i miss you so much oh my

Camp Velaris ~ Chapter eleven

After it got too cold to stay on the roof, Rhys and I began walking back to the car.

We hadn’t kissed on the roof. It was no longer a case of it we would, but when. It was like something had… clicked while we watched the sky. Being there, with Rhys, had felt like home.

And it terrified me.

With what happened with Tamlin, I hadn’t wanted to be with anyone again, for a while at least. But with Rhys, it felt like we were… Well, I didn’t know what we were. There was something between us, I knew that much.  With Rhys, I felt like I had known him my entire life, and not just for a few months.

“Are you okay?” I heard Rhys ask me, his voice concerned.

I had been so wrapped in my own thoughts, I had missed what he’s said.

“What? Oh, yeah! I’m just, um, cold.” Jesus, Feyre, get a grip.

“Here, have my jacket.” He shrugged of his suit jacket, and wrapped it around my shoulders, my bare arms instantly warm. The jacket even smelled of him, like-

Well, I was gone.

So, so far gone.

“Thank you.”

We walked in silence until we reached the car. Rhys, once again, held the door open for me as I got in.

“Fuck.” That was Rhys.

The car had suddenly stopped, though we had only been moving for a minute at most.

“What is it?” I asked him.

“We’re out of gas.”

“Shit, really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Can’t we just get a tow truck or something?”

“Give me a sec.”

He got out of the car, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he did so.

I looked out of my window, trying to see if there were any cars behind us. Thankfully, there weren’t.

It was another few minutes before Rhys came back. 

“Any luck?” I asked him.

He shook his head, “Nobody’s coming until the morning.”

I sighed, leaning back into my seat.

“What do we do then?”

“I guess we just find a motel to crash in for the night, and wait for the tow truck in the morning. It’s Saturday, anyway. We’re not working tomorrow.”

“Okay. Let me just text Mor- tell her I’ll be back tomorrow.”

Car ran out of gas. Won’t be back until tomorrow. Staying in a motel. I’ll text if we can get back tonight. – Feyre xx

Mor replied instantly.

Have fun! Don’t stay up too late ;) – Mor xx

My face heated a little at her words, and the fact I would be sharing a motel room- with Rhys. The boy I was most definitely falling for.

“Ready?” Rhys asked, already climbing out the car again.

I nodded, climbing out as well.

“Uh, Rhys?”

“Yes?”

“What are we going to do about the, um, car?” The car that was in the middle of a road.

“Fuck.” He said under his breath. “I guess we… push it?”

“We can try.” I said, unconvinced. That car probably weighed tons.

“Got any better ideas?”

I didn’t.

Somehow, in ways I still don’t fully understand, we managed to push the car into a place that wasn’t in the middle of the road. I mean, it took about half an hour, but we did it.

“Hotel?” Rhys asked once we had finished and were leaning against the side of his car.

I could only nod.

~

I was waiting in the hotel lobby when Rhys returned from the front desk, holding a door key, an apologetic look on his face.

“What is it?”

“The hotel only had one room left.” He coughed awkwardly. “And it’s, uh, a double bed. One bed.”

“Oh, um, right. That’s fine.” I tried to make my voice calm, as if sleeping (innocent sleeping!) in beds with gorgeous boys was a completely normal concept to me.

Spoiler alert- it wasn’t.

“Are you sure? I could ask again.”

“Really, it’s fine. I just want to get out of these clothes.”

I just realised what that must have sounded like, and my face went red. Rhys’ did too.

“No! Not like that!” Shit, I was a mess.

“No, um, I knew. What you meant.” Rhys spluttered, obviously as embarrassed as me.

Well, this was certainly going to be an interesting night.

~
I was in the bathroom.

Not hiding. Definitely not hiding.

I had just come out of the shower and put on the pyjamas the hotel had given us.

And now I was in the bathroom, not hiding.

Calm down, Feyre. It’s just Rhys. Your friend Rhys. Who you are definitely not falling for. Nope. Rhys, who you are going to be sharing a bed with. Which Is completely fine, because you’re friends!

After another few moments of this, I stepped outside into our bedroom for the night. With one bed. Which Rhys was currently lying in.

“Hey!” Why was my voice suddenly so high pitched?

“Uh, hi.”

I got into the bed next to him, slipping under the covers.

“Goodnight.” My voice was small.

“Goodnight.” Rhys turned the lamp next to him off.

We lay in the dark. I couldn’t sleep. I could feel him next to me, his body heat sending warmth into my back. From the way his breathing hadn’t deepened yet, I knew he was still awake.

I think we were both grateful when my phone rang.

I practically leaped out of the bed, grabbing my phone from the bedside table.

“I better take this.”

I went into the bathroom. It was Elain. I answered.

“Hello? Elain?”

“Feyre! I wasn’t sure you would answer. With it being so late and everything.”

“What is it, Elain?”

“Look, I can’t make it. When we go visit mom.”

I closed my eyes, leaning back against the bathroom wall. Not her as well.

“Why not?”

“I’m just really swamped right now. And I checked with work, and I can’t get time off. I’m really sorry. I’ll come with Nesta, in September.”

“You know what. It’s fine.”

“Feyre, I am sor-.”

I hung up.

Why couldn’t either of them make the effort for once? I knew they were probably busy, but it wasn’t just that they weren’t coming to visit mom. It was the times they refused to get jobs, to help out, the new things they needed to buy when we were struggling.

With everything I had done for them, they still couldn’t give something back. At least just once.

Sometimes, I felt like I was the only one out of the three of us who cared about mom. About this family.

Wiping my eyes, I went back into the bedroom, hoping the lights were still off. They weren’t. Rhys was now sitting up in bed, the lamp next to him switched on. I perched on the edge of the bed.

“I heard you crying. Are you-,” A pause. “Are you okay? Who was on the phone?”

“It was my other sister, Elain. She um, she cancelled on me as well. I’m fine though.”

“Feyre, you’re obviously not fine. Look, you can tell me. I might be able to help.”

“Believe me, you couldn’t.”

“Well, maybe talking to someone will help. Take at least some of it off your chest. ”

He had gotten out of bed and had sat on the end of the bed with me. I looked into his eyes, so earnest. He would listen, I realised, if I decided to tell him. And if I didn’t tell him, he would respect that too.

 “It’s kind of a long story. All of it, I mean. My pitiful little life. You probably don’t want to hear it.”

“We’ve got all night, Feyre darling. And I don’t mind. You can talk as long as you like. I’ll listen.”

I twisted my hands in my lap.

And I began to tell the story of my life.

~
“Growing up, my family had everything. A big house, nice cars, the works. We were happy. My sisters and I fought the normal amount for siblings. My mom and dad loved us and each other. But then… then my mom got sick. Breast cancer. By the time they caught it, it was too late. I was thirteen when she died.” I stopped, my breath catching in my throat. It was hard to talk about her, even now.

Rhys took my hand in a comforting way, and rubbed soothing patterns on my wrists.

“Everything went downhill after that. My dad lost his job and gambled away most of our money. We lost our home. Do you know they just… remove you from your home. They just show up and make you leave.”

Rhys continued his comforting swirls on my wrists.

“We lost our respect. We moved into a tiny house. Me and my sisters had to share a bed for a while. We began fighting a lot more. Me and Nesta, of course. Nesta would never fight with Elain. They both refused to get a job to help out. They both blamed our father. I did too, but I could put my anger aside if it meant helping the family. I would walk the neighbourhood dogs or babysit.

“I started high school. In my sophomore year, I dated Isaac Hale for a while. He was my escape, you know. Then, after a few months of dating, I met Tamlin.”

At the sound of Tamlin’s name, Rhys seemed to flinch, just a little. I carried on.

“He was my knight in shining armour. He did everything he could for me and my family. His friends soon became my friends and every moment I could I spent with him. When I was with him, I didn’t have to think about the next set of bills or if Elain and Nesta would need new things for the sake of it.”

This part was always one of the hardest things to think about.

“One day I was walking home from school, I was a senior at this point, Tamlin was in college, when I was mugged. They ran off as soon as they got my purse. I didn’t see their faces. I told Tamlin, who called the police, who said there was nothing they could do.”

I took a raggedy breath. I noticed Rhys had shifted ever so slightly closer.

“After that, Tamlin became protective. I mean, he had always been, but it was just making sure I texted him when I got home. But he had started to choose who I’d go out with and whatnot. I ignored all the signs, though. I had never had someone who cared about me, not since my mom died. After all, he had helped me and my family out. Deep down, he was truly a sweet guy.

“Then one day, we had a fight. He had caught me talking to this guy from one of my classes when he came to pick me up after school. He wouldn’t talk to me the whole car ride, and when we got home he just… exploded.”

I paused, unable to go on for a moment.

Rhys, seeming to understand that I didn’t need any noise right now, just stayed silent, his hands now entwined in mine. And after a moment, I carried on.

“He threw a vase at me. It shattered onto the wall behind me, and one of the shards caught my face and cut it. I had the scar for days. Afterwards, he cried and told me he was sorry, that his temper had gotten the best of him, that he’d had a hard week. I told him I’d forgiven him.”

I wiped my eyes, the tears that now fell at the memory of that day. I had been so, so scared that he was going to hit me. Or worse.

“The only person I told about the incident was Ianthe, my only female friend. It wasn’t like I could talk about it with Lucien. Instead of helping me, or even just comforting me, she told me that I was overreacting, that I was being ridiculous. Even after I told her of how frightened I had been in that moment. After that, I decided I wouldn’t tell anyone. Maybe I was overreacting. Besides, who would believe me? Tamlin was respected.

“The day I went to Tamlin’s house to break it off, Ianthe was there. They weren’t kissing or anything. She was just there. And that made me really mad, because how could she be there after what I’d told her. So I broke up with him. Cut off all ties with those people.”

I stopped again. Rhys had definitely moved closer now. It was calming, having him near me.

“I went home and I cried. For hours. My sisters and father pretended not to notice. That day, I missed my mom more than ever. From that day, I demanded that we, all of us, visit her grave once a year. And we did. We always go together. And now my sisters aren’t going and I feel just as lost as I did all those years ago and I can’t with them anymore…”

Rhys had pulled me into an embrace, and I cried into his shirt. Eventually, I pulled away.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you all that. I got carried away-.”

“Don’t ever say that, Feyre. I’m glad you told me. It’s better to talk than to keep it to yourself.” His voice was sincere. “Was that… was that the first time you’ve ever told someone that?”

I gave him a small nod.

“Look at me, Feyre.” I looked up at him hesitantly. “You survived all that. You’re strong. Much stronger than most of the people I know.”

I gave him a tiny smile at that, and he leaned in and kissed my tears, the small ones that were still sliding down my face.

I went to wash my face in the bathroom, and then I got into the bed.

I felt a whole person lighter. Rhys was right, I did feel better. And I couldn’t help but be glad it was Rhys I’d told. Somehow, I thought he might understand.

We went to sleep on the opposite sides of the bed.

And in the night, we somehow entwined.

  • Fredbear: I have only 3 needs.
  • Midnight: Oh yea?
  • Fredbear: Yea. Napping, tea and cuddles.
  • Midnight: You really are one of those cozy people.
  • Fredbear: Ech... Do you think I have one day so much fluff like Nightmare? Because if so I might change my name to Fluff-Bomb.
  • Midnight: You forgot your medicine.
  • Fredbear: Oh yea, I did. And boi do I not regret this.
  • ---
  • Midnight: Fredbear, it's late. Why are you still on your phone?
  • Fredbear: I'm looking at the fanart people did of me and I am scared of myself.
  • Midnight:
  • Fredbear: Am I scary?
  • Midnight: Eee sometimes?
  • Fredbear: Damn.
  • ---
  • Fredbear: *cuddles into bed*
  • Fredbear: Aw yes~
  • Fredbear: Hmhmhm~ babe I missed you.
  • Midnight: ???
  • Fredbear: *gives the bed a smooch* I love you babe.
  • Midnight: I... Okay...?
  • ---
  • Fredbear: *yawns but makes a long pulled squeak by it*
  • Midnight: *snorts*
  • Fredbear: What? Huh?? Midi???
3

“But seriously, what are you wearing.”

Still drawing some of these per requests, and this one may or may not have gotten out of hand. @okumurachild-satan, I’m so sorry your ask got turned into drarry, ack!

Inexorable (2)

Plot: How does is feel to be arranged to be married to a cocky, arrogant Mafia leader? Once you look at his face, you think you’re lucky, but then he opens his mouth.

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst, (eventual) smut, Mafia au!

Notes: Welp, since so many of you asked for it, here is a part two!! There are two other stories which need a continuation as well, so I might keep requests closed for a while.. Sorry about that. I hope you don’t mind. Feel free to ask me questions, though! Ya’ll are so nice to me! 2,053 Words

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 (FINAL)

The ride to the vacation home wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. Your husband actually gave you the space you needed. There were brief glares exchanged between the two of you, a whole lot of drinking, and forced slumber – it was a 3 hour ride, after all. 

When the both of you had finally reached, the luggage was taken out by the bodyguards who had come along, and brought to your huge master bedroom. It was twice the size of your father’s office – if not, bigger – the bed was king-sized, and adorned with silk sheets. The walk-in wardrobe was already stacked with clothes for both sexes, making you wonder why you had even brought luggage in the first place.

“Too small, honestly,” Jungkook commented, plopping down on the couch by the fireplace. “My room is bigger than this.”

There he was, ruining the moment again. It was a good thing you were too exhausted to fight with him; but that didn’t mask over the fact that you still wanted to knock him out.

“Brat..” 

Keep reading

170224 BTS Mokdong Fansign

Q: Taehyung-ah
Taetae, you have a low alcohol tolerance, right? You usually drink coke. What alcohol and how much can you drink?

Taehyung: One bottle

Fan: Hansung is cute.
Taehyung: Ah, really? 
(He probably thought the response was bad) 
Taehyung: I want to try to act in Crows Zero~
Fan: Isn’t that going to be a scary role?
Taehyung: It doesn’t have to be a scary role, I want to wear uniform. 
Fan: Wow, that would be so cool.
Taehyung: I want to play Serizawa, he’s so cool. While acting in the drama, I’ll be the Taetae-san that speaks Japanese.

Q: Will we be able to see Agust D’s solo concert this year? I want to hear ‘So Far Away’ live on the concert.

Yoongi: I will think about it

Yoongi: Name?
Fan: I’m OO.
Yoongi: Ah, are you Japanese? (in Japanese)
Fan: Wah, (you’re speaking in) Japanese!?
Yoongi: Because I’ve studied Japanese.
(the fan heard him say ‘because I’m genius Suga’)
Fan: I’ll be going to the concert, the next one is at Tokyo Dome right~
Yoongi: Yes, Tokyo Dome.
Fan: I’ll be waiting in Tokyo.
Yoongi: Can’t wait!

Q: Namjoon ah
I’m looking forward to your mix tape! Please say something before the release! (When will it be released?)

Namjoon: Just getting ready ♡ 

Fan: Namjoon~
Namjoon: Ooh OO-san~ (in Japanese)
Fan: What language should we talk in? (in English)
Namjoon: I don’t mind. (in English) But your English is good. Where did you learn it? In Japan?
Fan: I studied in Japan~ I didn’t study abroad. (in English)
Namjoon: Not at all? (in English)
Fan: Yes. (in English)
Namjoon reads the post-it-note
Namjoon: That’s sweet. (in Japanese)
Fan: Sweet?
Namjoon: I’ll work hard preparing it~

Q: Hoseok ah~ 
I’m looking forward to your mix tape! Please say your resolution before the release! (When will it be released?)

Hoseok: I’m working hard on it, so please anticipate a lot 

Hoseok: Oh~ Mixtape~ Please look forward to it~
Fan: I can’t wait~ When will you release it?
Hoseok: Hmm~ I have a lot of work these days~
Fan: I think Hoseok-san is beautiful, what’s your secret?
Hoseok: I’ve received a lot of love, that’s why.
Fan: That’s difficult.
Hoseok: Because of everyone, I’m able to receive so much love.
Fan: I’m looking forward to your mixtape.

Q: Jimin-ah
Sniper Jimin-ah! Pierce my heart with 5 characters! (You can’t write ‘I love you’)

Jimin: I missed you (he wrote in Japanese because of the fan)

Fan: 5 characters?
Jimin: あいたかった…? (he counts with his hand)
Fan: … (in Japanese, it’s 6 characters…)
Fan: Since you have pink hair~ (passes something in pink to him)
Jimin: (laughs)
Fan: (dies of cuteness)
Fan: It’s a present~ (passes the bag)
Jimin seems to be the type to either concentrate on writing or speaking.

Q: You don’t upload cover songs these days, but will you upload (them)?

Jin: I will work hard and upload 

Fan: Are you still studying Japanese?
Jin: Yes, I’m studying diligently!
Fan: I went to the concert and your solo stage was so cool. AWAKE.
Jin: Ah, really?
Fan: If you can have solo activities, what would you like to do?
Jin: I want to try everything.
Fan: Next concert is at Tokyo Dome, right? I’ll be waiting in Tokyo!

Q: My Twitter icon is a sheep, can you draw a sheep?

Jungkook: *drawing*

Fan: You said you’ve learnt Japanese, so can we speak in Japanese?
Jungkook: Ok
Fan: English too?
Jungkook: Not in English, not yet ㅋㅋㅋ
Artist Jungkook draws a sheep
Fan: Isn’t that a lion…?
Jungkook: ㅋㅋㅋ

Source
Trans: KIMMYYANG

anonymous asked:

What do you think were the best nalu moments in this arc so far?

Hmm~ This is a good question!  I had to go back quite far for this one, but I think you’ll like it!  It’s gonna be a long answer, so let’s get started!

First off, we have Natsu coming back from his year long training session:

I mean, in the entirety of chapter 418 we see just how much Lucy misses Natsu (and Happy too of course), but in this page, you can see how happy she is that he’s back.  She looks almost relieved (not that she wasn’t thriving on her own, but she had a hole in her heart).  Natsu looks ecstatic to see Lucy (we even get a little blush).

Moving on to chapter 419 (don’t worry, I won’t be going through every chapter like this lmao) but OH MY GOD LOOK.  Natsu had no idea how hard Lucy was working and how broken she was losing Aquarius, everyone, and HIM all at once.  I think this is where he truly understood her pain whether he knew all the details or not.

Also, how can we forget how “first chapter” this page is.  It’s almost like Lucy can’t believe it.  He’s back and so is Fairy Tail.

Here, it’s pretty clear that Natsu has learned how much him leaving as well hurt her.  I think this is v important for their relationship…  Which they still have yet to “resolve” though I don’t think Natsu leaving was entirely “selfish”.

I think here Natsu is trying to gain Lucy’s trust again.  To prove himself to her, and honestly I believe that this scene is very intimate between them and the way their relationship is.  Not so much romantically, but their trust in each other.

We also get a LOT of scenes of both Natsu and Lucy reacting like this to one another… 

Hmmm…

Okay, okay I know, I’m nitpicking everything- HOW CAN I PICK JUST A FEW FAVORITES??  But alright, I’m going to get into general, overarching moments that I think are the best and really love!

There is A LOT under this break and there are also spoilers of the latest chapters!!  Please read with caution :)

Keep reading

REUNION
  • Lance's mum, crying: Oh my god my son you're alive I'm so happy *hugs him*
  • Lance: I've missed you so much
  • Lance's mum: I've missed you- wait who is that *points to where the space squad™ is standing*
  • Lance: haha yeah well see, that's my half alien boyfriend- I'm bi surprise!
  • Lance: and that's Shiro, yes the famous dude, and his wife Allura who is actually full alien
  • Lance: and you know hunk and pidge they've been in space with me for the last few years
  • Lance: and that's coran he's also full alien and- CORAN PLEASE DON'T TOUCH THAT- and he's basically our weird space uncle. He really likes earth and humans and I SWEAR CORAN PUT IT DOWN
  • Lance: oh yeah and I'm super famous and a hero in space and stuff and put my life in danger nearly every dad
  • Lance's mum: .....
  • Lance: haha so yeah I've missed you
Me and Chez, our relationship is amazing and I put that down to her support more than anything, she’s just so great. Obviously, I’ve just started being a dad and I’m all tired promoting my single and she gives me no bother about it. She’s like, ‘You’ve gotta go and do your job, do your job,’ - that’s how she is with it. And Bear, Bear’s beautiful. I love him and miss him terribly. I can’t talk about him too much as it makes me sad because I do miss him a lot. You know when people go, 'Oh, show us a picture-’, and I show them a picture and think, 'Oh, I don’t really want to’, because I get really sad about it because I miss him. It is hard being away from your newborn son, but I understand this is something that I have to do, and I want to do, and it’s an experience that most people would die for.
—  liam talking about cheryl & bear recently! (via cheriam news on twitter)

anonymous asked:

Prison AU: inmate dan becomes officer Phil's personal fuck toy at the prison.

Warning!! Smut: Inmate! Dan, guard! Phil, dom! Phil, sub! Dan, degradation, feminization, spanking, choking, daddy kink, hand jobs, blow jobs, closet sex, etc etc.


~Dan was told many things whenever he was first put into prison. He was told he would lose weight, eat less, exercise more, have to fight more, cigarettes were considered currency, all the usual stuff you’d be told before going to prison. No one, however, told him one thing in particular: That he would be a prison bitch.

~Dan had always known he was gay on some level, and didn’t much care for the idea of unconsented sexual relationships in prison, which he had also been warned about beforehand. But he wasn’t just a prison bitch to another prisoner, no of course not, a guard had claimed him.

~Phil Lester was a well respected officer, he had been working here for a few years and everyone was proud of him for his years of diligent hard work. He was a man of secrecy though, kept to himself most often, about many things, including his love life. Many of his coworkers had in the past asked him about his love life, but he never spoke about it. Again, being a man of secrecy, his love life fell under that veil.

~Dan had met Phil during his first year in. He knew who he was from the moment he saw him, the blue eyes strikingly familiar in a way that made his stomach knot up with old feeling swelling up. They had been together in high school, breaking up just before graduation due to having different career path choices, and different college choices. So they had decided it best for their relationship to just break up before making things too complicated.

~Phil was doing rounds, bunk checks were regular after an incident that happened a few weeks past. He looked through each bunk thoroughly, walking through the narrow hall and going into each one to check individually. He slowly walked in bunk 13, meeting his eyes with a pair of familiar brown eyes he hadn’t seen since he spent two years looking into them daily. Dan Howell.

~Phil smirked, deciding to play fun at their chance to catch up. “Inmate. What are you in for?” He asked, leaning on the cement frame of the small room and looking around to make sure no one noticed them before meeting his eyes back with Dan’s. “Vandalism. Mom had some asshole boyfriend start beating her, I destroyed his house, car, work area, everywhere I could. I wanted to destroy him like he had been destroying mom.”  

~Phil chuckled quietly, smiling fondly. “So. You still the same old mama’s boy I see.” He smirked. Dan scoffed softly, rolling his eyes and crossing his legs on his mattress, looking up at Phil with a grin. “Shut up.” He hummed. “I got three years for it too. In my opinion, totally worth it.”

~Phil nodded, looking around as the rest of the prisoners moved to the lunch area. No one would mind if he held Dan up, after all, he was an officer, he could do as he liked to the prisoners pretty much. He walked over and sat by him, smiling. “I haven’t seen you in so long.”

~Dan chuckled softly and nodded, looking at him. “Yeah. I haven’t seen you since you tore my heart out and stomped on it.” He murmured a little. “Seriously? Dan we aren’t 17 anymore you cannot still be brooding over me leaving you. I was going to a school 4 hours away from you. It would have been too hard!” He sighed, placing a hand on Dan’s thigh. “You know I loved you. I cried the whole time because I didn’t wanna leave. I loved you too much.”

~Dan sighed, closing his eyes and leaning back. “You shouldn’t touch me. Even talking to me so intimately could cost you your job.” He sighed again, his tone a little sad. “I got suspended for you four times in a year, lost two jobs over you, and gotten a teacher fired for you just because my dad is a lawyer. Danny, as it was before, it’d be worth it to lose a job over you.”

~Dan smiled softly, his dimple popping out and a light blush spreading across his cheeks. “I haven’t been called Danny in a  very long time. Especially not by a guy so cute.” He hummed, swaying a little from side to side and nudging Phil.

~Phil chuckled softly, glancing around again just for safety before leaning in and pecking Dan’s cheek. “I’ve missed you. And you’re flirting.” He smiled. “Oh the flirting can get much worse. Have I ever said how much I love a man in uniform? Although, looking good in the uniform isn’t the challenge. Looking good with it off is. And I can guarantee you look damn good with it off.” He smiled bashfully at his own flirting, leaning his head on Phil’s shoulder.

~Phil laughed quietly, shaking his head and kissing his hair softly. “Why does this feel so familiar? I feel like I’m 17 again and my boyfriend is trying to get into my pants after homecoming.” He laughed.

~Dan smiled sweetly. “It does feel familiar doesn’t it?” He agreed, feeling Phil’s fingers lace with his own. “Even after all these years when you touch me I get butterflies…” He smiled, nuzzling his neck a little. “That your way of telling me you got a boner or something?” Phil snickered, feeling Dan shove him over, his laugh ringing in his ears.

~Phil smiled in adoration as they calmed down from their mutual laughter, letting Dan settle back against him before taking his hand in his own once more. “You know, orange really isn’t your color.” He commented. “And what do you suppose I do about it? It’s the only attire I’ll be allowed to wear for the next few years.” He chuckled, this time a bit sadly.

~Phil smirked again, squeezing his hand. “You could just take it off sometimes. Preferably when you’re with me.” He suggested, only half kidding. “You just miss my ass don’t you?” Dan smirked back, going along with his flirting. “Oh fuck yes I did.” Phil laughed, almost snorting. “I have to admit, it to this day is the best ass I’ve ever gotten. Probably because I love the person attached to it so much..” He smiled.

~Dan flushed pink, giggling quietly and looking up at him, moving into his lap and starting to play with his hair. “I never really got over you either, as cheesey as it may sound.” He bit his lip, and Phil felt the same butterflies in his stomach he got the day he had first kissed Dan. He was so pretty, he hadn’t aged a day. Granted it had only been a few years, but still. He was just as breathtaking a sPhil remembered him to be.

~Phil smiled at him, his hopes raising. He knew he couldn’t make a relationship with Dan again, not with him being in prison and all. But he could, at the very least, get to know him again. “Yeah?” He asked, seeing Dan nod. “Yeah..” He said.

~They were dangerously close, close enough that Phil could lean in not even an inch and close the gap between them with ease. His hands shook, he could get fired and he did love this job, he didn’t want to get fired by any means. But the way Dan looked, his hair curly and longer than it used to be, his big brown doe eyes burning into him, his lips soft and pink, the bottom caught between his teeth; he was down right irresistible, and so, on impulse, he leaned in and kissed Dan with all the passion, lust, and love he had harbored for him all these years.

~Dan kissed back with the same ferocity, lips and tongue and teeth clashing in a messy, heated kiss. His eyes were practically rolling to the back of his head, his fingers tugging at Phil’s hair, trying to pull him impossibly closer.

~Phil noticed his hands starting to wander, unable to care, gripping the ass he has been still getting off to to this day. He slid his tongue along Dan’s, exploring his mouth as if he never had before, trailing over to kiss his jawline and his neck.

~Dan leaned to the side, his eyes fluttering shut and a soft moan escaping his lips. “You’re neck is still such a fucking g-spot for you huh baby boy?” He purred, nipping and sucking, but not leaving marks. Dan was letting out soft moans, the room quiet all except for Dan’s panting  and breathy moaning. “Please..” He begged quietly, desperate to be silent but knowing it was going to be nearly impossible, especially for him.

~Phil smirked against his pale skin, dragging his teeth over a vein in his neck and chuckling. “You gonna beg me baby? Beg for my cock like the slut you always are for me?” He asked, starting to unbutton Dan’s jumpsuit. Sure, they could be caught, sure this was wrong, sure this could cost him his job; But looking at Dan, his shirt halfway undone, his cock straining against his slightly chubby stomach, his eyes shut and moans slipping past his lips, Phil was reminded of just how much he didn’t care.

~Phil caught his lips for another rough kiss, slipping his hand down to grip Dan’s cock, stroking slowly. Dan nipped Phil’s bottom lip, tugging softly before moaning again, thankful everyone was at lunch and no one was around to hear the whorish noises he was making. “I’m barely even touching you.” Phil smirked. “And you’re already so close aren’t you?” He asked, speeding up his movements, swiping over the head of his cock with his thumb and collecting the beading precum.

~Dan whimpered, nodding half heartedly as he desperately bucked up his hips, trying to get more, Phil’s slow pace so delicious but so damn torturous. “More.” He begged again, leaning his head back and bucking his hips to no avail, Phil holding them down with force. “What do you want baby?” He asked, removing his hand from Dan and hearing him whine loudly at the loss, his hips still bucking up in desperation, trying to get friction to his throbbing cock.

~Dan whined again, finally relenting in understanding that Phil wouldn’t do anymore to him until he begged. And so as many times before, he dropped all pride, and begged like a whore for his rightful owner to fuck him senseless. “Please sir fuck me please! No one can make me cum like you do, please daddy, please I’ll do anything!” Tears fell past his eyes, he was so easy to work up and Phil would be lying if he said it didn’t turn him on.

~Phil smirked smugly, nodding and kissing him briefly, slipping a key into his hand. “There’s a closet down the hall. Everyone else will be outside in the yard. I’ll be there in a moment.” He instructed. “I want you naked and stretched by the time I’m in there and if you aren’t? I’ll spank that perfect ass so hard you won’t be able to sit for the next week.” He finished and Dan nodded eagerly, getting up off his lap and dashing down the hall to do as told.

~Phil waited for some time to pass before making his way down to where he knew Dan was at, opening the door and smirking to himself. It was dimly lit, the window on the door covered, but most notable of this all was Dan. Dan who was bent over a small table, three fingers inside himself, stretching himself open and moaning loudly.

~Phil walked over, slapping Dan;s ass hard and making him squeak. “You better shut the fuck up slut. Or everyone in this damn prison is going to hear you acting like a fucking whore for me. Do you want tha Danny? Knowing you I bet you would. Everyone here to know your ass belongs to me, that pretty pink cunt is for me and me only to stretch open and fucking ruin.” he smacked his ass again, gripping the soft skin. “Isn’t that right baby?” He asked.

~Dan only moaned in response, feeling another harsh slap to his ass after he didn’t respond properly. “Fuck! Yes yes you’re right daddy! I want everyone to know I’m yours.” He admitted.

~Phil chuckled, flipping Dan around and pushing him to his knees. “No lube baby. Guess you’ll just have to get my cock wet enough with that beautiful mouth of yours.” He smirked, lifting Dan’s chin to make eye contact.

~Dan nodded, unbuckling his belt and undoing his jeans as quick as his fingers would let him. He tugged down his pants, mouthing over him through his boxers slowly. He kept looking up at Phil, wide innocent eyes, as if he was doing nothing arousing whatsoever. Phil groaned quietly, the cold air hitting his hard cock as Dan pulled him free from his boxers.

~Dan slowly licked up the side, putting on a show almost, wanting to do his absolute best, but still be a tease in the process. He swirled his tongue around his tip, wrapping his lips around him and slowly bobbing down. He kept a slow pace, taking Phil into his mouth and swiping his tongue over his slit every time he came back up.

~Phil tangled his fingers into Dan’s hair, pushing him down with force and watching Dan hollowing his cheeks to accommodate him, speeding up his movements. Dan bobbed his head quickly, his tongue working over every inch of his cock, making sure he’d be slicked up enough to fuck him painlessly before Phil pulled him off. He wiped the spit dripping from his mouth, the taste of precum stuck to his tongue in a way that made him even more desperate to be filled up and fucked hard.

~Phil pulled him up by the hair, pushing him over the desk and smacking his ass once more. He slowly rubbed his tip over his slightly gaping hole, pushing in just the tip before pulling out again. “You know the drill, I’m sure..” He smirked.

~Dan whimpered, looking back at him and blinking, his lips parted and his thighs starting to shake, his breathing unsteady. “Daddy please..I love being your toy. Letting you fuck me, mark me, break me, cum deep inside me. Please. Make me yours.” He whined, and that was all it took for Phil to slam in.

~Dan cried out, tears brimming in the corner of his eyes, pain and pleasure, along with his tears, clouding his vision as he looked back at Phil. He rocked his hips back, letting himself adjust but wanting more already. Phil smirked, pulling out and slamming back in not too long after, another loud and whiny moan passing Dan’s parted lips.

~Phil gripped his ass, watching himself slide in and out of the younger male, his hips pushing back against him with each hard thrust. “So good for me baby..” He gripped with both hands, kneading his ass as he sped up his thrusts, steadily slamming into him over and over again, his hips hitting against Dan’s ass with each rough thrust into him.

~Dan was struggling to stay silent, moaning loudly, the whole room smelling of sex, and the only noise to be heard in the whole area his loud, porn star moaning. Phil leaning forward, wrapping his hand around Dan’s throat and choking him. “Shut the fuck up!” He hissed, listening to Dan choke on his own moans, silencing significantly but still sounding beautiful with his symphony of whorish moans.

~Phil kept slamming in, hitting his prostate dead on each time with precision, as if he still knew exactly where to hit to drive Dan wild. “You sound like such a fucking whore all for me baby..” He leaned down to bite his earlobe, smirking. “Letting me fuck your pretty little cunt, making such loud noises for me baby. How did I ever get so lucky?” He praised, listening to Dan have to stifle another loud moan, the pressure on his throat increasing along with his arousal from what Phil was saying.

~Phil tugged down softly at his earlobe, tightening his grip on his throat as he grew closer, the pressure building in his lower stomach. He let go of Dam’s throat, hearing him gasp and moan as he tried to get his breath back. He reached down, wrapping his hand around Dan’s cock tightly and stroking in time with his harsh erratic thrusts.

~Dan cried out, getting louder as the same heat built in his stomach, signifying he was getting closer with every hard thrust against his spot and every harsh tug on his leaking cock. He moaned loudly, hearing Phil let out a soft noise under his breath, coming hard inside of the younger male.

~Phil panted gasping a little as he came hard inside of him, thrusting through his orgasm and feeling Dan tighten around him, the younger male closing his eyes and letting out a long drawn out moan as he came as well, bucking his hips into Phil’s hand to ride out his own orgasm.

~After they had both calmed down they laid against each other, naked and in a small cramped closet, breathing heavy. Eventually they started getting dressed, kissing and saying quick goodbyes since everyone was going to come in soon.

~Dan walked away, a smile on his face and putting his hand in his jumpsuit pockets, feeling a slip of paper in his pocket. He opened it and smiled even wider. “I missed you. Maybe we could do this again sometime?” 


A/N: Alright. I wrote this while my little brothers were all next to me playing video games on my tv. So, I’m going to hell, essentially. I hope you like this! It’s 2.9 k of dirtiness. I’ve been watching OITNB lately so this was written literally bc of that not gonna lie.

Stood Up?

Summary : Dan gets stood up and Phil (a stranger) decides to act as his date so that Dan doesn’t feel bad. Also because he thinks Dan is kinda cute.

words : 2457

Genre: fluff

Dan squirmed in his seat, shifting uncomfortably and fidgeting with his hair as his stomach tied into knots and realization crept onto him. His face burned with humiliation as the occupants of the nearby table stared at him with a pitiful expression, looking away as soon as Dan turned his gaze towards them. His vision became blurry as tears threatened to fall from his wet lashes. He blinked hard, trying to dispel them and maintain a straight face as he came to terms with the fact that he had been stood up.

He pulled his jumper sleeves past his fingers - something he did when he was nervous - and wiped his eyes discreetly. He gazed out of the huge French windows he was sitting beside, trying to take deep breaths and tell himself that he’s fine, that everything was fine.Just as Dan was starting to calm down, the waiter showed up for a second time, asking Dan if he would be joined by company soon.

Dan just sighed, trying to convince him that his date would be arriving soon. He was embarrassed as it was, and the waiter’s smug expression didn’t help his confidence.

“Yes don’t worry, my boyfriend will be showing up soon and then we’ll order.”, he huffed out for a third time, gritting his teeth in exasperation.

The waiter gave him a disgusted look upon hearing the word “boyfriend” but covered it up with an uninviting smile before Dan could react. He gave Dan a withering look and went back to a corner from where he fixed his unwavering gaze on him.

Dan felt awful. He couldn’t believe Brendon, his boyfriend of two months had stood him up. He knew how anxious and awkward Dan got in social situations, and yet he did this to him, not bothering to call him and cancel the date.

Dan didn’t know what to do, his appetite lost. He decided to just order something and ask the waiter to pack it for him and leave the restaurant as soon as possible. With a defeated expression he gestured for the waiter to come over, trying hard to ignore the presumptuous smile on his face. He didn’t meet his gaze as he opened his mouth to speak, and just as he was about to admit to the waiter that company would not be arriving after all, a tall man burst through the doors Dan was seated across from, striding over to his table - his black hair in a windblown quiff- and sliding into the seat beside him as he removed his dark sunglasses and smiled warmly.  

“Aw babe, I’m sorry I’m so late”, he said nonchalantly as he shrugged off his jacket,“traffic was nightmare”. He leaned across the table, engulfing Dan in a warm hug as the waiter’s hawk-like eyes watched them from a corner. Dan didn’t mind being hugged by the man - if only he knew what the fuck was happening. As the man pulled back, he leaned into Dan’s cheek and poked it with his nose - and Dan made a surprised choking sound when he realized that he was trying to show the waiter that he was kissing Dan’s cheeks.

Dan was too stunned to react, and by the time he wrapped his head around the fact that a gorgeous man with dreamy blue eyes and black hair was seated next to him where his date was supposed to be sitting, the waiter had already left with a disgusted and defeated expression.

The man turned back from where he was staring at the retreating waiter and gave Dan a warm smile that made him forget that he was literally a stranger he knew nothing about. He ducked in close to Dan’s ears, out of earshot of the nosy waiter and whispered, “My name’s Phil by the way. Just go with it and don’t freak out yeah?”, he said softly, his blue-green eyes glinting as sunlight washed his face in an angelic glow.  A warm glow spread across Dan’s chest and for some inexplicable reason he decided he trusted this stranger - Phil- and he didn’t mind pretending that this wildly attractive man was his actual date.

“Oh and whoever didn’t show up is a dick. If I was in their place I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.”, he added, pink dusting his pale cheeks as he softly whispered.

“T- thanks”, Dan finally spoke up, his face and neck covered in a light blush. “My name’s Dan actually, Dan Howell, and thank you so much for helping me out. I couldn’t have handled that snobbish waiter alone”, he added with a giggle, slowly getting comfortable around Phil.  

Phil just smiled in reply, extending his arm and placing his left hand on top of Dan’s that were resting on the table. Dan’s eyes widened slightly, his blush turning darker by the minute. It seemed as though Dan had been blushing a lot since Phil walked in - and with good reason too - it’s not everyday a handsome stranger with the prettiest eyes offers to fill in for your douche bag of a date.

They sat there talking for a few minutes during which Dan discovered Phil was a writer who wrote for various magazines. There was something about him, Dan realized, that made him want to get to know him better. Whether it was the way Phil’s lips curled upwards in a sharp smile at the smallest things, or the way he talked passionately about how much he loved painting, his hands jerking up in animated gestures when his words weren’t enough. Finally Dan decided he liked how easygoing and carefree Phil was, with his confident aura and his dumb dad jokes.

Soon enough Phil gestured to the waiter to bring them menus, and keeping in mind that Dan had bad anxiety, even offered to make Dan’s order for him.

The rest of the afternoon went by quite smoothly as the two talked about anime and books and their mutual dislike for sports.

At one point Phil had said, much to Dan’s surprise at his openness, that “sex is probably the only exercise I ever get, otherwise I’d be dead by now!” Dan had just choked on his drink and coughed until Phil decided to stop laughing and help him out.

Dan had claimed the only reason he wasn’t dead was green tea and “..not.. s-sex like you”, he had laughed.

“You do know I’m joking right? I mean I’m not one of those guys who sleeps around all the time”

“I mean there’s nothing wrong with sleeping around.. monogamy is just a social construct y'know?” “You don’t have to follow social constructs”, he had added as an after thought.

Phil had just stared at him for a few seconds until his face broke into a sharp smile as he said,“Finally someone who thinks the same way. You, Dan, are my kind of guy”

Phil had come to realize that the boy he had decided to help out was more than just a nervous, shy guy with blush-y cheeks and soft smiles. He actually enjoyed talking to Dan, they had the same opinions about everything, except Mario Kart where they both claimed they could “beat the other’s ass”

“Wha- Dan! You just said a potty word!”, Phil had mocked him, mimicking a small child. Dan just shoved him off with a soft giggle before quickly giving him the finger, making sure that no one noticed.

Phil gasped loudly, trying to maintain a disappointed look as he tutted in mock-disgust. “Well, well Mister Daniel, look at you, not the nice innocent boy after all, are you?”

“Hey I’m so innocent I could be a priest in a church!”

“Hmm you’d be Sister Daniel, I quite like the sound of that”, Phil chuckled.

“Shut up”

“Make me”

“You really think I’m gonna fall for that cheesy line”, Dan giggled, his eyes shining with humour.

“Yeah?”, Phil answered, his voice a bit deeper than it had been a minute ago.

“Well try harder”, Dan giggled, winking at Phil for dramatic effect. Phil took in a sharp breath, deciding two could play at this game.

The rest of the afternoon was spent with Phil trying to make Dan laugh with really cringe-y pick-up lines.

“Hey Dan, are you Gillette?” - Dan gave him a confused expression - “cause you’re the best a man can get”, Phil finished with a giggle.

“Oh for fucks sake”, Dan snorted, “that was horrible!”

“Hey Dan hey this one’s really good listen!”, Phil said excitedly, his expression resembling the one of an excited puppy, and Dan just couldn’t say no.

“Are you my pinkie toe? Because I want to bang you against every piece of furniture in the house”, Phil finished with a giggle, blushing madly as he waited for Dan’s reaction, slightly worried that he may have crossed a line.

Turns out he hadn’t, because Dan started howling with laughter, making the man at a nearby table throw them some more dirty looks. As his laughter subsided, his face a mad shade of red, Dan whined, “Phiwww we’re in public you can’t say that”, a playful glint in his eyes.

“Are you saying if we weren’t in public you’d be okay with me saying that?”, Phil teased.

Dan’s eyes widened and he mumbled out a soft “maybe?” before giving Phil a playful shove and a “Shut up! dickhead”

“sister Daniel just said another potty word!”, Phil gasped

“If you say that again I will not hesitate to punch you”

“Look at us, fighting like a real couple”, Phil said winking cheekily.

“Did I not just tell you to shut up”

“Did I not just tell you to make me?”

“I would if the waiter wasn’t watching us right now”, Dan hissed before he could stop himself.

“wait.. what?”

“W-what?”, Dan squeaked in panic, looking like a dear caught in headlights.

“Don’t think I will forget you said that, Howell”, Phil winked, taking a bite of his pasta even as Dan kicked his shin to wipe that smug expression off his face.

———-

Just as they finished having dessert, the waiter returned with their bill, and both the boys instinctively reached for their wallet.

“Oh no babe, I’m paying don’t worry”, Phil said with a smile that made Dan wander whether it was necessary for Phil to call him cute nicknames or if he was doing it for fun.

“umm.. we could jut split it..‘darling’?..”, the last part of his sentence came out more like a question and Phil had to bite back a laugh because of how flustered Dan looked.

“No, Dan, I was the one who asked you out on this date so I’m paying. Quit arguing love.”, Phil said with a gentle smile.

The waiter gave them a weird look, as if not entirely understanding the situation.  

“Yeah okay butt cheeks.. i mean  sweet cheeks - I mean wha-” Dan’s eyes widened as he was about to mumble out an apology and maybe go hide at home for 5 years because he couldn’t even speak like a normal person.

Dan couldn’t finish that train wreck of a sentence, however, because suddenly Phil was leaning in, their faces now inches apart as they shared warm breaths. Dan’s breathing was labored, his eyes half lidded and cheeks dusted with pink, their lips almost brushing but not quite.

“Dan shh shh it’s okay calm down bear, you’re alright, yeah?”, Phil mumbled softly, not pulling back. When Dan slowly began to calm down he softly asked, “Can I kiss you?”, his blue eyes searching Dan’s brown ones.

Dan had barely nodded his assent when suddenly Phil’s lips were on his, warm and soft, moving lazily and determinedly even as Dan hesitantly kissed back. Phil tasted of mint and cherries from the dessert he had ordered,and Dan was sure some people were looking at them with disgusted expressions, but for the first time in his life he didn’t care what the people thought.

They left the restaurant giggling like shool boys because Phil had used another pick up line.

“Dan this ones actually good, I promise”, he giggled. “Did you s it in a pile of sugar? because you have a sweet ass”

“I- PHIL-what”, Dan sputtered laughing hysterically. “These would get you more restraining orders than dates honestly.”

“You’re just jealous of my flirting skills”

“You don’t have any flirting skills”

“Is that why you’ve been blushing so much? Because my flirting skills are shit?”, Phil asked, a cocky smile playing on his lips.

“I hate you”

“No you don’t. You think I’m adorable”

“Fine whatever makes you shut up”, Dan rolled his eyes  jokingly.

Phil dropped Dan at his house on his motorbike, ignoring all of Dan’s comments about how he could just go back himself. And he would be lying if he said he didn’t secretly enjoy it every time Dan wrapped his arms around his torso because he was going too fast. Phil thought it was really adorable how scared Dan was and Dan thought Phil looked really hot riding a bike so neither of them had anything to complain about really.

“So I guess I’ll see you around then?”, Phil asked uncertainly as he scratched the back of his head, looking at his shoes.

Dan decided he had to act now if he wanted to see Phil again, and for once swallowing his fear and anxiousness he said, “gi- give me your phone?”

“What?”, Phil’s eyes lit up expectantly, he had not expected Dan to want to talk to him again.

“Phil I’m very nervous rightnowpleasejustgimmeyourphonesoIcansavemynumberandthenwecanmeetagain”

“what? Yeah okay here you go”, Phil quickly took out his phone, handing it to Dan who looked just as flustered as Phil felt.

Dan quickly saved his number on Phil’s phone, handing it back to him before turning around towards the building he lived in.

just as Phil was restarting his bike Dan quickly went back up to him, kissing his cheek softly as Phil let out a flustered gasp. “Thank you for making my day Phil, you’re the best”

“Am I now?”

“Shut up! I’ll call you”, Dan said, a smile playing on his lips as he walked into the building. Maybe being stood up wasn’t the worst thing in the world.

~ 15 minutes later~

To Dan : Is your offer on shutting me up still valid? ;)

To Phil : yeah :3 I will shut you up when we meet this weekend.

To Dan : we’re meeting this weekend?

To Phil : we are now. But only because I wanna shut you up. :)

To Dan : sure babe if that’s what you wanna believe

—————————————————————————————–

okay so this is pretty shit.

but if somehow you liked it please like/share/reblog :)

also, English isn’t my first language so sorry if there are any errors

1. I should’ve bought more flowers for you, now I buy flowers even if today isn’t Valentine’s Day or a day with a specific meaning, in a way, every petal is imbued with an apology and every time someone leans in to smell it they can feel the parts of me that you’ve forgiven far long before I could

2. I didn’t start to feel better until I started to take better care of myself, a constant whisper of you saying “i was just worried about you”

3. You can’t let someone be your only source of happiness because once they’re gone, you’re all alone again and there’s nothing worse than starting all the way back over with yourself: square one of a broken heart multiplied by the intensity of she’s not coming back, let her go

4. Music will never betray me

5. Poetry is thinking that you’ve got it figured out and a metaphor is just your way of saying I don’t

6. Art rules the world and I am a masterpiece in progress; how can I love myself like how you did if I can’t see that little bit?

7. Lust isn’t conducive for growth, it’s like an addict trying to get his fix– some day, he’s going to break and not even the drug can help him

8. I buy myself nice things, but I can’t fill this emptiness inside of my heart– I guess some nights, I just miss being next to you

9. I still can’t get used to sleeping alone

10. Sometimes I wish I would’ve picked up your phone calls during the first few months, I broke my promise and you know something? I regret it

11. I threw away our love letters and memories two months ago, I cried the whole time– yeah, still a fool for you, but baby, we’ve changed so much, I’m happy with my unhappy

12. You once told me to go on many adventures without you, did you account for my depression? You know, I don’t blame you for any of this. In reality it was always an us thing, a too young thing, a stupid, mad love thing– as always, I still love you, I just don’t know what love is anymore

13. They were right, soulmates touch you and they change you forever– the moment a colorful paint filled brush hits the water and the figments of colors flow into the cup, you left my soul with so many seasons, I’m still raking up the leaves from last fall

14. The last time I saw you we shouldn’t have had sex, I think that night really broke you– I think that night really broke me too

15. I should’ve laid my head onto your chest and counted your heartbeats more often, I’m sorry

16. Sometimes when I talk to people and tell them random facts that you’ve filled my head up, I swear I can hear your voice echo in the back of my head– “baby, check this out, you’re gonna love it”

17. I always do

18. I still remember your favorite Harry Potter line

19. After all of this time? …Always.

20. I smoke cigarettes to think about how to think less, the fucking irony

21. I take painkillers and my excuse is that my right hand still hurts, in truth, I’m just another addict that believes if I take another maybe my heart might just start to sound like it belongs to me

22. I didn’t cut myself because I wanted to die, I cut myself open because I wanted to feel how often I made your heart break, each scar on my shoulders is a time when I’ve made you cry

23. And each night that I can’t sleep, I stay up wishing that you’re doing okay

24. I don’t pray often, but when I do, I always prayed for your mom, although she hated me, I’m so glad that she put you on this earth to allow us to meet– I have changed so much since I’ve met you

25. The crazy part? You still change me everyday

26. You know the renaissance era? Falling in love with you was like that

27. My favorite photo of us were those two kids eating a banana split at the New Orleans mall, I miss those two innocent kids, oh, how we’ve changed

28. We are destined to have this eternal flame kind of distance– the brighter I burn, the more you’ll read, the only thing that keeps me writing some days is knowing that somewhere, somehow you’re always reading, no matter who you’re with or if you’re laughing or crying or smiling

29. My number one fan was always you first

30. I’ve made so many bad decisions, you were never one of them

31. I’ve written so many bad poems, you were in every single one

32. I’ve written some pretty great ones too tho…!
You were also in those

33. I miss cleaning your eyes for you

34. I have met some amazing people because of what happened to us

35. I can’t get you by Fallbrooke the acoustic version is no longer on the internet, the funny part? The very last day that it was on the web, I downloaded it right before they removed it. It’s still my favorite song of all time, our song

36. Hold your tears by Clazziquai too

37. Sometimes when I get off from work, I sit in the car and cry, some tears don’t have meaning, they just need to come out

38. I claim to write poetry, but I feel like they’re just love letters sent to no one in particular

39. It’s not that I’m not over you, I’m just trying to get used to not needed you

40. It’s not that it hurts to the point where I can’t breathe, I’m just trying to light my own path to self-love and healing

41. The fact that your favorite color is orange, it makes the fruit taste some type of way

42. Sometimes I want to call you, but I don’t

42. Sometimes I want to text you and I do

43. Sometimes I want you to answer, I’m glad you don’t

43. Sometimes I just want to say fuck it all and call, I’m glad that I don’t

44. You stopped writing when we first met, in some way, the girl that waits by the shore has left a million pens near my desk and to this day– I wait by the shore too, just in case inspiration hits, right?

45. Our little codes of love finally decoded enough for me to not be blinded by you

46. We were both messed up people, I think we knew that about each other and maybe that’s why I always know when you’re not feeling okay

47. I still don’t have love figured out, but damn I’ll open every fucking door in my heart even if I have to go down the sewer to find every key

48. Someone says that she’s falling for me, I’m legit afraid to hurt people now– like it’s a real fear, I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore

49. I should’ve given you the stars, but instead I left your heart scattered across the universe

50. It’s been almost two year and I’m still writing about you, but at least it’s less often, right?

51. You’ve always been kinda self-centered, I think you enjoy it when I write about you. Like if I write about you in some way, maybe I’m still yours

52. We were just too damn young to realize how destructive passion, love, romance, stagnation, betrayal and pain is when mixed together

53. Sometimes I go to the places that we used to go just to create new memories without you

54. Sometimes it works

55. Most of the time, it just flicks me off

56. My brain is constantly telling me that I’m a fuck up and the more I try to get it right, the more I keep getting it wrong

57. I am trying to master the art of letting go

58. And this list is a step towards better things

59. And this life is going to be alright

60. Without you, I am still me

61. Without you, I can still breathe

62. Without you, I am still alive

63. Without you, I am still poetry

64. I can barely remember your face, I guess being around a lot of different people at work helps out plenty

65. This world is filled with pain, I hope you look back and smile about us some day

66. Maybe when you’re old and grey– you’ll remember those two young kids who slow danced in the dark

67. If we were made from the same star, I want to return home some day

68. I want to shine bright enough for the two of us

69. You’re still my best friend even if we no longer talk

70. You’ll always be my best friend

71. I still care about you

72. A whole fucking lot

73. The world is full of mysteries, I’m glad that we’re in the known, I’m glad that we’ve met

74. I hope you never regret me, you wanna know why? I could never, ever, ever, ever regret you

75. I don’t know how to open up to people anymore and I’m not sure if it’s my fault or yours– maybe this one time, it’s our fault… are you like this too?

76. I’ve been told that I’m too hard on myself, I firmly believe that one of the reason as to why we split was because I wasn’t hard enough on myself– I got too fucking comfortable with your promises and I took you for granted

77. Life waits for no one

78. I let an ex of mine break my red and black ring– she said that if I was over you, I’d let her break. I let her break it, but jokes on me, it didn’t change a thing about how I still feel about you

79. I keep writing and writing and writing because one of these days– it’ll stop being about you

80. Sometimes it works, but deep down, I know in some way, you’ll always find a way to sneak back out

81. I can’t get you out of my head sometimes

82. It’s even harder because you’re still inside of my heart

83. I saw this cool picture on Tumblr with someone cutting a piece of herself off that resembled two lovers splitting up, that shit looked like it hurt

84. Love hurts because even eating cotton candy ice cream really fast will give you a brain freeze

85. You didn’t like my rat tail idea, I grew one out just to fuck with you. Jokes on me, I love it now.

86. You never really supported the idea of me being anything, tbh, it’s not your fault. None of it is. I should’ve been my own motivation. I guess by supporting you through nursing school, I wanted to hear you say that I could do it even when I was at my lowest point.

87. I realized a few thing about loving you.

88. When you hit rock bottom, few will be loyal enough to stick it out with you

89. Money rules the world, since I’m not wealthy in any way– one day when I am, I can laugh a little about all of this

90. I think you loved our memories more than you loved me, in truth, I did too

91. Maybe that’s why it’s hard to get close to people

92. Maybe that’s why it’s hard to let you go

93. Maybe that’s why you still read

94. We had something raw and experimental, young and dumb, mistakes on top of mistakes

95. It was a perfect compass to point us to our future selves

96. I know a great many things now– although I am depressed, with or without you

97. I am great, I am strong

98. I am my own happy before anyone else’s

99. I can love myself enough to let you go

100. I had to hurt you to really, really grow–
I think to this day, that’s the thing that hurts me the most. That I had to hurt my best friend in this whole wide world, to make you crumble, to make you cry, to make you hate me– I had to do all of that in order to love myself. And it’s sad because here I am, still trying to figure it all out.



With or without you, I will be a better person.
—  100 things I figured out when we broke up
Reactions To the Dragon Maid Finale Coming To You From The Afterlife Because I’m Fucking Dead

*Spoilers for Ep 13 Below!!*

.
.
.
.

No one deserved emotional mayhem on this level but I also thoroughly enjoyed it.

-Why the fuck did they have to put the cutest opening scenes in just before they fucking ripped my heart out fuck.  

-The flowers =my everything?? JUST FINISH ME OFF WHY DON’T YOU

-Kanna and Saikawa are so sweet throughout this entire thing omg 。゚(*´□`)゚。

-Kobayshi’s just chilling enjoying a day off finally and feeling peaceful and then they had to twist that fucking knife fuck

-I tried and failed to hold it together when Kobayashi hears that Tohru left.  Just the way she pauses and doesn’t know what to do and her lil sad face and you can just *tell*  this has absolutely GUTTED her that shit took three years off my lifespan.

-My big gay baby ass cried p much the entire montage when Tohru isn’t there that’s one of the most devastating scenes I’ve witnessed in any medium in a long damn while and is like real-life familiar to me a bit and just.  Holy.  Shit.

-But like props yo Kobayashi’s single mom-ing it up she’s gonna get shit done whatever way she has to

-But it still killed me because holy shit she has takeout because she works late af and doesn’t have time to cook for them

-THE MUG SHE DROPS that hurt me why would they do this to me she’s rushing so much to get ready and get Kanna up

-Taught Kanna to use the rice cooker because she won’t be home

-Kanna has to stay at Saikawa’s because mom’s working OUCH

-And Kanna misses her dragon mom I’m crying

- The way the house is so messy oh no Kobayashi you poor depressed lesbian I feel u bb been there, done that, bought that t-shirt

-Takiya is the real MVP lookin out for his fellow queer bestie, noticin’ something’s wrong, u go A+ bestie

-The way she runs when Tohru comes back omfg

-LOOK AT MY BABIES FIGHTING BIG PAPA DRAGON TO BE TOGETHER

-Like damn Kobayashi woke the fuck up and told off Tohru’s big bad dragon dad U GO BB

-Also what the fuck did he do to her face or whatever??

-Tohru’s face when he does that shit to Kobayashi.  Is.  PRIME.  I literally screamed OH SHIIIIIIIIT IT’S. ABOUT. TO. GO. DOWN.

-Tiny dragon daughter flying her mom to the other dimension to go get back her dragon mom my heart ❤❤❤

-Kanna’s the other real MVP she’s taking care of her mom, giving her the down low on dragon politics, telling her where Tohru is, flying her around.

-Kanna is the prettiest dragon look at those lil feathery angel wings angel dragon daughter ☆~☆~☆~☆

-And then Kobayashi’s measured conflict resolution is life and the way she talks about difference was cool af and just quintessentially her.  Diplomatic as fuck.

-The way Tohru like tackles her added the three years back onto my life plus one and gave me clear skin and watered my crops and paid off my student loans and bestowed upon me the most voluminous hair yo.

-IT MIRRORS THE OPENING WEH

-Also she’s TAKING HER AND KANNA TO SEE HER PARENTS YES SWEET JESUS I’M GONNA CRY ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚

-SO. CANON. MARRIED

-Has she like called them?  Warned them at all?  I hope not I hope she just turns the fuck up and goes “Sup motherfuckers, haven’t seen you in a year.  You have a daughter in law and a granddaughter now you will love them as I do.  Don’t ask about the tail.  Or do.  Depends on whether it’ll give you an aneurism or not.”

-I both want to fic it and see it in-ep animated I’ve heard second season is a thing or is that wrong?  

-I’ll watch this episode over and over for the next 20 years.

-And fic it

-And cosplay it

-And protect it