and where did everyone go? I guess it doesn't matter now, though. $200,000. That's a lot of money. I wonder what I'm gonna do with all this? I'm so excited that I'm lightheaded. The future is so bright now.
  • Wall of Darkness: *encroaches*

one of the great things about JoJo is that if you pick a random character from it, you might end up with classics such as a 100.000 year old dude who turned his hand into a squirrel once, a dog who controls a sand monster and likes to fart in peoples’ faces, some sentient plankton possessing the body of a dead girl, the president of the USA or even Jesus Christ himself.

To Any Dead Officer

Well, how are things in Heaven? I wish you’d say,
Because I’d like to know that you’re all right.
Tell me, have you found everlasting day,
Or been sucked in by everlasting night?
For when I shut my eyes your face shows plain;
I hear you make some cheery old remark—
I can rebuild you in my brain,
Though you’ve gone out patrolling in the dark.

You hated tours of trenches; you were proud
Of nothing more than having good years to spend;
Longed to get home and join the careless crowd
Of chaps who work in peace with Time for friend.
That’s all washed out now. You’re beyond the wire:
No earthly chance can send you crawling back;
You’ve finished with machine-gun fire—
Knocked over in a hopeless dud-attack.

Somehow I always thought you’d get done in,
Because you were so desperate keen to live:
You were all out to try and save your skin,
Well knowing how much the world had got to give.
You joked at shells and talked the usual “shop,”
Stuck to your dirty job and did it fine:
With “Jesus Christ! when will it stop?
Three years … It’s hell unless we break their line.”

So when they told me you’d been left for dead
I wouldn’t believe them, feeling it must be true.
Next week the bloody Roll of Honour said
“Wounded and missing”—(That’s the thing to do
When lads are left in shell-holes dying slow,
With nothing but blank sky and wounds that ache,
Moaning for water till they know
It’s night, and then it’s not worth while to wake!)

Good-bye, old lad! Remember me to God,
And tell Him that our politicians swear
They won’t give in till Prussian Rule’s been trod
Under the Heel of England … Are you there? …
Yes … and the war won’t end for at least two years;
But we’ve got stacks of men … I’m blind with tears,
Staring into the dark. Cheero!
I wish they’d killed you in a decent show.

SIEGFRIED SASSOON