i miss you so much. :(

Take care of him. Please.
—  To the new girl

Sometimes, I’ll just be going about my day and it’s just an average Tuesday and then sometimes – this feeling hits me out of nowhere.

This super heavy feeling in my chest that makes me feel like I can’t breathe sometimes.

And sometimes, when that feeling hits me, it feels like you’re with me and I can breathe again.

And in that moment, I will laugh because I remember something funny you did or how easily and unconditionally you made me feel love – especially today, in a world that doesn’t seem to love easily. A world that doesn’t seem to love at all.

And somehow, even if just in that moment, it seems like I’ll be okay again.
Maybe not today.
But someday.
Someday I’ll be okay again.

The world around us may have changed, but we haven’t.

And then sometimes, I remember you’re gone… but then, I’ll remember your smile.

And then I smile.

—  I miss you. I miss you so much.

Dove sei?
Mi manchi.

I just want to get out of here. I want to call you and tell you everything that’s wrong and i want you to tell me that its going to be okay. I need you to tell me its going to be okay.
I can’t explain the feeling in a way that you can truly grasp how much it hurts me. To be away from you. To wish things were different for us. To long for the day when the distance between you and I is only as far as between the white linen sheets of our brand new king sized bed. I don’t know how to tell you that I feel like I’m missing something when I’m not with you. Like a part of my brain shuts down and can’t function properly or like my lungs give out and I can’t breathe the right air when you’re a country away from me. It’s a physical pain. A type of longing for you that I’ve never been so desperate for. My eyes stay wide when I should be sleeping. My fingers trace my pillow in hope of finding your heartbeat. My ears listen for a dedicated whisper that you love me and don’t want to lose me. My back craves your security from tightly resting your strong body against me. My lips want to gently kiss your rosy nose to sleep. My heart yearns to spill out all the words that I’ve never had the guts to say. And my arms. My arms just want to be wrapped around the only thing that has given me reason to be here. There’s a thousand miles between you and I, and every time I have to walk away in search of border security at the airport and look back to see your truck drive away, I feel a bullet to my heart and a desert in my throat, a sudden inability to walk forward and my slow breathes disappear. Nothing breaks me more than having to carry that feeling with me until the next time I can run into your arms.
—  you’re worth the distance but I need you closer