i miss you]

What if someone who is so constant suddenly disappears out of your life? Maybe that’s why, I don’t like getting attached. I don’t like the idea of giving someone the power to destroy my heart by choosing to walk away. I want to guard my heart. I want to save myself.
Why do I still care when it’s obvious that you don’t.
—  Day 185
we’re friends, but, but not friends. friends but i still find myself on the phone with you every night, laughing at every joke you crack. friends but you still think of me before you go to sleep. friends but you still think i’m beautiful. friends but you still want your hands on my body. friends but always, always more than that.
—  4am
I miss you. I won’t admit that to your face, or over text, but right now my heart feels like it’s shattering over and over again and I just want you right now.
—  An excerpt from a book I’ll never write. (#60)